_ _ _____ _ __ <*the* weekly high-tech sarcastic update for the uk>
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|_| \_| |_| |_|\_\|_| |_|\___/ \_/\_/ o http://www.ntk.net/ "Playing violent video games like Doom, Wolfenstein 3D or
Mortal Combat [SIC] can increase aggressive thoughts,
feelings and behaviour, say researchers"
...largely out of irritation that you haven't got a more modern machine
>> HARD NEWS <<
We were worried we weren't going to have anything nasty to
say about BT's 40UKP ADSL July roll-out, at least not until
they actively start buggering it up on a case by case basis.
But, as ever, we misunderestimated them. If you, too, were
wondering how exactly "a hidden area" of the BTopenworld
site was "accessed" and the details of all those
pre-registering for the service passed on to "unauthorised
persons", we hope the links below help. In a nutshell: they
forgot to turn off directory browsing, and stored logs of
all the SQL transactions in the same directory as the PHP
scripts. Not that it'd have helped if they *had* turned off
directory browsing, because when the site's registration PHP
script crashed, it told you the "hidden" file names anyway.
BTopenworld's General Manager, Robert Salvoni assured the
potential customers that BT would be contacting those who
accessed this "hidden area" and get written confirmation
that they wouldn't spread the data. Um, Robert: I don't
think you get it. You don't have their addresses. They have
*yours*. Oh, and Mr E Sheldon of London? Thanks for
mentioning us in the "how did you hear about this" box...
- how very "hidden"
- either way you look at it
It's been implied (if only by the voices in our heads) that
only cranks are really opposed to the Regulation of
Investigatory Powers Bill. So, just to give you the latest
list of civil rights lunatics joining in opposition: well,
rather predictably, the Loyal Opposition themselves ("his
marvellous new technology should not be blighted by
overmighty Government interference."), followed neatly by
the ISPA and LINX ("When we consulted the ISPA and LINX
members, their statements have been uniformly negative, and
nearly all Internet traffic in the UK is carried by the
members of ISPA and LINX.") - oh, and the Data Protection
Commissioner ("The Commissioner takes the view that the
privacy of individuals can be compromised equally by the
interception of communications, surveillance, and access to
encrypted data. Indeed intrusive surveillance could be the
more invasive."). Third reading is on May 8th. Let's see if
the government can find someone who actually likes the new
law by then.
- strange bedfellows, indeed
Viewers of C4's DOTCOMEDY (Fridays, 11pm) will no doubt
already be impressed by the level of technical expertise on
display: the determination to show all pages in an ill-fitting
box that doesn't fill the screen; the swift collapse of their
own site after the first transmission; the casual use of the
term "MPEG" to describe any online video. Reassurance, of a
sort, comes in an email, apparently from one of dotcomedy's
researchers, received by retro-telly resource TVCREAM: "We
would like to use the theme from 'Roobarb' to go with a clip
on the show," the researcher explains. "I have downloaded the
clip from your website, but I need to clear the publishing for
use. Could you please advise me on how I go about doing this?"
You know, we think we saw a "researching a telly program"
FAQ page somewhere on one of these Web page things...
- as if you hadn't been insulted enough...
- ner-ner-ner-ner, ner-ner-ner-ner, ner-ner-ner NER ner-ner
>> ANTI-NEWS <<
berating the obvious
DAIKATANA "towering mediocrity" - Daily Radar ... JOHN
MARKOFF, famously trustworthy NYT journalist, leaks results
of Ars Electronica award - which he himself judged ... not
the stock option pack we were hoping for:
http://www.ntk.net/2000/04/28/dohstockex.gif ... EXCITE's
new free ISP forbids game servers, streaming video, fun:
http://www.thefreeinternet.net/service.htm ... COREL says
that if it's not allowed to take over BORLAND, it'll go
bust... DAIKATANA "sucks the sweat off of dogs balls" - Evil
Avatar ... INTERVAL LABS: a Paul "Falco" Allen special ...
... www.wallpaper.com is: exactly as you'd expect...
DAIKATANA "best game I ever wrote" - John Romero
http://www.oldmanmurray.com/realnews.wcs ... oh, and you
thought that CD-ROM of director's addresses was bad:
http://www.ntk.net/2000/04/28/dohscoot.gif ... oh, those
Jedi Mind Tricks: http://www.ntk.net/2000/04/28/dohamazon.jpg ...
IBM provides software with which to hang yourself:
http://m.doubleclick.net/viewad/342415-light_468x6010k3loopaaaa.gif >> EVENT QUEUE <<
goto's considered non-harmful
Another fun-packed Bank Holiday for agitators everywhere,
with not just the much-advertised fight between rival
anarchist factions [see NTK 2000-03-31] at the FORTEAN TIMES
UNCONVENTION (2000-04-29/30, Kensington's Commonwealth
Institute, London), but also MAYDAY 2000 (from today, we
think, all across London) - a "Festival of Anti-Capitalist
Ideas And Action". The latter seems to be the one advertised
around town with stickers featuring that notorious stooge of
the military-industrial complex, Cartman - leading the
casual reader to perhaps misread the "Capitalism Sucks Ass!"
slogan as "Cartman Sucks Ass!", and to conclude that the
whole thing's some sort of misguided protest against South Park.
- unconventional lack of "index.html" page
- now even the anarchists have a Flash "skip intro"
>> TRACKING <<
sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering
The super-distributed super-distributing super-spamming MP3
glory that is Gnutella would be even more super, we feel, if
we could ever get it to work. Never fear: for lamers who
could never find a decent server to connect to, comes Cap'n
Bry's GNUTELLA WEB GATEWAY. Search the Gnutella Net for your
favourite, uh, backup copies, and download via simple URLs:
that's the theory. In practice, we couldn't get this to work
either, leading us to believe that either a) the latest
Gnutella clients don't allow anything but other Gnutella's
from grabbing files over HTTP, or b) its collective mind
hates us. Never mind: link included because it's fun to play
with, has the PHP source so you can tweak and copy, and
because it's also got a nifty affiliate link to myplay.com's
"music locker" service, so you don't even have to download
the files to your own machine. Particularly hilarious, given
MyPlay's CEO's recent dissing of Napster. "A business model
built on theft" is how Doug Camplejohn described his
competition to Red Herring, while MyPlay "operate this side
of the legal line". Line just got closer, Doug: whose side
are you on?
- "this is Metallica, after all. They can take it"
>> MEMEPOOL <<
hasta la altavista
inevitably: http://resumes.dice.com/mozilla ... the people's
AERON (altho not sure how many would want to sit on a Caper)
... asking "does JEEVES have an evil twin?" ... SHATNER to
cover Numan's "Cars" ... that whole "anti-posers" thing?
surely just - A POSE! http://www.stevoland.co.uk/posers/
throw 'em a curve: http://www.enormicom.com/09.html ... PHIL
KATZ dies trying to compress world's alcohol into smallest
possible space ... Falco remix album by 'noisy noisenik' Kid
606... interesting Amazon recommendations for
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0860914623/ ... it
*is* 2000AD: http://www.newscientist.com/news/news_223622.html >> GEEK MEDIA <<
get out less
TV>> after the over-literal interpretation of last week's 100
Greatest TV *Moments*, here's hoping they play each of THE 100
GREATEST TV ADS *in full* (9.05pm, Sat, C4) - they should do
100 Top TV Title Sequences next, we reckon... Cindy Crawford /
William Baldwin actioner FAIR GAME (11.10pm, Sat, ITV) has few
redeeming features - except Crawford's, Steven Berkoff's
terrible overacting, and a sex scene in which Baldwin shoots a
bad guy... and, continuing the "curse" of the actually OK-ish
THE CROW: CITY OF ANGELS (10.50pm, Sat, C5), we heard that
someone was once killed while inking the comic-book... after
last Sun's "Happy Birthday Shakespeare", this week's BBC1 9pm
Sunday evening 30-something nonsense starring Dervla Kirwan
and Amanda Holden is called HEARTS AND BONES, should you
care... C5's supernatural chicks night, featuring original
SMG-free movie BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER (9pm, Sun, C5), spills
over to infect Neve Campbell's unacknowledged "Charmed"
inspiration THE CRAFT (10pm, Sun, C4)... and child-genius
composer Daniel Pemberton mails to alert/warn readers of his
"speed metal theme from Dallas" contribution to DALLAS NIGHT
(from 8pm, Mon, C4)... chipping away at your natural
objections to "going digital", ITV2 starts running ultra-
recent episodes of topical uber-chat LATE SHOW WITH DAVID
LETTERMAN (11.50pm, Mon-Fri)... tough call though for anyone
who has to get up for animated STARSHIP TROOPERS (7am, Tue-
Fri, Sky1) - who just lost the "Heavy Gear" contract to the
Reboot guys http://www.roughneckchronicles.com/ ... while,
finally, good to see the genetic expertise acquired by Debra
Messing in PREY (1.30am, Thu, C4) going to good use in her new
ad for Clairol "Nice And Easy" hair colouring, in which she
attributes her "lovely auburn hair" to the superior genetic
heritage of "[her] mother"...
FILM>> "Far closer to the spirit of Trek fandom than many
actual Star Trek films" seems to paraphrase the general
feeling about surprisingly satisfying spoof GALAXY QUEST
(http://www.capalert.com/capreports/ : torture [some unseen
but heard]; monstrous alien with evil intent; death by weapon;
fantasy gore of spewing alien flesh; accusation of sexual
immorality in a bravado style; progressively exposing damage
to woman's clothing; at least 23 instances of excessive
cleavage) - Sigourney "Ghostbusters" Weaver hilarious as ever,
while Tim Allen does a better Shatner than even Shatner does
nowadays... "all bets are off" chortles Jenny McCarthy-killer
SCREAM 3 (http://www.capalert.com/capreports/ : fights;
firearms and gunfire to kill; a mannequin beheaded; reckless
driving to rescue; woman in shower; woman in towel only;
adults in underwear; vulgar accusation; story telling of
immoral sex), though even these self-referential teens have to
admit they won't win over many non Scream 1 & 2 viewers at
this late stage... otherwise there's the easily confused
arthouse ponderings of Jim Jarmusch's GHOST DOG: THE WAY OF
THE SAMURAI (imdb: independent-film / assassination / bird /
hip-hop / hitman / ice-cream / mafia / samurai)... Wim
Wenders' Bono-scripted THE MILLION DOLLAR HOTEL (imdb: sequel
/ murder / painting / retarded / suicide / video-footage /
detective / hooker / love / independent-film / misfit)... or,
for the real purists, Ralph Fiennes in the limited-release
"personal history of modern Hungary", spanning "150 years"
(Time Out) SUNSHINE (imdb: austria-hungary / independent-film
/ epic / fencing / holocaust / jewish-culture)...
FOREIGN FOODS>> following NTK 2000-04-07's rallying call for
sightings of this year's new ice-cream crop, Finland's
MICHAEL WALSH wrote to say "The only thing new about WALLS
SOLERO ICE is that it's from Walls," going on to boast -
"We've had Solero Ice here for at least a couple of years.
It's basically a francised internationalised scam like
Magnum - only in the case of Solero it's orange ice with a
vanilla ice-cream filing on a stick. Sounds very much like
what you've been able to buy for years doesn't it?" Well,
now you mention it, yes it does - but there is, we're sure,
something "different" about the "ice" version. It's always
nice to get a fresh perspective from the Linus-homeland,
though - as proved by Michael's subsequent description of
the terrifying arrival of Weetabix BANANABIX in that
normally peaceable and progressive nation... elsewhere in
the Linux-branded edible world, SIMON HEWISON recommended
the import-only Penguin-branded caffeinated PEPPERMINTS from
http://www.peppermints.com/ - "ideal if you like Altoids and
coffee". "What's more," he adds, perhaps in reference to
their 'Warning: for use while driving or operating heavy
machinery', "the guys who make it seem rather bizarre"...
JAMES "CRAZYNET, CRAZY GUY" WALLIS spotted a "French-fry
vending machine with integral deep-fat fryer"
http://www.tastyfries.com/machine.cfm ... while music-hall
star ADAM ATKINSON spoke highly of New Zealand's
"bewilderingly large range of strange but wonderful
chocolate bars", including the "MORO ENERGY BAR - a revved
up plain chocolate Mars Bar"... but globe-trotting
confectionery kings of the month (and not just 'cos they
sent us a whole box of the stuff) are, indeed, "those guys
who do American snack imports" CYBERCANDY
http://www.cybercandy.co.uk . Imagine numerous weird,
alternate-reality analogues of familiar UK brands, (though
often divided into two small Bounty-like sub- bars, and
almost invariably featuring peanut butter), like: OH HENRY!
(fudgey Snickers), 3 MUSKETEERS (a rich, dark, giant Milky
Way, with "45% Less Fat Than Average Of The Leading
Chocolate Brands"), BABY RUTH (a curious, wafer-free Picnic
or Lion), 100 GRAND (Nestle Dairy Crunch?), ALMOND JOY
(self- explanatory Bounty-alike), and of course infinite
variations on REESE'S PIECES - with the promise of
Antipodean and Japanese sweets to come! Plus, they're the
only online food e-tailer we've seen to operate a
pay-you-in-chocolate affiliates scheme...
>> SMALL PRINT <<
Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
Registered at the Post Office as
NEED TO KNOW
THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK.
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