__ __ _2001-08-31 _ _____ _ __
| \/ (_)_ __ (_) \ | |_ _| |/ / o Join! mail an empty message to
| |\/| | | '_ \| | \| | | | | ' / o firstname.lastname@example.org
| | | | | | | | | |\ | | | | . \ o Website (+ archive) lives at:
|_| |_|_|_| |_|_|_| \_| |_| |_|\_\ o http://www.ntk.net/ "Taking the form of a page of the Radio Times, Brooker, 30,
has been an acerbic and often perceptive critic of modern TV..."
...Eurgh-urgh - look at me! I'm a page of the Radio Times!
>> HARD NEWS <<
smokin' in the loos
With an all-time shortage of teachers in the UK, combined with
current allegations of inexperienced, underqualified teaching
staff, it's good to see THE ASSOCIATION OF TEACHERS AND
LECTURERS addressing an issue that really matters: the ever-
present threat of kids falling under the online spell of
Satan. Of 2,600 children aged 11 to 16, "more than half said
that they were interested in the occult", reported THE TIMES
on Tuesday - activities which could "[go] beyond reading a
Harry Potter story", warned Peter Smith, the association's
general secretary. "Impressionable teenagers," the article
relates, are even encouraged "to join in chat rooms to express
how miserable they are". From there, of course, it's just a
matter of time before they're offering the Prince of Darkness
their eternal souls - though, frustratingly, there are "no
official figures" for victims driven to suicide in this way.
Well done, The Times, for highlighting the part played in
these tragedies by Lucifer and his godless protocols - as
opposed to other, more complicated factors, like bullying, or
unreasonable academic pressures, or that whole "being
miserable" thing mysteriously hinted at earlier.
- also, by definition, suicide cults never last too long
- dabbling with their Photoshop voodoo
New media uber-agency RAZORFISH closed their London office
this morning, right on schedule - hopefully the cue for you,
our readers, to mail us a few more of your genuinely deranged
memories of them. And tell us if you want to remain anonymous,
unlike MATHIAS DISNEY and PAUL GLYNN, who share this month's
no-prize for Worst BBC News Online Graphic Depicting Hacking.
Mathias nominated Thursday's "Mafiaboy Faces Sentencing" (and
"nearly every subsequent link") for their inspired use of the
classic superimposed sniper's crosshairs, but the outright
winner (nominated by both) is Wednesday's disturbingly
abstract illustration, described by Paul Glynn as "Evil Edna
from Willo the Wisp tries to steal bombs". From either Wile E
Coyote or Inspector Clouseau, from the looks of things.
- "Adverse comment on internet". Does this count?
- now make your own: http://b3ta.com/isdead/ >> ANTI-NEWS <<
berating the obvious
sporting blunders: http://www.ntk.net/2001/08/31/dohfelch.gifhttp://www.itv-rugby.com/postcards/ (see template/cards.txt) ,
last one probably deliberate... http://www.unmissabletv.com/
FALCO! http://www.ntk.net/2001/08/31/beme.gif "and this is how
we find out": http://www.lantronics.com/carlos/news.htm ...
ditto http://www.smashedatom.com/html/index2.html - *despite*
glowing testimonial from FLEXTECH, who set the company up in
the first place... "seller: John Ba- no, I mean JR HARTLEY":
... will an expensive education help you spell "School"? (Q5):
... http://www.metrodreams.co.uk/bapsn/Subs/subs.htm - oddly,
roughly translates as "There is no one who loves pain itself,
seeks after it and wants to have it, simply because it is
pain"... "and we have just the right presenter in mind":
http://www.ntk.net/2001/08/31/dohpool.gif ... court case hit
them harder than thought, or WORLD DOMINATION plans complete
at last: http://www.microsoft.com/uk/preview/forthcoming.htm
... GATEWAY's "growing businesses" sadly don't include their
... when oh when will the world tire of INAPPROPRIATE ALT
TAGS: http://www.ntk.net/2001/08/31/dohech.png ...
>> EVENT QUEUE <<
goto's considered non-harmful
ECTS next week(from Sunday 2001-09-02, ExCel Conference
Centre, London Docklands, free to trade), which makes a handy
creche facility for the suits while the real hardcore are at
GAME DEVELOPERS CONFERENCE EUROPE (from today, 2001-08-31,
ExCel Conference Centre again, UKP450 + VAT). Then there's ARS
ELECTRONICA 2001 (also from Sunday 2001-09-02, Linz, Austria,
preferred pronunciation: "Arse"); THE BRITISH ASSOCIATION
FESTIVAL OF SCIENCE (2001-09-02 again, University of Glasgow);
the near-gravitational pull of another one of those STRANGE
ATTRACTOR events (on "Cargo Cults", 7.30pm, Wed 2001-09-05,
London, UKP6 - book early to avoid disappointment); and,
following bizarre claims that he was "never even booked" to
appear at that recent Forbidden Planet thing, WARREN ELLIS
talking at WEB 2001 CONFERENCE & EXPO (from Tue 2001-09-05,
San Francisco, $50 or something). Though that's assuming you
ever make it back intact from Burning Man, of course.
- it's the http://www.ects.com which doesn't crash your browser
- hey artists, how about a hint of the venue?
- "I am become Flash, destroyer of worlds..."
- seeks hacker for live penetration at next month's gig
- Majestic-class superwriter to arrive via hyperspatial "door"
>> MEMEPOOL <<
oogle that google
Aaliyaaaaaaarghh! and predecessors imitate plot of JOSIE AND
THE PUSSYCATS: http://www.ntk.net/2001/08/31/dohair.gif ,
http://uk.imdb.com/Plot?0236348 ...MISSY ELLIOT, VIC REEVES
masks - together at last!: http://el.test.at/yougottahavefreak/
vs http://members.tripod.co.uk/rjbeckett/miffy.html ... amusing
the BLOGGERS: http://brainsluice.tripod.com/moonlanding.html ,
http://simon.fneh.net/ojmoira2.jpg ... how other countries see
us: http://www.vandra.clara.net/opinions/england.htm - clearly
hasn't run into some of the UK's more "swinging" citzens yet:
... this week's mad animations - NINTENDO ZELDA, THE VIDEO:
http://www.geocities.com/bakagnome/linkuss.swf , and whatever
this is: http://www.zefrank.com/invite/swfs/navigation.html
... food porn: http://xxx.bigknockershardcorecheesypeas.com -
vs http://www.halloumi.com/ ... notice they haven't tried
"installing AOL" yet: http://www.network-gw.demon.co.uk/ ...
how about combining http://bigmouth.here-n-there.com/ with
http://www.uclinux.com/hand-powered_web_server/ for SEGA BASS
FISHING emulator?... cos you always need a spare - for guests:
... CHRIST, on a bike: http://www.christiansportbike.com/ ...
implicit subtext of all school reunions resurfaces once more:
http://184.108.40.206/FriendsReunited.asp?wci=membernotes&member_key=708022 >> GEEK MEDIA <<
the now-on-Mondays? http://www.tvgohome.com/ TV>> activist-movie compilation ALT WORLD (7.30pm, Fri, C4)
appears to be the mildly controversial one from NTK 2001-05-
18: http://uk.indymedia.org/display.php3?article_id=5060 ...
following the spectacular misfire of "Let Them Eat Cake",
Jennifer Saunders is forced to resort to another series of the
comparatively popular ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS (9pm, Fri, BBC1)...
and, in a pre-emptive move to win one of his own t-shirts for
free or something, reader JEREMY G believes that he will be
wearing his http://uk.geocities.com/osfuk/bigbro.jpg design
during the "biggest wipeout" in STREET LUGE (7.30am, Sat, C4)
... in France, overblown Nic Cage accent catastrophe CON AIR
(9pm, Sat, BBC1) is called "Les Ailes de l'Enfer" ("Wings of
Hell") because "Con" means something else altogether... Oliver
Stone implicates almost every decent American character actor
in the assassination of JFK (10pm, Sat, BBC2)... and THE
TERMINATOR (10.30pm, Sat, ITV) is, indeed, "back", travelling
forward in time from when it was originally scheduled 3 weeks
ago... the annoying "Does my bum look big in this?" woman
narrates consumer pop-psych SHOPOLOGY (7.10pm, Sun, BBC2) -
though wasn't that originally a Larry Sanders catchphrase
anyway?... the new series of neo-"Good Life" sitcom DOWN TO
EARTH (8pm, Sun, BBC1) has some sort of e-commerce subplot...
C5's "Rock Day" goes up to 11pm, but kicks off with THE
KERRANG! AWARDS 2001 (12.40pm, Sun, C5), and bafflingly
includes the surely more soul-based BLUES BROTHERS 2000 (8pm,
Sun, C5)... BBC2 fields 3 largely unrelated martial arts
flicks and premiers the uncut ENTER THE DRAGON (9pm, Sun,
BBC2), following I LOVE KUNG FU (8pm, Sun, BBC2)... while C4
celebrates one of those rare British films that actually makes
any money with EAST IS EAST (9pm, Sun, C4), immediately
preceded by crowd-pleasing theological ratings-grabber TESTING
GOD (8pm, Sun, C4)... it's the acclaimed "Pine Barrens"
episode of THE SOPRANOS (10pm, Sun, E4)... a one-off prequel
to "Marion and Geoff" in A SMALL SUMMER PARTY (9pm, Mon, BBC2)
- followed by a new series of Steven "Press Gang" Moffat's
erratic COUPLING (10pm, Mon, BBC2)... as Susan "The Meme
Machine" Blackmore takes on other primate species to preserve
her reputation as THE CLEVEREST APE IN THE WORLD (9.03pm, Mon,
C4)... STANLEY KUBRICK: A LIFE IN PICTURES (11.20pm, Mon-Wed,
BBC2) does "2001" on Tue... Radha "Pitch Black" Mitchell
lesbian heroin drama HIGH ART gets the prestigious Tuesday
2.30am slot on C4... Radio4 repeats THE HITCH-HIKER'S GUIDE TO
THE GALAXY (6.30pm, Wed, R4)... and, because there just aren't
enough good serial killer documentaries nowadays, thank
heavens for MIND OF A MURDERER (9pm, Tue, BBC2), REAL CRIME
(10.20pm, Wed, ITV), plus - in something of a double whammy -
a SECRET HISTORY (9pm, Thu, C4) on crime during WW2!...
FILM>> it's "Point Break" - but in the Middle Ages! - as
Heath Ledger blandly battles through average action sequences
in refreshingly retro-bonkers Chaucer adaptation A KNIGHT'S
TALE (http://www.capalert.com/capreports/knightstale.htm :
gay suggestions; a LOT of full rear male [Paul "Killer Net"
Bettany] nudity, once up close, v-e-r-y close. In one of the
shots about 80% of the 60-foot screen was filled with glutei
maximi; "We Will Rock You" and "Golden Years" are quality
music by talented artists which just goes to show you that
being a practitioner of homosexuality has no appreciable
effect on the talents and skills of the practitioner, but such
practice DOES have an effect on his/her eternal soul)... the
"Harry Potter" spinoffs start to arrive with cross-dressing
owl musical HEDWIG AND THE ANGRY INCH (imdb: babysitter /
berlin-wall / betrayal / concert-tour / drag-queen / east-
berlin / flashback-sequence / limousine / part-animated /
restaurant-chain / rock-band / rock-star / sex-change /
trailer-park / transsexual / wig / adaptation-directed-by-
original-author / interracial-romance)... or Jennifer Lopez
"can date dead people" in romantic would-be thriller ANGEL
EYES (http://www.screenit.com/movies/2001/angel_eyes.html :
[Lopez] wears something of a halter-top that shows a bit of
cleavage; we briefly see [Lopez] in her bra; [we] don't see
her bare breasts that are blocked by [her] arms) - not, it
appears, based on the Abba song of the same name...
>> SMALL PRINT <<
Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
Registered at the Post Office as
"nooo - he's getting *everywhere*"
(Second icon down from the top)
NEED TO KNOW
THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK.
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