_   _ _____ _  __ <*the* weekly high-tech sarcastic update for the uk>
| \ | |_   _| |/ / _ __   __2001-10-26_ o join! mail an empty message to
|  \| | | | | ' / | '_ \ / _ \ \ /\ / / o ntknow-subscribe@lists.ntk.net
| |\  | | | | . \ | | | | (_) \ v  v /  o website (+ archive) lives at:
|_| \_| |_| |_|\_\|_| |_|\___/ \_/\_/   o     http://www.ntk.net/


       "A new kind of tennis has been served online. Called Photoshop 
              tennis the players are graphic designers, the balls are 
              images, and the racquets are stored in your computer..."
    http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/sci/tech/newsid_1613000/1613145.stm
...and your BBC sports-tech correspondent remains: ALAN PARTRIDGE. Ah-haaaa!


                                >> HARD NEWS <<
                               forgotten untruths

         There we were, thinking we'd *really* scared Demetron,
         makers of the Sunday Times' WORDMAKER kid-surveillance
         program. Last week's damning criticisms of their product, 
         as you'll recall, were: it broke child market research
         guidelines; violated what creditcard/password security your
         home PC ever had by storing plaintext versions of everything
         you type *including its own master password*; and it offered
         the less salubrious Times reader the chance for even
         creepier activities than silently monitoring their kids.
         Like monitoring other people (or we can rabble-rouse too:
         other people's *kids*) at cybercafes. But then we spotted
         Demetron's mass spamming of members of rec.arts.competitions
         back in June. Damn. Looks like they just don't care about
         marketing guidelines (where'd they get this mailing list
         from again?), security (the spam purports to be a
         "accidental" leak of their new product, with password), or
         having WordWatcher retooled for other uses. Or is it just us
         who thinks that last sentence, "You-know-who was on the net
         till 2:00 this morning, wonder what he'll say when he finds
         out I know his every move?!?" surely ought to set a few 
         data-protection alarm bells ringing?
http://groups.google.com/groups?selm=3b2623e8.850174%40news.freeserve.co.uk
                                   - "exclusive deal with the Mirror"
         http://www.wordwatcher.com/internetcafesmain.htm
 - they know about cybercafes too. And they want your *product keys*?

         "3 of them use illegal software. 1 of them is a hacker. 1 of 
         them spends 2 hours a day playing online games," says the new 
         poster ad on the London Underground for NetIntelligence from 
         IOMART. And what's more: "2 of them download and distribute 
         'Dubious Material'" - while, in a cubicle just across the way, 
         "1 of them is sending confidential info to a competitor". Now, 
         assuming there's no duplication here (our money would be on 
         that guy who's "a hacker"), that comes to a grand total of 8 - 
         and there's only 10 people in the picture. No wonder it takes 
         so long to get any work done round here. Iomart of course hit 
         the headlines a couple of weeks ago with their unsubstantiated 
         claims of "Arabic text and dates" steganographically concealed 
         in image files [NTK 2001-10-12] - intelligence partially 
         obtained by employing former hackers to download "dubious 
         material". Perhaps their time might have been better spent 
         securing the http://webmail.thinkmail.com/ interface to the 
         email address "sales@iomart.com" - which, for at least the 
         last two weeks, has had a slightly too literal interpretation 
         of the phrase "Enter 'password'".
         http://www.ntk.net/2001/10/26/iomart.jpg
       - "I took them away from all that. And now, they work for me."
         http://www.iomart.com/
                   - "Secure Internet. Secure Email. Secure Desktop." 
         http://www.ntk.net/2001/10/26/dohio.gif
          - probably not their official contact address. But still...

         For those who asked if we will still criticise THE REGISTER
         now they're reselling our T-shirts: please, you misremember.
         NTK is not at war with The Register. NTK has never been at
         war with The Register. The Register is a fine, notoriously
         reliable periodical. We'd *never* consider running a mocking
         piece on, say, Kieran McCarthy, who this week spent 380
         words out of a 660 word Register story recounting in detail
         the plot of Snow White. Instead we have always been at war
         with Mike Magee's THE INQUIRER - a website that's exactly
         like The Register, except with more CPU articles, and an
         almost unique tendency to feel we're insufficiently biased
         against The Register. Not that that this war is easy. Take
         when someone mails to say check out tech journalist Andrew
         Thomas on Mastermind soon, answering questions on the
         History of Computing; given how much he hates Unix, they
         ask, how is he going to deal with anything before 1975? Claim
         Bill Gates invented it just after he came up with the time
         machine? Now, do we ditch a piece like that because Thomas
         used to hate Unix at The Register, or run it in all caps
         because he now works at The Inquirer? Or do we try to care
         just a *little* bit less?
         http://www.theregister.co.uk/content/4/22472.html
            - the kind of context you just don't get from silicon.com
         http://www.delphi.com/theinquirer/messages?msg=796.1
             - Clive Anderson hosting new series on Discovery Channel 
         http://www.theinquirer.net/21100103.htm
         - funnily enough, Magee's still a major Register shareholder,
                              and no-one accuses *him* of favouritism


                                >> ANTI-NEWS <<
                             berating the obvious

         future sounds of London - review of next Monday's ELBOW gig: 
         http://www.dotmusic.com/live/Review/October2001/live22535.asp 
         ... XP lets you "delete data from [your] hard drive", reveals: 
         http://www.cnn.com/2001/TECH/ptech/10/25/xp.london.launch/ ... 
         refreshing MS honesty: http://www.ntk.net/2001/10/26/dohxp.gif 
         ... BBC Literal Illustrations Dept really getting stuck in: 
     http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/business/newsid_1619000/1619802.stm
         ... 30% - approx 2/7 - of cars stolen on Fri and Sat, say FBI: 
     http://www.azcentral.com/offbeat/articles/1022NEWS-CRIME-FBI-DC.html
         ... "knowledge of Linus" required - in the Biblical sense?: 
     http://www.it.jobserve.com/jobserve/JobDetail.asp?jobid=15015595
         ... Interactive BAFTAs go to "Walking With Beasts" TV show 
         (not shown yet), Black And White, Max Payne, Gran Turismo 3 
         and, for the fourth year running, BBC News Online... maximum 
       Widdecombe! http://www.headbalancer.com/?gallery=1&galleryID=main 
         ... liked "America: A Tribute to Heroes"? Then you may also 
         enjoy "Taken for a Ride (1996)" and "Intimate Portrait: Margot 
         Kidder (1999)": http://us.imdb.com/Recommendations?0296503 ... 
         "Vote for the fat bloke" mail urges gullible to "sabotage" ITV 
         POP IDOL show - by ringing their premium rate phone line...


                               >> EVENT QUEUE <<
                         goto's considered non-harmful

         "And the moon shall turn the colour of blood" would surely be 
         a more exciting byline for that Missouri-based writer's now 
         widely-discredited plans to get everyone to "paint the moon" 
         with hand-held laser pointers at various times this weekend 
         (from 8pm local UK time, Sat 2001-10-27). Objections include 
         the divergence of the beams, diffraction caused by the Earth's 
         atmosphere, and the fact that the moon isn't a shiny flat 
         mirror hanging there in space but an imperfectly reflecting 
         sphere which is incredibly bright already due to ambient 
         sunlight. Nonetheless, the guy behind the idea is unrepentant, 
         maintaining that "we need to have dreams that are bigger than 
         ourselves" - and maybe he has a point. In these troubled 
         times, perhaps we all need reminding that when we all work 
         together and really put our minds to something, we still can't 
         achieve the impossible. 
         http://www.paintthemoon.org/wont.html
                               - ye cannae change the laws of physics
         http://www.nanowrimo.com/
 - speaking of impossible dreams: Nov is National Novel Writing Month


                                >> TRACKING <<
               sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering

         Italian hacktivist jaromil, worshipful creator of hasciicam,
         has sidled into the higher-res vidcap universe with FREEJ, a
         newish GPL'd video effects utility that lets you layer
         endless video filters over your footage of Genoa police
         atrocities. You'll need the SDL library, video4linux (with a
         suitable video source), and - hooray! - the nasm 80x86
         assembler to get it working. While already a charming mix of
         live video capture and oldsk00l demoscene FX, the program's
         currently a bit short on FX plugins. It does feature a great
         implementation of the "spinning grid of multiple screens"
         rotoscope effect (as seen on '80s Top of The Pops and '90s
         Amigas), though, and some de rigeur colourcycling. You
         should be able to port the excellent EffectTV collection
         (hint hint). Or just use it to ponce around in front of a
         videowall in your giant ant costume, you arty fop.
         http://lab.dyne.org/
                                                         - hello PAL!
         http://effectv.sourceforge.net/
                                                     - hello NTSC-JP!
         http://linart.net/info/guide/
                                 - death to manifestos! viva HOW-TOs!


                                >> MEMEPOOL <<
                that warm bit under the http://www.gagpipe.com/

         Windows XP crasher in 5 lines of C++: can *you* do better? 
         http://tane.cream.org/files/crashxp.cpp ... what Finnish bears 
         do in woods: http://members.surfeu.fi/kklaine/primebear.html 
         ... anthrax threats in the post? hey, things could be worse: 
         http://www.record-eagle.com/2001/oct/19postal.htm ... or one 
         of those times when life imitates this week's Nathan Barley: 
         http://www.boston.com/news/daily/23/102301_tennis.htm ... at 
         last, a (Flash) flight-sim that doesn't need a 300-page 
         manual: http://www2.tell-tale.co.uk/telltale/flightsim.htm ... 
         "Edelweiss, Edelweiss - my mind is going. I can feel it": 
         http://www.computing.dundee.ac.uk/staff/irmurray/dectalkf.asp 
         ... TVGH back just in time: http://www.wimn.net/sg/my.shtml 
         ... and still topping patriotic pull-down menus everywhere: 
         http://www.flagline.com/countries.html ... smaller audience 
       than *Newton* users? http://download.planetnewton.com/downindex.asp 
         ... new thrill! it's "Separated at Birth", online. This week: 
         Paul Lassiter, the unloved stumbling buffoon from "Spin City": 
     http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Hills/3783/images/paul1-2.jpg
         vs Gordon Brown, unloved stumbling buffoon from Spin Parliament: 
     http://news.bbc.co.uk/olmedia/1570000/images/_1573323_pointing300.jpg


                                >> GEEK MEDIA <<
                 the mildly punctual http://www.tvgohome.com/

         TV>> as happened a few weeks ago with "The Usual Suspects", 
         I LOVE 1998 (9pm, Sat, BBC2) provides a free trailer for C4's 
         showing of shamless Brit gangster nonsense LOCK, STOCK AND TWO 
         SMOKING BARRELS (10pm, Sun, C4)... the obligatory Parker Posey 
         pops up in semi-competent domestic-dispute indie comedy THE 
         DAYTRIPPERS (10pm, Sat, BBC2)... yet film of the week - if not 
         the last decade - remains self-referential Schwarzenegger 
         shoot-em-up THE LAST ACTION HERO (10.05pm, Sat, ITV)... Suzy 
         "The Usual Suspects" Amis reappears in "gratutiously sexual" 
         lame RoboCop rip-off DEAD BY MIDNIGHT (10.55pm, Sun, BBC1)... 
         otherwise every night is Anthrax night with a BIOTERROR 
         Equinox special (8pm, Sun, C4)... PANORAMA examining "Bin 
         Laden's Biological Threat" (10.15pm, Sun, BBC1)... the 
         preposterous idea that the military-industrial-entertainment 
         complex might "create" wars to further their own ends, in Bond 
         bullshit TOMORROW NEVER DIES (8.30pm, Mon, ITV1)... and, on a 
         lighter note, scientists attempting "to locate Creation within 
         the human genome" in URBAN GOTHIC (11pm, Mon, C5)... speaking 
         of which, someone at the Radio Times still thinks that the 
         Thylacine (or "Tasmanian tiger"), featured in EXTINCT (10pm, 
         Tue, C4), had "the head of a wolf and a rear end similar to a 
         kangaroo" [NTK 1998-03-13]... Frank Black jams with "Kiss" in 
         the Halloween comedy special of MILLENNIUM (9pm, Tue, Sci-
         Fi)... C5's commitment to ground-breaking independent world 
         cinema continues with LETHAL WEAPON 4 (9pm, Tue, C5)... Wayne 
         "Newman" Knight's signature scene in BASIC INSTINCT (10.15pm, 
         Wed, C5)... and UNIVERSAL SOLIDER 2: BROTHERS IN ARMS (9.20pm, 
         Thu, C5) - not, it appears, based on the Dire Straits song of 
         the same name... disappointingly, cutting ATTACHMENTS (10pm, 
         Thu, BBC2) down to 30 minute episodes has only made them 
         duller: http://www.everyonehatesattachments.com/ ... and we 
         never really "got" THE SOPRANOS (10.35pm, Thu, C4), though 
         this season 3 opener does feature an amusing medley between 
         "Every Breath You Take" by The Police, and "Peter Gunn (Theme 
         from Spy Hunter)"... 
         
         FILM>> sorry - words can't express our outrage over last 
         week's covered-up low-key release for Tom Green's rawly 
         personal transgressive masterpiece FREDDY GOT FINGERED 
         (http://www.screenit.com/movies/2001/freddy_got_fingered.html :
         we see a bloody wound with part of the bone sticking out and 
         then see Gord [Green] licking that wound and bone with his 
         tongue; Gord tells his mother that if he were her, he'd go out 
         and have sex with strange men, basketball players etc; Gord 
         suddenly grabs a huge sausage and holds it to his crotch like 
         a large, erect penis, and then goes down the assembly line 
         where he works in that pose, saying that he's a "sexy boy")... 
         Reese "Election" Witherspoon, Selma "Cruel Intentions" Blair, 
         Ali "Varsity Blues" Larter and a near-unrecognisable cameo 
         from Linda "Freaks and Geeks" Cardellini transplant "Clueless" 
         into reverse-nerd-makeover courtroom "comedy" LEGALLY BLONDE 
         (http://www.capalert.com/capreports/legallyblonde.htm : much 
         talk of sexual body fluids; suggestive eye movements; girls in 
         skimpy underwear; calling The Cosmopolitan magazine "Your 
         Bible")... or, for all you arthouse fans, the Coen brothers 
         are back with another interminable period pastiche THE MAN WHO 
         WASN'T THERE (imdb: neo-noir)... oddly, there's only 3 songs 
         in subtitled Bollywood epic ASOKA (http://www.bbfc.co.uk/ : 
         rated 12 for "some moderate violence and horror")... and, 
         rounding off this week's trio of directors who'll never be 
         picked to helm a Bond film, Jan Svankmajer brings a tree stump 
         to life in part-animated Czech-version-of-"AI" LITTLE OTIK 
         (imdb: black-comedy / surreal)... 
         
         RED BOOK AUDIO: SONGS ON TV ADS THAT SOUND LIKE POP SONGS THAT 
         SOUND LIKE RETRO VIDEOGAMES - AND THE VIEWERS THAT LOVE THEM>> 
         after last month's allegations that Vodafone hadn't realised 
         the DANDY WARHOLS' "Bohemian Like You" is supposed to be 
         sarcastic, TIM BANNISTER similarly highlighted "Smile" by THE 
         SUPERNATURALS, as showcased in the TV campaign for smile.co.uk 
         - with lyrics like "Your life's a mess, you've been cut 
         adrift", "Smile, cause that's all you've got left", and "I 
         feel like a Dalek inside" among the more "irony-tinged": 
         http://www.thesupernaturalsofficialwebsite.com/music.htm ... 
         ADRIAN FURBY named Vodafone as "repeat offenders" in the 
         field, citing an Australian ad which features "bright young 
         things standing in front of a white tarpaulin" and "a 
         soundtrack that sounds suspiciously like the Stereo MC's 
         'Connected', but isn't"... while "You are Burger King", began 
         GRAEME VIRTUE - rhetorically, as it turned out. "You are trying 
         to punt your limp-looking, three-patty triple melt on the 
         telly," he continues. "What music do you put put through the 
         sonic copyright-blender?" BLUR's "talkie-talk knees-up classic 
         'Parklife'", apparently - "except it's a harrowing, chromatic 
         version that sounds like it's being played underwater. Say 
         what you like about McDonald's, at least they cough up for the 
         original songs"... ADRIAN MOULDER argued that "the music from 
         the ad for Heat Magazine, with women running round a maze, is 
         presumably supposed to be 'Sabotage' by the Beastie Boys", and 
         then ranted, at some length, about the claim that "the higher 
         the IQ, the greater the need for gossip" reproduced therein, 
         without substantiation, as scientific fact. "Can I complain 
         about it to the ASA?", he reasonably inquired, noting also 
         Morgan Stanley Dean Witter's "93% of communication is non-
         verbal" slogan for credit cards - a factoid which is, 
         ironically, "impossible to express without using words"... 
         Usenet consensus is that the girl in the Gap ad with the 
         electric guitar is playing "Back In Black" by AC/DC, though 
         one dissenter argues "I wish the riffs were in synch with what 
         her hands are doing"... and, finally, ALEX TEA strongly 
         objected to last week's frame-by-frame analysis of the new AOL 
         ad, asking "Who in their right mind would want to see Connie's 
         breasts?". More to the point: "Anyway, what about the new 
         naturist Freeserve advert?" he muses. "Can any of your Tivo-
         owning friends test that out too?"... 


                               >> SMALL PRINT <<

       Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
         happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
       on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
     nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
                       Registered at the Post Office as
                          "now available in Avant-Go"
                    http://nobodynet.ddts.net/palmntk.htm 


                                 NEED TO KNOW
            THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK.
                         Archive - http://www.ntk.net/
              Unsubscribe? Mail ntknow-unsubscribe@lists.ntk.net
                Subscribe? Mail ntknow-subscribe@lists.ntk.net
 NTK now is supported by UNFORTU.NET, and by you: http://www.geekstyle.co.uk/

                          (K) 2001 Special Projects.
             Copying is fine, but include URL: http://www.ntk.net/

                    Tips, news and gossip to tips@spesh.com
             All communication is for publication, unless you beg.
              Press releases from naive PR people to pr@spesh.com
     Remember: Your work email may be monitored if sending sensitive material.
       Sending >500KB attachments is forbidden by the Geneva Convention.
              Your country may be at risk if you fail to comply.