Need To Know 2001-04-20

archive

"In order to make this work, we need to convert a percentage of our existing membership to a paid-for basis. In order to keep you, our members, up to date with what is going on, we'll be providing updates on our progress and, in true Blue Peter-style, a MembOmeter showing our conversion rate will be updated daily on the site." -http://www.netimperative.com shows great candour in pleading for 100UKP pa sub ... and not taking the same-day death of the Blue Peter dog too symbolically >> HARD NEWS << helloo helloo helloos To the Science Museum, for the launch of the new elite Tank Police^W^W National Hi-Tech Crime Unit. This was the central police authority announced by Jack Straw last year, and now to be based in, as every paper has it, "a secret location", presumably to stop international cybercriminals from targetting it with their space "lasers". One of the primary goals of the new unit, said its long-time advocate, the National Crime Intelligence Service's Roger Gaspar, would be to "assess the nature and extent of the problem". Of course, it was by consistently complaining that the cybercrime plague was being underreported that got the NCIS and others the 25 million to set up the new group. What's the betting that when the results come out, they're not going to say "why, it's not as bad as we thought"? http://www.zdnet.co.uk/news/2001/15/ns-22358.html - actually they're not going to say anything public at all http://members.tripod.com/umq/umq_d005.htm - "If you want law and order ... GIVE US MORE TANKS!" http://www.ntk.net/2001/04/20/tescodoh.jpg - Tesco CCTV'ing champagne socialists. Every little helps... Meanwhile, yet again from the endless font of ukcrypto, comes news of a survey prying into your most intimate concerns - about the new Health and Social Care Bill which lets the Secretary of State reveal your medical info to anyone. With questions like "Do you believe that it would be safe to trust all future Governments with such wide ranging and unchecked powers?", it's a *smidgeon* biased, but, hey, we're all zealots here, right? And we're sure that if this is proper medical research, there's some dull control newsletter somewhere publicising the same poll. (Typically, the first thing anyone noticed about this research on ukcrypto was the site sets cookies, leading to just the kind of petty factional in-fighting that lost us the Spanish Civil War, people. Stay on target, cookie and anti-cookie-ists. http://www.nhspeople.net/impact/survey-plain.html - and *don't* fill the notes bit with spelling corrections TV series come and go, but servers just bang on forever. The owners of seethru.co.uk site now appear to have given up the pretence of Attachments' "real" Website, as well as the plan to turn it into a profitable portal. As of this week, the remaining freelancers, whose job it was to perfectly mimic their on-screen counterparts, have been let go. Now World Productions are trying to encourage the site's remaining audience to contribute to the site's regular features - for free. In a potentially cognitively dissonant note, this has led to "Soph" rashly bribing the somewhat confused forum regulars with an invite to "a special party at our office, where you can meet us in person". Oh, to hack into the office webcam on that day. "Luce and Brandon? Oh, they've just popped out for a bit. My name's David McCandless - anyone for a game of Counterstrike 2?" http://www.seethru.co.uk/ubb/Forum9/HTML/000019.html - or is this all part of the plot? >> ANTI-NEWS << berating the obvious MOREOVER keyword search confuses country with frozen-food giant: http://www.europeo.com/iceland.htm ... MAD DOG DISEASE may be "hoax": http://www.sightings.com/general10/mdd.htm ... the dash is wrong in this one: http://www.obi-wankenobi.net/ ...WIND POWER replacing "electricity" in millions of homes: http://www.ntk.net/2001/04/20/dohblow.gif ... new SCRAMJET "will use oxygen from the atmosphere to allow combustion": http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/sci/tech/newsid_1287000/1287229.stm ... ALCATEL prefer to revise word docs instead of firmware: http://morons.org/articles/1/188 ... FOOTBALLERS really know how to party: http://gilest.org/gorjuss/mirror-doh.jpg ... LASTMINUTE.COM digi-camera boasts "JPG image suppression": http://www.lastminute.com/lmn/pso/catalog/Product.jhtml?PRODID=306286551 - for countries where taking photos is banned?... privacy pixies unhappy with current system of "elf-regulation": http://uk.news.yahoo.com/010412/152/bkfsl.html ... DEPT OF TRANSPORT site: http://www.detr.gov.uk/statistics/transport/ just goes round in circles... BT invented hyperlinks, also came up with WAP: http://www.ntk.net/2001/04/20/dohwap.gif ... >> EVENT QUEUE << goto's considered non-harmful "Script kiddies need not apply" announces INFOSECURITY EUROPE'S HACKING CHALLENGE (from 4pm today, 2001-04-20) - somewhat harshly, we feel: if today's script kiddies have nowhere to practise and hone their skills, then whither the future hacking talent of tomorrow? More reassuringly, the tie- in conference (from Tue 2001-04-21) appears to be completely free to get in (presumably that's quicker than having to deal with all the fake cc numbers and social engineering). Hack- The-Flag challengers Argus claim they're holding the finale contest here "because the UK lags behind the Far East and the US in its recognition that Internet and e-commerce security needs have moved on", although we think they meant to say "B3CUZ THE UK SCENE IS THE MOSR 73T3, ALL U FAGOT LZMERS". http://www.zdnet.co.uk/news/2001/15/ns-22334.html - NB: to comply with recent anti-terrorist legislation... http://www.argus-systems.com/events/infosec/ - winner must provide name, postal address, and phone number http://meets.gblogs.org.uk/parrot.html - in other event-related news: same old bloggers, same old pub >> TRACKING << sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering http://members.fortunecity.com/salkosuo/elite-for-emacs/ - what could we possibly add? >> MEMEPOOL << shuffle the sherlock and that, my friends, is how I got the name NURSE CHRISTINE CHAPEL: http://haggisbutt.tripod.com/nerd2.html ... 3G rollout delayed by Foot and Mouth... new AMAZON craze - prank book listings: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0614969085/ ... http://www.pcdiag.com.au/ appears to specialise in hardware, software, underwear... isolation leads to INBREEDING http://www.theforce.net/episode2/newspics/family-tree.jpg ... "your AD&D sex guide revitalised my RPG relationships!": http://www.lysator.liu.se/~johol/netbooks/CarnalGuide/carnal.txt ... fighting STICK FIGURE theatre reaches logical conclusion: http://www.stileproject.com/kungfu.html ... all your IRC spoof sites http://www.somethingawful.com/spam/icq/spacerobot/ will become FLASH: http://www.jonathonrobinson.com/secret.html ... "All Your Base" infects TRANSMETROPOLITAN (#45, June 2001, p5)... YAHOO MAIL globally replaces "eval" with "review": http://catless.ncl.ac.uk/Risks/21.27.html#subj9 (that's "e-v- a-l" for anyone reading this on Yahoo)... if you could bank bullshit, which LLOYDS-TSB ad would it be?... nostalgic look back ironically requires loads of video plugins, JavaScript: http://cramsession.brainbuzz.com/video/everyossucks/default.asp?OSsucks=Open >> GEEK MEDIA << the less restrained www.tvgohome.com TV>> after "The Tom Green Show" and "Jackass", do we really need the excruciatingly pompous pranks of TRIGGER HAPPY TV? (9.30pm, Fri, C4) - aka TVGoHome's "Rabblemock Ha Ha Time"... BBC2 discovers a new war to relive in jaw-dropping detail in FORGOTTEN HEROES: KOREA REMEMBERED (9pm, Fri, BBC2)... Margaret "Independence Day" Colin leads largely unheralded US body-swap action series NOW AND AGAIN (11.30pm, Fri, most ITV) ... and science fact becomes science fiction, as Kevin Warwick re-appears on the repeated DIGITAL SEX (11.55pm, Fri, C4)... there's a rare showing of the first two films in the famed "Trois Coleurs Heat" cop trilogy: Arnie's RED HEAT (10.35pm, Fri, BBC1), plus Bill Paxton's BLUE HEAT (9pm, Sat, C5)... envious of ITV's "Michael Collins" Real IRA tie-in explosion last week, BBC2 hastily schedules IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER (10.35pm, Sat, BBC2)... Stallone sound-stage shoot-em-up CLIFFHANGER (11.45pm, Sat, BBC1) was last shown June 2000... and apparently they recorded something like 3 hours of Alan Moore, but could only fit a few minutes into the 2000AD episode of SF:UK (1.05am, Sat, C4) - followed by a "Real Big Survivor Brother" spoof in TROMA'S EDGE TV (2.20am, Sat, C4) ... there are new series for the thankfully Bremner-free ALISTAIR MCGOWAN'S BIG IMPRESSION (8.30pm, Sun, BBC1), and Bob Mills' god-awful "Larry Sanders" ripoff BOB MARTIN (10.50pm, Mon, ITV)... while C5 inexplicably lets some real rubbish slip through its fingers - Caruso/ Fiorentino erotic thriller JADE (10.15pm, Sun, BBC1), Winona Ryder women's weepie HOW TO MAKE AN AMERICAN QUILT (11.20pm, Mon, BBC1), and Hauer/ De Mornay stalkerama BLIND SIDE (11.25pm, Tue, BBC1) - and ends up having to show Sam Raimi romp DARKMAN (9pm, Sun, C5), slow-mo Vangelis video CHARIOTS OF FIRE (9pm, Mon, C5), and BUTCH CASSIDY AND THE SUNDANCE KID (9pm, Tue, C5) instead - culminating in a Quaid vs Quaid face-off with "Max Headroom" Morton/ Jankel remake DOA (10.45pm, Wed, BBC1) up against arthouse Bosnian-war drama SAVIOR (10pm, Wed, C5)... still, there's always the fantastically Freudian ALIEN (11.30pm, Wed, ITV) on the other side... FILM>> so the whole thing's a light-hearted nicely shot set-up for a Village People joke at the end - but that's hardly a criticism of romantic obsession farce ONE NIGHT AT MCCOOL'S (imdb: Liv "Armageddon" Tyler, Matt "Wild Things" Dillon, John "Roseanne" Goodman, Paul "Mad About You" Reiser, Michael "often ends up with much younger co-star" Douglas - together at last!)... reader Alan Connor, who has no reason to make this up, posits that BBC2's "The Adventure Game" is the obvious precursor to Brit posh kids subterranean mindbender THE HOLE (http://www.cndb.com : unspecified Keira "Phantom Menace" Knightley nudity - http://www.keiraknightley.com/ )... and the fantastical scenario of the Vice-President of the United States unexpectedly dying in office is explored in Joan "Pleasantville" Allen's sexual double-standards drama THE CONTENDER (imdb: character-assassination / helicopter / independent-film / female-politician / scandal / political / vice-president / sexism / political-thriller / president / senator / rescue-from-drowning)... which just leaves a chick- flick version of "Fight Club" - for those of us who didn't feel Fight Club was enough of a chick flick already, that is - GIRLFIGHT (http://www.screenit.com/movies/2000/girlfight.html : It's possible that the film could inspire some girls to take up boxing; typical boxing violence)... while Jamie Lee Curtis is once again married to a pretend spy called Harry, in what seems to be a nuke-free "True Lies" send-up THE TAILOR OF PANAMA (http://www.cndb.com : You see Pierce [Brosnan's] nice ass in a standing position as he humps Catherine McCormack next to a window; a clear somewhat lit view of [Jamie Lee Curtis'] breasts and nipples; the beautiful Catherine [McCormack] is topless during a love making sequence with Pierce "I can get any woman in Hollywood topless" Brosnan).. FEEBDACK>> as Hanlon's Razor puts it: "Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity" - after we raised the topic last week, a couple of people contacted us directly to say they'd offered free (or cheap) server space to http://www.popbitch.com/appeal/server.html , and had heard "nothing back" from them. We were in the process of taking this up with Mr Bitch himself - until our mails started bouncing. Maybe they needed that UKP2500 for on-site tech support or something... on a similar note, KENNY JOHNSON noted that http://www.capalert.com appears to be in "dire financial need". Despite being a "big fan" of the site ("in much the same way as [I] enjoy reading the letters page of the Daily Mail"), Kenny, like us, feels conflicted over actually giving them money "just to continue my car-crash-rubbernecking fixation with the incredibly fucked-uppedness of it all". Any suggestions? Hey, maybe we should do a T-shirt... also from last week, CRAIG MCLEAN was appropriately furious about Bigfoot reneging on their "free e-mail forwarding for life" deal - though, in more reflective mood, admitted "I'm a 50 ciggies and 15 pint a day backwater SUNOS sysadmin, so I suppose their guess at my life expectancy is as good as any" ... plus there's been some promising entries so far for our http://www.political.co.uk/annwiddecombe/gal.asp?ref=gal006.jpg&caption=oink caption contest, though some of you didn't spot that you're supposed to send us hideously unwieldy URLs with the text on the end (with + or %20 instead of spaces etc)... going back (and/or forward) a bit further, RICH ANNEXIA queried NTK 2001- 02-23's "party like it's (time_t) 1E9" meme, pointing out that this historic epoch second is actually around 2am September 9 of this year. In our defence, we were only advocating partying *like* it's (time_t) 1E9 at this stage, Rich, plus we thought you'd want some advance warning - after all, Prince released the original "1999" way back in 1982... and finally, A CHEFFIE plausibly explained the absence of both "Watchmen" and "Beat Dis" from the BBC's otherwise comprehensive "I Love 1987" show [NTK 2001-03-09], revealing "The mere fact that these items appeared in 1987 is no reason for them to appear on the programme. Teletext recently took the Beeb to task for filling this endless programme with needless inaccuracies ('Tucker's Luck' NOT in fact made in 1984, etc). The BBC's response? The show is 'not a documentary'")... continuing the ultra-recent nostalgia, Cheffie was one of several readers who sent us vaguely amusing multiple retranslations from NTK 2001-03-02's http://www.tashian.com/multibabel/ , including Eminem's "I am whatever I say I am. If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?", (or "They are, of that the legend of which they are. If nonreceiving of paper, therefore for which saying me in the morning?"), plus "Some Mothers Do Have 'Em" - which comes out, disturbingly enough, as "Some bases, have". NTK regrets that this correspondence, despite all evidence to the contrary, remains closed... >> SMALL PRINT << Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent. Registered at the Post Office as "After three years of reading NTK, I unfortunately understand almost nothing of what they write. However, I do get the gags - I think. It's very good practice for editing Develop's coding page." - Owain Bennallack, p11, MCV magazine NEED TO KNOW THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK. Archive - http://www.ntk.net/ Unsubscribe? Mail ntknow-unsubscribe@lists.ntk.net Subscribe? Mail ntknow-subscribe@lists.ntk.net NTK now is supported by UNFORTU.NET, and by you: http://www.ntkmart.com/ (K) 2001 Special Projects. Copying is fine, but include URL: http://www.ntk.net/ Tips, news and gossip to tips@spesh.com All communication is for publication, unless you beg. Press releases from naive PR people to pr@spesh.com Remember: Your work email may be monitored if sending sensitive material. Sending >500KB attachments is forbidden by the Geneva Convention. Your country may be at risk if you fail to comply.welcome datacomp