_ _ _____ _ __ <*the* weekly high-tech sarcastic update for the uk>
| \ | |_ _| |/ / _ __ __2000-05-19_ o join! mail an empty message to
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you were going to do in the first place and change
- STEVE JOBS
...or have them sacked and erased from the record, anyway
>> HARD NEWS <<
hitting the boos
If you gaze for long into the abyss, right, then doesn't the
abyss gaze also into you, yeah? So spake the critics of the
ORBS spam database, who have often suggested that the ORBS's
vigilante techniques for tracking down open mail relays (by
scanning the smtp ports of remote machines, and putting them
on a public blacklist - not only if they do relay, but also
if they refuse to be scanned) is as bad an abuse of Net
trust as the spammers themselves. That's certainly what the
above.net sysadmins felt when they decided to block access
to ORBS to and from their network following a rude probing.
But now it looks like AboveNet have become more than a
little thuggish themselves. In the last few weeks, above.net
have been externally advertising their own unique route to
the ORBS machines: a route that leads straight into a black
hole. That means that not only can above.net customers not
see the New Zealand site, but anyone who transits with
above.net also loses access. Which, by a quirk of LINX's
peering arrangements, includes all of JANET. No, JANET's not
happy: and there's even been mutterings of a threatened suit
against above.net for computer abuse. Maybe the first person
to complain to would be Paul Vixie, Senior VP at AboveNet's
parent company, Metromedia. He should be sympathetic: after
all, in his copious spare time he runs the other spam
blackholing service, RBL: maybe he should look into this
- more irony: the Vienna Internet Exchange (VIX) affected too
- "unique methods"
Thanks to everyone who didn't e-mail us over the last year
to falco BOO.COM. Everyone else: no shit, Sherlocks. And we
know that we should be revelling in those rumours of
corporate excess, the Flash-driven horrors spooned out of
Organic's arse into gaping mouths of usability experts the
globe over, the vision of Miss Boo being dragged in
chains through the streets of London. But sod it, kids:
there but for the grace of God go all of us in six months. And
maybe it's time you looked your boardroom pals that talk so
confidently of their plans at your startup, and wonder
whether they'd take as much care of you when the whole
thing takes off like a concrete rowing-boat. As it will. Oh
yes. For the bell, it tolls for boo. I mean you.
- ahh. you weren't expecting that were you? ahhh.
- others tho
- are not so
Our exciting dollar dollar dollar loyalty scheme (which
involved dumb introductory offers and simple odds at William
Hill's site) seems to be paying off. Listen to these
unsolicited testimonials: "Cheers! I'm 91UKP up" - James
Answer (his satisfying real name); "Ker-ching! 22.50UKP
better off! Nice one" - "supernoodle" (probably not his).
Writes James Kew: "Similar but more generous offer at
www.victorchandler.com: 25UKP of your own money, free 40UKP
bet. Same tactics: 25UKP on the outsider, 40UKP on the
favourite". And Tim Aidley does your work for you when he
reports "William Hill has different cashback values for
different currencies - some worth more than the 50UKP you
get with sterling. With the help of Yahoo's currency
convertot, I worked out that you get a maximum cashback with
150 canadian dollars - about 67UKP. Increase your winnings
by 34%". Nice!
- hurry, while meme is still propagating
- no purchase necessary
>> ANTI-NEWS <<
berating the obvious
all of www.nine.com's lives gone ... POSTSCRIPT suicide note
posted to alt.gothic, comp.fonts ... "is it because I is
black?" http://www.ntk.net/2000/05/19/dohrapist.jpg ... AV's
ultra-thin raging.com "does not support text only browsers"
... GUARDIAN (2000-05-15, p5) recommends leaving a list of
computer passwords on a Post-It for your temp ... BT not too
happy about http://www.dna.uklinux.net/bti/letter/ ... *bad*
website: http://www.ntk.net/2000/05/19/dohinetworld.jpg ...
and when oh when will the public tire of - oh, go on then:
http://www.nerdsrus.com/billboard/ ... Boss! It is working!:
http://www.cisco.com/test/mike-april24.html ... more stoic
professionalism at: http://www.pricejam.co.uk/java/java.html ...
lame Brit comedy site http://www.smeg.co.uk/news5.htm imitates
ONION: http://www.theonion.com/onion3604/sucking_my_cock.html ...
looks a bit suspicious ... "Attractive IRC-using
Quake-playing girl almost completely artificial":
vs http://www.playboy.com/digital/feature/steviecase/ ...
>> EVENT QUEUE <<
goto's considered non-harmful
OK, so Oxford University won't let you hyperlink to DeCSS
(full story at http://cryptome.org/ox-chill.htm ), but they're
happy to welcome the (potential) harbinger of humanity's
future extermination, KEVIN "THE CYBERNATOR" WARWICK, who
continues touring his "Will it be Super Intelligent Machines
or Cyborgs?" show around potential hotbeds of mechanoid
uprising. "This time, OU AI society have been subverted,"
writes OPERATIVE TOM (5.30pm, Mon 2000-05-22), "This may be my
last transmission as an organic life-form."
- yeah, KevinWarwickWatch needs updating, but whenever we try
and automate it, things go mysteriously wrong...
- for those that survive: a resistance movement
>> TRACKING <<
sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering
They're going to get you eventually, UNIX boy. You keep
teasing the NT weenies long enough about these ILOVEYOU
viruses, and they're going to brew up some mother of a MUA
buffer overflow, and then who you gonna blame? Certainly not
ANONY MAIL, Bjarni R. Einarsson's script to filter out any
dangerous looking HTML or MIME attachments received by your
machine. Okay, so it's in Perl, making it unsuitable for
heavy mail flow. But that does mean that you can stick in
your own quick fixes for any novel weirdnesses, and tweak it
to fit your own paranoia. And thanks to its own one-pass
MIME parser, it's not too heavy on the cycles. Unlike
STRIPMIME, which is a slow, resource heavy monster for
people who want any attachments automatically stripped and
saved before their email gets to the mailbox. Great for
anyone wishing a slim text only mbox to archive, hates
having their POP or IMAP session sabotaged by huge
attachments, and likes code hacked up in a hurry last week
by bored newsletter writers after a string of monster DOH
images. Please improve on it, and send your sarky coding
critiques to the usual address. And remember: always
try beta mail tools out on somebody else's account first.
- probably best used in conjunction
- not that i've tested that (or anything)
>> MEMEPOOL <<
hasta la altavista
strong contender for Worst Web Site of the Millennium award:
http://www.bridges2000.com ... WINE v1.0? ... voice-
activated STAR TREK Game: conSPIRacy.. to.. make..
everyone.. talk.. like.. Kirk ... if ILOVEYOU's spyder had
not hate go school: http://lcamtuf.na.export.pl/worm.txt ...
saveiridium.com needs website, 10 million dollars ... so
it's a pun- shoot us: http://us.imdb.com/Business?0131658
meanwhile, back in the Gernsback continuum:
usual suspects rise to the MP3 Rebellion:
... launching our new unsubscription drive:
http://www.freakfarm.com/retardedadvice.htm ... "It looks
like you're trying to 0wn this box. Would you like help?" -
http://www.conservativecafe.com/ vs http://lordco.virtualave.net/ >> GEEK MEDIA <<
the less rude http://www.tvgohome.com/ TV>> Steven "Cop Show" Bochco's franchise runs out of towns in
the debut double-bill of a more lighthearted version of NYPD
Blue, BROOKLYN SOUTH (12.05am, Fri, BBC2) - though wait till
you see Tom "Homicide: Life On The Street" Fontana's new "The
Beat"... in accordance with prophecy, series 1 of BLAKE'S
SEVEN (12.20pm, Sat, BBC1) trails off with the retrieval of
camp perspex supercomputer Orac... plus a chance to catch Wes
"Rushmore" Anderson's typically quirky first feature BOTTLE
ROCKET (2.35am, Sat, C4)... some sort of weird mid-range
Jackie Chan season skips from pseudo-Indiana Jones OPERATION
CONDOR: THE ARMOUR OF GOD II (1am, Sat, BBC2) to RUMBLE IN THE
BRONX (9.55pm, Sun, BBC2)... that "dislike of the unfamiliar"
riff is taken perhaps too far in two profiles of autistic kids
on consecutive days - TITO'S STORY (10.20pm, Sun, BBC1) plus
TRUE STORIES: RAISING ALEXANDER (9pm, Mon, C4)... and, in the
two years since it was last shown, we've devised the following
"just for fun" audio contest to accompany old-fashioned Emilio
Estevez/ Rene Russo/ Anthony Hopkins/ Mick Jagger sci-fi
FREEJACK (11.35pm, Mon, BBC1) - sample all the lines about
evil arch-villain "McCandless", then mix them in with the
loops from http://www.wakeywakey.com/wakey/loops.htm (c'mon
Pemberton, it could be just the thing to bring you guys back
together)... slightly edgy stalker-comedy ADDICTED TO LOVE
(9pm, Mon, C5) is, indeed, loosely based around the Robert
Palmer song of the same name (though not, disappointingly, the
video)... reader Nick Drage leapt to the defence of Michael
Moore's THE AWFUL TRUTH (11.35pm, Tue, C4), proclaiming it
"more acidic" and "100% stand up free"... MISSILEERS (9.30pm,
Thu, BBC2) looks at the real-life ICBM silo crews like at the
start of WarGames... and hopefully opening the floodgates for
a host of new shows like "Academic Conferences Uncovered" and
"World's Most Rigorous Theoreticians" comes promisingly titled
DIY castaway lash-up ROUGH SCIENCE (7.30pm, Fri, BBC2)...
FILM>> members of the "Dawson's Creek" cast come up against
their most terrifying adversary yet - Death itself (and in the
form of minor household accidents!), in ex-X-Files staffers'
engagingly daft teen checklist-killer FINAL DESTINATION
(http://www.capalert.com/capreports/ : unnecessary roughness
by a lawman; reckless driving and endangerment, including as
justification for nihilistic beliefs; loss of wholesome
submission of youth to fair and to righteous authority; there
sure seems to be a lot of teenagers dying in movies nowadays)
- though, by the end, you (and the film-makers) risk major
twist-fatigue... basically the same plot, but aimed at the
arthouse end of the market, graces Kirsten Dunst's Air-scored
dark comedy THE VIRGIN SUICIDES (http://www.bbfc.co.uk :
passed '15' for suicide theme and some moments of horror)...
though neither as suicide-inducing as death-free teen romance
DOWN TO YOU (http://www.capalert.com/capreports/ : piercing of
male nipples; self touching while dancing; a wreck after drunk
driving was funny; an obviously nude late teen boy-girl pair
snuggling in bed together are engaged in an activity not
appropriate outside a real monogamous heterosexual marriage) -
with marketing largely targetted at fans of Freddie Prinze
Jr's previous "She's All That", ignoring his excellent work in
the straight-to-video movie version of "Wing Commander"...
otherwise it's Matthew "Friends" Perry and Bruce "Vest" Willis
- together at last! - in execrable assassination comedy THE
WHOLE NINE YARDS (imdb: canada / nude-with-a-gun / nudity /
mafia / montreal / niagra-falls / police / suburbia / adultery
/ vomit / dentist / hitman / funny-accent)... or Brit-made
suburban dope-com SAVING GRACE (http://www.bbfc.co.uk : passed
'15' for drug use and strong language) which, despite an
interesting cast - Ken Campbell, Bill Bailey, Tcheky "Wing
Commander" Karyo - looks a little bit "Lottery-funded", if you
know what we mean...
>> SMALL PRINT <<
Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
Registered at the Post Office as
"Valkommen till Umea naturvetar- och teknologkar!"
NEED TO KNOW
THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK.
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