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        "Mr Gallup said the findings may also apply to women who engage 
         in unprotected oral sex and people who engage in anal sex. But 
         he said further research was needed in these areas..."
       http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/health/newsid_2067000/2067223.stm
         ...and they call me "Mr Gallup" - because of my extensive poll
                 

                                >> HARD NEWS <<
                                autonomous CPUs

         Lot of talk this week about Microsoft's new bluesky project:
         In the softest of previews in Newsweek, Steven Levy banged
         on about PALLADIUM, alluding to the sacred (but as it turns
         out, a bit horse-blind) guardian of Troy. British readers
         will know the term better as the fancy West End theatre that
         spawned Beatlemania and now shows overpriced performances of
         "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang". Figures: either way, you're not
         getting in, and we're not sure you'd want to. In a
         (cryptographically hardened) nutshell: Microsoft's Palladium
         will be an area of your future PC, fenced off and unreadable
         except for trusted software. "Untrusted" apps won't have
         have access. And how does code gain Palladium's trust? By
         having you, the PC owner, sanction its entry? Oh no.
         *You're* untrustworthy - you might sign in your dodgy CD and
         DVD ripping programs. No, this area will only be for
         software sanctioned by Microsoft and their paying friends -
         Hollywood-approved media players, for instance. No backstage
         pass for you at this Palladium, even though you own the damn
         theatre. As Ross Anderson points out in his FAQ, "Palladium"
         is just Microsoft's fancy name for the old "Trusted PC"
         initiative. And the only reason why they need to trust the
         PC is: they don't trust its owner. Remember that when the
         hard sell begins: the only person Palladium protects your
         computer from - is you.
         http://www.msnbc.com/news/770511.asp
                   - Levy ensuring that RMS *stays* "the Last Hacker"
         http://www.cl.cam.ac.uk/users/rja14/tcpa-faq.html
                              - Ross Anderson, Cassandra to this tale
         http://www.extremetech.com/article2/0,3973,274309,00.asp
          - hold on: this project is headed by someone called Juarez?
         http://www.alt2600.com/faqs/
                                         - is that some kind of joke?

         Still, there are places where "security through obscurity" 
         is the only way to go, as shown by this week's clueless 
         coverage of the radio enthusiasts "putting Royals at risk" by 
         posting Special Branch frequencies and callsigns to the likes 
         of alt.radio.scanner.uk. The obvious "don't shoot the 
         messenger" arguments are left as an exercise for the reader: 
         Might terrorists have somehow stumbled onto such fiendish 
         signals-intelligence tactics already? And if publicising the 
         availability of this info does constitute such a huge security 
         risk, then why is the BBC blabbing to all and sundry? Beyond 
         reproach, of course, are those who continue to use unencrypted 
         channels for potentially sensitive traffic - after all, the 
         only time they've had to react to this terrifying high-tech 
         development has been since the last big news scare on the 
         subject: ooh, only about 6 years ago.
         http://groups.google.com/groups?selm=3195BD23.6357%40iquest.net
           - and you can search Google groups for "Paul Wey" yourself
         http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/uk/newsid_2064000/2064388.stm
            - those "Enigma" movies and TV shows just give them ideas

         So how come Rusty off of Kuro5hin can garner $35,000 in a
         few days, but OPEN PROJECTS founder Rob "lilo" Levin is
         still struggling to get a measly $12,000 from the users of
         that IRC network - even after sending repeated network-wide
         requests to pay up? Well, we can't speak for Rusty's
         success, but one top tip for Rob might be: try not to throw
         *all* your potential contributors out before you hit your
         totals. Following criticism of lilo's begging tactics, both
         #slashdot and #brits channels were killed by the touchy
         IRCop. They've now moved en masse to new servers (#slash to
         irc.oublinet.net, #brits to the fledgling irc.oftc.net
         network), and as Australia threatens to delink, and the
         parodies gather, it looks like OPN has a full scale 
         rebellion on its hands. Sure hope some of that twelve grand
         went on a clone army...
         http://lilo.sargasso.net/
                          - although we guess bots could do at a push
         http://liloaid.ecce.co.uk/
            - this is the kind of mickey-taking that gets you k-lined
         http://crackmonkey.org/pipermail/crackmonkey/2001q1/017271.html
                                                - the status, as ever


                                >> ANTI-NEWS <<
                             berating the obvious

         yeah, thanks kids: http://www.globalchild.org/99pics/Gable.jpg 
         (after all http://www.globalchild.org/ has done for you)... 
         this week's increasingly Freudian PUERILE GOOGLE MISSPELLINGS: 
         http://www.google.co.uk/search?q=disocunt , "satandard", and 
         http://www.google.com/search?q=unsaved%3A%2F%2F%2Fnewpage2 ... 
         "a courtier once tried to take away her bottle of Gordon's - 
         she ate his liver with some fava beans and a gin and tonic": 
         http://www.ntk.net/2002/06/28/dohbowes-lecter.jpg ...
http://europa.eu.int/BFM/consultation/index.cfm?fuseaction=form&id_form=204
         options include age group "Unknown", gender "Don't know"... 
         it's a totally new ultra-topical WIDDECOMBE OF THE WEEK: 
http://www.celebmatch.com/birthdayform.php?categoryid=1448&celebrity=R%20Kelly
         ... just oozing QUALITY: http://www.qualitysolutions.co.uk/ 
         ... c'mon, Nick: http://www.vitalfusion.co.uk/community/ ... 
         somehow we think WORLDCOM's trial is going to last a little 
         longer than that: http://www.ntk.net/2002/06/28/dohwo.gif ... 


                               >> EVENT QUEUE <<
                         goto's considered non-harmful

         Something of an XCOM reunion at next week's DORKBOT LONDON 
         (from around 7pm, Wed 2002-07-03, State 51, near Brick Lane, 
         London E2, free), with wearable Spectrum guy JAMES LARSSON 
         sharing his extensive retro-tech experience, and former UK 
         linuxchick SARAH EWEN presenting her "PlayStation Haikus": 
         
           Yes. The DUALSHOCK®2             for the source code is
           analog controllers can           owned by many different
           be used by Linux                 organizations
         
                           compatible with
                           computer monitors that
                           support "sync on green"
         
         plus a hopefully less truncated performance from the DORKBOT 
         12V ORCHESTRA - "bring an electrical/electronic noisemaker for 
         an ad-hoc jam session at the end". Immediately afterwards, the 
         PS2/Linux gang whizz down to Bristol for the UKUUG LINUX 
         DEVELOPERS' CONFERENCE AND EXHIBITION (from 9am, Thu 2002-07-
         04, University of Bristol, "Exhibition" area free to the 
         public on Fri pm and all day Saturday). Here, organiser 
         Alasdair "There can be only one" Kergon promises a head-to-
         head face-off between 2.4 kernel maintainer MARCELO TOSATTI 
         (aka http://www.marcelothewonderpenguin.com/ ) and The Hurd's 
         MARCUS BRINKMANN, plus Security Networks AG's NILS MAGNUS 
         revealing the "top programs he'd put on his hard disk for 
         attacking Linux systems from a desert island".
         http://dorkbot.org/dorkbotlondon/
               - (those aren't the real haikus; we just made them up)
         http://www.ukuug.org/events/linux2002/
           - this "ironic media sponsor" lark's turned out quite well
         http://www.symphony.vdb.pl/menu.php
              - also from Wed: "demo extremists gathering", in Poland


                                >> TRACKING <<
               sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering

         CHRONIC LOGIC, makers of that Monster Truck Rally of long
         span bridge design, Pontifex [see NTK 2001-10-19], have
         crashed slowly and unstoppably into the world of Tetris.
         TRIPTYCH is Tetris with CL's trademark crumbly physics.
         Columns collapse under their own weight, L-shapes can be
         used to punt pieces out of the way, and when you're losing
         you can desperately try and squeeze down the pile like an
         overflowing wastepaper basket under your hobnailed boot.
         It's Carmageddon on blocks. The gameplay isn't quite as good
         as the spectator appeal, and those mean chroniclogicians are
         still restricting the full version to people with $14.95.
         But it's for Mac 9, Windows, and Intel Linux, so it's not
         like they'll turn your money away.
         http://www.chroniclogic.com/noflash/
                                          - except for you, Amiga boy
         http://www.chroniclogic.com/noflash/triptych/screen.html
                       - screenshots look like some April Fools' joke
         http://www.ntk.net/index.cgi?b=02001-10-19&l=160#l
                                                      - all fall down


                                >> MEMEPOOL <<
                ceci n'est pas une http://www.gagpipe.com/

         still beating ZDNET to the hottest new corporate anthems: 
         http://www.ntk.net/2002/06/28/hpparty.mp3 ... humbled by 
         recent brush with death, WINER wonders what it's all worth: 
     http://scriptingnews.userland.com/backissues/2002/06/25#When:6:39:32AM
         inevitably: http://www.antisigma.com/baby/ ... World's 
         Funniest IRC: http://www.geekissues.org/quotes/?top ... GOOGLE 
         SEES ALL: http://labs.google.com/sets?q1=enron&q2=worldcom ... 
         Hunter S Thompson - everything Harlan Ellison wants to be and 
         so much more: http://www.gonzo.org/pix/HunterDuped.jpg ... 
         "use strict": http://www.raverporn.net/tour/images/sample48.jpg 
         ... http://aolwatch.org/landers.htm - so perish the lame urban 
         myth perpetuators... BBC interviewer imitates ALAN PARTRIDGE:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/media/video/38097000/rm/_38097140_kournikova56k_vi.ram
         - could have asked if she'd like to become a digitised 
         sportscasting avatar called "AnnaKournikovaNova"... 


                                >> GEEK MEDIA <<
               oops, missed last week's http://www.tvgohome.com/

         TV>> BBC Choice hosts Adam and Joe wheel out their hilarious 
         "John Peel/ Jo Whiley" characters for the BBC2 coverage of 
         GLASTONBURY 2002 (from 7.30pm, BBC Choice; 11.35pm, BBC2, Fri-
         Sun)... aptly enough, GROUNDHOG DAY (2am, Fri, ITV) gets a 
         second showing since last being on ITV about 6 weeks ago... 
         and Sly Stallone accidentally drops a woman down a canyon and 
         gets chased around in the snow by the round-faced man from 
         "Third Rock From The Sun" in CLIFFHANGER (9.30pm, Sat, BBC1): 
         http://www.tvgohome.com/2209-2000.html ... it's Ice Cube, 
         Jennifer Connelly and Kristy Swanson - together at last! - in 
         John "Boyz N the Hood" Singleton's college-issue drama HIGHER 
         LEARNING (1.40am, Sat, C4)... Charlotte Uhlenbroek goes beyond 
         humanity's more immediate ancestors in TALKING WITH ANIMALS 
         (8pm, Sun, BBC1) - once again with a slight but perceptible 
         emphasis on how this might enable you to have sex with them... 
         while C5 showcases its more proactive approach to interspecies 
         communication with its near-annual showing of GREMLINS (9pm, 
         Sun, C5)... on digital, it's cute-haircuts season-one episodes 
         of BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER every weekday (6pm, Mon-Fri, 
         Sky1)... the Sci-Fi Channel skips over the prophetic pilot 
         episode of X-Files spinoff THE LONE GUNMEN (9pm, Mon, Sci-Fi): 
     http://www.conspiracyplanet.com/channel.cfm?channelid=73&contentid=301
         ... but BBC Choice picks up Denis Leary's acclaimed "Homicide: 
         Life On The Street"-style cop comedy THE JOB (10.30pm, Tue; 
         11.30pm, Wed, BBC Choice)... Anthony Hopkins acquires A TASTE 
         FOR HANNIBAL (10.35pm, Wed, BBC1) before joining the Matthew 
         Broderick/ Bridget Fonda/ Lara Flynn Boyle health-spa frolics 
         THE ROAD TO WELLVILLE (11.35pm, Wed, BBC1)... Steve McQueen 
         stars in a feature-length contextualisation of the popular 
         Ford ad, BULLITT (9pm, Thu, C5)... and C4 follows THE REAL 
         COUNTRY HOUSE (8.30pm, Thu, C4) with the similarly titled THE 
         HOUSE OF WAR (9pm, Thu, C4), in which members of the public 
         and journalists reconstruct the roles of Taliban prisoners 
         trying to take over the fort of Qala-i-Jangi... 
         
         FILM>> so it's basically similar to the arty 1970s original, 
         except there's now an extra "what happened next" ending, the 
         action scenes aren't as good, and all the players wear comedy 
         helmets in John McTiernan's somewhat disappointing ROLLERBALL 
         ( http://www.capalert.com/capreports/rollerball.htm : male/ 
         female fighting; [Rebecca "X-Men" Romijn-Stamos] placing 
         [Chris Klein]'s face on her nude chest; mob rule with 
         destruction, twice; driving without consideration of the 
         safety and property of others)... making this week's surprise 
         recommendation Sandra Bullock and Ben "Game On" Chaplin versus 
         a couple of teenage dirtbag Iron Maiden fans in uneven but 
         interesting "Silence Of The Lambs"-lite MURDER BY NUMBERS 
         ( http://www.screenit.com/movies/2002/murder_by_numbers.html : 
         [Chaplin] runs his hand along [Bullock's] clothed breast and 
         tries to run it up under her shirt; it's possible some kids 
         could be enticed to attempt to commit and try to get away with 
         a "perfect" murder)... "Ben Chaplin Week" continues when he 
         goofily orders Russian mail order bride Nicole Kidman off the 
         internet in mildly unsavoury St Albans-set caper BIRTHDAY GIRL 
         ( http://www.cndb.com/movie.html?title=Birthday+Girl : Nicole 
         once again shows us her tight little bum, though it's not 
         quite as good as her work in Eyes Wide Shut. The scene is a 
         little too quick to be thoroughly enjoyed in the movie 
         theater)... otherwise it seems to be another week for dumping 
         US flops like Frankie "Malcolm In The Middle" Muniz's ill-
         judged "Home Alone"/"Ferris Bueller's Day Off" hybrid BIG FAT 
         LIAR ( http://www.capalert.com/capreports/bigfatliar.htm : 
         conspiracy to commit deceit against fair authority; invitation 
         to a 14 year old girl to spend the weekend with a 14 year old 
         boy with no parents; offer of cigar to a child)... Martin 
         Lawrence con-fest WHAT'S THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN? 
( www.screenit.com/movies/2001/what's_the_worst_that_could_happen.html :
         Some kids may want to imitate all of the goofy stuff that 
         [Lawrence] does, including dancing around with his butt 
         sticking out; [William "Black Hawk Down" Fichtner] acts like a 
         flamboyant fop)... Peter "2010" Hyams' long-unawaited wirework 
         kung-fu period piece THE MUSKETEER (imdb: based-on-novel/ 
         sword-fight/ throat-slitting)... or the pioneeringly 
         transgressive campus gross-out NATIONAL LAMPOON'S VAN WILDER 
( http://www.screenit.com/movies/2002/national_lampoon's_van_wilder.html :
         [Tara Reid] shows some cleavage; consumption of dog semen in 
         pastries, farting, gastrointestinal distress and release, 
         [...] projectile vomiting)... 
         
         BONERS: CORRECTIONS, CLARIFICATIONS, AND "INCORRECTLY REGARDED 
         AS GOOFS">> well, at least BRUCE STERLING got last week's gag 
         about "Jean de Florette II: Die Jean de Florette Die" - "oh ha 
         haha HA ha ha ha, <cough>, ha ha", he mailed (even though - 
         spoiler warning - Jean de Florette is technically dead in the 
         sequel, we maintain that the joke *is* justified because the 
         second film is still about the circumstances surrounding his 
         demise. Hey, check them out for yourself: both films remain 
         masterpieces of contemporary world cinema. And also, because 
         they're in French, you can fast forward through all the slow 
         bits and still follow what's going on from the subtitles)... 
         other than that, just a few things to clear up about this 
         month's now-almost dreamlike Extreme Computing extravaganza: 
         "Sadly, it is not my fate that I be in the UK at that time," 
         yearned reader NATHAN PARRISH, inquiring if we were "aware of 
         a NTK-ish sort of thing in the Bay Area, that might sponsor 
         similar events?" Dude, the whole reason we put this on in 
         London was because we felt it was the sort of emerging-
         technologies entertainment you West Coast guys were having 
         *all the time*... "Err, not quite right", muttered ED 
         COURTENAY, of our (numerous) claims that Nigel Alderton was 
         the original author of Chuckie Egg. "IIRC, Chuckie Egg was 
         originally written for the BBC Micro by Mike Elson, published 
         by A&F Software in 1983 and later ported to the Spectrum by 
         Nigel", he counterclaims. Wah-wah oops, Ed - according to A&F 
         Software's Doug Anderson (speaking in the Easter 2002 edition 
         of the famously authoritative "Edge" magazine): "It was 
         actually an external guy called Nigel Alderton who came to us 
         with a Spectrum game he'd done called Eggy Kong" - which, 
         incidentally, we still think is a better name for it... and 
         finally, apologies to STEFAN MAGDALINSKI, who attended the 
         event in the hope of seeing "an onstage rerun of Danny having 
         a fight with all his ex-girlfriends, like at [1999's NTK LIVE 
         #3: http://www.ntk.net/index.cgi?b=01999-10-08&l=125#l ]". But 
         this time, Stef suggested, "with gambling. I want a fiver on 
         Quinn this time". Reader, she married him... 


                               >> SMALL PRINT <<

       Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
         happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
       on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
     nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
                       Registered at the Post Office as
     "UK's top YAHOO SERIOUS lookalike maintains 'boy inventor' reputation"
                   http://www.blackbeltjones.com/warchalking/               


                                 NEED TO KNOW
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