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  • NTK 2007
  • NTK 2006
  • NTK 2005
  • NTK 2004
  • NTK 2003
  • 2002-12-27
    MiniNTK #18
    Question Me!
  • 2002-12-20
    #271
    Seasonal Humbug
  • 2002-12-13
    #270
    Fear and Ignorance. Ignorance and Fear. Those are our watchwords.
  • 2002-12-06
    #269
    Lies, USENET lies, and government consultation periods
  • 2002-11-29
    #268
    thanks, but no thanks
  • 2002-11-22
    #267
    letters to the government, packets to the people
  • 2002-11-15
    #266
    changing our underwear, updating our risumis
  • 2002-11-08
    #265
    uk.gone, digital rag and bone, dance dance implementation
  • 2002-11-01
    #264
    Old Media Cheek, Currently Residing in The Event Queue File
  • 2002-10-25
    #263
    Hilary's term at Oxford
  • 2002-10-18
    #262
    the meetings will continue until morale improves
  • 2002-10-11
    #261
    zer0 day b33b and the Sinclair Brothers
  • 2002-10-04
    #260
    Google shark-jumping?, Perl and Cocoa
  • 2002-09-27
    #259
    Children of the Banned, Party poop
  • 2002-09-20
    #258
    LibDems, KidPr0n, DVDSync
  • 2002-09-13
    #257
    The claims of Acclaim, Perl world tour
  • 2002-09-06
    #256
    Cons and conmen, HARRIXOS will never die!
  • 2002-08-30
    #255
    Earth invasion postponed.
  • 2002-08-23
    #254
    EUCD2, Bayes Watch, PlayStation "cool"
  • 2002-08-16
    MiniNTK #18
    Summertime Squeak Special - in Dolby
  • 2002-08-09
    #253
    EUCD UK, Defcon Upshots, another W3C compliance test to fail
  • 2002-08-02
    #252
    Summertime Surveillance, No Orgasms for Kevin
  • 2002-07-26
    #251
    Movement down the Redbus, Sexy Torrents of Bits, No *I'm* Ploticus
  • 2002-07-19
    #250
    Back in the former USSR, Charlie the Angry Drunken Satirist, 8 bits enter a room 1K leaves
  • 2002-07-12
    #249
    Do y*u Y*h**?, Edge vs NTK vs KLF vs Johnny Ball
  • 2002-07-05
    #248
    man perlbeg, googlebucks, be the gipper of fipr
  • 2002-06-28
    #247
    careless talk, lies at the palladium, checking lilo status
  • 2002-06-21
    #246
    RIPA, mate; ooh UKUUG; and fizzy milk
  • 2002-06-14
    #246
    post-XCOM letdown, BBCing you, socat sogood
  • 2002-06-07
    MiniNTK #17
    a word from our sponsors
  • 2002-05-31
    #245
    Demons of the past, Extreme Pleading
  • 2002-05-24
    #244
    Phone bridge of sighs, but Outlook is rosy at last
  • 2002-05-17
    #243
    All Cons, No Pros
  • 2002-05-10
    #242
    Grammy Boots, Perl To Python, Emerging Conferences
  • 2002-05-03
    #241
    Everyone dress up as monkeys and run for mayor. Pass it on.
  • 2002-04-26
    #240
    CDR, EUCD, DPA, 1475!
  • 2002-04-19
    #239
    No^H^H Yes Minister, Computers Freedom Privacy, For Fsck's Sake
  • 2002-04-12
    #238
    invisible nets, unrecognised countries, zen differentials
  • 2002-04-05
    #237
    Going CYC-O, audioshopping, doubleplus unconvention
  • 2002-03-29
    MiniNTK #16
    Happy Mozday!
  • 2002-03-22
    #236
    Bad BT, Bad PPP, Bad BBC!
  • 2002-03-15
    #235
    Murdoch (probably) owns you, silly billing, haiku-fu
  • 2002-03-08
    #234
    Liberty requires eternal ebullience, love and reality both bite
  • 2002-03-01
    #233
    Grammy sucks eggs, Dead Men Posting, and get well soon Rob
  • 2002-02-22
    #232
    Codecon, Funky Dredds and "Life" is the name of the game
  • 2002-02-15
    #231
    goth bands, froups banned, bitmap of the heart
  • 2002-02-08
    #230
    Takedown's a bitch, creme egg *cones*?
  • 2002-02-01
    #229
    Booby prizes, dorkbot and dillo
  • 2002-01-25
    #228
    BBC basics, Ms Tron, more of .me
  • 2002-01-18
    #227
    It's always about .me, isn't it?
  • 2002-01-11
    #226
    Big Marc, Little Marc, Gopher broke, and get whitey chocolate
  • 2002-01-04
    MiniNTK #15
    "Happy New Warez" porn link round-up
  • NTK 2001
  • NTK 2000
  • NTK 1999
  • NTK 1998
  • NTK 1997
  • HARD NEWS
  • ANTI-NEWS
  • EVENT QUEUE
  • TRACKING
  • MEMEPOOL
  • GEEK MEDIA
  • SMALL PRINT
 _   _ _____ _  __ <*the* weekly high-tech sarcastic update for the uk>
| \ | |_   _| |/ / _ __   __2002-10-18_ o join! mail an empty message to
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|_| \_| |_| |_|\_\|_| |_|\___/ \_/\_/   o     http://www.ntk.net/


        "Based on a preliminary investigation, WorldCom blamed the
         outage on problems with a 'route table,' or software map
         that directs traffic to the proper destination. The company
         declined to identify the route table manufacturer..."
http://www.reuters.com/news_article.jhtml?type=internetnews&StoryID=1532884
...police are on the lookout for a cyberterrorist with carpentry skills


                                >> HARD NEWS <<
                                ton-weighing UZ

         NTK's two spiritual forefathers face off at last, when CHUCK
         "PUBLIC ENEMY" D and BRUCE "IRON MAIDEN" DICKINSON take
         opposing sides at next week's "This House Believes That Music
         Is Not For Sharing" debate at the Oxford Union (8.30pm, Thu
         2002-10-24, Cornmarket St, Oxford, complex admission procedure
         which we'll go into later). The event also marks a rare UK
         public appearance by HILARY ROSEN of arch anti-P2P villains
         THE RECORDING INDUSTRY ASSOCIATION OF AMERICA, and thus a
         handy leafleting opportunity for the copy-protection-opposing
         CAMPAIGN FOR DIGITAL RIGHTS - plus a chance to get our new
         "Corrupt Disc - Inferior Audio" t-shirt at not-available-in-
         the-shops knock-down prices. Basically, mail tips@spesh.com
         (with the subject line "Fight The Power") for meet-up details
         - the Oxford Union is actually a members-only debating society
         rather than a proper Union like ULU, but does have a mildly
         complicated guest-admission procedure. Or failing that, we'll
         just go to the pub and swap mp3 remixes of "Bring The Noise".
http://www.oxford-union.org/mod.php?mod=calendar&op=show_event&event_id=10
       - "I'm Running Free", eh Bruce? Not under Palladium you're not
         http://uk.eurorights.org/issues/cd/button/
        - actual "CD" logo font looks more like Eurostile Heavy to us
         http://www.yaleherald.com/article.php?Article=1153
                            - taking "talk like a pirate" day too far
http://www.xenoclast.org/free-sklyarov-uk/2002-October/003442.html
                                 - file under "Yo, bum rush the show"

         Nowhere near Oxford? Well, how about Belgium? November 7th
         sees the one and only public discussion of the EU's adoption
         of software patents. If you want to drop by - mail
         rbray@europarl.eu.int. We're not sure what you should dress
         up as here. Maybe not a pirate: Delacroix's Marianne?
         Liberty, crushing a floppy disk? The giant cabbage women
         from Jeux Sans Frontieres? Probably, actually, as a serious
         young businessman from a plucky Euro startup who is just
         about to get kicked in the bottomline if software patents
         come over here. Although if you could drag Chuck D along,
         that might liven things up. The public hearing is at
         1500-1830 CEST on 7 November at the European Parliament,
         Altiero Spinelli Building, room ASP 1G3, rue Wiertz. B-1047
         Brussels. Forward to the sarcastic updates of more central
         European countries at will!
         http://europa.eu.int/comm/internal_market/en/indprop/comp/02-277.htm
                                            - those proposals in full
         http://swpat.ffii.org/players/ahoward/index.en.html
                         - a non-fishfaced Anthony Howard presides

         And while we're pitilessly banging on about cyberrights
         issues, criminy, what about those ID card proposals, hey?
         Thank goodness CHARTER88 and LIBERTY are fighting the good
         fight with their brand new www.no2id.com Website. Nice site
         - and it'd be even nicer if, in their fight against breaches
         of privacy, they hadn't set up their "join our campaign"
         page to use the notorious spam-gateway script formmail.pl -
         complete with client-side e-mail address, and the old,
         insecure version 1.6 from Matt's Script Archive, circa 1997.
         So, not only are they sending the full list of their
         supporters in plaintext across the network - they're
         allowing spammers to cover their tracks in sending everyone
         mail. Anyone want to volunteer to get them - finally - up to
         speed on tech issues?
         http://www.no2id.com/
         - Or perhaps the 3133t frontpage t3xt was some insider joke?
         http://www.liberty-human-rights.org.uk/mjob.html
                                                        - mmm, frames


                                >> ANTI-NEWS <<
                             berating the obvious

         HANSARD debuts in THE RETURN OF PUERILE GOOGLE MISSPELLINGS:
         http://www.google.co.uk/search?&q=%22home+cunties%22 - see
         also "orkplace", "damn busters" - and aren't we all getting a
         bit tired of mind-numbingly repetitive sales pitches by now?:
         http://www.google.com/search?q=%22are+you+tired+of%22 ...
         typos in space - nice pics of the "azimuth munting component":
     http://www.ing.iac.es/PR/archive/wht/erection3.html and "buttery unit":
         http://www.nasda.go.jp/projects/rockets/hsfd/img/component2.jpg
         ... continuing the "old jokes" theme - it's hardly hygienic:
         http://www.ntk.net/2002/10/18/dohsho.gif ... no wonder they're
         having problems getting them round the conference table:
         http://www.rediff.com/news/2002/oct/14inpak.htm ... and it's a
         double case of missing BBC millions - RETEURS to cut costs by
         $220: http://www.ntk.net/2002/10/18/dohreut.gif ; TXU needs
         many times that: http://www.ntk.net/2002/10/18/dohtxu.gif ...
         same results even if you don't ask for "source code to this
         search script": http://www.redbus.co.uk/search/ ... automatic
         search-and-replace artefacts - who would you like to have a T-
         Mobile with?: http://www.ntk.net/2002/10/18/dohtmo.gif ...


                               >> EVENT QUEUE <<
                         goto's considered non-harmful

         ANARCHIST BOOKFAIR tomorrow (from 10am, Sat 2002-10-19, Camden
         Centre, London, free as far as we can establish from the site,
         though it's up to UKP8 to see Chumbawamba in the evening).
         Attractions include the usual UNDERCURRENTS video activism,
         various newsletters and organisations asking if they should
         just give up, plus YearZero's ADAM PORTER, who emailed us
         after being mentioned last year to defend his work on the old
         "Loaded" site, maintaining he should "get much more flack" for
         spending "5 years at the Evening Standard" in his twenties.
         For a more rigorously mathematical demonstration of how,
         basically, we're all the same, watch out for KENNETH APPEL and
         WOLFGANG HAKEN celebrating the 25th anniversary of the
         publication of their proof of THE FOUR-COLOUR PROBLEM (from
         2pm, Wed 2002-10-23, Cruciform Building, University College
         London, Gower Street, London WC1, also looks like it's free) -
         part of a world tour where they always give a different talk
         to the ones they've given in any adjacent countries.
         http://www.lms.ac.uk/meetings/poster.html
            - afternoon filled by four sessions, two different Robins
         http://www.anarchistbookfair.org/
                - "largest and most important" gathering in the world
         http://www.ntk.net/2002/10/18/dohkyst.gif
                                          - "I yam an anti-christ..."
         http://www.spiked-online.com/IT/events.stm#privacy
        - on Tue: free as in "speech", and as in "not costing 7 quid"


                                >> TRACKING <<
               sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering

         Things Apple People Insist On Doing To Piss Other Platforms
         Off, #343: that thing where they stick two of their swanky
         LCDs into one Mac, and then move the mouse seamlessly
         between them while laughing, laughing, laughing. Now fair
         enough, given the right tech and six hours of wasted setup
         time, both Windows and Linux can do multi-heading. But it is
         a curious fact of life that geeks are more likely to have
         n+1 computers under our desk than we have multihoming
         machines with two or more monitors stuck into them. Which is
         where Chris Schoeneman's SYNERGY steps in. SYNERGY lets you
         move your mouse between Windows and Linux boxes sharing a
         network (and presumably your desk). When you move the mouse
         off the left of one screen, it will move to the next PC -
         and keyboard focus and the clipboard contents will move with
         it. So you can cut and paste between Windows and Linux, or
         replace a hardware keyboard/mouse switchbox with software.
         Currently, you can't drag windows across machines, but, hey,
         with X remote servers, VNC, and some hackery, anything's
         possible, right? Best of all, it's not yet ported to MacOS
         X. So you can show those switching iPod-people what for. Ha!
         http://synergy2.sourceforge.net/
                         - it'll get ported one day, but live for now
         http://netclipboard.sf.net/
                        - and if you just want the Net-wide clipboard
         http://www-2.cs.cmu.edu/afs/cs/user/rcm/WWW/RemoteClip/
                                             - that works on Palms...

                                >> MEMEPOOL <<
                ceci n'est pas une http://www.gagpipe.com/

         what the Queen gets instead of subscribe confirmation
         requests:  http://www.reload-uk.com/society/slide3.html ...
         old soldiers never die, they just fail to update their
         Website: http://www.stephenambrose.com/ ... warpumpkin:
         http://pics.finnie.org/2002/1013_warpumpkin/1013_005-r.html
         ... USENET continues its rearguard action into print:
         http://www.ugvm.org.uk ... discouraging MEPs from running
         warez/mp3z sites: https://www.copernicus.co.uk/WiaB2/Price.htm
         ... see your license money at work - and potentially die in
         the attempt: http://projectz.ath.cx/?id=93 ... got: actinium, need:
         weapons-grade plutonium http://www.theodoregray.com/PeriodicTable/
         ... perfect partners in the children's fiction section:
         http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0689711034 ...
         http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/2329205.stm versus
         http://www.tvtome.com/Simpsons/season3.html#ep59 ...
         ... http://www.sylvanianfamilies.com/storeims/8p.jpg  VS.
         http://www.cosmopolis.ch/jamesbrown2.jpg ... it's amazing what
         you can do with ten minutes and a copy of Microsoft Word Art:
         http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/displayarticle.php?id=9361 ...


                                >> GEEK MEDIA <<
                                  get out less

         TV>> real-life "Cracker" David Canter takes a topical look at
         geographic murder profiling in MAPPING MURDER (8pm, Fri, C5):
         http://www.cnn.com/2002/TECH/biztech/10/08/profiling.tech/ ...
         the serial killer fun continues in daft sci-fi VIRTUOSITY
         (11.20pm, Fri, BBC1) - not to be confused with teen sex farce
         VIRTUAL SEXUALITY (11.05pm, Mon, C4)... then three very
         different romantic comedies turn up in the form of highschool
         Shakespeare-remake 10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU (9pm, Fri, ITV),
         Ang Lee's relatively kung-fu-free SENSE AND SENSIBILITY
         (9.05pm, Sat, C4), plus fanboy fantasy CHASING AMY (10.35pm,
         Sat, BBC2)... presumably it's not addiction to "Everquest"
         that's stopping young men from venturing outdoors in
         CORRESPONDENT - JAPAN: THE MISSING MILLION (7.15pm, Sun,
         BBC2)... Jeremy "Acid Jazz" Deller recreates the miners'
         strike in ARTANGEL: THE BATTLE OF ORGREAVE (7.45pm, Sun,
         C4)... "You are the weakest Brit" declares Anne Robinson in
         GREAT BRITONS - THE TOP 100 (9pm, Sun, BBC2)... as Bruce
         "Silent Running" Dern takes aim at the Superbowl in 1970s
         Thomas "Hannibal" Harris terrorist thriller BLACK SUNDAY
         (11pm, Sun, BBC1)... at least C4 are showing THE LAST
         BROADCAST (12.40am, Tue, C4) after the wildly overrated BLAIR
         WITCH PROJECT (10pm, Sun, C4)... and Matthew "Garth Marenghi"
         Holness plays a BOFH-style visitor to THE OFFICE (10pm, Mon,
         BBC2) - should be more entertaining than STAR TREK:
         INSURRECTION (9pm, Mon, C5)... Dawn French returns in low-key
         gag-free lesbian sitcom WILD WEST (9pm, Tue, BBC1)... Tuesday
         night is Kubrick night again with FULL METAL JACKET (10pm,
         Tue, C5)... and following all that pro-"nurture" propaganda
         from "Faking It", HUMAN INSTINCT (9pm, Wed, BBC1) cheesily
         redresses the balance in favour of evolutionary psychology,
         with the first of a 4-part series covering fleeing, feeding,
         fighting - and mating?...

         FILM>> Vin Diesel maintains that he learned everything he
         knows from playing videogames - "GoldenEye", presumably - in
         seemingly interminable Prague-set formulaic Bond knockoff XXX
         ( http://www.capalert.com/capreports/xxx.htm : long drug
         manufacturing warfare sequence; industrial metal [Rammstein]
         and new age metal music [Orbital]; wild revelry, multiple;
         cheering illegal activity; goal of anarchy through mass
         murder; massive tattoos)... the European flavour continues
         with Piper "Coyote Ugly" Perabo in the title role of Franco-
         Texan "Drop Dead Gorgeous"-alike SLAP HER, SHE'S FRENCH
         ( http://www.bbfc.co.uk/ : Contains strong language once and
         moderate sexual references), and kids' subtitled live-actioner
         ASTERIX & OBELIX: MISSION CLEOPATRA ( http://www.bbfc.co.uk/ :
         Contains mild bad language and innocuous drug references)...
         yet the most shocking content comes via the feature-length
         "non-stop frenetic animated action" of THE POWERPUFF GIRLS
   ( http://www.screenit.com/movies/2002/the_powerpuff_girls_movie.html :
         various colorful phrases are uttered; several adult female
         characters are drawn with shapely bodies and some occasional
         cleavage; for those with issues about evolution, a display in
         a zoo shows monkeys evolving into man; mechanical like super
         primate discharging bombs from his rear end like feces; some
         impressionable kids might be enticed to imitate some of the
         action and fighting that occurs in the film)...

         AD MUSIC FOR SIX PEOPLE>> and as FEEDER are starting more and
         more to resemble the Foo Fighters, and BADLY DRAWN BOY's "You
         Were Right" fails to correct the impression that he's turning
         into the bloke out of The Divine Comedy, it was left to SNARK
         (via http://www.everyonehatesattachments.com/ ) to attempt to
         identify the string sample in MADONNA's theme to "Die Another
         Day", which he believes to be Track 5, "The Fencing Lesson",
         from the soundtrack to "The Mask of Zorro". Meanwhile, ADRIAN
         FURBY believes his ongoing vigilance "has made the world just
         that little bit safer" by identifying that "Australian Burger
         King" Hungry Jacks have a song in their latest campaign "that
         sounds very much like 'Parklife' by Blur, but isn't". Plus:
         "What makes a 'soundalike'?", he muses, apparently without
         provocation. "In my opinion it's a track that uses almost the
         same chord progression (perhaps in a different key), the same
         instrumentation, the same production values (eg: reverb,
         compression), and the same rhythm and tempo as the original".
         Yup, Adrian, we reckon that ought to help... not many more
         outstanding ad soundalikes this month - the Jamie Oliver one
         with the bath sounds a bit like the intro of "A Little Less
         Conversation"; DAN PEARCE reckoned that "Friskies GoCat think
         they can get the 2Tone vote by having their soundtrack try its
         hardest to be 'On My Radio' by The Selector" - but
         commiserations to all of you who alleged that the Coke ad
         "where some bloke drives off in a lawnmower without a thought
         for what the tarmac will do to the cutting blades" (DAN PEARCE
         again) is "supposed to be the theme from Futurama". "Never
         Mind The Buzzcocks" team captain PHILL JUPITUS (who doesn't
         read NTK, but happily shares his wisdom on matters of topical
         importance) swiftly clarified that this track is actually
         "EVA" by Jean Jacques Perry, possibly as remixed by Fatboy
         Slim - and perhaps the inspiration for the Futurama theme in
         the first place?... in other music news, CLIVE HOLLOWAY noted
         the omission of the "I was gonna make love to you" verse from
         the right-click-for-a-scary-copyright-notice Afroman fan site:
         http://www.addictionnetwork.co.uk/schoolscup.htm [NTK 2002-08-
         02]; MARK DZ thought we might enjoy - correctly, as it turned
         out - the "Tainted Perl"-style lyrical rewrites of "Let It Be"
         and "Wonderwall" over at http://firewallmonkeys.com/songs/ ;
         but DIARMUID MALLON took the no-prize for pop pedantry by
         noting that the US Hyundai Sonata ad where the flute music
         sounds "so very close to Jethro Tull's 'Thick As A Brick' -
         but not quite close enough, if you're a [Jethro] Tull fan"
         [reader PAUL BORT, NTK 2002-07-05] is indeed Ian Anderson of
         Jethro Tull playing "Thick As A Brick" on his flute, this
         information being widely available in the "excellent" Jethro
         Tull fanzine, "A New Day". Really Paul, how much closer would
         you like it to get?...



                               >> SMALL PRINT <<

       Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
         happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
       on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
     nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
                       Registered at the Post Office as
               "what happens when an antiglobalisation activist
                decides takes on the establishment, not on the
                     streets but across digital networks."
                      http://www.furyfever.com/index.asp

                                 NEED TO KNOW
            THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK.
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