_   _ _____ _  __ <*the* weekly high-tech sarcastic update for the uk>
| \ | |_   _| |/ / _ __   __2002-12-13_ o join! mail an empty message to
|  \| | | | | ' / | '_ \ / _ \ \ /\ / / o ntknow-subscribe@lists.ntk.net
| |\  | | | | . \ | | | | (_) \ v  v /  o website (+ archive) lives at:
|_| \_| |_| |_|\_\|_| |_|\___/ \_/\_/   o     http://www.ntk.net/


        "In a statement to BBC News Online, eBay said it 'never asks
         its users for their user ID and password'..."
                      http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/2564725.stm
                            ...which can make logging in a bit tricky


                                >> HARD NEWS <<
                               inflammable trews

         It's the trial of the century! And, look, over there, by
         that fjord - another trial of the century! DMITRY SKLYAROV
         and JON JOHANSEN are the coders in court this week, both
         caught in the crossfire of the US DMCA. Though, as it
         happens, neither are being prosecuted under it. Dmitry
         isn't, because he had his case postponed in return for
         testifying about his employers, Elcomsoft. Jon isn't,
         because he's not even in the US (not that that helped
         Elcomsoft). Jon is in Norway, and there, the state
         prosecutors are insisting very hard that they're not after
         him because US MPAA wanted him smacked down for DeCSS. No,
         they're prosecuting him because - one dark, Norwegian night
         - he did knowingly break into his own computer and steal
         proprietary data (which he'd previously bought) right from
         under his very own nose. Meanwhile, Dmitry is testifying in
         a foreign country in a foreign case that accuses his
         Moscow-based employers of wilfully breaking a law whose
         jurisdiction is six thousand miles away. "Did you *care* you
         were breaking US law?", asked the prosecutor of Dmitry,
         damningly. "No. I didn't care.", said Dmitry, going on to
         explain that, at the time, sitting in a Moscow flat working
         for a Russian company, he was rather more concerned with
         quaint local customs. A related Quebec case against
         Elcomsoft for not publishing their program in French, and an
         ongoing Saudi case against all women currently driving cars
         in London, will be eagerly awaiting both court's
         conclusions.
         http://www.oblomovka.com/entries/2002/12/09#1039499520
                           - from our court correspondent in San Jose
         http://www.theinquirer.net/?article=6686
   - the inquirer reports from their newspaper-reading Norwegian desk
 
         We've seen Artificial Intelligence departments on fire, off 
         the Cowgate underpass - this week's incineration of Edinburgh 
         University's 80 South Bridge building is sad for many reasons: 
         the loss of the AI library (possibly containing early copies 
         of a proto-NTK-style newsletter - called "The Mighty Napkin" - 
         we did there in 1991), plus the AI dept's undisputed position 
         as one of the UK's few world-class computing facilities 
         situated directly above an amusement arcade. On the plus side, 
         no-one was injured, and if it *was* the work of a Terminator-
         like freedom fighter from the future, attempting to prevent 
         the creation of a sentient AI which would one day exterminate 
         all mankind, then at least they missed the robotics facility, 
         just up the road at Forrest Hill. We can think of no greater 
         tribute to the staff and students' hardcore credentials than 
         this last-ditch email sent by Head of Department Michael 
         Fourman to anyone tempted to take advantage of the increased 
         terminal availability: "There is a fire in South Bridge," he 
         wrote, at around 11.30pm. "This message is intended to advise 
         anyone who might be in the building. LEAVE IMMEDIATELY."
         http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/2558655.stm
                                               - we can rebuild it...
         http://www.theregister.co.uk/content/4/28531.html
          - just weeks after the Twente NOC went up. You do the math.

         Long time NTK subscriber and suspected agent provocateur
         STEFAN MAGDALINSKI writes of the government's ongoing, near
         invisible ID card consultation: "for those who don't enjoy
         30 meg PDFs, I've htmled the doc and put it here." Where the
         PDF is the UK government's 10 bazillion page consultation
         doc on "Weapons of Card Entitlement". You've still got until
         January 31st to read it, and perhaps change the government's
         belief that their plans "have one backing from most of the
         people who have given [us] their views". Oh, and the here
         bit is... here.
         http://www.isness.org/idcard
                                  - no, no back there. You missed it.
         http://www.homeoffice.gov.uk/dob/ecu.htm
     - knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake...


                                >> ANTI-NEWS <<
                             berating the obvious

         special seasonal GOOGLE MISSPELLING - would you like a taste 
         of my http://www.google.com/search?q=%22home+pate%22 ?... 
         another brave attempt to transcribe those broad Scottish 
         accents: http://www.air-scotland.com/main.asp ... they don't 
         appear to be monks, and they're certainly not "fighting" 
         either: http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00004CPQJ/ 
         ... "and our customers? Hey, you leave them out of this": 
         http://www.ntk.net/2002/12/13/dohbto.gif ... test data with a 
         sense of humour: http://www.startribune.com/stories/1757/ ... 
         to have one "blah" in your name is a misfortune, but two?: 
         http://www.ntk.net/2002/12/13/dohblah.gif ... truth in 
         filenames - first image under "Dance Lines and Cheer Teams": 
     http://www.cord.edu/faculty/pyle/pedagogy/99410/team6/99410t6p04.htm
         ... "those with a high-speed connection" surf net more, study 
         says: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/2562289.stm ... to go with your 
         "poo salad": http://www.ntk.net/2002/12/13/dohpiss.gif ... 
         

                               >> EVENT QUEUE <<
                         goto's considered non-harmful

         No info on whether they got that 48-port 100mbit switch they 
         were asking for, but "day tickets" are still available for the 
         G2002 BACK TO THE BUNKER LAN EXTRAVAGANZA (from 9am-8pm, Sat 
         2002-12-14 to 2002-12-16, Kelvedon Hatch, Essex, UKP10 per 
         day) - though, as we recall, the "tourist attraction" part of 
         the facility remains open to the public during daylight hours 
         anyway, providing bemused visitors with a sobering tableau of 
         life after nuclear armageddon. Our suggested dress code for 
         the event would be - as ever - United Nations Weapons 
         Inspector (blue shirt, flak jacket, large white four-wheel-
         drive vehicle), though you have to make more of an effort if 
         you'd prefer to take part in this year's parade of the drunken 
         Father Christmas's, aka SANTACON (Saturday 2002-12-14, mystery 
         start time/ location somewhere in central London) - the 
         cheaper and shoddier your Santa costume, the better.
         http://g2002.bash.sh/
                 - vs http://www.sciencemuseum.org.uk/home/gaming.asp
         http://www.santacon.co.uk/
         - Bloody Hotmail. Bloody secret meeting point. Ho Bloody Ho.


                                >> TRACKING <<
               sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering

         Most multimedia management programs (iPhoto, etc)
         concentrate on the arduous task of organising home
         photography archives - naturally the largest repository of
         visual data kept on hard drives. Uhuh, right. Thankfully,
         trem0r's PORNVIEW has its priorities right. Pornview is an,
         ahem, Linux image and multimedia previewing program
         dedicated for those times when "tweaking", "rearranging",
         and "touching up" a large cache of source images is both the
         first and last thing on your mind. It doles out small but
         legible thumbnails, has a big old preview space, and lets
         you zoom, rotate and slideshow on the fly - heck, with one
         hand tied behind your back. And its preview engine is
         powered by the Xine library, which means it can cope with
         many AVIs, MOVs and ASFs. It's fast and easy to use. While
         it's only at 0.1.3 right now, it's pretty much ready for -
         well, perhaps not the prime time. Friday night on Channel 
         Five - maybe.
         http://pornview.sourceforge.net/
                            - or apt-get install -t unstable pornview
         http://bugs.debian.org/cgi-bin/bugreport.cgi?bug=171988
                                       - Debian users show their kink


                                >> MEMEPOOL <<
                ceci n'est pas une http://www.gagpipe.com/

         a new addition to the GPL: http://zynaddsubfx.sourceforge.net/
         ... revealed at last, the usability secrets of goatse.cx:
         http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/073571150X/ 
         ... if you have four hours to kill, hate radio and yourself: 
         http://wfmu.org/~davem/docs/radio.html ... they *can* draw
         after all http://southparkstudios.com/behind/staffart.html
         ... using http://www.jwz.org/gruntle/infographic.html ,
         locate Zawinski on the http://www.brunching.com/geekhierarchy.html
         ... elder gods attempting to breach USENET XP support forums:
         http://groups.google.com/groups?q=%22signaling+halotrichite%22
         ... nice to see Galileo getting the last word on that Papal
         row: http://www.jpl.nasa.gov/galileo/finger.html ... life imitates
         Kevin Warwick: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/2534689.stm ...
         cleavage at http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/2546375.stm too unsubtle? 
        try the virtual tour: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/2551367.stm
       ... local minima of funk: http://www.joannajordan.com/web_riders.mov


                                >> GEEK MEDIA <<
                                  get out less

         TV>> ITV, to their credit, are tongue-in-cheekily promoting 
         SPEED 2: CRUISE CONTROL (8.30pm, Fri, ITV) as "the one without 
         Keanu in it"... rhyming-rehab week continues with prison 
         poetry drama SLAM (12.55am, Fri, C4), real karaoke convicts in 
         FELTHAM SINGS (10.30pm, Tue, C4), plus the belated musical 
         episode of BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER (6.45pm, Thu; 12.55am, 
         Fri, BBC2) - not to be confused with Sheryl "Laura Palmer" Lee 
         in JOHN CARPENTER'S VAMPIRE$ (10.55pm, Sat, C4)... in addition 
         to the "repeated public urination" and McDonald's breakfast 
         gag, Adam Sandler's BIG DADDY (6.10pm, Sat, BBC1) features an 
         all-too-rare tolerable performance by Joey Lauren Adams from 
         "Chasing Amy"... never mind the "gamma radiation", how did 
         that freelance reporter guy ever make a living?, is among the 
         mysteries not revealed by the pilot of THE INCREDIBLE HULK 
         (6.10pm, Sun, C5)... as the same-every-year BRITISH COMEDY 
         AWARDS (9pm, Sat, ITV) narrows its eyes to face off against A 
         FISTFUL OF DOLLARS (9pm, Sat, C4), followed on Sun by FOR A 
         FEW DOLLARS MORE (10pm, Sun, C4)... don't hold out for a happy 
         ending for either terrorism docu 21ST CENTURY WAR (8pm, Sun, 
         C4) or this series of the excellent "Homicide Street Blues" 
         cop tragedy THE SHIELD (10.40pm, Sun, C5)... maybe a run 
         presenting Anneka-free TREASURE HUNT (6pm, Mon-Fri, BBC2) will 
         get Suzi Perry's stats up: http://www.suziperry.com/stats/ ... 
         and a "bad trip" double-bill sees side-effects expose CANNABIS 
         PSYCHOSIS (11.05pm, Mon, C4) followed by an Errol Morris FIRST 
         PERSON (12.10am, Mon, C4) on a guy who stole his mum's 
         cryonically frozen head... WIT (9pm, Tue, BBC2) is about Emma 
         Thompson getting cancer, rather than the amusing Tom Sharpe 
         farce with Griff Rhys Jones in it... DOOMWATCH (12.55am, Thu, 
         BBC1) is the none-too-thrilling movie of the BBC environmental 
         monitoring sci-fi show... though the title might be more 
         accurately applied to god-awful Sean "Eastenders" Maguire US 
         sitcom OFF CENTRE (4.20am, Thu, C4)...
         
         FILM>> sadly, no Naomi Klein quotes on the poster for juvenile 
         Nike/NBA product placement orphanage wish-fulfilment LIKE MIKE 
         ( http://www.capalert.com/capreports/likemike.htm : bully 
         tactics; bad fall after electrical shock due to unwise risk-
         taking; nothing of the sexual nature, a victory indeed)... 
         bloody Audrey "Amelie" Tautou is back, hopefully bringing that 
         same air of studied zaniness to gritty London-set organ-
         legging thriller DIRTY PRETTY THINGS ( http://www.bbfc.co.uk/ :
         contains strong language, moderate sex and grisly images)... 
         and imdb "trivia" confirms it *is* Clint Poppie's "Requiem For 
         A Dream" theme on the theatrical trailer for out-next-Wed THE 
         LORD OF THE RINGS 2: THE TWO RONNIES ( http://www.bbfc.co.uk/ :
         contains intense combat and fantasy horror scenes)... 


                               >> SMALL PRINT <<

       Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
         happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
       on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
     nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
                       Registered at the Post Office as
           "the site has back issues? *Major* back issues, we'd say"
                  http://www.dunx.org/persona/media-web.html         

                                 NEED TO KNOW
            THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK.
                         Archive - http://www.ntk.net/
              Unsubscribe? Mail ntknow-unsubscribe@lists.ntk.net
                Subscribe? Mail ntknow-subscribe@lists.ntk.net
 NTK now is supported by UNFORTU.NET, and by you: http://www.ntkmart.com/

                          (K) 2002 Special Projects.
             Copying is fine, but include URL: http://www.ntk.net/

                    Tips, news and gossip to tips@spesh.com
             All communication is for publication, unless you beg.
              Press releases from naive PR people to pr@spesh.com
     Remember: Your work email may be monitored if sending sensitive material.
       Sending >500KB attachments is forbidden by the Geneva Convention.
              Your country may be at risk if you fail to comply.