_ _ _____ _ __ <*the* weekly high-tech sarcastic update for the uk>
| \ | |_ _| |/ / _ __ __2001-11-16_ o join! mail an empty message to
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|_| \_| |_| |_|\_\|_| |_|\___/ \_/\_/ o http://www.ntk.net/ "Cookies form the fundamental transmission mechanic that
powers the internet," said Danny Meadows-Klue, chairman of
the Interactive Advertising Bureau.
- the only clue here is the name, and he's even got *that* wrong...
>> HARD NEWS <<
For several weeks now, London has been abuzz with questions
about the "WHO IS LUPO?" baby posters. Questions like: what
shit idea of a teaser campaign is this? Didn't these idiots
give up after that "Who is Dave Matthews" embarrassment?
And, of course, I wonder how bad the fake grassroots website
is? As you'd imagine, whoislupo.com is exactly what an
amateur investigation into the Lupo phenomenon would look
like - if, say, it were designed by an ad agency who learnt
about viral marketing about three weeks ago. "Try the links
to these amazing sister sites we've discovered", offers the
peculiarly well-branded front page, pointing to utterly
independent offerings at www.whoislupo.com/japanese and
www.whoislupo.com/usa . Or why not try our our Flash games?
But don't, whatever you do, actually take the hint and *do*
a whois lookup on whoislupo.com. Because then you'll find
out it's created by a Nathanesque Islington Web design
company that delivers "innovative concepts and scalable
back-end solutions across a diverse range of industries" -
including Volkswagen, makers of the Lupo car. Which anyone
using Google would have discovered weeks ago.
- almost an object lesson in how not to do this
- "hosted by Ovate" - aha! another phantom product!
- thanks Toby; you doing anything with musicnit.com, btw?
Information wants to be free: unless, of course, it's
government information. In that case, with good behaviour,
it could be out of chokey in five years. The Lord Chancellor
and Grand Moff Irvine announced this week that the
implementation of this new-fangled Freedom of Information
Act is to be postponed until 2005 - three years after it was
expected to start. The next few years will be usefully
filled by government departments explaining what sort of
thing they *will* be revealing, just as soon as they've
checked for it behind the sofa. Canada, Ireland - heck, even
Bosnia and Poland took less time than this to organise their
FOIAs. The problem is: will the floodbanks hold until then?
With the judiciary siding with those who use the Data
Protection Act to grab their government files, and everyone
and their mate mining what .gov.uk sites there are, who is
now to stop a "Statistics Office In Exile" site, which could
collate the unavoidable trickles of data into just the
cohesive mass that the government doesn't seem to want let
out? Hell, if the government wants companies to keep
centralised permanent data on every citizens' doing, isn't
it time that someone did the same to them?
- password protected. no, we jest.
- data minefields
With the advertising and publishing industries healthier than
they've ever been - plus of course the stunning lack of "cyber
lifestyle" content available on the internet - now would
indeed appear to be the perfect time to relaunch BLACK ICE,
Brighton's answer to Mondo 2000 magazine (which, for those of
you who don't - or choose not to - remember the early '90s,
was kind of like "Wired", but less sane). "The first issue is
filling up fast", reveals creator and visionary MARK BENNETT -
though there are still opportunities (and maybe even a budget)
for writers, photographers, illustrators, copy editors, ad
managers, web designers and all-round "information omnivores"
to contribute to its - sometimes almost achingly nostalgic -
brand of cutting-edge futurism. But get those submissions in
quickly - it's been 9 years since the previous print edition,
so if you miss the issue 2 deadline, issue 3 might not appear
until the year 2010, by which time we could all be keeping up
with the latest high-tech trends via instantaneous computer
communication networks, or something.
- "Image reproduced in Amiga Format article on 'Cyberpunk'"
- Rosetto's back too: and still not listening to Reason
>> ANTI-NEWS <<
berating the obvious
"PLEASE CONTACT THE FBI" if you can help identify the ALL CAPS
... can't wait to hear about page 3 models called "Iran" and
"Syria": http://www.ntk.net/2001/11/16/dohjordan.jpg ... ah,
Jeeves - still trying to tempt people with those funny Easter
Eggs?: http://www.ntk.net/2001/11/16/dohjeeves.jpg ... Anthrax
vaccination Flash ad, a guide to "handling dead human remains"
- you don't have to be mad to work here, but this might help:
http://www.armymentalhealth.com/ ... at last - "Ground Zero:
The WAP Game": http://www.sonyericssonmobile.com/A2628/ ...
"Did the trippy keyboard scare them off?" thinks PC on right:
... or laugh at the size of the Americans' puny game console!:
... end of the line for http://www.totaljourney.com/ ... FALCO:
... BT OPENWORLD helps prevent 404 errors, banner ad reveals:
... GUARDIAN calls "80C" and "120C" "hat and scarf weather":
- woolly liberals... suspicions about NT engineers confirmed:
http://www.ntk.net/2001/11/16/dohclone.jpg ... isn't that
Dudley Dursley?: http://www.ntk.net/2001/11/16/dohharry.jpg
... Nooooooo! My creations - they're TURNING AGAINST MEEEE!:
>> EVENT QUEUE <<
goto's considered non-harmful
We'd expect a slightly more muted version of this weekend's
STOP THE WAR demonstration (from 12noon, Sunday 2001-11-18,
Hyde Park, London) - they've now moved on to protesting
against the inevitable ethnic infighting caused by installing
an oil-export-friendly puppet administration in Afghanistan,
the patriotism-fuelled restriction of civil liberties in this
country, and the potential expansion of the conflict to Iraq.
Christ, some people are never happy. Of course, you shouldn't
even be reading this if you're already taking part in today's
IRELAND OFFLINE web boycott, intended to highlight the high-
tech magnet's alleged 3000% percent markup in dialup pricing -
and lack of broadband or unmetered services - compared to the
UK. All in all, perhaps the perfect opportunity to catch this
year's LEONID METEOR SHOWERS (this weekend, various venues) -
assuming that they *are* in fact meteors, and not "Day Of The
Triffids"-style satellite weapons platforms dumping their
payloads in the upper atmosphere.
- "Just mercy killings" ( http://thesmokehammer.warprecords.com/ )
- of course they leave *their* site up, the hypocrites
- see, we *do* cover events outside London (every 33 years)
>> TRACKING <<
sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering
There are a million stories in Turing city and
SWEETCODE.ORG, a site humbly devoted to "innovative free
software", has all of the interesting ones. The bastards.
From ROCKS, a program that sets up permanent Net connections
(it's "screen" for all your other ports, CLI fans); to
HASAS, a passive sonar analysis algorithm that finds exactly
which floorboard that rat is under; to a better Graffiti for
Palms; to a P2P PKI; to a new routine for making mosaics of
Christy Turlington out of porn GIFs; to Image Analogies, a
staggering demonstration of where equations can get you when
you throw them at a Van Gogh painting. It's all there, in
one convenient archive. As opposed to dragged out
tantalisingly here for the next twelve weeks, with no
indication of where we nicked each of the links. And god, we
- it's the thinking person's memepool
- looking for a new maintainer, they do say
>> MEMEPOOL <<
hasta la altavista
EBAY, the gathering: http://www.journeymanpress.com/game_ebay.htm
... consider yourself lucky we even answered your http request:
http://www.byjove.com/ ... where your VIM donations go to:
http://www.vim.org/iccf/news.html ... what your BT "donation"
goes on: http://www.genie.co.uk/public/gmail/hotsmsF.html ...
CARMACK's rockets getting close to launching deep space strike
against the Strogg: http://www.armadilloaerospace.com/ ... AMIGA
POWER "Canoe Squad"spinoff: http://kreskytv.com/ ... soon, they'll
be building themselves: http://jpbrown.i8.com/cubesolver.html
... praising God, infringing Lego, and confusing capalert:
... those Christmas gift dilemmas: http://www.eyeties.com/
or http://www.bulletprooftie.com/Product%20Information.htm ?...
win wars with POSITIVE THINKING: http://www.citizenwarrior.com/
... is it JOHN ASHCROFT - or CANCER MAN from the X-Files?:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/world/americas/newsid_1646000/1646295.stmtelnet://towel.blinkenlights.nl/ ... FUCKEDCOMPANY vs FASCISM:
>> GEEK MEDIA <<
get out less
TV>> the ever-reliable C5 provides a misanthropic alternative
to CHILDREN IN NEED NIGHT (from 7pm, Fri, BBC1) with Arnie-
free innercity slaughterfest PREDATOR 2 (10pm, Fri, C5)...
Iain "The 11 O'Clock Show" Lee continues to deny his inner
nerd in intriguingly rebranded "Bits - Minus Two Of The Girl
Presenters" videogame show THUMB BANDITS (11.25pm and 1.45am,
Fri, C4)... and, searching the poorly-publicised listings for
ROCK PROFILE NIGHT (from 10.15pm, Sat, PlayUK), we stumbled
across the curiously low-profile "from the makers of TVGoHome
(soon to be its own TV show)" website adaptation UNNOVATIONS
(10.20pm, Fri, PlayUK)... the hideous "Rock Profile"-style pop
caricatures continue on Sat, when a former Take Thatter
becomes a bland Frank Sinatra impersonator in ONE NIGHT WITH
ROBBIE WILLIAMS (9pm, Sat, BBC1), while Cliff Richard sings
songs that were hits for others during his epic career,
including a scorching "God Save The Queen"/ "Anarchy In The
UK" medley of classics by the Sex Pistols... fleeing this
titanic ratings clash, everyone else gives up with efforts
like I LOVE BLUE PETER (9pm, Sat, BBC2), and period medical
mystery yawn THE MADNESS OF KING GEORGE (8.15pm, Sat, C4) -
both lacking the true historical significance of OMNIBUS:
CHUCK JONES - MR BUGS BUNNY (8.10pm, Sat, BBC2)... the BBC
tackles those "dumbing down" accusations head on in ROLF
[HARRIS] ON ART (6.55pm, Sun, BBC1), to be followed by
"Jeffrey Archer's Guide To Great Literature" and "S Club 7's
History Of Classical Music"... and Mon is overrated cult movie
night, with both EASY RIDER (1am, Mon, C4) and RESERVOIR DOGS
(10pm, Mon, C4) - "Let me tell you what Madonna's 'Into The
Groove' is about: it's about Luke Skywalker attacking the
trench on the Death Star"... there's a Japanese special of
animation anthology HOT REELS (12.05am, Tue, C4)... NTK staff
don't appear until the final episode of "I Love Our Liberated
Modern Age" nudity clip-show TABOO (9.50pm, Wed, BBC2)... Mick
Jagger debates the ending of his "Enigma" movie in BEING MICK
(9pm, Thu, C4)... and middle-class psychotic Jimmy Carr,
former host of "Drunk Review" on E4's short-lived "Show Me The
Funny", presents COMEDY LAB's promising "World Of Corporate
Video" (11.55pm, Thu, C4)...
FILM>> hey kids: chances are, you are *not* the orphaned
secretly-gifted wizard messiah who excitingly flies around
before apparently "turning to the dark side" in the later
films - like that's going to stop you going to overlong CGI
posh kids irritant HARRY POTTER AND THE FRANCHISER'S DREAM
Christmas without Jesus; magic to grow tail on a boy; boy
conversing with a snake; one of the characters is 665.5 years
old; ingenious planning and outstanding attention to detail
rivaling commercial nuclear power production; and all to
present evil as good)... annoyingly, the alternatives aren't
much better, despite the supposed acclaim for teen "American
Beauty"/ "Daria: The Movie" comic-book aimlessness GHOST WORLD
(http://www.screenit.com/movies/2001/ghost_world.html : Enid
[Thora Birch] shows some cleavage; Enid tears up a notice and
throws it to the ground; Enid briefly sports a multi-colored
dye job in her hair)... and completing the "pesky kids" theme,
two vaguely incestuous coming-of-age limited releases: DISCO
PIGS (http://www.bbfc.co.uk/ : rated 15 for coarse language
and some strong violence and sexual references) and MY BROTHER
TOM (imdb comment: utterly facile, regressive, self-indulgent,
anti-establishment, anti-civilisation juvenilia)...
>> SMALL PRINT <<
Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
Registered at the Post Office as
"pretty, I feel pretty"
NEED TO KNOW
THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK.
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