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         "[it is] sickening to know that our art is being traded like
         a commodity rather than the art that it is."
- LARS ULRICH, Metallica drummer, announcing their suit against Napster
            ...next: sue those philistines that sell it for hard cash


                                >> HARD NEWS <<
                             oh, to be in their shoes 

         In these days of plunging markets, it's hard to pinpoint
         just one story that illustrates our own holding position:
         that Net stocks are a device to transfer money from the
         innocent to the guilty. But the tale of QXL's NASDAQ price
         in the last week will do. Start from last Thursday, when SG Cowen
         analyst Tom Bock announced that QXL was a "strong buy", and
         predicted its eventual rise to a $333 stock value. Why?
         Because - well, heck, they're the European Ebay, right, and
         Europe's bigger than the US - so any minute now they'll get
         an Ebay-like valuation. That call was based on some
         interesting assumptions - that EBay hasn't made in-roads
         into Europe, and that there are no other European
         auctioneers of note. It took us ten minutes to spot another
         five or so major auction sites in Germany (one of QXL's
         longest established turfs) just by browsing yahoo.de. And
         running a "links" count on altavista shows around 280 pages
         pointing to qxl.de - compared to 1800 for ebay.de and 1700
         for ricardo.de, another German auctioneer. Bock's timing was
         particularly cute, given that the "strong buy"
         recommendation came on the same day as a three-way split,
         which has a habit of confusing casual investors into
         thinking that the stock price is unnaturally low. After a
         brief spike to around $110, the stock slumped to close to
         $20 - a ride in which only the little guys got seriously
         hurt. And we're sure it was pure coincidence that the hype
         was days before the end of the six-month lock-in
         of shares by the institutional investors...
         http://www.unlockdates.com/comp/comp_main.cfm?ticker=QXLC
                                          - co-underwriters: SG Cowen 
         
         Crazy give-away time in the wonderful world of VIRGIN's
         Internet experiment. In the US, the company offered this
         week to give away 10,000 WebTVish things in return for
         audience data (you'll remember this ploy from about a year
         ago, when everyone else tried it). In the UK, VIRGIN NET
         gave away their entire design staff to ZEFER, as head
         designer Rik Gadsby and most of his colleagues stepped
         outside for a breath of fresh air... and never... came...
         back. But hold: surely they were all set to become as rich
         as Rich in the real-soon-now Virgin Net IPO?
         http://www.virginconnectme.com/
         - wow. even the hypertext links are imagemaps. thass the future!
 http://www.economist.com/editorial/freeforall/20000408/index_br3024.html 
                  - yeah, yeah, we got your Falco nominations, people

         And so to Infosec 2000, where the exhibitors handed out
         their scaremongery fliers, and tried to shut up the DNS Con
         guys, who found exploits in at least sixteen exhibitor
         websites. K3yn0te Sp33k0r RLoxley seemed very excited by
         the much-rumoured "gathering of the ten", in which a bunch of
         "the planet's greatest hackers" will combine to form a
         company to provide commercial security services
         - or battle Galactus, we're not sure which. But his
         glee was no match for the enthusiasm of the London 2600
         regulars. Approached by a BBC producer keen to do yet
         another hacking documentary, they happily regaled her with
         details of the dark, illegal - and strangely captivating -
         lives they led. The producer stood by, rapt with fascination
         at their elititude. As did the Network Manager of a major
         British Police force, who was standing about ten yards away.
         Looks like the show's already on the road, kids!
         http://www.infosec.org.uk/
                                            - okay, nothing to see...
         http://www.dnscon.org/
                                                            - go home


                                >> ANTI-NEWS << 
                             berating the obvious

         "RSI code" is, presumably, typing out every key by hand:
         http://www.theregister.co.uk/000413-000013.html ... MS aims
         to reverse DOJ ruling, turning time back "Superman"-style:
         http://support.microsoft.com/support/kb/articles/Q131/1/09.asp
         ... "in the wrong hands", warns SHADOW DEFENCE SECRETARY
         http://news.bbc.co.uk/low/english/uk/newsid_711000/711242.stm
         - stolen guns "could be lethal"... will the public *ever*
         tire of seeing WINDOWS crash on large indoor displays:
         http://www.ntk.net/2000/04/14/dohairport.jpg ?... WORD
         "Revision control" on http://www.eurostar.co.uk/cond.doc
         reveals added legislation against toddlers, longbows...
         http://www.ntk.net/2000/04/14/doh550percent.gif - they pay
         you 5 times the price?... MS aims to electrocute cable users:
         http://www.theregister.co.uk/images/adverts/plug.gif ...
         BT announce ADSL "scheduled downtime" between 11.30-12.30 today 
         - at 11.29 ... if any page deserved a 404, it's www.lordlucan.com ...
         Office 97 Professional CD contains large file titled PRON.wav ...
         "Up My Street is fantastic - the guys who created that must be
         pretty amazing" says TOM LOOSEMORE - whois upmystreet.com ?
      http://www.newsunlimited.co.uk/online/story/0,3605,158654,00.html


                               >> EVENT QUEUE << 
                         goto's considered non-harmful

         It's not often that reforming '80s bands pose such profound
         philosophical issues as SIGUE SIGUE SPUTNIK - did we miss
         their notional cyberfuture at some point during the last
         decade, does it still lie ahead, or is it currently taking
         place in a neon-lit arcade in a parallel reality Tokyo?
         Either way, several chances to re-enjoy their quaintly old-
         fashioned futurism (and Giorgio Moroder's thumping techno-
         billy basslines) as SSS play a number of high-profile gigs -
         London's LA2, 2000-04-23 (Easter Sunday); Whitby Festival,
         North Yorkshire 2000-04-29; Sheffield HALLAM University Students
         Union, 2000-06-03 - no doubt prompting headlining quibbles
         along the lines of "Noooo! I said 'Fifth Generation Of Rock
         And Roll' *above* 'Puppet Show'..."
         http://www.sputnikworld.com/
                                   - 1st generation of HTML, as well


                                >> TRACKING <<
               sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering

         What we've been frenetically tracking this week: Last
         Sunday, one of NTK's oldest pals and regular Tracking
         contributor, Yoz Grahame, was admitted into the Royal Free
         hospital intensive care, after a fit. He was diagnosed as
         suffering pressure on the brain, and remained unconscious
         until Thursday. The doctors are still not sure what caused
         the problem (trust Yoz to discover an obscure, white-label
         import virus), but we're pleased to report that he's now
         awake, and seems to be rebooting just fine. Yoz, kid, next
         time use the *scratch monkey brain* for these experimental
         kernels. And get well soon. We love you.
         http://www.ambiguous.org/quinn/yozora.gif
                                                 - in bookstores soon
         
         
                                >> MEMEPOOL << 
                              hasta la altavista

         you do the math: http://www.calculusgirls.com/ ... this week's
         modified sci-fi humour: http://www.quinnarama.com/futurama.htm
         ... you want one, it wants you too - this week's CTHULHU
         merchandising: http://www.tccorp.com/outsider/doll.html ...
         of course, it should actually be "PORTILLO! I choose - YOU!":
         http://www.drinkfromthefurrycup.com/news/51.shtml ... 0-day
         JAMZ: http://web.ukonline.co.uk/chilled/jam.html ... REBOOT vs
         PLAYBOY: http://x46.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=603778658 ... taking
         de-LINTING too far: http://www.feargod.net/fluff.html ...
         caption compo: http://www.nbarker.demon.co.uk/demon.jpg ...
         OFFICE 97 Professional CD contains large file titled PRON.wav
         ... http://www.lordlucan.com/ still missing... and, if this
         takes off, a clarinet with SMS-downloadable ring-tones:
         http://www.vankoevering.com/html/Body_Prod-1950Specs.htm ...
         we heart http://newstrolls.com/ ... http://www.sylloge.com/5k/ ...
         stalk your favourite Web authors at: http://www.byliner.com/ ...
         makes a (dangerous) change from the weird Christian sites: 
         http://www.mosqueclock.com/hard_sell.htm ...


                               >> GEEK MEDIA <<
                                 get out less

         TV>> without wanting to sound too much like the Sally Phillips
         fan page http://www.w2s.net/sally-phillips/ , if only *all*
         female comedians were as attractive as the ones in SMACK THE
         PONY (9.30pm, Fri, C4)... in case you were worried that there
         were *two* Gail Porter-fronted Graham Norton-style wacky web
         round-ups at large, DOTCOMEDY (11.10pm, Fri, C4) was formerly
         known as "That Internet Show" - possibly a homage to "That
         Show With That Guy" (the working title for "Seinfeld"), and
         presumably not changed to tie in with the seemingly unrelated
         domains dotcomedy.co.uk or dotcomedy.com... plus: a tongue-in-
         cheek disaster double-bill with Kevin Bacon big-wormer TREMORS
         (11pm, Fri, BBC1) and pre-Airplane nuclear chuckle THE BIG BUS
         (12.35am, Fri, BBC1)... Saturday night's Paul Verhoeven mini-
         season continues with ROBOCOP (10.20pm, Sat, ITV), described
         by worldly NTK reader Paul Blez as "the most violent film he's
         ever seen"... millennium Illuminati ritual JEAN MICHEL JARRE
         AT THE PYRAMIDS (11.15pm, Sun, BBC1) apparently features "a
         sudden blanket of fog" (fnord)... and Kim "Sex In The City"
         Cattrall dates a guy with a thing for naked shop-window
         dummies in MANNEQUIN (3.30pm, Mon, C5)... it's Arnie week on
         C5 - again - with near-actionless gameshow satire THE RUNNING
         MAN (9pm, Tue, C5) plus Brigitte Nielsen beat-em-up RED SONJA
         (9pm, Thu, C5)... Harry Enfield touts his own teen-
         observational accuracy with REAL KEVINS (9.35pm, Thu, BBC1) -
         none of whom, interestingly, are actually called "Kevin"...
         plus: hacking, biotech, set in 2012, - no chance *at all* of
         FUTURECAST (9pm, Thu, C4) being just more "Killer Net" cyber-
         bollocks...

         FILM>> "Why didn't I just stay at home like last time and play
         with some batteries?" wonders Gary "Apollo 13" Sinise and
         photogenic other astronauts en route to confused 2001 homage
         MISSION TO MARS (http://www.capalert.com/capreports : graphic
         death by rotational ripping apart; excessive cleavage;
         physical attack; teaching of evolution and false origins of
         life) - mostly rubbish but, hey, it's big-screen sci-fi...
         unimaginative film critics consistently trumpet their
         incomprehension of junior object-oriented tutorial POKEMON:
         THE FIRST MOVIE (http://www.capalert.com/capreports : lust for
         power, control, and independence; rampant confrontation with
         finality and with doubtful consequences; sensual drawing of a
         female character, the intent of the viewing angle was clear; ;
         "Circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant"; misguided and
         often absent concern for the "death" of a "living, thinking
         being" - a pokemon) - and they're not referring to the
         replacement of the moody Japanese soundtrack with upbeat teeny
         pop. Team Rocket are hardly in it and don't even do their
         catchphrase, but it's still our pick of the kid flicks... at
         least compared to Disney's ultra-sanitised THE TIGGER MOVIE
         (http://www.capalert.com/capreports : a real family movie;
         only two instances you may want to address one-on-one with
         your kids) or ASTERIX AND OBELIX (imdb: based-on-comic /
         historical / live-action / sequel), of which Time Out seemed
         to genuinely complain that it's been dubbed, rather than in
         the original French with English subtitles... and following
         our success with Esquire's "The Magazine You're [Not]
         Embarrassed To Read On The Tube" campaign [NTK 2000-02-18],
         Aston Villa fans will know exactly which word to block out on
         the poster for Sean Penn, Kristin Scott Thomas lah-di-dah
         romance UP [AT] THE VILLA (http://www.bbfc.co.uk/ : passed
         '12' for moderate sexual references and threat and infrequent
         mild violence)...

         DEAD TREE PUBLISHING>> three words: AMIGA FORMAT - FALCOOOOO!
         Future Publishing's long-running Amiga mag (arguably the
         "Off'al Playstation Magazine" of its day) has published its
         last, with long-standing editor Nick Veitch heading up new
         launch LINUX FORMAT (due Fri 2000-04-28) - all traces of the
         hilariously NT-served http://www.linuxanswers.co.uk/ [see NTKs
         passim] having been mysteriously erased... this being Future,
         no sooner is one struck down than three more spring up in its
         place, the other two being the UK edition of BUSINESS 2.0
         (content 60% sourced from over here, with "the rest from the
         US" - ex-Wired UK staffers, get your CVs in now!)... plus, out
         now, the wildly underpriced MP3 MAGAZINE - only UKP4.99 for
         *98* glossy pages (not quite as many legitimate applications
         as they thought?) Great site http://www.mp3magazine.co.uk/
         too!... on to happier news, with first-time caller KEVIN CECIL
         guest-hosting this month's Covermount Corner, and recommending
         the "very good free CD of Easy Listening Lounge music" on the
         front of LATER, including a "sitar version of 'I Can See For
         Miles'" - either the entire CD, or this track alone, is "well
         worth the UKP3 cover price" - Kevin fails to specify. Plus,
         "The CD is designed to look like a CD that you have bought
         rather than a 'shit magazine one' which seems a major advance
         in free CDdom. The magazine itself is rather poor"... but, for
         once, atrocity of the month goes to EMAP ACTIVE, for their
         staggeringly daft Edge-alike "PS This Publication Is Not
         Authorised Or Approved By Sony. PS2 And Playstation2 Are
         Trademarks Of Sony Computer Entertainment Inc" (UKP3.99) - a
         largely unnecessary disclaimer given that the content is so
         ridiculously pro-PS2 even Sony would be embarrassed to run it.
         Amid the Designers Rupublic [(c) Edge Magazine, May 1999]
         knock-off graphics, shamefully blocky screengrabs, and sub-
         Off'al Dreamcast "fashion shoots", there's even the typically
         on-the-ball opinions of "style journalists" from The Face and
         The Big Issue - the latter disappointingly not providing, in
         counterbalance to all the tedious "Trojan Horse" propaganda
         elsewhere, an analysis of exactly how the Playstation 2 will
         revolutionise digital entertainment possibilities available to
         homeless people...


                               >> SMALL PRINT <<

       Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
         happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
    on Friday afternoon (ha!) or print it out then take it home if you have
     nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
                       Registered at the Post Office as 
              "just biding our time, just hiding that bottle"
             http://bradpettit.editthispage.com/pictures/viewer$51

                                 NEED TO KNOW
            THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK.
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