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  • NTK 2007
  • NTK 2006
  • NTK 2005
  • NTK 2004
  • NTK 2003
  • NTK 2002
  • 2001-12-28
    MiniNTK #14
    CSS Sera Sera
  • 2001-12-21
    #225
    Kieren McCarthy Christmas tits tribute special
  • 2001-12-14
    #224
    Good news is old news!
  • 2001-12-07
    #223
    Demon learns a lesson, mh for Mac, twat or anti-twat?
  • 2001-11-30
    #222
    NCS vs NNTP, XPrez vs XP
  • 2001-11-23
    #221
    Weddings, Winnings and Winer
  • 2001-11-16
    #220
    Black Ice and other signs of Autumn
  • 2001-11-09
    #219
    Left, near the Middle
  • 2001-11-02
    #218
    Here come de judgement
  • 2001-10-26
    #217
    More career-limiting moves
  • 2001-10-19
    #216
    Those pesky kids
  • 2001-10-12
    #215
    Throttles of gear, pieces of eight
  • 2001-10-05
    #214
    With laws like these, who needs new ones?
  • 2001-09-28
    #213
    Return of the straw man argument, curiously BBC obsessed otherness
  • 2001-09-21
    #212
    `hostname` security department, semi-annual LIVE slagging
  • 2001-09-14
    #211
    The "You should have seen what they *wanted* us to put" Edition
  • 2001-09-07
    #210
    Opinions legal, irrational, and prejudicial
  • 2001-08-31
    MiniNTK #14
    Back to school Burning Man bonanza
  • 2001-08-24
    #209
    porn, pr0n, and pawns
  • 2001-08-17
    #208
    Imagine there's no money left, it's easy if you try
  • 2001-08-10
    #207
    Death of everything predicted, .mpg at 11
  • 2001-08-03
    #206
    More Dmitry, dancing Ballmer, cheeky brass monkeys
  • 2001-07-27
    #205
    Squelching bugs, silencing critics, coveting your neighbour's cache
  • 2001-07-20
    #204
    Adobe Incriminator, RBL quibbles, T-Shirts Classique
  • 2001-07-13
    #203
    Casualties of Browser War, Stupid Hash Joke
  • 2001-07-06
    MiniNTK #13
    future attractions, usual distractions
  • 2001-06-29
    MiniNTK #12
    Free beer, stuff we don't want to hear
  • 2001-06-22
    MiniNTK #11
    Poptastic parody special
  • 2001-06-15
    MiniNTK #10
    Wonka Oompas, more Fruit of the Moon
  • 2001-06-08
    #202
    No, I said Doug Rushkoff *above* Constrict Anus 100 Times Malarkey
  • 2001-06-01
    #201
    Monkey minifigs, free-the-Henson workshop
  • 2001-05-25
    #200
    Especially vindictive birthday edition
  • 2001-05-18
    #199
    NDAed NMA, JK's PKI, ACC's SFAs
  • 2001-05-11
    #198
    libel sell-by, interface bye-bye, mah-lah borg-ay
  • 2001-05-04
    #197
    sleeket, cowrin, tim'rous MSFTie!
  • 2001-04-27
    #196
    MayDay, DumbCode, DotOnes
  • 2001-04-20
    #195
    Tank Police, Tanked TV
  • 2001-04-13
    MiniNTK #9
    The Short Good Friday Mini-NTK
  • 2001-04-06
    #194
    Wireless' next trick, Shockwave Scalextric
  • 2001-03-30
    #193
    Registering the troublemakers, troublemaking The Register
  • 2001-03-23
    #192
    Yay, downturn and stately Xanadu
  • 2001-03-16
    #191
    Vorderman rude, dastardly Motley sued
  • 2001-03-09
    #190
    Nickers and Breaches, Shirts and "Pants"
  • 2001-03-02
    #189
    Manx, Cranks, and Arty Wanks
  • 2001-02-23
    #188
    Keymasters of the Gateway, Manic Nostalgia Miners, Finnish Film Roundup
  • 2001-02-16
    #187
    Dirty domaining, Dodgy Demon, and Dimwit Mail
  • 2001-02-09
    #186
    Pissy Noho, Alleged Ali, and the Sputnik
  • 2001-02-02
    #185
    Never mind /dev/bollocks, here's KPMG
  • 2001-01-26
    #184
    putting the "Nervous" into DNS, Schnews, and those damn dirty apes
  • 2001-01-19
    #183
    Ivan, Lotto and Dav(r)os
  • 2001-01-12
    #182
    Fracas, Faxers, and WAPpers
  • 2001-01-05
    #181
    "First F00ting", Athame with the NSA, more bloody ASCII art
  • NTK 2000
  • NTK 1999
  • NTK 1998
  • NTK 1997
  • HARD NEWS
  • ANTI-NEWS
  • EVENT QUEUE
  • TRACKING
  • MEMEPOOL
  • GEEK MEDIA
  • SMALL PRINT
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         "The software suggests a safe flight path. But the tempting
         possibility of veering off towards the skyscrapers is obvious."
- DAILY MAIL exposes the "extremely helpful to terrorists" MS FLIGHT SIMULATOR
http://www.femail.co.uk/pages/standard/article.html?in_article_id=72138
  ... weak-willed Mail hacks new chief suspects in ongoing investigation


                                >> HARD NEWS <<
                               endless re-views

         In these terrible times, it's good to watch the tech
         community put its problems aside, and supply what we were
         all so desperately short of: plenty of wild unsolicited
         opinions. After those first few hours of awful shocked
         silence - what a relief to be interrupted by the CEO of
         CoffeeCup Software, producers of an innocuous Windows HTML
         editor, e-mailing his 1.2 million customer base to "call for
         [the responsible] country's complete destruction and
         annihilation". And at the end of that fateful day, noted
         hacker Eric S. Raymond rained his thoughts like fresh water,
         revealing that those who "disarmed all the non-terrorists on
         those airplanes ... bear some moral responsibility". Thanks
         too to BYTE's Jerry Pournelle, who slowly toughened his
         demands from an early request that /usr/bin/laden be handed
         over "bound and chained", to Thursday's demand that Nablus,
         Gaza, Baghdad *and* Damascus be razed to the ground; to the
         Evening Standard infowar expert who warned that "inflamed
         young men" could escalate the conflict by releasing "cyber
         viruses, crashing our computers ... from council houses in
         Bradford"; and kindly John Keegan in the Telegraph, who
         wrote that ISPs should ban encryption among their users, and
         those who refused must be "destroyed with cruise
         missiles". And on through the lonely nights, as net.folk on
         chat traded credulous rumours and confused geopolitics, and
         Nostradamus buffs mulled seriously over a quatrain that,
         sadly, was probably invented by a skeptic to show how *any*
         random phrase could end up a doomladen prophecy. But be
         assured that the crisis is not yet over. Please help:
         opinions are still desperately needed - and bloggers,
         columnists and sleep-deprived newsreaders are running short
         of ideas. So: do you have some minority you'd like to
         haphazardly blame? Some half-arsed genocidal theory you'd
         like to insist become global policy? Some simplistic
         demonisation of a country's recent history that needs to be
         waved in the faces of everyone you know? Mail it to our
         hotline on devnull@spesh.com, and we'll pass it on to those
         who must fill the useless silence which would otherwise be
         wasted on slow, methodical grief.
         http://www.coffeecup.com/attack/
         - "many e-mails thanking me for removing the word 'annihilation'"
http://www.adequacy.org/?op=displaystory;sid=2001/9/12/102423/271
             - Why the Bombings Mean That We Must Support My Politics
         http://www.jerrypournelle.com/war/whattodo.html
                                       - "There may be other places."
         http://www.dailytelegraph.co.uk/dt?pg=/01/9/14/do01.html
          - also, if their contention ratio goes above twenty, nuke 'em
 http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/dynamic/news/top_story.html?in_review_id=456910
                  - no hidden meaning in using Bradford as an example
http://www.google.com/search?q=cache:www.ed.brocku.ca/~nmarshal/nostradamus.htm
                                              - search for "abstract"

         Meanwhile what of America's fight against the true
         enemy within: copyright scofflaws? The newly introduced,
         Disney-sponsored SECURITY SYSTEMS STANDARDS AND
         CERTIFICATION ACT has been praised - admittedly by Disney -
         as "an exceedingly moderate and reasonable approach".
         Assuming that's not some kind of Swiftian in-joke by their
         counsel, that's better than it's been received by almost
         everybody else. The SSSCA's Tomorrowland vision is this: any
         "machine, device, product, software, or technology... that
         is designed, marketed or used for the primary purpose of,
         and that is capable of, storing, retrieving, processing,
         performing, transmitting, receiving, or copying information
         in digital form.", has to have copyright protection systems
         built in. As Ron Rivest (the "R" in RSA encryption) points
         out, this would include digital watches, bar-code scanners,
         and digital rectal thermometers. We'd always assumed that
         the companies that have done so well out of an open PC -
         like Intel and Microsoft - would put a firm kibosh on
         initiatives like this. But then we got to the bit about an
         antitrust exemption, and started comparing the requirements
         of the government-mandated protection system, and the
         "Trusted PC" design Microsoft, Intel, IBM and Compaq/HP just
         happen to have been working on for the last few years. Now,
         all they need is some sort of national security excuse to
         push this through...
         http://cryptome.org/sssca.htm
                                   - and in XYWrite too - the infamy!
         http://www.trustedpc.org/home/home.htm
                                       - trust us, we're monopolistic
         http://research.microsoft.com/crypto/openbox.asp
                                                     - "Lock it down!"
         http://uazu.net/cd/
                                     - and then they came for my MP3s

         And finally, as befits the mood, a reminder that loose lips
         sink ships: a lesson Suckster JOEY ANUFF of the increasingly
         AUTOMATIC MEDIA might heed. When somebody posted to the
         security list BUGTRAQ pointing out that anyone could read
         the private messages of PLASTIC.COM (AUTOMATIC's last
         remaining updated site, and the metafilter it's okay to
         sneer at), Joey was right on the case. There's nothing we
         can do, he said, because we have no money - "Plastic is
         currently without either an engineer ... or even access to
         our servers". Should he run it as a plastic.com story, he
         wonders - but decides against it. "My fear is that
         publicizing it without being able to fix it would just
         heighten abuse", he writes. Thus counselling secrecy, he
         then unfortunately cc:'s the reply to BugTraq itself.
         BugTraq, of course, is the most haunt of hundreds if not
         thousands of zero-day script kiddies. Is it reassuring or
         upsetting that not one of them seemed that interested in
         exploiting plastic.com? Or even in owning the box, fixing
         the problem themselves, and maybe putting up some decent
         content while they're there?
         http://groups.google.com/groups?th=793181e4c1a9e087
    - I dunno, maybe some more reposts from memepool.com or something


                                >> ANTI-NEWS <<
                             berating the obvious

         RADIO 1 emergency "banned" list includes Geri Halliwell's
         "It's Raining Men", and (one would hope) Outkast's "Bombs
         Over Baghdad"... "Take your own bite out of the Big Apple"
         says Tue's LASTMINUTE newsletter... unfortunate TITLE tag:
         http://www.wtc.org/ ... yup, those look like more "ideal
         conditions" to us: http://www.hazecam.net/newark.html ...
         the clampdown begins: http://www.usembassy.gr/error.htm ...
         well, it's all very radical until someone actually does it:
    http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A19159-2001Sep12.html
         - presumably the "5 Million Ways To Kill a CEO" track was a
         misprint for "Kiss" or something?... epic, "world-changing"
         event commemorated, as is now traditional, with spoof auction
         on EBAY: http://www.ntk.net/2001/09/14/dohebay.gif ... NEW
         ZEALAND stunned: http://www.ntk.net/2001/09/14/dohnz.gif ...
         you know, it's times like this we kind of regret starting the
         whole craze for "inappropriate banner ad and/or news story
         juxtapositions": http://www.ntk.net/2001/09/14/dohwash.gif ,
         http://www.ntk.net/2001/09/14/dohsky.jpg ... meanwhile, in
         other news - if she comes near Basildon again, she's DEAD:
         http://www.basildon.net/ ...


                               >> EVENT QUEUE <<
                         goto's considered non-harmful

         Stuck in the US with a few days to kill before they introduce
         martial law? Then why not pop along to the biggest weekend of
         the year for retro arcade fans, CALIFORNIA EXTREME, which is
         still going ahead from 11.30am tomorrow (2001-09-15) at the
         San Jose Convention Center ($15/25 per day, $35 whole weekend,
         free if you bring your own coin-ops). As well as the usual
         "Defender" tournament and rooms full of pinball, they're
         promising a demo of the famed MAME laser projector, which
         enables you to play Atari classics on the side of your house
         (as God intended) - and, by increasing the laser wattage, will
         presumably form the basis of the planned US National Missile
         Defense shield.
         http://www.caextreme.com/2001-show/2001show.htm
         - OK, so "Missile Command" wasn't a vector game. Fair point.
         http://www.cthulhusex.com/info/party.html
         - fun event for your spouse while you're setting up on Fri
http://www.xenoclast.org/free-sklyarov-uk-announce/2001-August/000003.html
         - FIPR still looking for tech-skilled volunteers. Send CVs!


                                >> TRACKING <<
               sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering

         Elwood Downey's XEPHEM is a heavily-featured planetarium
         program for UNIX designed, writes our correspondent, to
         "save you countless hours searching the skies for something
         interesting, letting you more effectively use that time
         cursing the alignment of your secondary reflecting mirror".
         But (ZDNet stock review phrase incoming) it is in its tight
         integration with the amazing "Inter-Net" that this program
         truly shines. Xephem happily plunders dozens of astronomical
         online databases for its info: you can grab tailored
         photographic images for the night sky and map them onto your
         current area of obsession, or meddle with the scripts to
         pull in more specialised db's, like Asteroid collections or
         the Tycho star catalogue. You can download the latest
         positions of near-sky low-orbit objects  - including the
         ISS, Hubble, Shuttle flights, and, it says on this dialogue
         box, MIR (although in that case "near-sky" and "low-orbit"
         must be somewhat euphemistic). Intriguing planets can be
         examined using archive images distorted to fit the current
         view of that object, so you can correlate what you see with
         what God hath wrought. It lets you point the skymap at the
         part of the sky your SETI@Home client is currently scanning.
         You can even (presumably by swivelling your telescope around
         180 degrees) see views of the Earth, with the projected
         position of celestial objects mapped onto the surface, or
         with the latest global weather images. It's free to download
         (although expect some heavy Imake and Motif
         library-wrangling), or $70 for a CD with a bunch of
         databases thrown in. In short: it makes you feel like a
         proper astronomer, without the obligation to buy a woolly
         jumper and hip-flask.
         http://www.clearskyinstitute.com/xephem/
                                                - "scientific-grade"!
         http://loke.as.arizona.edu/%7Eckulesa/xephem/
   - RPMs : there are also fools slaving on MacOS X and OS/2 versions


                                >> MEMEPOOL <<
                              hasta la altavista

         "BIN LADEN agrees to come to New York - if 'fair trial' can be
         guaranteed": http://www.chaser.com.au/default.asp ... life
         imitates THE LONE GUNMEN: http://msnbc.com/news/628116.asp
         ... god-fearin' Philadelphians imitate ASIMOV nuke story:
http://dailynews.philly.com/content/daily_news/2001/09/13/local/DEVI13C.htm
       vs http://homepage.mac.com/jenkins/Asimov/Stories/Story109.html
         ... http://www.landoverbaptist.org/ redirect their spoof
         http://www.whitehouse.org/ site to real thing, just in case...
         "100 titles AMAZON.com customers couldn't live without":
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/subst/lists/best/amazon-bestsellers.html
         vs current UK no 4: Posh Spice's guide to "Learning to Fly":
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/subst/lists/best/amazon-bestsellers.html
         ... MS denies Flight Simulator is actually *that* realistic:
         http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_397549.html - Pro version
         is merely "a PC-based flight training and proficiency aid":
         http://www.microsoft.com/games/fs2000/features.asp ... digging
         out the *really* bad news: http://www.rotten.com/news/ ...
         while, in other stories: http://www.bnp.org.uk/tories.html
         imitates http://www.thebrainstrust.co.uk/article.16.1993.html
         ... High Priest of the Church of Satan reveals he likes
         voluptuous women, the original "Planet Of The Apes", "Willy
         Wonka And The Chocolate Factory", and has no "favourite Beatle":
         http://www.satanosphere.com/story/2001/9/7/121041/3661 ...


                                >> GEEK MEDIA <<
                                 get out less

         TV>> http://www.radiotimes.beeb.com/content/schedule_updates/
         makes interesting reading nowadays, with "not the scheduled
         episodes" of NY-set sitcoms like WILL AND GRACE (9.30pm, Fri,
         C4) and the complete disappearance this week of SEINFELD
         (BBC2), SEX AND THE CITY (E4), and THE LATE SHOW WITH DAVID
         LETTERMAN (ITV2)... we wouldn't hold out much hope for
         Sylvester Stallone's messianic buried-alive Hudson Tunnel
         thriller DAYLIGHT (9.15pm, Sat, ITV)... while the "20 seconds
         to comply" scene might similarly endanger the excellent
         ROBOCOP (10.15pm, Sat, C5) and superior Jennifer Connelly "The
         Matrix" inspiration DARK CITY (12.20am, Sat, C5), in which a
         load of buildings fall over... both were part of C5's "Sci
         Five" weekend, which reverts to less controversial fare on
         Sun, with PROJECT ALF (5.20pm, Sun, C5), first-contact
         mockumentary WHAT IF ET? (8pm, Sun, C5) and a Mark "The Crow"
         Dacascos straight-to-videoer, DNA (9pm, Sun, C5), that doesn't
         even have Carrie-Anne Moss in it!... but by then BBC2 have got
         the useless - and Times Square-featuring? - STRANGE DAYS
         (10.10pm, Sat, BBC2) out of the way in time for STAR TREK
         NIGHT (7.30pm, Sun, BBC2), which sees two huge whales being
         transported forward in time from the 20th century - but that's
         enough about Kirk and Scotty's weight problems in STAR TREK
         IV: THE VOYAGE HOME (10.40pm, Sun, BBC2)... C4 pursues its
         paedophile-pleasing reputation with two different movie
         versions of LOLITA (1.25am, Sat, C4; 10pm, Sun, C4) - the
         Kubrick one at 1.25 in the morning... "TOTP 2" meets the Fast
         Show's "Jazz Club" sketch in THE OLD GREY WHISTLE TEST AT 30
         (11.20pm, Mon, BBC2) ... Michael Crichton directs archetypical
         medical thriller COMA (9pm, Thu, C5) - thankfully not based on
         one of his terrible novels... assuming they even show it, C5
         presumably thought the interminable extended TERMINATOR 2:
         JUDGMENT DAY (9pm, Tue, C5) shouldn't go with the rest of
         their Sci-Fi weekend - because, hey, it's already almost
         "science fact"... speaking of which, HORIZON (9pm, Thu, BBC2)
         dodges dumbing-down accusations with a new series featuring
         notably unhackneyed topics such as "The Missing Link", "The
         Real Atlantis", "Great Big Exploding Supernovas", "Cloning:
         The Terrifying Truth" and, this week, the ground-breaking
         "Mystery Of The Persian Mummy"...

         FILM>> even before all this, we weren't really expecting a
         nationwide release for Beat Takeshi crazy Japanese schoolkids-
         killing-each-other actioner BATTLE ROYALE (imdb: adolescent /
         body-count / castration / crossbow / decapitation / desolate-
         island / despair / fascism / game / knife-through-the-neck /
         knife / maniac / murder / perky-announcer / revenge / school-
         uniform / scythe / teenager / unemployment / young-love)...
         also commemorating "back to school" week is Rob "Daylight"
         Cohen's "Point Break" tearaway car-chase remake THE FAST AND
         THE FURIOUS (http://www.cndb.com/ : Just to repeat that I also
         saw no [Jordana Brewster] left nipple flash as earlier
         reported. No nudity in this film! [...] I have no doubt her
         nudity in "Invisible Circus" is better). Also features the
         lead doing a "woah, dude" Keanu Reeves impersonation and a
         terrible wannabe-big-beat BT soundtrack... otherwise there's
         homegrown comedy incompetence THE MARTINS (imdb: Lee Evans,
         Ray Winstone, Kathy Burke, the writer of "The Ghostbusters of
         East Finchley" - together at last!)... or Michael Caine beat-
         em-up "Die Hard 2: Die Harder"-style unofficial "Shine" sequel
         SHINER (http://www.bbfc.co.uk/ : contains coarse language and
         strong bloody violence) - a film which has 2 separate entries
         in the BBFC database, one 4 minutes shorter than the other...

         "WHAT THE?" FEEBDACK>> a mixture of shock, bewilderment and
         rage has come across in a lot of your recent mails to us - so
         no change there: alluding to NTK 2001-08-03's advocacy of Vim
         6, GRIFF PHILLIPS thanked us for the upgrade suggestion "which
         passed the time splendidly on Monday morning" and confessed
         "for once there was something in your 'Tracking' section that
         I understood, which made me feel good about myself". We've
         always suspected that NTK is primarily read by people who
         enjoy operating at the very limits of their comprehension - a
         sentiment we can heartily empathise with, considering some of
         the stuff you send in... apparently confusing "Need To Know"
         with some sort of general "Notes and Queries"-style historical
         research facility, SHAUN MONTGOMERY asked "Does anyone know
         who lived at 160 Fleet Street, London in 1872 and who or what
         occupies those premises today?", and seemed genuinely pleased
         with our reply that it was inhabited by the woollen-drapers
         Scaife & Willis in 1794, as could easily be established by any
         idiot with a search engine... reader JOHN KING thought we'd be
         somehow reassured to know that he "always types in 'horse's
         arse' whenever someone trumpets a new image search engine:
         http://images.google.com/images?q=horse%27s+arse - Google wins
         again!"... while MARC INGRAM intriguingly confused our
         tips@spesh.com email address with the "Top Tips" page in Viz,
         handily suggesting "If when walking down the street you are
         embarrassed by tripping over a large curb stone, then take a
         few moments to compose yourself before doing it again to show
         that is wasn't an accident"... A CHEFFIE, to his credit,
         helped articulate some of our own bafflement at the screenplay
         section of http://www.anti-gay.com/scene16.htm [NTK 2001-08-
         10], a page which the site illuminatingly describes as "Here's
         a scene that disproves the notion that nothing is wrong with
         homosexuality"... "What is 'slag off'?", asked ED SENGSTACKEN,
         explaining, "It isn't in the California lexicon yet". Well Ed,
         take a wild guess from the context: NTK 2001-03-30... while "I
         was just wondering who 'they' were in the small print bit - ie
         'They stole our revolution'" inquired MAX O'SHEA, entirely
         reasonably, from a Hotmail account. No further questions, your
         honour... finally, apologies to everyone whose spam (or
         "sensitive content") filters were triggered by the proximity
         of "porn", "hardcore" and "AOL" in NTK 2001-08-31 ("'Porn'
         found! Mail has not been delivered! Mail has been archived!"
         barked one particularly eager implementation of Chinese Wall),
         but our favourite non-deliverable of the year so far remains
         TOM AUSTIN of New Zealand, who tried to subscribe in the
         normal way but whose workplace politely declines every issue,
         revealing [our emphasis]: "Your attempt to contact a staff
         member via email was unsuccessful *because this person does
         not have Internet email facilities*". So, if anyone out there
         knows Tom (or runs into him), could you let him know?...


                               >> SMALL PRINT <<

       Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
         happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
       on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
     nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
                       Registered at the Post Office as
                       "I said NTK *above* puppet show"
     http://www.rathergood.com/ma/web_files/site_contents/essays/popbitch.htm


                                 NEED TO KNOW
            THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK.
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