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                            >> FUTURE ANTI-NEWS <<
                            predating the obvious

         Now that the US wings of SUN, ADOBE, and COMPAQ are copying
         our "all employees please go play in the road until further
         notice" efforts, I guess we'll have return to work next
         week. You know, to be different. Besides, the news is
         beginning to pile up: After the whole ORBS debacle, 
         extreme vigilante netblocks like the splendidly pure
         http://www.rfc-ignorant.org/ are popping up - and yes, we
         certainly *do* intend to make assertions that these are the
         "shared killfiles" predicted by William Gibson in his
         "misunderstood" Idoru. Then we'll start bouncing all
         incoming mail. We've also heard some intriguing stories
         about BT's now desperate attempts to save cash, including
         closing down irc.bt.net and internally trashing their whole
         ADSL policy. But maybe should wait until they're replacing
         twisted copper pair with the Curly-Wurlys and actively
         strangling potential competitors' spouses before we report
         on them again. But most of all, we're *itching* to see what
         those *fierce* defenders of unsolicited commercial mail, the
         DIRECT MARKETING ASSOCIATION will say when they discover
         they've left their own membership mailing list publicly
         available on their Web server. With the e-mail addresses of
         some of Britain's most respected junkmailers, should anyone 
         want to get in touch with them for some reason we couldn't 
         possibly imagine.
         http://www.upside.com/BigCaps_Weekly/3b44df2b1_yahoo.html
                 - "it makes economic sense to shut down the factory"
         http://netsplit.de/networks/IRCnet/
                                           - BT's just a blip anyway
         http://www.dma.org.uk/thedma/cgi-bin/
         - DMA Code of Practice Rule 4.12: Personal information must
                                             always be held securely


                                >> ANTI-NEWS <<
                             berating the obvious

         show 'em what it's like surfing through a text-to-speech 
         converter: http://uk.news.yahoo.com/010705/80/bxe7g.html ... 
         banner ads *so* inappropriate we suspect people are now faking 
         them: http://www.ntk.net/2001/07/06/dohburn.gif ... offering 
         "Commonsense in Computing" - though not in image compression, 
         from the looks of things: http://www.comice.co.uk ... MOZILLA 
         unveils handy new "public servant salary validator" plugin: 
         http://www.ntk.net/2001/07/06/dohsalaries.gif ... "where the 
         net works" (even if 800 of our employees don't any more): 
         http://360networks.com/ ... jaded SLASHCODE has "seen it all 
         before": http://www.ntk.net/2001/07/06/dohsd.gif ... what part 
         of "suspended" don't you understand? http://www.utility.com/ 
         ... http://www.number10.gov.uk/default.asp?PageId=3318 - "370 
         million consumers"? (3rd paragraph) How many passports is he 
         planning on selling?... Shoplocal2u - dumb name, dumb prize: 
         http://www.competitions-online.co.uk/new/2-Jul-2001.html ... 
         Microsoft "guilty of ant-competitive behaviour" (I crush you 
         like an INSECT!) http://www.theinquirer.net/28060115.htm ... 
         "Crispy Vegetarian Aborigines" - taking "bush tucker" too far: 
         http://www.ctjorganic.co.uk/buffetmenu.htm ... the search for 
         truth #2: http://www.google.com/search?q=tv+licensing ... did 
         she DIE in vain? http://www.ntk.net/2001/07/06/dohdando.gif ... 


                              >> EVENT QUEUE <<
                         goto's considered non-harmful

         Slightly earlier than usual DEFCON this year (from Fri 2001-
         07-13, Las Vegas), though of course you might be saving the 
         airfare for slightly-closer-to-home outdoor-geekfest HACKERS 
         AT LARGE (from 2001-08-12, University of Twente, Amsterdam), 
         whose recent call for participation describes the central 
         conference topics as biometrics, digital rights, weird 
         science, security & privacy, and "closing the gap" (the global 
         casualwear store must be more unpopular than we thought). Also 
         attempting to put a name to your pain is the evidently less 
         cool EXPLORING CYBER SOCIETY II: DISSENT AND DEVIANCE IN THE 
         INFORMATION AGE (from Mon, 2001-07-09, University of 
         Northumbria, registration info unavailable), being the 
         adventures of a cross-disciplinary band of academics whose 
         interests include "computer hacking; the sending of logic 
         bombs and viruses; denial of service attacks; circulation of 
         criminal and obscene material; [...] organised criminality 
         [and] legitimate popular protest" (hey, whose don't?). Somehow 
         we suspect a similar crowd (though possibly fewer Linux 
         t-shirts) when STEWART LEE reads from his new novel, "The 
         Perfect Fool", at peculiarly-themed pub Filthy McNasty's (68 
         Amwell St, London EC1, 8.30pm, Wed 2001-07-11); "It is not 
         known if Mr McNasty himself will be present," Lee deadpans, 
         "or if he is a marketing tool like Mr McDonald." 
         http://www.defcon.org/
                  - http://www.london2600.org.uk/ tonight, of course
         http://www.unn.ac.uk/corporate/cybersociety/
                              - let no dissent remain uncommodified!
         http://www.hal2001.org/hal/03Topics/07CFP/index.html
              - "not a LAN party" (but could be the next best thing)


                                >> MEMEPOOL <<
                              oogle that google

         not sure if taking the piss out of compensation lawyers is
         the smartest move: http://www.ambulance-chasers.co.uk ...
         http://tv.cream.org/buchan/ ... the ur-origami joke
         explained: http://www.technicolor.org/origami/ball.html ...
         the fucking inevitable BIG BROTHER BRIAN MP3 link:
         http://www.diffusiononline.net ... president of newly
         triumphant Screen Actors Guild played soothing, persuasive
         voice of KITT in "Knight Rider" ... doctoral thesis hiscore
         table: http://cmc.uib.no/gamestudies/ ... still some of
         those automatic NATHAN text generators loose, we see:
         http://www.folkdevil.com/psy7.htm ... not technically
         *emulation* : http://madrigal.retrogames.com/dnload.html
         DAVE WINER naked on a cold day! Dave Winer naked on a cold day!
         http://www.justin.org/share/speak/reboot/2001/pix/boyssauna.lg.jpg
         ... sex-slave to BOB HOPE *and* HENRY KISSINGER?
         http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0966891627/ ...
         http://www.buggyballs.com/ vs http://www.buttcandle.com/ ...
         Is Mr Wall there? Is Mrs Wall there? Oh, they are?
         http://www.geocities.com/berlinwall_se/ ... Or is it perhaps
         a trademark for Microsoft's Mind Control device -
         http://www.computerandvideogames.com/story.cfm?sid=2985


                                >> GEEK MEDIA << 
                         the less rude www.tvgohome.com

         TV>> the LOCK, STOCK "and a fist full of Jack and Jills" 
         episode (11.40pm, Fri, C4) is tastefully scheduled at the 
         height of the hyperthermic Ecstasy-death season... only four 
         made-for-TV domestic abuse dramas this weekend, with MOTHER 
         MAY I SLEEP WITH DANGER? (9pm, Fri, C5), EYE FOR AN EYE 
         (11.15pm, Fri, BBC1), DEATH WISH V (10pm, Sat, C5), and the 
         reassuringly titled NO ONE COULD PROTECT HER (10.55pm, Sun, 
         BBC1)... but overall a good week for low-budget '90s scifi, in 
         the form of A TOWN HAS TURNED TO DUST (12.55am, Fri, BBC1), 
         ISLAND CITY (1.05am, Tue, ITV), BABYLON 5: IN THE BEGINNING 
         (12.15pm, Wed, C4), BABYLON 5: THIRDSPACE (12.15pm, Thu, C4), 
         plus Elizabeth "Big" Perkins having more weird kid problems in 
         CLONED (9pm, Wed, C5)... Emma Thompson, who played a lesbian 
         in "Ellen", plays Hillary in arch Travolta Clinton satire 
         PRIMARY COLORS (9pm, Sat, BBC1)... Anthony Hopkins battles a 
         Baldwin and a bear in dullish outdoor romp THE EDGE (10.20pm, 
         Sat, ITV)... the Radio Times believes that EQUINOX's look at 
         lab rodents (9pm, Sun, C4) will, due to "genetic similarities" 
         with humans, explore the dangers of accidentally creating 
         sentient mice... followed by Sharon Stone/ Russell Crowe/ Sam 
         Raimi designer Western THE QUICK AND THE DEAD (10pm, Sun, C4), 
         last shown April 2000... spot the scenes mercilessly ripped 
         off by "Evolution" in edited-for-language? GHOSTBUSTERS 
         (5.05pm, Sun, C5) - last shown around New Year as far as we 
         can remember - launching a "Fantasy Hero Night" which 
         continues with LARA CROFT: LETHAL AND LOADED (8pm, Sun, C5) - 
         also the imaginative subject of THAT THING (9.50pm, Wed, BBC2) 
         - followed by two textbook terrible comic adaptations, 
         Burton's BATMAN (9pm) and Lundgren as THE PUNISHER (11.30pm) 
         ... and, just before "Springtime For Hitler" Brooks classic 
         THE PRODUCERS (11.20pm, Mon, BBC1), Ruby Wax wheels out that 
         tired "pretending to be rude and direct" schtick for Hugh 
         Hefner in HOT WAX (10.35pm, Mon, BBC1) - ok, so how about 
         "When Ruby Wax Met Louis Theroux And Jon Ronson"?... 
         
         FILM>> fans will presumably be overjoyed with this all-too 
         accurate adaptation of the ponderously pointless Playstation 
         platformer, as Jolie largely fails to extend Lara Croft's 
         dramatic repertoire of jumping, running (while firing two 
         Desert Eagles), somersaulting, making vaguely sexual yelping 
         noises, and not conveying any convincing emotion except the 
         occasional sneer in TOMB RAIDER (imdb: adventuress/ based-on-
         video-game/ helicopter/ katana-sword/ buxom/ illuminati/ 
         planetary-alignment/ remake/ clock/ death/ father/ girl-power-
         role/ gun/ orrery/ product-placement/ race-against-time/ time-
         travel/ tomb/ archeologist/ archeology/ cambodia/ robot/ time-
         reversal/ time)... or Helen Hunt gets caught in the rain 
         (again), Farrah Fawcett dances naked in a fountain, there's a 
         lesbian kiss between Kate Hudson and Liv Tyler, and the rest 
         of the cast - Shelley "Cheers" Long, Laura "Jurassic Park" 
         Dern, a near-unrecognisable Janine "Northern Exposure" Turner 
         - run around doing daft Dolly Parton impressions, as Robert 
         Altman ignores years of previous A-Team continuity in mildly 
         watchable misogyny farce DR T AND THE WOMEN (imdb: birth/ 
         country-club/ dallas/ golf-pro/ hunting/ mall/ mental-
         breakdown/ nudity/ ob-gyn/ storm/ texas/ lesbian/ divorce/ 
         wedding/ lesbian-scene/ doctor/ father-daughter-relationship/ 
         golf/ gynecologist/ godiva/ hestia-complex/ menopause/ 
         twister/ dallas-texas). Though surely they'd have got more 
         press if Richard Gere had played (say) a rectal foreign-object 
         removal expert instead of a gynaecologist...


                               >> SMALL PRINT <<

       Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
         happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
       on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
     nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
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