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  • NTK 2007
  • NTK 2006
  • NTK 2005
  • NTK 2004
  • NTK 2003
  • NTK 2002
  • 2001-12-28
    MiniNTK #14
    CSS Sera Sera
  • 2001-12-21
    #225
    Kieren McCarthy Christmas tits tribute special
  • 2001-12-14
    #224
    Good news is old news!
  • 2001-12-07
    #223
    Demon learns a lesson, mh for Mac, twat or anti-twat?
  • 2001-11-30
    #222
    NCS vs NNTP, XPrez vs XP
  • 2001-11-23
    #221
    Weddings, Winnings and Winer
  • 2001-11-16
    #220
    Black Ice and other signs of Autumn
  • 2001-11-09
    #219
    Left, near the Middle
  • 2001-11-02
    #218
    Here come de judgement
  • 2001-10-26
    #217
    More career-limiting moves
  • 2001-10-19
    #216
    Those pesky kids
  • 2001-10-12
    #215
    Throttles of gear, pieces of eight
  • 2001-10-05
    #214
    With laws like these, who needs new ones?
  • 2001-09-28
    #213
    Return of the straw man argument, curiously BBC obsessed otherness
  • 2001-09-21
    #212
    `hostname` security department, semi-annual LIVE slagging
  • 2001-09-14
    #211
    The "You should have seen what they *wanted* us to put" Edition
  • 2001-09-07
    #210
    Opinions legal, irrational, and prejudicial
  • 2001-08-31
    MiniNTK #14
    Back to school Burning Man bonanza
  • 2001-08-24
    #209
    porn, pr0n, and pawns
  • 2001-08-17
    #208
    Imagine there's no money left, it's easy if you try
  • 2001-08-10
    #207
    Death of everything predicted, .mpg at 11
  • 2001-08-03
    #206
    More Dmitry, dancing Ballmer, cheeky brass monkeys
  • 2001-07-27
    #205
    Squelching bugs, silencing critics, coveting your neighbour's cache
  • 2001-07-20
    #204
    Adobe Incriminator, RBL quibbles, T-Shirts Classique
  • 2001-07-13
    #203
    Casualties of Browser War, Stupid Hash Joke
  • 2001-07-06
    MiniNTK #13
    future attractions, usual distractions
  • 2001-06-29
    MiniNTK #12
    Free beer, stuff we don't want to hear
  • 2001-06-22
    MiniNTK #11
    Poptastic parody special
  • 2001-06-15
    MiniNTK #10
    Wonka Oompas, more Fruit of the Moon
  • 2001-06-08
    #202
    No, I said Doug Rushkoff *above* Constrict Anus 100 Times Malarkey
  • 2001-06-01
    #201
    Monkey minifigs, free-the-Henson workshop
  • 2001-05-25
    #200
    Especially vindictive birthday edition
  • 2001-05-18
    #199
    NDAed NMA, JK's PKI, ACC's SFAs
  • 2001-05-11
    #198
    libel sell-by, interface bye-bye, mah-lah borg-ay
  • 2001-05-04
    #197
    sleeket, cowrin, tim'rous MSFTie!
  • 2001-04-27
    #196
    MayDay, DumbCode, DotOnes
  • 2001-04-20
    #195
    Tank Police, Tanked TV
  • 2001-04-13
    MiniNTK #9
    The Short Good Friday Mini-NTK
  • 2001-04-06
    #194
    Wireless' next trick, Shockwave Scalextric
  • 2001-03-30
    #193
    Registering the troublemakers, troublemaking The Register
  • 2001-03-23
    #192
    Yay, downturn and stately Xanadu
  • 2001-03-16
    #191
    Vorderman rude, dastardly Motley sued
  • 2001-03-09
    #190
    Nickers and Breaches, Shirts and "Pants"
  • 2001-03-02
    #189
    Manx, Cranks, and Arty Wanks
  • 2001-02-23
    #188
    Keymasters of the Gateway, Manic Nostalgia Miners, Finnish Film Roundup
  • 2001-02-16
    #187
    Dirty domaining, Dodgy Demon, and Dimwit Mail
  • 2001-02-09
    #186
    Pissy Noho, Alleged Ali, and the Sputnik
  • 2001-02-02
    #185
    Never mind /dev/bollocks, here's KPMG
  • 2001-01-26
    #184
    putting the "Nervous" into DNS, Schnews, and those damn dirty apes
  • 2001-01-19
    #183
    Ivan, Lotto and Dav(r)os
  • 2001-01-12
    #182
    Fracas, Faxers, and WAPpers
  • 2001-01-05
    #181
    "First F00ting", Athame with the NSA, more bloody ASCII art
  • NTK 2000
  • NTK 1999
  • NTK 1998
  • NTK 1997
  • HARD NEWS
  • ANTI-NEWS
  • EVENT QUEUE
  • TRACKING
  • MEMEPOOL
  • GEEK MEDIA
  • SMALL PRINT
 _   _ _____ _  __ <*the* weekly high-tech sarcastic update for the uk>
| \ | |_   _| |/ / _ __   __2001-11-16_ o join! mail an empty message to
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|_| \_| |_| |_|\_\|_| |_|\___/ \_/\_/   o     http://www.ntk.net/


        "Cookies form the fundamental transmission mechanic that
         powers the internet," said Danny Meadows-Klue, chairman of
         the Interactive Advertising Bureau.
  http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/sci/tech/newsid_1653000/1653907.stm
  - the only clue here is the name, and he's even got *that* wrong...


                                >> HARD NEWS <<
                                   gumshoes

         For several weeks now, London has been abuzz with questions
         about the "WHO IS LUPO?" baby posters. Questions like: what
         shit idea of a teaser campaign is this? Didn't these idiots
         give up after that "Who is Dave Matthews" embarrassment?
         And, of course, I wonder how bad the fake grassroots website
         is? As you'd imagine, whoislupo.com is exactly what an
         amateur investigation into the Lupo phenomenon would look
         like - if, say, it were designed by an ad agency who learnt
         about viral marketing about three weeks ago. "Try the links
         to these amazing sister sites we've discovered", offers the
         peculiarly well-branded front page, pointing to utterly
         independent offerings at www.whoislupo.com/japanese and
         www.whoislupo.com/usa . Or why not try our our Flash games?
         But don't, whatever you do, actually take the hint and *do*
         a whois lookup on whoislupo.com. Because then you'll find
         out it's created by a Nathanesque Islington Web design
         company that delivers "innovative concepts and scalable
         back-end solutions across a diverse range of industries" -
         including Volkswagen, makers of the Lupo car. Which anyone
         using Google would have discovered weeks ago.
         http://www.whoislupo.com/
                      - almost an object lesson in how not to do this
         http://www.worldofamiga.com/
                  - "hosted by Ovate" - aha! another phantom product!
         http://www.tobyslater.com/
            - thanks Toby; you doing anything with musicnit.com, btw?

         Information wants to be free: unless, of course, it's
         government information. In that case, with good behaviour,
         it could be out of chokey in five years. The Lord Chancellor
         and Grand Moff Irvine announced this week that the
         implementation of this new-fangled Freedom of Information
         Act is to be postponed until 2005 - three years after it was
         expected to start. The next few years will be usefully
         filled by government departments explaining what sort of
         thing they *will* be revealing, just as soon as they've
         checked for it behind the sofa. Canada, Ireland - heck, even
         Bosnia and Poland took less time than this to organise their
         FOIAs. The problem is: will the floodbanks hold until then?
         With the judiciary siding with those who use the Data
         Protection Act to grab their government files, and everyone
         and their mate mining what .gov.uk sites there are, who is
         now to stop a "Statistics Office In Exile" site, which could
         collate the unavoidable trickles of data into just the
         cohesive mass that the government doesn't seem to want let
         out? Hell, if the government wants companies to keep
         centralised permanent data on every citizens' doing, isn't
         it time that someone did the same to them?
         http://www.cfoi.org.uk/doubleblow131101pr.html
                                   - password protected. no, we jest.
         http://www.guardian.co.uk/online/story/0,3605,593343,00.html
                                                    - data minefields

         With the advertising and publishing industries healthier than
         they've ever been - plus of course the stunning lack of "cyber
         lifestyle" content available on the internet - now would
         indeed appear to be the perfect time to relaunch BLACK ICE,
         Brighton's answer to Mondo 2000 magazine (which, for those of
         you who don't - or choose not to - remember the early '90s,
         was kind of like "Wired", but less sane). "The first issue is
         filling up fast", reveals creator and visionary MARK BENNETT -
         though there are still opportunities (and maybe even a budget)
         for writers, photographers, illustrators, copy editors, ad
         managers, web designers and all-round "information omnivores"
         to contribute to its - sometimes almost achingly nostalgic -
         brand of cutting-edge futurism. But get those submissions in
         quickly - it's been 9 years since the previous print edition,
         so if you miss the issue 2 deadline, issue 3 might not appear
         until the year 2010, by which time we could all be keeping up
         with the latest high-tech trends via instantaneous computer
         communication networks, or something.
         http://www.blackicemedia.co.uk/press.html
          - "Image reproduced in Amiga Format article on 'Cyberpunk'"
         http://www.sfgate.com/chronicle/archive/2001/11/14/BU235867.DTL
              - Rosetto's back too: and still not listening to Reason


                                >> ANTI-NEWS <<
                             berating the obvious

         "PLEASE CONTACT THE FBI" if you can help identify the ALL CAPS
         bandit: http://www.fbi.gov/majcases/amerithrax/amerithrax.htm
         ... can't wait to hear about page 3 models called "Iran" and
         "Syria": http://www.ntk.net/2001/11/16/dohjordan.jpg ... ah,
         Jeeves - still trying to tempt people with those funny Easter  
         Eggs?: http://www.ntk.net/2001/11/16/dohjeeves.jpg ... Anthrax
         vaccination Flash ad, a guide to "handling dead human remains"
         - you don't have to be mad to work here, but this might help:
         http://www.armymentalhealth.com/ ... at last - "Ground Zero:
         The WAP Game": http://www.sonyericssonmobile.com/A2628/ ...
         "Did the trippy keyboard scare them off?" thinks PC on right:
        http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/uk/newsid_1640000/1640236.stm
         ... or laugh at the size of the Americans' puny game console!:
     http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/sci/tech/newsid_1634000/1634318.stm
         ... end of the line for http://www.totaljourney.com/ ... FALCO:
         http://www.wellbeing.com/features/feature.jsp?articleId=1001020
         ... BT OPENWORLD helps prevent 404 errors, banner ad reveals:
         http://ad.uk.doubleclick.net/viewad/628472/1-bt_opendown5.gif
         ... GUARDIAN calls "80C" and "120C" "hat and scarf weather":
       http://www.guardian.co.uk/uklatest/story/0,1271,-1300858,00.html
         - woolly liberals... suspicions about NT engineers confirmed:
         http://www.ntk.net/2001/11/16/dohclone.jpg ... isn't that
         Dudley Dursley?: http://www.ntk.net/2001/11/16/dohharry.jpg
         ... Nooooooo! My creations - they're TURNING AGAINST MEEEE!:
         http://www.ntk.net/2001/11/16/dohbill.png ...


                               >> EVENT QUEUE <<
                         goto's considered non-harmful

         We'd expect a slightly more muted version of this weekend's
         STOP THE WAR demonstration (from 12noon, Sunday 2001-11-18,
         Hyde Park, London) - they've now moved on to protesting
         against the inevitable ethnic infighting caused by installing
         an oil-export-friendly puppet administration in Afghanistan,
         the patriotism-fuelled restriction of civil liberties in this
         country, and the potential expansion of the conflict to Iraq.
         Christ, some people are never happy. Of course, you shouldn't
         even be reading this if you're already taking part in today's
         IRELAND OFFLINE web boycott, intended to highlight the high-
         tech magnet's alleged 3000% percent markup in dialup pricing -
         and lack of broadband or unmetered services - compared to the
         UK. All in all, perhaps the perfect opportunity to catch this
         year's LEONID METEOR SHOWERS (this weekend, various venues) -
         assuming that they *are* in fact meteors, and not "Day Of The
         Triffids"-style satellite weapons platforms dumping their
         payloads in the upper atmosphere.
         http://www.stopwar.org.uk/news.htm
   - "Just mercy killings" ( http://thesmokehammer.warprecords.com/ )
         http://www.irelandoffline.com/
               - of course they leave *their* site up, the hypocrites
      http://www.space.com/scienceastronomy/astronomy/leonids_2001.html
          - see, we *do* cover events outside London (every 33 years)


                                >> TRACKING <<
               sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering

         There are a million stories in Turing city and
         SWEETCODE.ORG, a site humbly devoted to "innovative free
         software", has all of the interesting ones. The bastards.
         From ROCKS, a program that sets up permanent Net connections
         (it's "screen" for all your other ports, CLI fans); to
         HASAS, a passive sonar analysis algorithm that finds exactly
         which floorboard that rat is under; to a better Graffiti for
         Palms; to a P2P PKI; to a new routine for making mosaics of
         Christy Turlington out of porn GIFs; to Image Analogies, a
         staggering demonstration of where equations can get you when
         you throw them at a Van Gogh painting. It's all there, in
         one convenient archive. As opposed to dragged out
         tantalisingly here for the next twelve weeks, with no
         indication of where we nicked each of the links. And god, we
         were tempted.
         http://www.sweetcode.org/
                                - it's the thinking person's memepool
         http://www.dumbcode.org/
                          - looking for a new maintainer, they do say


                                >> MEMEPOOL <<
                              hasta la altavista

         EBAY, the gathering: http://www.journeymanpress.com/game_ebay.htm
         ... consider yourself lucky we even answered your http request:
         http://www.byjove.com/ ... where your VIM donations go to:
         http://www.vim.org/iccf/news.html ... what your BT "donation"
         goes on: http://www.genie.co.uk/public/gmail/hotsmsF.html ...
         CARMACK's rockets getting close to launching deep space strike
         against the Strogg: http://www.armadilloaerospace.com/ ... AMIGA
         POWER "Canoe Squad"spinoff: http://kreskytv.com/ ... soon, they'll 
         be building themselves: http://jpbrown.i8.com/cubesolver.html
         ... praising God, infringing Lego, and confusing capalert:
     http://www.thereverend.com/brick_testament/cain_and_abel/gn04_01a.html
         ... those Christmas gift dilemmas: http://www.eyeties.com/
         or http://www.bulletprooftie.com/Product%20Information.htm ?... 
         win wars with POSITIVE THINKING: http://www.citizenwarrior.com/
         ... is it JOHN ASHCROFT - or CANCER MAN from the X-Files?:
    http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/world/americas/newsid_1646000/1646295.stm
         telnet://towel.blinkenlights.nl/ ... FUCKEDCOMPANY vs FASCISM:
         http://forum.fuckedcompany.com/ubb/Forum6/HTML/180558.html ...


                                >> GEEK MEDIA <<
                                  get out less

         TV>> the ever-reliable C5 provides a misanthropic alternative
         to CHILDREN IN NEED NIGHT (from 7pm, Fri, BBC1) with Arnie-
         free innercity slaughterfest PREDATOR 2 (10pm, Fri, C5)...
         Iain "The 11 O'Clock Show" Lee continues to deny his inner
         nerd in intriguingly rebranded "Bits - Minus Two Of The Girl
         Presenters" videogame show THUMB BANDITS (11.25pm and 1.45am,
         Fri, C4)... and, searching the poorly-publicised listings for
         ROCK PROFILE NIGHT (from 10.15pm, Sat, PlayUK), we stumbled
         across the curiously low-profile "from the makers of TVGoHome
         (soon to be its own TV show)" website adaptation UNNOVATIONS
         (10.20pm, Fri, PlayUK)... the hideous "Rock Profile"-style pop
         caricatures continue on Sat, when a former Take Thatter
         becomes a bland Frank Sinatra impersonator in ONE NIGHT WITH
         ROBBIE WILLIAMS (9pm, Sat, BBC1), while Cliff Richard sings
         songs that were hits for others during his epic career,
         including a scorching "God Save The Queen"/ "Anarchy In The
         UK" medley of classics by the Sex Pistols... fleeing this
         titanic ratings clash, everyone else gives up with efforts
         like I LOVE BLUE PETER (9pm, Sat, BBC2), and period medical
         mystery yawn THE MADNESS OF KING GEORGE (8.15pm, Sat, C4) -
         both lacking the true historical significance of OMNIBUS:
         CHUCK JONES - MR BUGS BUNNY (8.10pm, Sat, BBC2)... the BBC
         tackles those "dumbing down" accusations head on in ROLF
         [HARRIS] ON ART (6.55pm, Sun, BBC1), to be followed by
         "Jeffrey Archer's Guide To Great Literature" and "S Club 7's
         History Of Classical Music"... and Mon is overrated cult movie
         night, with both EASY RIDER (1am, Mon, C4) and RESERVOIR DOGS
         (10pm, Mon, C4) - "Let me tell you what Madonna's 'Into The
         Groove' is about: it's about Luke Skywalker attacking the
         trench on the Death Star"... there's a Japanese special of
         animation anthology HOT REELS (12.05am, Tue, C4)... NTK staff
         don't appear until the final episode of "I Love Our Liberated
         Modern Age" nudity clip-show TABOO (9.50pm, Wed, BBC2)... Mick
         Jagger debates the ending of his "Enigma" movie in BEING MICK
         (9pm, Thu, C4)... and middle-class psychotic Jimmy Carr,
         former host of "Drunk Review" on E4's short-lived "Show Me The
         Funny", presents COMEDY LAB's promising "World Of Corporate
         Video" (11.55pm, Thu, C4)...

         FILM>> hey kids: chances are, you are *not* the orphaned
         secretly-gifted wizard messiah who excitingly flies around
         before apparently "turning to the dark side" in the later
         films - like that's going to stop you going to overlong CGI
         posh kids irritant HARRY POTTER AND THE FRANCHISER'S DREAM
         (http://www.capalert.com/capreports/harrypottersorc.htm :
         Christmas without Jesus; magic to grow tail on a boy; boy
         conversing with a snake; one of the characters is 665.5 years
         old; ingenious planning and outstanding attention to detail
         rivaling commercial nuclear power production; and all to
         present evil as good)... annoyingly, the alternatives aren't
         much better, despite the supposed acclaim for teen "American
         Beauty"/ "Daria: The Movie" comic-book aimlessness GHOST WORLD
         (http://www.screenit.com/movies/2001/ghost_world.html : Enid
         [Thora Birch] shows some cleavage; Enid tears up a notice and
         throws it to the ground; Enid briefly sports a multi-colored
         dye job in her hair)... and completing the "pesky kids" theme,
         two vaguely incestuous coming-of-age limited releases: DISCO
         PIGS (http://www.bbfc.co.uk/ : rated 15 for coarse language
         and some strong violence and sexual references) and MY BROTHER
         TOM (imdb comment: utterly facile, regressive, self-indulgent,
         anti-establishment, anti-civilisation juvenilia)...


                               >> SMALL PRINT <<

       Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
         happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
       on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
     nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
                       Registered at the Post Office as
                            "pretty, I feel pretty"
                http://groups.google.com/groups?q=ntk+prettiest


                                 NEED TO KNOW
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  • HARD NEWS
  • ANTI-NEWS
  • EVENT QUEUE
  • TRACKING
  • MEMEPOOL
  • GEEK MEDIA
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