_   _ _____ _  __ <*the* weekly high-tech sarcastic update for the uk>
| \ | |_   _| |/ / _ __   __2002-03-15_ o join! mail an empty message to
|  \| | | | | ' / | '_ \ / _ \ \ /\ / / o ntknow-subscribe@lists.ntk.net
| |\  | | | | . \ | | | | (_) \ v  v /  o website (+ archive) lives at:
|_| \_| |_| |_|\_\|_| |_|\___/ \_/\_/   o     http://www.ntk.net/

         "Star Wars star Natalie Portman says she felt like a 'whore'
         while filming love scenes with Darth Vader."
                     http://uk.imdb.com/PeopleNews/2002/20020314.html
  ... slashdot troll community spontaneous combusts: PNG at eleven


                                >> HARD NEWS <<
                                  canal plus!

         So, was there really a News Corps conspiracy to haxx0r
         OnDigital smartcards? Well, much as we like sticking it to The
         (Australian) Man, we vote, as ever, for cock-up. Or rather,
         unauthorised zero-day warezing by boasting employees instead of
         sinister multinational masterplan.

         The core of Canal+ accusation is that News Corps leaked the
         reverse-engineered ROM image of the Canal+ MediaGuard smartcard
         to the underground back in 1999, deliberately creating the
         clone market for Canal+ and later OnDigital cards. The court
         case will doubtless reveal more evidence, but looking at the
         exhibit A, the SECAROM.ZIP source, you can see why Canal+ might
         be suspicious. The hexdump is marked "useless to us! carte was
         used as a testbed pull", and is signed "das deutches
         underground". Now, there aren't that many people in this world
         with a st16CF54 "testbed", but News Corps' NDS smartcard
         research unit in Israel is one of them. And there are even
         fewer Germans who can't spell the name of their own country.

         But even if it did come from NDS Israel, was it really a
         sanctioned leak? NDS's press release implies that Canal+
         have been trying to poach the employee they say leaked the
         code; and it certainly looks like a one-man leak to us. Now,
         the GUARDIAN's been working hard to link this SECAROM.ZIP
         leak with the dodgy NDS financial transactions with a
         separate cardcracking Website - implying a corporate-wide
         plot. Of course, the truth is that *everybody's* a bit of a
         grey-hat in the cryptocard community. That an NDS security
         chief might have paid off a hacking site to rat on its users
         (a theory confirmed by the chipping underground) is as
         shocking to us as a single reverse-engineer going all
         "information must be free" about his latest exploit. Still,
         if any of these suppositions are true, it doesn't help NDS:
         they're still responsible for rogue employees. But it's nice
         to know that Murdoch isn't quite *that* machiavellian. Isn't it?
         http://media.guardian.co.uk/news/story/0,7541,667040,00.html
                 - funny that only the Grauniad's covering it, isn't it?
         http://www.guardian.co.uk/online/story/0,3605,666690,00.html
         - of course the Guardian would never link to cracks, right?
                                     (see "Forget It", 3rd link down)
         http://www.google.com/search?q=secarom
                                  - oh sure *we'll* direct link to it.
         http://www.nds.com/newspdfs/NDSStatement_120302.pdf
                  - "why would they want to hire such a bad, bad, man?"

         Of course, some smart cards are easier to crack than others.
         Wandering, as every geek posse visiting our nation's capital
         is wont to do, into the Trocadero, the combined office RFID
         tags of the 2600 London posse were enough to set off one
         store's anti-shoplifting alarms. Of course, the 2600 gang
         are no strangers to tripwires (allegedly). But how bad,
         wondered the curious group, will it get when the Underground
         introduce their RFID-based contactless travel cards in the
         Autumn? Well, looking through the tech specs, the London
         Transport PRESTIGE cards look to be a bit more sophisticated
         than a few coils of wire stuck up a CD. But not *much* more.
         48-64 bit keys? Pah. Protected against replay attack? Young
         man, London's finest will be taking these things home for
         garage electron microscopy *every night*. Is the capital
         heading for the age of free-rides-for-the-l33t "Haxx0red
         Carriage"? And if so, which sinister corporation is going to
         bankroll *this* research? Brighton Council? The AA?
         http://www.spy.org.uk/london2600/01-03-02-zxnpp.htm
                                       - ooh, DNScon confirmation too
         http://www1.slb.com/smartcards/news/02/sct_london0801.html
                                                     - ooh, new toys!

         If you want cock-ups *and* conspiracies on an almost daily
         basis, wander no further than the good old domain name
         billing system. Why just today, if you were watching the
         servers, you'd have seen Demon put "police.uk" (ie every cop
         force in the country) "on hold" for not paying their domain
         bill. That's rather akin to suspending the whole of co.uk
         until Mr Co forks over his fiver. But that's not as bad -
         let's face it, nothing is *ever* as bad - as NETWORK
         SOLUTIONS. They just sent a bill to ARIN. For in-addr.arpa.
         http://www.freesoft.org/CIE/Course/Section2/15.htm
                  - long technical explanation of aforementioned joke
http://www.netsol.com/cgi-bin/whois/whois?STRING=root-servers.net&SearchType=do
                                     - 2003-07-05 could be a fun date


                                >> ANTI-NEWS <<
                             berating the obvious

         After "Developers, Developers", a new BALLMER catchphrase:
         http://makeashorterlink.com/?O30C2698 ... "arrogance of science"
         revealed: http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_493478.html vs
         http://www.wired.com/news/technology/0,1282,50930,00.html ... Third
         phase not looking good: http://www.ntk.net/2002/03/15/dohtony.gif
         ... http://www.thermaltake.com/ chooses "TT BOY" as mascot, unaware
         of sordid past: http://www.google.com/search?q=%22TT+Boy%22 ... oh
         these popstar riders I: http://www.ntk.net/2002/03/15/dohbragg.gif
         and II: http://www.ntk.net/2002/03/15/dohass.gif ... GAS: setting
         your child on fire : http://www.cambridge-gas.co.uk ... then killing
         the rest of your family: http://www.ntk.net/2002/03/15/dohgas.gif ...
         those awful WEB BUGS: (hit View Source and page to the bottom)
         http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/sci/tech/newsid_1493000/1493152.stm
         ... and ah, the unobtainable Fender Strat: (try clicking on form)
   https://secure.room101.co.uk/turnkey.pl?item1=Fender+strat&price1=?0.01 ...


                               >> EVENT QUEUE <<
                         goto's considered non-harmful

         Thanks to everyone who's mailed with suggestions of what
         they'd like to see at NTK's increasingly less hypothetical 5th
         birthday convention: big-league speakers like "Gonzo-
         Cluetrain-RageBoy-Locke" (Steve Johnston); "Wendy Grossman
         appearing as a folksinger" (Anon); and, it goes almost without
         saying, "DECENT BITTER in PEWTER TANKARDS" (J-P Stacey). We'd
         estimate there's a fairly good chance of all three at the
         potentially like-minded RICHARD STALLMAN event in Cambridge
         the Monday after next (4.15pm, 2002-03-25) - the musical
         element being Stallman himself who, it seems, can provide
         impromptu performances of his "Free The Software" song at the
         slightest provocation. "Software Patents - Obstacles To
         Development" is the unapologetically partisan theme of the
         talk, it's free to get in - RSVP to rmstalk@fipr.org to let
         them know numbers - but it marks the launch of the "Friends of
         FIPR" fundraising initiative so bring your cheque book. In the
         spirit of defiance that the Foundation for Information Policy
         Research is famous for, the venue is actually the "William
         Gates Building" where, local legend has it, the spirit of
         Microsoft is so powerful that even the dual-boot PCs
         automatically revert back to Windows after half an hour.
         http://www.fipr.org/stallman.html
              - aka the "University of Cambridge Computer Laboratory"
         http://graphics.stanford.edu/~eldridge/random/rms.html
 - vs http://www-1.ibm.com/servers/eserver/linux/fun/freethecode.html

         And the DECENT BITTER in PEWTER TANKARDS? Well, that'll be
         consumed - metaphorically, if not literally - at THE
         INQUIRER FIRST BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION (from 6pm, next Fri
         2002-03-22, upstairs at the Coach and Horses, Poland St,
         London W1). And no, we don't know if anyone from The
         Register is going. NTK has never been at war with The Inquirer...
         http://www.oofg.co.uk/OOFG_21_09_01/Images/Image11.jpg
             - NTK is at war with The Register. Do try and keep up...
         http://www.moralsupportonline.org/events.htm
                         - assuming you get this before 8pm on Fri...


                                >> TRACKING <<
               sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering

         "Found haiku" are lines         "haiku", a python
         that match the five seven five  two point two script will parse your
         syllable form of...             own text files for these.

         ... japanese verse, but         to count syllables
         which occur by accident         it needs both the cmu
         in normal text files.           pronunciation

         Most are quite ugly             word list and a great
         and unpoetic; still now         deal of time. And yeah, we know
         and then a gem shines.          they're not real haiku.

                          Quit whinging, art boy:
                          True art needs the human touch.
                          Or python two three.

         http://www.oblomovka.com/code/haiku.php3
                                               - bad poetry; bad code
         http://www.phenry.org/junkdrawer/haiku/
                                                     - bad attitude

                                >> MEMEPOOL <<
                              hasta la altavista

         thank god: http://squeep.com/~fek/think-of-the-domokun.jpg ...
         http://www.tamponhenge.co.uk/... let's play  hunt the BOEING:
 http://www.asile.org/citoyens/numero13/pentagone/erreurs_en.htm vs found it!
 http://www.multimap.com/map/photo.cgi?client=photomap&X=492000&Y=142000
          ... http://www.digitalconsumer.org/bill.html : a nice start, but
         maybe add these: http://maroney.org/CrowleyIntro/Texts/Book_77.html
         ... photo then shop your pals: http://flashface.flashmaster.ru/ ...
         clear infringement of Twisted Sister copyright, officer: nick 'em
         http://members.aol.com/matt999h/PoliceReform.htm ... vote tit!
         vote tat! vote for http://alfimp.port5.com/poll.shtml ...
         www.tourettes.com fails to counterract www.tourettes.co.uk and
         http://www.hare.yucom.be/Useless/Tourette/tourette.html ... latest
         news from http://www.go2africa.com/kenya/amboseli/lake-chala/ ...


                                >> GEEK MEDIA <<
                                 get out less

         TV>> it's a big week for classic sci-fi movies whose memories
         might otherwise be tainted by recent travesty remakes, with
         1970s "2001"-style arthouse beat-em-up ROLLERBALL (11.15pm,
         Fri, BBC1), 1960s technicolor treat THE TIME MACHINE (5.30pm,
         Sat, BBC2), and, er, MORTAL KOMBAT (12.30am, Fri, ITV)...
         innocent working-class teenagers are put through the most
         degrading, horrifying experience imaginable, but that's enough
         about Daisy Donovan's topical entertainment quiz DOES DOUG
         KNOW? (10.30pm, Fri, C4) - BBC2 have also recreated the WW1
         experience in pop-history reality show THE TRENCH (9pm, Fri,
         BBC2)... and hopefully Michael Parkinson's 2001 TV MOMENTS
         (9pm, Sat, BBC1) will include the "100 Greatest TV Treats Of
         The Year" shown by C4 over Christmas... the camera may have
         caught reader Jenny Colgan not wearing an NTK t-shirt during
         phone-based docu-soap MOBILE LIVES (11.55pm, Sat, BBC2)...
         CCTV "thriller" THE END OF VIOLENCE (12.55am, Sat, C4) is
         leisurely even by Wim Wenders standards... Freud's relatives
         imitate "They Live" in the history of subliminal consumerism
         THE CENTURY OF THE SELF (8pm, Sun, BBC2)... while C5 provides
         its own thought-provoking examination of the id in Sly
         Stallone/ Teri Hatcher action trash TANGO AND CASH (9pm, Sun,
         C5)... watch out for Simon Beaufoy's god-awful Syntegra ad in
         the breaks during THE FULL MONTY (9.30pm, Sun, C5)... Monday
         is "Blade Runner" alumni night, with bonkers Sean Young
         psychothriller A KISS BEFORE DYING (9pm, Mon, C5) and Joanna
         Cassidy home alone comedy DON'T TELL MOM THE BABYSITTER'S DEAD
         (10pm, Mon, C4) - intriguingly scheduled *before* the vastly
         superior Linda Fiorentino noir THE LAST SEDUCTION (12midnight,
         Mon, C4)... tough choice between the first hour of Michael Bay
         technocrane epic ARMAGEDDON (9pm, Tue, C5) and hints of Alan
         Partridge in WHEN LOUIS MET KEITH HARRIS AND ORVILLE (9pm,
         Tue, BBC2)... a single mum attends Burning Man in LOOKING FOR
         KICKS (11.30pm, Tue, C4)... there'a a teen tearaway double-
         bill on Wed, with Christian "American Psycho" Bale in WW2
         Spielberg flop EMPIRE OF THE SUN (8pm, Wed, C5) followed by
         John Leguizamo's freakish hispanic "Ferris Bueller" vehicle
         THE PEST (10.50pm, Wed, C5)... as E4 transplant MAKE MY DAY
         (10.30pm, Thu, C4) imitates TVGoHome's "Boom Goes Lovergirl":
         http://www.tvgohome.com/3006-2000.html ...

         FILM>> it's Bill Murray, Gwyneth Paltrow, Gene Hackman and the
         kid who plays "Harris" in "Freaks and Geeks" - together at
         last! - in the almost unbearably whimsical extended-"Rushmore"
         curio THE ROYAL TENENBAUMS (imdb: bathtub-scene/ black-comedy/
         deadbeat-dad/ dysfunctional-family/ incest/ off-beat/ sex/
         bb-gun/ bird/ child-prodigy/ dalmatian/ delinquent/ divorce/
         dog/ family-reunion/ high-blood-pressure/ hotel/ interracial-
         relationship/ mice/ narrated/ playwright/ rat/ smoking/
         tennis/ terminal-illness/ wealth/ wedding/ wooden-finger) -
         and not as many jokes as "Not Another Teen Movie" either...
         unfortunately, "from the makers of The House On Haunted Hill"
         doesn't bode too well for CGI William Castle remake THIRTEEN
         GHOSTS ( http://www.cndb.com/movie.html?title=Thirteen+Ghosts
         I saw Shannon Elizabeth's name in the credits and assumed she
         would be the one getting naked. Instead it was this ghost that
         was painted in blue makeup. Granted, the ghost had nice
         breasts, but it did not do anything for me)...


                               >> SMALL PRINT <<

       Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
         happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
       on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
     nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
                       Registered at the Post Office as
           "och, put your money away Wendy, this one's on the house"
                  http://www.theinquirer.net/08030211.htm

   NEED TO KNOW. THEY STOLE /  OUR REVOLUTION. NOW / WE'RE STEALING IT BACK.

                         Archive - http://www.ntk.net/
              Unsubscribe? Mail ntknow-unsubscribe@lists.ntk.net
                Subscribe? Mail ntknow-subscribe@lists.ntk.net
 NTK now is supported by UNFORTU.NET, and by you: http://www.geekstyle.co.uk/

                          (K) 2001 Special Projects.
             Copying is fine, but include URL: http://www.ntk.net/

                    Tips, news and gossip to tips@spesh.com
             All communication is for publication, unless you beg.
              Press releases from naive PR people to pr@spesh.com
     Remember: Your work email may be monitored if sending sensitive material.
       Sending >500KB attachments is forbidden by the Geneva Convention.
              Your country may be at risk if you fail to comply.