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         "The bottom line is that I feel really good about it. Here I
         was taking big chances, breaking a new genre."
 - JOHN TRAVOLTA, on further man-animal torturing BATTLEFIELD EARTH sequels
                          ... breaking it beyond repair, I should add


                                >> HARD NEWS <<
                               patterns of abuse

         So, what is going on at Demon? Their flat-rate Surftime
         service delayed from its launch on October 9th, the network
         fritzed from Friday 13th through most of the weekend, and
         even the stoutest Demon defenders on the newsfroups letting
         out the occasional gripe that things ain't what they used to
         be. We'd pay no heed to RICHARD TIBBETTS'S theory on
         demon.service that the troubles were caused by "a group of
         terrorists [who] have barricaded themselves inside demon
         towers with all the ... techies as hostages". Except...
         there *do* seem to be a bunch of people camped outside,
         compound-style, Demon's Park Royal facilities centre.
         *They* say they're Gypsies - but do they mean Roma, or just
         legal representatives of Gipsy Media, the most recent
         company to besiege Demon to silence its own subscribers? And
         what of that latest resignation note from a Thus senior
         employee? His all@demon message said that the company
         "wallows in its present circumstances and ... continually
         shoot[s] itself in the foot" because of poor communication
         and tribalism, and that if it carries on, "we may as well
         give Energis a bargain and sell out now". Senior management
         having a touch of the truth? Nah. Must be the gypsies' fault
         after all.
         http://www.deja.com/getdoc.xp?AN=680197567
         http://www.meejahor.com/article.phtml?id=10
                                        - Gypsy rights, USENET wrongs
         http://uk.biz.yahoo.com/n/t/thus.l.html
                   - Yahoo having problems with that "Thus" name, too
         http://www.geocities.com/Paris/5121/paradigm.htm
                                  - the first Distributed Nation, btw

         You'd think with 41 states to pick its experts from, the
         Council Of Europe wouldn't have fscked up its "Cybercrime
         Convention" a *second* time. But even with the help of the
         US and Canada (expecting to get a nice G8 world treaty out
         of it), they still managed it. Not only does the doc still
         forbid the distribution of "illegal devices" for the
         purposes of illicit access to computer systems, the
         convention now allows for extradition under those
         over-general terms too. That means that Alec Muffet/ Ross
         Anderson/ your favourite DeCSS/CueCat hacker could be hauled
         off in irons to the ice-pits of the Northwest Territories.
         Readers abroad who shrugged over RIP will be pleased to know
         that the proposals also internationalise government access
         to keys or, hell, any "necessary data" held on a computer.
         Article 10 makes copyright infringement a criminal offence
         worldwide, no excuses. Oh, and ISPs will be obliged to
         collect and store information on their subscribers - despite
         that information being used in the past "to identify
         dissidents and persecute minorities", as the Global Internet
         Liberty Campaign's protest letter has it. Final version is
         due in December. God help us all.
         http://www.ntk.net/cybercrime/
         - the Convention, originally a Word document. Quelle surprise.
         http://www.gilc.org/privacy/coe-letter-1000.html
                     - Dear COE, are you insane? Love, everyone else.
         http://www.securityfocus.com/commentary/98
                      - David Banisar, the Nader of Privacy, comments
         http://www.coe.fr/eng/std/states.htm
                                  - there goes Bulgaria's IT industry

         There are those of us still sufficiently traumatised by the
         WIRED UK "unpleasantness" to be a little wary of the launch of
         INDUSTRY STANDARD EUROPE (out today, UKP1.95, handed out free
         in some London railway stations). UK/Europe-oriented version
         of runaway US success? Check. Staffed by the cream of British
         new-media journos, a Wired UK designer, and headed by John
         Battelle? Check. Until recently based in the "cursed offices"
         at 20 Soho Square, still haunted by the restless spirits of
         Virgins .com and .net? Check, check, check! When we put this
         to them, they were quick enough to come back with the Hegel/
         Marx quote about history repeating itself "the first time as
         tragedy, the second as farce", so we wish them luck with
         their in-flight-magazine-accessible first issue - especially
         if the rumours are true that it coincides with a decreased
         availability through major news outlets of, shall we say, some
         of the less exciting-looking "new economy" magazines.
         http://www.thestandard.com/about/learn/company/bios
          - and is it just us, or is this JB looking more and more...
         http://www.neweconomywatch.com/bios.htm
                       - ...like his old Wired UK pal, JOHN BROWNING?


                                >> ANTI-NEWS <<
                             berating the obvious

         ABC fail to heed our Illuminati puppet-masters' press embargo:
         http://www.abcnews.go.com/wire/Politics/ap20001012_1018.html
         ... otherwise another "quiet week" - in national news,
         business news, LEEDS NEWS: http://www.yourleeds.com/news/ ...
         UrbanFetch FALCO, BagsOfTime FALCO, http://www.koobuycity.com/
         "moving to larger premises in order to better satisfy
         londoners expectation!" [sic]... evidently Wizard Of Oz fans:
         http://www.365proaudio.com/breakingnews/liquidaudio.htm ...
         "Most annoying aspect of going online with a modem?" It's not
         the huge dial-up charges or even slow data rates, reveals BT
         OPENWORLD, but http://www.ntk.net/2000/10/20/dohopen.jpg ...
         because of http://www.zpok.demon.co.uk/lame/plt001.html -
         http://www.downside.com/deathwatch.html ... outside: now:
         http://signwave.co.uk/photos/view.cgi?foto=db/misc/urgency.gif
         ... "Do you limit any types of Internet activity? No", says
         http://www.libertysurf.co.uk/sections/help/faq.html?id=31 -
         forgetting "Yes - staying on longer than we like you to"...


                               >> EVENT QUEUE <<
                         goto's considered non-harmful

         Thanks to the lone tipster who alerted us that next
         Thursday's BAFTA INTERACTIVE AWARDS (2000-10-26, London)
         promise to be "predictably crap - especially in the console
         game nominees, two of which [READY 2 RUMBLE BOXING: ROUND 2
         and TIMESPLITTERS - both for PS2] are yet to be released and
         one of which [MEDIEVIL II, presumably] is utterly shit". The
         METAPOD people asked us nicely if we could mention "the
         first major festival celebrating innovation in the UK's
         creative industries" (from today, various venues, the West
         Midlands), though we're sadly unable to endorse it further,
         due to the presences of Warp Records, Richard "Hypermedia"
         Barbrook, Sadie "Cyberfeminism on Drugs" Plant, and
         showcases like "the PDFheaven project, launched this year by
         protova.com to showcase innovative uses of Adobe's Acrobat
         format".
         http://www.metapod.com/expo
          - yeah, we could think of an "innovative use" or two for it
         http://www.bafta.org/bafta/5_ie/5_NOMINATIONS_2000.htm#console
         - no "comedy" category any more; just "moving images", "sound"

         It's APACHECON 2000 EUROPE at London's Olympia from 2000-10-
         23, from UKP350 per day; it's free to see Philip Greenspun
         at a secret London location tonight (though probably too
         late to register, 'cos ArsDigita never tell us about these
         things early enough); and the cyber-enhanced exoskeletal
         gloves come off on Tuesday night at Reading University,
         where a Kevin- dissenter from the Cybernetics Dept, Dr Mark
         Bishop, attempts to foster a healthy debate over the
         imminent robotic takeover, in a talk entitled "Dancing with
         Pixies: Strong Artificial Intelligence and Panpsychism". His
         argument seems to be that non-biological systems (bricks,
         cups of tea) can't possess human-style consciousness,
         bizarrely concluding that this somehow makes them *less* of
         a threat to humanity, not more!
         http://www.kevinwarwick.org.uk/index.html#event
         - nothing dangerous about a non-sentient bulldozer, is there?
         http://www.arsdigita.com/events/event-info?event_id=2010
         - white-water team-building may go on until after 10.30pm
         http://apachecon.com/2000/EU/
         - Olympia Conference Center, right next to Big Ben...


                                >> TRACKING <<
               sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering

         NANOLOOP is a high-alcohol homebrew cartridge for the
         Gameboy that turns the 'boy into a techno synthesiser.
         It's built by German students at the University of Hamburg,
         and in some very deep way, the music it generates seems to
         reflect that. The interface is broadly unfathomable, and the
         samples are generated by torturing the Gameboy's onboard
         sound chip, so there's a charming air of Sonic on E to the
         whole enterprise. 70USD gets you the cart direct from
         Hamburg, but supplies are limited. Also included: a manual
         that first-adopter Adrian Ward describes as having been "run
         through babelfish twice", and schematics to build your own
         MIDI interface. Makes our copy of Beatpad for the Palm look
         a bit shit. Makes your whole former life look shit, too.
         http://www.nanoloop.com/
- Classic has "more 'warm' and balanced sound characteristics than Color"
         http://stub.org/uploads/nanoloop.mp3
                                             - Ade's work-in-progress
         http://www.5thwall.com/minimusic/
               - excuse music journo exaggeration: Beatpad's cool too


                                >> MEMEPOOL <<
                              hasta la altavista

         when oh *when* will the public tire of homoerotic EMINEM
         parodies?: http://www.soundbreak.com/events/thompson/index.php
         ... fuelling rumours about the "special sauce" of RONALD
         MCDONALD: http://www.ntk.net/2000/10/13/harley-spunk.jpg ...
         now, a vote for Hank, The Angry Drunken Dwarf is a *wasted*
         vote: http://www.silicon.com/142e-envoy/home.htm - but not one
         for CASPER BOWDEN... like that ATARI pop video, but in Flash!:
         http://www.kaizolabs.com/captainlowrez/episode1.html ...
         PETER "HATE" BAGGE belligerently resists whole animated point:
         http://www.adobe.com/motion/features/shutins/ ... make FSCK
         fun: http://www.movement.uklinux.net/fscktris/fscktris.html
         ... if 20 is true, it's hardly "the end of the world", is it?
         http://www.discover.com/oct_00/featworld.html ... DOMAIN worth
         more than house? http://www.mbr.com/ ... BRASS EYE e-commerce:
    http://www.bestbuy.com/detail.asp?e=11000813&m=1&cat=38&scat=39
         ... keep KEVIN away from http://216.247.9.207/ny-best.htm ...


                                >> GEEK MEDIA <<
                     the less blasphemous www.tvgohome.com

         TV>> assuming you get this in time, another good ANGEL this
         week, spoofing zany West Coast political correctness (5.25pm,
         Fri, C4).. a FRIENDS double-bill (9pm, Fri, C4) visits some
         sort of parallel universe/ alternate reality - we always *did*
         get those two confused... momentum-unconserving Arnie actioner
         ERASER (9pm, Fri, ITV) was last shown October 23 last year...
         and, after reader "Dunc" wrote in last week complaining that
         "Highlander II" is "much, much worse" than we suggested, we
         dread to think how badly he'll take the prospect of HIGHLANDER
         III: THE SORCERER (11.05pm, Fri, BBC1), followed by Harry
         Knowles-endorsed sci-fi camp SPACE TRUCKERS (12.40am, Fri,
         BBC1) - alien terminator robots, apparently with ballerinas
         inside... lame movie weekend continues with tediously '50s
         "Mars Attacks" inspiration INVADERS FROM MARS (12.45am, Sat,
         BBC1)... WITNESS (8pm, Sun, C4) popularises some nutbar who
         claims she can photosynthesise, not eat... things pick up with
         Queen Amidala's work-experience assassin classic LEON (10pm,
         Sun, C4)... plus Kevin Costner's celebration of bad golfing
         sportsmanship, TIN CUP (10.35pm, Mon, BBC1)... while, despite
         its title, C5's MR PERVERT OBE (11pm, Sun, C5) turns out to be
         a documentary about a headmaster who abused his pupils, not a
         1970s sex comedy... clearly nothing cynical about the cross-
         gender appeal of women's health docu BREASTS UNCUPPED (9pm,
         Sun, Sky1) or product redesign makeover BRAND NEW BRA (9pm,
         Tue, C4)... the "Gone In 60 Seconds" team of Nic Cage, Jerry
         Bruckheimer and Scott Rosenberg exceed their baggage allowance
         by packing way too much into CON AIR (9pm, Tue, C5)... and,
         after last week's "Robocop", Wednesday night is Verhoeven
         night again on C5, with Wayne "Newman from Seinfeld" Knight's
         finest moment - and some other stuff - in BASIC INSTINCT
         (10.15pm, Wed, C5)...

         FILM>> a bumper week for scantily-clad women advocating some
         sort of vague feminist message - a concept we just can't get
         enough of - and the clever money is on Kristin "Jumanji, Drop
         Dead Gorgeous" Dunst and Eliza "Faith from Buffy, True Lies"
         Dushku's sassy cheerleaders in high-school bitch-fest BRING IT
         ON (imdb: bloopers-during-credits/ championship / high-school
         / plagiarism / teen / flatulence / cheerleader / cheerleading
         / competition / dance / ethics / football / gymnastic) - yes,
         even versus Jerry Bruckheimer's resolutely '90s-soundtracked
         "Flashdance" remake COYOTE UGLY (http://www.cndb.com : "no
         nudity [...] The only scene that was mildy exciting was when
         the girls jump on the bar and pour pitchers of water on each
         other [...] John Goodman has larger breasts than any of the
         girls")... Ford, Pfeiffer and Robert "Back To The Future"
         Zemeckis competently resurrect the ailing genre of teen-free
         horror in WHAT LIES BENEATH (http://www.capalert.com : face
         underwater; terror startles; licking kissing; numerous
         paranormal forces manifesting in inanimate objects; nude woman
         in tub, more than once - gender-specific areas not seen)... we
         thought Christopher Nolan's low-budget "Following" debut was
         overrated; this time, the gimmick in MEMENTO (imdb: amnesia /
         independent-film / murder) is dense anterograde amnesia,
         consistent with damage to area CA1 of the hippocampus. Also,
         it's got Carrie-Anne "The Matrix" Moss in it... while it's
         Jonathan Lipnicki, Richard E Grant - together at last! - in
         THE LITTLE VAMPIRE (http://slashgoth.org/stories.php?story=81
         : "really enjoyed it [...] flying cows [...] [based on] two
         children's TV series. One from the US in the '80s and one I
         believe from Germany in the early '90s")...

         BONERS/INCORRECTLY REGARDED AS GOOFS>> someone from GRANADA
         MEDIA, makers of SWAP TEAM [last week's issue], mailed to say
         they'd "checked their records" and no SwapItShop ad was shown
         in the half-time ad-break on Saturday 2000-10-07. In that
         case, we're wrong - it must have been in the ad-break just
         *before* the show, as was the case on Sat 2000-10-14, when the
         ad newly invited viewers to collect tokens from packets of
         Wotsits, the sponsors of the programme. We'll get you, SWAP
         TEAM!... also from last week, an anonymous tipster proclaimed
         http://darryn-reeds.tripod.com/S-Club-7-secrets.html "even
         more evil - for attempting to install the Comet Cursor trojan
         spyware thingie", while STEVE THORNTON admired "the FALCOed
         brilliance" of http://uk.clust.com/consent.asp , revelling in
         "the worst 'use policy' I've ever seen: 'I want my address to
         be sold to spammers' checkboxes scattered throughout, some
         meaning 'yes', some 'no', then a broken script to finish it
         off"... going back a while now (to clear a backlog of goofs
         you've probably already forgotten we made), the BBC's LIZZIE
         JACKSON shot down our - admittedly speculative - story about
         the BBC considering Napster-enabled "Post-@" as a chat client
         [NTK 2000-08-25], pointing out that "[the BBC] regularly look
         at all kinds of software as all companies do, to perform all
         kinds of functions," though, no doubt to the disappointment of
         license-payers everywhere, "- one we wouldn't incorporate is
         file-swapping"... ELLIOT NOEL asserted that Japanese death-by-
         video movie "Ring" [NTK 2000-08-18] "wasn't really 'renamed'"
         from the original title, "Ringu", because "there's just no
         straight consonant 'ng' in Japanese. There is a consonant 'n'
         symbol, but no 'ng' symbol, so the closest phonetic Japanese
         approximation to 'ring' is 'ri-n-gu'". Apparently, similar
         effects cause no end of hilarity if you try to explain the
         (phonetic) difference between "wind" and "window" to Japanese
         exchange students, as both map to "wi-n-do"... opening what we
         fear is a none-too-fresh can of worms, ED AVIS queried our
         caption to http://www.ntk.net/2000/07/14/dohtrain.jpg, arguing
         "That's not a BBC Micro, which would say 'BBC Microcomputer
         32K' or something similar. The 'Acorn MOS' message means it
         must be some kind of Master or maybe a B+". Like Railtrack
         don't have enough problems already... and finally, regular
         pedant PAUL BLEZ made a bid for "World's Most Unhelpful Proof-
         Reader" when he coyly announced: "There was another big typo
         at the end of [an unspecified issue of?] NTK which I can't be
         bothered to find!". Thanks Paul, that ought to do it...


                               >> SMALL PRINT <<

       Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
         happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
       on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
     nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
                       Registered at the Post Office as
                         "a rather inelastic product."
                  http://www.biomedcentral.com/1471-8219/1/1


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