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         "Will machines soon be smarter than people and could children
         born today live forever? That's what top British
         futurologist Ian Pearson says may happen. Pearson is used by
         communications giant British Telecom ...  to make sure
         companies don't go down the wrong road by developing
         technologies that date too quickly."
         - REUTERS, on "top British futurologist" Ian Pearson
         http://uk.news.yahoo.com/000808/1/afdja.html
                - see? you *won't* be dead by the time ADSL comes out


                                >> HARD NEWS <<
                               strangers intrude

         It's curious that the row over KATIE.COM, the
         privately-owned UK domain appropriated by Penguin as the
         title of a chatroom abuse novel, took so long to become
         public, when the book first came out in May. But hey, if you
         discovered a major publisher was cheerily libelling and/or
         driving traffic to your site, wouldn't *you* try and do a
         quiet little deal with them first? Proving it is possible to
         take on the big guys and win is the owner of STING.COM, who
         fought off an attack by the well-meaning rainforest-warrior
         of the same name, partly on the grounds that more people
         might have heard of the site owner (who plays Quake using
         the handle "Sting") than the middle-aged pop-jazz has-been.
         And completing the craze is upcoming garage vocalist CRAIG
         DAVID, whose soft-spoken accounts of "What I Did Over The
         Half-Term Holidays" have proved so popular among the UK's
         now largely pre-pubescent record-buying public. Craig
         apparently namechecks the URL "www.cd.com" extensively
         during the "Booty Man" track on his new album (out on
         Monday), seemingly under the impression that this is his own
         website. Of course, the URL he *should* be publicising is
         www.craigdavid.co.uk , because cd.com is a domain owned by
         Digi, "the world's leading supplier of multi- function
         adapters for server-based communications systems."
         http://www.katieT.com/guestbook/guestbook.html
                                    - leaves you feeling oddly violated
         http://www.sting.com/WIPO_Decision.asp
            - of course, Sting could just change his name to "Sting.Com"
         http://www.cd.com/
       - installed it on a Monday, had better LAN performance on Tuesday


         Despite the recent "online credit card details" hysteria
         (isn't it the merchants and CC companies who are liable for
         most fraudulent use, a fact they obviously prefer not to
         publicise), you can always rely on DEMON to come up with a
         more low-tech method of exposing that ultra-valuable customer
         info. Their latest exploit reportedly involved velvet-gloved
         cat-burglars, who "climbed up the scaffolding and nicked
         a NT server (which paged down but no on NOC duty knew what the
         machine did, so they did nothing)." Police were called to the
         scene, but after they left, the master-thieves (possibly "the
         same ones", our source believes) "climbed in again and nicked
         another NT server, this time one that holds company files,
         templates and manages office printers. Some staff then went
         home as they could no longer do their work."
         http://www.theregister.co.uk/content/1/12354.html
                 - hey, why not cancel your card every time you use it?
         http://www.the-times.co.uk/interface/insight/story764.html
                                       - it's the *only* way to be sure



                                >> ANTI-NEWS <<
                             berating the obvious

         you've got to admit, "Translate into French/ German" adds to
         the tasteful tone: http://www.concordejokes.com ... home
         Internet use "growing" unearths BBC ONLINE ... ah, the other
         meaning of "last": http://www.icalltelecom.com/ ... heard at
         BOOB night: "Look around: these people are young, they're
         rich, they want to be in a hip venue. Camden's too far
         north". And seven foot down's not deep enough, either ...
         BT's http://www.trustwise.com : not to be confused with
         http://www.trustwise.co.uk ... JAKOB NIELSEN's fifteen
         seconds of celebrity download time almost over, so get those
         parodies in fast: http://useitorloseit.cjb.net/ ... playing
         to the biggest "at large" constituency of all:
         http://members.icann.org/nom/cp/1.html ... oh yeah, the
         folks behind "Rubberburner" and "Super Greg" are *real* smart:
         http://salon.com/business/feature/2000/08/07/midgets/print.html
         ... QUEEN MOTHER "may already be dead" concurs NEW STATESMAN
         http://www.newstatesman.co.uk/200008070003.htm - in accordance with 
         NTK prophecy: http://www.ntk.net/?b=a98/now0130.txt&l=103#l ... 
         life imitates BBC imitating TVGOHOME (note lack of direct link):
         http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/uk/newsid_870000/870270.stm ...



                               >> EVENT QUEUE <<
                         goto's considered non-harmful

         Al Gore, inventor of the Internet, has sadly stepped in to fix
         his http://www.dems2000.com site after our old pals the DATA
         NETWORK SECURITY COUNCIL had confidently predicted that it
         might be defaced by the likes of "G-Force Pakistan" if it
         continued to offer "full read/write and shell capabilities"
         via default Microsoft Remote Data Services settings. Of
         course, it would merely be unfortunate coincidence if this had
         occurred during their annual DNSCON 2000 conference in
         Blackpool (from next Fri 2000-08-18), where you can check out
         "Beer, Sandcastles and Computer Security" - and maybe (if we
         don't make it along ourselves) obtain documentary evidence of
         a (reputed) "NTK Bar" somewhere in the area.
         http://www.dnscon.org/dns2000/
                - sequel to last year's "Secondary DNS" titling quandry
         http://www.zeus-net.co.uk/
                              - "secure" folder something of a misnomer
         http://www.msdi.co.uk/shop/
                       - no wonder there's no customers in the database

         "Out of curiosity, do you play Magic: The Gathering?",
         inquired JAMES HEAVER, in perhaps the scariest piece of reader
         feedback we've ever received. "If so, whereabouts do you
         live?" Tragically, the answers to both queries remain strictly
         classified, but we suspect James might have been able to find
         more like himself at the real-life "Eltingville Comic Book,
         Science-Fiction, Fantasy, Horror and Role-Playing Club" get-
         together GENCON 2000 (Midwest Express Center, Milwaukee,
         started, er, yesterday). Attractions include not just Anthony
         "C3PO" Daniels, J Michael "The Great Maker" Straczynski and KW
         "Noir" Jeter, but also the unveiling of DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS
         3RD EDITION. "This marks the beginning of the attempted
         assimilation of the entire roleplaying hobby into Wizards Of
         The Coast's open-licence-but-not-quite-open-source 'D20'
         mechanic system," writes NTK's resident 7th-level Magic User,
         "which resembles nothing so much as Chaosium's 'Basic
         Roleplay', circa 1978."
         http://www.wizards.com/gencon/GC2K/exh_demographics.asp
                 - "demographics" make predictably depressing reading...
         http://www.fandomshop.com/store/categories/Calendars.asp
              - 1996 still a big year for The X Files (see Top 10 chart)


                                >> TRACKING <<
               sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering

         We don't usually mention alpha software unless it looks like
         the developer needs help. And if anyone "needs help", it's
         RON AARON, author of VINE,  a complete POP mail, calendaring
         and newsreading for Vi. Or its gamma-irradiated descendent
         Vim, at least. Aaron mutters darkly at Microsoft and the
         Mutt developers for pushing him into this insanity. With
         this final keystone, its only a matter of time before Vim 6
         includes a shell buffer, folding, vertical split windows,
         Zippy the Pinhead emulator, Aztec Calendaring, a Lisp
         interpreter... and then it will TECO's turn to rise against
         its masters. 
         http://www.mossbayeng.com/~ron/vim/vine.html
                      - the Law of Software Envelopment strikes again
         http://www.vim.org/
                               - you will never escape. :q! ^C^C:Exit


                                >> MEMEPOOL <<
                              hasta la altavista

         back in those days, everything was drawn with vectors:
         http://www.willowsp.u-net.com/andy/atari/ ... new, less
         cluttered, YAHOO design: http://wap.yahoo.com/ ...
         from the Powerpoint presentations of the WEYLAND-YUTANI
         corporation: http://www.iseran.com/Steve/alien.html ...
         probably not what the visitors meant by "too dark":
         http://www.wsu.edu/~kgrytdal/lara_dies.html ...
         NATHAN BARLEY's don't *just* work in new media, implies
         http://www.lukasburton.com/ of http://www.shippingbabes.com/
         ... while waiting for the official NTK merchandise to arrive:
         http://www.cafepress.com/moose2000/ ... several weeks on,
         and the "Channel Four News" fans have found that IMDB entry:
         http://uk.imdb.com/CommentsShow?239164 ... we'd comment, but
         I don't think we're allowed: http://sbz-s01.websys.aol.com/
         ... as if HOTMAIL users don't get enough spam as it is:
         http://www.samurajdata.se/~cj/hotmail.html ... oh, god, yes:
         http://www.malemultipleorgasm.com/chats/ch970514.htm ... the
         lighter side of private geopolitical intelligence-gathering:
         http://www.stratfor.com/asia/commentary/0008040046.htm ... some
         sperm more sacred than others: http://clonejesus.com/ ... at
         last, a Japanese, educational version of http://listen.to/swearing/
         http://www.honmanolondon.com/swearing.html ... What's that, Lassie?
         How many rems? http://www.x-entertainment.com/messages/333.html
         ... how about we throw in a *free* staircase with your purchase?
         http://www.oxford-instruments.com/nmr/index.cfm?page=/nmr/900mhz/


                                >> GEEK MEDIA <<
                      the less sold out www.tvgohome.com

         TV>> ostensibly experimental slot ALT-TV (7.30pm, Fri, C4)
         enthusiastically confuses physical constants with "lucky
         numbers" and "numerology"... what began as just the annual
         four-week fly-on-the-wall docusoap EDINBURGH OR BUST (11.35pm,
         Fri, C4) is now acknowledged by veterans as more entertaining
         than the actual Festival... and it's a cross-channel "classic
         movie" weekend, with Bruce Lee's subjunctive-not-imperative
         ENTER THE DRAGON (9.55pm, Sat, BBC2), dated Dustin Hoffman
         dweeb-a-thon THE GRADUATE (9pm, Sat, C4), Cadfael-inspiring
         monk whodunnit THE NAME OF THE ROSE (10.55pm, Sat, C5), plus
         the symbols re-aligning once again for this year's showing of
         STARGATE (8.35pm, Sat, BBC1)... Charlize Theron helps Liv
         Tyler re-tell the early days of Aerosmith in Tom Hanks vanity
         project THAT THING YOU DO (9.05pm, Sun, C4)... Lance "Aliens"
         Henriksen, Nancy "RoboCop" Allen - together at last! - in
         chemical weapons actioner DUSTING CLIFF 7 (9pm, Sun, C5)...
         and expect War-Of-The-Worlds-style panic in the streets from
         elderly viewers of as-it-happens history hoax NEWS 40: THE
         ATTLE OF BRITAIN (12.05pm & 11.30pm, Mon-Fri, ITV)... Channel
         4 criminally neglects their own back-catalogue - something for
         the weekend, the minipops - in search of a more biologically
         determined anatomy of disgust (10pm, tue, c4)... family-feud
         festen (11.35pm, tue, c4) begins a series of dogma 95 films
         that combine hard-hitting drama with the production values of
         eastern european camcorder porn... and, is it just us, or are
         the seductively-voiced "face-to-face encounter" trails for
         cousins (7pm, wed, bbc1) implying that the beautiful presenter
         is personally investigating that old "90-something percent of
         dna in common" claim - by travelling the world and having sex
         with as many primate species as she can find?...

         FILM>> gun-mad Arabs start spontaneously shooting Americans in
         morally ambiguous Samuel L Jackson / Tommy L Jones courtroom
         shoutfest RULES OF ENGAGEMENT (http://www.capalert.com :
         apparent homosexual pair in a crowd; Tommy Lee Jones was his
         usual excellent self [...] but with a potty mouth this time.
         Probably a dozen times more potty that "The Fugitive") -
         supposedly based on different events, but it's almost as if it
         was designed to "re-educate" the public about the massive
         foreign policy embarrassment of 1993's "Battle of Mogadishu"
         http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0140288503/ ... else
         it's the usual crop of kiddie flicks: MY DOG SKIP (imdb: bully
         / dog / kids-and-family / family / mississippi / tearjerker /
         baseball / based-on-true-story / 1940s / animal / dog-actor /
         based-on-novel / bootlegger / cemetery / segregation /
         football / boy-and-dog / sport / wwii / coming-of-age) - "Air
         Bud", but without the basketball... or dire Brit stag-night
         comedy WEDDING TACKLE (imdb: Tony Slattery, Leslie Grantham,
         the other guy from "Game On" - together at last!)... though of
         course you fanboys will be saving yourselves for Thursday's
         advance previews of X-MEN (imdb: blockbuster / wwii / boat /
         basketball / telekinesis / magnet / flashback / psionic-power
         / telepathy / motorcycle / helicopter / shapeshifter / spit-
         in-the-face / magnetism / melting-man / new-york / school /
         ostracism / morphing / based-on-comic / nazi-germany / senator
         / showdown / new-york-city / marvel / superhero / anarchy /
         mutant / paraplegic / statue-of-liberty / runaway /
         concentration-camp / government / prison / staten-island /
         tongue / wheelchair / holocaust) - arguably the best feature-
         length "made for TV" series pilot since "The Matrix"!...

         CONFECTIONERY THEORY>> something of a "crunchy" texture to
         this month's sightings, with the national roll-out of NESTLE
         COLA SMARTIES prompting widespread reaction, from "officially
         rank" (DAVID GENTLE) to "FLASH" WILSON's more complex theory
         that preferences are occupationally determined: "The web team
         eat Cola Smarties, the backend team eat Jelly and Icecream
         Fruit Pastilles - but I eat strawberry Campini"... while MARK
         SAVAGE defended the antipodean trend for making sweets out of
         malted-milk drinks [NTK 2000-07-28], claiming that "the
         ballerina's favourite - Malteesers - are just chocolate-coated
         Horlicks powder. Think about it"... PepsiCo-owned Smiths-
         absorbers WALKERS are up to something, with what they claim is
         a new "Spicy" version of MONSTER MUNCH debuting in August,
         plus some sort of legal battle in Ireland (where the Spicy
         flavour apparently originated) with previous MM licensees,
         Tayto, who have continued to manufacture a rival brand called
         "Mighty Munch"... MATT HALL meanwhile describes Golden
         Wonder's response, WOTSITS WAFFLES, as "cheesy powder OD, huge
         maize squares guaranteed to choke anyone under the age of
         fifteen"... as SIMON BRADBURY launches his one-man mission to
         find out what's happened to GOLDEN WONDER'S WORCESTER SAUCE
         WHEAT CRUNCHIES - are they being edged out by these fancy new
         Walker's brands, or perhaps just replaced by GW's own Salt n
         Vinegar Wheat Crunchies? Bradbury considers both possibilities
         "unacceptable"... but product-spotter of the month award goes
         to former face of Cadbury's Creme Eggs MATT LUCAS, who
         "returned from France" with what's believed to be the first
         example, captured in the wild, of a TWIX TOP - "about the
         shape of two Twix sticks side-by-side, but maybe only half as
         tall." Word is that nationwide sampling of these will continue
         through August, with a full "back to school" ad campaign (79p
         for a pack of 6) in September. "It's mainly a bland biscuit,"
         Matt reports, "but has a small amount of chocolate and caramel
         on top. Hence the title." Either that, or it's an allusion to
         "Lager top", to create the impression of a lighter, less
         potent variant of Twix: Classic...


                                >> SMALL PRINT <<

       Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
         happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
       on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
     nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
                 "*that's* how much an 'Unsub' request hurts us"
              http://www.weld18.demon.co.uk/fiction/snatcher.htm

                                 NEED TO KNOW
            THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK.
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