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  • NTK 2007
  • NTK 2006
  • NTK 2005
  • NTK 2004
  • NTK 2003
  • NTK 2002
  • 2001-12-28
    MiniNTK #14
    CSS Sera Sera
  • 2001-12-21
    #225
    Kieren McCarthy Christmas tits tribute special
  • 2001-12-14
    #224
    Good news is old news!
  • 2001-12-07
    #223
    Demon learns a lesson, mh for Mac, twat or anti-twat?
  • 2001-11-30
    #222
    NCS vs NNTP, XPrez vs XP
  • 2001-11-23
    #221
    Weddings, Winnings and Winer
  • 2001-11-16
    #220
    Black Ice and other signs of Autumn
  • 2001-11-09
    #219
    Left, near the Middle
  • 2001-11-02
    #218
    Here come de judgement
  • 2001-10-26
    #217
    More career-limiting moves
  • 2001-10-19
    #216
    Those pesky kids
  • 2001-10-12
    #215
    Throttles of gear, pieces of eight
  • 2001-10-05
    #214
    With laws like these, who needs new ones?
  • 2001-09-28
    #213
    Return of the straw man argument, curiously BBC obsessed otherness
  • 2001-09-21
    #212
    `hostname` security department, semi-annual LIVE slagging
  • 2001-09-14
    #211
    The "You should have seen what they *wanted* us to put" Edition
  • 2001-09-07
    #210
    Opinions legal, irrational, and prejudicial
  • 2001-08-31
    MiniNTK #14
    Back to school Burning Man bonanza
  • 2001-08-24
    #209
    porn, pr0n, and pawns
  • 2001-08-17
    #208
    Imagine there's no money left, it's easy if you try
  • 2001-08-10
    #207
    Death of everything predicted, .mpg at 11
  • 2001-08-03
    #206
    More Dmitry, dancing Ballmer, cheeky brass monkeys
  • 2001-07-27
    #205
    Squelching bugs, silencing critics, coveting your neighbour's cache
  • 2001-07-20
    #204
    Adobe Incriminator, RBL quibbles, T-Shirts Classique
  • 2001-07-13
    #203
    Casualties of Browser War, Stupid Hash Joke
  • 2001-07-06
    MiniNTK #13
    future attractions, usual distractions
  • 2001-06-29
    MiniNTK #12
    Free beer, stuff we don't want to hear
  • 2001-06-22
    MiniNTK #11
    Poptastic parody special
  • 2001-06-15
    MiniNTK #10
    Wonka Oompas, more Fruit of the Moon
  • 2001-06-08
    #202
    No, I said Doug Rushkoff *above* Constrict Anus 100 Times Malarkey
  • 2001-06-01
    #201
    Monkey minifigs, free-the-Henson workshop
  • 2001-05-25
    #200
    Especially vindictive birthday edition
  • 2001-05-18
    #199
    NDAed NMA, JK's PKI, ACC's SFAs
  • 2001-05-11
    #198
    libel sell-by, interface bye-bye, mah-lah borg-ay
  • 2001-05-04
    #197
    sleeket, cowrin, tim'rous MSFTie!
  • 2001-04-27
    #196
    MayDay, DumbCode, DotOnes
  • 2001-04-20
    #195
    Tank Police, Tanked TV
  • 2001-04-13
    MiniNTK #9
    The Short Good Friday Mini-NTK
  • 2001-04-06
    #194
    Wireless' next trick, Shockwave Scalextric
  • 2001-03-30
    #193
    Registering the troublemakers, troublemaking The Register
  • 2001-03-23
    #192
    Yay, downturn and stately Xanadu
  • 2001-03-16
    #191
    Vorderman rude, dastardly Motley sued
  • 2001-03-09
    #190
    Nickers and Breaches, Shirts and "Pants"
  • 2001-03-02
    #189
    Manx, Cranks, and Arty Wanks
  • 2001-02-23
    #188
    Keymasters of the Gateway, Manic Nostalgia Miners, Finnish Film Roundup
  • 2001-02-16
    #187
    Dirty domaining, Dodgy Demon, and Dimwit Mail
  • 2001-02-09
    #186
    Pissy Noho, Alleged Ali, and the Sputnik
  • 2001-02-02
    #185
    Never mind /dev/bollocks, here's KPMG
  • 2001-01-26
    #184
    putting the "Nervous" into DNS, Schnews, and those damn dirty apes
  • 2001-01-19
    #183
    Ivan, Lotto and Dav(r)os
  • 2001-01-12
    #182
    Fracas, Faxers, and WAPpers
  • 2001-01-05
    #181
    "First F00ting", Athame with the NSA, more bloody ASCII art
  • NTK 2000
  • NTK 1999
  • NTK 1998
  • NTK 1997
  • HARD NEWS
  • ANTI-NEWS
  • EVENT QUEUE
  • TRACKING
  • MEMEPOOL
  • GEEK MEDIA
  • SMALL PRINT
 _   _ _____ _  __ <*the* weekly high-tech sarcastic update for the uk>
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                                >> HARD NEWS <<
                                 under purview

         Well, it's old news that RMS, Linus, and Ken Sakamura (of
         Alpha Centauri, we presume, like those Star Trek
         lists-of-three always end) won 100 million yen each, as
         co-winners of the 2001 Takeda Award for
         Techno-Entrepreneurial Achievement for Social/Economic
         Well-Being. Understandably, everyone's very pleased :
         "Richard Stallman will have a Happy Thanksgiving this year",
         chimes in USERLAND's Dave Winer, delighted as ever at
         someone else's good fortune. But, Winer argues, it's all
         very well these charitable foundations giving out cash to
         their own kind, but when will they start forking over to the
         people who really deserve financial support - profit-making
         companies? Well, not profit-making, maybe, but - yeah, like
         the man says, how about Sourceforge? They sure could do with
         some free cash, if only to reward those selfless
         shareholders. And allow us to ask the question Winer leaves
         unspoken but ever present: where, exactly, is *Dave's*
         money? As he says, RMS hasn't really pushed the envelope,
         has he? That whole free software thing, some sort of
         self-contained extensible editing and development
         environment, an airy-fairy C compiler technology, all
         envisaged, written and given away for free. Whereas Dave has
         designed an entire scripting language, for which he asks
         just a small stipend to purchase. Also, he updates his
         Website every day. And XML-RPC. He made that up. That's got
         to count for something, hasn't it? SO WHERE, PEOPLE OF THE
         WEB, IS DAVE'S FREE MONEY? Thanks for listening.
         http://scriptingnews.userland.com/backissues/2001/11/21
                                                            - thanks
         http://www-tech.mit.edu/V121/N59/59stallman.59n.html
                                                     - really, thanks
         http://www.ntk.net/2001/11/23/dohgpl.jpg
                                                         - no, merci!

         Last days before the Anti-Terrorism, Crime, Security, and
         Bad, Bad People Bill: in particular, this Monday is the
         Commons debate on the retention of communications data
         sections. To recap: currently, ISPs aren't allowed to store
         data for longer than it's useful in billing. The new law
         will allow them to do so, for the specific purpose of
         allowing the authorities to access it in any criminal
         investigation. As is always the case, the last few days have
         exposed a clutch of last minute gotchas in the proposed law.
         The Tories are proposing an amendment that will attempt to
         ensure that no data will be "disclosed to any private
         individual or organisation without responsibilities for
         national security." A nice idea, which means that not even
         the owner of the traffic data will be able to see what's
         held on them. And did we say ISPs will be keeping this data?
         Oh, sorry, we mean "a person who provides a postal service
         or a telecommunications service". By the legal definition of
         telecommunications service, you'll be pleased to know that
         your P2P file-sharing client falls into that category. Hope
         you're keeping those logs nice and neat for the kindly
         policeman.
         http://cryptome.org/uk-atcs.htm
                               - thanks to london2600 for the headsup

         It's like watching the entire history of representational art 
         repeating itself in microcosm; this week in the BBC NEWS 
         ONLINE graphics department, a breakaway group renounced the 
         psychedelic extravagances of "TV Set Displaying The Demon 
         Headmaster's Photoshop Plug-in Struggles To Leap Over A Bit-
         Spitting Mission-Impossible-Type-Fuse - None Of Which Explains 
         The Blue Chef's Hat On The Left" (as nominated by reader Tom 
         Anderson): http://makeashorterlink.com/?B2B721E2 . Instead, 
         this new faction advocate a Dogme-style literalism in their 
         work, epitomised by their illustration of the story "Barclays 
         in money laundering probe" with the crude still-life "Laundry 
         Basket, Next To Some Money" (nominated by Gordon Joly): 
  http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/business/newsid_1665000/1665474.stm .
         The trend then peaked in Tuesday's starkly uncompromising 
         "Entrepreneur, With Head Pointing Down", for the caption 
         "Entrepreneurs are keeping their heads down" (Mike Butcher): 
  http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/business/newsid_1665000/1665312.stm .
         Keep those submissions coming and maybe we'll hand out an 
         "Online Turner Prize" or something - we've had a few from 
         other sites as well, but we're proud to say that, for the 
         moment at least, BBC Online continues to lead the world. 


                                >> ANTI-NEWS <<
                             berating the obvious

         sure electro jazz sounds terrible, but is it technically a
         "war crime"?: http://www.ntk.net/2001/11/23/dohcrime.gif ...
         "blah blah blah terrorists to blame - you get the idea":
         http://www.pm.gov.uk/evidence.htm ... at least 4 vacancies:
         http://www.ntk.net/2001/11/23/dohcnnjob.jpg ... "see the
         difference when infrastructure starts with you?", asks HP ad:
         http://www.ntk.net/2001/11/23/dohhp.gif ... JONATHAN KING
         "more interested in finding, helping and breaking talent"
         reassures: http://www.kingofhits.com/pages/money.html ... AMMO
         CITY joins forces with own Flash-crazed web designers in
         clearly-not-doomed opportunity to spam 100,000 "receptive
         opinion formers": http://b2b.ammocity.com/ ... do come back on
         10th January 2000: http://www.webtech2000.co.uk/ ... POWs
         looking well: http://www.ntk.net/2001/11/23/dohprison.jpg ...
         "Compare our prices with the High Street - damn!", advise
         EMPIREDIRECT: http://www.ntk.net/2001/11/23/dohprice.jpg ...
         curse of the inadvertently inserted millions strikes again:
         http://uk.news.yahoo.com/011120/80/cg355.html ($530 = "374.6
         million pounds")... http://www.september11th.co.uk/ points to
         ... http://www.jesusfuckingchrist.com/ points to... ANANOVA -
         see me after class: http://www.ntk.net/2001/11/23/dohano.gif ...


                               >> EVENT QUEUE <<
                         goto's considered non-harmful

         It's surely IT journalism's "Wedding Of The Year": Ben
         Hammersley and Anna Soderblom, both of whose contributions to
         the "Times Interface" parish have been so often celebrated in
         these pages, are to marry this weekend in a private ceremony.
         It is hoped that, in keeping with "Interface" tradition, at
         least some of the vows and speeches will consist of verbatim
         recitals of press releases that turned up in the post that
         morning. And if you weren't invited either, why not take the
         opportunity to start work on your cheap and shoddy costume for
         this year's inaugural SANTACON UK (Sat 2001-12-15, London,
         one-size-fits-all suits available from Woolworths from
         UKP9.99)? The aim is to reclaim the pagan Christmas spirit by
         getting 100 people dressed as "Saint/Old Nick" to drunkenly
         stagger around the streets and shopping centres, on the
         understanding that any attempt to arrest them on public order
         offences might be massively traumatic for any kids who are
         watching. Ho ho ho, as they say.
         http://www.santarchy.com/
                  - mail santacon@hotmail.com for details of UK event
         http://uk.tombola.com/qxl/
              - a deliberate double-entendre on "sacks" here, surely?
         http://www.rhmfoodservice.co.uk/pages/calendar/calendar.htm
              - National Cranberry Week: Brit version of Thanksgiving
         http://www.benhammersley.com/
                                 - relax girls, Dr Keyboard's married


                                >> TRACKING <<
               sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering

         "I'm so sorry," wailed Phil Zimmermann, evil mastermind
         behind PGP and person most likely to destroy the world with
         his foolish FOOLISH meddling. Well, actually he didn't, but
         if the Washington Post can make out he was deeply sorry
         about directly causing Sept. 11th (both the event and the 24
         hour period itself, we hear), we can play up his recent
         softening of the whole "you must meet someone face-to-face
         to sign their key" mantra. These days he, and other
         cryptorights demigods, consider that an automatic signing
         bot (who'll sign your key if it knows you live at an e-mail
         address) might be one of the softening tweaks crypto needs
         to get it into the hands of everyone. Another bit is
         software like HUSHMAIL PROFESSIONAL for Outlook 2000, which
         wraps the whole shebang in an easy to use interface. At the
         moment Hushmail's playing catchup with the old PGP Windows
         codebase - and we're still a little cagey about their
         infrastructure's private key offsite storage angle - but
         it's a start. Or are we just compromising ourselves in the
         face of the New World Order? Ah, who cares. As long as we
         get our distributed porn, warez and tunez stashes encoded,
         we're happy.
         http://www.hush.com/solutions/hushmail_professional/
- we haven't got Outlook2000, but you may have. Send us a proper review!
         http://www.hush.com/images/diagrams/hushmail-pro-lg.gif
                               - hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
         http://www.templetons.com/brad/crypt.html
                                               - zero ui is *good* ui
         http://www.linuxjournal.com/article.php?sid=5605
- I've created a monnnnstah!
         http://www.philzimmermann.com/news-Response_WashPost.shtml
                                                - a monster for good!


                                >> MEMEPOOL <<
                the warm bit behind the http://www.gagpipe.com/

         retro ringtones: http://arcadetones.emuunlim.com/ ... must be
         prevented from teaming up with http://aj.hd.org/ - they'd be
         unstoppable: http://www.rudimentsofwisdom.com/ ... "Accidents"
         are third most important news category for Russians nowadays:
         http://english.pravda.ru/ ... so, do you support cookies?:
         http://128.220.40.178/previous/Fall99/GSNet/Sprpt953.htm ...
         Dr Manhattan survives again as Ozymandias flees the scene:
    http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/sci/tech/newsid_1664000/1664447.stm
         ... phew - who's just been to the SINGAPORE TOILET SUMMIT?:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/world/asia-pacific/newsid_1663000/1663934.stm
         ... http://www.coolbeauty.co.jp/sh02026.htm subtly imitates:
         http://www.yoni.com/loverf/vulvaintro.shtml ... while the -
         apparently for real - http://www.foesreunited.co.uk/ imitates:
         http://www.seethru.co.uk/zine/features/bullies_reunited/ ...
         the return of the grassroots do-it-yourself TVGOHOME clones:
         http://uncertain.org/%7Ekevan/cgi-bin/other.cgi ... pop parody
         double-bill: http://www.waider.ie/music/lyrics/gdb.html ,
         http://groups.google.com/groups?q=fat+l33t+spod ... BBC and
         THE TIMES keeping fairly quiet over their Taliban nuclear
         document goof: http://alternet.org/story.html?StoryID=11935
         ... THE ECONOMIST apologises for any inconvenience caused:
    http://economist.com/printedition/displayStory.cfm?Story_ID=865704 ...


                                >> GEEK MEDIA <<
                                  get out less

         TV>> "Casablanca", "Alien", "Star Wars" and - of course - "The
         Matrix" jockey for position in Graham Norton's 100 GREATEST
         FILMS (9pm, Sat & Sun, C4)... ITV desperately counters with
         STARS IN THEIR EYES CORONATION STREET SPECIAL (9.20pm, Sat,
         ITV), apparently including Janice Battersby as Bjork... but
         always nestling comfortably near the top of our "Top 100
         Greatest Movies (Or Other Cultural Artefacts) Of All Time",
         there's surprisingly entertaining Jagger/ Hopkins/ Estevez/
         Russo body swap sci-fi FREEJACK (9pm, Sun, C5): "Ah, Mr
         McCandless - good to have you back"... C4's much-hyped RICHARD
         AND JUDY show is enticingly scheduled in the hotly contested
         Mon-Fri 5pm slot... DESPERATE MEASURES (11.05pm, Mon, C4) is
         basically "Die Hard - But In A Hospital"... and never mind
         Kurt Russell's famous 60-word script, the props budget only
         seems to have only stretched to two military vehicles in Paul
         "Event Horizon" Anderson's disappointing SOLDIER (9pm, Tue,
         C5)... mock nationalist Al "The Pub Landlord" Murray adds an
         unusually self-referential twist to this year's THE ROYAL
         VARIETY PERFORMANCE (8pm, Wed, ITV)... in Thu's undercover
         double-bill, KENYON CONFRONTS (8pm, Thu, BBC1) imitates
         http://www.fallingcity.com/canary/bio_wertz_thrombosis.htm by
         showing how to fake your own death , while SLEEPERS (9pm, Thu,
         C4) pioneeringly infiltrates two opposing factions at the same
         time - this week: racists and Asian shop-owners... and
         finally, we don't know how much those hard-hitting posh women
         know about WHAT NOT TO WEAR (8.30pm, Thu, BBC2), but let's
         hope it's more than they know about running successful dot-
         coms: http://www.sun.co.uk/dotcomheroes/ready.html ...

         FILM>> is it just us, or does Robert Redford increasingly
         resemble a craggy Kirk Douglas impersonator in Tony Scott's
         flashy "Enemy Of The State" espionage followup SPY GAME
         (http://www.screenit.com/movies/2001/spy_game.html : Brad Pitt
         [...] uses strong profanity, ends up romantically involved
         with [Catherine McCormack], and finds himself set for
         execution in a Chinese prison)... otherwise it's Anna
         "Brookside" Friel, Michelle "Dawson's Creek" Williams, Kyle
         "Dune Guy" MacLachlan and Trudie "Sting's Wife" Styler -
         together at last! - in intense retro coming-of-ager ME WITHOUT
         YOU (http://www.cndb.com/ : [Friel] takes a bath with her best
         friend [Williams] and both girls' breasts are visible;
         [Williams has] a great pair and she's a fantastic young
         actress [though] it's not as much as she showed in "If These
         Walls Could Talk 2")... David "motherfuckin'" Mamet assembles
         the usual actor-fest for "one last job" crime caper HEIST
         (http://www.screenit.com/movies/2001/heist.html : Since the
         characters make their thievery look cool and smart, some kids
         could be enticed to try the same)... chipmunk lookalike Mariah
         Carey sings, acts a little in autobiographical vanity project
         GLITTER (http://www.capalert.com/capreports/glitter.htm :
         vulgar male dress; provocative self touching - repeatedly;
         cohabitation and intercourse - genitals unseen)... or, for all
         of you who didn't feel the original was quite gruelling
         enough, there's APOCALYPSE NOW REDUX - "Redux" being a Latin
         word meaning "with added nudity", from the looks of things
         (http://www.cndb.com/movie.html?title=Apocalypse+Now : Colleen
         [Camp] shows her mammoth breasts during a scene that has been
         added to the 3 1/2 hr Director's Cut; Aurore [Clement] takes
         off her robe to show her very, very nice breasts, and it might
         be possible to catch a glimpse of bush; [Martin Sheen is] nude
         and sobbing in his room. As he falls to the floor against his
         bed you can quickly see his penis and balls)...

         DRESS DOWN FRIDAY>> in the end, so many people sent in
         variations on the "fsck" theme that we had to go back to
         Moose's definitive http://www.cafepress.com/moose2000/ idea,
         and will now be giving a pound to someone like the Free Dmitry
         / Eurorights campaign for each "FSCK /LINUX" shirt sold. Got a
         problem with that? Then don't buy one and go and print your
         own. It's currently being sold through our intriguing Register
         distribution deal: http://www.geekstyle.co.uk/ , raising the
         questions: Is it a pro- or anti-Linux shirt? Will it placate -
         or further enrage - THE INQUIRER's famously Linux-hating
         reporter Andrew Thomas? And shouldn't it technically be "FSCK
         /GNU-LINUX"? There are some things that only you can decide...
         also now on Geekstyle: a "Born To Run" Spectrum one that we
         did to see how it looked; a few light-grey "Adminspotting"
         shirts to whet your appetite for the proper black ones due to
         arrive "any day now"; and, for the benefit of any atypically
         large, small, female or non-EU/USA-inhabiting readers, a
         "Special Limited Editions" boutique which will sell XXL or S
         or Skinny-Fit sizes (where available) to anyone who survives
         the mildly controversial PayPal signup procedure... recent
         entries continue to include graphics that we don't have the
         rights for: http://www.bloommedia.co.uk/richard/ntk/ntk.gif
         (thank you, RICO MONKEON); BEN MARANEY's bid to reclaim the
         much-abused "smiley" symbol: http://www.maraney.com/tshirt.htm
         and, more promisingly, PHILIP ROWLANDS' apparently European
         Article Numbering-compliant selection of actual readable
         barcodes: http://www.doc.ic.ac.uk/~phr/barcode.html ... but
         most of this month's action has been in text-only slogans,
         with WILL PHIPPS getting right to the point with his succinct,
         yet enigmatic, "Fuck The Internet". "Real Men Use CP/M",
         agreed MARKUS DIERSBOCK, while an ANONYMOUS CONTRIBUTOR posted
         four explicitly confrontational gems in rapid succession,
         including "Undercover Yuppie", "Hacked by Chinese", "Stand
         Back Or I'll Menstruate" and - our favourite, so far - "Davros
         Was Right". And acquitted former royal family Prestel hacker
         ROBERT SCHIFREEN http://www.dunhackin.co.uk/ chipped in with
         his poetic "Only the crumbliest, flakiest software - feels
         like software never tested before"... as ever, get in touch if
         you think you can do better - or if you're planning on winning
         a free t-shirt by wearing one during a Channel 4 news item on
         wireless war-driving: http://www.geekstyle.co.uk/images/ -
         well spotted, MARTIN LING. Though you don't have to go as far
         as reader "JEZ" who, inquiring after those Toxico "Police
         State: Do Not Cross" shirts we used to do (still available via
         Cybercandy), enthused: "It'll look good under my police
         uniform!". And they say coppers have no sense of irony...


                               >> SMALL PRINT <<

       Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
         happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
       on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
     nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
                       Registered at the Post Office as
                                "not gay porn"
          http://forum.fuckedcompany.com/ubb/Forum6/HTML/184228.html

                                 NEED TO KNOW
            THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK.
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