_ _ _____ _ __ <*the* weekly high-tech sarcastic update for the uk>
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|_| \_| |_| |_|\_\|_| |_|\___/ \_/\_/ o http://www.ntk.net/ "[Children] sleep with Pooh on their sheets, they wipe their
faces with Pooh as they get out of the shower..."
- anti-Disney litigants resort to "dirty protest"
http://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/0,,5-2002047037,00.html >> HARD NEWS <<
The BLOGGIES are announced, and all of the constantly
updating, filter and linking, daily diarists of the Web are
there to cheer the winners on. Excepting the
www.livejournal.com folk, and those everything/nothing kids,
and the advogato/kuroshin journalers, of course. Nope, this
one's for people who do *proper* weblogs. But if so - where
was JORN BARGER, weblog ur-father, the man who coined the
very term? In one of those perfect coincidences, Jorn's
website, www.robotwisdom.com, running since 1997,
disappeared from the Web just about the time the Bloggies
were being revealed. Of course, Barger's been "disappeared"
off the blog community's giftlist for a while. When his
Israel divestment campaign veered into what some called out
as anti-semitism, shocked bloggers removed their links to
him, like shoppers determinedly looking away from a mother
slapping her child. So it's unlikely he'll snatch that
lifetime achievement award any time soon. Jorn's cranky, of
course: a Kibo-loving hippy and underemployed Joyce fanatic
who sits in his bed and scribbles about AI. Weblogging, like
everything else he pursues, is an obsession. WIL WHEATON, by
contrast, is the well-rounded cute geek boy of legend: the
quoteable, filmable, film-quoting ex-RenFaire ex-Trekee
yukster who tips a beanie to the Fark guys, knows the
slashdot mod jokes, and gives respect where it's due. No
surprise he won most of the awards. And isn't that what the
- and who'd do better with $20.02?
- "I bet his financial problems are a result of the
Zionist control of the world financial markets"
- "/me does the happy dance"
- "I live on bread and water, so as not to submit to the Idiots."
- just the domain name renewal cheque clearing
After much deliberation, and some locking of people in our
toilet, we decided to split the New Year "Design Our
Stylesheet" prize. One half, as originally proposed, we set
upon awarding to entrants who parodied other, pretty-boy,
sites (while spurning the cheap shortcut of just linking to
their own stylesheets and yes we do mean you, GORDON JOLY).
The other half-award, we newly declared, was to be awarded
to whoever of the remaining entrants most skillfully evaded
the whole point of the competition. This was a practical
decision. "Why not make it look a bit more like Ceefax?",
wrote VANILLA BEACH, helpfully. "Everyone watched Ceefax."
Stylish? Yes. A "sheet", Vanilla? No. In a similiar vein,
RICHARD IRONS declaimed, together with many fully compliant
whingers, "How about publishing NTK in XML format?". You
need to wait until our 2003 competition, Richard, where
readers will be asked to guess the CORBA interface to our
.NET SOAP-over-NNTP API. You nut. Others complained about
dabbling with CSS at all. Pigdog Journal's MR. BAD swung an
uncharacteristically helpful bat here: "NTK readers can
always use PigDog DeCSS to remove style-sheet shmoo -
http://pigdog.org/decss/ ". But to do so would only increase
your liability to subpoena by legal spider-bots, and
naturally, cause you to miss our sedulous runners up. Start
with LES MCKENNA's defiant, "Yer back to basics VT100" stylee:
Move onto TOM GILDER's fantastic triple-bill homagerie,
which came near to sweeping the boards (sucky in Opera) -
And finally, stumble upon PAUL HAMMOND's contribution, which
combined both borderline parody *and* wilfull disruption:
Mr Hammond and Mr Gilder receive halves of the T shirt
prize for their effrontery; all other entries are to have
their punishments mercifully withheld. We hope you're all
very pleased with yourselves.
- *evil* twin, we like to think...
- yeah, we'll stick with this for the proportional lovers
The Realnames-style JINI private namespace - which we were so
skeptical about back in December - seemed to have it all: an
annoying IE plug-in which redirects words (and non-"www" URLs)
typed in the address bar to the pages of those who've reserved
those particular words for as little as UKP50 per month. Of
course, the ultimate online endorsement can only come from a
former household name/international music star, and Jini's
arrived this week in the form of the Surrey-based net
consultant who claims to work "for a woman called Joan
Armatrading". Joan apparently "owns several keywords on
various search engines", but would very much like to sublet
some "to give smaller companies an opportunity to promote
their businesses on the web cost-effectively". Her Jini
keywords include "movies" and "pictures", both of which
currently link to the official site of *the* Joan Armatrading.
Without getting into "After They Were Famous" territory, is
this really what the 1970s' answer to Tracey Chapman is up to
nowadays? Is it just bizarre retaliation for net entrepreneurs
like Cliff Stanford foraying into pop music with "Girls@Play"?
And will stunts like this keep Jini themselves out of the
"Where are they now?" file - along with the fact that, so far,
we've found it impossible to uninstall the bastard thing?
- www.sun.com/jini/ has better search engine placement, natch
- so *that's* whose buying those ebay EverQuest items...
>> ANTI-NEWS <<
berating the obvious
RUGBY not as popular in Ireland as you'd been led to believe:
http://www.ntk.net/2002/02/01/dohirish.gif ... Euro "rounding
down" in action: http://www.ntk.net/2002/02/01/dohblin.png -
or is it essential to compete in today's intensely globalised
job market?: http://www.ntk.net/2002/02/01/dohanglia.jpg ,
... BBC shows "artist impression" and photo on the same page:
... idea for Fast Show character - Overexcitable Estate Agent:
... if we gave you a map, they wouldn't be secret, would they?:
...CENTRE POINT architect to live for 18,000 years (bottom of):
<TITLE> tag "CELEBRITIES" showing the fun to be had in Devon -
include Sheffield's "Sarah Booth", Nottinghamshire's "Mr
Battersby", and "Mr Durling", of Wiltshire... the future
already happened: http://www.ntk.net/2002/02/01/dohtrain.gif
... well, there goes at least one idea for the business plan:
>> EVENT QUEUE <<
goto's considered non-harmful
Perhaps anticipating all those companies who won't be sending
quite so many people to MILIA this year (from Mon 2002-02-04,
Palais Des Festivals, Cannes, 350 Euros upwards), harrowing
experimental electronica night DORKBOT LONDON has relocated to
the slightly more central State 51 venue (7pm, Wed, 2002-02-
06, free). NTK's "Dave Green" has been asked *not* to bring
his guitar on this occasion, creating a breathing space for
new acts like SIMON WISTOW to "kick, punch, it's all in the
mind" on the subject of games and generative music, based
around demos of titles like Rez, Vib Ribbon and Parappa The
Rapper. Other attractions include electronic sculptor ROLF
GEHLHAAR, "over-active" artist-musician TOM NULLPOINTER and,
testing your recall of zany SOUND and VDU 19 commands to the
max, a load of BBC Micros set up "just to see what people do".
- venue still the most accessible thing about it
- "never too late to register", the pop-up pleads
- also this month: Stallman hits Europe. Songsheets ahoy!
>> TRACKING <<
sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering
Compared to Mozilla, Konqueror, Opera, Galeon, Skipstone and
the rest of the Unix browsers, DILLO is a scrappy little
thing. Its HTML rendering isn't great; it don't do frames or
apply source patches just to get SSL and cookies to work.
But dillo has one feature: it's fast. Not "ooh let's get out
our stopwatches and put it in a race with IE" fast: this is
"what righteous voodoo hex has this mother *placed* upon my
TCP/IP stack?". Dillo's written in C, with some threaded
networking code you shan't want to look at: but the
remainder is 200KB of eminently hackable GTK code. You won't
want to use it as your everyday browser (yet). But you'll
enjoy your current choice a *lot* less after you've seen this.
- somebody suck this code back into the Gnome/KDE filebrowsers
>> MEMEPOOL <<
ceci n'est pas une http://www.gagpipe.com/www.tracysboyfriendsreunited.co.uk ... MR T vs World Economic Forum:
... and another reason not to book your operation for late
December: http://bmj.com/cgi/content/full/309/6970/1686 ...
hope it's a misguided viral campaign for an upcoming scifi film
most rubbish LoTR analogies so far: volume discounts for THE
ONE RING? http://www.badalijewelry.com/tolkien.htm ... one
API to bind them all: http://java.sun.com/ ... but still filk
wins the prize: http://www.kddresearch.org/Tolkien/Humor/RedSOW/
... the new extreme ironing: www.cheeseracing.org ... exceeded
their parameters: http://world.std.com/~jlr/doom/doom_eng.htm
... hahaha RUSSIANS are funny: http://funreports.com/ vs alright,
alright we get the message: http://shamedagain.blogspot.com ...
www.flybmi.com vs www.fly-bmi.com ... ah, the smell of it :
http://www.duke.edu/~bis/gravity/ ... but where's the wife auction?
http://www.hyperdoc.net/ ... "WinZip comes with Windows XP"
says http://www.microsoft.com/windowsxp/pro/downloads/bliss.asp :
that'll be news to Nico Mak of Winzip Corp... P&P = about UKP229?
http://www.kodak.co.uk/UK/en/digital/dx3700offerStatement.shtml >> GEEK MEDIA <<
get out less
TV>> in a refreshing change from all those WW2 documentaries,
TIMEWATCH examines a brutal US massacre of civilians in KILL
'EM ALL: AMERICAN WAR CRIMES IN KOREA (9pm, Fri, BBC2)... NTK
contributor Alan Connor seemed as surprised as we were to find
his book club spoof "The Pooters" in tonight's COMEDY LAB
(11.55pm, Fri, C4)... you can enjoy SCANNER COP (1am, Fri, C4)
without having seen previous straight-to-video sequels
"Scanners II: The New Order" and "Scanners III: The Takeover"
... and, all together now, "I am wanking as I write this" -
Anthony Hopkins in THE REMAINS OF THE DAY (1.55pm, Sat, ITV):
Saturday is quirky cameo-packed indie curio night on BBC2,
with lame Catherine McCormack romcom THIS YEAR'S LOVE (9pm),
sleepy Southern Altman yawn COOKIE'S FORTUNE (10.45pm), and
overrated Linklater student-spanking frenzy DAZED AND CONFUSED
(12.35am)... though C5's line-up is looking "murderously" good
with new runs of US imports CSI (9pm, Sat, C5) plus LAW AND
ORDER (10pm, Sat, C5)... NTK's "Dave Green" predicts mild t-
shirt product placement during the games reviews in low-budget
double-bill gadget show DON'T READ THE MANUAL (12noon, Sun, UK
Horizons)... James Bond knock-off JACKIE CHAN'S FIRST STRIKE
(9pm, Sun, C5) is "a disappointing end to the Police Story
series", but surely an improvement on Robin Williams CGI
afterlife odyssey WHAT DREAMS MAY COME (10pm, Sun, C4), or
indeed Kevin Costner's class tourism epic DANCES WITH WOLVES
(10pm, Mon, C4)... while C5 sticks to what it knows best with
Rutger Hauer terrorist Olympiad BLAST (9pm, Mon, C5)... hot on
the heels of last October's "Gas Attack", SMALLPOX 2002 (9pm,
Tue, BBC2) provides another handy how-to guide to creating a
bioweapon epidemic... Mel Gibson remakes "Point Blank" in
PAYBACK (9pm, Tue, C5)... ROBOCOP 3 is on again (10.30pm, Tue,
ITV)... M*A*S*H: THE MOVIE (11.35pm, Tue, BBC1) isn't as good
as the TV series... and new late-night comedy series THE
ESTATE AGENTS (11.05pm, Thu, C4) is - thank god - yet another
sitcom set in the workplace...
FILM>> probably the less you know about it, the more you'll
get out of refreshingly surprising Denzel Washington/ Ethan
Hawke pseudo-Shakespearean bent-cop ghetto-fable TRAINING DAY
( http://www.cndb.com/movie.html?title=Training+Day : you do
actually get a great shot of [Eva Mendes'] breasts and can
even pretty clearly see her lower area)... other than that,
the Farrelly brothers continue to plough their increasingly
well-worn bad-taste feel-good furrow with Gwyneth Paltrow,
Jack Black, Jason "George from Seinfeld" Alexander and Laura
"TV Pizza" Kightlinger in fatty schmaltz-fest SHALLOW HAL
( http://www.capalert.com/capreports/shallowhal.htm :
equations in the CAP analysis model used to calculate the
Sex/Homosexuality score had to be modified to accommodate
overflow; toilet humor, multiple; such a theme [that inner
beauty is more valuable than physical appearance] could be a
positive influence if it were not saturated in morally
extortionistic sexual and impudence/arrogance influences)...
Sly Stallone and Dina Meyer blunder into mysteriously
unreleased-in-the-US sub-"The Thing" containment drama hunt-
em-up D-TOX (imdb: original title "Eye See You")... or it's
Robert Altman, Jeremy "The Net" Northam, and Stephen Fry -
together at last! - in period murder mystery GOSFORD PARK
( http://www.screenit.com/movies/2001/gosford_park.html : we
see [Kelly "Trainspotting" Macdonald's] bare back as she
bathes; [Emily Watson] shows some cleavage as she bends over
in a slip; [Ryan Phillippe] asks [Kristin Scott Thomas] if she
needs company and we then see him trying to undo her dress.
It's implied that they fool around)...
>> SMALL PRINT <<
Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
Registered at the Post Office as
"NTK mocks everyone, what makes you so special?"
NEED TO KNOW
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