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         "We have always done a good job of safeguarding privacy. I
         don't think we've done a good job as we could have on
         getting the message out there about privacy."
                                           - DoubleClick's KEVIN RYAN
              http://www.zdnet.com/zdnn/stories/news/0,4586,2444975,00.html
 ...although if you had detailed knowledge about the sites we visited, 
                                       you could probably work it out 


                                >> HARD NEWS <<
                                nuts and screws 

         If you were wondering why this week's Private Eye had an
         advert for www.portia.org.uk, an apparently empty site,
         here's why. PORTIA is - or was - a site that documents
         suspected cases of false convictions in the UK, run by the
         eighty-year-old journalist, Ken Norman. On February 9th of
         this year, the small ISP who hosts the site received a
         letter from lawyers acting on behalf of the Police
         Federation. The Police Federation is currently seeking
         action against the BBC for a Trial and Error program on the
         Eddie Gilfoyle case, and sought to have a page covering the
         case removed, and replaced with "a full apology". Eddie's
         conviction has been found unsafe by the the Criminal Cases
         Review Commission, and following an investigation by a
         neighbouring police force, officers involved have been
         recommended for disciplinary action. Nonetheless, under the
         weight of the Federation's legal threats, the ISP felt
         obliged to remove the entire site.
         http://www.google.com/search?q=cache:www.portia.org.uk/cpages/intro.html
         - although, of course, censorships' just a caching problem
         http://www.deja.com/%3Ddnc/threadmsg_ct.xp?AN=588838054
                                            - best dealt with backups
         http://scandals.org/trialanderror/gilfoyle.html
                                                  - at multiple sites

         Of course, we have our own battles to fight. Not quite in
         the same league is our two year campaign to hold Bill Gates
         to his promises. As founder subscribers will recall, back in
         1997 we challenged Bill on a promise he gave some years
         previously: to release the source for the original, 4KB
         Altair BASIC. Since then, he has persistently mentioned
         "getting around to it". We guess he's been too busy
         forgetting stuff for the DOJ trial to recollect this
         particular commitment. Or has he? IT WEEK recently reminded
         him of the deal, and Bill said that "anybody who wants a
         copy can just ask." You heard the man: wonder what license
         he's going to pick?
         http://www.zdnet.co.uk/news/2000/7/ns-13511.html
                        - next, he has to get Win2000 to run in 640KB
         http://gizmonaut.net/soapflakes/EXE-199711.html
                                                   - the story so far

         
                                >> ANTI-NEWS << 
                             berating the obvious
         
         http://www.softwareparadise.co.uk features ISO9002 "qulaity"
         (sic) accreditation ... ... MATT DRUDGE demands bongo and
         flute backing to his audio book ... THE THE in Amazon's top
         ten pre-ordered albums: but *how*? ... BBC reveal that in
         futuristic Finland, "Some girls change the covers to suit
         their clothes - if they're wearing a red dress they'll have
         a red phone that day." ... SUNDAY TIMES recommends users
         "jiggle their mouse" to beat online time-outs ... AMAZON not
         learning much from that purchase circle feature:
         http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/subst/wishlist/wishlist-portal.html
         (try Bill Gates) ... they're just trying to wind up Tim BL,
         right? http://www.g-wizz.net/errordocuments/404error.swf ...
         still, there are worse industries to have a doh file:
         http://www.zipworld.com.au/~zem/images/bsod-1.jpg vs
         http://www.ee.surrey.ac.uk/Personal/L.Wood/received/mandarin-airlines/


                               >> EVENT QUEUE << 
                         goto's considered non-harmful

         OK, so the word is that long-time anti-virus varmint (and
         friend of the Sunday Times) DK MATAI will be the "guest" of
         that notoriously cynical First Tuesday crew on, er, Tuesday.
         Or you could think up some equally tricky questions for
         erratic soft-spoken "Microserfs" scribe DOUGLAS COUPLAND, who
         (we think) is promoting his new novel, "Miss Wyoming" from
         Monday next week at some branches of London's Books Etc. Ask
         your local bookseller for details - ever since reading his
         "Generation X" (and that dreadful Lara Croft book), we've been
         just too slack to care.
         http://www.firsttuesday.com/  
                                          - "First Tuesday/ I gave you a worm...
         http://www.kumite.com/myths/opinion/thoughts/1999/mi2g.htm
                                   - but the very next day/ you gave it away..."                    

                                >> TRACKING <<
               sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering

         GRAPHVIZ is one of programs that make you
         realise that (a) everyone else has the same problems as you
         and (b) a few of them are *much* better at getting around to
         solving them. It's a suite of programs for UNIX
         and Windows that takes a simply organised text file of
         directed or undirected nodes, and constructs an accurate and
         aesthetically rather lovely graph of them. And it saves the
         shame of borrowing Marketing's copy of Visio. No recent 
         changes (although it did slip quietly into an Openish Source
         license last September). We only just found it. We're fools.
         http://www.research.att.com/sw/tools/graphviz/
                                                  - Tony Buzanariffic


                                >> MEMEPOOL << 
                              hasta la altavista

         hmmm : www.dos-truth.com ... not exactly 24 hour access:
         http://www.xtml.co.uk/managedserver.html ... TV Go Home +
         Davros = http://tv.cream.org/gorilla/tvmenu.htm ... X-MEN
         teaser still manages to beat the presidential candidates
         sites: http://mutantwatch.com/ ... Private Sector Takeover
         of Mir - Sterling one, Gibson nil ... we stole the quote, so
         here's the link: viva http://www.ditherati.com/ ! ... from
         our Ambassador to Moscow, to Lord Pembroke: greetings
         http://www.ntk.net/2000/02/25/moscow.gif ... swede imitates
         ONION: http://195.149.141.15/smart/index.htm vs.
         http://www.theonion.com/archives/monkgloats.html ... at
         least it's not a VIRGIN group site: http://www.hymen.com/
         ... "look after yourself - and your SIMS!"
         http://www.somethingawful.com/articles/article-simrealism.htm


                                >> GEEK MEDIA <<
                    the less rude http://www.tvgohome.com/ 

         FILM>> a good week for noble, well-crafted Oscar-bait = a bad           
         week for gunfights and explosions! Tom Hanks gets together              
         with Shawshank Redemption director to essentially remake the            
         same homespun Stephen King tosh, though not as well, in THE             
         GREEN MILE (http://www.capalert.com/capreports/ : rehearsal of          
         an electrocution; beating by crazed father; rear male nudity;           
         porno comic book; urination as entertainment) - though you've           
         got to admire the stamina of audiences for a three-hour film  
         that is (largely) about Hanks desperately needing a piss...
         Matt Damon plays a murderous bisexual Rory Bremner who wows a
         bunch of upper-class tossers in dark lah-di-dah yawn THE
         TALENTED MR RIPLEY (http://www.capalert.com/capreports/ :
         homosexual embrace of a dead body; forgery; impostering;
         cohabitation; excessive posterior exposure [bathing suits];
         drowning suicide; homosexual behaviors, some exceptionally
         bold)... and we should have already reviewed Jerry "Sliders"
         O'Connell's sub-Swingers adventures in the parallel universe
         of the the LA singles scene via not hugely amusing relo-drama
         BODY SHOTS (http://www.cndb.com : "[Ron] Livingston's buns are
         prominent in the frame"; Jerry O'Connell - "brief rear
         exposure... showering in the lockerroom"; Emily Procter -
         "only a brief glimpse of her breasts... fans of the actress or
         into seeing bondage sequences in mainstream movies will
         probably want to seek this out"; Tara Reid - "you can briefly
         see her lovely rear... great views of her breasts and from
         many different angles"; Brad Rowe - "partial rear views during
         an intense sex scene... against a chain link fence")...

         TV>> a scenario instantly familiar to any QL owners out there,
         as Clive Sinclair "calls" with an 8 and a 7, *though there's     
         already an Ace and a King on the table*, in all-new episodes
         of LATE NIGHT POKER (1.25am, Fri, C4)... BBC2's ironically
         titled "Comedy Zone" plumbs new depths with the return of
         increasingly desperate stereotype-reiterating in GOODNESS
         GRACIOUS ME (9pm, Fri, BBC2) plus that loathsome Dennis Pennis
         guy playing a loathsome ad exec in PERFECT WORLD (9.30pm, Fri,          
         BBC2) - not a spin-off show from the Kevin Costner film of the
         same name... and there's a good reason why the "Kurt Godel"             
         character doesn't use the Jerry Maguire catchphrase "You     
         complete me" in zany Meg Ryan Albert Einstein boffin romance
         IQ (10.25pm, Fri, BBC1)... like "The Matrix" and "Back To The 
         Future", they filmed (and are showing) both sequels back to
         back for '70s subway Walter Matthau black comedy THE TAKING OF
         PELHAM 1, 2,(&) 3 (8.55pm, Sat, BBC2)... C4 kicks off its
         happening peak-time Saturday night with a *2-hour* repeat of
         soporific crypto-history STATION X (7pm, Sat, C4)... we defy
         even dedicated fans to tell the difference between this and
         any other series of HARRY HILL (9.30pm, Sun, C4)... and Jamie
         Lee Curtis (then Mrs John Carpenter) has an uncredited
         voiceover in cyber-noir Kurt Russell romp ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK
         (10pm, Sun, C4)... alleged NTK reader and former Watchdog co-
         host Charlotte Hudson inexplicably reappears in "bizarre" new
         sketch show BRUISER (11.20pm, Mon & Wed, BBC2) - frenziedly
         alternating with yet another BBC "minority comedy" show,
         BLOUSE AND SKIRT (11.20pm, Tue & Thu, BBC2)... the Radio Times
         implies that this week's HOME FRONT (8pm, Wed, BBC2) makeover
         is to transform a garden (and a house?) into a liveable
         facsimile of the Teletubbies set... while DISPATCHES (9.30pm,
         Thu, C4) breaks from all that hard-hitting political stuff for
         some well-meaning tech product placement by *putting a whole
         street on the internet*. What *will* they think of next?...

         INTENTIONALLY BLANK>> Dave is otherwise engaged this week,
         training in the Nevada desert in preparation for what he
         claims will be an inevitable post- http://www.kevinwarwick.org.uk/ 
         nuclear armageddon. Dave, if you can hear this: everything's fine.
         Come back home. Wolfie? Wolfie's just fine, honey. Hello?
         Hello?


                               >> SMALL PRINT <<

       Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
         happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
       on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
     nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
                       Registered at the Post Office as 
           "actually, we did have a third news item, but we thought
           we'd done enough vagina stories for one century. Mail tips
           for your free copy and WAV file. Sickos."

                                 NEED TO KNOW
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