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    "Celera Genomics, which recently claimed to have finished
     the human genome sequence, inadvertently mixed some human 
     genetic information with that of the fruit fly in a public database."
     http://www.wired.com/news/technology/0,1282,35814,00.html
                      - now wouldn't that be a good idea for a movie?


                                >> HARD NEWS <<
                                icann't refuse

         So who had the worst week? Was it our Lord Jesus? Or was it
         NAPSTER, now caught in crossover court cases with Metallica
         *and* Dr Dre. Good to see someone whose early career was
         marked by a disrespect for authority and heavy reliance on
         sampled works (as well as a love for words ending with "z")
         taking out the Napsters with Attitude. And even better to
         see that, while heavy metal and rap still have artistic
         differences, they can unite under one ne attorney - LA's
         Howard King, who is leading both court cases. And we're sure
         that if the music industy mows Napster, Inc down in a legal
         bloodbath, absolutely no-one will step in to take over the
         server duties in an illegit manner. For that would be wrong.
         http://www.savenapster.com/
     - "don't condone piracy": Some say no to drugs and take a stand,
                  But after the show they go lookin' for the dopeman.
         http://www.paylars.com/
                                                     - s'payback time

         Who can make Network Solutions look like a model of
         efficiency? ICANN! The beginning of the week saw the "at
         large" ICANN membership discover, painfully, that the member
         announce list was open to subscriber posts. "'ICANN ... to
         assume responsibility for the IP address space allocation,
         protocol parameter assignment, domain name system
         management, and root server system management functions' -
         and they've screwed this up, this badly? Jeesh.", one
         subscriber succinctly commented (to about 12,000 others). At
         the same time, NSI was sliding up to the exhausted tangle of
         committees and slipping over a position paper aimed at
         breaking the current ICANN deadlock over those long-awaited
         extra top level domains. NSI's plan includes whittling it
         down to two new TLDs - .shop and .banc. Note the
         euro-friendly feel of ".banc" and NSI's silky insinuation
         that the whinging European sector of ICANN  should host the
         ".shop" servers. Very clever. Very... political. We also
         note that NSI has picked the two domains most likely to be
         favoured by cash-rich corporations (dropping that whole
         pesky ".union" slab), and naturally suggested themselves as
         willing to support the new domains. Good to see NSI taking
         part in an open discussion of the issues. Especially given
         what we hear about NSI's new Premier Partner program, which
         includes a cause forbidding members from saying anything
         disparaging about the company.
         http://www.thestandard.com/article/display/0,1151,14338,00.html?nl=mg
         - oh, so the next ICANN junket is Japan? Can we have Bali next?
         http://members.icann.org/
                                    - larging it with the Dyson posse

         A couple of people mailed asking us about ZD Net UK's story
         claiming that the EU was intent on banning anonymous e-mail.
         Wonder who they were? Anyway, as ever, our investigative
         team sat around until someone else did the research for us.
         Thanks then to Ben "Millennium Winner" Laurie for digging up
         the latest status. Apparently, the European Parliament have
         yay-sayed the ban, and now it's back to the European Council
         to decide what to do with it. File it under "laws which
         won't get implemented by the national governments in a month
         of officially-redefined Sundays". We sincerely hope.
         http://www.ntk.net/anoneu/update.html
                                - at least, we think Ben posted it...
         http://www.zdnet.co.uk/news/2000/14/ns-14710.html
                                - one year from the original story...
         http://www.ntk.net/index.cgi?back=archive99/now0423.txt&line=34#l
                            - and we *still* haven't any clearer idea


                                >> ANTI-NEWS << 
                             berating the obvious

         MS recommends "industrial-strength, quality focused" UNIX:
         http://support.microsoft.com/support/kb/articles/Q80/5/20.ASP ...
         META tags at http://ted.examiner.ie/books/books.htm - Ireland
         in a nutshell... "Surfers in cities with higher household Net
         usage spend more time online", intuits the INDUSTRY STANDARD:
    http://www.thestandard.com/article/display/0,1151,14058,00.html ...
         http://www.htmlsourcekid.co.uk/ uses FRONTPAGE... "The Product
         is not designed, manufactured or intended for use in the
         operation of nuclear facilities, aircraft navigation or
         communication systems, air traffic control, direct life
         support machines, or weapons systems", reveals terms and
         conditions for WINAMP... BT "trailing" ADSL, admits Freudian:
         http://www.btinternet.com/html/v90.html#what_next... BT
         'fesses further: http://www.ntk.net/2000/04/21/dohnumber.gif
         ... MCSWEENEYS.net hijack was, gasp, prank, believes OJR:
         http://ojr.usc.edu/content/story.cfm?request=364 ... hot new
         MS algorithm: http://www.ntk.net/2000/04/21/dohcompression.gif
         ... CONXION/ DAVE WINER love-affair sours before your eyes:
         http://search.userland.com/default?q=conxion ...
         http://shop.bn.com/booksearch/isbnInquiry.asp?isbn=1572316381
         - Green Eggs And SPAM, more like...


                               >> EVENT QUEUE << 
                         goto's considered non-harmful

         Nathan Barleys and Justin Futures alike will be converging at
         - where else? - London's ICA from next Fri 2000-04-28 for the
         imaginatively named ONEDOTZERO4. Billed as a "digital moving
         image festival", in fact it now seems to have settled into a
         traditional annual routine of pop promos, Playstation FMV,
         manga toons, people praising Chris "Aphex Twin videos"
         Cunningham and, as is now believed to be compulsory at these
         sorts of events, a showing of the "Meeting People Is Easy"
         Radiohead film.
         http://www.onedotzero.com/
       - "Nathan Barley" credited on that new dotcomedy show, we note

         Oh, and someone from "Gothtart Promotions" wrote to say that,
         in last week's SIGUE SIGUE SPUTNIK concert details, we should
         have said not Sheffield University, but Sheffield *Hallam*
         University - "I know it's only one word difference but the two
         venues are on opposite sides of the city" (a long way to walk
         in those heels, we imagine). Didn't quibble about the "Fifth
         Generation of Rock And Roll *above* puppet show" jibe, though.
         http://www.sputnikworld.com/
         - anyone going to LA2 on Sunday? Could be "interesting"...


                                >> TRACKING <<
               sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering

         On this day, beloved, we should think of those friends who
         were until recently hammered onto crosses and subjected to
         extended taunting - but who are now back, back, back, shiny
         and new. I'm thinking of QT - the nifty C++ class library
         and former Yoko Ono of open source, now released in a
         transcendental 2.1 form. Updates include a faster HTML
         viewer, an even more Windowsy file dialog, some nice network
         protocol abstraction and a speedier and tighter ship in
         general. The license is okay now from a open source POV, but
         tradition requires that must never develop it with the same
         hand that you have touched a GPL'd program. Oh, and talking
         of untouchable, Andrew Tanenbaum's MINIX OS is now under a
         BSD license. Happy now, Linus?
         http://www.trolltech.com/announce/qt-210.html
         - includes snipes at Motif: these guys really are trolls!
         http://www.gnu.org/philosophy/license-list.html
                 - ah, but what about different spellings of licence?
         http://www.cs.dartmouth.edu/~perrone/oldsite/feud.html
                                                  - lama sabachthani!


                                >> MEMEPOOL <<
                              hasta la altavista

         Where's MUGABE?: http://www.visi.com/~sgrantz/dict_fash/ ...
         proof at last: http://xxx.lanl.gov/abs/physics/0004034 ...
         avoiding kibo-like skills via anagrams: RARELY FORGED DUNCE,
         CAREER FUNDED GLORY, GREEDY FOUL ARC NERD... using GNUTELLA
         Search Monitor as "instant messenger"... forthcoming books:
         hardback "Travels with Samantha", "My Life with the Ars Digita
         Cult"... "Only 20% of internet ideas have been invented",
         estimates http://www.lbird.com/ - remainder derived from
         crashed saucer technology... MTV's TOM GREEN has cancer, Drew
         Barrymore... http://www.pacificnet.net/~jmh/ - must also enjoy
         giant Quicktime audio files (for when embedded MIDI isn't
         romantic enough)... of course, it was Trevor "Buggles" Horn:
         http://www.ietf.org/mail-archive/ietf/Current/msg07156.html
         ...  both the International Monetary Fund (IMF.INT) and
         Mobilization for Global Justice (A16.ORG) go through the
         backbone Internet via Cable & Wireless... only *virtually*
         impossible "for animals to consent to sex with humans" (phew),
         advises: http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/1056.html ...
http://www.guardian.co.uk/international/story/0,3604,211754,00.html -
         barely alive imitate ONION...


                               >> GEEK MEDIA <<
                    the less rude http://www.tvgohome.com/

         TV>> and let's not forget the *real* meaning of Easter: Bank
         Holiday movie bonanza!... Kelsey "Frasier" Grammer's DOWN
         PERISCOPE (6pm, Fri, BBC1) isn't that bad - assuming it's
         not finished already [i don't understand this, dave. it's
         still afternoon in ... oh. oh dear. - danny] ... Madonna
         musical EVITA (8.30pm, Fri, BBC1) doesn't even have a cameo
         from the performer behind the definitive stage
         interpretation of the role, David Essex... and Fish Called
         Wanda followup FIERCE CREATURES (9pm, Fri, ITV) would be
         more amusing if the entire cast were torn apart by Mack
         trucks, as in Rutger Hauer's THE HITCHER (9pm, Fri, C5)...
         "Live And Kicking" seems to have been ditched in favour of
         something called FULLY BOOKED INTERACTIVE (8.45am, Sat,
         BBC1) - hey, it's no "Wonky Donkey"... the TOP TEN COMEDY
         RECORDS (9.15pm, Sat, C4) should be far less annoying than
         Tim Burton's gag-free ID4 spoof MARS ATTACKS (10.15pm, Sat,
         ITV) - more laughs, albeit unintentional ones, in
         recut-from-TV-show [BATTLESTAR] GALACTICA DISCOVERS EARTH
         (4.40pm, Sun, C5)... while FUTURECAST (9pm, Sun, C4) has
         some good ideas - among the terrible sub-Max Headroom sets
         and acting... now grown up, Jenny Agutter sees her kids
         cursed to relive the terrors of her own childhood in remade
         THE RAILWAY CHILDREN (8pm, Sun, ITV)... Samuel L Jackson's
         FRESH (12midnight, Mon, C4) easily checkmates all other
         ghetto-chess movies... most confused title-pun of the year
         comes from DESPERATELY SEEKING EUTOPIA (11.20pm, Tue,
         BBC2)... and, while ALISTAIR MCGOWAN'S BIG IMPRESSION (10pm,
         Wed & Thu, BBC1) is indeed a subtly observed improvement on
         satirical '60s throwback Rory Bremner, does that in itself
         justify it being on twice a week?...

         FILM>> word is that we get the *uncut*, 3-way sex scene
         version of heavy-handed '80s satire serial-killer chick-flick
         AMERICAN PSYCHO (http://www.bbfc.co.uk: Passed '18' for strong
         sex, violence, language and some drug-taking) - the fifth in
         the ongoing series of "American" movies, picking up the story
         where "Graffiti", "History X", "Pie", and "Beauty" left off.
         Phil Collins and Huey Lewis tracks are in the film, but sadly
         not the soundtrack album... Tim Robbins' rent-paying role in
         last week's "Mission To Mars" ("Where's Woody?" "He - didn't
         make it") presumably partly funded his right-on Orson Welles
         "let's do the show right here" theatrical historo-pic CRADLE
         WILL ROCK (http://www.capalert.com : arrogance against a
         father; argumentation; implied intercourse; intercourse with
         nudity; no idea what the plot was, if any) - a slightly
         incongruous sequel to evil-nanny thriller "The Hand That Rocks
         The Cradle"... bickering with your spouse of 15 years? Then
         it's unclear whether you should or shouldn't take them to
         ailing "Spinal Tap" director Rob Reiner's extended arguing-
         divorcees Bruce Willis/ Michelle Pfeiffer "comedy" THE STORY 
         OF US (http://www.capalert.com : violent displays; "Does God
         exist?"; belittlement of marriage; necking in underwear; sex  
         talk with explicit descriptives and adulterous activities 
         provided teasings of the lower levels of AH Maslow's hierarchy
         of needs)... otherwise it's one-joke kiddie nonsense like
         KEVIN AND PERRY GO LARGE (http://www.bbfc.co.uk : Passed '15' 
         for frequent, moderate sexual references and infrequent strong
         language)... Chevy Chase's SNOW DAY (http://www.capalert.com :
         "Kiss my [backside]"; urine-soaked snowball; disguised foul
         word; gratuitous flatulence; organized child aggression
         against adult authority; suggestive picture; ghosting of
         female anatomy through clothing; clear theme of trying to make
         any adult look like a buffoon; no noted issues of cult/
         occultism or other issues of great offense to God)... or, a
         record-breaking attempt that never seemed to make it onto the
         Roy Castle/ Norris McWhirter/ Cheryl Baker TV show - the 
         world's biggest gang-bang, as documented in SEX: THE ANNABEL
         CHONG STORY (http://www.bbfc.co.uk : Passed '18' for strong
         sexual themes and sex), though of course the 251-man record
         has long been surpassed by such dedicated attempts as
         http://www.houston500.com ...

         FEEBDACK>> "You fixed all the typos in the netmarket message,"
         accused ever-vigilant NTK enforcer LLOYD WOOD, referring to 
         the opening "practical memetics" quote in NTK 2000-04-07. "Not
         on - what is (sic) for?" Well, Lloyd, it might be handy if, 
         say, the author, SALIM FADHLEY (of mindless.com), chose to
         contact us again, along the lines of "What a shock to see
         myself featured in the 'silly idiot' bit of NTK... I better be
         more carefull (sic) where I hyperbolate (sic) in future, I had
         no idea that such distinguised (sic) eyes would be reading my
         partially thaught out (sic) comments!" Happy now?... in other
         news, DAVID QUANTICK and pals finally caved to the demands of
         heroin users without the Quicktime plugin, and have encoded
         their "Junkies" smack-com [NTK 2000-03-31] in Real Player as
         well: http://www.dred.demon.co.uk/junkies/thejunkiespilot.rm
         ... while ANDY COX complained that he was unable to find the
         large "pron.wav" file on his copy of Office 97 Professional
         [NTK 2000-04-14], though he did find a 72 meg "pron.vox" - and
         now, perhaps understandably, wants to know "What's it for?"...
         last week's dead-tree round-up contained a couple of omissions
         (if you see what we mean), at least according to LEE MAGUIRE,
         who has "seen but not bought" CLICK IT!, the "family internet
         magazine" - "Doubtless it has an editorial along the lines of
         'an internet magazine not targetted at anorak-wearing speccy
         geeks'," he rages, "but when has there *ever* been a UK
         internet magazine targetted at anorak-wearing speccy geeks?" -
         while ADRIAN MOULDER had news of yet-unseen launch MEN'S QUEST
         (UKP2.45), edited by Angus Kennedy (Angus "Rough Guide To The
         Internet" Kennedy?), and covering, Adrian believes, "health,
         travel, books, and fatherhood", rather than being, say, "a
         'Forum'-style spin-off of the 'Mayfair' letters page"... but,
         as ever, it was NTK 2000-04-07's Confectionery Corner that
         prompted the largest postbag (watch for our US candy import
         report sometime real soon now), with PAUL BLEZ recommending
         the "new Yorkie bar *with honeycomb pieces* - but why oh why
         won't they make a plain chocolate version?", BOBBY MARSH
         discovering a controversial abuse of the new TREBOR MIGHTY EXTRA
         STRONG MINTS: http://www.sghms.ac.uk/tictac/trebor.htm , and,
         brimming with confidence after his appearance in last week's
         Dead Trees, KEVIN "ALAN" CECIL uncovering a 15p "Strawberry
         Milky Way" in Suffolk earlier this week - "so revolting", he  
         claims, "it actually did ruin my appetite between meals." His
         appetite for what, exactly, Kevin fails to specify...


                               >> SMALL PRINT <<

       Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
         happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
    on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
     nothing better to do. And have a temporal displacement vortex handy.
                It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
             Registered at the Post Office as "part of the family"
                           http://www.mafiaboy.com/


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