_ _ _____ _ __ <*the* weekly high-tech sarcastic update for the uk>
| \ | |_ _| |/ / _ __ __2002-12-20_ o join! mail an empty message to
| \| | | | | ' / | '_ \ / _ \ \ /\ / / o firstname.lastname@example.org
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|_| \_| |_| |_|\_\|_| |_|\___/ \_/\_/ o http://www.ntk.net/ "They're the ones looking to expand their tentacles into more
consumer markets," Baker said. "And they're likely to butt
heads somewhere" with HP, who is trying a similar strategy.
- in the grey corner: Cthulhu, The Many-Tentacled Horror,
defending his title here at Hydra-Headed Octopus Smackdown
>> HARD NEWS <<
break out the booze
Good news makes us feel dirty - and this week the world has
been draped in filthy, filthy optimism. CREATIVE COMMONS
launched in the US, together with a Flash movie that manages
to explain the encroachment of copyright, and the import of
the public domain to your few remaining friends that you
haven't bored silly with your strange "Star Trek politics".
JON JOHANSEN's trial continues, but it doesn't look good for
the prosecution: their summing-up trailed off with
accusations of "gang crime" (because Jon is on a few mailing
lists). And the SKLYAROV/ELCOMSOFT trial ended with the jury
collectively channelling what the cynics knew the public
would never understand. They certainly had problems
digesting some concepts: "Under the eBook formats, you have
no rights at all - and the jury had trouble with that
concept", said their foreman, and refused to throw
the ebook at anyone but the bin. It feels like we're stuck
in one of those overly extra-sentimental Christmas specials.
- could someone out there convert this to a free-er format?
- actually, Gangsta Software Movement has a nice ring to it
- next year: some UK good news
- hell, they even arrested a Microsoft employee for fraud
And it came to pass that LONDON 2600 did decree that their
Christmas party shall be held in the basement of a nearby
hotel, for there was no room at the Trocadero. In fact, the
computer security enthusiasts' club are considering moving on
from their traditional bottom-of-the-escalators meeting place,
following the nearby fancy dress photographer's allegation
that they were losing him business to the tune of "UKP15,000 a
year". True, the presence of 20-30 hackers - often wearing a
hint of fancy dress themselves - for as much as an hour each
month must be the only explanation for the disappearance from
the Troc of Alien War, Segaworld, music TV studio whereits.at
and, most recently, the Pepsi Max Drop ride. Tomorrow's event
runs from 3pm to 11pm, Sat 2002-12-21, in the "underground"
room at the Thistle Hotel, Piccadilly Circus, London W1D - and
if that goes mysteriously goes out of business in the manner
of previous 2600 hangouts Webshack and the Global Cybercafe,
then that photographer guy might just be onto something.
- promises bemani games, karaoke, and "present testing"
- exciting new Trocadero attraction: dodge the tumbleweed
>> ANTI-NEWS <<
berating the obvious
those puerile GOOGLE MISSPELLINGS - I'm not psychic, you know:
http://www.google.com/search?q=%22physic+readings%22 , "first
aid tit" - and, can you believe, we've had "artits" but not
"arstist" (or "arsing from") before?... "I'm sorry, Sir, the
piss http://www.ntk.net/2002/12/13/dohpiss.gif is off today -
but can I recommend the alternative choice of 'liquid shit'?":
http://www.ntk.net/2002/12/20/dohpoo2.gif - vs "biological
buffet": http://www.geocities.com/hotelannelies/ha2e.html ...
"Style" alludes to Queens Park Rangers - Of The Stone Age:
missing millions served - why not supersize that $435 loss?:
ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND "launder" $1.2bn into just UKP750,000:
http://www.ntk.net/2002/12/20/dohrbs.gif ... Boba Headhunter:
... banner could only be more appropriate if in "skyscraper"
format: http://www.ntk.net/2002/12/20/dohfly.gif ...
>> TRACKING <<
sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering
It's not software, it costs real money, but it's got more
decent code in it than most - and, hey, if you can't kowtow
to the scarcity economy at Christmas, when can you? Last
updated in 1997 (AD), O'Reilly's UNIX POWER TOOLS has
finally hit its third edition. Compiled by a clan of
experienced hacker-editors (including Eponymous Tim), then
broken into tiny bite-size chunks, Power Tools is compactly
written but as thick as a brick. Unashamedly lifting from
every source it can find - internal procedures, newsgroup
postings, other O'Reilly books you've already bought - Power
Tools answers the questions Unix newbies couldn't begin to
ask, and wizards are too ashamed to admit they don't know.
Just by randomly flicking through pages in this edition (the
PC Magazine approved way of reviewing books), we learned
how to fix cut and paste between Xterm and Mozilla, a better
"for" loop in zsh, and how to disown processes in bash. If
you've just bought a bargain-basement Lindows PC, or stolen
a TiBook, this is what you should spend your gift
- or you can wait 14 years for it to become public domain
>> MEMEPOOL <<
ceci n'est pas une http://www.gagpipe.com/ what might be encrypted into this peculiarly redundant book
... unconscious subtext that "free software = COMMUNISM":
the problem of attracting more women to work in IT - cracked
at last: http://www.cdc.uk.net/ ... actually playable Flash
game of the year: http://www.thzclan.com/games/sonar/ ... why
you didn't get that "monkey in a box" toy you asked for:
... suicide delivery boys?: http://pizzaidf.org/ ... THE
FRIDAY THING "in no way affiliated with The Cheeky Girls"
maintains futile http://www.thefridaything.co.uk/slapwaterman/
protest - when you could be busy boycotting NESTLE this Xmas:
... and there must be times when kind-hearted folks like this
make receiving all those lame comedy 419 responses worthwhile:
>> GEEK MEDIA <<
get out less
TV>> POSH TOTTY (8pm, Fri, C5) appears to be a one-off
documentary rather than an inadvertent description of C5's
subsequent movie lineup: Yasmine "Baywatch" Bleeth in THE FACE
(9pm, Fri, C5); Charlotte "Grange Hill" Lewis in MUTUAL NEEDS
(10.55pm, Fri, C5); plus Lynda "Wonder Woman" Carter in
HOTLINE (12.40am, Fri, C5)... Superbowl terrorist thriller
BLACK SUNDAY (11.20pm, Fri, BBC1) was postponed from two
months ago for some reason... confused African-American anti-
advertising rant DROP SQUAD (1.35am, Fri, BBC2) was exec-
produced by Spike Lee... and, you know, it just wouldn't be
Christmas week without waking up to a daily helping of THE
WORLD AT WAR (around 9.50am, Sat-Fri, BBC2)... pseudo-
Tarantino heist romance OUT OF SIGHT (10.25pm, Sat, BBC1)
remains one of the few major motion pictures to feature two
actors who've both played Batman (Keaton and Clooney)... but
frankly not much competition against the likes of I LOVE TOYS
(9.05pm, Sat, BBC2), plus nightly showings of THE OFFICE
(11.05pm, Sat, BBC2) and I LOVE 198X (12.05am, Sat, BBC2) -
remember, TV Cream readers, the latter "is not a documentary":
http://www.ntk.net/index.cgi?b=02001-04-20&l=262#l ... the
seasonal festival of the overrated continues with FIGHT CLUB
(9pm, Sun, BBC2) - not as good as EVENT HORIZON (10.30pm, Thu,
BBC Choice); WHEN HARRY MET SALLY (10.35pm, Sun, C4) - not as
good as ANNIE HALL (1.35am, Sun, ITV); CHICKEN RUN (4.50pm,
Wed, BBC1) - not as good as A BUG'S LIFE (5.45pm, Tue, BBC1);
and THE MUMMY (8.05pm, Tue, BBC1) - not as good as Stephen
Sommers' previous CGI monsterfest, DEEP RISING (10.30pm, Mon;
12.05am, Tue, BBC Choice)... C4 helps dispel that slightly
nauseous "Boxing Day" feeling with a double bill of JACKASS
CHRISTMAS SPECIAL (10.40pm, Thu, C4) and Mayall/ Edmondson
atrocity GUEST HOUSE PARADISO (11.10pm, Thu, C4)... while
Steve "Movie Chart Show" McKenna and Katy "son of Jimmy" Hill
use science to produce a chartbusting garage hit in CAN'T GET
ENOUGH MUSIC (11.40pm, Fri, BBC2) - of which more later...
FILM>> well at least more people will get our hilarious jokes
about "Ents [short for Entertainments] Committees", thanks to
tiresome CGI-fest sequel THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE TWO TOWERS
( http://www.capalert.com/capreports/lotr-towers.htm : evil
beast attack; planning murder; full side nudity, male,
repeatedly; woman on man kissing, clothed; "all-knowing
wizard"; mockery of the Transformation; gaiaism - talking
trees - repeatedly)... otherwise Reese Witherspoon proves you
*can* be a top-flight fashion designer and a decent down-home
housewife in woman-friendly wish-fulfilment SWEET HOME ALABAMA
( http://www.capalert.com/capreports/sweethomealabama.htm :
two approx. 10 year old kids kissing sensuously; adultery,
many examples; excessive breast exposure, repeatedly;
homosexual presence, repeatedly)... or three TV episodes are
stitched together into feature-length animation HEY ARNOLD!
THE MOVIE ( http://www.capalert.com/capreports/heyarnold.htm :
two nine year olds kissing on the mouth; jailbreak - through a
commode; obsession with fetishes; putting children in control
of things well beyond the capabilities of the age stratum; a
child driving a transit bus with the excuse of experience at
video games as justification)...
DRESS DOWN FRIDAY>> in a gesture of pseudo-seasonal goodwill,
we've teamed up with embittered North-of-England comedy site
martian.fm to bring you yet another amusing t-shirt variation
on the word "fuck": their pioneering "UCK WA" logo. "Fuck War/
Not Children/ Said the slogan/ on your t-shirt", their
backprinted poem explains. "[But] Mostly it said/ uck Wa/ ot
Chi," it continues. "You were wearing/ a coat". On sale now -
with new stock of "++ungood" - at http://www.ntkmart.com/ ,
and there should still be time to get one before Christmas if
you order before midnight UK time tonight (Friday)... in terms
of new design suggestions, reader SEAN D SOLLE continued the
poetic theme with his suggested back print haiku for the
"Elite" shirt: "Spaceship from junkyard/ Trade, fly, battle;
fly, dock, trade/ Right On Commander!"; "Nexus" provided a
lengthy antispam rant which nonetheless astutely concluded
"WHEN THE FUCK WILL THE 419 SCAMMMERS LEARN WHERE THE FUCKING
caps lock KEY IS???"; while the delightfully named BAZ PANCHAL
submitted "IF IN DOUBT, << COUT <<", ("'COUT' being C++ code",
he went on to advise)... but the real action this month has
shifted over to the "Buy One, Subvert The Mass Media, Get One
Free" department, which saw PHIL PURNELL's jaunty photomontage
http://www.geekstyle.co.uk/images/geeky.jpg just lose out to a
barely more plausible appearance by DJ NOISY MINORITY - also
wearing an "Elite" shirt - on the "What's on your Cover CD"
pages of the current issue of KNOWLEDGE, "the UK's finest"
drum and bass magazine: http://www.geekstyle.co.uk/images/ .
Mr Noisy wins a t-shirt of his choice for his pains - as might
reader ED FEAR, who was wearing a "FairPlay" campaign shirt
while being filmed at Sony Europe for the programme "Can't Get
Enough Video Games", due to be shown at 11:40am on BBC2 on
Sunday 2002-12-29. Ed thinks it should appear in "the last
part" of this 40 minute documentary - though you should also
look out for just a glimpse of the "airPla" text in the
middle, because Ed, as appears to be the fashion nowadays, is
"mostly" wearing it "under a coat"...
>> SMALL PRINT <<
Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
Registered at the Post Office as
NEED TO KNOW
THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK.
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