>> FUTURE ANTI-NEWS <<
predating the obvious
Now that the US wings of SUN, ADOBE, and COMPAQ are copying
our "all employees please go play in the road until further
notice" efforts, I guess we'll have return to work next
week. You know, to be different. Besides, the news is
beginning to pile up: After the whole ORBS debacle,
extreme vigilante netblocks like the splendidly pure
http://www.rfc-ignorant.org/ are popping up - and yes, we
certainly *do* intend to make assertions that these are the
"shared killfiles" predicted by William Gibson in his
"misunderstood" Idoru. Then we'll start bouncing all
incoming mail. We've also heard some intriguing stories
about BT's now desperate attempts to save cash, including
closing down irc.bt.net and internally trashing their whole
ADSL policy. But maybe should wait until they're replacing
twisted copper pair with the Curly-Wurlys and actively
strangling potential competitors' spouses before we report
on them again. But most of all, we're *itching* to see what
those *fierce* defenders of unsolicited commercial mail, the
DIRECT MARKETING ASSOCIATION will say when they discover
they've left their own membership mailing list publicly
available on their Web server. With the e-mail addresses of
some of Britain's most respected junkmailers, should anyone
want to get in touch with them for some reason we couldn't
- "it makes economic sense to shut down the factory"
- BT's just a blip anyway
- DMA Code of Practice Rule 4.12: Personal information must
always be held securely
>> ANTI-NEWS <<
berating the obvious
show 'em what it's like surfing through a text-to-speech
converter: http://uk.news.yahoo.com/010705/80/bxe7g.html ...
banner ads *so* inappropriate we suspect people are now faking
them: http://www.ntk.net/2001/07/06/dohburn.gif ... offering
"Commonsense in Computing" - though not in image compression,
from the looks of things: http://www.comice.co.uk ... MOZILLA
unveils handy new "public servant salary validator" plugin:
http://www.ntk.net/2001/07/06/dohsalaries.gif ... "where the
net works" (even if 800 of our employees don't any more):
http://360networks.com/ ... jaded SLASHCODE has "seen it all
before": http://www.ntk.net/2001/07/06/dohsd.gif ... what part
of "suspended" don't you understand? http://www.utility.com/
... http://www.number10.gov.uk/default.asp?PageId=3318 - "370
million consumers"? (3rd paragraph) How many passports is he
planning on selling?... Shoplocal2u - dumb name, dumb prize:
Microsoft "guilty of ant-competitive behaviour" (I crush you
like an INSECT!) http://www.theinquirer.net/28060115.htm ...
"Crispy Vegetarian Aborigines" - taking "bush tucker" too far:
http://www.ctjorganic.co.uk/buffetmenu.htm ... the search for
truth #2: http://www.google.com/search?q=tv+licensing ... did
she DIE in vain? http://www.ntk.net/2001/07/06/dohdando.gif ...
>> EVENT QUEUE <<
goto's considered non-harmful
Slightly earlier than usual DEFCON this year (from Fri 2001-
07-13, Las Vegas), though of course you might be saving the
airfare for slightly-closer-to-home outdoor-geekfest HACKERS
AT LARGE (from 2001-08-12, University of Twente, Amsterdam),
whose recent call for participation describes the central
conference topics as biometrics, digital rights, weird
science, security & privacy, and "closing the gap" (the global
casualwear store must be more unpopular than we thought). Also
attempting to put a name to your pain is the evidently less
cool EXPLORING CYBER SOCIETY II: DISSENT AND DEVIANCE IN THE
INFORMATION AGE (from Mon, 2001-07-09, University of
Northumbria, registration info unavailable), being the
adventures of a cross-disciplinary band of academics whose
interests include "computer hacking; the sending of logic
bombs and viruses; denial of service attacks; circulation of
criminal and obscene material; [...] organised criminality
[and] legitimate popular protest" (hey, whose don't?). Somehow
we suspect a similar crowd (though possibly fewer Linux
t-shirts) when STEWART LEE reads from his new novel, "The
Perfect Fool", at peculiarly-themed pub Filthy McNasty's (68
Amwell St, London EC1, 8.30pm, Wed 2001-07-11); "It is not
known if Mr McNasty himself will be present," Lee deadpans,
"or if he is a marketing tool like Mr McDonald."
- http://www.london2600.org.uk/ tonight, of course
- let no dissent remain uncommodified!
- "not a LAN party" (but could be the next best thing)
>> MEMEPOOL <<
oogle that google
not sure if taking the piss out of compensation lawyers is
the smartest move: http://www.ambulance-chasers.co.uk ...
http://tv.cream.org/buchan/ ... the ur-origami joke
explained: http://www.technicolor.org/origami/ball.html ...
the fucking inevitable BIG BROTHER BRIAN MP3 link:
http://www.diffusiononline.net ... president of newly
triumphant Screen Actors Guild played soothing, persuasive
voice of KITT in "Knight Rider" ... doctoral thesis hiscore
table: http://cmc.uib.no/gamestudies/ ... still some of
those automatic NATHAN text generators loose, we see:
http://www.folkdevil.com/psy7.htm ... not technically
*emulation* : http://madrigal.retrogames.com/dnload.html
DAVE WINER naked on a cold day! Dave Winer naked on a cold day!
... sex-slave to BOB HOPE *and* HENRY KISSINGER?
http://www.buggyballs.com/ vs http://www.buttcandle.com/ ...
Is Mr Wall there? Is Mrs Wall there? Oh, they are?
http://www.geocities.com/berlinwall_se/ ... Or is it perhaps
a trademark for Microsoft's Mind Control device -
>> GEEK MEDIA <<
the less rude www.tvgohome.com
TV>> the LOCK, STOCK "and a fist full of Jack and Jills"
episode (11.40pm, Fri, C4) is tastefully scheduled at the
height of the hyperthermic Ecstasy-death season... only four
made-for-TV domestic abuse dramas this weekend, with MOTHER
MAY I SLEEP WITH DANGER? (9pm, Fri, C5), EYE FOR AN EYE
(11.15pm, Fri, BBC1), DEATH WISH V (10pm, Sat, C5), and the
reassuringly titled NO ONE COULD PROTECT HER (10.55pm, Sun,
BBC1)... but overall a good week for low-budget '90s scifi, in
the form of A TOWN HAS TURNED TO DUST (12.55am, Fri, BBC1),
ISLAND CITY (1.05am, Tue, ITV), BABYLON 5: IN THE BEGINNING
(12.15pm, Wed, C4), BABYLON 5: THIRDSPACE (12.15pm, Thu, C4),
plus Elizabeth "Big" Perkins having more weird kid problems in
CLONED (9pm, Wed, C5)... Emma Thompson, who played a lesbian
in "Ellen", plays Hillary in arch Travolta Clinton satire
PRIMARY COLORS (9pm, Sat, BBC1)... Anthony Hopkins battles a
Baldwin and a bear in dullish outdoor romp THE EDGE (10.20pm,
Sat, ITV)... the Radio Times believes that EQUINOX's look at
lab rodents (9pm, Sun, C4) will, due to "genetic similarities"
with humans, explore the dangers of accidentally creating
sentient mice... followed by Sharon Stone/ Russell Crowe/ Sam
Raimi designer Western THE QUICK AND THE DEAD (10pm, Sun, C4),
last shown April 2000... spot the scenes mercilessly ripped
off by "Evolution" in edited-for-language? GHOSTBUSTERS
(5.05pm, Sun, C5) - last shown around New Year as far as we
can remember - launching a "Fantasy Hero Night" which
continues with LARA CROFT: LETHAL AND LOADED (8pm, Sun, C5) -
also the imaginative subject of THAT THING (9.50pm, Wed, BBC2)
- followed by two textbook terrible comic adaptations,
Burton's BATMAN (9pm) and Lundgren as THE PUNISHER (11.30pm)
... and, just before "Springtime For Hitler" Brooks classic
THE PRODUCERS (11.20pm, Mon, BBC1), Ruby Wax wheels out that
tired "pretending to be rude and direct" schtick for Hugh
Hefner in HOT WAX (10.35pm, Mon, BBC1) - ok, so how about
"When Ruby Wax Met Louis Theroux And Jon Ronson"?...
FILM>> fans will presumably be overjoyed with this all-too
accurate adaptation of the ponderously pointless Playstation
platformer, as Jolie largely fails to extend Lara Croft's
dramatic repertoire of jumping, running (while firing two
Desert Eagles), somersaulting, making vaguely sexual yelping
noises, and not conveying any convincing emotion except the
occasional sneer in TOMB RAIDER (imdb: adventuress/ based-on-
video-game/ helicopter/ katana-sword/ buxom/ illuminati/
planetary-alignment/ remake/ clock/ death/ father/ girl-power-
role/ gun/ orrery/ product-placement/ race-against-time/ time-
travel/ tomb/ archeologist/ archeology/ cambodia/ robot/ time-
reversal/ time)... or Helen Hunt gets caught in the rain
(again), Farrah Fawcett dances naked in a fountain, there's a
lesbian kiss between Kate Hudson and Liv Tyler, and the rest
of the cast - Shelley "Cheers" Long, Laura "Jurassic Park"
Dern, a near-unrecognisable Janine "Northern Exposure" Turner
- run around doing daft Dolly Parton impressions, as Robert
Altman ignores years of previous A-Team continuity in mildly
watchable misogyny farce DR T AND THE WOMEN (imdb: birth/
country-club/ dallas/ golf-pro/ hunting/ mall/ mental-
breakdown/ nudity/ ob-gyn/ storm/ texas/ lesbian/ divorce/
wedding/ lesbian-scene/ doctor/ father-daughter-relationship/
golf/ gynecologist/ godiva/ hestia-complex/ menopause/
twister/ dallas-texas). Though surely they'd have got more
press if Richard Gere had played (say) a rectal foreign-object
removal expert instead of a gynaecologist...
>> SMALL PRINT <<
Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
Registered at the Post Office as
NEED TO KNOW
THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK.
Archive - http://www.ntk.net/
Unsubscribe? Mail email@example.com
Subscribe? Mail firstname.lastname@example.org
NTK is supported by UNFORTU.NET, and by you: http://www.ntkmart.com/
(K) 2001 Special Projects.
Copying is fine, but include URL: http://www.ntk.net/
Tips, news and gossip to email@example.com
All communication is for publication, unless you beg.
Press releases from naive PR people to firstname.lastname@example.org
Remember: Your work email may be monitored if sending sensitive material.
Sending >500KB attachments is forbidden by the Geneva Convention.
Your country may be at risk if you fail to comply.