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         Q: Will the virus impact my Macintosh if I am using a
            non-Microsoft e-mail program, such as Eudora?

         A: If you are using a Macintosh e-mail program that is not
            from Microsoft, we recommend checking with that particular
            company.  But most likely other e-mail programs like Eudora
            are not designed to enable virus replication.

    http://www.microsoft.com/mac/products/office/2001/virus_alert.asp
...email client not spreading viruses properly? Upgrade to Outlook today!


                                >> HARD NEWS <<
                              set filters to "rude"

         Make $$$ on the Internet, part n+1: for many webmasters, it's
         a dream come true - after your URL (say, cult hit "Things My
         Girlfriend and I Have Argued About") appears in the Guardian
         Editor (2001-02-02), another newspaper rings up and asks if
         they can publish the content for UKP800, to tie in with the
         split between Kidman and Cruise. But... it's The Mail On
         Sunday, and you say "no". But... they go ahead and print it
         anyway, now with different names (a bit like that time The
         Graham Norton Show faked the call with the guy behind the Joan
         Collins glove fetish page). When confronted over this
         remarkable liberty-taking, the Mail then guiltily offer you
         twice the original sum (make $$$, remember!), but you're left
         wondering: is this penance enough, especially when your
         colleagues (at "The Weekly") include those scourges of big-IP-
         thievery, Jonathan Nash and Stuart Campbell, who successfully
         sued EMAP in early 1998 for putting their entire website on
         the coverdisk of a rival magazine?
         http://homepage.ntlworld.com/mil.millington/things.html
         - vs http://www.theweekly.co.uk/mail_on_sunday.gif
     http://www.ntk.net/index.cgi?back=archive98/now0904.txt&line=293#l
         - one thing Millington and his girlfriend *can* agree on
     http://www.ntk.net/index.cgi?back=archive99/now0402.txt&line=44#l
         - now immortalised on Norton's "Best Of" video and DVD
     http://www.ntk.net/index.cgi?back=archive98/now0123.txt&line=68#l
         - also alleged that they "sniff cat's bums for thrills"

         The US government hearings on the behaviour of ICANN
         continued, with a proud Senate declaring that they were
         probably the best people to guard the needs of the entire
         Net community. "We think of the United States as cutting
         edge.", said Senator Boxer, "If we don't take the ball and
         run with it I don't know what would happen!" she said. Well,
         the rest of the world play football with our *feet*,
         senator, but that's by the by. We look forward to US govt's
         swift justice regarding two oddly underreported stories of
         DNS-related high-jinks this week. Firstly, NSI's amazingly
         brazen flogging of its whois data: "The VeriSign/Network
         Solutions domain registration database", they say, "is
         available for the first time ever. Approximately 6 million
         unique customers, sliced and diced for you to target
         prospects". Nice. There's an opt out, written in invisible
         ink and hidden under one of the root servers: you might want
         to read the PRIVACY DIGEST's full report to find out what
         is. And secondly, after n+1 years of being peculiarly banned
         from registrations (largely, in true Queen Victoria stylee,
         because Jon Postel didn't like the idea), fuck.com was
         finally snatched (as was another word that's semantically
         related to "snatched"). Wasn't that kind of arbitrary? And
         isn't this the sort of thing which ICANN is supposed to
         equably resolve? Come on, Senators, where's your "cutting
         edge" now?
         http://www.vortex.com/privacy/priv.10.03
     - information on how to unslice and undice your personal details
         http://networksolutions.com/cgi-bin/whois/whois?STRING=fuck.com
                                       - we meant cunt.com, of course
         http://www.links.net/webpub/fuck.com.html
                                - Sue for lost earnings, Justin!
http://194.128.65.4/pa/cm200001/cmselect/cmcumeds/161/u161-602.htm
                          - like we do any better - search for "giga"

         So what does the Premier Plus service mean for Thus users?
         Well, this week it meant over twelve hours outage - making
         Valentine's day particularly isolating for the average
         Demonite. To make matters worse, though - or at least
         vaguely different for Demon - tech support was similarly
         borked, so that none of their staff could actually hear the
         customers complaining. Apparently they'd just pick up the
         phone, say "Hello? Hello? Is there anyone there?", then hang
         up, tutting solicitously. How much more lonely could you
         make these people feel?
         http://www.demon.net/helpdesk/status/status2.shtml
                   - YOUR NETWORK'S BROKEN, DEAR! YOUR N-E-T-W-O-R-K!


                                >> ANTI-NEWS <<
                             berating the obvious

         FALCO six FUTURE mags, including DCUK and MP3 MAGAZINE - in
         accordance with NTK prophecy [2000-04-14]... "Son of Satan -
         Suck That Black Worm Jism" not the corporate byline the P's
         had hoped for: http://www.ars.org.uk/View.shtml ... Reg's
         KIEREN MCCARTHY again proves sensitivity in "matters of the
         heart": http://www.theregister.co.uk/content/28/16903.html ...
         German to English http://babel.altavista.com/ translation of
         http://www.amazon.de/exec/obidos/ASIN/B000056HS5/ reveals
         adventures of "Buffy The IrishIrish Irish Slayer", and her
         boyfriend, "Fishing Rod"... he should've REMOTE VIEWED 'em:
         http://www.psitech.net/news/legal/lawsuit.htm ... what's wrong
         with this: http://www.1callnow.com (hint: "Order Now" goes to:
     http://pc2pc.virtualave.net/1CallNow_com%20-%20Sign%20Up%20Form.htm
         - harvests cc info via unencrypted frontpage extension)...
         *another* low-earth satellite constellation burns up in FALCO:
         http://biz.yahoo.com/prnews/010208/va_orbcomm.html ...


                               >> EVENT QUEUE <<
                         goto's considered non-harmful

         Following an unsubstantiated incident in which he "put instant
         coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time",
         surreal deadpan king (and "Super Sounds of the Seventies" DJ
         in Reservoir Dogs) STEVEN WRIGHT has now rescheduled his UK
         tour to take in the LONDON DOMINION THEATRE (Sun 2001-02-18
         and 25), BRIGHTON CORN EXCHANGE (Mon 2001-02-19), WULFRUN HALL
         WOLVERHAMPTON (Wed 2001-02-21) and the LIVERPOOL ROYAL COURT
         THEATRE (Fri 2001-02-23). Wright postponed the gigs from last
         November due to a "severe ear infection", despite having
         previously alleged: "You know when you're rocking in a rocking
         chair, and you go so far that you almost fall over backwards,
         but at the last instant you catch yourself? That's how I feel
         all the time."
         http://www.soloagency.com/html/Steven_Wright.htm
         - what actually happens: http://www.kilty.com/coffee.htm
         http://www.potato.org.uk/chipweek/
         - the British Potato Council present: National Chip Week 2001


                                >> TRACKING <<
               sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering

         The perl5-porters and their monkish acolytes huddle around
         camp fires at the base of Mount Imparseable, where Larry
         convenes with the spirit of The More Than One Way. If
         absolute peace is maintained, he will soon return with the
         Three-Hundred-And-Sixty-One Tablets of Perl 6. But as they
         wait, in the pre-dawn East the sickly glow of RUBY grows
         stronger. Yes, Ruby, the language that says it's like
         Smalltalk (but is really cleaner Perlish syntax with
         better-than-Python-OOP and Satherish iteration) has
         traditionally been trapped in Japan by the Great Font
         Divide, unable to vex its Western ancestor. But no more. The
         rods are cast in twain; Addison-Wesley have a book out.
         They've open sourced the reference section, and Dr. Dobbs,
         that gullible old gatekeeper, has even written a tutorial in
         January's issue. Larry is wise, and strong. But remember how
         his one regret was he didn't get to a Christian missionary?
         Guess what Ruby's creator used to be? A missionary in
         Hiroshima, Larry. In Hiroshima.
         http://www.perl.com/pub/2001/02/14/p6p.html
         - ""What *is* going on over there, anyway?", cries ESR
         http://www.pragmaticprogrammer.com/ruby/downloads/refman.html
               - the missionary stuff is in comp.lang.ruby (deja RIP)
         http://www.ddj.com/articles/2001/0101/0101b/0101b.htm
                             - only DDJ would do their URLs in binary


                                >> MEMEPOOL <<
                              hasta la altavista

         they put a man on the moon, but what do they put in the COFFEE?
         http://dailynews.yahoo.com/h/wjla/20010212/lo/20010212002.html
         ... http://bbspot.com/toys/slashtitle/ - promising, but can it
         also generate "Homoerotic Slashdot Post Of The Week"?:
         http://slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=01/02/11/216225&cid=21 ...
         ... THE SCOUTS http://www.scoutbase.org.uk/hq-info/image/ get
         their http://www.enormicon.com/08.html badge at last... now,
         please wash your hands before taping CHUCK D's fave show for
         him: http://www.publicenemy.com/terrordome.php?item=27 - he's 
         a rebel without a pause (button)... where's KEVIN? #1:
         http://www.contentville.com/expert/e_index_magazine.asp ...
         so, will PS2 and X-BOX do authentic 2D sprites and attribute
         clash? http://www.computerandvideogames.com/story.cfm?sid=2201
         ... we promise, we'll never run another "funny name" meme
         again: http://www.sis.gov.eg/egyptinf/culture/html/mmm.htm ...
         ... WOMBLING somewhat more complex than previously suspected:
         http://www.biomedware.com/Help/GEM/About_wombling.htm ... wha-
         ssup, DOC-TOR? http://rtf.kracked.com/shite/drwhotrue.avi ...
         where's KEVIN? #2: http://tv.cream.org/gorilla/winkery/ ...
         CHRIS MORRIS imitates NATHAN BARLEY imitating - oh, never
         mind: http://www.warprecords.com/bluejam/barguide/ ...


                                >> GEEK MEDIA <<
                        the less rude www.tvgohome.com

         TV>> OK, so our much-vaunted appearance on RIGHT TO REPLY
         (7.30pm, Fri, C4) was basically a more "serious" adaptation of
        http://www.guardian.co.uk/Archive/Article/0,4273,4118407,00.html
         with most of the jokes taken out - but, hey, Warren Ellis!...
         Sky once again prove their scheduling mastery with back-to-
         back crossover episodes of BUFFY (8pm, Fri, Sky1) and ANGEL
         (9pm)... and the rest of the week it's Nazis, Nazis, Nazis -
         again - with the paratrooper invasion of Crete in TIMEWATCH
         (9pm, Fri, BBC2), Operation Barbarossa in THE WORLD AT WAR
         (8.05pm, Sun, BBC2), Rudolph Hess in HITLER'S HENCHMEN (8pm,
         Sun, C5), subtly-titled three-part docu NAZI WOMEN (9pm, Mon,
         C4) plus, of course, the still jaw-dropping anti-sci-fi epic
         STARSHIP TROOPERS (9pm, Tue, C5) - part of an unofficial
         Verhoeven season which also includes his "lost masterpiece",
         SHOWGIRLS (10pm, Sun, C4)... giant insects similarly roam
         through average George "A-Team" Peppard '70s post-apocalypser
         DAMNATION ALLEY (12.20am, Sat, BBC1) - great truck, though:
         http://www.geocities.com/Baja/Desert/7445/thelandmaster.htm
         ... other themes of the week include '80s brat-pack movies,
         with C5 counterprogramming CLASS (11.40pm, Sat) against the
         end of THE BREAKFAST CLUB (10.50pm, Sat, BBC2), itself
         followed by DINER (12.20am, Sat, BBC2)... and cannibalism, in
         pre-Hannibal Miami Vice Radiophonic Workshop workout MANHUNTER
         (10pm, Mon, C4), new docu series CANNIBAL (10pm, Tue, C4) -
         intriguingly scheduled against a "Sausage Wars" episode of
         BLOOD ON THE CARPET (9.50pm, Tue, BBC2) - plus NATIONAL VELVET
         (3.35pm, Sat, BBC2), which features a horse tantalisingly
         named "The Pie"... THE SHAPE OF THINGS THAT HUM (2.20am, Sun,
         C4) squelches over the Roland TB-303... Matthew "Scream"
         Lillard and Keri "Felicity" Russell enliven urban-myth teen-
         killer DEAD MAN'S CURVE (11.15pm, Wed, BBC1)... while Douglas
         Rushkoff is this week's goggle-eyed guest on DISINFO NATION
         (1.10am, Thu, C4), apparently explaining "media viruses" and
         why there's no "us" and "them" any more. No Doug, nowadays
         it's just "us" and "you"...

         FILM>> nice visuals, but Ridley Scott, as usual, forgets to
         check if what he's filming has any kind of plot, in graphic
         sub-standard Silence sequel HANNIBAL (http://www.screenit.com :
         we see [Gary Oldman] [...] with his pants around his ankles
         - and a very brief, but disorienting shot of what looks like
         the lower part of [Oldman's] bare butt)... David Mamet cuts
         back on the swearing in magic-of-moviemaking Waiting For
         Guffman-esque goof-off STATE AND MAIN (http://www.screenit.com :
         we see a great deal of [Sarah Jessica Parker's] nude leg
         [...] and it's heavily implied that the rest of her is nude as
         well)... while reader Lloyd Wood - who, we imagine, has no
         reason to lie - attests that he saw the word "Minging" in a
         bus ad for David Spade Disney feelgooder THE EMPEROR'S NEW
         GROOVE (http://www.capalert.com : Thank you, Disney. You did
         good ... this time. It is, however, a bitter pill to swallow
         knowing you have done things like Kids, Chasing Amy, and Pulp
         Fiction [Hebr. 5:14])... otherwise it's the titanic faceoff
         between two hotly awaited CCG/RPG game adaptations: Pokemon-
         but-in-The-Matrix-universe knock-off DIGIMON - THE MOVIE
         (http://www.screenit.com : we hear a farting sound from a
         young Digimon and then see some excrement on the floor below
         it - this is later repeated; in the short film preceding the
         main attraction, several animated characters hit or throw
         things that hit a robot)... or Jeremy "Die Hard 3" Irons,
         Marlon "Scary Movie" Wayans, Tom "Dr Who" Baker, Richard "The
         Crystal Maze" O'Brien and Thora "Songs Of Praise" Birch -
         together at last! - in cleric-free CGI-packed effects-fest
         DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS (http://www.capalert.com : many, many
         images of a form fitting breastplate - female; snakelike
         parasite crawling under skin and coming out ears, repeatedly;
         decayed human remains talking and giving instructions; open
         mouth kissing; portrayal of magic as the "Force" - ref: Star
         Wars(tm) - giving balance to all things)...

         THE "VICTORIAN AFFECTATION" (being our new catch-all term
         for books, magazines, or other print-based entertainment)>>
         you know how it is: we rewrite our bestselller-analysing
         script, then Amazon UK go and stop doing email updates and
         put all their sales reports on the web like Amazon US.
         Anyway, a snapshot of what you were buying until the start
         of last week persists at http://www.ntk.net/books/ ,
         complete with automated attempts to locate UK books on the
         US site (note occasional "guesses" at US equivalents, where
         exact matches may not be immediately apparent). Oh, and the
         reporting software appears to have elided several different
         episodes of the wildly popular THE ADVENTURES OF ROBINSON
         CRUSOE (DVD or VHS); no such explanation appears to account
         for the three separate purchases of KIDS FROM FAME
         [SOUNDTRACK], making this jaunty '80s stage-school
         Popstars-alike NTK Readers' Favourite Album Of All Time...
         the rest of the chart continues to be dominated by
         contemporary fiction, programming manuals and, of course,
         Neal Stephenson, making us duty-bound to highlight the
         rerelease of his ebullient 1980s campus-caper debut THE BIG U
         http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0380816032/needtoknow0e
         - oh, and word on the international intelligence grapevine
         is that James Bamford's sequel to THE PUZZLE PALACE is out
         in April, snappily titled "Body of Secrets: Anatomy of the
         Ultra- Secret National Security Agency: From the Cold War
         Through the Dawn of a New Century" which, Star Trek-style,
         would surely benefit from a flash on the cover saying "NOT
         Officially Endorsed By The Ultra-Secret NSA!"... stuff we
         *have* read includes: BRUCE STERLING's greatest Spice-Girls
         -meet-nettime-meets-a-bunch-of-Turks-in-a-dark-alley
         novel yet, ZEITGEIST (hardcover, UKP17.08), a futuristic glimpse
         at the really big issues of 1997. Damn that publishing lagtime!...
         GLYN MOODY revives an old Wired UK article - which became
         http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/5.08/linux.html - for the
         core of Penguin's REBEL CODE: LINUX AND THE OPEN SOURCE
         REVOLUTION (RRP12.99) - starts well, with loads of Linus/
         Sinclair QL/ Prince Of Persia scene-setting, though the
         second half just regurgitates open-source press releases...
         and, finally, a reader known only as "H0L" brought us bang
         up to date, while maintaining the Victorian connection, by
         planning to buy an ebook solely "to read all the great old
         literature they have on http://www.blackmask.com ". Titles
         include Sir Samuel Baker's THE RIFLE AND THE HOUND IN CEYLON
         http://www.blackmask.com/books18c/rifledex.htm , an upbeat
         travelogue containing invaluable big-game tourism advice
         like "From the peculiar formation of the head, it is almost
         impossible to kill a bull elephant by the forehead shot".
         It's the stuff Rough Guides just don't tell you...


                               >> SMALL PRINT <<

       Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
         happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
       on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
     nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
                       Registered at the Post Office as
     "your power is no match against our patented P2P screengrab technology"
                  http://www.ntk.net/2001/02/16/dohdave.jpg

                                 NEED TO KNOW
            THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK.
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