Need To Know 2001-02-16

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_ _ _____ _ __ <*the* weekly high-tech sarcastic update for the uk> | \ | |_ _| |/ / _ __ __2001-02-16_ o join! mail an empty message to | \| | | | | ' / | '_ \ / _ \ \ /\ / / o ntknow-subscribe@lists.ntk.net | |\ | | | | . \ | | | | (_) \ v v / o website (+ archive) lives at: |_| \_| |_| |_|\_\|_| |_|\___/ \_/\_/ o http://www.ntk.net/ Q: Will the virus impact my Macintosh if I am using a non-Microsoft e-mail program, such as Eudora? A: If you are using a Macintosh e-mail program that is not from Microsoft, we recommend checking with that particular company. But most likely other e-mail programs like Eudora are not designed to enable virus replication. http://www.microsoft.com/mac/products/office/2001/virus_alert.asp ...email client not spreading viruses properly? Upgrade to Outlook today! >> HARD NEWS << set filters to "rude" Make $$$ on the Internet, part n+1: for many webmasters, it's a dream come true - after your URL (say, cult hit "Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About") appears in the Guardian Editor (2001-02-02), another newspaper rings up and asks if they can publish the content for UKP800, to tie in with the split between Kidman and Cruise. But... it's The Mail On Sunday, and you say "no". But... they go ahead and print it anyway, now with different names (a bit like that time The Graham Norton Show faked the call with the guy behind the Joan Collins glove fetish page). When confronted over this remarkable liberty-taking, the Mail then guiltily offer you twice the original sum (make $$$, remember!), but you're left wondering: is this penance enough, especially when your colleagues (at "The Weekly") include those scourges of big-IP- thievery, Jonathan Nash and Stuart Campbell, who successfully sued EMAP in early 1998 for putting their entire website on the coverdisk of a rival magazine? http://homepage.ntlworld.com/mil.millington/things.html - vs http://www.theweekly.co.uk/mail_on_sunday.gif http://www.ntk.net/index.cgi?back=archive98/now0904.txt&line=293#l - one thing Millington and his girlfriend *can* agree on http://www.ntk.net/index.cgi?back=archive99/now0402.txt&line=44#l - now immortalised on Norton's "Best Of" video and DVD http://www.ntk.net/index.cgi?back=archive98/now0123.txt&line=68#l - also alleged that they "sniff cat's bums for thrills" The US government hearings on the behaviour of ICANN continued, with a proud Senate declaring that they were probably the best people to guard the needs of the entire Net community. "We think of the United States as cutting edge.", said Senator Boxer, "If we don't take the ball and run with it I don't know what would happen!" she said. Well, the rest of the world play football with our *feet*, senator, but that's by the by. We look forward to US govt's swift justice regarding two oddly underreported stories of DNS-related high-jinks this week. Firstly, NSI's amazingly brazen flogging of its whois data: "The VeriSign/Network Solutions domain registration database", they say, "is available for the first time ever. Approximately 6 million unique customers, sliced and diced for you to target prospects". Nice. There's an opt out, written in invisible ink and hidden under one of the root servers: you might want to read the PRIVACY DIGEST's full report to find out what is. And secondly, after n+1 years of being peculiarly banned from registrations (largely, in true Queen Victoria stylee, because Jon Postel didn't like the idea), fuck.com was finally snatched (as was another word that's semantically related to "snatched"). Wasn't that kind of arbitrary? And isn't this the sort of thing which ICANN is supposed to equably resolve? Come on, Senators, where's your "cutting edge" now? http://www.vortex.com/privacy/priv.10.03 - information on how to unslice and undice your personal details http://networksolutions.com/cgi-bin/whois/whois?STRING=fuck.com - we meant cunt.com, of course http://www.links.net/webpub/fuck.com.html - Sue for lost earnings, Justin! http://194.128.65.4/pa/cm200001/cmselect/cmcumeds/161/u161-602.htm - like we do any better - search for "giga" So what does the Premier Plus service mean for Thus users? Well, this week it meant over twelve hours outage - making Valentine's day particularly isolating for the average Demonite. To make matters worse, though - or at least vaguely different for Demon - tech support was similarly borked, so that none of their staff could actually hear the customers complaining. Apparently they'd just pick up the phone, say "Hello? Hello? Is there anyone there?", then hang up, tutting solicitously. How much more lonely could you make these people feel? http://www.demon.net/helpdesk/status/status2.shtml - YOUR NETWORK'S BROKEN, DEAR! YOUR N-E-T-W-O-R-K! >> ANTI-NEWS << berating the obvious FALCO six FUTURE mags, including DCUK and MP3 MAGAZINE - in accordance with NTK prophecy [2000-04-14]... "Son of Satan - Suck That Black Worm Jism" not the corporate byline the P's had hoped for: http://www.ars.org.uk/View.shtml ... Reg's KIEREN MCCARTHY again proves sensitivity in "matters of the heart": http://www.theregister.co.uk/content/28/16903.html ... German to English http://babel.altavista.com/ translation of http://www.amazon.de/exec/obidos/ASIN/B000056HS5/ reveals adventures of "Buffy The IrishIrish Irish Slayer", and her boyfriend, "Fishing Rod"... he should've REMOTE VIEWED 'em: http://www.psitech.net/news/legal/lawsuit.htm ... what's wrong with this: http://www.1callnow.com (hint: "Order Now" goes to: http://pc2pc.virtualave.net/1CallNow_com%20-%20Sign%20Up%20Form.htm - harvests cc info via unencrypted frontpage extension)... *another* low-earth satellite constellation burns up in FALCO: http://biz.yahoo.com/prnews/010208/va_orbcomm.html ... >> EVENT QUEUE << goto's considered non-harmful Following an unsubstantiated incident in which he "put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time", surreal deadpan king (and "Super Sounds of the Seventies" DJ in Reservoir Dogs) STEVEN WRIGHT has now rescheduled his UK tour to take in the LONDON DOMINION THEATRE (Sun 2001-02-18 and 25), BRIGHTON CORN EXCHANGE (Mon 2001-02-19), WULFRUN HALL WOLVERHAMPTON (Wed 2001-02-21) and the LIVERPOOL ROYAL COURT THEATRE (Fri 2001-02-23). Wright postponed the gigs from last November due to a "severe ear infection", despite having previously alleged: "You know when you're rocking in a rocking chair, and you go so far that you almost fall over backwards, but at the last instant you catch yourself? That's how I feel all the time." http://www.soloagency.com/html/Steven_Wright.htm - what actually happens: http://www.kilty.com/coffee.htm http://www.potato.org.uk/chipweek/ - the British Potato Council present: National Chip Week 2001 >> TRACKING << sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering The perl5-porters and their monkish acolytes huddle around camp fires at the base of Mount Imparseable, where Larry convenes with the spirit of The More Than One Way. If absolute peace is maintained, he will soon return with the Three-Hundred-And-Sixty-One Tablets of Perl 6. But as they wait, in the pre-dawn East the sickly glow of RUBY grows stronger. Yes, Ruby, the language that says it's like Smalltalk (but is really cleaner Perlish syntax with better-than-Python-OOP and Satherish iteration) has traditionally been trapped in Japan by the Great Font Divide, unable to vex its Western ancestor. But no more. The rods are cast in twain; Addison-Wesley have a book out. They've open sourced the reference section, and Dr. Dobbs, that gullible old gatekeeper, has even written a tutorial in January's issue. Larry is wise, and strong. But remember how his one regret was he didn't get to a Christian missionary? Guess what Ruby's creator used to be? A missionary in Hiroshima, Larry. In Hiroshima. http://www.perl.com/pub/2001/02/14/p6p.html - ""What *is* going on over there, anyway?", cries ESR http://www.pragmaticprogrammer.com/ruby/downloads/refman.html - the missionary stuff is in comp.lang.ruby (deja RIP) http://www.ddj.com/articles/2001/0101/0101b/0101b.htm - only DDJ would do their URLs in binary >> MEMEPOOL << hasta la altavista they put a man on the moon, but what do they put in the COFFEE? http://dailynews.yahoo.com/h/wjla/20010212/lo/20010212002.html ... http://bbspot.com/toys/slashtitle/ - promising, but can it also generate "Homoerotic Slashdot Post Of The Week"?: http://slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=01/02/11/216225&cid=21 ... ... THE SCOUTS http://www.scoutbase.org.uk/hq-info/image/ get their http://www.enormicon.com/08.html badge at last... now, please wash your hands before taping CHUCK D's fave show for him: http://www.publicenemy.com/terrordome.php?item=27 - he's a rebel without a pause (button)... where's KEVIN? #1: http://www.contentville.com/expert/e_index_magazine.asp ... so, will PS2 and X-BOX do authentic 2D sprites and attribute clash? http://www.computerandvideogames.com/story.cfm?sid=2201 ... we promise, we'll never run another "funny name" meme again: http://www.sis.gov.eg/egyptinf/culture/html/mmm.htm ... ... WOMBLING somewhat more complex than previously suspected: http://www.biomedware.com/Help/GEM/About_wombling.htm ... wha- ssup, DOC-TOR? http://rtf.kracked.com/shite/drwhotrue.avi ... where's KEVIN? #2: http://tv.cream.org/gorilla/winkery/ ... CHRIS MORRIS imitates NATHAN BARLEY imitating - oh, never mind: http://www.warprecords.com/bluejam/barguide/ ... >> GEEK MEDIA << the less rude www.tvgohome.com TV>> OK, so our much-vaunted appearance on RIGHT TO REPLY (7.30pm, Fri, C4) was basically a more "serious" adaptation of http://www.guardian.co.uk/Archive/Article/0,4273,4118407,00.html with most of the jokes taken out - but, hey, Warren Ellis!... Sky once again prove their scheduling mastery with back-to- back crossover episodes of BUFFY (8pm, Fri, Sky1) and ANGEL (9pm)... and the rest of the week it's Nazis, Nazis, Nazis - again - with the paratrooper invasion of Crete in TIMEWATCH (9pm, Fri, BBC2), Operation Barbarossa in THE WORLD AT WAR (8.05pm, Sun, BBC2), Rudolph Hess in HITLER'S HENCHMEN (8pm, Sun, C5), subtly-titled three-part docu NAZI WOMEN (9pm, Mon, C4) plus, of course, the still jaw-dropping anti-sci-fi epic STARSHIP TROOPERS (9pm, Tue, C5) - part of an unofficial Verhoeven season which also includes his "lost masterpiece", SHOWGIRLS (10pm, Sun, C4)... giant insects similarly roam through average George "A-Team" Peppard '70s post-apocalypser DAMNATION ALLEY (12.20am, Sat, BBC1) - great truck, though: http://www.geocities.com/Baja/Desert/7445/thelandmaster.htm ... other themes of the week include '80s brat-pack movies, with C5 counterprogramming CLASS (11.40pm, Sat) against the end of THE BREAKFAST CLUB (10.50pm, Sat, BBC2), itself followed by DINER (12.20am, Sat, BBC2)... and cannibalism, in pre-Hannibal Miami Vice Radiophonic Workshop workout MANHUNTER (10pm, Mon, C4), new docu series CANNIBAL (10pm, Tue, C4) - intriguingly scheduled against a "Sausage Wars" episode of BLOOD ON THE CARPET (9.50pm, Tue, BBC2) - plus NATIONAL VELVET (3.35pm, Sat, BBC2), which features a horse tantalisingly named "The Pie"... THE SHAPE OF THINGS THAT HUM (2.20am, Sun, C4) squelches over the Roland TB-303... Matthew "Scream" Lillard and Keri "Felicity" Russell enliven urban-myth teen- killer DEAD MAN'S CURVE (11.15pm, Wed, BBC1)... while Douglas Rushkoff is this week's goggle-eyed guest on DISINFO NATION (1.10am, Thu, C4), apparently explaining "media viruses" and why there's no "us" and "them" any more. No Doug, nowadays it's just "us" and "you"... FILM>> nice visuals, but Ridley Scott, as usual, forgets to check if what he's filming has any kind of plot, in graphic sub-standard Silence sequel HANNIBAL (http://www.screenit.com : we see [Gary Oldman] [...] with his pants around his ankles - and a very brief, but disorienting shot of what looks like the lower part of [Oldman's] bare butt)... David Mamet cuts back on the swearing in magic-of-moviemaking Waiting For Guffman-esque goof-off STATE AND MAIN (http://www.screenit.com : we see a great deal of [Sarah Jessica Parker's] nude leg [...] and it's heavily implied that the rest of her is nude as well)... while reader Lloyd Wood - who, we imagine, has no reason to lie - attests that he saw the word "Minging" in a bus ad for David Spade Disney feelgooder THE EMPEROR'S NEW GROOVE (http://www.capalert.com : Thank you, Disney. You did good ... this time. It is, however, a bitter pill to swallow knowing you have done things like Kids, Chasing Amy, and Pulp Fiction [Hebr. 5:14])... otherwise it's the titanic faceoff between two hotly awaited CCG/RPG game adaptations: Pokemon- but-in-The-Matrix-universe knock-off DIGIMON - THE MOVIE (http://www.screenit.com : we hear a farting sound from a young Digimon and then see some excrement on the floor below it - this is later repeated; in the short film preceding the main attraction, several animated characters hit or throw things that hit a robot)... or Jeremy "Die Hard 3" Irons, Marlon "Scary Movie" Wayans, Tom "Dr Who" Baker, Richard "The Crystal Maze" O'Brien and Thora "Songs Of Praise" Birch - together at last! - in cleric-free CGI-packed effects-fest DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS (http://www.capalert.com : many, many images of a form fitting breastplate - female; snakelike parasite crawling under skin and coming out ears, repeatedly; decayed human remains talking and giving instructions; open mouth kissing; portrayal of magic as the "Force" - ref: Star Wars(tm) - giving balance to all things)... THE "VICTORIAN AFFECTATION" (being our new catch-all term for books, magazines, or other print-based entertainment)>> you know how it is: we rewrite our bestselller-analysing script, then Amazon UK go and stop doing email updates and put all their sales reports on the web like Amazon US. Anyway, a snapshot of what you were buying until the start of last week persists at http://www.ntk.net/books/ , complete with automated attempts to locate UK books on the US site (note occasional "guesses" at US equivalents, where exact matches may not be immediately apparent). Oh, and the reporting software appears to have elided several different episodes of the wildly popular THE ADVENTURES OF ROBINSON CRUSOE (DVD or VHS); no such explanation appears to account for the three separate purchases of KIDS FROM FAME [SOUNDTRACK], making this jaunty '80s stage-school Popstars-alike NTK Readers' Favourite Album Of All Time... the rest of the chart continues to be dominated by contemporary fiction, programming manuals and, of course, Neal Stephenson, making us duty-bound to highlight the rerelease of his ebullient 1980s campus-caper debut THE BIG U http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0380816032/needtoknow0e - oh, and word on the international intelligence grapevine is that James Bamford's sequel to THE PUZZLE PALACE is out in April, snappily titled "Body of Secrets: Anatomy of the Ultra- Secret National Security Agency: From the Cold War Through the Dawn of a New Century" which, Star Trek-style, would surely benefit from a flash on the cover saying "NOT Officially Endorsed By The Ultra-Secret NSA!"... stuff we *have* read includes: BRUCE STERLING's greatest Spice-Girls -meet-nettime-meets-a-bunch-of-Turks-in-a-dark-alley novel yet, ZEITGEIST (hardcover, UKP17.08), a futuristic glimpse at the really big issues of 1997. Damn that publishing lagtime!... GLYN MOODY revives an old Wired UK article - which became http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/5.08/linux.html - for the core of Penguin's REBEL CODE: LINUX AND THE OPEN SOURCE REVOLUTION (RRP12.99) - starts well, with loads of Linus/ Sinclair QL/ Prince Of Persia scene-setting, though the second half just regurgitates open-source press releases... and, finally, a reader known only as "H0L" brought us bang up to date, while maintaining the Victorian connection, by planning to buy an ebook solely "to read all the great old literature they have on http://www.blackmask.com ". Titles include Sir Samuel Baker's THE RIFLE AND THE HOUND IN CEYLON http://www.blackmask.com/books18c/rifledex.htm , an upbeat travelogue containing invaluable big-game tourism advice like "From the peculiar formation of the head, it is almost impossible to kill a bull elephant by the forehead shot". It's the stuff Rough Guides just don't tell you... >> SMALL PRINT << Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent. Registered at the Post Office as "your power is no match against our patented P2P screengrab technology" http://www.ntk.net/2001/02/16/dohdave.jpg NEED TO KNOW THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK. Archive - http://www.ntk.net/ Unsubscribe? Mail ntknow-unsubscribe@lists.ntk.net Subscribe? Mail ntknow-subscribe@lists.ntk.net NTK now is supported by UNFORTU.NET, and by you: http://www.ntkmart.com/ (K) 2001 Special Projects. Copying is fine, but include URL: http://www.ntk.net/ Tips, news and gossip to tips@spesh.com All communication is for publication, unless you beg. 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