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NTK 2007 NTK 2006 NTK 2005 NTK 2004 NTK 2003 NTK 2002 2001-12-28 MiniNTK #14 CSS Sera Sera 2001-12-21 #225 Kieren McCarthy Christmas tits tribute special 2001-12-14 #224 Good news is old news! 2001-12-07 #223 Demon learns a lesson, mh for Mac, twat or anti-twat? 2001-11-30 #222 NCS vs NNTP, XPrez vs XP 2001-11-23 #221 Weddings, Winnings and Winer 2001-11-16 #220 Black Ice and other signs of Autumn 2001-11-09 #219 Left, near the Middle 2001-11-02 #218 Here come de judgement 2001-10-26 #217 More career-limiting moves 2001-10-19 #216 Those pesky kids 2001-10-12 #215 Throttles of gear, pieces of eight 2001-10-05 #214 With laws like these, who needs new ones? 2001-09-28 #213 Return of the straw man argument, curiously BBC obsessed otherness 2001-09-21 #212 `hostname` security department, semi-annual LIVE slagging 2001-09-14 #211 The "You should have seen what they *wanted* us to put" Edition 2001-09-07 #210 Opinions legal, irrational, and prejudicial 2001-08-31 MiniNTK #14 Back to school Burning Man bonanza 2001-08-24 #209 porn, pr0n, and pawns 2001-08-17 #208 Imagine there's no money left, it's easy if you try 2001-08-10 #207 Death of everything predicted, .mpg at 11 2001-08-03 #206 More Dmitry, dancing Ballmer, cheeky brass monkeys 2001-07-27 #205 Squelching bugs, silencing critics, coveting your neighbour's cache 2001-07-20 #204 Adobe Incriminator, RBL quibbles, T-Shirts Classique 2001-07-13 #203 Casualties of Browser War, Stupid Hash Joke 2001-07-06 MiniNTK #13 future attractions, usual distractions 2001-06-29 MiniNTK #12 Free beer, stuff we don't want to hear 2001-06-22 MiniNTK #11 Poptastic parody special 2001-06-15 MiniNTK #10 Wonka Oompas, more Fruit of the Moon 2001-06-08 #202 No, I said Doug Rushkoff *above* Constrict Anus 100 Times Malarkey 2001-06-01 #201 Monkey minifigs, free-the-Henson workshop 2001-05-25 #200 Especially vindictive birthday edition 2001-05-18 #199 NDAed NMA, JK's PKI, ACC's SFAs 2001-05-11 #198 libel sell-by, interface bye-bye, mah-lah borg-ay 2001-05-04 #197 sleeket, cowrin, tim'rous MSFTie! 2001-04-27 #196 MayDay, DumbCode, DotOnes 2001-04-20 #195 Tank Police, Tanked TV 2001-04-13 MiniNTK #9 The Short Good Friday Mini-NTK 2001-04-06 #194 Wireless' next trick, Shockwave Scalextric 2001-03-30 #193 Registering the troublemakers, troublemaking The Register 2001-03-23 #192 Yay, downturn and stately Xanadu 2001-03-16 #191 Vorderman rude, dastardly Motley sued 2001-03-09 #190 Nickers and Breaches, Shirts and "Pants" 2001-03-02 #189 Manx, Cranks, and Arty Wanks 2001-02-23 #188 Keymasters of the Gateway, Manic Nostalgia Miners, Finnish Film Roundup 2001-02-16 #187 Dirty domaining, Dodgy Demon, and Dimwit Mail 2001-02-09 #186 Pissy Noho, Alleged Ali, and the Sputnik 2001-02-02 #185 Never mind /dev/bollocks, here's KPMG 2001-01-26 #184 putting the "Nervous" into DNS, Schnews, and those damn dirty apes 2001-01-19 #183 Ivan, Lotto and Dav(r)os 2001-01-12 #182 Fracas, Faxers, and WAPpers 2001-01-05 #181 "First F00ting", Athame with the NSA, more bloody ASCII art NTK 2000 NTK 1999 NTK 1998 NTK 1997 |
_ _ _____ _ __ <*the* weekly high-tech sarcastic update for the uk> | \ | |_ _| |/ / _ __ __2001-01-19_ o join! mail an empty message to | \| | | | | ' / | '_ \ / _ \ \ /\ / / o ntknow-subscribe@lists.ntk.net | |\ | | | | . \ | | | | (_) \ v v / o website (+ archive) lives at: |_| \_| |_| |_|\_\|_| |_|\___/ \_/\_/ o http://www.ntk.net/ "Sources say Linuxcare will go down for stock. " - http://linuxgram.com/newsitem.phtml?sid=108&aid=11537 ...makes a change from "will work for food." >> HARD NEWS << political dues "We are proud to announce", reads the glorious socialist realist HTML, "the release of THE BIG BREACH: From Top Secret To Maximum Security (ISBN 0-9705547-8-8), by Richard Tomlinson, the first book by a dissident British author published by a Russian publishing house." Yes, after harassing Tomlinson across Europe, having publishers Fourth Estate raided, and spectacularly failing to squelch his last Net leak, MI6 is no longer on home turf. The Big Breach is, from today, available from the Russian publishers' Website - which, like all fifth columnists, plans to be an Amazon associate soon. Anyway, it's expected that MI6 will continue to attempt to ban the book in the UK. Unfortunately, they've chosen a particularly tricky moment to do so. Both the major ultra-distrib, uncensorab, pseudo-anonym, projects - Evil Genius's MOJONATION and Ian Clarke's FREENET are *just* stable enough to start taking in dirty washing like this. All they both need is a key name to start uploading the text to, and some way of distributing the job of typing in the pages. Obviously, we couldn't possibly be seen to encourage this kind of thing: but we do note there's a forum on the Russian site. And if you can adopt wee babies, surely some of you dastardly foreigners can set up an "adopt a Breach page" Website? http://www.thebigbreach.com/ - using SSL would make us feel a bit more comfortable, mind http://www.uprizer.com:8081/ - FREENET! Gateway! http://www.mojonation.net/ - a *lot* better since this week's bugfixes http://www.martian.fm/ebaby.htm - in case you missed this week's other net story "Does anyone read e-mails?" writes exasperated subscriber JOHN MILES to, we guess, nobody in particular. "I've been trying to alert the LABOUR PARTY", he explains, "to the 'I-worm.LoveLetter' virus they are distributing via their web site". Well, that usually gets our attention, if not theirs. And sure enough, clicking on the enclosed link and ploughing painfully half way down the low-res/rent archive of Prescottaganda, we finally see it: "Campaign materials - Tabloid Rose (12170 bytes)": a VBS file created by an infected activist's machine, and waiting to be redistributed faster than... well, faster than anything got redistributed by this government, that's for sure. Hardly a time-bomb, granted: but look closer at that URL, Oracle fans. Isn't it, as the www.haddock.org link John originally followed noted, a stored procedure that's getting its parameters direct from the URL? Viruses, *and* dodgy CGIs? We could be in for an interesting run-up to the election... http://www.labour.org.uk/lp/new/labour/labour.wwv_main.main?p_cornerid=89 - download your viruses http://www.labour.org.uk/lp/new/labour/labour.wwv_main.main?p_edit=y - upload your scripts http://www.hackinthebox.org/article.php?sid=1358 - and win a prize! http://www.attrition.org/mirror/attrition/2001/01/16/web.president.gov.ir/ - but not "most reckless" (yes, that's the President of *Iran*'s site) Kevin Kelly told us that someday, a small determined group would use the Power of the Net to coagulate itself into a enormous electronic hive-mind. He's a bee-keeper, so we believed him. We just weren't expecting it to start so early, or so much in UK.REC.COMPETITIONS. Regulars there are already demonstrating the damage a highly-interconnected mass-consciousness can wreak; between them (it), the uk.r.c posters estimate they (it) win(s) over 5% of the UK's online giveaways. So when BOL announced that its "Win 500 DVD Players!" competition was over - and nobody on uk.r.c had won a thing - they were, en masse, suspicious. BOL were adamant: yes, the winners had been notified. No, uk.r.c couldn't see the list. Yes, that was against ASA rules - but BOL only had e-mail addresses. Then how are they sending the DVD players out, responded the newsgroups' groupmind - as attachments? Good point, replied BOL, have some DVD players and go away. A happy ending - except for the knowledge that perhaps BOL *would* have gotten away with it, if it is wasn't for the unifying power of the froups. But are those supposed competitors getting too pally? A few days later, all of uk.rec.comps received a mail from BT. Dear Karen, it said, you've won a lava lamp. Apparently, BT say now, there's only one lava lamp - and only one Karen. And uk.rec.competitions is she. http://x53.deja.com/=dnc/viewthread.xp?AN=715709536 - don't mess with threads this long http://www.deja.com/=dnc/viewthread.xp?AN=717027906 - no, i'm karen! http://www.ntk.net/boldoh/ - historical perspective >> ANTI-NEWS << berating the obvious BREATHEMAIL.NET's domain expires: two months ago... also by the co-author of www.underground-book.com : THE DAN FARMER RAP http://lists.gnac.net/firewalls/mhonarc/firewalls.199504/msg00398.html ... PORTAPAM software produced by the creators of PORTAPIMP, PORTAHO ... KELKOO - not going for that diabetic demographic: http://m.doubleclick.net/viewad/456723-468x60_1a.gif ... optimistic TITLE tags at http://www.ntk.net/2001/01/19/dohasp.gif ... "the Amazon ad banner appears to originate from an Amazon ad server" - NEWSFACTOR uncovers amazing nature of <IMG SRC=""> at http://www.NewsFactor.com/perl/story/6731.html ... BT's DISRUPTIVE LABS start by disrupting http://www.adsl.bt.com/ ... SECRETS OF RAMA revealed! Powerpoint rendering engine moves massive structure through space! http://www.rendezvouswithrama.com/ ... REGISTER declaims GINGER hype, runs six stories on IT (Kieran? Call your wife, mate) ... can't touch this! Oh, you did: http://www.attrition.org/mirror/attrition/2001/01/14/www.mchammer.com/ hey, if they're running Unix on Macs these days, then why not http://www.sun.com/smrc/photohtmls/ppworksunray100-as.html ... >> EVENT QUEUE << goto's considered non-harmful In surely the new-media coup of the decade, music meat market MIDEM (Cannes, from 2001-01-20) has somehow managed to sign up both Herbie Hancock *and* Peter Gabriel (next year: Thomas Dolby and Bowie!). Delegates then have just enough time to catch the other shadowy masters of the military-industrial- entertainment complex at DAVOS 2001 (Switzerland, from 2001- 01-25), where they'll be plotting new forms of unfettered globalisation, unsustainable economic dominance - and, it goes almost without saying, the creation of a Dalek super-race. At NTK, we prefer a rather more direct way of separating rubes from their money, on show at AMUSEMENT TRADE ENTERTAINMENT INTERNATIONAL (Earl's Court, London, from 2001-01-23) where the suits can catch up with the coin-ops currently wowing the kids at London's top Trocadero test sites: NAMCO'S NINJA ASSAULT (essentially House Of The Dead with a recoiling gun, which almost makes up for the absence of the traditional Time Crisis "duck and cover" foot pedal); SEGA'S dull 007-esque CONFIDENTIAL MISSION (which seems to discourage the rapid-fire tactics which are the best bit of gun games); plus bizarre post-bemani free-expression percussive playalong MTV DRUMSCAPE (try and find a machine with a skipping CD drive, which offers the additional challenge of intersplicing Mud's "Tiger Feet" with breaks from "Relax" by Frankie Goes To Hollywood). http://www.davos2001.ch/eye.htm - "Surrounded by big, snow covered mountains". Say no more! http://www.ac.com/ideas/wef/Davos_2001.html - Anderson "Accenture" Consulting have nothing to hide http://www.emugaming.com/strider/flyers/ninjaassualt_flyer01A.shtml - trained for years in the martial arts, then you shoot them http://www.drumscape.com/op%20recommendations.htm - funnier than http://www.atei.co.uk/ , anyway http://www.colchester-artscentre.org.uk/ - John Peel presents "3 days of irresistible ear abuse" >> TRACKING << sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering AUTOLOTTO is a Windows program which - until too many people start using it, I guess, and we bugger up another good thing - automatically enters you for free online lotteries. It uses a simple scripting language to drive a IE5 browser ActiveX control (or whatever they're called now), regularly visiting the Lotto site, clicking on the "enter your favourite numbers" like a good prole, and automatically snooping around on whatever banners you're supposed to be rapturously devouring. Meanwhile, you you get on with something more satisfying in the foreground, and wait for the cheques. It comes set up for Bananalotto, and you can add your own plugins pretty easily (though watch out for that IgnoreURL field - it means ignore any URL that *doesn't* have the key in it). It's not too smart, but for now, the free lottery sites are even stupider - as befits their business model. Think of this as a trickle-down tax on stupidity. http://memelog.com/autolotto/ - and when they get smarter http://www.activestate.com/Products/Komodo/PyXPCOM/ - the code gets sneakier >> MEMEPOOL << oogle the google Wu-Tang Clan's RZA imitates The Onion's HERBERT KORNFIELD: http://www.360hiphop.com/360hiphop/silos/article/0,1034,0-2397,00.html ... original excuse - 10,000 MONKEYS shredded my presentation: http://pets.msn.com/news/article11.asp ... who needs DR WHO IMPERSONATORS http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/doctorwho/deadringers/ - do a "Ferris Bueller" with samples from KINDERGARTEN COP: http://www.ugo.com/channels/features/Schwarzenegger/ ... West at last reacts to Sov-bloc "Scorpion, Pentagon" SPECCY-clones: http://www.wynne91.fsnet.co.uk/ ... ideal SOCIAL-ENGINEERING- o-mobile: http://www.btopenworldshop.com/cars/commercial.jsp ... yeah, we'd make http://www.thegoodspider.com our home page - if it loaded a bit quicker... ban this NAZI MEMORABILIA: http://cgi.ebay.com/aw-cgi/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=540129867 ... out-of-work REBOOT characters doing pseudo-educational porn: http://www.findthegspot.com/ ... CARMACK the Love God: http://truemeaningoflife.com/wisdom.php?topid=12390 ... Brit BILLBOARD MODIFICATION: http://jxzz.com/random/taxcon.jpg ... LEGO! Lara Croft! Nude!: http://www.lego.com/mosaic/ ... >> GEEK MEDIA << get out less TV>> sadly, "Stars In Their Eyes" ante-upper BATTLE OF THE FANTASY BANDS (8pm, Fri, BBC1) is a one-off, sparing viewers an increasingly desperate weekly line-up of made-up tribute acts like the Pretend Pretenders, or the Sham Sham 69... former Popbitch star Adam Ant recovers in time to present I LOVE 1981 (9.05pm, Sat, BBC2)... and C5 seems to have settled on late January as the regular slot for its SCI-FIVE WEEKEND, kicking off with not-as-good-as-the-original BLADE RUNNER: THE DIRECTOR'S CUT (9pm, Sat), regular C5 schedule-filler THE LAWNMOWER MAN (11.15pm, Sat), and defensible Jodi Foster 2001 knock-off CONTACT (9pm, Sun) http://www.spesh.com/contact.html ... against which the other channels can offer only: overrated Cronenberg/ Debbie Harry body-horror VIDEODROME (10.35pm, Sat, BBC1); Trey Parker's Troma CANNIBAL! THE MUSICAL (1.55am, Sat, C4); Sean Connery disaster METEOR (2.15pm, Sun, BBC1); and John Carpenter's wildly unnecessary update of VILLAGE OF THE DAMNED (10.55pm, Sun, BBC1)... and good to see someone's preceded an ostensibly serious discussion the work of TOM HANKS: SCENE BY SCENE (11.25pm, Sun, BBC2), with arguably his daftest - yet most bearable - film, DRAGNET (9.45pm, Sun)... after "Space: Above And Beyond", ex-X-Filers Morgan and Wong - and some real horror talents - returned to "psychic gifts" as the theme of their next swiftly-cancelled show, THE OTHERS (9pm, Mon, C5)... fearful BBC top-brass bury CLIVE ANDERSON'S CONSPIRACIES in odd 8pm-ish and near-midnight slots Mon-Fri on BBC Choice... we don't care, we still think THE ROCK (9pm, Tue, C5) is one of the best action films of the '90s... even though it's up against E4's short-lived Hollywood horror ACTION (10pm, Tue) - itself preceded by NTK favourite THE NORM SHOW (9pm, Tue), and followed later in the week by digital- only previews of THE ADAM AND JOE SHOW (10pm, Wed, E4)... FILM>> Darren "Pi" Aronofsky finds one thing more addictive than pure maths - pure heroin! - in trick-shot degradation- fest REQUIEM FOR A DREAM (http://www.cndb.com : the film overall does not present a feeling of eroticism, more of tragedy; brief shot of Marlon [Wayans]'s buns; Jennifer Connelly finally shows us her bush)... Bill Paxton examines the pitfalls of combining the extreme sports of mountain- climbing and nitroglycerine-transportation in above-average "Cliffhanger" remake VERTICAL LIMIT (http://www.capalert.com : open urinating; shows you and your 13 year old kids what the nude body looks like - full male angled frontal nudity - of two males)... Ben Affleck takes a tip from Harrison Ford's "Random Hearts" - the best way to impress a married woman is arranging to have her husband killed in a plane crash - though of course the one thing modern airliners don't do is BOUNCE (http://www.screenit.com/movies/2000/bounce.html : [Affleck] and [Paltrow] kiss some more and we then see them in bed with him partly on top of her. She then sits up, he removes her top (we don't see anything) and they then kiss again while lying down where we then briefly see just part of the side of her bare breast. It's then implied that they have sex)... or, for the real filth-fans, there's Rachel Weisz in a blonde wig in British domestic abuse Thelma-and-Louise-alike BEAUTIFUL CREATURES (http://www.bbfc.co.uk : contains strong sexual references, violence, language and drug use)... plus hilarious "The People Vs Larry Flynt"-style Hollywoodisation QUILLS (http://www.cndb.com : Geoffrey Rush plays the Marquis de Sade here and shows us his butt for an extended amount of time; a wonderfully homoerotic moment in an interesting and raunchy little film; great actress Winslet bares her breasts once again [...] Her nipple pretty much takes up the whole theatre screen at one point [...] Unfortunately, she's dead)... MUSICAL DIFFERENCES>> thanks to everyone who pointed out that "She's The One" [NTK 2000-12-22] was written by Karl Wallinger "about 3 geological eras after he went his own way from The Waterboys" (writes "A LARDY PEDANTIC MUSIC FAN") - yet only TREVOR WINGERT went so far as to correct the same issue's claim of a "New Country" theme to the January's Uncut CD: "Whoa, baby!" cautions Trevor. "They are undifferentiated 'alt.country' wailings, which is waaaaaay different, the dot giving a strange kind of credibility that is woefully lacking in the tank-topped and not-countryish-at-all 'New' stuff." NTK apologises to both Trevor and this frequently misrepresented genre for "having done them wrong"... Mike Blanche noted that not all Radio 1's browsable images [NTK 2001-01-05] are thumbnails - http://www.bbc.net.uk/radio1/images/wallpaper/ are, for instance, some of the worst "Windows wallpaper" images any fan could wish for... and "It's not rubbish, it's just you all haven't quite tuned into it yet," protested Fatboy Slim's engineer, SIMON THORNTON, in defence of their new album, perhaps uncharitably described as "rubbish" in NTK 2000-11-10. Admittedly, we've since warmed to the big-beat track "Ya Mama" used in "Charlie's Angels", though we're not sure that's what Simon wanted to hear. Concerned readers are advised to get the free demo version with Saturday's Guardian and make up their own minds... in other promotional news, NESTLE'S GOLDEN/ CINNAMON GRAHAMS are once again shipping with a CD containing 5 mildly unsuitable indie-pop tunes - James' "Laid" ("She only comes when she's on top"), Ocean Colour Scene's impassioned anti-arms-industry anthem "Profit In Peace", and The Wonderstuff's execrable "Size Of A Cow" - plus the full game of Hasbro's unsellable 3D MISSILE COMMAND... oh, and on CD2, "Disco Down" by Shed Seven, who, RALPH FULTON observes, "have fallen on hard enough times to warrant re- recording one of their 'hits' (Speakeasy) for The Link's latest TV ads ('It's easy/ At The Link it's easy'). Ouch"... and finally, NEIL "OWNS EVERY AIR TRACK EVER" THEWARAPPERUMA solved *some* of the mystery surrounding that "cosmetics [ad] with the Air 'All I Need' rip-off" [NTK 2000-11-10]. "L'Oreal first used Air's 'La Femme D'Argent' in TV ads over a year ago," Neil declaims. "'La Femme D'Argent' was used directly in North America (I believe for hair products featuring Andie MacDowell). The UK commercials didn't use this track, but a similar Air-sounding tune, which may have been by the band themselves, no-one on http://www.egroups.com/group/air is really sure". He concludes with the bombshell: "Believe it or not, La Femme D'Argent was also used in a Qualcomm ad in the US". NTK regrets that this correspondence is now closed... >> SMALL PRINT << Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent. Registered at the Post Office as "Not _the_ Dave Green. Though we would say that, wouldn't we?" http://klf.life.eu.org/Misc/m25.txt NEED TO KNOW THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK. Archive - http://www.ntk.net/ Unsubscribe? Mail ntknow-unsubscribe@lists.ntk.net Subscribe? Mail ntknow-subscribe@lists.ntk.net NTK now is supported by UNFORTU.NET, and by you: http://www.ntk.net/books/ (K) 2001 Special Projects. Copying is fine, but include URL: http://www.ntk.net/ Tips, news and gossip to tips@spesh.com All communication is for publication, unless you beg. Press releases from naive PR people to pr@spesh.com Remember: Your work email may be monitored if sending sensitive material. Sending >500KB attachments is forbidden by the Geneva Convention. Your country may be at risk if you fail to comply. get well soon, mystic mike! |
