Need To Know 2000-11-24

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"It was April 1998, you had only heard of the internet if you had a ponytail..." - DOTCOM TELEGRAPH, whose predecessor, CONNECTED, started in 1996 ( http://www.telegraph.co.uk/et?et/00/11/23/ecfnick23.html ) ...actually, didn't the ponytails turn up in Sept '99? >> HARD NEWS << kah ay-ay boos "Hacking Furby" is such a powerful Net meme that when PETER VAN DER "alt.folklore.urban" LINDEN got involved, we assumed that he was just out to expose the whole idea as virulent fiction. But here's the sting in the tale: PVDL was out to turn myth into glorious *reality*. Eleven months after posting a $250 reward to the first person to really hack the toys, van der Linden has announced a winner. To some extent, Jeffrey Gibbon's entry is a hack of the idea of "Hacking Furby", being a wholesale bypassing of the unreadable Furby chipset with a custom board. The firmware is currently somewhat incomplete (despite promises of a full real-time multitasking FurbOS). It does let you encode and play your own sweary samples though. And what else did you want? http://www.afu.com/furby/winner.html - "believed true" http://www.wirednews.com/wired/archive/6.09/furby.html?pg=10 - and just in case Tiger doesn't sue, here's more prior art http://www.geocities.com/EnchantedForest/Mountain/6692/patriotic.html - ladies and gentlemen: the perfect unquestioning cyberwarrior http://www.robonagi.com/ - vs Furby-terminators from the future... Well, can't argue with all this Lane Fox-hunting in the proper media, which we're sure is due to in-depth re-examinations of those earlier "Britain salutes its dotcomillionaire genii" gush pieces, and nothing to do with it being a slow news week. Oh no. Still, it *is* odd that for all these column inches, nobody seems to be answering the really tough questions, as put to us by regular NTK falcologist, Alex Balfour. In a quizzical update to his original IPO examination of Lastminute's chancer chances [NTK 2000-03-17], Alex asks: "Hemscott now lists LM's current shareholders as Cheetah Intl Invs Ltd 15.14% (VC fund), Global Retail Partners LP 8.28% (VC fund), Innovacomm 4.47% (VC), BAA PLC 3.60%, Intel 3.29%, Venture Partners Multimedia 3.00% (VC), L P M R Laffy 15.14%, B Hoberman 9.24%, Linda Fayne Levinson 8.28%,Martha L Fox 5.99%, P J Alzon 1.19%, T A Teichman 1.03%, Other Dirs 0.02%. This is utterly different from their shareholder structure in April 2000 (as reported by HuginOnline) - mainly, because their venture capital fund ownership looks to have increased, and their institutional shareholders (Sony, Deutsche Telekom, Orange, Mitsubishi, Sheraton) have all but disappeared. Isn't it supposed to be the other way around? Wouldn't all those VCs be desperate to flog the shop off by now? And who are those new individual investors, with bigger cuts than the founders? Can you point me to one of Last Minute-bashing analysis that covers this in a bit more detail?" Love to, Alex: we're a bit clueless when it comes to this stuff, but, hey, that's what these financial journos are paid to write about, after all. Anyone? Bueller? Anyone? http://www.huginonline.co.uk/LMCL/SERV/shareholders.html - compare http://www.hemscott.com/equities/company/share/shr03884.htm - contrast Eagle-eyed Hansard watchers may already have spotted the government's attempts to excise the RIPA Tribunal, the only appeal mechanism possible for recipients of RIP Orders, from disclosure under the Freedom of Information Act. Well, one secret's out: it actually formed in October. The technical- oversight-committee-in-exile of the Ukcrypto mailing list swiftly scanned the released list of members, and spotted the only one to publically comment on previous proposals, one Mr William Carmichael. Like many concerned citizens, William wrote in to comment the Interception of Communications Act consultation. He felt, in summary, that we were squishy-soft on monitoring UK citizens in crimes against the economic wellbeing of the country. And that surveillance tapes should be admissable as evidence - but that the defence lawyers shouldn't be allowed to question their veracity. Sigh. He was on the old IOCA tribunal too. Our vast investigate reporting resources (Google) are otherwise silent on his background, except that if he *was* the William Carmichael that Thomas Jefferson wrote to in 1788, saying "It [is] more dangerous that even a guilty person should be punished without the forms of law, than that he should escape", we hope he was listening. http://www.cs.ucl.ac.uk/staff/I.Brown/archives/ukcrypto/nov2000/msg00144.html - ...oh, and he uses a typewriter http://www.fipr.org/rip/ - we see Charles Clarke is busy changing the history books too >> ANTI-NEWS << berating the obvious TELEGRAPH believes banking records kept in "motherboards": http://www.telegraph.co.uk/et?pg=/et/00/11/22/nbank22.html ... CLAN SPICE GIRLS not the only ones whose judgement clouded by alcohol: http://www.pczone.co.uk/willson100/news/34339.html ; http://www.wine-alley.com/wines/desmail.asp?id=242797&l=uk - "so if I just change that id number"... TIMES INTERFACE: http://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/0,,38101,00.html don't read REGISTER: http://www.theregister.co.uk/content/6/14815.html ... http://www.wired.com/news/photo/0,1860,40170,00.html vs http://www.fatbabies.com/musing_sonyresponse.jpg ... entirely baseless USENET rumour receives extensive media coverage: http://www.theage.com.au/news/20001116/A52971-2000Nov15.html ... YAHOO blows the whistle on hushed-up UK hyperinflation: http://uk.news.yahoo.com/001121/80/apnyk.html ... "Save us, laptop-buyer" http://www.ntk.net/2000/11/24/dohibm.gif "You're our only hope!"... universe was GIANT CELLULAR AUTOMATON all along: http://www.forbes.com/asap/2000/1127/162_print.html ... >> EVENT QUEUE << goto's considered non-harmful AL Digital's server-bunker. Titles like "Earth Shelter Technology" and "Underground Homes" appearing on the NTK bestseller list. And, er, "Half-Life". There can be no clearer evidence that many humans are subconsciously hoping to fulfil the popular sci-fi prophecy that, by the 21st century, we should all be living underground. And what better chance to sample the delights of subterranean existence than NERVE/ DARKSIDE UK's G2000 LAN PARTY, being held at the Kelvedon Hatch Nuclear Bunker, near Brentwood in Essex, Dec 2000-12- 16/18. "First person shooters" will, predictably, be the order of the day, though "other activities" are planned; tickets are UKP10/day or UKP28 for all three, and include admission, crash space, electricity, some meals, an opportunity to drink your own re-processed urine and, presumably, an increased chance of survival if some rogue nation exploits the current window of opportunity and launches an ICBM attack on the leaderless US. http://www.nerve.org.uk/g2000/ - and emerge, blinking, as rulers of a new world http://www.thebunker.net/pressrel_180998.htm - famous non-surface-dwellers: Morlocks, NORAD, Hitler... Or, for those of us still nostalgic for the good old days of tabletop wargaming and saving throws of the d20, this weekend sees the debut of DRAGONMEET 2000, "inspired by the Dragonmeet conventions organised by Games Workshop in the 1980s" (10am, Sat 2000-11-25, Conway Hall, London, UKP5 on the door). Guest of honour is John Kovalic, the man behind "Dork Tower" and "Pokethulhu" (of course), and it's been orchestrated by James "CrazyNet" Wallis, who has volunteered to "help out" if we ever get round to doing an NTK convention (as threatened in last week's issue), so it might be worth dropping by if you're "in the area" (geographically and/or mentally), just to see what he might have in mind. http://www.dragonmeet.com/ - more navigable than Nov's New Media Underground Festival... http://www.nmuf.org/ - ...which isn't exactly an encouraging sign >> TRACKING << sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering Ah, that old Tracking faithful, Beat The Firewall. Our roving ftp correspondent, Yoz, writes: "If you had ten pence for every time you'd been stuck behind a firewall at a new job and talked with your sysadmin chum about how cool it'd be if you could tunnel your essential protocols (e.g. ICQ, Napster) through something like HTTP, then... you still wouldn't have enough to afford the server rental outside the firewall. Fortunately, HTTP-TUNNEL does *both* - not only have they written a client, but they're hosting servers for you to proxy through. And it seems to work. Okay, so it's Windows-only, but how hard is it for you *nixers to 0wn the firewall anyway?" http://http-tunnel.com/newpage/icqp.htm - .zip with InstallShield installer & MFC DLLs: 1.3MB. without: 45K http://www.nocrew.org/software/httptunnel.html - not to be confused with GNU httptunnel, although we can't see them suing >> MEMEPOOL << hasta la altavista for those "evil parallel-universe self" days in the office: http://www.io.com/~sjohn/goatee.htm ... you'll go BLIND: http://lists.w3.org/Archives/Public/w3c-wai-ig/2000OctDec/0349.html vs http://www.theweekly.co.uk/007/radio_weekly.html ... life imitates COCOON: http://uk.news.yahoo.com/001122/80/aprk9.html ... http://www.ifilm.com/db/static_text/0,1699,9163,00.html - not too early to hoax EPISODE 2... not quite what we meant: http://tv.cream.org/buchan ... "Hmm, 12 letters, starts with '__'": http://user-mode-linux.sourceforge.net/cgi-bin/hangman ... fuckin' MAINFRAMES: http://unixsex.com/admins/vintage/ ... NICHOLSON BAKER, without the masturbating - though then again: http://www.ashleypomeroy.com/gontar.html ... horizontal ruler metrics on think-big STAROFFICE word processor can be set to feet, kilometers and miles... the return of GOPHER (and so quickly!): http://www.scn.org/~bkarger/gopher-manifesto ... http://www.billboardliberation.com/actions/new_economy.html vs http://www.shite.freeserve.co.uk/notmail/ ... >> GEEK MEDIA << get out less TV>> BBC1's late-nighter A TOWN CALLED HELL (1am, Fri) is, of course, the title-censored version of the film "A Town Called Bastard"... C5 concludes a week of almost non-stop cyber- bollocks with VIRTUAL GIRL (11.45pm, Fri) - then catches you out by fielding surprisingly good stuff like period serial kill 10 RILLINGTON PLACE (11.40pm, Sat), porn-chic John Holmes semi-biopic BOOGIE NIGHTS (10pm, Mon) and, er, Ice T and Coolio fighting to destroy a planet-killing asteroid in JUDGEMENT DAY (9pm, Tue)... while pre-Pentium image processing hardware allows Kevin Costner to slip away in NO WAY OUT (10.55pm, Sat, ITV)... relativistic kiddie flick FLIGHT OF THE NAVIGATOR (2.15pm, Sun, BBC1) comes round for its second pass since Jan 1999... dialogue from '70s gang fight THE WARRIORS (10pm, Sun, BBC2) has now been sampled so extensively, the film sounds like an ambient Pop Will Eat Itself album... and C4 appear to be promoting patchy spy slapstick AUSTIN POWERS: INTERNATIONAL MAN OF MYSTERY (9pm, Sun) by pointing out goofs in the script, seemingly unaware that nor is it possible to cryogenically freeze humans then bring them back to life... fuelling "Bonfire Of The Vanities"-style speculation on who his character "might really be based on", Ben Moor plays a trivia-obsessed webmaster called "Brian O'Green" in erratic Pub Landlord Cheers-tribute TIME GENTLEMEN PLEASE (10.30pm, Mon; 11pm, Sun, Sky1)... and, inexplicably, Weds is shaping up as the big ratings battleground, with BBC1 fielding "Despite Warnings, Stubborn Mayor Refuses To Cancel Festivities" classic JAWS (10.35pm) against working class prostitution metaphor THE FULL MONTY (9.30pm, ITV) - vs a no-doubt Ford Puma ad-packed showing of Steve McQueen's BULLITT (9pm, C5)... FILM>> after not being released last time we said it was [see NTK 2000-11-03] Joushua Jackson's secret society scarer THE SKULLS (imdb: branding / secret-society / college / cover-up / fake-suicide / falsely-committed / father-son-relationship / neck-breaking-scene / conspiracy / psychiatric-hospital / reporter / rowing / surveillance-camera / chase / duel / class-differences) finally appears the very same week as two other almost-rhyming film titles: wrestling fan spoof READY TO RUMBLE (http://www.capalert.com : tattoos; rapid series of crotch hits/kicks clearly for the "shock value"; long series of belittling nuns) - based on neither the PS2 launch title nor the Ant and Dec song of the same name... plus, of course, the out-of-nowhere contender for "Best Worst Film Of The Year": Tom Green, Bill Murray, Tim Curry - and some chicks as well! - together at last in near-pornographic wirework action- fest CHARLIE'S ANGELS (http://www.cndb.com : [Cameron Diaz] shakes her booty in very cute panties at the camera for an extended period of time [...] We see Drew [Barrymore] covered in sheets twice in the movie, exposing some nice hip [...] To seduce a limo driver, [Drew] unzips her jump suit down to her wait, exposing side views of her breasts that leave nothing to the imagination. I liked the movie, and I liked Drew's breasts). To which NTK reader Greg Mendizabal adds: "They lift the bad guy's Palm (pilot) and when they zoomed in on the screen, despite it being similar to the Palm, the corner logo said 'Powered By Windows' like a CE device"... targetting a less overtly heterosexual audience, there's long-unawited Schumacher/ De Niro campfest FLAWLESS (http://www.capalert.com : a completely homosexual movie; vast number of homosexual presences of all kinds; sexual cake)... don't hold out for a wide release for Spike Lee's more laughs than usual African- American stand-up tour movie THE ORIGINAL KINGS OF COMEDY (http://www.screenit.com/ : The film might obviously inspire kids to try to elicit laughs from jokes and profanity, as well as the exaggerated gestures and dancing the comedians use in their acts)... or Australian true-story ultrablack crime comedy CHOPPER (Poster Quote: "Puts Guy Ritchie To Shame" - well, something ought to) - not based on the 2000AD Judge Dredd mini-series of the same name... DRILY IRONIC T-SHIRT ROUND #0>> so, we're just about to issue an APB on COMIC RELIEF's "fair trade" DUBBLE bar, plus a range of freakish new NESTLE limited editions - KIT KAT MINT (27p), AERO CHUNK MINT (29p), ORANGE TOFFEE CRISP (28p), BANOFFEE MUNCHIES (43p) and, after the mild disappointment of Rolo Giant, ROLO COCONUT (29p) - when, entirely unbidden by us, reader IAN WESTBROOK mails to ask "Where's the merchandising then? Huh? Huh?", helpfully adding: "Christmas is coming. What are geek partners supposed to buy for them?" You know Ian, we really hadn't planned on getting our e-commerce site up and running in time for your superstitious Pago-Christian festival, but just for you... http://www.cybercandy.co.uk/ntk/ is now your one-stop shop for addressing those most primal of human needs: food, shelter and reasonably priced luxury gift items. In fact, this is a currently a low-profile launch beta of what will become a much bigger selection over the coming weeks, but we thought we'd get this T-shirt out of the way first as the design(s) came from readers who'd unwittingly entered our "Design NTK Merchandise For Us" competition before it had started... and the Round 0 winners are: JON PETERSON, who sent us the slogan "In-Jokes For Outcasts" in July 1999, and now receives 50p for each shirt sold with it on (don't give up the day job just yet, Jon); plus 3D realtime animation (ie, Quake movie) nutcases STRANGE COMPANY, who encouraged us to adapt their "Memes don't exist - tell your friends" classic into the more Nathan-hostile "Viral marketing doesn't work - tell everyone you know". The judges were particularly impressed by the self-referentiality of the humour here, and the fact that we were able to come up with some sort of visual accompaniment to the slogan - what else but the international biohazard symbol made out of ASCII art using the words "Caution: Contagious Memes" repeated over and over again. Strange Company win UKP1.50 per shirt sold and the right to sell their "Memes Don't Exist" design on the site as well... and this, as they say, is just the beginning. Next week we'll start unveiling entries received via more conventional means (will we bow to public demand and do the "I Got UKP80m" one from http://www.growf.org/shirts/ ? Hey, are all B2Cs, by their very nature, doomed, doomed, DOOMED?). Long-time confectio-section regulars http://www.cybercandy.co.uk are handling the e-commerce for us, and astutely point out that, if you order sweets from them at the same time, you save on postage bigtime. They'll normally send orders out within 2 working days if they have them in stock, and they now have a bunch of the Viral Marketing ones all ready to go - though, of course, we have no idea how many of you might actually want to buy them (did we say they're only UKP10 each?) so order early, to avoid disappointment. (Or, perhaps, to ensure it...) >> SMALL PRINT << Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent. Registered at the Post Office as "rumours... greatly exaggerated" http://www.smh.com.au/icon/0011/18/driftnet.html NEED TO KNOW THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK. Archive - http://www.ntk.net/ Unsubscribe? Mail ntknow-unsubscribe@lists.ntk.net Subscribe? 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