_ _ _____ _ __ <*the* weekly high-tech sarcastic update for the uk>
| \ | |_ _| |/ / _ __ __2002-12-13_ o join! mail an empty message to
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|_| \_| |_| |_|\_\|_| |_|\___/ \_/\_/ o http://www.ntk.net/ "In a statement to BBC News Online, eBay said it 'never asks
its users for their user ID and password'..."
...which can make logging in a bit tricky
>> HARD NEWS <<
It's the trial of the century! And, look, over there, by
that fjord - another trial of the century! DMITRY SKLYAROV
and JON JOHANSEN are the coders in court this week, both
caught in the crossfire of the US DMCA. Though, as it
happens, neither are being prosecuted under it. Dmitry
isn't, because he had his case postponed in return for
testifying about his employers, Elcomsoft. Jon isn't,
because he's not even in the US (not that that helped
Elcomsoft). Jon is in Norway, and there, the state
prosecutors are insisting very hard that they're not after
him because US MPAA wanted him smacked down for DeCSS. No,
they're prosecuting him because - one dark, Norwegian night
- he did knowingly break into his own computer and steal
proprietary data (which he'd previously bought) right from
under his very own nose. Meanwhile, Dmitry is testifying in
a foreign country in a foreign case that accuses his
Moscow-based employers of wilfully breaking a law whose
jurisdiction is six thousand miles away. "Did you *care* you
were breaking US law?", asked the prosecutor of Dmitry,
damningly. "No. I didn't care.", said Dmitry, going on to
explain that, at the time, sitting in a Moscow flat working
for a Russian company, he was rather more concerned with
quaint local customs. A related Quebec case against
Elcomsoft for not publishing their program in French, and an
ongoing Saudi case against all women currently driving cars
in London, will be eagerly awaiting both court's
- from our court correspondent in San Jose
- the inquirer reports from their newspaper-reading Norwegian desk
We've seen Artificial Intelligence departments on fire, off
the Cowgate underpass - this week's incineration of Edinburgh
University's 80 South Bridge building is sad for many reasons:
the loss of the AI library (possibly containing early copies
of a proto-NTK-style newsletter - called "The Mighty Napkin" -
we did there in 1991), plus the AI dept's undisputed position
as one of the UK's few world-class computing facilities
situated directly above an amusement arcade. On the plus side,
no-one was injured, and if it *was* the work of a Terminator-
like freedom fighter from the future, attempting to prevent
the creation of a sentient AI which would one day exterminate
all mankind, then at least they missed the robotics facility,
just up the road at Forrest Hill. We can think of no greater
tribute to the staff and students' hardcore credentials than
this last-ditch email sent by Head of Department Michael
Fourman to anyone tempted to take advantage of the increased
terminal availability: "There is a fire in South Bridge," he
wrote, at around 11.30pm. "This message is intended to advise
anyone who might be in the building. LEAVE IMMEDIATELY."
- we can rebuild it...
- just weeks after the Twente NOC went up. You do the math.
Long time NTK subscriber and suspected agent provocateur
STEFAN MAGDALINSKI writes of the government's ongoing, near
invisible ID card consultation: "for those who don't enjoy
30 meg PDFs, I've htmled the doc and put it here." Where the
PDF is the UK government's 10 bazillion page consultation
doc on "Weapons of Card Entitlement". You've still got until
January 31st to read it, and perhaps change the government's
belief that their plans "have one backing from most of the
people who have given [us] their views". Oh, and the here
bit is... here.
- no, no back there. You missed it.
- knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake...
>> ANTI-NEWS <<
berating the obvious
special seasonal GOOGLE MISSPELLING - would you like a taste
of my http://www.google.com/search?q=%22home+pate%22 ?...
another brave attempt to transcribe those broad Scottish
accents: http://www.air-scotland.com/main.asp ... they don't
appear to be monks, and they're certainly not "fighting"
... "and our customers? Hey, you leave them out of this":
http://www.ntk.net/2002/12/13/dohbto.gif ... test data with a
sense of humour: http://www.startribune.com/stories/1757/ ...
to have one "blah" in your name is a misfortune, but two?:
http://www.ntk.net/2002/12/13/dohblah.gif ... truth in
filenames - first image under "Dance Lines and Cheer Teams":
... "those with a high-speed connection" surf net more, study
says: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/2562289.stm ... to go with your
"poo salad": http://www.ntk.net/2002/12/13/dohpiss.gif ...
>> EVENT QUEUE <<
goto's considered non-harmful
No info on whether they got that 48-port 100mbit switch they
were asking for, but "day tickets" are still available for the
G2002 BACK TO THE BUNKER LAN EXTRAVAGANZA (from 9am-8pm, Sat
2002-12-14 to 2002-12-16, Kelvedon Hatch, Essex, UKP10 per
day) - though, as we recall, the "tourist attraction" part of
the facility remains open to the public during daylight hours
anyway, providing bemused visitors with a sobering tableau of
life after nuclear armageddon. Our suggested dress code for
the event would be - as ever - United Nations Weapons
Inspector (blue shirt, flak jacket, large white four-wheel-
drive vehicle), though you have to make more of an effort if
you'd prefer to take part in this year's parade of the drunken
Father Christmas's, aka SANTACON (Saturday 2002-12-14, mystery
start time/ location somewhere in central London) - the
cheaper and shoddier your Santa costume, the better.
- vs http://www.sciencemuseum.org.uk/home/gaming.asphttp://www.santacon.co.uk/
- Bloody Hotmail. Bloody secret meeting point. Ho Bloody Ho.
>> TRACKING <<
sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering
Most multimedia management programs (iPhoto, etc)
concentrate on the arduous task of organising home
photography archives - naturally the largest repository of
visual data kept on hard drives. Uhuh, right. Thankfully,
trem0r's PORNVIEW has its priorities right. Pornview is an,
ahem, Linux image and multimedia previewing program
dedicated for those times when "tweaking", "rearranging",
and "touching up" a large cache of source images is both the
first and last thing on your mind. It doles out small but
legible thumbnails, has a big old preview space, and lets
you zoom, rotate and slideshow on the fly - heck, with one
hand tied behind your back. And its preview engine is
powered by the Xine library, which means it can cope with
many AVIs, MOVs and ASFs. It's fast and easy to use. While
it's only at 0.1.3 right now, it's pretty much ready for -
well, perhaps not the prime time. Friday night on Channel
Five - maybe.
- or apt-get install -t unstable pornview
- Debian users show their kink
>> MEMEPOOL <<
ceci n'est pas une http://www.gagpipe.com/ a new addition to the GPL: http://zynaddsubfx.sourceforge.net/
... revealed at last, the usability secrets of goatse.cx:
... if you have four hours to kill, hate radio and yourself:
http://wfmu.org/~davem/docs/radio.html ... they *can* draw
after all http://southparkstudios.com/behind/staffart.html
... using http://www.jwz.org/gruntle/infographic.html ,
locate Zawinski on the http://www.brunching.com/geekhierarchy.html
... elder gods attempting to breach USENET XP support forums:
... nice to see Galileo getting the last word on that Papal
row: http://www.jpl.nasa.gov/galileo/finger.html ... life imitates
Kevin Warwick: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/2534689.stm ...
cleavage at http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/2546375.stm too unsubtle?
try the virtual tour: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/2551367.stm
... local minima of funk: http://www.joannajordan.com/web_riders.mov >> GEEK MEDIA <<
get out less
TV>> ITV, to their credit, are tongue-in-cheekily promoting
SPEED 2: CRUISE CONTROL (8.30pm, Fri, ITV) as "the one without
Keanu in it"... rhyming-rehab week continues with prison
poetry drama SLAM (12.55am, Fri, C4), real karaoke convicts in
FELTHAM SINGS (10.30pm, Tue, C4), plus the belated musical
episode of BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER (6.45pm, Thu; 12.55am,
Fri, BBC2) - not to be confused with Sheryl "Laura Palmer" Lee
in JOHN CARPENTER'S VAMPIRE$ (10.55pm, Sat, C4)... in addition
to the "repeated public urination" and McDonald's breakfast
gag, Adam Sandler's BIG DADDY (6.10pm, Sat, BBC1) features an
all-too-rare tolerable performance by Joey Lauren Adams from
"Chasing Amy"... never mind the "gamma radiation", how did
that freelance reporter guy ever make a living?, is among the
mysteries not revealed by the pilot of THE INCREDIBLE HULK
(6.10pm, Sun, C5)... as the same-every-year BRITISH COMEDY
AWARDS (9pm, Sat, ITV) narrows its eyes to face off against A
FISTFUL OF DOLLARS (9pm, Sat, C4), followed on Sun by FOR A
FEW DOLLARS MORE (10pm, Sun, C4)... don't hold out for a happy
ending for either terrorism docu 21ST CENTURY WAR (8pm, Sun,
C4) or this series of the excellent "Homicide Street Blues"
cop tragedy THE SHIELD (10.40pm, Sun, C5)... maybe a run
presenting Anneka-free TREASURE HUNT (6pm, Mon-Fri, BBC2) will
get Suzi Perry's stats up: http://www.suziperry.com/stats/ ...
and a "bad trip" double-bill sees side-effects expose CANNABIS
PSYCHOSIS (11.05pm, Mon, C4) followed by an Errol Morris FIRST
PERSON (12.10am, Mon, C4) on a guy who stole his mum's
cryonically frozen head... WIT (9pm, Tue, BBC2) is about Emma
Thompson getting cancer, rather than the amusing Tom Sharpe
farce with Griff Rhys Jones in it... DOOMWATCH (12.55am, Thu,
BBC1) is the none-too-thrilling movie of the BBC environmental
monitoring sci-fi show... though the title might be more
accurately applied to god-awful Sean "Eastenders" Maguire US
sitcom OFF CENTRE (4.20am, Thu, C4)...
FILM>> sadly, no Naomi Klein quotes on the poster for juvenile
Nike/NBA product placement orphanage wish-fulfilment LIKE MIKE
( http://www.capalert.com/capreports/likemike.htm : bully
tactics; bad fall after electrical shock due to unwise risk-
taking; nothing of the sexual nature, a victory indeed)...
bloody Audrey "Amelie" Tautou is back, hopefully bringing that
same air of studied zaniness to gritty London-set organ-
legging thriller DIRTY PRETTY THINGS ( http://www.bbfc.co.uk/ :
contains strong language, moderate sex and grisly images)...
and imdb "trivia" confirms it *is* Clint Poppie's "Requiem For
A Dream" theme on the theatrical trailer for out-next-Wed THE
LORD OF THE RINGS 2: THE TWO RONNIES ( http://www.bbfc.co.uk/ :
contains intense combat and fantasy horror scenes)...
>> SMALL PRINT <<
Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
Registered at the Post Office as
"the site has back issues? *Major* back issues, we'd say"
NEED TO KNOW
THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK.
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