_ _ _____ _ __ <*the* weekly high-tech sarcastic update for the uk>
| \ | |_ _| |/ / _ __ __2002-05-24_ o join! mail an empty message to
| \| | | | | ' / | '_ \ / _ \ \ /\ / / o firstname.lastname@example.org
| |\ | | | | . \ | | | | (_) \ v v / o website (+ archive) lives at:
|_| \_| |_| |_|\_\|_| |_|\___/ \_/\_/ o http://www.ntk.net/ "The Terminator films are set a couple of decades too early,
and we have no idea how to do time travel, but most of the
rest of the film is technologically feasible."
... IAN PEARSON, "a futurologist", Sunday Times, 2002-05-19
- although here at BT we cannot stack skulls quite as neatly yet
>> HARD NEWS <<
skirt the truths
So CNN call us up and ask: "Could you demonstrate the magic
marker trick for defeating copy protection on Celine Dion
CDs?" And we say: "Sure, but you know it only circumvents
*some* copy protection systems - Cactus Data Shield 100/200
and KeyAudio, apparently?" CNN don't seem too worried about
this, and turn up with an "Attack Of The Clones" soundtrack,
with "Will not play on PC/Mac" on the front. And, true enough,
it won't read at all in our HP8100 CD-Writer Plus. "Do the
magic marker trick", they plead, as we search in vain for the
distinctive multi-session-style outer track, all the while
explaining the numerous different kinds of copy-protection in
contemporary usage, and eventually concluding "Oh, let's just
try it in the other CD drive". And lo and behold, it rips
without a hiccup from the crappy old LiteOn LTN382 32X using
Easy CD-DA Extractor 3. The CNN crew try to hide it, but you
can see the disappointment on their faces. In some ways, we
shrug, this is a less televisual, but more interesting, story
- all you need to get round copy protection is a friend with
moderately lame old hardware. Unless that's illegal under the
DMCA nowadays as well.
- vs http://www.ntk.net/index.cgi?b=02002-03-22&l=162#lhttp://uk.eurorights.org/issues/cd/docs/celdion.shtml
- love that new logo...
All we ask for in the criss-crossed world of cyberrights is
the occasional MASSIVE FIST-FIGHT. The closest this week was
on the US BROADCAST PROTECTION DISCUSSION GROUP's conference
call. This is where the MPAA and friends were finishing off
the pseudo "consensus" they need to dictate little
copyright-cop-chips in every part of the American digital
network. Pesky meddling journalists were banned from the
call: just as well, because haxx0rs weren't. Gatecrashing
phreakers spent much of the call jaunting around the phone
bridge reminding the Hollywooderati just how 0wned they
were. Owned by feelingless multinational combines, of
course. Hollywood, we imagine, will now mandate magic
telephone chips that recognise when people who aren't in
suits are making calls, and stop them until their motives
are better known.
- hint, phreakers: don't piss off your future counsel
If only someone was to inject the same level of thrillpower
into the EUROPEAN PARLIAMENT's current deliberations.
Confident in the belief that nobody is still awake, the MEPs
are capitulating like craven dogs over the permanent storage
of ISP logs and such. Given a choice between a nice, juicy
clause that says member countries won't retain data unless
it's for national security, is a temporary measure, and
(best bit) "based on a specific law which is comprehensible
to the general public" - or a pile of namby pamby Eurodrivel
that says countries can monitor their citizens any time they
damn well want ... well, guess which one both the left and
right are going for? Statewatch has all the dreadful news.
Vote is on May 29th. There's a petition. You can sign it.
We understand pissing in the wind helps, too.
- bad week
- we could have thought of less fatalistic domain names, but
>> ANTI-NEWS <<
berating the obvious
this week's more-common-than-you'd-think GOOGLE typing error:
http://www.google.com/search?q=accuntants ... don't most
mobile networks try to play down this "undocumented feature"?:
http://www.ntk.net/2002/05/24/doht.gif ...all clipart extensively
tested on potential clients: http://www.hotbanana.ca/ ...
return of classic BBC tech pics - "Girl murdered on internet":
- police are searching for a frustrated broadband customer:
... trapped in HOLLYOAKS: http://www.hollyoaks-online.net/ -
freed by the "Harlow [Too Much] Online Learning Initiatve":
... memo to self: avoid THE TIMES' pizza delivery service:
- "As the Italians say, revenue is a dish best delivered cold"
... AMAZON being slightly over-eager in its suggestions again:
>> EVENT QUEUE <<
goto's considered non-harmful
Hey, nearly a whole week free of plugs for EXTREME COMPUTING
(from 11am, Sun 2002-06-09, The Camden Centre, etc etc - now
featuring John "Meteor Storm" Hollis and Nigel "Chuckie Egg"
Alderton). However, in our really quite exciting role as
"media sponsor", we're also compelled to mention the annual
UKUUG LINUX DEVELOPERS' CONFERENCE (from 2002-07-04, Bristol,
from UKP40+VAT if you book before Fri 2002-05-31, student
concessions available), coincidentally the same day as the
closing date for this year's NET-MEDIA ONLINE JOURNALISM
AWARDS, which we accepted so graciously last year. Meanwhile,
continuing this summer season of digital arty get-togethers,
there's PLUG AND PLAY (from 6pm, Sunday 2002-05-26, Public
Life, London E1, free we assume), the art/music event where
you PLUG in whatever electronic kit you've brought, then use
it to PLAY some music or videos. Public Life is of course the
converted public toilet just opposite Spitalfields Market -
and the only limit which the organisers wish to place upon
your boundless creativity appears to be "no fucking bongos".
- ah but do they have Indymedia and circuit bending? Exactly.
- hoping to give someone else a chance this year
- and quite a bit cheaper than http://www.vjs.net/ as well
>> TRACKING <<
sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering
Use Outlook Express? Yes? No? Whatever. You still badly need
to know about OE-QUOTEFIX, the tiny utility by Dominik Jain
that saves the world from Outlook's braindead quoting.
Quotefix sits in the System Tray and silently waits for you
to hit "reply" in Microsoft's mailer, then instantly
reformats Outlook's illusion of what a reply mail looks like
into something a bit saner. All the ">" quoted bits are
reformatted to fit on a 72 line, and a proper "Darth
Tyrannus wrote:"-style accreditation added on the top line.
Then, just for giggles, it colourises it so you can see who
said what. Quotefix is utterly invisible, does nothing nasty
with DLLs, exists completely independent from OE itself (you
can run Outlook with or without it), and is free. If you
must use Outlook Express, you can at last take part in long
threads without fscking up the structure of the replies. And
if you don't have OE, send this to your friends who do, as a
handy way of starting to talk to them again.
- It's not for them. It's for us.
>> MEMEPOOL <<
ceci n'est pas une http://www.gagpipe.com/ best gagpipe-alike so far: http://www.martian.fm/bazooka.htm
... RICH HERRING touches every base: http://www.talkingcock.co.uk
vs http://www.doyourecall.com/ ... finding patterns in noise, find
the text on the page: http://www.astro.ubc.ca/people/scott/cmb.html
... proving that not all American fundamentalists are gun nuts:
... *one* open WiFi AP inside the Research Labs, and they're away:
http://www.martleshamwireless.org.uk/ ... "I finally tracked it
down to the sound bouncing around between my glasses and my eyes
before being reflected into my ears" - when audiophiles go awry:
http://rogerdarlington.members.beeb.net/Tweek.htm ... this week's
secret base: the NSA monitoring station in MORWENSTOWE, CORNWALL
gentle zine stories from when copiers and PDFs were relevant:
http://free.freespeech.org/greeblefew/ ... yummy giftext!
http://bokstavskex.framtid.nu/agi/default.asp ... CHRIS MORRIS,
pre-Dark Side? http://moof.org.uk/images/attackoftheclones.jpg
... actually, more science and history might help you better:
... the military-industrial-fastfood-entertainment complex presents
http://www.defenselink.mil/news/May2002/n05222002_200205222.html >> GEEK MEDIA <<
get out less
TV>> as the reality TV ratings war intensifies, contestants
will be permitted - nay, encouraged - to "flip out" and beat
the shit out of each other in the new series of BIG BROTHER
(9pm, Fri, C4)... the ubiquitous Dermot O'Leary doesn't even
make the bands dress up, or choose interesting songs, in sub-
"Stars In Their Eyes" cover version show RECOVERED (12.50am,
Fri, BBC1)... or you can sing along with THE EUROVISION SONG
CONTEST (8pm, Sat, BBC1) in either French or English, thanks
to http://www.ifrance.com/faneuro-france/chansons2002.htm - in
inconvenient Word doc and pdf formats... this week's bizarre
movie selection includes Tarantino-script-doctored submarine
workplace face-off CRIMSON TIDE (10.25pm, Sat, ITV), radically
re-edited Katie Holmes "Stepford Teenagers" romp DISTURBING
BEHAVIOR (9pm, Sun, C5), Claudia "Babylon 5" Christian low-
budget sex farce HEXED (1am, Sun, ITV), Helen "Supergirl"
Slater in Brit hacker effort THE STEAL (11.45pm, Sun, BBC1)
plus disappointing pro-Glock "The Fugitive" knockoff US
MARSHALS (9pm, Mon, C5)... but obviously you can turn down
the annoying Quentin Willson commentary and just admire the
ground-effect vehicles in ULTIMATE HOVERCRAFT (8pm, Sun, C5)
... Jean-Claude Van Damme, Roger Moore team up for hilariously
poor would-be "Tekken: The Movie" THE QUEST (11.30pm, Mon,
ITV), scheduled vs sensationally non-exploitative docu-feature
PORNSTAR: THE LEGEND OF RON JEREMY (11.05pm, Mon, C4)... and
brutal "sci-fi" prison drama OZ (11.05pm, Tue, C4) returns for
a new series, hotly pursued by puerile Damon Wayans retarded-
superhero spoof BLANKMAN (1.15am, Tue, C4)... DANGER! 50,000
VOLTS (7pm, Wed, C5) appears to be an unofficial "Worst Case
Scenarios" adaptation... Sherilyn "Twin Peaks" Fenn has
another close encounter in straight-to-video sci-fi THE SHADOW
MEN (8pm, Wed, C5)... Mark Thomas imitates multimap's aerial
photo option in SECRET MAP OF BRITAIN (11.05pm, Wed, C4)...
asteroid-disaster ensembler DEEP IMPACT (8pm, Thu, BBC1) isn't
too bad, once you get past the preposterous "Ellie/Extinction
Level Event" confusion at the beginning... as CUTTING EDGE:
BOYS ALONE (9pm, Thu, C4) finds out what really happens if ten
12-year-old boys live without adult supervision for a week,
and whether they actually do fashion elaborate home-security
systems, as predicted by the literary classic "Home Alone"...
FILM>> as if any further recommendation was needed, Mia "24"
Kirshner plays Sarah Michelle Geller's "Cruel Intentions"
character in the rip-roaringly cynical NOT ANOTHER TEEN MOVIE
( http://www.cndb.com/movie.html?title=Not+Another+Teen+Movie :
Cerina "Yellow Power Ranger" Vincent is topless throughout the
entire movie. In fact, she never is shown wearing any clothes
at all - except for a scarf in one of the deleted scenes; both
sides of [Chris Evans'] buttocks, but no crack)... Val Kilmer
*is* abstract expressionist Willem DeKooning in Ed "The Abyss"
Harris' best-actress-Oscar-winning painting potboiler POLLOCK
( http://www.screenit.com/movies/2000/pollock.html : [Jennifer
Connelly] shows cleavage - and does so in other scenes in
various outfits. Later, we see her in bed with [Harris], but
other than that suggesting sex, we don't see any activity or
nudity)... otherwise there's Bruce Willis' unexpectedly grim
movie version of the popular "Hogan's Heroes" sitcom, HART'S
WAR (imdb: wwii/ prisoners-of-war/ based-on-novel/ airplane-
accident/ court-martial/ cover-up/ dogfight/ escape/ falsely-
accused/ frame-up/ honor/ murder/ POW-camp/ racism/ radio/
secret-plan/ shoe/ torture/ train/ traitor/ tunnel)... Jim
Carrey's latest serious yawnfest, McCarthy-era '50s drama THE
MAJESTIC ( http://www.capalert.com/capreports/majestic_the.htm :
Carrey opened his face a little in one of the kisses but it
certainly was not the Patrick Swayze kiss with his face
disappearing behind the hole of his mouth with his tongue
dragging the ground then slapping the slimy configuration on
his kissing partner; The House [of] Unamerican Activities
Committee was doing what needed to be done during the cold
war)... or Viz Comic-alike Brit-made fart-fest THUNDERPANTS
( http://www.bbfc.co.uk/ : Contains mild bad language and
flatulence theme), which already seems to have been reviewed
by a chatbot: http://uk.imdb.com/CommentsShow?283054-1 ...
>> SMALL PRINT <<
Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
Registered at the Post Office as
NEED TO KNOW
THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK.
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(K) 2002 Special Projects.
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