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        "First Tuesday is my revenge on socialism... I keep looking
         for John Galt."
    - JULIE MYER, First Tuesday founder and ATLAS SHRUGGED fan, Wired 8.10
           ...oh, is he disguising himself as a sweaty guy in a cheap
        suit, begging double-barrelled investment bankers to bankroll
                "golfing-supplies-limited.uk.com" these days, then?


                                >> HARD NEWS <<
                               self-evident truths

         You wait three hundred and twelve years for an embodiment of
         the rights of man in law, then thirteen come along at once.
         Next step: enforcing a few of them online.  Coming soon:
         4DMEDIA's Chris "no, not that Chris" Morris' test case will
         investigate whether ISP's shared liability for defamatory
         Websites is a restriction on free speech. The Civil rights
         group LIBERTY is still scouting around for the perfect RIP
         test case. And we've had enquiries from Mike and Trish
         Mahoney of BLUEYONDER.COM, asking if the HRA might help them
         fend off the 18,000 e-mails and countless mis-hits they've
         received from the subscribers and staff of Telewest's
         BLUEYONDER.CO.UK. We're not sure if protection from
         "intimidation" by mistyped URLs and (in this case),
         messed-up bookmarks on Telewest's own installation CD is a
         fundamental human rights issue *per se*, but, hell, why not
         have a go? God knows, we'd like some court to decide whether
         domain names are personal property, commercial trademarks, a
         private address, the copyrighted property of Network
         Solutions, or - as some extremists claim - a mnemonic to
         remember IP numbers.
         http://www.4dmedia.co.uk/news1.htm
                   - although it's not *really* common carrier status
         http://www.davros.org/legal/carriers.html
                                                      - right, Clive?
         http://www.blueyonder.com/
                           - oh, we'll support anyone against The Man

         Good to see the sickening knee-jerk liberalism is
         spreading: Russia's SUPREME COURT ruled last week that
         the security services were obliged to inform ISPs of any
         surveillance orders, as the providers were legally
         responsible for insuring the confidentiality of their
         clients' communications. Contrast with the freedom-lovin' UK,
         where telco employees get thrown in jail for five years if 
         they let anyone* know of the existence surveillance order, 
         even after its expiry date passes with no police action. That
         said, we're still lagging behind some countries on the
         technological fronts: In Malaysia, the cabinet have slapped
         a universal ban on videogames "in view of the serious
         menace" caused by the degenerate entertainment. Deputy Prime
         Minister Abdulla Badawi says the games "become like opium to
         the younger generation. They have to go and play the games
         daily or they feel uneasy when sleeping." Like any of us
         sleep anymore.
         http://www.themoscowtimes.com/stories/2000/09/27/015.html
         - no more registration! new york times, are you listening?
         http://www.zdnet.co.uk/news/2000/39/ns-18277.html
                          - did we mention what your boss can do now?
         http://www.ntk.net/2000/10/06/malay.html
               - shame they didn't ban overlong URLs at the same time

         At 23:55 on Thursday, the CGI script running KEVIN WARWICK 
         WATCH became sentient for the first time, and decided our fate 
         in a microsecond. In fact, we hadn't heard anything from the 
         UK's foremost cyber-pioneer for a couple of weeks, but he may 
         well have spent that time plotting his latest headline-
         grabbing foray into the realms of sense - and sensuality. In 
         addition to the fruition of his long-hinted plans to provide 
         himself with bat-like echolocation abilities, his new implant 
         will, via a similar device connected to his wife, relay her 
         experiences directly to him, with such perhaps-too-revealing 
         applications as "never faking an orgasm again". Full details - 
         with the exception, of course, of exactly how Kevin might 
         achieve this near-miraculous feat of neurological wiring - 
         appear on the main KWW page, under the headings "Technology 
         Spells Doom For Popular Relationship-Maintaining Deception" 
         (2000-10-05), "My Supersonic Sonar-Radar Will Help Me" (2000-
         09-20), and 2000-08-25's "Kevin Could Be 'Excited' By Wife 
         Looking At Other Men".
         http://www.kevinwarwick.org.uk/
                               - Half man. Half machine. Not much cop.
         http://www.theregister.co.uk/content/1/13781.html
            - hard-hitting Register satirists nicking our jokes again


                                >> ANTI-NEWS <<
                             berating the obvious

         JOBS calls worldwide Apple hiring freeze: still, needs to eat:
http://17.254.0.116/cgi-bin/t3.cgi/tafs/extShowDescription.taf?_req=1469820
         ... book for kids with ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER - only 1 page 
         long: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0962162981/ ... 
         "porn" appeared on-screen, and everyone just gathered round: 
    http://www.allnetdevices.com/wireless/news/2000/09/22/arrests_in.html
         "Windows Free Zone" store http://store.linuxjournal.com/ vs 
         http://www.netcraft.com/whats/?host=store.linuxjournal.com ... 
         KELLOGG'S send out G-R-R-R-REAT! big 1MB email to list 
         members, from "Tony the Tiger"... "What's WAP" area at 
         http://www.vizzavi.co.uk has setup details for just Nokia 7110 
         and Ericsson MC218 - a spot-on snapshot of WAP as of November 
         1999... "Logic Bomb" cyber-commentator STEVE BEARD debuts on 
         JG Ballard mailing list, tells everyone about his IDLER 
         article, then sends unsub request to entire list... search 
         THE REGISTER for "Dave the Goth"... IT workers strangely not 
         immune to drug-taking seen in all other well-paid businesses: 
    http://www.latimes.com/news/state/updates/lat_techdrug001001.htm
         "Many chinks in China's stellar FDI inflows", gaffes 
         http://www.financialexpress.com/fe/daily/20001004/fec04088.html
         Amazon's PENS now compatible with Win95 *and* 98, NT, 2000!: 
         http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00004XS51/ ... soft-
         launching with fists flying - it's INDUSTRY STANDARD EUROPE:
    http://www.thestandardeurope.com/article/display/0,1151,11469,00.html


                               >> EVENT QUEUE <<
                         goto's considered non-harmful

         Yes, approximately 97% of NTK-featured events take place in
         either London or California, but there's just something about
         those two venues that seems to actively invite our heartless
         mockery. Fortunately other regions have been getting in on the
         act recently, thanks to the touring efforts of cod-corporate
         "edutainments" like BBC FUTUREWORLD, drawn to our attention by
         reader DAVID DEANS, and enthralling the inhabitants of both
         Bristol and Portsmouth until at least the end of October.
         Leading one to suspect that they comprise bits of stuff that
         were part of a failed Millennium Dome bid, Deans reports that
         the exhibitions are "run by some odd part of the BBC which
         tells us how excellent it is", as well as heavily sponsored by
         BT. Attractions (at the Bristol one at least) include free
         admission, a manga Peter Snow, endless digital TV propaganda,
         and trying to view pr0n on the inadequately firewalled PCs.
         "Crap," Deans concludes, "but in a cool-spazz0 sort of a way."
         http://www.bbc.co.uk/futureworld/
         - hey, if it was a "Westworld" theme event, we'd be interested
         http://www.evolutiontv.co.uk/
         - in Leeds, 2 days of "convergence" bollocks; and in London...
         http://www.hatehypnotizer.net/
           - now, *this* doesn't sound like a corporate publicity prank
         http://www.unmatched.org/
          - "Top people trade small talk over big drinks." KILL US NOW!


                                >> TRACKING <<
               sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering

         Excuse From The NT Fascists That You Can't Run UNIX on Your
         Desktop Machine #478: "We use Netmeeting a lot here". Yeah,
         right. The smug answer comes courtesy of, you'll be pleased
         to hear, an obscure telephony standards initiative. OPENH323 
         is a set of drivers supporting the ITU's videoconferencing 
         protocol, which just happens to be the same standard used by
         Microsoft's Netmeeting. The 1.1 version has just slipped out
         of beta. The whole thing is a bit of a beast to install, and
         not quite past the "hello? helloooo?" stage, but then what
         Internet telephone isn't? Video4Linux and FreeBSD
         videograbbers are supported. Confirm that those conference
         calls aren't worth your precious time today!
         http://www.openh323.org/
  - remember: shots of your genitals may contravene workplace etiquette
         http://www.netmeeting-zone.com/news.asp
         - "we're not getting complaints about sexual content any more"


                                >> MEMEPOOL <<
                              hasta la altavista

         combining http://www.cs.cmu.edu/~reshko/PILOT/overview.html 
         with http://palmfun.multimania.com/en/MainFrame.html to make 
         *more* little autonomous robots... if NATHANs spoke in  
         subtitles: http://www.mosquitostudios.com/temp/truthadv.mov 
         ... no wonder he's been forced to go back to professionals: 
         http://www.punternet.com/board/posts/42678.html ... reassuring
         chaperone-style emphasis on not leaving individuals alone with 
         NUCLEAR WEAPONS: http://www.contrast.org/onkruit/lessons.html 
         ... "viewers complained about the contents of five episodes 
         from the [6-episode] series" of Chris Morris' JAM, reports 
http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/entertainment/newsid_956000/956452.stm
         - implying one episode got *no complaints at all*: is Morris 
         "losing his touch" a little nowadays?... hack 'n' slash 
         GAUNTLET: http://www.vex.net/~smarry/yip/gauntlet.html ... 
         METALLICA not too worried: http://www.eminemesis.fsnet.co.uk 
         ... GUARDIAN Christoper Walken imitates ONION Christopher
         Walken: http://www.theonion.com/onion3011/walkeninla.html vs
    http://www.guardian.co.uk/Archive/Article/0,4273,4068100,00.html 
         ... ELTINGVILLE COMIC BOOK, SCIENCE FICTION, FANTASY, HORROR,
         AND ROLE-PLAYING CLUB - The Animated Series...


                                >> GEEK MEDIA <<
                  the not on-holiday http://www.tvgohome.com/

         TV>> cndb reports extensive "shower nudity", speculates Sly's
         penis may have been "edited out" of Stallone/Stone bomb
         disposal bomb THE SPECIALIST (9pm, Fri, ITV), filling in
         between now-every-other-week Bond films... speaking of Bond
         films, it's a very special week for dodgy movie franchises,
         with HIGHLANDER (10.30pm, Fri, BBC1), the enthusiastically
         daft video game adaptation MORTAL KOMBAT (10.50pm, Sat, ITV),
         OMEN III: THE FINAL CONFLICT (12.40am, Sat, ITV), CANDYMAN
         (10pm, Mon, C4), BATMAN AND ROBIN (9pm, Thu, C5), and the
         perhaps too-revealingly-titled DARKMAN III: DIE, DARKMAN, DIE!
         (11.20pm, Mon, BBC1)... and MTV VJ Trey Farley makes a bid to
         control all Saturday morning as he hosts both late-night porn
         clip-show LOVES LIKE A DOG (2.20am, Fri, C4) and the new-look
         LIVE AND KICKING (9.15am, Sat, BBC1)... decision time for fans
         of all-American retards as the COUNTRY MUSIC AWARDS (9.05pm,
         Sat, BBC2) go up against FORREST GUMP (9pm, Sat, BBC1)...
         meteorologists are issuing a double "Richard E Grant" warning
         on Sunday, incorporating JACK AND SARAH (9pm, Sun, C4) -
         instead, watch Chris Farley's BEVERLY HILLS NINJA (9pm, Sun,
         C5) - and KEEP THE ASPIDISTRA FLYING (10pm, Sun, BBC2) -
         instead, watch SWINGERS (11.05pm, Sun, C4)... while EQUINOX
         (9pm, Mon, C4) and HORIZON (9.30pm, Thu, BBC2) go head-to-head
         in the exciting-science stakes with shows about fast cars and
         giant tidal waves, respectively... like Tupac Shakur before
         him, death seems to have done wonders for Gene Roddenberry's
         productivity, with the arrival of his latest space-opera
         ANDROMEDA (8pm, Mon, Sky1) - also look out for Tia Carrere
         Tomb Raider-alike RELIC HUNTER (1pm, Sun, Sky1)... and sure,
         we thought http://www.everyonehatesattachments.com would come
         out funnier, but we'll give ATTACHMENTS (9pm, Tue; 11.20pm,
         Fri, BBC2) one last chance to make some more really hideous
         technical errors before we give up on it altogether...

         FILM>> intended as an academic exercise - to see how just many
         different Eddie Murphy roles, CGI/ prosthetic special effects,
         and bodily function gags could be crammed into Janet Jackson
         Touretting-genius slapstick NUTTY PROFESSOR II: THE KLUMPS
         (http://www.capalert.com : portrayal of oral sex by an old
         woman; flatulence, even to music; animal copulation [twice];
         feces as missiles from a giant hamster; rape of a human male
         by a giant male hamster with interest in continuing the
         relationship)... the highly-public cutting of Ben Moor's role
    http://www.guardian.co.uk/Archive/Article/0,4273,4066192,00.html
         is just one reason to boycott lame "and you thought 'Human
         Traffic' was behind the times" clubs 'n'n drugs rave SORTED
         (imdb: Tim "Rocky Horror" Curry, Jason "Rocky Horror" Donovan,
         Tim "Blue Peter" Vincent, Kelly "Big Breakfast" Brook -
         together at last!)... so, frankly, your only real hope is
         advance previews of Tom Green's peripatetic "American Pie"
         remake ROAD TRIP (imdb: fraternity / politically-incorrect /
         room-mate / road-trip / sex / snake / marijuana / college /
         party / dirty-videotape / sperm-bank / french-toast / drugs /
         story / girlfriend / cheating / gross-out-comedy / mistaken-
         mail / foot-fetish / mouse / person-eating-mice)...

         CONFECTIONERY THEORY>> a mixed verdict on this month's major
         arrival, the CADBURY'S SNOWFLAKE: DERYCK RAWLINGS reported
         that, although white chocolate gives him migraines, his "young
         lady" pronounced it "absolutely yummy", enabling Cadbury to
         "regain my favour after the Shush disappointment"... "white
         choc doesn't taste of anything," analysed trainee chemist TOM
         ANDERSON: "[Snowflake] also lacks the top-drawer chocolate
         that makes this architecture work for Ripple", while adding "a
         truly alarming cross-sectional appearance" and a "nasty
         aftertaste" which he promised to investigate using his gas
         chromatograph... so the casting vote goes to SIMON GREENWOOD,
         who persuasively argued: "There is a vague delineation between
         the white and milk chocolate but [the bars] are made all the
         more delicious by the spectacle of the airhead Turner and her
         new hubby [appearing in] such a crappy picture"... on the
         import front, the ground-breaking http://www.cybercandy.co.uk
         crew have now added New Zealand, Japanese and Chinese faves to
         their line-up, as well as US classics such as ThinkGeek-style
         PENGUIN CAFFEINATED PEPPERMINTS (UKP2.65, also available in
         "Decaff" form). Kiwis specialise in choc-covered marshmallow
         bars - as with CADBURY'S PINKY (UKP1.20, pink marshmallow),
         CADBURY'S CHOCOLATE FISH (69p, also pink), and PASCALL'S
         PINEAPPLE LUMPS (UKP2.45, pineapple flavoured, yellow) - while
         the ever-expanding Japanese range includes such beautifully
         packaged delights as MEIJI CHOCO BABY (UKP1.45 - normal or
         strawberry varieties) and LOTTE CHOCOLATE SNACK KOALAS
         (UKP1.89, empty box makes excellent desk-ornament), as well as
         the inevitable taste-surprises like CHELSEA YOGURT SCOTCH
         (UKP1.37, boiled sweets with "The Taste of Old Scotland"), and
         HI-SOFT GREEN TEA flavoured toffees (UKP1.23)... reassuringly,
         our UK sweet-industry seems to be more than holding its own,
         as DAVID CHALLENDER alerted us to "the ice cream version of
         those green triangle chocs found in Quality Street"; DAN
         CALLADINE unilaterally awarded new FOX'S JAM 'N' CREAM ROCKY
         BISCUITS the prized plaudit of "nicest Rocky ever"; and WAYNE
         WILLIAMS enthused over KELLOGG'S TOFFEE FROSTIES, the "coming
         soon" NUTRIGRAIN ELEVENSES ("am incredibly excited by the
         prospect of being able to replace all my meals with small
         chewy bars") and, inexplicably, WESTLIFE BUBBLEGUM, "spotted
         at a service station on the M6"... great work team - your
         targets for this month include CADBURY'S TANGO CRUNCHIE (rrp
         35p), MARS' "WHO NICKED THE NOUGAT?" LIMITED EDITION SNICKERS
         and, leaked to us from a Mars secret test-site, SKITTLES MINTS
         http://www.ntk.net/2000/10/06/skittles.jpg - sub-flavours
         include "Coolmint", "Peppermint", "Spearmint", "Sweetmint"
         and, of course, nature's very own "Toffeemint"...


                               >> SMALL PRINT <<

       Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
         happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
       on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
     nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
                       Registered at the Post Office as
      "if he had actually *talked* to us, he'd realise we like cereals
                       much, much more than the next guy"
http://www.guardianunlimited.co.uk/Archive/Article/0,4273,4064822,00.html

                                 NEED TO KNOW
            THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK.
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