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Tips, news & gossip to tips@spesh.com - with NTK in subject line, cheers.

                               >> HARD NEWS <<
                                 patent shoos

          Should be a fun time at the DTI conference centre this
          Tuesday: the Patent Office has been inviting sceptics and
          their MPs for an open discussion of software patent policy.
          Anyone who has emailed their MP would be invited, Lord
          Salisbury told his invitees. Which is odd, because Alan Cox
          didn't get an invite, and neither did any of the FFII's most
          dedicated correspondents. And of course the press will
          *definitely* not be invited, although they do get the thrill
          of an official (DTI-only) "summary" in the afternoon. Never
          mind: just to see how open discussions go, the FFII is
          holding a briefing of its own. Just after the official
          "discussion". In the local pub. Ah, there's a group who
          knows what journalists like.
          http://www.ffii.org.uk/
      - all free software campaigns end up feeling like CAMRA in the end

          So, this Christmas, what *do* you get the friend who has
          everything? Probably something they no longer want from
          their spottily-updated Amazon wishlist, same as last year.
          Alternatively, how about IBM's latest blockbuster product,
          NICL? A product of IBM's internal skunkworks, NICL - or
          "Network Identity Configurator for Linux" - can save you
          "multiple-man months in system configuration", instantly.
          Send your "friend" a link to the FAQ, or the detailed tech
          evaluation forms for more info. Hopefully that should delay
          them realising that it's just a shell script for changing
          your hostname. But so beautifully, *beautifully* wrapped!
          http://www.alphaworks.ibm.com/tech/nicl
                 - warning: license evaluation takes "at least 4-6 weeks"

          Or, for more sensitive minds, how about Hector, the
          Protector Dolphin? Hector, says NETSAFE NEW ZEALAND, is a
          "friendly, smart dolphin" which swims in the corner of the
          computer screen. "If a child encounters something
          frightening or upsetting", Netsafe writes, they can just
          click on Hector, who will "swim down and cover the screen
          until an adult comes to help". Hector is sponsored by
          Microsoft New Zealand who, we suspect, have finally found a
          use for the annoying Clippy technology. Together, we'll beat
          goatse.cx!
http://www.netsafe.org.nz/hector_protector/hector_protector_default.aspx
- Skrrrkt! What's that Hector? Thai women want to do what, how?  Skrrkkrrrt!


                               >> EVENT QUEUE <<
                         GOTOs considered non-harmful

          In the organisers' own words, "Burning Man is an annual art 
          festival and temporary community based on radical self 
          expression and self-reliance", all taking place miles from 
          civilisation way out in the Black Rock Desert of Nevada. And 
          where better to replicate that "tabula rasa" sense of 
          inspirational desolation here in the UK, than the 491 Gallery 
          over in Leytonstone, East London, a harrowing 14-minute 
          Underground ride from Liverpool Street? Well, that's the plan 
          behind the 24-hour LONDON BURNING MAN DECOMPRESSION 2004 (8pm-
          8pm, this Sat/Sun 2004-12-11, 491 Grove Green Road, London 
          E11 4AA, UKP10 in advance - "no tickets on the door", "dress: 
          playa [desert] attire") - which appears to be raising money 
          for a "real" Euro Burning Man, possibly to be held somewhere 
          as far-flung and exotic as Chigwell, or East Ham?
          http://www.euroburners.org/decompression/
           - even in the absence of contemporary social mores etc etc...
          http://www.funjunkie.co.uk/webloggers_party/index.cfm
           - London blogger party (also on Sat) must still be maintained
          http://www.guardian.co.uk/life/badscience/
                        - Guardian Bad Science awards this coming Monday
          http://www.lektrolab.com/pages/workshopdates.html
                   - London "Plunderphonics" workshop in London next Sat 
          http://www.thehorsehospital.com/archives/000307.html
          - and (we hear) more Nintendo "console hacking" here on Sun 19


                                >> ANTI-MEMES <<
               there's smoke, flames, http://dohthehumanity.com/

          we were a bit sceptical about this, till we worked out that 
          most tinsel probably is between the 3cm (quarter-wavelength) 
          and 6cm (half-wavelength) "radar chaff effectiveness" range: 
          http://www.davephelan.org/~dphelan/archives/000494.html (vs 
          http://www.uk-bug.net/Article596.html - BT: "Christmas is 
          cancelled")... bet The Reg could get 300 words out of this: 
          http://xcom2002.com/doh/images/0412101443TheSun1stDec04.jpg 
          ... which just leaves this year's final roundup of all your 
          old favourites - another "Babelfish as she is spoke" site: 
          http://www.locandavivaldi.it/ ... double-URLtendres of the 
          week: http://www.weeebrokers.com/ vs http://www.plopsaland.be/ 
          ... slightly mythologically-themed Google misspellings: 
          http://www.google.com/search?q=%22moth+watering%22 , 
          http://www.google.com/search?q=%22oasis+of+clam%22 , 
          http://www.google.com/search?q=%22achilles+heal%22 , 
          http://www.google.com/search?q=%22statue+of+limitations%22 
          (also "dictionaty", "wesbite")... plus - inappropriate image 
          whack: http://images.google.com/images?q=klingon+devil+penis


                                >> TRACKING <<
               sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering

          Perhaps it's a little early for PRIVACY KNOPPIX. Version 000
          is certainly *very* rough around the edges. But the quicker
          the world has a Tor-onion routed, privoxy-wielding,
          webcaching live CD that the Usually Suspected can carry
          around with them, the better, no? So pour encourager les
          autres, you might want to download and take a look at the
          "mini" DVD-R dev kit or the CD-R carry-around-in-your-pocket- 
          just-in-case 400MB ISO. Type "web start" in a terminal to start 
          the anonymised system. Works better on connections that you can 
          delude yourself into thinking "work this slow all the time".
          http://www.peertech.org/privacy-knoppix/
                        - knock twice and tell them "nym124378" sent you
          http://tor.freehaven.net/
                                                  - Tor! The new Freenet!
          http://archives.seul.org/or/talk/Dec-2004/msg00016.html
                                               - we all go down together!


                                >> GEEK MEDIA <<
                                  get out less

          TV>> Christmas comes early to C4 with the dream casting of Sam 
          "Jurassic Park" Neill, "Puddy" from Seinfeld, and Neighbours' 
          "Danni Stark (1993-1996)" and "David Bishop (2003-present)" in 
          from-the-makers-of-genius-current-affairs-spoof-"Frontline" 
          1960s radioastronomy comedy THE DISH (4.10pm, Sat, C4)... then 
          it's Faith from "Buffy The Vampire Slayer", Kirsten "Spider-
          Man" Dunst, Gabrielle "Bad Boys II" Union and, er, that kid 
          out of "Hackers" in top-notch cheerleader romp BRING IT ON 
          (9pm, Sun, C4)... though WHAT WE STILL DON'T KNOW (8pm, Sun, 
          C4) apparently includes "How to make abstract science 
          programmes visually interesting" - next week, "Could we be 
          nothing more than a complex code running on a super-computer 
          in a parallel universe?", muses The Radio Times... Richard 
          "Slacker" Linklater is the subject of Jacques Peretti's - all-
          new timeslot? - THE ART SHOW (8pm, Mon, C4)... reader Matthew 
          "greatest threat to world peace since Adolf Hitler" Bevan 
          claims he's in more of "the other two" episodes of THE HEIST 
          (9pm, Tue, C4), but "[doesn't] have [his] NTK shirt any more" 
          ... and, experts agree, po-faced Vin Diesel racer THE FAST AND 
          THE FURIOUS (9pm, Wed, ITV) simply "would not work" if set in 
          the UK: http://www.sxoc.com/vbb/showthread.php?threadid=16216 
          (unless you made it about the overclocking/casemodding scene?) 
          ... there's the tantalising prospect of more character actors 
          hamming up their "dramatised recollections" in IF - CLONING 
          COULD CURE US (9pm, Thu, BBC2)... a slightly different take on 
          naturalistic behaviour in the last in this series of the 
          magnificently monstrous PEEP SHOW (10pm, next Fri, C4)... as 
          "the truth about hip-hop" is promised, along with a wide range 
          of insights on topical issues, in the company of the ever-
          entertaining GOLDIE LOOKIN' CHAIN (12.20am, next Fri, C4)...
          
          FILM>> you wait all year for a whimsical semi-autobiographical 
          indie about growing up in the boondocks, then two come along 
          at once - with that bloke out of "Scrubs" getting a wider 
          release for his "are you off your meds?" odyssey GARDEN STATE 
        ( http://www.cndb.com/movie.html?title=Garden+State+%282004%29 : 
          I didn't see even a hint of nudity. A group of people jump 
          into the pool in their underwear, Natalie [Portman] among 
          them. Her top is, I think, maroon, and doesn't even show the 
          outlines of her nipples) - than even MTV Films has drummed up 
          for semi-lame nerdy recognition-comedy NAPOLEON DYNAMITE 
          ( http://www.capalert.com/capreports/napoleondynamite.htm : 
          attention to crotch; five uses of the euphemism for the most 
          foul of the foul words; use of the name of eternal fire as an 
          expletive in a background song)... Wesley Snipes struggles to 
          re-animate his ongoing comic-book franchise in BLADE - TRINITY 
          (imbd: sequel/ vampire/ dark-hero/ gore/ double-edged-sword) 
          ... and the trailer certainly makes it look like the route 
          spends a lot of time in the "Uncanny Valley" when you get on 
          board dead-eyed Tom Hanks motion-capture CGI THE POLAR EXPRESS 
          ( http://www.capalert.com/capreports/polarexpress-the.htm : 
          mischievous deeds were noted; I will not discuss whether Santa 
          Claus is real. The original Santa Claus, first St. Nicholas 
          then Kris Kringle were real people doing real philanthropic 
          deeds; a magnificent Christmas time achievement but Christ was 
          not mentioned. Not even in vain)... 
          
          THE "VICTORIAN AFFECTATION">> you know, it just wouldn't be 
          "Festivus" http://www.msgr.ca/msgr-2/festivus%2000.htm without 
          the traditional display of "Feats of Strength", which NTK 
          readers have been primarily displaying this year by writing 
          O'REILLY HACKS GUIDES. SIMON CARLESS is first out of the box 
          with his GAMING HACKS http://www.mono211.com/ffwd/bio.html , 
          (retail UKP17.50, Amazon UK12.25) which he describes as "all 
          about messing with your gaming system" (whichever it may be) 
          from "Dreamcast VMU hacking, through making text adventures, 
          to 'speed running' in Doom and Metroid", with contributions 
          from Penny Arcade, Machinima gurus Strange Company, and scifi-
          author turned Half-Life scripter Marc Laidlaw... "You know 
          those optical illusions you get in email, and bits of trivia 
          like the one about being about to read jmbuled-up wrods?", 
          asks MTAT WBEB, co-author of pop-psych round-up MNID HCAKS 
          (also UKP17.50, Amazon UK12.25) http://mindhacks.com/ . "We 
          start with those and then go into why they work, pulling out 
          some aspect about how our brains perform those everyday tasks 
          like, well, seeing, or compensating for missing data, or 
          catching an emotion off someone". Sounds like a blast, though 
          there's just a hint of Cartesian dualism in not calling it 
          "Brain Hacks", surely?... and finally, on a slightly more 
          confrontational note, former TVGoHome contributor (and current 
          barman?) LOG NONYMOUS requested a "tiny little superwee 
          mention" for LAW OF THE PLAYGROUND: A PUERILE AND DISTURBING 
          DICTIONARY OF PLAYGROUND INSULTS (AND HACKS) (retail UKP6.99, 
          Amazon UK5.59) http://www.playgroundlaw.com/ . "As it was a 
          mention in your newsletter that sparked the initial interest 
          all them yars agoo, I THINK YOU OWE ME THAT MUCH", he claims, 
          exhibiting all the twisted logic of many of the book's (often 
          brutally) nostalgic entries. And until next time's "Airing Of 
          The Grievances", a Merry Festivus to you, one and all!...
          

                               >> SMALL PRINT <<

       Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
         happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
       on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
     nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
                       Registered at the Post Office as
                "not as uncannily accurate as we were 10 years ago"
             http://www.guardian.co.uk/g2/story/0,3604,1364135,00.html

                                 NEED TO KNOW
            THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK.
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