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        "Copperfield said he is not tempted to play the lottery
         himself because he would not be able to 'see' the numbers.
         'I used to try it out by giving friends the numbers, but
         then it would never work,' he said. 'If the numbers aren't
         kept secret, it doesn't work.'"
             http://www.thescotsman.co.uk/text_only.cfm?id=116404
   ...magicians subject to "observer effect" just like everyone else


                                >> HARD NEWS <<
                            flight of the mongooos

         Worried that you don't understand technology enough to see
         what your kids are doing online? Why not solve the problem
         with *more* technology? THE SUNDAY TIMES asked its readers
         to participate in a "unique study" last week - by installing
         a keyboard logger, perusing the logs of their kid's Net
         activities, then filling in a simple questionnaire. "It is
         however important to obtain a true sample of internet
         activity, and not to alert the child to the software and so
         defeat the object of the exercise", the paper advised. Yes,
         this blanket surveillance is for *science*. Well, someone
         should point out that, without consent, WORDWATCHER's
         research breaches the Marketing Research Council's code of
         practice (because let's face it, this *is* just user testing
         for Demetron), standard scientific research ethics, and,
         hey, could be criminally illegal under the RIP Act. Also,
         it's a *FREAKING VISUAL BASIC KEYLOGGER* they're flogging.
         It records *everything* - passwords, credit card details -
         in an easily readable file. In any other context, the press
         would be railing against this as a Evil Hacker's Tool. The
         ST warns that Wordwatcher may cause "friction": they don't
         know the half of it. It could be used to spy on spouses or
         workmates, or installed at cybercafes to harvest passwords.
         It's also *fantastically* badly written: it stores the
         spyer's main password in plaintext, and despite some
         reassuring-looking bleating, can be examined or turned off
         with a minimum of hassle, as one precocious brat has already
         pointed out. Go wild, kids. And when your mum or dad asks
         what happened, sit them down and tell them these important
         lessons: no security in obscurity, and never, *ever*
         download from strangers. Especially the Visual Basic-using ones.
http://www.sunday-times.co.uk/news/pages/sti/2001/10/14/stidordor03002.html
               - "My name is - my name is - my name is - Slim Shady!"
         http://www.geocities.com/cypherpunk5/
                                      - once again, attacking our own
http://www.marketresearch.org.uk/documents/children%20and%20young%20people.rtf
           - "Guideline for Research among Children and Young People"
         http://www.mrc.ac.uk/ethics_b.html
           - in our day, kids were considered "fixtures and fittings"

         It's JAM ECHELON Day on Sunday, although encouraging a glut
         of e-mails including keywords like "terrorism",
         "biowarfare", "middle east", and "war" does seem a *bit*
         superfluous right now. To lighten the load, we'll keep our
         traditional hand-wringing over Blunkett's new anti-t-rr-r-sm
         provisions to a minimum. Basically, he's "enabling" ISP's
         (and behind the scenes, hinting that it may become
         compulsory) to keep logs of website addresses, mail headers,
         and newsgroup articles read by subscribers, contra the Data
         Protection Act's provisions and the Registrar's
         protestations. We'll see where this one leads: old
         NTK-a-quote Caspar "Kafka" Bowden points out that this is
         pretty much what the National Criminal Intelligence Service
         was haggling for last year, so expect it to seamlessly
         become permanent at some point. Fnord.
         http://cipherwar.com/echelon/
             - oh, apparently we just have to say "echelon" this year
         http://stats.bltc.net/www.schnews.org.uk/site_200108.html
                     - nice to see SCHNEWS doing GCHQ's work for them
         http://makeashorterlink.com/?T2AE1251
           - it's the home office's site that's defeated us this week

         Hardware manufacturers never know quite which way to jump over
         copy protection, but rarely do you see this dilemma literally
         played out on their corporate websites. As well as offering
         secure networks which "eliminate the potential for losing
         millions of dollars due to downtime or e-piracy", NOKIA were,
         until recently, playing up the e-piracy potential of their
         Nokia 5510 integrated FM radio MP3 ripper - illustrated by a
         cartoon called "Mongo" who records his favourite songs off the
         radio and his friends' CDs. And then downloads them to his PC,
         his friends' 5510s, and so on. The page was removed this week
         but, at time of writing, the original .gif is still there.
         Still, if "Mongo" means the same sort of thing in Scandinavia,
         maybe they could claim it's actually an *anti*-piracy campaign
         - "Trading MP3s? That's for the mentally handicapped, dude!"
         http://www.nokia.com/phones/5510/pics/mongo_strip600.gif
        - or, just in case: http://www.ntk.net/2001/10/19/dohmong.png
         http://www.log.dial.pipex.com/playground/html/m.htm
                               - search for "merciless". You spazzos.


                                >> ANTI-NEWS <<
                             berating the obvious

         Ken Livingstone can't shut him up, neither can Saudi "local
         officials": http://www.ntk.net/2001/10/19/dohblair.png
         (final para)... "Widdecombe" of the week - you *can* do it
         when you: http://www.geocities.com/sohobonobo/bq/bq.html ...
         DABS http://www.dabs.com/news/news-article.asp?article=1403
         proudly sponsoring "suicidal" private manned rocket plans:
     http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/sci/tech/newsid_1407000/1407210.stm
          ... BBC pics of week: "Electric yellow jellyfish tentacles
         attack IBM PC-XT through hamster cage set in Tron universe":
     http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/sci/tech/newsid_1606000/1606862.stm
         - and "Ensure monitor is *off* before cyber-attacking it":
     http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/sci/tech/newsid_1601000/1601823.stm
         ... http://allinson.hiway.co.uk/join/ ponders "Do you have
         access to the internet?"... vs "I'd like to report a power
         out-": http://www.fpl.com/report/contents/power_outage.shtml
         ... eek-ee-eek-EEK! http://www.batdetective.com/gallery.html
         ... worst simulated wink since that Tux the Penguin one:
         http://www.daimlerchrysler.de/company/campaign/mot1/ad1_e.htm
         (requires Flash, sorry)... FALCO 451.com and, spectacularly,
         BACKSPACE: http://www.ntk.net/2001/10/19/dohbckspc.jpg ...
         competitor FUD?: http://www.penny-arcade.com/xboxfiles.php3
         ... and with "success fees" like these, who needs failures?:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/aponline/20011014/aponline141728_000.htm


                               >> EVENT QUEUE <<
                         goto's considered non-harmful

         You know how it is - you spend years promoting your non-
         violent brand of direct action anti-capitalism, then a small
         minority goes and steals all the limelight by crashing a
         couple of planes into a building. Undeterred, the UK's annual
         ANARCHIST BOOKFAIR seem determined to reclaim their previous
         anti-globalisation market share with a fancy new venue (Camden
         Centre, Euston Rd, London WC1, from 10am, Sat 2001-10-20,
         free), plus an (admittedly appropriated) corporate slogan -
         "Just do it", and celebrity guests including representatives
         from IndyMedia, the Discordians, and Alice Nutter out of
         Chumbawumba. That said, the "Delroy Lindo" who'll be speaking
         about his harassment by Haringey police appears to be an
         entirely different one to the movie star best known for
         playing law enforcement officers in films like "Ransom" and
         "Gone In 60 Seconds", though the "Adam Porter" who now runs
         YEAR ZERO magazine *does* appear to be the same guy who used
         to edit the famously radical website for "Loaded" online.
         http://www.yearzero.org/
          - sex tips of Britain's filthiest road protesters - INSIDE!
         http://www.anarchistbookfair.org/
             - it's not a creche, it's a "Self empowered youth space"
         http://www.commonground.org.uk/Apple_Day.html
        - then on Sun, Apple Day. *Fuck* the Interactive BAFTAs, man!


                                >> TRACKING <<
               sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering

         For anyone who wouldn't fall over so much if they got twenty
         goes at each tottering step, the original BRIDGE BUILDER was
         great. You got a closed 2D surface, with a riverbank on each
         side. You clicked up a bridge out of girders, watch it fall
         under its own weight, then fiddled and fiddled until it
         stood the stress test of a train crossing. It felt very
         intellectual, and now it's peerrrty too: PONTIFEX, the 3D
         sequel is here. Of course, the openGLy stuff is all just
         "SuperTetrisDeluxe" window-dressing - underneath it's still
         the same old, plain old, in-one-plane Bridge Builder. The
         main differences are two new materials (including long-
         dreamt-of steel cable), and - acting as a massive
         disincentive to build stable creations - a flotilla of
         3D-illustrated splashes, creaks, and twangs when it all goes
         wrong. Oh and you can watch it go SPANG from the comfort of
         the train too. And you get more money in your budget.
         Talking of which: Twenty New World Order Dollars buys you
         the registered version: funkier bridges (with high-rise
         decks), a kilobrunel of bad-ass creeks to cross, keeps
         the designers from having to eat each other to survive, etc.
         http://www.chroniclogic.com/
- all other reviews will say "fits on a floppy" as though it is a bad thing


                                >> MEMEPOOL <<
                that warm bit under the http://www.gagpipe.com/

      "Pikachu, use your paddling pool defence!" "Anthrax, I choose - you!":
http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/world/americas/newsid_1597000/1597496.stm
         ... 17" monitor believed "average": http://www.anawesomedick.com/
         ... "wank" means something different in the US, apparently:
         http://www.keenspot.com/KeenBoard/Forum60/HTML/000021.html ...
         WTC attacks were plea for indie filmmaking, says OLIVER STONE:
    http://abc.go.com/entertainment/news/2001/10/oliverstoneflak101501.html
         - while life, pro-am golf game must go on for MICHAEL DOUGLAS:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/entertainment/film/newsid_1604000/1604151.stm
         ... so *when* did they start advertising these positions?:
         http://www.fbijobs.com/FBIJobDesc.asp?r=54818796&JC=001402 ...
         DARWIN AWARDS 2002, brought to you in conjunction with EBAY:
http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/aw-cgi/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=596035762
         ... Mac users harboured by sympathetic regime in TURKMENISTAN:
         http://www.leb.net/hzo/ioscount/data/top.domains.9904.mac.txt
         - vs greater MS localisation: http://trollied.org/geordie.gif
         ... you know, pics instead of ALT tags would only spoil it:
         http://www.attackofthegiantpastyman.com ... GRNNY S THT U?:
    http://www.cotse.net/users/spirit/press/spirit-world-in-crisis.jpg
         ... Brit humour site declines to imitate ONION shocker:
         http://www.framleyexaminer.com/ ... low-tech ingenuity wins
         again: http://shingoz.20megsfree.com/images/radiation.jpg ...
         look, hurry up and fill in the other squares will you, then we
         can all go home: http://totl.net/Memes/memes.php ...


                                >> GEEK MEDIA <<
                                  get out less

         TV>> there's an hour-long "highlights special" of TOP OF THE
         POPS GOES LARGE (7pm, Fri, BBC1), though how they'll stretch
         it out to that duration is anyone's guess... wonder if there's
         a Northern-Ireland-style "Don't mention the war" edict on the
         new series of HAVE I GOT NEWS FOR YOU (9pm, Fri, BBC1)... and
         C4 celebrates the wide range of dramatic TV roles available to
         women in TOP TEN TV: BITCHES (9pm, Sat, C4)... not much worth
         watching over the weekend: unnecessary Nic Cage wig-out "Wings
         Of Desire" remake CITY OF ANGELS (9pm, Sun, C5), or tiresome
         Tarantino ensemble yawn JACKIE BROWN (10pm, Sun, C4)... though
         Bucks Fizz's bitterness is superbly lampooned in ROCK PROFILE
         (11pm, Sun, BBC2)... presumably it's half-term or something,
         as weekday afternoons are packed with retro sci-fi - FORBIDDEN
         PLANET (1.35pm, Mon, C4) - plus kiddie fare like fat-kid nerd-
         revenger ANGUS (1.20pm, Wed, BBC2) and Disney adventure THE
         ISLAND AT THE TOP OF THE WORLD (1.10pm, Thu, BBC2)... last
         time they showed Famke Janssen Bond plodder GOLDENEYE (9pm,
         Mon, ITV), the Sunday Business newspaper ran the "Hackers
         Steal Military Satellite" plot as front-page news [NTK 1999-
         03-05]... and the largely self-explanatory HYPNOSEX (11.35pm,
         Mon, E4) plumbs new depths of pseudo-educational lifestyle
         programming... BBC2 just can't resist one last opportunity to
         mess around the scheduling of the SEINFELD finale (11.20pm,
         Tue & Wed, BBC2)... trend-spotting docu COOLHUNTERS (9.50pm,
         Wed, BBC2) is helpfully produced by one "Nathan Hartshorn"...
         MUTANT X (9pm, Wed, Sky1) is indeed the wirework-heavy
         Toronto-filmed Marvel-approved low-rent "X Men" knockoff you
         suspected... Victoria Wood introduces classic comedy clips in
         SKETCH SHOW STORY (9pm, Thu, BBC1) - mildly preferable to her
         acting in them... a "Mike Magee" is among the high-stake
         gamblers on LATE NIGHT POKER (12.40am, Thu, C4), but we don't
         think it's the mystical former Register bon-vivant... and we
         guess we'll see you all over at the radically unredesigned
         http://www.everyonehatesattachments.com/ for the downsized
         post-bust second series of ATTACHMENTS (10pm, Thu, BBC2)...

         FILM>> at last - a subtitled French film which largely
         resembles one of those "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" flashback
         scenes, in the form of formulaic kung-fu CGI historo-romp
         BROTHERHOOD OF THE WOLF (http://www.cndb.com/ : [Monica
         Bellucci's] full breasts and shapley rear are generously
         displayed; plenty of shots of the sides of [Mark Dacascos']
         strong legs and thighs. For real nudity check out Mark's
         previous collaboration with this film's director: Crying
         Freeman)... also filling out the pre-Halloween cast-of-
         unknowns horror quota comes competently uninspired monster
         hunt JEEPERS CREEPERS (imdb: brother-sister-relationship /
         church / indestructible / police-station / prophetic-dream /
         psychic-power / road-trip / small-town / title-based-on-song /
         demon / inbreeding / incest / selfishness / serial-killer)...
         otherwise Billy Crystal, Seth "Oz from Buffy" Green and the
         director of "Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise" fail
         to make up for Catherine Zeta-Jones and Julia Roberts's
         limited comedic abilities, as John Cusack wanders further down
         that dark "romantic comedy" path in AMERICA'S SWEETHEARTS
         (http://www.capalert.com/capreports/americassweethearts.htm :
         sexual vulgarities and homosexuality paraded as acceptable;
         [Zeta Jones] dressing to maximize exposure of female skin;
         bestiality; speaking of sexual adulterous affairs as if they
         are required or natural; this movie even excuses masturbation)
         ... while one sub-aqua manga movie looks much like another:
         http://www.filmthreat.com/News.asp?File=NewsOne.inc&Id=564 ,
         according to Film Threat's revelations about ATLANTIS: THE
         LOST EMPIRE (http://www.capalert.com/capreports/atlantis.htm :
         walking on water; levitation; much crystal magic; sensuality
         in dress and mannerisms; implied [cartoon] nudity; tale of a
         homosexual kiss; [cartoon] adults in underwear)...

         BONERS: CORRECTIONS, CLARIFICATIONS, AND "INCORRECTLY REGARDED
         AS GOOFS">> hardly had we mailed out NTK 2001-09-21 than
         reader HARLEY MCGREW quickfired back: "The X11 antialias hack
         was done by Keith Packard. Not Derek". Yup, apologies, don't
         know how that one slipped through. "Also, it's X Window System
         or X or X11, not 'X-Windows'", Harley adds. "Although everyone
         calls it that, and no-one cares". This time, Harley, it is you
         who are mistaken: *we* care, and will now insist on calling it
         "X" as an act of penance and contrition to Keiths and Dereks
         everywhere... "I don't really have a joke for this", began
         ADRIAN MOULDER, encouragingly, "but that US corporate anthem
         [the magnificent http://www.americastandstall.net/ from NTK
         2001-09-28] is sung by the gay guy from 'Buffy The Vampire
         Slayer': http://www.larrybagby.com/"... plus "well done" to
         everyone who thought we hadn't realised that, as ANDY WEST put
         it, "Soylent Green is people; Solent Green is the colour of a
         murky estuary near Southampton" regarding NTK 2001-09-28's
         http://www.ntk.net/2001/09/28/dohkangoo.gif . Thanks for that
         Andy - and spoil the ending for everybody, why don't you?...
         "Ah, someone else did see the TV graphics spelling out TWAT in
         big letters", sighed JOF [NTK 2001-10-12], who witnessed the
         aforementioned acrostic on the BBC's 6 O'Clock News, "although
         funnily enough nowhere on any BBC website"... and "Use fucking
         paragraphs you moron. This has gotta be the worst, most
         difficult to read writing style I've ever seen", suggested
         COLIN MCEVOY, possibly in response to NTK 2001-09-28's URL-
         packed BBC crap graphics round-up, or possibly as more general
         stylistic advice... of course, language like that serves only
         to preserve our uncompromising reputation with prudish mail
         clients like Eudora 5, as noted by "Another.com" enterpreneur
         STEVE BOWBRICK ("The last 'nice' email we got from you was
         dated 19 January": http://www.ntk.net/2001/10/19/eudora.jpg )
         and LUKE MCGUFF, who commended our frequent "three chillies"
         rating for trouncing his previous record holder "Letter from
         Susie Bright - December 2000" by "a whole third"... speaking
         of racy content, DAVID HEMMING alleged that "A quicksearch on
         amazon.co.uk for 'sabrina the teenage witch' in the video
         category returns "teenage sex orgy" as the third match", while
         failing to clarify what he was searching for in the first
         place; WILL WATTS drew our attention to a largely unexpected
         http://slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=01/09/27/0226240 comparison
         between (Vulcan?) nipples and "two stiff warp nacelles"; and,
         following detailed Tivo analysis of the new AOL TV ad, GUS
         "can confidently say that there are no nipples visible at any
         point and that in the zoom sequence in to the dress all the
         web pages shown are disturbingly wholesome". NTK regrets that
         these correspondences are all, for the love of God, closed...


                               >> SMALL PRINT <<

       Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
         happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
       on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
     nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
                       Registered at the Post Office as
                        "no, it's short for Charlton"
                    http://tv.cream.org/buchan/kulturman.htm


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