Need To Know 2000-06-16

archive

"When you people do business with artists, you have to take a different view of things. We want to be treated with the respect that now goes to Web designers." - COURTNEY LOVE, member of the "slave-class" http://www.salon.com/tech/feature/2000/06/14/love/ ...swap you the free Adobe mousemat for drugs, groupies >> HARD NEWS << universal abuse Oh, so *now* everyone's saying RIP's bad? As the bill enters the Lords, the Guardian ("disgraceful"), the Observer ("your privacy ends here"), the Financial Times ("objectionable"), the Independent ("crass"), the Evening Standard ("a nightmare out of George Orwell") and even Computer Weekly ("torpedo the bill") finally spotted the deliberate mistakes. Jack Straw took up the shaky defence: the idea of "black boxes" sending data to the new interception centre from ISPs was ridiculous, he wrote to the Times. Hmm. Given that the Home Office's own commissioned report described the nature of these boxes in some detail, what replacement does he have in mind? Encrypted pigeon post? On a second front in the Financial Times, his letter pooh-poohed the British Chamber of Commerce's estimate of up to 46 billion UKP lost by e-commerce skiddadling abroad post-RIP. Nonsense, he said: e-commerce only amounts to 0.6% of GDP: less than five billion. But the Chamber was talking about over five years, Minister; and they were using *your* estimates of a global e-commerce marketplace of 800UKP billion by 2005, with a 5% hold in the UK (2.5% with RIP in place). Incidentally, your estimate's off a bit: IDC research guessed last week that the worldwide market would bring in $1700 billion (1100UKP billion) in *three* years time. Although frankly, we stopped counting after the first billion pounds worth of tax revenue. How many black boxes you could buy with that? http://www.homeoffice.gov.uk/oicd/techcost.pdf - about as many as you'd need http://www.fipr.org/rip/ - getting a bit hot in here God knows, we now have a in-depth knowledge of mail gateway filtering - for those of you not reading this, for example, the www.isfuckingbrilliant.com link in memepool meant this wasn't delivered to your work address. Sorry. But some bounces are stranger than others. Take the Redhat developer who was asked to mark all his mail UNCLASSIFIED before it was accepted by an Australian defence site. Or this sinister message, received by someone trying to mail a friend at London Electricity: "London Electricity has... temporarily stopped this e-mail. If the attachment is found not to comply with company policy, the message may be deleted and, in certain circumstances, action will be taken against the LE staff member who has sent the message or was the intended recipient." Sacking people because they get sent attachments? Is this some kind of remote-controlled Falco? http://www.londonelec.co.uk/ - devoting rather too much energy to us, we think http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_6686.html - but do be careful where you're bouncing them to It says something about a man that he can still throw a hell of a party, even while dead. The string of Paul Farrington [NTK 2000-05-05] wakes reaches a peak this Saturday 2230, when friends of Paul meet at Unit Q, Liquid Studio, Wallace Road, Hackney Wick (dir. opp. Hackney Wick BR statin). Dresscode: stupid, rubber, or s&m, it says here, although we're betting a mexican look would fit right in. And for all intents and purposes, you too are now a friend of Paul - "who would have promptly abandoned any party which contained only people he already knew". Our suggestion: invite along that very cool person you've fancied for ages. Or that quiet smart kid you've wanted to spend more time with. Be nice. Be nicer. Send GIFs. http://www1.cex.co.uk/about/default.asp?page=ftn - don't bring a hard drive you want checking out >> ANTI-NEWS << berating the obvious http://www.davidicke.com/ says NETWORK SOLUTIONS part of international Illuminati conspiracy - well, duh... Falco takes THE-BULLET.COM (always thought that Friday newsletter idea was doomed) ... will the public never tire of public MACOS crashes? http://www.ntk.net/2000/06/16/dohohare.jpg ... instant FALCOed by everyone: http://www.recordtv.com/ ... "diversity of wildlife around Chernobyl stuns biologists", says unduly upbeat report... spot the bored headline writers http://www.ntk.net/2000/06/16/dohetry.jpg ... a more epic form: http://www.ntk.net/2000/06/16/dohlycos.gif ... i've seen things you people wouldn't believe: wheely-bins on fire off the A34: http://www.thisiswalsall.co.uk/ ... polite hint to http://www.the-times.co.uk/fantasy/ coders: using consecutive pins from 123400 upwards really isn't that secure ... http://www.ntk.net/2000/06/16/dannybaker.gif : figures ... >> EVENT QUEUE << goto's considered non-harmful No, this isn't "Yet Another" plug for YET ANOTHER PERL CONFERENCE 19100; last week's issue incorrectly implied that YAPC was this week, when in fact it's next week - we can never remember which of those pesky localtime() indices start with 1 or 0. Anyway, going by the number of tips we've received about it, it's not going to be a patch on the VXSLAB BIRTHDAY PARTY (from 8pm, Sat 2000-06-17, a "strange North London location"), featuring free booze, fireworks, geek DJs, "Pure Perl code generating 'dance music' and ambience - some of this perl will be written live", plus, of course, "live electronica from the legendary Ashley Pomeroy, live via 10mb ethernet from a small box in the corner of the room". Can these guys show you a good time, or what? http://www.lurk.org/birthday/ - "Look, over there - someone's having a 'good time'..." http://www.noaltgirls.org/tech_nicks/ - meanwhile, NTK fave 386DX plays "Living Mute", Fri 23-Sun 25 http://www.dcs.warwick.ac.uk/bshm/meetings.html#crypt - next week: trips to see noted historical comedy, U-571 >> TRACKING << sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering We can't quite see the Omigo/AOL Instant Messaging fracas as being the next "battle for the desktop", frankly. Man, it's only *chat*. But if your Linux desktop is currently being occupied by the amassed forces of weirdo incompatible IM clients, maybe you should try EVERYBUDDY, the slutty chat client that does it with everyone. AIM, Yahoo, MSN and ICQ support is included; multiple accounts can be attached to single individuals, and the interface doesn't look like it was created with a Glade-enabled crayon. It's not quite the high-falutin' super-engineered project of the Jabber guys - but man, it's only *chat*. http://www.everybuddy.com/ - altho every other Freshmeat package is a IM client these days http://www.jabber.org/ - dem call me Mr_Loverman310 >> MEMEPOOL << hasta la altavista Foo Quest as the next "Zen and the Art of Foo" ... in that Slashdot ad for Open Source Magazine, has someone poked out Tux's eyes, or what? ... whatever happened to Miss Boo? http://www.skintwo.co.uk/fetishdoll/fetishdoll.htm ... graphic teletext http://www.bsc.org.uk/bullitin/cnttxt.htm ... watch Nathan go potty with time-lapse POWERPOINT: http://www.research.microsoft.com/acm97/nm/tsld032.htm ... Barley o' the week: http://www.chinwag.com/uk-netmarketing/msg01281.shtml ... WAPped to death - http://www.freeprotocols.org/wapTrap/one/main.html brutally honest FAQs: http://www.connex.co.uk/connex/faq.nsf/wFAQ vs http://www.isfuckingbrilliant.com/faq/ ... life imitates South Park: http://www.ananova.com/news/story/crime_us-animal-cruelty_39859.html just don't blame us when he's in a smartgroups ad: http://www.geocities.com/walters_mission/ ... >> GEEK MEDIA << the less rude http://www.tvgohome.com/ TV>> after apparently being completely taken in by fake "extreme wrestling" (as previously exposed by Louis Theroux), RUBY WAX'S AMERICAN PIE (10pm, Sun, BBC2) continues its (unintentional?) theme of falling for well-known media hoaxes, with a visit to Ron Harris, who sells supermodel eggs online: www.ntk.net/index.cgi?back=archive99/now1029.txt&line=52#l ... in place of virtual reality, the Wachowski brothers settle on lipstick lesbianism as the gimmick for their pre-Matrix debut BOUND (10pm, Sun, C4)... and Mark Cousins presents a double- bill of dated-looking Nic Roeg eroticism, starting with obligatory Jenny Agutter nudity yawn WALKABOUT (from 10pm, Sun, BBC2)... unamusing "insights" into the nature of comedy punctuate an unamusing live set of STAND UP WITH ALAN DAVIES (10.40pm, Mon, BBC1)... another great excuse not to hoover, as EAT DIRT (9pm, Tue, C4) proposes that dirt and germs are essential for a healthy immune system - just like hackers highlight vital security flaws, eh kids?... while WHO WOULD WANT TO MARRY A MILLIONAIRE? (9pm, Wed, C4) combines all the benefits of showing the notorious US publicity backfire, plus all the critical distance of a serious documentary... RIVER DEEP, MOUNTAIN HIGH (8pm, Thu, BBC1) transplants the usual poorly play-tested survival contests to the Lake District - hopefully featuring the Ike & Tina Turner wife-beating anthem of the same name... it's Terminator rip-off week on C5 - again - with Mario Van Peebles playing rogue cyborg soldier SOLO (9pm, Thu, C5)... and the BBC celebrates 10 years of THE SIMPSONS (6pm, Fri, BBC2) - albeit on a totally different channel, notes the show's least enthusiatic fanatic, over at http://www.buzzcola.co.uk/simpsons/bbc/#night ... FILM>> it's extensively re-cut (with sex scenes featuring completely different actors), and wildly derivative of everything from "Event Horizon" to "The Fly" - but hey, it's *big-screen sci-fi*, as James "Stargate" Spader and Angela "Strange Days" Bassett justify some suitably explosive digital F/X in SUPERNOVA (http://www.screenit.com/: Lou Diamond Phillips plays a medical technician who has sex with Danika, becomes obsessed with the alien artifact, and briefly uses profanity)... "Back To The Future meets The Sixth Sense" - ie "The Sixth Sense, but with some sort of plot" - claims the poster for intricate cross-causality save-your-parents fantasy FREQUENCY (imdb: time-travel / firefighting / ham-radio / serial-killer / world-series / nurse / alternate-timeline / police / aurora-borealis / skeleton / baseball) - a superstring-enabled adaptation of the Mike And The [Quantum] Mechanics song "In The Living Years"... Sam "Evil Dead" Raimi remakes "Jerry Maguire" in erratically-articled FOR THE LOVE OF GAME (http://www.capalert.com/ : immoral cohabitation between an unmarried heterosexual couple who engage in all manner of behavior), with Kelly Preston in exactly the same role, and Kevin Costner as a bloke attempting a "perfect game" of baseball, which seems to be similar to the time that guy clocked Pacman or something... leaving this week's only major dud: Sandra Bullock rehabilitating everything *except her career* in ill-judged alcoholism comedy 28 DAYS (imdb: alcohol- abuse / drug-rehabilitation / rehabilitation / sister / wedding / alcohol-problem / alcohol / motor-car-crash / drug- abuse / drug-overdose)... FEEBDACK>> (In something resembling chronological order, for once.) Following the remarkable "Why does the Onion keep stealing all our jokes?" allegations from Smeg magazine [NTK 2000-05-26], keen-eyed STEVEN SNEDKER realised that psychic clairvoyance offers yet another explanation: Smeg claim they "wrote the original version 3 years ago", yet the line "hot sweaty rest-room meeting with pop star George Michael" is oddly prophetic of Michael's actual arrest in April 1998: http://mrshowbiz.go.com/archive/news/Todays_Stories/980409/michael40998.html - just over two years ago... our "musical soundalike" section [NTK 2000-06-02] looks set to return to its regular monthly slot (unless we receive more complaints - and soon!), with ALAN "HAMILTON" CONNOR wishing he'd mentioned his own "crackpot theory" that "Britney's ['Oops I Did It Again'] derives its chorus melody from Woman In Love as performed by Barbara Streisand", and ADRIAN MOULDER contending that the Buffalo Girls' "Really Saying Something" was clearly "based on NTK favourites DAPHNE AND CELESTE's entire [one-hit] career", further noting that D&C's latest release, "U.G.L.Y", "does not appear to be a cover of the Pop Will Eat Itself track of the same name"... bang up-to-date now, thanks to everyone who spotted that a) LineOne is no longer part-owned by News International [NTK 2000-06-09] ("the Great Satan used to have a one-third stake in us", writes one relieved employee), but by United News And Media (ie The Daily Express), and b) that the "Transdiffusion" CD [also 2000-06-09] doesn't seem to be free either, despite both our claims to the contrary... and finally, sightings flooded in for last week's "Confectionery Theory" listings of: COLA SMARTIES (opinions range from "More boring than ordinary Smarties" to "Shouldn't work, but they do"); the previously unsuspected JELLY AND ICE CREAM FRUIT PASTILLES ("A bit of a revelation, though making every second one the slightly sickly vanilla is a bit much"); "Frozen Carbonated Drink" ICE BLAST (not sampled, but now emblazoning the side of the "Playstation" ride on Blackpool Pleasure Beach); and, finally, NESTLE ROWNTREE BURSTING BUGS, which "have been available almost a week from Miles newsagents on Cheetham Hill Road in Manchester (they always have the latest special editions and newest products!)". "The fun," our correspondent writes, "is bursting them - they go like boils given the right sort of squeeze between the fingers, the sweet red ichor being a bit too thick to truly squirt", eliciting the comment "like something just had an orgasm in my mouth" from one colleague. NTK regrets that this correspondence is now closed... >> SMALL PRINT << Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it one Friday or print it out then take it home if you have nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent. Registered at the Post Office as "distinctly scabarous" (Q Magazine, p152) NEED TO KNOW THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK. Archive - http://www.ntk.net/ Unsubscribe? Mail ntknow-unsubscribe@lists.ntk.net Subscribe? Mail ntknow-subscribe@lists.ntk.net NTK now is supported by UNFORTU.NET, and by you: http://www.ntk.net/books (K) 2000 Special Projects. Copying is fine, but include URL: http://www.ntk.net/ Tips, news and gossip to tips@spesh.com Press releases from naive PR people to pr@spesh.com Remember: Your work email may be monitored if sending sensitive material. Sending >500KB attachments is forbidden by the Geneva Convention. Your country may be at risk if you fail to comply.