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         "The Terminator films are set a couple of decades too early,
         and we have no idea how to do time travel, but most of the
         rest of the film is technologically feasible."
         ... IAN PEARSON, "a futurologist", Sunday Times, 2002-05-19
     - although here at BT we cannot stack skulls quite as neatly yet


                                >> HARD NEWS <<
                                skirt the truths

         So CNN call us up and ask: "Could you demonstrate the magic
         marker trick for defeating copy protection on Celine Dion
         CDs?" And we say: "Sure, but you know it only circumvents
         *some* copy protection systems - Cactus Data Shield 100/200
         and KeyAudio, apparently?" CNN don't seem too worried about
         this, and turn up with an "Attack Of The Clones" soundtrack,
         with "Will not play on PC/Mac" on the front. And, true enough,
         it won't read at all in our HP8100 CD-Writer Plus. "Do the
         magic marker trick", they plead, as we search in vain for the
         distinctive multi-session-style outer track, all the while
         explaining the numerous different kinds of copy-protection in
         contemporary usage, and eventually concluding "Oh, let's just
         try it in the other CD drive". And lo and behold, it rips
         without a hiccup from the crappy old LiteOn LTN382 32X using
         Easy CD-DA Extractor 3. The CNN crew try to hide it, but you
         can see the disappointment on their faces. In some ways, we
         shrug, this is a less televisual, but more interesting, story
         - all you need to get round copy protection is a friend with
         moderately lame old hardware. Unless that's illegal under the
         DMCA nowadays as well.
         http://www.theregister.co.uk/content/54/25274.html
              - vs http://www.ntk.net/index.cgi?b=02002-03-22&l=162#l
         http://uk.eurorights.org/issues/cd/docs/celdion.shtml
                                              - love that new logo...

         All we ask for in the criss-crossed world of cyberrights is
         the occasional MASSIVE FIST-FIGHT. The closest this week was
         on the US BROADCAST PROTECTION DISCUSSION GROUP's conference
         call. This is where the MPAA and friends were finishing off
         the pseudo "consensus" they need to dictate little
         copyright-cop-chips in every part of the American digital
         network. Pesky meddling journalists were banned from the
         call: just as well, because haxx0rs weren't. Gatecrashing
         phreakers spent much of the call jaunting around the phone
         bridge reminding the Hollywooderati just how 0wned they
         were. Owned by feelingless multinational combines, of
         course. Hollywood, we imagine, will now mandate magic
         telephone chips that recognise when people who aren't in
         suits are making calls, and stop them until their motives
         are better known.
         http://bpdg.blogs.eff.org/
                - hint, phreakers: don't piss off your future counsel

         If only someone was to inject the same level of thrillpower
         into the EUROPEAN PARLIAMENT's current deliberations.
         Confident in the belief that nobody is still awake, the MEPs
         are capitulating like craven dogs over the permanent storage
         of ISP logs and such. Given a choice between a nice, juicy
         clause that says member countries won't retain data unless
         it's for national security, is a temporary measure, and 
         (best bit) "based on a specific law which is comprehensible
         to the general public" - or a pile of namby pamby Eurodrivel
         that says countries can monitor their citizens any time they
         damn well want ... well, guess which one both the left and
         right are going for? Statewatch has all the dreadful news.
         Vote is on May 29th. There's a petition. You can sign it.
         We understand pissing in the wind helps, too.
         http://www.statewatch.org/
                                                           - bad week
         http://www.stop1984.com/index2.php?text=letter.txt
         - we could have thought of less fatalistic domain names, but


                                >> ANTI-NEWS <<
                             berating the obvious

         this week's more-common-than-you'd-think GOOGLE typing error:
         http://www.google.com/search?q=accuntants ... don't most
         mobile networks try to play down this "undocumented feature"?:
         http://www.ntk.net/2002/05/24/doht.gif ...all clipart extensively
         tested on potential clients: http://www.hotbanana.ca/ ...
         return of classic BBC tech pics - "Girl murdered on internet":
http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/world/americas/newsid_2000000/2000959.stm
         - police are searching for a frustrated broadband customer:
     http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/sci/tech/newsid_2002000/2002160.stm
         ... trapped in HOLLYOAKS: http://www.hollyoaks-online.net/ -
         freed by the "Harlow [Too Much] Online Learning Initiatve":
     http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=%22Do+not+reveal+to+Non+HOLLi%22
         ... memo to self: avoid THE TIMES' pizza delivery service:
         http://www.timesonline.co.uk/printFriendly/0,,1-2-302787,00.html
         - "As the Italians say, revenue is a dish best delivered cold"
         ... AMAZON being slightly over-eager in its suggestions again:
         http://www.ntk.net/2002/05/24/dohvenus.gif ...


                               >> EVENT QUEUE <<
                         goto's considered non-harmful

         Hey, nearly a whole week free of plugs for EXTREME COMPUTING
         (from 11am, Sun 2002-06-09, The Camden Centre, etc etc - now
         featuring John "Meteor Storm" Hollis and Nigel "Chuckie Egg"
         Alderton). However, in our really quite exciting role as
         "media sponsor", we're also compelled to mention the annual
         UKUUG LINUX DEVELOPERS' CONFERENCE (from 2002-07-04, Bristol,
         from UKP40+VAT if you book before Fri 2002-05-31, student
         concessions available), coincidentally the same day as the
         closing date for this year's NET-MEDIA ONLINE JOURNALISM
         AWARDS, which we accepted so graciously last year. Meanwhile,
         continuing this summer season of digital arty get-togethers,
         there's PLUG AND PLAY (from 6pm, Sunday 2002-05-26, Public
         Life, London E1, free we assume), the art/music event where
         you PLUG in whatever electronic kit you've brought, then use
         it to PLAY some music or videos. Public Life is of course the
         converted public toilet just opposite Spitalfields Market -
         and the only limit which the organisers wish to place upon
         your boundless creativity appears to be "no fucking bongos".
         http://www.ukuug.org/events/linux2002/
        - ah but do they have Indymedia and circuit bending? Exactly.
         http://www.net-media.co.uk/awards/
                     - hoping to give someone else a chance this year
         http://www.gabba.net/pnp/lofiframe.htm
           - and quite a bit cheaper than http://www.vjs.net/ as well


                                >> TRACKING <<
               sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering

         Use Outlook Express? Yes? No? Whatever. You still badly need
         to know about OE-QUOTEFIX, the tiny utility by Dominik Jain
         that saves the world from Outlook's braindead quoting.
         Quotefix sits in the System Tray and silently waits for you
         to hit "reply" in Microsoft's mailer, then instantly
         reformats Outlook's illusion of what a reply mail looks like
         into something a bit saner. All the ">" quoted bits are
         reformatted to fit on a 72 line, and a proper "Darth
         Tyrannus wrote:"-style accreditation added on the top line.
         Then, just for giggles, it colourises it so you can see who
         said what. Quotefix is utterly invisible, does nothing nasty
         with DLLs, exists completely independent from OE itself (you
         can run Outlook with or without it), and is free. If you
         must use Outlook Express, you can at last take part in long
         threads without fscking up the structure of the replies. And
         if you don't have OE, send this to your friends who do, as a
         handy way of starting to talk to them again.
         http://home.in.tum.de/~jain/software/quotefix.php
                                    - It's not for them. It's for us.


                                >> MEMEPOOL <<
                ceci n'est pas une http://www.gagpipe.com/

         best gagpipe-alike so far: http://www.martian.fm/bazooka.htm
         ... RICH HERRING touches every base: http://www.talkingcock.co.uk
         vs http://www.doyourecall.com/ ... finding patterns in noise, find
         the text on the page: http://www.astro.ubc.ca/people/scott/cmb.html
         ... proving that not all American fundamentalists are gun nuts:
         http://www.knifeforums.com/ubbthreads/postlist.php?Cat=&Board=UBB64
         ... *one* open WiFi AP inside the Research Labs, and they're away:
         http://www.martleshamwireless.org.uk/ ... "I finally tracked it
         down to the sound bouncing around between my glasses and my eyes
         before being reflected into my ears" - when audiophiles go awry:
         http://rogerdarlington.members.beeb.net/Tweek.htm ... this week's
         secret base: the NSA monitoring station in MORWENSTOWE, CORNWALL
 www.multimap.com/map/photo.cgi?x=220507&y=112750&scale=25000&rt=overlay.htm
         gentle zine stories from when copiers and PDFs were relevant:
         http://free.freespeech.org/greeblefew/ ... yummy giftext!
         http://bokstavskex.framtid.nu/agi/default.asp ... CHRIS MORRIS,
         pre-Dark Side? http://moof.org.uk/images/attackoftheclones.jpg
         ... actually, more science and history might help you better:
         http://m.doubleclick.net/viewad/421314/adc_afta_louis_468x60.gif
         ... the military-industrial-fastfood-entertainment complex presents
         http://www.defenselink.mil/news/May2002/n05222002_200205222.html


                                >> GEEK MEDIA <<
                                  get out less

         TV>> as the reality TV ratings war intensifies, contestants
         will be permitted - nay, encouraged - to "flip out" and beat
         the shit out of each other in the new series of BIG BROTHER
         (9pm, Fri, C4)... the ubiquitous Dermot O'Leary doesn't even
         make the bands dress up, or choose interesting songs, in sub-
         "Stars In Their Eyes" cover version show RECOVERED (12.50am,
         Fri, BBC1)... or you can sing along with THE EUROVISION SONG
         CONTEST (8pm, Sat, BBC1) in either French or English, thanks
         to http://www.ifrance.com/faneuro-france/chansons2002.htm - in
         inconvenient Word doc and pdf formats... this week's bizarre
         movie selection includes Tarantino-script-doctored submarine
         workplace face-off CRIMSON TIDE (10.25pm, Sat, ITV), radically
         re-edited Katie Holmes "Stepford Teenagers" romp DISTURBING
         BEHAVIOR (9pm, Sun, C5), Claudia "Babylon 5" Christian low-
         budget sex farce HEXED (1am, Sun, ITV), Helen "Supergirl"
         Slater in Brit hacker effort THE STEAL (11.45pm, Sun, BBC1)
         plus disappointing pro-Glock "The Fugitive" knockoff US
         MARSHALS (9pm, Mon, C5)... but obviously you can turn down
         the annoying Quentin Willson commentary and just admire the
         ground-effect vehicles in ULTIMATE HOVERCRAFT (8pm, Sun, C5)
         ... Jean-Claude Van Damme, Roger Moore team up for hilariously
         poor would-be "Tekken: The Movie" THE QUEST (11.30pm, Mon,
         ITV), scheduled vs sensationally non-exploitative docu-feature
         PORNSTAR: THE LEGEND OF RON JEREMY (11.05pm, Mon, C4)... and
         brutal "sci-fi" prison drama OZ (11.05pm, Tue, C4) returns for
         a new series, hotly pursued by puerile Damon Wayans retarded-
         superhero spoof BLANKMAN (1.15am, Tue, C4)... DANGER! 50,000
         VOLTS (7pm, Wed, C5) appears to be an unofficial "Worst Case
         Scenarios" adaptation... Sherilyn "Twin Peaks" Fenn has
         another close encounter in straight-to-video sci-fi THE SHADOW
         MEN (8pm, Wed, C5)... Mark Thomas imitates multimap's aerial
         photo option in SECRET MAP OF BRITAIN (11.05pm, Wed, C4)...
         asteroid-disaster ensembler DEEP IMPACT (8pm, Thu, BBC1) isn't
         too bad, once you get past the preposterous "Ellie/Extinction
         Level Event" confusion at the beginning... as CUTTING EDGE:
         BOYS ALONE (9pm, Thu, C4) finds out what really happens if ten
         12-year-old boys live without adult supervision for a week,
         and whether they actually do fashion elaborate home-security
         systems, as predicted by the literary classic "Home Alone"...

         FILM>> as if any further recommendation was needed, Mia "24"
         Kirshner plays Sarah Michelle Geller's "Cruel Intentions"
         character in the rip-roaringly cynical NOT ANOTHER TEEN MOVIE
         ( http://www.cndb.com/movie.html?title=Not+Another+Teen+Movie :
         Cerina "Yellow Power Ranger" Vincent is topless throughout the
         entire movie. In fact, she never is shown wearing any clothes
         at all - except for a scarf in one of the deleted scenes; both
         sides of [Chris Evans'] buttocks, but no crack)... Val Kilmer
         *is* abstract expressionist Willem DeKooning in Ed "The Abyss"
         Harris' best-actress-Oscar-winning painting potboiler POLLOCK
         ( http://www.screenit.com/movies/2000/pollock.html : [Jennifer
         Connelly] shows cleavage - and does so in other scenes in
         various outfits. Later, we see her in bed with [Harris], but
         other than that suggesting sex, we don't see any activity or
         nudity)... otherwise there's Bruce Willis' unexpectedly grim
         movie version of the popular "Hogan's Heroes" sitcom, HART'S
         WAR (imdb: wwii/ prisoners-of-war/ based-on-novel/ airplane-
         accident/ court-martial/ cover-up/ dogfight/ escape/ falsely-
         accused/ frame-up/ honor/ murder/ POW-camp/ racism/ radio/
         secret-plan/ shoe/ torture/ train/ traitor/ tunnel)... Jim
         Carrey's latest serious yawnfest, McCarthy-era '50s drama THE
         MAJESTIC ( http://www.capalert.com/capreports/majestic_the.htm :
         Carrey opened his face a little in one of the kisses but it
         certainly was not the Patrick Swayze kiss with his face
         disappearing behind the hole of his mouth with his tongue
         dragging the ground then slapping the slimy configuration on
         his kissing partner; The House [of] Unamerican Activities
         Committee was doing what needed to be done during the cold
         war)... or Viz Comic-alike Brit-made fart-fest THUNDERPANTS
         ( http://www.bbfc.co.uk/ : Contains mild bad language and
         flatulence theme), which already seems to have been reviewed
         by a chatbot: http://uk.imdb.com/CommentsShow?283054-1 ...


                               >> SMALL PRINT <<

       Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
         happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
       on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
     nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
                       Registered at the Post Office as
                               "baked beans"?
    http://labs1.google.com/sets?hl=en&q1=ntk&q2=&q3=&q4=&q5=&btn=Large+Set

                                 NEED TO KNOW
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