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   "...the brand-name purveyors of American food, fashion and
   entertainment have never had it so good. Hardly a city on the
   planet is without McDonald's and CNN and Levi's and MTV. American
   films are omnipresent and in some markets dominant, accounting for
   nearly three quarters of movie admissions in Western Europe. Who
   Wants To Be A Millionaire is a hit in several Asian countries."
         "The Ever-Expanding Profit-Maximizing
                     Cultural-Imperialist, Wonderful World of Disney"
                                                 - WIRED 10.02, pp.72
 ... Millionaire comes from the US? Is that your *final answer*, Wired?
                                  Or would you like to call a friend?


                                >> HARD NEWS <<
                                etat des .coops

         Cambridge cryptomancer ROSS ANDERSON continues to be
         citizen-most-likely-to-be-classed-a-munition, as he blows
         the (and his) lid off a classy new bit of UK legislation.
         The EXPORT CONTROL BILL 2002, Anderson notes, allows the
         government to proactively prohibit any "transfer of
         technology" between British people and dirty foreigners.
         "Technology" here means intangibles like encryption
         algorithms, and reverse-engineering techniques. "Transfer"
         here includes teaching or publishing in peer-reviewed
         journals. Or speaking loudly to people who might know
         foreigners. (Oh, and the government can also ban any talk of
         DSPs, spread spectrum devices, parallel programming and the
         crazy monkey magic inside 3D graphics cards that have a
         "three dimensional vector rate of over 3,000,000"). Those
         who remember when the only way of exporting crypto out of
         the US was by tattooing it onto your arm will recognise some
         of these provisions: nice to see us finally catching up.
         Especially since the US relaxed those embarrassing crypto
         regulations last year, when it became obvious how flawed
         they were. Takes time for that sort of common-sense to leak
         out of any country though. Careless talk and all that.
         http://www.cl.cam.ac.uk/users/rja14/exportbill.html
                                           - shhh! parliament at work

         Not to be left out, the EU of course has its own answer to the
         USA's ever-popular Digital Millennium Copyright Act - THE
         EUROPEAN UNION COPYRIGHT DIRECTIVE. The former-Free-Sklyarov
         guys (now called "the Campaign for Digital Rights") are
         currently gathering a fellowship of dissenters to try and toss
         some of its more extreme sanctions back into Mount Doom, and
         are holding their first public planning meeting in Cambridge
         in a couple of weeks' time (Sat 2002-02-23). No confirmed
         venue so far, but that's because you haven't RSVPd yet (to
         miniconf@uk.eurorights.org ) so they'll know how many people
         are coming. Full details will be in next week's issue, so if
         you're a reverse-engineer, an activist, a librarian, an ISP,
         or just generally concerned about the dark shroud of copy
         protection spreading across the once-carefree internet, then
         it should definitely be a fun day out.
         http://www.openrevolt.org/
           - now comes with its very own DMCA-style "Takedown Clause"

         Oh, just what the world needs: another unmanageable top
         level domain. Enter ".coop": ICANN's token nod to the Left
         and exclusive TLD for the co-operative movement. And one of
         the first customers for the freshly besuited registrars, the
         comrades at POPTEL? Why 2600 Magazine, those crazed
         hackeratchiks and preemptive owners of such classic DNS
         mindgames as verizonsucks.com, and fuckgeneralmotors.com.
         Amazingly, it transpires that the co-operative movement
         isn't too keen to associate themselves with such types,
         Battle for Seattle or no. Except; wait. Can POPTEL
         legitimately refuse? The criteria for the new TLD, as listed
         on the NIC's About page, seems strict - but includes
         organisations "that are committed to the 'seven cooperative
         principles'". Which, a quick ruffle through the charmingly
         Swiss International Coop Alliance website shows, is about as
         holey as the co-located cheese. According to this,
         practically anything a bit hippyish and organised  via the
         Net gets through: any open source project, bloody
         kuro5hin.org, a good bit of USENET, probably us. And almost
         definitely 2600. First one to get foo.coop wins!
         http://www.nic.coop/about.asp#whocoop
      - the real winners: whoever's "escrowing" the registration cash
         http://www.ica.coop/ica/info/enprinciples.html
                                      - so who's the treasurer, kids?


                                >> ANTI-NEWS <<
                             berating the obvious

         UKP44,000 jewellery generously throws in ribbon "free of
         charge": http://store.europe.yahoo.com/confetti-uk/w44212.html
         ... BBC NEWS ONLINE fears nightmarish 1984-themed bouncy
         castle: http://www.ntk.net/2002/02/08/dohbro.png ... getting
         WIDDY wid' it: http://www.ntk.net/2002/02/08/dohcat.png ... we
         could try looking down the back of the sofa again, I suppose:
         http://uk.news.yahoo.com/020203/80/crhyh.html ... will I be
         forced to repeat myself here?: http://www.poptel.org.uk/scgn/
         ... wow - just look how fast this new NVIDIA chip "blits":
         http://www.ntk.net/2002/02/08/dohnv.gif ... where JESUS JONES
         "are now": http://www.sxsw.com/music/0festival/bands/ ...
         http://www.thebrainstrust.co.uk/article.27.2172.html imitates
         http://www.theonion.com/onion2816/vowels2816.html ... banner
         adversity: http://www.ntk.net/2002/02/08/dohorac.png ... why
         not impress your prestigious clients with a clearly unfinished
         page design?: http://www.australia.org.uk/home/html/ ,
         http://webdesign.freezone.co.uk/ ... most disturbing "doh" of
         the year: http://www.ntk.net/2002/02/08/dohinnis.jpg vs
         http://cgi.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=112537 ...


                               >> EVENT QUEUE <<
                         goto's considered non-harmful

         In a slightly more brutal commemoration of the fact that we're
         all just mindless automatons driven by genetically 
         predetermined instinct honed by the merciless rigours of
         natural selection, Tue 2002-02-12 is of course DARWIN DAY,
         internationally celebrated by "with it" biology teachers
         dressing up and taking questions as the great man
         (increasingly regarded to have been at least as influential in
         his time as Richard Dawkins is today). The occasion seems
         particularly popular in the US where, we understand, Darwin's
         theories are now regarded with merely suspicion, not fear,
         though you can't help wonder what kind of message they're
         sending with events like the "Darwin look-alike contest"
         (Ennis High School, Texas), and the University of Louisiana's
         showing of the notoriously Lamarckian David Duchovny comedy
         "Evolution".
         http://www.darwinday.org/events/calendar.html
                     - guest of honour: the dolphin from Seaquest DSV
         http://www.potato.org.uk/include.asp?sec=76&con=76
             - a heart, stuffed with chips? is this a health warning?
         http://www.newstatesman.co.uk/nma2002about.htm
        - oh god, awards season again: http://gbloggies.blogspot.com/
         http://www.cucs.ucam.org/
            - on Wed: that talk he did at Strange Attractor that time


                                >> TRACKING <<
               sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering

         MIRC, Britain's most popular software export (yes that is a
         made up fact - but sounds likely, doesn't it?) hit the big
         6.0 this week. Unfortunately, it's one of those slightly
         dull integer version upgrades involving an invisible rewrite
         of the Windows IRC client to remove krufty 16 bit code, some
         epic struggles with fairly pressing bugs, and heavy code
         mincing to include multi-server sessions. For users, perhaps
         a disappointing end to the long wait. Still, worth getting
         if only for its reassuring Class of '95 interface, and to
         prevent the 1337 taking advantage of the <v5.9 exploits that
         even the freaking BBC know about.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/sci/tech/newsid_1801000/1801015.stm
                          - "People who like to talk on the internet"
         http://www.mirc.co.uk/
         - *** You were kicked by CrackMonkey (No mIRC users allowed)
         http://www.trillian.cc/
                            - but you have no "emotisounds", old man!
         http://www.bitchx.com/
             - "while I am a BitchX user, and look down on them both"


                                >> MEMEPOOL <<
                ceci n'est pas une http://www.gagpipe.com/

         newspapers exploring new online/offline content paradigms:
         http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/ ... the force is strong in
         ENRON: http://www.startribune.com/stories/804/1402822.html ...
         yeah, right - like we don't all have a drawer full of these:
         http://rs.snoochdesigns.com/rejection.jpg ... looking forward
         to the inevitable http://www.b3ta.com/ animation already:
         http://www.datagenics.com/n/html/shutup.htm ... look-likey of
         the week: it's Johnny Vaughan crossed with Stelios Easyjet!:
         http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/uk/newsid_1800000/1800098.stm
         ... top-posting perverts make sick bid for respectability:
http://www.ietf.org/internet-drafts/draft-bambenek-posting-guidelines-00.txt
         ... must be a bit dull playing it on a flat surface, surely?:
         http://www.btinternet.com/~peter.clements/sentinel/chess.htm
         ... .asp programmers flaunt sophisticated sense of humour:
         http://www.teamfishcake.co.uk/royle/ ... "What kind of woman
         doesn't get wet when she sees a good-looking man [...] typing
         software code at light-speed with 10 different windows open,
         including the debugger?", ponders white separatists' guide to
         dating: http://www.vanguardnewsnetwork.com/index192.htm ...
         say it with DESPAIR: http://www.despair.com/bittersweets.html
         - or live crustaceans: http://www.lobsteranywhere.com/ ...


                                >> GEEK MEDIA <<
                                  get out less

         TV>> the aptly named Jim Hacker attempts "to have privacy
         safeguards implemented for the new national computer database"
         in a still-topical 1980 episode of YES, MINISTER (8.30pm, Sat,
         BBC2)... we found ourselves rooting for the NSA geeks in
         flashy Will Smith technoparanoia chase flick ENEMY OF THE
         STATE (9.15pm, Sat, BBC1)... and if that guy off POP IDOL LIVE
         FINAL (7.10pm, Sat, ITV) doesn't stammer when he sings, why
         doesn't he just sing everything he says, like he was in a
         musical or something?... disaster docu ACCIDENTS IN SPACE
         (11pm, Sun, BBC2) probably isn't intended to refer to
         insufficiently advanced Arthur C Clarke adaptation TRAPPED IN
         SPACE (11.50pm, Sun, BBC1), nor comic-book Bruce Willis stunt-
         casting space-opera THE FIFTH ELEMENT (10pm, Sun, C4)... the
         uncredited Jon Lovitz is the funniest thing in Sandler/
         Barrymore nostalgia-bash THE WEDDING SINGER (8.30pm, Mon,
         BBC1)... the start of half-term coincides with two new digital
         kids' channels, CBBC (formerly UK Play) and CBEEBIES (formerly
         BBC Choice), plus - presumably unintentionally - the postponed
         DOUBLE LIFE OF JONATHAN KING (10pm, Mon, C4)... while Graham
         Hancock continues probing the FLOODED KINGDOMS OF THE ICE AGE
         (9pm, Mon, C4) - can't wait for his show about the Face on
         Mars: http://www.planetarymysteries.com/egypt/sphinxmars.html
         ... Tue sees a two-way head-to-head trenchcoat shootout
         between Schwarzenegger classic THE TERMINATOR (10.30pm, Tue,
         ITV) and DiCaprio's THE BASKETBALL DIARIES (12.05am, Tue, C4),
         followed by HG Wells short story fantasy THE MAN WHO COULD
         WORK MIRACLES (2am, Tue, C4)... ok, we'll shut up about the
         Tarantino cameo monologue in SLEEP WITH ME (3.20am, Wed, C4)
         ... then it's ratings gimmick night on Wed, as HORIZON (9pm,
         Thu, BBC2) looks at parallel universes, TROUBLE AT THE TOP
         (9.50pm, Thu, BBC2) blames management shortcomings for the
         downfall of "Rock Profiles" favourites Bucks Fizz, yet BUFFY
         THE VAMPIRE SLAYER: THE MUSICAL (8pm, Thu, Sky1) turns out to
         be better than you'd ever dared hope for...

         FILM>> "he scares, because he cares" - but that's enough about
         Johnny Depp/ Heather Graham cor-blimey Victorian Silence-Of-
         The-Lambs Alan-Moore-adaptation Jack-the-Ripper-romp FROM HELL
         (http://www.capalert.com/capreports/fromhell.htm : knife
         murders, repeatedly)... because Pixar CGI-fest MONSTERS INC
         doesn't just reflect the new "Trekkian Idealism" in kids'
         entertainment - http://www.hollywoodjesus.com/monster_inc.htm
         - it's also packed full of pixel-perfect details like the kid
         not having a speaking part, a genius closing shot, and there's
         even a couple of references to other movies every now and
         again ( http://uk.imdb.com/Trivia?0198781: the last half of
         Chuck Jones' 1952 classic Feed the Kitty (1952 short) cartoon
         is included scene-for-scene when Sulley thinks that Boo has
         been thrown in the trash compactor; this is the fourth movie
         to feature both John Goodman and Steve Buscemi and is the
         first of the four not to be directed and produced by Joel Coen
         and Ethan Coen)...

         CONFECTIONERY THEORY>> when we saw him in a pub this week,
         comedian MILTON JONES was philosophical about the new REVELS
         ad http://media.guardian.co.uk/creative/0,9706,468517,00.html
         - loads of people wrote to The Guardian saying he'd being
         doing the "Russian roulette" idea for years, though obviously
         Mars have ditched the life-threatening peanut allergy aspect
         ... sorry, LAURA JAMES, but Pfizer have "no immediate plans"
         for a UK launch of the breath-freshening LISTERINE POCKETPAKS
         (US$1.49) which you say you enjoyed at last year's CES, and
         evocatively describe as "little strips of green cellophane-
         type material", which "dissolved on the tongue into a strong,
         minty haze": http://www.prodhelp.com/oral_care17.shtml ...
         you'll have to make do with the unsettling oral experience of
         NESTLE'S "MONSTERS INC" MIKE'S BURSTING EYES (32p/packet) -
         "Eyeball Shaped Gums With A Liquid Centre" - though we thought
         they'd benefit from a Fruit-Pastille-style sour-sugar frosting
         ... over in savouries, BURGER KING are taking advantage of
         McDONALD'S new-product lull with their bizarre yet pleasant
         CHICKEN KORMA WRAP (from UKP2.49), BK JALFREZI DOUBLE (from
         2.49), and ONION BHAJI RINGS (99p) - "made with real Indian
         spices", apparently, which certainly assuages our doubts about
         their being just ordinary BK products with a different sauce
         on them. BIRDS EYE hope to save their "ailing" ENJOY! frozen
         meals http://www.ntk.net/index.cgi?b=02001-02-09&l=270#l with
         3 new varieties: "Sweet Chilli Chicken with Szechwan Noodles",
         "Tandoori Chicken Biryani" and "Vegetable Biryani", while the
         ongoing ingratiation of PepsiCo-owned WALKERS into the UK
         snack market continues with Marmite and Cheese-and-Branston-
         Pickle flavoured crisps, plus Bacon and Cheese-and-Bacon
         flavoured CORN FOOTBALLS (27p/packet)... as ever, we await
         your sightings of: SUN-PAT PEANUT BUTTER FLAVOUR MARYLAND
         COOKIES, FOX'S COOKIE POPPETS, NESTLE LITTLE ROLOS (32p),
         TWIXELS Twix fingers (99p box of 24), TERRY'S CHOCOLATE ORANGE
         EGG & SPOON (UKP1.99), the CADBURY'S CREME EGG ICE-CREAM CONE
         (only in supermarkets, UKP2.49 for pack of 4) and, perhaps
         most intriguingly of all, WRIGLEY'S X-CITE "pearls" of gum
         (49p) - available in "Rush" and "Delight" mint flavours, the
         intensity of which can be controlled by how many you put in
         your mouth at once, and thus appealing to "adventurous 16 to
         34 year-olds looking for new experiences". Keep looking, kids.
         Keep looking...

                               >> SMALL PRINT <<

       Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
         happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
       on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
     nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
                       Registered at the Post Office as
                          "Surprisingly Full of WeWe"
                        http://shorterlink.com/?Q30HNH

                                 NEED TO KNOW
            THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK.
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