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        "I would be surprised if Virgin is not the biggest provider of
         Net services in Britain within a couple of years. We've got
         the brand name to do it, the will to do it, the resources to
         do it and we're determined to do it..."
            - self-confessed net novice, RICHARD BRANSON, 2 years ago
 news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/business/the_company_file/newsid_280000/280576.stm
                ...also, having our own ISP sounds *incredibly* cool!
       http://www.mediaguardian.co.uk/newmedia/story/0,7496,502500,00.html


                                >> HARD NEWS <<
                               friends of yoors?

         Just what is the connection between the Guardian/Observer
         and dotcom no-hoper MOONFRUIT? The relationship dates back
         to 2000-01-20, when the Guardian ran a gushy day-in-the-life
         piece on the company. Entirely coincidentally, the piece was
         written by a Moonfruit employee, Justin "others have
         questioned my independence" Hunt. Justin's cut-and-paste
         from Moonfruit's pitch revealed that they would be "using
         the latest Flash-based technology": sufficient in itself to
         invoke the Tuneless Clank of Death in readers' ears. In
         April, a happy-clappy lifestyle piece in the same paper
         quoted heavily from the fruit's employees: "If commitment
         alone were enough Moonfruit - which has just secured its
         first revenue deal - would be massive". Sadly, though, being
         committed only helps in breaking into the psychiatric
         market, and by April 2001, the Guardian was writing more
         muted pieces, speaking only of the "arguable success" of
         Moonfruit.com, and mentioning that its "hyped" CEO Wendy Tan
         was trying to sell the thing off. If Wendy Tan was hyped, it
         was surely due to the Guardian and Observer: according to
         the FT's Global Archive, over half of the articles
         mentioning were from these two papers. This week, though,
         was the final straw: a piece which, once again, interviewed
         practically the entire Moonfruit founding team, this time
         asking them about their nice new jobs, given that MF has now
         sacked all but seven of its employees. But even *now*, the
         Observer is still including heavy-handed plugs for the
         company: "we were offering something they didn't know they
         wanted... whoever buys Moonfruit will be able to tap into
         that". Which leaves the question: who at the Grauniad
         management bought so heavily into this one-trick pony that
         they're *still* trying to flog it?
         http://www.guardian.co.uk/Archive/Article/0,4273,3952468,00.html
                                                       - "optimistic"
         http://www.guardian.co.uk/Archive/Article/0,4273,4013322,00.html
                                                         - "holistic"
         http://www.guardian.co.uk/Archive/Article/0,4273,4197128,00.html
         - In the words of Austin Powers: WHY WON'T YOU DIE?

         And so farewell, ORBS, the New Zealand anti-spam blackhole
         list, whose utter paranoia proved both a selling point and a
         (literal) liability. It's still not entirely clear why
         maintainer Alan Brown decided to kill it - although the
         civil suit against him in NZ by companies included on the
         list, and his decision this month to sell his ISP and quit
         the whole Net biz altogether might have *something* to do
         with it. Of course, ORBS has died before, to be reborn -
         Alan B. only picked up managing the service when previous
         operator, Alan Hodgson at Dorkslayers, threw in the towel.
         Now it looks like the former Alan has been playing around
         with restarting the service (although only for non-USA
         servers). And what's this? Mirrors of the complete ORBS
         blacklist, ready for someone else to take up the baton?
         http://www.dorkslayers.com/
               - anti-spam people: cranky to the point of incoherence
         http://data1.orbs.org/
                          - ...like we can complain. Full dumps here.

         Follow-up to last week's KEITH HENSON news: there's to be a
         protest outside the Canadian High Commission in Grosvenor
         Square tomorrow (or the day before yesterday, if you're
         reading this on Monday) at 1300BST. A prior meet will
         commence, in true British demo fashion, at the Marlborough
         Head pub, 24 North Audley Street, London, at noon. Of
         course, many anti-scientologists can be as, uh, enthusiastic
         as the most proselytising hubbardista, but we're sure
         there'll be plenty of room for everyone. If it gets too
         weird, or they start teargassing everyone, say you're
         nothing to do with the "manimals" and act like you're
         shopping.
http://groups.google.com/groups?num=1&ic=1&selm=m1vgm94ytr.fsf%40krusty.ath.cx
- this relies on you reading mail on late Fri/early Sat. Ah, you do.
         http://freehenson.da.ru/
                                                       - story so far

         *** STOP PRESS ***
         Keith Henson released: s/demo/thank-you celebration/, we guess:
         http://www.operatingthetan.com/freedom-release.txt
         *** STOP PRESS ***

                               >> ANTI-NEWS <<
                             berating the obvious

         net recession explained at last: "industry's driving force"
         http://www.idfl.co.uk/ has ceased trading; job demand greater
         than supply: http://www.ntk.net/2001/06/08/dohjobs.gif ... in
         accordance with MOORE'S LAW, 1982's BBC Micro was "twice as
         good" as 1977's Apple II, recalls HERMANN "BILL GATES" HAUSER:
         http://www.independent.co.uk/story.jsp?story=76427 ... after
         http://www.ntk.net/index.cgi?back=2000/now1013.txt&line=50#l
         vendetta - http://www.swapitshop.co.uk/ FALCO!... putting the
         "dead" back into dead tree publishing, SKY bows out with yet
         another "Sex issue"; BUSINESS AND TECHNOLOGY MAGAZINE goes
         under after being dragged round Cromwell Media, Reed and
         Dennis like a ginger stepchild... "Teenage Dirtbag"-style,
         JANE WAKEFIELD admits proliferating Iron Maiden, BO cliches:
       http://www.zdnet.com/zdnn/stories/comment/0,5859,2769008,00.html
         ... LINUX INSIDER's news aggregator not as "infallible" as its
         subject: http://www.ntk.net/2001/06/08/dohpope.gif ... "net
         proficiency" thinktank advocates "hypocratic oath" [sic] for
         politicians: http://www.idea.gov.uk/news/press/270401.htm ...
         must be a slightly racier version of MINESWEEPER than what
         we're used to: http://www.minesweeper.8k.com/ ... only one
         thing as bad as child porn, experts decree - HACKING TOOLS:
         http://www.securityfocus.com/templates/article.html?id=213 ...


                               >> EVENT QUEUE <<
                         goto's considered non-harmful

         Somewhere between "scrotnig" and "zarjaz" is our verdict on
         ART DROIDS 2000AD, a small but perfectly formed display of
         original artwork from the anachronistically named Brit sci-fi
         comic of the same name (level 2, Henry Cole Wing, Victoria and
         Albert Museum, London SW7, UKP5 to get into museum, free after
         4.30pm). Curator Rufus Dayglo is obviously a fan of scratchy
         old Mike McMahon (or friends with him or something), but the
         distinctive penmanship of Carlos "Strontium Dog" Ezquerra and
         Dave "Rogue Trooper" Gibbons also gets a look in, and there's
         an early full-colour Dredd story in which the "space vampire"
         is clearly painted on using Tippex. Almost unforgiveably,
         there's no Kevin O'Neill, though it is just next door to the
         Frank Lloyd Wright exhibit, where you can recite your
         favourite lines from "Blade Runner" against an authentic
         interior design setting.
         http://66.34.80.28/index.php3?page=news&story=VA
           - mag now features "full Werewolf/Vampire sex", apparently
         http://www.coolbeansworld.com/preview/marshal/index.php
      - more fun than Joss Whedon's future-Buffy "Fray" comic, anyway


                                >> TRACKING <<
               sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering

         If "Oooo-ICK! Ooo-ITCRITICKITRITRICKICRIT (etc)" are sounds
         that, nearly 20 years later, still set your heart a-racing,
         then prepare to take a stripey-blue-and-yellow trip back in
         time with Windows' premier Spectrum Tape Loading Simulation
         Screensaver, SCREEN$. Directly addressing the common emulator
         failing that a) they don't usually do the exciting line-by-
         line rasterisation of the loading screen, topped off with the
         clumsy "reveal" of the attributes file; and b) the games then
         turn out to be rubbish, SCREEN$ focuses exclusively on the
         loading screen element, painstakingly constructing one of 200
         popular ZX title images, accompanied by authentic real-time
         sound effects, then giving up and loading another one. What's
         more, it even crashes with convincingly depressing regularity,
         presumably part of a "forgetting to blu-tak your Kempston
         joystick interface edge connector" emulation feature.
         http://homepage.ntlworld.com/paul.dunn4/screen$.htm
             - "People reported being able to 'hear' the sound of the
                  Spectrum loading in their heads whilst watching the
              first, silent version." SO WHAT'S SO FREAKY ABOUT THAT?


                                >> MEMEPOOL <<
                               oogle the google

         OK, so who comes bottom when you search Google for "SEARCH
         ENGINE SUBMISSION SERVICES"?... One Onion Ring To Rule Them
         All: http://www.icv2.com/articles/home/429.html ... fuckin'
         STUDENTS: http://romance.al.cl.cam.ac.uk/ ... killer WAP ap:
         http://www.cocklefighting.co.uk/ ... UK government to process
         last 6 years of net traffic with SETI-style distributed
         screensaver... http://www.dj-i-robot.com/ ... maybe not the
         underpant-friction awareness campaign you were hoping for:
         http://dailynews.yahoo.com/h/nm/20010530/od/greenpeace_dc.html
         ... EA CORPORATE ANTHEM is epic, overproduced rework of what
         they did last year: http://www.geocities.com/ea_anthem/ ... at
         last - a BANNER AD that's inappropriate wherever it's used:
    http://media.interadnet.com/earthquake_images/00047033-991240086237.gif
         ... ANN WIDDECOMBE CAPTION COMPETITION - we have a winner!:
         http://www.neilhunt.org.uk/ ... this week's crank EBAY AUCTION:
       http://cgi.ebay.com/aw-cgi/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=1434765906
         ... filling in online registration forms using email addresses
         "borrowed" from (say) http://www.e-envoy.gov.uk/whoswho.htm ,
         http://www.dma.org.uk ... best argument against e-democracy
         so far: http://www.sclub7net.co.uk/best.htm ...


                                >> GEEK MEDIA <<
                                  get out less

         TV>> underrated cult-classic movie night tonight, with Billy
         Zane as Time Crisis' Richard Miller in Silent Scope: The Movie
         adaptation SNIPER (11.05pm, Fri, BBC1), plus African-American
         "Twilight Zone"-style anthology COSMIC SLOP (12.25am, Fri, C5)
         ... WW2 rages on with the dog-no-longer-called-"Nigger" edit
         of warcrime celebration THE DAM BUSTERS (2.35pm, Sat, BBC1),
         plus a refreshingly non-PC account of Japanese atrocities in
         HELL IN THE PACIFIC (9pm, Thu, C4)... and BBC1's embarrassing
         attempt to cash in on young people's text-messaging craze THE
         JOY OF TEXT NIGHT (from 7.25pm, Sat, BBC1) handily includes
         Sylvester Stallone as the mercilessly futuristic - yet
         cryptically monosyllabic JUDGE DREDD (10pm, Sat, BBC1)...
         William "Manhunter" Petersen props up flashy CBS-saving Vegas-
         set import CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION (9pm, Sat, C5)...
         allegedly supplying the inspiration for the terrible "Strange
         Days" http://binky.paragon.co.uk/it/issue17/sd/sd.html is the
         most shocking thing about 1960's supposedly meta-voyeuristic
         PEEPING TOM (3.40am, Sat, C4)... STEVE LEONARD'S ULTIMATE
         KILLERS (8.30pm, Sun, BBC1) travels the world in search of its
         most lethal animals and pits them against each other, to see
         which would win in a fight... while Bill Oddie and Adam "Local
         Heroes" Hart-Davis excavate LIVE FROM DINOSAUR ISLAND (7pm,
         Sun; 8pm, Mon & Wed, BBC2) - not to be confused with Martin
         Bashir's outrage over xenotransplant technologies that don't
         even exist yet, in ORGAN FARM (11pm, Sun; 11.30pm, Wed, ITV)
         ... Donal "Undercover" MacIntyre infiltrates the execution of
         Timothy McVeigh aka THE OKLAHOMA BOMBER (9pm, Mon, BBC1),
         previously postponed due to football... self-consciously
         offbeat Coen comedy THE BIG LEBOWSKI (11.05pm, Mon, C4) gets
         its terrestrial premier... teens talk dirty masquerading as
         social commentary in C4's TEENAGE KICKS strand (10.30pm, Tue-
         Thu, C4)... and using "genius sperm" can produce autistic
         offspring, reveals HOW TO MAKE A GENIUS (7.30pm, Wed, BBC1),
         as if the two were mutually exclusive...

         FILM>> "Shakespeare In Love" meets "Bring It On" in Kirsten
         Dunst's intertextual amateur dramatics highschooler GET OVER
         IT (http://www.capalert.com/capreports/getoverit.htm : vulgar
         dance moves with sensuous dress; encouragement of masturbation
         and sexual freedom by parents; gaping face kissing; vulgar
         mimicking of male intercourse with another male's ear; teen
         pair in her bedroom sitting on her bed giggling with no
         supervision; "Thank Buddha"; flatulence in an audience)...
         Warren Beatty's reincarnation comedy "Heaven Can Wait" comes
         back again - as a black guy! - with Chris "Lethal Weapon 4"
         Rock, Eugene "Best In Show" Levy and the directors of
         "American Pie" notably failing to enlighten DOWN TO EARTH
         (http://www.family.org/pplace/pi/films/A0014824.html : huge
         theological liberties; reincarnation is central to the story
         line; Jennifer "American Pie" Coolidge's immodest wardrobe is
         disgusting)... while Mathieu "La Haine" Kassovitz directs Jean
         "Leon" Reno as a mismatched cop partner in hotly unawaited
         clueless French "Se7en" remake THE CRIMSON RIVERS (MPAA: Rated
         R for violence/grisly images and language)...

         THE VICTORIAN AFFECTATION>> and well done to THE KIDS FROM
         FAME, who've fended off strong competition from both THE
         ADVENTURES OF ROBINSON CRUSOE and THE A-TEAM, to maintain
         their inexplicable pre-eminence at the top of our audio-visual
         UK bestsellers, now updated at http://www.ntk.net/books/ . The
         US chart has meanwhile been dominated by an individual (or
         individuals) intent on purchasing the entire back catalogue of
         both THE KINKS and ORSON WELLES - right up to his largely
         unheralded vocal performance in TRANSFORMERS: THE MOVIE.
         Bookwise, a recent surge by Thomas Pynchon and various guides
         to Dinky toys have failed to unseat the ever-popular NEAL
         STEPHENSON, though reader LLOYD WOOD was quick to point out
         that "sample chapters" of his recently re-released THE BIG U
         (well, the whole thing in fact) are still unofficially
         available online: http://www.csr.uvic.ca/~evemden/books/ ...
         in other news, watch for the literary debuts of geek heroes
         LINUS TORVALDS ("Just For Fun: The Story of an Accidental
         Revolutionary") and STEWART LEE (from out of "Lee And
         Herring"), whose "The Perfect Fool" appears to be a semi-
         autobiographical account of his personal quest for truth in
         Las Vegas, Arizona and Balham. Hardest man in SF GREG EGAN has
         updated his site http://www.netspace.net.au/~gregegan/ with
         full text of his Alan Turing vs CS Lewis short story, plus
         info on his next book, SCHILD'S LADDER, a promising-looking
         return to his previous "When Physics Attacks" form. Less
         prestigiously, DOUG RUSHKOFF is back with an "Open Source"
         novel, helpfully entitled BULL - and, even more worryingly,
         http://www.rushkoff.com/tour.html he's *right here in the
         country with us!*... thanks to everyone who wrote pointing
         out that the HOW TO GOOD-BYE DEPRESSION: IF YOU CONSTRICT ANUS
         100 TIMES EVERYDAY guy is at last available in textbook form:
         http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0595094724/ [NTK
         2000-10-27]... to A CHEFFIE, who theorised NTK 2001-04-27's
         link to "Ladies' Fashion/ Heavy Duty Equipments" merchant site
         http://www.symmic.com/ might be "an American Psycho startup
         kit"... and to HENRY RADDICK and "ANDREW LLOYD-WEBBER", who
         both objected to being described as "fake book reviewers",
         Raddick by highlighting his considerable critical oeuvre:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/cm/member-reviews/-/AA9IP6AYACFK5/
         - while "Every word is hammered on the anvil of truth",
         asserts Lloyd-Webber. "Ditto my good friend LLOYD GROSSMAN":
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/cm/member-reviews/-/A26B16032PETMN/ ...


                               >> SMALL PRINT <<

       Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
         happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
       on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
     nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
                       Registered at the Post Office as
               "the post-modern end of lefty British activism"
           http://www.inet-one.com/cypherpunks/current/msg00269.html


                                 NEED TO KNOW
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