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    "Developers, developers, developers developers developers
    developers. Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers!
    Developers!  Developers! Developers [INDISTINCT - poss.
    "developers"].  Yes."
 - STEVE BALLMER, CEO of Microsoft, presents another stirring keynote
                          http://www.ntk.net/ballmer/mirrors.html


                                >> HARD NEWS <<
                                thar she blews

         Well done to THE INDUSTRY STANDARD for slavishly improving on
         the original "Wired" business model - despite all the money
         wasted on short-lived European editions, the humble Wired UK
         operation never quite realised its ultimate goal of taking
         down the parent organism as well. But, as any keen new-economy
         bullshitter knows, adversity can often breed innovation -
         innovation like the bold new revenue stream proposed by Future
         Publishing's US incarnation, IMAGINE MEDIA, who seem to be
         charging between $500 and $5,000 per program for inclusion on
         forthcoming coverdisks of PC Gamer, MaximumPC, MacAddict and
         Official Xbox magazines. This "is not an advertising fee",
         an email, addressed to "Software Partners", explains - it
         is "a Distribution and Handling fee", which only happens to
         apply to "editorially selected disc content". And thank
         heavens for that, because when Amazon tried something similar
         a couple of years ago, the term everyone else seemed to prefer
         was "payola".
         http://www.ntk.net/2001/08/17/imaginethat.txt
         - "the publishing company that created coverdiscs". Uh-huh.
         http://service.imaginemedia.com/info.html
         - not exactly a great year for them so far
         http://www.ntk.net/2001/08/17/dohstandard.jpg
         - wish we had a copy of the "no more staff limos" mail

         Is that free speech burning, or just the spreading haze of
         DMCA smoke we smell? A fairly clear-cut case in Holland with
         Niels Ferguson, the Dutch cryptographer who knows how broken
         Intel's new content protection system is, but is too scared
         to tell anyone. But what about the curious case of ALEX
         SHTOL's WMA ENCODE/DECODER program? Alex's shareware app,
         which can create and export to MP3 Windows Media audio
         files, was removed from CNET's DOWNLOAD.COM last month
         without explanation. CNET now says that it's been deleted
         because it's in breach of the DMCA. In fact, WMA
         Decode/Encode is licensed by Microsoft to perform what
         deciphering it does, and is deliberately limited to comply
         with the requirements of their Digital Rights Management
         system. Compared to the fistful of other audio-decoding
         progs still on DOWNLOAD.COM, it's a veritable paragon of
         DMCA compliance. Of course, its country of origin is a
         little more exotic than its competitors: could it be that
         following Dmitry Sklyarov's arrest, CNET now thinks *all*
         programs from Moscow are illegal?
         http://www.macfergus.com/niels/dmca/
                 - Intel will just have to work it out for themselves
         http://12.108.175.91/ebookweb/stories/storyReader$388
          - You're *not* scared, you're just pretending, says Seybold
         http://www.x-filez.com/dmcacnet.htm
                                              - scary enough for you?

         Three reasons why RAZORFISH are the "Queen Mother" of new
         media: 1. The press love them - they can always be relied on
         for an "Oh, that's so cute" story; 2. Mere mention of their
         name conjures up upsetting mental imagery involving hideous
         teeth; and 3. Despite remarkable longevity so far, they're
         surely not going to be around *for ever*. On the off-chance
         that the current round of rumours turn out to be true and
         Razorfish *are* currently on the ropes, NTK would like to
         collect your recollections (and documentary evidence) of their
         most freakish projects and campaigns, just in case a last-
         minute "tribute" portfolio is required. For instance, we're
         convinced we can detect their distinctive fingerprints on that
         RAC relaunch ad which revealed that the Royal Automobile Club
         was no longer just some blokes in vans who fix your car when
         you break down, but (we're paraphrasing, of course) "a radical
         new paradigm in journey assurance en route from A to B".
         http://www.observer.com/pages/envelope.asp
         - like those Popbitch "I Love The '80s" specials
         http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/8.09/razorfish.html
         - but, in net time, about 3 or 4 years ago


                                >> ANTI-NEWS <<
                             berating the obvious

         "Collision damage waiver" on Teletext flights? I'm not going:
www.teletextholidays.co.uk/holiday_offers_details.asp?OID=408289&area=general
         ... "Sir has requested the 'dead rock star' suite - very good,
         Sir": http://www.select.with-us.com/fullstory.cfm?id=161 ...
         WORLDPOP proactively sends registered users its (entire?)
         mailing list of 20,000 email addresses, under "Subject: How To
         Pull At A Festival"... Oi! Coldplay! Keep that noise DOWN!:
         http://www.glastonburyfestivals.co.uk/2001/whatson.html ...
         NME sees "abstract pattern with vaguely gothic overtones...
         sonic cathedral" in particle paths from CERN bubble chamber:
    http://www.nme.com/NME/External/News/News_Story/0,1004,39946,00.html
         ... Leonardo da Vinci way ahead of his time (see synopsis):
         http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0201735008/ ... "we
         know about every other technology in use today *and in the
         future*": http://www.kisstechnologies.co.uk/company/people.asp
         ... summertime - when "bugs the size of pixels" STRIKE AGAIN!:
    http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/sci/tech/newsid_1493000/1493152.stm vs
      http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/sci/tech/newsid_842000/842624.stm
         ... Improve Your Image step #1 - write everything ALL IN CAPS:
      http://www.scottish.internetradio.co.uk/userpages/imagemakers.html
         - step #2: choose a reputable, professional service provider:
         http://www.scottish.internetradio.co.uk/userpages/ ... another
         satisfied customer: http://www.harrogatetheatre.co.uk/ ...
         yup, we're *still* calling them "Widdecombe of the week":
http://www.streetmap.co.uk/streetmap.dll?Postcode2Map?sw1a+1aa&your+HTML+here
         ... "Ask Coca-Cola" at http://www.coke.com/ spills the beans:
         http://www.ntk.net/2001/08/17/dohcoke.gif ... relax lads -
     she's a man: http://www.shell-me.com/july2001/news-world2.htm#worldnews6


                               >> EVENT QUEUE <<
                         goto's considered non-harmful

         Displaying the unerring eye for the contemporary zeitgeist
         that is the hallmark of all great artists, HEATH "BUNTY"
         BUNTING has given up that unconvincing "genetic modification"
         schtick and bounded onto the Linux bandwagon with DIY tech
         recycling workshop RUBBISH 2 ROUTER (from 1pm Tue 2001-08-21,
         Windmill City Farm, Bedminster, Bristol, free if you bring a
         screwdriver, pliers or soldering iron) - part of wireless-
         enabled artists get-together TECH 2 (from today, various
         venues around Bristol). Still, you'd probably intercept a few
         more interesting packets by "war driving" past the equally
         802.11B-positive computer security gathering DNSCON 4 (from
         1pm today, 2001-08-17, President Hotel, Blackpool, from
         UKP15), which we always mean to go to, if only to check out
         the now-mythical "Need To Know" bar.
         http://www.irational.org/cgi-bin/cv/cv.pl?member=heath
         - doesn't quite get Godel Incompleteness either
         http://cubecinema.com/rubbish2router.html
         - Redundant Tech Initiative know what they're doing though
         http://www.dnscon.org/dns4/
         - and the "proof": http://www.ntk.net/2000/08/25/bar.html
http://www.whatsonstage.com/uktw/page.php?page=details&id=L1152558442
         - or save a trip to Edinburgh with the live "Blue Jam" show


                                >> TRACKING <<
               sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering

         In the thrashing Cambrian slime-pits of sourceforge,
         it's a little hard to tell which projects are worth getting
         involved with, and which are the "Last updated two days
         after they started" no-hopers. As a general rule, the bigger
         the ambition, the more doomed the codebase - but there are
         always exceptions. Even though they (barely) missed an
         deadline this week, tigris.org's SUBVERSION looks like it's
         going somewhere fast. A ongoing plan to replace CVS with a
         more modern, backwards-compatible, replacement, Sub has
         survived an ambitious schedule, strong competitors, a
         pitched battle between ESR and one of his supercriminal foes
         on the dev list, and a potentially dull wall of code to climb.
         They've survived. This week was due to be the date that
         Subversion became self-aware (or at least, self-hosting):
         despite a flurry of activity, they didn't quite make it. But
         they're very close - and now would be a great point to get
         involved.
         http://subversion.tigris.org/
                                                         - mmm WebDAV
         http://subversion.tigris.org/servlets/ReadMsg?msgId=34923&listName=dev
                                                         - sooo close
         http://lwn.net/2001/features/KernelSummit/
                         - ..and Linus says he really likes the name.


                                >> MEMEPOOL <<
                              hasta la altavista

         it's the battle of the hypnotically ill-advised voiceovers:
         http://www.zombo.com/ vs http://www.henryhendron.com/ ...
www.bankofamerica.com/newsroom/press/press.cfm?PressID=press.20010813.03.htm
         imitates ONION story we can't find in their archive any more...
         http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/uk/newsid_1490000/1490957.stm
         imitates "The Dark Knight Returns" (Detective Inspector Paul
         Knight!)... http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_376025.html
         imitates EDWARD PENISHANDS *and* BRASS EYE... killer FLASH app
         found at last - blocky pictures dancing to foreign language
         soundtracks: http://www.btinternet.com/~david.st/b3ta/ ,
         http://www.rathergood.com/vid/ , and most alarmingly of all:
         http://user.tninet.se/~prv247p/hatt/hatten.swf ... "Oh, the
         humanity": http://www.curlysairships.com/ ... anti-WAREZ
         propaganda goes retro: http://www.bsa.org/usa/megabyte/ ...
         EMINEM indigestion lyrics more accurate than we thought:
         http://www.purplepill.com/common/101.freecertificate.asp ...
         DIANA's flatmates so dodgy she wrote her name on all her CDs:
         http://www.itn.co.uk/news/20010816/britain/18burrell.shtml ...
         and drop-kick me, JESUS, through the goal posts of life:
         http://www.catholicsupply.com/christmas/football.html ...
         http://www.hammacher.com/sfi/2001/2001semifinalist.html
         winners (bottom of page) rivals (intermittently updated)
         http://www.unnovations.com ... hang on a minute - HOBBES is
         *imaginary*?: http://www.whatever-dude.com/posts/145.shtml ...
         the wit and wisdom of IRC - rated & preserved for all time:
         http://www.doomworld.com/phptest/bestquotes.php ...


                                >> GEEK MEDIA <<
                                 get out less

         TV>> clip-shows stalk the primetime schedules once again with
         Nadia Sawalahalaha's TOTAL SOAP (8.30pm, Fri, BBC1), HARRY
         ENFIELD'S GUIDE TO THE NORTH OF ENGLAND (9.30pm, Fri, BBC1),
         Public Enemy on an arguably anti-Semitic tip in LATER PRESENTS
         RHYTHMS OF ISLAM (11.35pm, Fri, BBC2), Jack Dee's funny advert
         round-up TRUST ME I'M A CELEBRITY (11.10pm, Fri, BBC1), plus
         BRITAIN'S TOP TEN MOST WANTED MURDERERS (8.30pm, Thu, ITV)...
         on Sat there's the bizarrely self-referential sight of Paul
         Ross and that goon from "Heat" Magazine mocking the transient
         appeal of TV personalities and Page 3 girls in CELEBRITY: THE
         RISE AND FALL (9.15pm, Sat, C4), up against I LOVE THE 90s
         (9.15pm, Sat, BBC2) - at this rate, expect "I Love The 2010s"
         early next year - and followed by Antipodean punditry AUSSIES:
         WHO GIVES A ****? (11.20pm, Sat, C4)... movie "highlights"
         include - who'd have thought it? - a "Terminator" knock off on
         C5 - THE TOMORROW MAN (6.10pm, Sat, C5), Dean Stockwell's
         Simon Quinlank impersonation in Harrison Ford aerial antic AIR
         FORCE ONE (9.15pm, Sat, BBC1), Scott "Con Air" Rosenberg's
         rom-com BEAUTIFUL GIRLS (9.50pm, Sun, BBC2), and Duchovny/
         Michelle "Ensign Ro" Forbes arthouse road thriller KALIFORNIA
         (10.30pm, Mon, C4)... BBC2's Saturday morning ex-OU tech-slot
         is presumably profiling The Cult Of The Dead Cow in HACK THE
         PLANET (9am, Sat, BBC2)... "Biff" from "Back To The Future"
         grows up to be a PE teacher in the excellent FREAKS AND GEEKS
         (7pm, Mon-Fri, E4)... and they're clearly heeding their own
         advice in ADAM AND JOE'S GUIDE TO TAKING OVER TV (7.55pm, Tue-
         Wed, C4), as Joe then reappears hosting "Liquid News"-alike
         THIS WEEK ONLY (11.05pm, Thu, C4)... LIFTERS (9.50pm, Tue,
         BBC2) provides some handy tips on nicking stuff from shops...
         Darcus Howe whines on about our lack of freedom when it comes
         to protest and direct-action in SLAVE NATION (9pm, Wed, C4)
         ... and more top viewing for historical massacre fans, in the
         form of the concluding double-episode of THE WORLD AT WAR
         (7.10pm, Sun, BBC2), GREAT BATTLES OF WORLD WAR II (8pm, Wed,
         C5) and, after last week's showing of "Chasing Amy", a
         "Timewatch" special on BOMBING GERMANY (9pm, Thu, BBC2)...

         FILM>> Tim "Batman" Burton spectacularly botches another big
         franchise in remixed kid-friendly "unimagining" PLANET OF THE
         APES (http://www.capalert.com/capreports/planetoftheapes.htm :
         no nudity was found, only a case of excessive [Estella Warren]
         cleavage; the choreographers took full advantage of [Bonham]
         Carter's deep beautiful eyes; while men and women of all races
         are equally precious to Jesus, apes are not equal to us; +
         http://www.screenit.com/movies/2001/planet_of_the_apes.html :
         Phrases: "What the hell are you doing?", "Shut up" and "Damn
         them all to Hell"). It's actually not quite as lame as critics
         make out, apart from: 1. terrible acting and dialogue from all
         the humans (Tim Roth and Helena Bonham Carter are surprisingly
         good); 2. excessive wirework - you'll believe an ape can fly!;
         and 3. the inexplicable "twist ending" - so bad, it could
         almost be the work of Kevin Smith: [CAUTION - *MAJOR* SPOILER]
         http://www.eonline.com/News/Items/0,1,8669,00.html ...

         HAL-LOO! >> "I'm trying to repel the American media",
         announced EMMANUEL GOLDSTEIN, keynote at the quadrennial
         Dutch hackers' conference, HAL 2001, playing to audiences'
         favourite phenotype this year: self-deprecating Americans.
         "Don't ever say Americans aren't tolerant - we've been
         tolerating shit from our government for years", he chuckled.
         Most unexpected revelation from Manny: during the recent
         unpleasantness, 2600 was swamped with e-mail urging them to
         cyber attack China, all from Hotmail accounts. The
         X-Originating-IP fields turned out to be *all* from .mil
         domains.... JOHN GILMORE spoke both about opportunistic
         encryption, and other opportunities he has personally
         enjoyed as a friend of Sasha "MDMA" Shulgin... oddest (we
         presume unconnected) sight: a 6'6" cross-dressing Lara
         Croft-alike ... PHIL ZIMMERMAN junked his talk on Hushmail
         2.0 in favour of a crowd-pleasing ramble on the history of
         PGP 2.0 (Half of all the e-mail he gets about backdoors in
         PGP are from Germans, who apparently adopt a "sort of quiet
         tone - it's okay, you can tell me if it's backdoored, I
         won't tell anyone".) Most unsurprising comment by PRZ: "For
         some reason, cryptography attracts paranoid people"...
         again, unconnected: FREESWAN's HUGH DANIELS gave three
         speeches, characteristically bitching about the nature of
         the universe in all of them ... Most European quote: "The
         best historical example [of the reaction to deCSS] is the
         churches response to printing presses" ... Returning nearer
         home (but not there yet), HAVENCO's RYAN LACKEY revealed
         Sealand's best-kept secret: the data haven is making a small
         profit, and he doesn't have a Sealand passport... Finally
         British DNSCon organiser JONATHAN WIGNALL gave a practical
         demo of a worm, including suggesting the best place to
         release duch a beast would be at a place with a few thousand
         suspects. He then withdrew the idea, on realising that at
         HAL he'd still be the *prime* suspect. Such nervousness may
         have affected his aim in the final distribution of goodies:
         I haven't had my photos developed, concludes our
         correspondent, but with luck I should have a shot of him
         throwing the pen that hit me right in the mouth...
         FULL REPORT (WITH ALL THE JOKES LEFT IN) AT:
         http://www.ntk.net/2001/08/17/hal2001.html


                               >> SMALL PRINT <<

       Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
         happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
       on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
     nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
                       Registered at the Post Office as
        "to be honest, kind of bored of being the world's Steve Ballmer
        indiscreet video repository - can we get back to being the UK's
                most sarcastic weekly tech newsletter instead?"
         http://www.penismightier.com/main.php?start=1601&show=1

                                 NEED TO KNOW
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