_   _ _____ _  __ <*the* weekly high-tech sarcastic update for the uk>
| \ | |_   _| |/ / _ __   __2000-06-09_ o join! mail an empty message to
|  \| | | | | ' / | '_ \ / _ \ \ /\ / / o ntknow-subscribe@lists.ntk.net
| |\  | | | | . \ | | | | (_) \ v  v /  o website (+ archive) lives at:
|_| \_| |_| |_|\_\|_| |_|\___/ \_/\_/   o     http://www.ntk.net/


         "Presentations from the south [of Europe] were particularly 
         dreadful... one spoke while the other simply clicked a mouse to
         show the next Powerpoint slide"
- VANESSA RICHARDSON, on how Europeans don't pitch like *proper* Americans
         http://www.herring.com/vc/2000/0602/vc-pitch060200.html 
            ... while I, by contrast, just sat there, writing it down


                                >> HARD NEWS <<
                                divide by twos 

         Splitters! The inevitable occurred, and following the
         distinct lack of either apologies or kool-aid drinking in
         Washington state, the assumption is that Bill and Steve are
         just waiting for Al or George to come to power, re-install
         the DOJ staff with friends of Redmond, and quietly forget
         about the whole thing. But given the company's blithe
         demeanour to political shenanigans (at the time of the
         announcement, Steve was in Europe, and Bill was failing to
         get a decent haircut), do they even care about creating a
         political solution? What Penfield Jackson spotted about MS
         was that they were "untrustworthy" types, happy to ignore
         the spirit of any suggestion if they can comply with the
         wording. And that means that given a legal division, they'll
         hack a technical workaround. At the end of this month,
         Microsoft will announce the details of its Next Generation
         Web Services. It'll spec out an API framework, using that
         ole industry standard, XML. It'll be a public API, just like
         the lawyers want. But you can bet that that API will be so
         driven by the way that Windows works, that it doesn't matter
         if you're working with the Microsoft App company or the
         Microsoft Window company, if they use NGWS, you'll be buying
         it from them, or a bunch of wannabe's desperately playing
         catch up with their specs. Doesn't matter who's leading the
         Microsoft twins when the appeals end: if they're given
         enough momentum, they'll follow a trajectory of exclusionary
         methods that'll keep them both lock-step in technological
         lock-in. Microsoft isn't fighting the legal damage: it's
         planning to route right around it.
         http://www.zdnet.com/zdnn/stories/news/0,4586,2581842,00.html
                     - Windows services? Web services? NT Technology?
         http://monkeyfist.com/articles/514
                                           - RPC's considered harmful
         http://www.ntk.net/2000/06/09/dohcompton.jpg
                                             - straight outa Redmond!

         Like good entropian cynics, we were wont to disregard the
         SEALAND DATA HAVEN story as another fantasy invented by
         people who get their business plans from back issues of
         Interzone. But is there more to it than a Freedom Ship
         without a rudder? On the con side: the Sealand fortress,
         while appealing to far-off dreamers, has as much chance of
         surviving a concerted assault by international law and order
         as Radio Caroline had of developing a independent nuclear
         deterrent. On the pro: long-time Anguilla cypher-exile Sean
         Hastings does seem to have collected a Who's Who of Can-Do
         cypherpunks to assist, including Sameer "C2Net" Parekh, and
         Avi "AboveNet/BoardWatch" Freedman, and there's talk of
         satellite links and connections not just with tetchy Albion,
         but the continental mainland. And while we think it's going
         to be a little hard to construct a viable turnover from
         strong ideals and an AUP that bans anything illegal in
         customer's country of origin, we can bet that they'll be
         some useful publicity from when that RIP bill hits - not to
         mention when they host a Freedom Server, a FreeNet node, and
         a tax-free casino over there. But will the prospective
         libertarian clientele be too objectivistically correct to
         trust any state, let alone a decadent principality? Maybe
         what the deep cypherpunks say is true: you don't want a data
         heaven in meatspace, you want it distributed throught the
         Network. Tim May, he say: don't trust the laws of men. Trust
         the laws of mathematics.
         http://slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=00/06/04/1742209
                           - and carry a big boom-stick, we'd imagine
         http://www.havenco.com/about_havenco/theteam.html
                                          - ooh ooh! brits with guns!

         And as if to illustrate what trouble small islands off the
         coast of big countries get into, HONG KONG is the latest
         country to propose banning access foreign sites that
         contravene local standards of taste and decency. Given that
         their nearest neighbour recently arrested a Net journalist
         and threatened him with ten years imprisonment for breaching
         same, you can see why netizens there are getting a little
         nervous. Why, if the consultation paper becomes law, the
         place could become as much an enemy of free speech as
         Australia! Free Net HK (no relation) asks if you could add
         your word to the campaign to stop the blockade. Ta!
         http://www.geocities.com/freenethk/
                                                     - free speech...
http://www.editorandpublisher.com/ephome/news/newshtm/stories/060900n5.htm
                                     - ...or free rides with the cops
         http://www.nypost.com/news/5645.htm 
- of course, there are always ways to tunnel dodgy material into a country 


                                >> ANTI-NEWS <<
                             berating the obvious

         http://www.491.org/projets/api/ open sources HTML, meta tags
         from http://www.debian.org/ ... - but by QA teams, too:
         http://www.ntk.net/2000/06/09/dohphoenix.jpg ... ex-boo
         employees now bitterer than ex-Wired UK employees, official:
         http://www.whatididforboo.com/ ... Times INTERFACE (prop.:
         R. Murdoch) gives rave review to LineOne (prop.: R. Murdoch)
         http://www.the-times.co.uk/interface/insight/story541.html
         ... "Irish Firms Find Security Breeches", reassures DOT.IE's
         newsletter ... MAXIM, 2000-07, p150 recommends boo.com as
         the website of the month. concludes "You can't go wrong" ...
         National press reveals existance of bomb making instructions
         on the Net (again), calls for a national crackdown (again) ... 
         the secret of that special sauce revealed:
         http://www.deja.com/=dnc/threadmsg_ct.xp?AN=628819541 ...
         It's the new bunderlife! http://www.mostxlnt.co.uk/2000/ ...


                               >> EVENT QUEUE <<
                         goto's considered non-harmful

         "Your Arts Council dollars at work" once again bring you a
         well-meaning Nathan-magnet in the form of TECH NICKS, a "a
         long hot summer programme of workshops, presentations and
         collaborative projects", from 4pm, Sat 2000-06-10, and
         initially based - where else? - in that very epicentre of
         Barley-dom, THE LUX CINEMA IN HOXTON SQUARE. The usual co-
         opting of open source / street-tech philosophies might make
         it worth a look if you can't make it to this year's YET
         ANOTHER PERL CONFERENCE 19100 - as could Matthew
         "Underground/ IOD / Webstalker" Fuller's plan to create the
         "world's largest human cellular automata" at 7pm Thu 06-15,
         with people with umbrellas acting as cells in Conway's
         "Life". Though we think he means "world's largest cellular
         automaton", unless he's going to be creating more than one
         of them...
         http://www.noaltgirls.org/tech_nicks/
              - no "cellular automata " (or even automaton) to be seen
         http://www.ukuug.org/events/linux2000/
                - UKP75 "Early Bird rate" ends Saturday (members only)
         http://yapc.org/America/
                  - " get on the stage immediately, explain your idea,
                                                       and then leave"


                                >> TRACKING <<
               sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering

         One of the eeriest areas of the Net to stumble on at 4am is
         the engineering nostalgia pages of the TRANSDIFFUSION 
         NETWORK. A thirty-seven year old archive begun by a
         nationwide collective of schoolboys, maintained by the
         men they became, Transdiffusion collects the idents, logos,
         and general desiderata of long dead television companies.
         Essays on "the presentation manager as chef"; blurred clips
         of a junior John Humphries from the sixties; echoey MP3s
         trailing long dead shows; and urgent messages
         from RTE ordering viewers to turn off their televisions, in
         case the local powerstation collapsed from the strain - it's
         all here. And now, we're told the mailing list wing of the
         wider gang of obsessives MHP-Chat ("the list that discusses
         anything on TV except the programmes (idents, widescreen
         glitches, test cards, etc.") is offering a free copy of
         Volume 2 of the Tansdiffusion CD archive to its own members.
         Our correspondent writes: "It would seem uncontentious to
         flag this, since I hardly think anyone would join a TV
         engineering list in bad faith, simply to lay their hands on
         such a CD". There's no bad faith within 625 lines of this
         place.
         http://www.meldrum.co.uk/mhp/features/kif_1.html 
                              - i think i'm going to burst into tears
         http://www.meldrum.co.uk/mhp/continuity/continuity.html
                                         - 404 Errors of the Ancients


                                >> MEMEPOOL << 
                              hasta la altavista

         porn: scandinavians show you how: http://pornolize.com/ ...
         Microsoft Cellphone vs Apple iMobile? ... Billie Puppet!
         http://www.bugsbugs.co.uk/stuff/puppets.html ... breathe.com
         not as cool as they think: http://tsluts.com/?content_id=125
         ... www.fuckedcompany.com ! Uh, I mean, Falco! ... ...
         http://www.mediapill.com/ the official slightly less amusing
         version of http://www.emporiumoffruit.co.uk/ ... will the
         British public ever tire of ingenious genre name generators?
         http://qix.lm.com/cgi-bin/fun/glamname.pl ... this week's
         reader nomination for The Real Nathan Barley:
         http://www.jamie.com/projects.htm - his N3 magazine "might
         be useful if you're attempting to maintain a brand identity
         online. Who isn't?"... DNA's earlier, funny work:
         http://www.xcalibur.co.uk/games/hitchhik.html ... Hubcap
         Central: http://www.ncircus.com/ufo/uphoto.htm ... the
         acceptable face of Flash *and* France:
         http://www.hahabonk.com/channel/index.asp?sect=0&movie_id=87
         ... Yeah. Who *does* want to marry a sysadmin?
         http://www.fistfullofunix.com/index2.html ... the post-potato 
         C64 WAP client: http://www.geekhaus.co.uk/recondite/ ...


                               >> GEEK MEDIA <<
                                 get out less

         TV>> the most fun in SO "BEST" OF GRAHAM NORTON (9.55pm, Sat,
         C4) likely to be watching for obviously faked phonecalls and
         the famed "Argos dog penis" meme [from NTK 1999-12-10]... a
         triple treat for would-be "Lone Gunmen", with docus on Marilyn
         Monroe's FINAL DAY (11pm, Sat, ITV), the "mass suicide" of a
         Ugandan Christian cult in WITNESS (9pm, Sun, C4) - the usual
         cover-up used to erase evidence of CIA mind-control camps -
         and thinly veiled Mel Gibson/ Julia Roberts MK-Ultra whistle-
         blower CONSPIRACY THEORY (9pm, Tue, C5)... oleaginous film-
         club spaz Mark Cousins now "owns" BBC2 late-night weekends,
         pestering WOODY ALLEN SCENE BY SCENE (10.55pm, Sat, BBC2)
         before intro-ing the funniest of his late-era comedies,
         BULLETS OVER BROADWAY (11.45pm, Sat, BBC2)... David Shayler
         the first "person with a homepage" profiled in ostensibly
         pointless 5-minute slot VIRTUAL ME (7.55pm, Mon-Wed, C4)...
         and Paul "Shopping" Anderson enthusiastically pilfers Alien,
         Flatliners, Solaris and The Prodigy's back-catalogue for
         intermittently unpleasant sci-fi EVENT HORIZON (10pm, Mon,
         BBC1)... David Duchovny, Sigourney Weaver and Will Smith are
         among the xenobiologist luminaries polled in CLOSE ENCOUNTERS:
         PROOF OF ALIEN CONTACT (11.30pm, Mon, ITV)... the creators of
         THIS LIFE (Mon-Fri, 11.20pm, BBC2) - a slot which could just
         as easily be filled by double episodes of "Seinfeld" - are
         making a new series about web designers, hopefully called
         "*No* Life"... and it's Rutger Hauer week on C5 - again - with
         familiar-sounding serial killer BONE DADDY (9pm, Thu, C5),
         plus Albert "Mean Guns" Pyun's characteristically bizarre
         Westworld remake OMEGA DOOM (10pm, Fri, C5)...

         FILM>> on the plus side, semi-ironic nerd-makeover prom
         procedural DRIVE ME CRAZY (http://www.capalert.com/ : another
         teen autonomy movie; one use of the most foul of the foul
         words; sneaking to introduce dye in the school water system;
         homosexual presence (multiple); cyber relationship; waste of a
         jacket in anger) does feature Melissa Joan "Sabrina The
         Teenage Witch" Hart - and is, of course, based on the Britney
         Spears song of the same name... ditto - partly - for Woody
         Allen's Sean Penn tortured-artist jazz odyssey SWEET AND
         LOWDOWN (imdb triva: "Sweet and Low-Down" by George Gershwin,
         is a song on the soundtrack of Woody Allen's "Manhattan")...
         Joely Richardson obsessives get their second trip out of the
         house this year, as David Duchovny continues battling the
         supernatural side-effects of experimental organ transplants in
         Minnie Driver rom-com RETURN TO ME (http://www.capalert.com/ :
         programming of which Jesus would not approve, largely due to
         Jim Belushi)... sounding like a Lee and Herring sitcom
         already, Ewan McGregor plays a character called "The Eye" (who
         likes to "hold bees"?) in bizarre cult-in-the-making voyeur
         romance EYE OF THE BEHOLDER (http://www.cndb.com/ :
         "excruciating surrealist dud of a film. Ashley Judd: her ass
         in the rain while she's washing blood off her back and calling
         out her dead father's name; a quick glance of her breasts as
         she is getting into a bath. Good shot of her right nipple if
         you watch closely")... and, finally, David Thewlis' GANGSTER
         NO.1 (http://www.bbfc.co.uk/ : Passed '18' for frequent coarse
         language and strong bloody violence) is another gritty British
         crime epic, this time based around the plot of Goodfellas or
         something - a disappointment for anyone who thought the
         mistranslated-sounding title meant it was a Jackie Chan film...

         CONFECTIONERY THEORY>> the mutagenic weather brings a frenzy
         of speciation, with confirmed sightings of OCEAN SPRAY
         CRAISINS (spotted by STUART CAMPBELL, UKP1.89 for 170g, dried
         cranberries that "resemble raisins", available in great-
         tasting "original" and "strawberry" varieties), plus "limited
         editions" of CADBURY'S TIME OUT MINT CHUNKY (similar to Wispa
         Mint, and/or a giant Viscount biscuit), and this month's early
         contender for taste abomination, CADBURY'S LEMONADE CRUNCHIE,
         the ill-judged successor - if that's the right word - to the
         "Champagne Crunchie" [NTK 1999-08-20], and largely resembling
         a normal Crunchie that's been left on a shelf next to some
         powerful household cleaning products... keen Cadbury's-watcher
         MIKE GRAY also alerted us to their sending of special promo
         CDs to registered Wispa users, featuring a surreal 2-minute
         audio ad for Wispa Bite and what sounds like the phrase "shoes
         can be twisted tight for a satin flight stream"... extending
         our sphere of influence beyond the sweet counter to what
         http://www.esa.org.uk/ succinctly describes as "potato chips,
         edible nuts, savoury snacks, tortillas, pretzels, popcorn,
         pellet snacks, pork rinds, meat snacks and other snacks", we
         have positive reports of MARKS AND SPENCER'S THE [CHINESE]
         TAKE AWAY (assorted flavours, all UKP1.99) in Seinfeld-style
         cartons, and actually pretty darn microwavable (despite the
         lack of specific instructions) for those of us who love the
         reassuring smell of irradiated cardboard... while tipster ZOOT
         argues that "the pointless rebranding of all Kellogg's cereal
         products makes Frosties look like an appalling 'own-brand'
         pastiche of itself", prophetically coinciding with Kellogg's
         controversial, similarly Seinfeldian campaign to "replace
         *another* of your daily meals with a bowl of cereal. Hell, why
         not *all* of them?" (our paraphrase)... addressing the "frozen
         chocolate gravel" effect of both NESTLE SMARTIES ICE-CREAM
         and the M&M one, we're pleased at last to welcome the
         MCDONALD'S MCFLURRY to these shores (99p, participating
         restaurants only), currently only available in Smarties and
         Cadbury's Daily Milk variants, yet retaining the USA's weird
         outsized, square-shaped-with-a-clip-on-the-top spoon... and
         finally, scary-sounding new stuff that we've heard of but not
         yet witnessed first-hand: send us *your* sightings of NESTLE
         COLA SMARTIES, NESTLE ROWNTREE BURSTING BUGS, and a startling
         development in the static "Slush Puppy" market, ICE BLAST - a
         "Frozen Carbonated Drink" with the sinisterly alliterative
         slogan: "Feel the Frozen Fizz!"...
 

                               >> SMALL PRINT <<

       Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
         happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
       on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
     nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
                       Registered at the Post Office as 
          "So which is it, Kennedy? Portalofevil or 'need2know.com'?"
                           (Internet Magazine, p42, p66)

                                 NEED TO KNOW
            THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK.
                         Archive - http://www.ntk.net/
              Unsubscribe? Mail ntknow-unsubscribe@lists.ntk.net
                Subscribe? Mail ntknow-subscribe@lists.ntk.net
     NTK now is supported by UNFORTU.NET, and by you: http://www.ntk.net/books

                          (K) 2000 Special Projects.
             Copying is fine, but include URL: http://www.ntk.net/

                    Tips, news and gossip to tips@spesh.com
              Press releases from naive PR people to pr@spesh.com
     Remember: Your work email may be monitored if sending sensitive material.
       Sending >500KB attachments is forbidden by the Geneva Convention.
              Your country may be at risk if you fail to comply.