Need To Know 2000-05-12

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"Flash is everything Java applets were supposed to be. People are putting it in cars and cell phones. I think it's the way to display ads in Times Square or read books in an e-book. It's an exciting time to be a Flash developer." - PHILLIP TORRONE, excited Flash developer http://www.wired.com/news/technology/0,1282,35927,00.html ...don't get a lift home with this guy >> HARD NEWS << dearth of clues A hushed public awaits: and, in the pages of Time magazine, Bill Gates puts THE CASE FOR MICROSOFT. But years of conviction play with a man's recollection. Every every one of Bill's arguments points to the company's guiltiest moments. With a split Microsoft, he begins, a future MS "tablet PC" with handwriting recognition would not exist, because Microsoft's OS and App developers need "real-time collaboration" to pull it off. But MS had designs on a "tablet PC" before: when they wrote Pen Windows, a piece of FUDware designed to kill Jerry Kaplan's GO. Back then, Microsoft bristled at any suggestion that their OS and App departments colluded. Now the party line is that it's vital for the consumer. In 1991, Gates goes on to explain, MS Office developers invented the toolbar. "Had toolbars been created elsewhere, they no doubt would have been patented and never incorporated into Windows [as the taskbar]". How very true: except toolbars *were* invented elsewhere. In MacPaint. In 1984. At that point, Gates entered into a secret agreement with Apple to use Mac-ish features in the Windows OS, in return for developing apps for the Mac (no monopoly here: yet). Moving to modern day concerns: Bill says that the DOJ scheme would slow down innovation, impeding "Windows updates that could protect against attacks like the Love Bug virus". As opposed to now, when Microsoft denies liability for the jelly-weak security of Outlook? Gates end with his own horrific vision, post-Microsplit: Apps and OS mini-Bills that could never work together, because the DOJ demands that "no technical information can be discussed that is not 'simultaneously available' to the entire computer industry - which would be a practical impossibility". An impossibility, of course, which open source projects - and hell, most of the rest of the industry - manage every day. Except, that is, when Microsoft sues for publishing MS's proprietary extensions to their work. And this is the case *for*? http://www.time.com/time/magazine/articles/0,3266,44557-2,00.html - well, that is where my theory just falls to the ground http://www.headgap.com/~macstar/macpaint/About_MacPaint.html - cute pictures of old Mac apps to take bad taste away http://www.microsoft.com/presspass/features/2000/04-27tv2.asp - this isn't helping, is it http://www.ntk.net/2000/05/12/dohlove.JPG - the smoking gun! (see centre right) More ILOVEYOU anthems: The DERBY EVENING TELEGRAPH reports that the Tory leader of Derby City Council was sent a mysterious fax, containing the secret code of the virus. The police recommend that she send them a copy for forensic study, then destroy it: demonstrating that it still had destructive viral properties, even in this weakened form. Similarly, the Guardian gave a clue to the Nam-Shub nature of the attachment when they revealed it was written in "Virtual Basic". When the alleged creator was caught - as prophesied, in the Philippines, his sinister black-ice powers served to hide his trail. Scrambled news reporters variously listed his name as Reomel Ramones, Rommel Lamores, Rommel Lamore, Rommel Ramores, Riomel Lamores, Reomel Ramones, and Reonel Rameon. And the mutations are increasing at an exponential rate. http://www.hackernews.com/ - for tracking the name changes http://www.guardianunlimited.co.uk/Archive/Article/0,4273,4015243,00.html - for creating some of them http://www.derby.org/lovebug.htm - for best coverage They say that Vegas in its heart hates Comdex, because geeks never bet. So, in the hope that we're not playing into their loss-leading, addict-begging, ever-loving arms, here's an intriguing offer from William Hill's offshore gambling site. You get a 50% cashback on your first bet, up to 50UKP. So: find an event with only two outcomes. Bet 100UKP on the favourite. Bet the 50UKP return on the alternative. Sign off, delete the cookie, and return to your non-sporting life to spend the cash on a proper addiction. http://www.willhill.com/ - the first one's always for free >> ANTI-NEWS << berating the obvious "I built it" - and made it rather too "easily" accessible: http://www.ntk.net/2000/05/12/doheasily.jpg ... new BT TV ad depicts mum getting "engaged" tone while daughter online; daughter miraculously maintains connection... meta tags at http://www.alton-towers.co.uk/ cross-promote Legoland, EuroDisney... because "METALLICA's integrity" on eBay went already: http://www.ntk.net/2000/05/12/dohmetallica.gif ... BLOCKBUSTER unveils secret video-on-demand backbone: http://www.ntk.net/2000/05/12/dohblock.jpg ... for once, not a novelty auction: http://search.ebay.co.uk/ ... "This is hyped to be bigger than lastminute.com IPO floatation", reassures http://www.toca.co.uk/ ... importance of staying "on massage": (top left at) http://www.kofex.com/english/kofex/ceo.asp ... ... ROB ZOMBIE to make horror movie... yeah, like LOS ALAMOS wasn't goading Nature to "have a go"... >> EVENT QUEUE << goto's considered non-harmful Best excuse for not going to E3, with its zany reports of Bleem for Dreamcast and all: "I have to take part in 'Coagulum', this Saturday's direct-action art prank intended to clog the main thoroughfare of KINGSTON SHOPPING CENTRE with a large, circular, rugby-style scrum." Apparently they're meeting at Fairfield Recreation Ground, Kingston, 1.30pm 2000-05-13 - could be a complete washout of course, but could rival even "Chu Chu Rocket" if it caught on. http://www.core-design.com/newlara/newlara.htm - or continue fantasising over new, *younger* Lara Croft >> TRACKING << sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering Too paranoid to use your shell account from those unusual cyber cafe machines? Sure, you're using ssh - no problems, right? You'll be glad to know some of the more frustrating compatibility snafus with ssh may be going away now that the knights of OpenSSH have wrestled the ssh2 protocol away from the dark side. So, that's the network sorted - but what about those pesky local key-loggers? Well, for on-the-road access we'll packing a PDA with OPIE, an open replacement for Bellcore's (apparently abandoned) One Time Password S/KEY system. With support for OTP in openssh we'll soon be able to sit back, sipping our overpriced lattes, worrying about some of the more obscure vunerabilites. http://www.openssh.com/ - maybe ssh.com should move to a t-shirt based funding model? http://www.ntk.net/2000/05/12/tracking.html - persuade your boss you need a Palm "for work" >> MEMEPOOL << hasta la altavista ASA takes on RSA: http://www.asa.org.uk/adj/adj_4765.htm ... R[o|i]ver Phoenix gags... searching for CHRIS MORRIS, found: http://www.asf.ca/Communications/99mediacover/media0999.html - "salmon ladder needed on east river"... so where's MR T vs LYMPHATIC CANCER http://members.tripod.com/mtvsblair/page4.htm ... and the "evil" of NAPSTER cancels out the evil of Flash: http://www.campchaos.com/cartoons/napsterbad/napsterbad_56k.html ... never mind "negative energy", tell us about the CURRY GRID: http://members.xoom.com/mr_theremin/geop~2.htm ... http://www.alancoxonachip.com/ ... duller than the real thing: http://www.conceptlab.com/simulator/ ... BeebWAP: http://www.bbc.co.uk/mobile/mainmenu.wml ... product shipped to you only after full crash investigation: http://virtualairport.lufthansa.com/english/ev/fs_flugzeugsitze_sell_e.htm >> GEEK MEDIA << get out less TV>> tough call for fans of Smack The Pony's Sarah Alexander, as she appears simultaneously in Steven "Press Gang" Moffat's sniggering sex-com COUPLING (9.30pm, Fri (ahem); 10.50pm, Sat, BBC2), hopefully to feature loads more contrived set-ups with mobiles and answerphones... not wishing to overload the cybernetic circuits, the hotly awaited "Orac" episode of BLAKE'S SEVEN (*not* this Sat pm) has been contemptuously replaced by a "Gene Kelly double bill" leaving Saturday night for ROBOCOP (2) (again - 11.10pm, Sat, ITV), with Weller/ Allen sleepwalking through Frank Miller's usual recycled script ideas... Chris Rock heads up rap-umentary spoof CB4 (12.20am, Sat, BBC2) - not to be confused with the similarly themed "Fear Of A Black Hat"... while neurological deficit edutainment PHANTOMS IN THE BRAIN (8pm, Fri, C4) leads neatly into brain-damaged Sandra Bullock hacker-virus nonsense THE NET (9pm, Sun, C4)... Errol "Fast, Cheap And Out Of Control" Morris hopefully uses different criteria to select the naive execution expert profiled in TRUE STORIES: MR DEATH (9pm, Mon, C4)... Adam Hart-Davis cycles through another run of DIY historical inventions slot LOCAL HEROES (8pm, Tue, BBC2) - more welcome than the return of stand-up manque Michael Moore in his self-descriptive THE AWFUL TRUTH (11.30pm, Tue, C4)... and in one of those ironic twists that no-one else mentions, SEX AND STOPPING (10.15pm, Wed, BBC1), a "light-hearted" history of contraception, is presented by none other than Nick Hancock, one of the single most persuasive arguments in favour of it... FILM>> in a far-off, decadent age, lower-class "barbarians" brawl and cavort to the mock-horror of their more "civilised" audience - but enough about Sex Pistols rebellion-nostalgia biopic THE FILTH AND THE FURY (imdb: independent-film / music / punk-rock) - what about Ridley Scott's semi-CGI beat-em-up GLADIATOR (http://www.capalert.com/ : gruesome defensive killings; lusting after blade fighting and gladiatorial killing; intentional trampling of a 8 year old boy; flatulence as a street puppet show "weapon")? Battle scenes are, indeed, judderingly spectacular, interspersed by agonisingly dull dialogue and occasional Blade Runner references - but not quite, as James King of Radio 1 seems to think on the poster, "Truly the most epic movie of the last decade" (or even of this one)... otherwise a selection of, shall we say, more "female-friendly" flicks, in the form of WW2-era teen sex romance SNOW FALLING ON CEDARS (http://www.capalert.com/ : "clothing falling on the ground", more like!)... and what looks like Nora "Sleepless In Seattle" Ephron's sisterly remake of "The First Wives' Club", with Diane Keaton, Phoebe Kudrow and (natch) Meg Ryan's extended phone metaphor HANGING UP (http://www.capalert.com/ : most atypical of [Cloris] Leachman's usual parts such as Granny of "The Beverly Hillbillies" where what I would like to believe is her true genius was revealed)... PRO-CELEBRITY PUBLISHING FEEDBACK>> yup, we know, we did mags and stuff last week, but felt we should try to defuse the sheer ferocity of this week's mailbag as soon as possible - almost all of it directed toward other NTK readers, we were reassured to note... JACK SCHOFIELD kicked off by defending Guardian Online's "Will Pokemon catch on?" headline [NTK 2000- 05-05] as "ironic" - that's nothing Jack, you should have seen what they wanted us to put... several wrote to applaud last week's attack on TV's DOTCOMEDY, described by one of you as "a show that seems to be amazed that humans have sexual organs and can't keep its excitement to itself"... and at least two people bought MEN'S QUEST magazine, on the strength of last week's (sarcastic) "recommendation", only to pronounce it somewhere between "awful" and "shite". In another of his (humorous) flights of fancy, Angus "Rough Guide To The Internet" Kennedy reveals that it's not him, but "an imposter" behind MQ magazine ("I believe he chose the name because he thought it sounded very masculine"), which would explain why none of the heartfelt, windswept creator bios at http://www.mensquest.com/irishtimes.html make any mention of (presumably) substantial royalties from a regular top-10 non- fiction bestseller... again from NTK 2000-05-05, DARREN SOMETHING [nee IRVINE] hit back at Connor McLaughlin, unable to "believe McLaughlin has the nerve to describe [Internet And Comms Today] as 'crappy' when he and his fellow Fidonetteers used to fawn over myself and John when we deigned to grace them with our august presences"... while WENDY GROSSMAN bravely asserted that she "used to write for Internet and Comms Today. And was friend to no-one" - this, we hope, in reference to the claims of alleged editorial cronyism, rather than a more general outlook on life... and, finally, "Don't forget to tease me about this", mailed someone claiming to be "CHRIS WARD-JOHNSON AKA DR KEYBOARD" (is that how he introduces himself - "Chris Ward-Johnson - aka: Dr Keyboard"?), linking to another of The Register's meticulously researched stories on him: http://www.theregister.co.uk/000510-000018.html . Oh, come on Keyboard (if it really *is* you, our old arch-enemy), this is hardly playing the game now is it? Where's the sport in that?... >> SMALL PRINT << Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent. 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