Need To Know 2002-01-11

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"Search engines are the right tools with which to find the needed information. According to 101Register.com, there are over 600,000 search engines currently available on the Web; the major ones are Yahoo, AOL, Lycos, Hotbot, Excite, Altavista, MSN, Ask Jeeves, Netscape Search and Northern Light..." http://globalarchive.ft.com/globalarchive/article.html?id=020107000559 ...plus, a bit more research reveals, a little-known newcomer by the name of "Google"... >> HARD NEWS << going to shoot through Just a week in, and 2002 is already shaping up to be the super-retro Year Of Any Other Previous Year. In the only major news stories this week, Steve Jobs shamelessly mined his back catalogue for design ideas (NeXTCube, Pixar lamp - the new iBooks, we prophesy, will be shaped like a Buzz Lightyear Jet Pack). Bill Gates regressed into a Harry Potter childhood for CES, and espoused the future pad computer he's been banging on since the Pen Windows days. And the wider Net's gaze persists in being drawn into the nostalgic netherworld of the Google Archive. Most disturbing retro-post so far uncovered is a 1991 "Marc Andreessen" confessional, where he offers "Dickman and Throbbin" as his "all-time favourite porno". "This has to be one of the funniest movies I have ever seen, porno or not...", writes the young Univ of Illinois student. Of course, we should point out it may well be an entirely different Marc Andreessen. Or even more tantalisingly: could it be a fake post placed in the Google archive by mischevious USENET "benefactors"? Well, no. But that *does* sound a good idea for a competition. First one to proveably drop a ringer into the DejaGoogle database gets a tenner from us. Extra quids for the inclusion of eerie futuristic premonitions, celebrity value, and mentions of other Marc Andreessen porn preferences. But please: do try to ensure that your changing of the past does not influence the present. http://dailynews.yahoo.com/h/p/nm/20020108/ts/imdf08012002012255a.html - Bill Gates... http://www.theonion.com/onion3744/harry_potter_craze.html - imitates Onion http://groups.google.com/groups?selm=1991Jan11.073833.14136%40ux1.cso.uiuc.edu - starring master of comedy, John Holmes http://groups.google.com/groups?selm=5094%40ucbvax.ARPA - earliest NTK reader post: 1985's Gordon Joly becomes self-aware on net.ai What a piece of work is Peter Noble PR, who yesterday mailed out a press release pegged around the recent deaths of rock musicians Jon Lee (the drummer in Feeder), Zac Foley (the bass player in EMF), and Stuart Adamson (the singer from Big Country). Under the heading "It's Official: Rock'n'roll is a Dangerous Game", the release goes on to surmise that "the recent rock suicides serve as an ironic twist leading up to the much hyped computer game release entitled Rock Manager [...] released on PC CD-Rom on 28th March in the UK". "Has no one learned anything from the Jo Moore fiasco?" wondered one gobsmacked recipient, and we'd be inclined to agree - it's inconceivable that PR companies might set out to deliberately court controversy in this way, under the impression that "any publicity is good publicity", or something. http://www.ntk.net/2002/01/11/dohnoble.txt - "for screen shots, additional information, obituaries" http://www.femail.co.uk/pages/standard/article.html?in_article_id=36136 - taking that "any publicity..." thing too far? >> ANTI-NEWS << berating the obvious "low level violence" - not been using RED HAT for long?: http://www.adminbase.net/~inorog/dead-rat-800x600.jpg ... hell, freezing over: http://www.ntk.net/2002/01/11/dohsnow.gif ... "If you are using Netscape please upgrade to IE5", barks http://www.oswaldmosley.com/ ... scoring low on "dish care": http://www.whitebox.co.uk/detailsx.asp?pfid=DW_DG6145WG ... COCA-COLA puts "name on electronic goods for the first time": http://media.guardian.co.uk/newmedia/story/0,7496,630088,00.html vs http://members.aol.com/wrob282988/GroovyNet/Thing.html ... "lack of SSL" security loophole plugged by deleting script: http://www.gofers.co.uk/new_account/body_new_account.html ... ever-professional DR KEYBOARD publishes NHS-style performance table: http://www.drkeyboard.com/stats/stats.Dec-2001.html ... it's Shockingly-Underpaid-Vital-Role-In-Society Of The Week: http://www.reed.co.uk/cgi-bin/JobDetails.asp?JobID=1119033 ... honesty attack at http://www.geneanet.org/members/ - where "Few features are coming soon!" ... it's a new paradigm alright: http://www.ntk.net/2002/01/11/dohvisuo.png ... >> EVENT QUEUE << goto's considered non-harmful Only a couple of days or so left to get your nominations into the "BLOGGIES" SECOND ANNUAL WEBLOG AWARDS - and perhaps prevent Metafilter, PlasticBag.Org and - imaginatively enough - Blogger.com from scooping all those $20 PayPal prizes again. (Slightly) closer to home, the titanic battle for the soul of arty-farty online liberalism is shaping up at next week's CYBERSALON: AN INTIMATE ENCOUNTER WITH DOUGLAS RUSHKOFF (7pm, Fri, 2002-01-18, Global Cafe, London W1, free). In the blue corner: West Coast writer, technorealist ringleader (and one- time "software developer") Rushkoff will be giving a "short talk"; while Cybersalon's own RICHARD BARBROOK will be hosting the discussion afterwards, and thus hopefully representing the beret-wearing Euro-cynicism of the Nettime mailing list, memorably described by Doug in the Guardian as "hyper- intellectual neo-communists" after they dared to "snicker" at last year's bombing of the World Trade Center. http://www.fairvue.com/?feature=awards2002 - vs "drivel, banal shit" http://psychcentral.com/blogs/ http://www.guardian.co.uk/Archive/Article/0,4273,4260490,00.html - vs http://www.cybersalon.org/ http://www.filmhouse.demon.co.uk/GHIBLI.html - plus: Manga movie festival hits Edinburgh on Thu http://www.marssociety.org.uk/sections.php?op=viewarticle&artid=61 - then, next weekend: get your ass to Mars >> TRACKING << sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering Seven years ago, Gopher had it all - bigger audience than those struggling HTTP Eurotrash types, MTV VJ's wearing "Gopher World Tour" t-shirts, groupies in airport lounges screaming tab-delimited text in case jetsetting Gopher developers heard, and "request more files". Now, its creators live in rubbish bins and drink each other's wee. The One True Reason for this fall to grace, tradition teaches us, is that back in '93 Gopherenes demanded a $10,000 a year licence for commercial gopher service users. The source was unfree, development languished, and Marc Andreessen turned up with this brand new guitar sound. A year ago, the University Of Minnesotta finally relented and GPL'd the mother, and voila - GOPHER 3.0. True be told, GOPHER 3.0 is largely a bunch of security updates, better MIME-handling and the usual nips and tucks to port the code to a wider set of (Unixy) platforms. But everyone knows that 3.0 is when programs *really* take off. http://quux.org/hurg/hurg?selector=/Software/Gopher&host=quux.org - now set up that gopher porn site and watch the hits explode http://www.scn.org/~bkarger/gopher-manifesto - gopher for Mozilla? tick! http://groups.google.com/groups?threadm=1993Mar11.015639.16976%40spdcc.com - "If X Mosaic gets ported to Windows, gopher is a gonner." >> MEMEPOOL << ceci n'est pas une http://www.gagpipe.com/ SLATE UK editors request anonymity, fear "naming and shaming" campaign: http://slate.msn.com/?id=2060511&entry=2060514 ... colour of universe suspiciously close to ZX Spectrum "Cyan": http://www.newscientist.com/news/news.jsp?id=ns99991775 ... but where's "how many frames of animation make up my walk?": http://blog.ravenblack.net/quiz/videogame.pl ... shame he wasn't elected over here (for the tabloid headlines alone): http://www.minge.org/ ... nautical, not really that nice: http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/Bluffs/5740/pictures/picture.html ... avoid discussing: a person's occupation, birthplace, religion, your "family tree", sex, the mediocrity of British food: http://qwer.org/foreigners020111.html ... NZ imitates DR WHO: http://www.nzherald.co.nz/storydisplay.cfm?storyID=585240 ... Japanese imitate "I do eyes! Genetic designs, just eyes!": http://dailynews.yahoo.com/htx/nm/20020105/sc/japan_eyeball_dc_1.html ... when oh when will the public tire of FRIENDS REUNITED Spoof Of The Week?: http://www.convictsreunited.com/ ... is it because I is God?: http://www.emailgod.net/view.asp?id=205 ... >> GEEK MEDIA << get out less TV>> hey, maybe SMACK THE PONY (9.30pm, Fri, C4) *will* one day persuade other comedy sketch shows to go back to funny song parodies... Julie Delpy bungee-jumps without a rope in heat-vision CGI monster romp AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN PARIS (10.35pm, Fri, BBC1)... Mel B - who is the "scary" one, right, not the tracksuit-wearing PE teacher - explores the religious traditions of West Africa by living as a VOODOO PRINCESS (8pm, Sat, C4)... and there's a handy double-header of films that are the subject of monologues in other movies, namely: DOG DAY AFTERNOON (11pm, Sat, C5) - dissed by Travolta in "Swordfish" - and TOP GUN (11.05pm, Sat, BBC1), as immortalised by Quentin Tarantino: http://uk.imdb.com/Quotes?Sleep+with+Me+(1994) ... oncogeny recapitulates phylogeny on Sun, as cloning docu HOW TO BUILD A HUMAN (9pm, Sun, BBC2) follows caveman fantasy STIG OF THE DUMP (5.55pm, Sun, BBC1)... Mia Sorvino remakes "Alien" with giant insects on the New York underground in MIMIC (10pm, Sun, C4)... Ben Affleck presages "Pitch Black" in smalltown Dean R Koontz adaptation PHANTOMS (10pm, Mon, C4)... and contestants think they're living in an isolated tropical paradise, but it's actually one of those domes in Cornwall, in new reality vote-off EDEN (6pm, Tue & Thu, C4)... disaster nostalgia CHALLENGER - GO FOR LAUNCH (9pm, Tue, BBC2) ignores the controversial http://www.trosch.org/for/7j05/7oct05.htm theory (search for "Shuttle")... Cindy Crawford actioner FAIR GAME (10.30pm, Tue, ITV) pioneeringly features a combined Mexican stand-off sex scene... Ridley Scott takes on the Yakuza in leisurely "Black Hawk Down" prequel BLACK RAIN (9pm, Thu, C5)... and ANGEL (9pm, Thu, Sky1) returns to satellite, followed by new would-be-M*A*S*H medical comedy SCRUBS (10pm, Thu, Sky1) - starring Sarah Chalke, aka "the second Becky" from "Roseanne"... FILM>> a big week for studios junking their box-office underperformers, the most disappointing being Eliza "Faith from Buffy" Dushku and Melissa "Get Over It" Sagemiller's hotly-awaited teen-horror near-death coma, SOUL SURVIVORS (http://www.screenit.com/movies/2001/soul_survivors.html : we see [Dushku] and [Sagemiller] in the shower together (clothed) as they rinse off the paint, with [Dushku] rubbing it off [Sagemiller] and herself with a sponge in a slightly sensuous fashion; [Sagemiller] then catches sight of [Dushku] and [a goth girl] making out together (standing) in the library, suggesting something lesbian related)... a B-list cast - including a bearable John Cleese - amble good-naturedly through gross-out "Mad, Mad, Mad World" remake RAT RACE (http://www.capalert.com/capreports/ratrace.htm : flatulence; beatings; leg wrapping; tongue piercing - repeatedly; adult males kissing by mouth; additional homosexual presence; punk skinhead neoNazi museum)... Teri "Meet The Parents" Polo divorces John Travolta, thoughtlessly moves in with murderer Vince Vaughn in non-nuclear potboiler DOMESTIC DISTURBANCE (http://www.capalert.com/capreports/domesticdisturb.htm : denial of personal accountability by blaming divorce for poor behavioral choices; abusive attitude toward stepson)... which just leaves a choice of "Spinal Tap" tribute-band effort ROCK STAR (http://www.cndb.com/movie.html?title=Rock+Star : [Mark Wahlberg] pulls his pants up fast but we still get a good enough shot of that awesome, round, deep-cracked butt)... or inexplicably renamed-for-the-UK Neil Diamond singalong EVIL WOMAN (http://www.cndb.com/movie.html?title=Saving+Silverman : [Odessa Munroe] plays a hooker who strips off her top in a ping pong match. One look at her tits and you'll want to suck 'em to death!)... CONFECTIONERY THEORY>> bafflingly, white chocolate looks set to be *the* confectionery craze of 2002, with CADBURY'S DREAM "Creamy White Chocolate Egg" appearing to resemble a Milky Bar shell filled with white chocolate of an almost perceptibly different consistency. Milky Bar owners NESTLE are, however, fighting back with their own "new fondant-filled" MILKYBAR EGG and the unappealingly named KIT KAT CHUNKY WHITE, part of a Spring line-up that also includes the "Monsters Inc"-inspired I SCREAMS (a "milky dessert with a green centre") and MIKE'S BURSTING EYES. Here's hoping they go down better than the pre- Christmas ROWNTREE'S FROST PASTILLES (an "assortment of fruit sorbet and fruit ice cream flavour pastilles"), described by DAVID TRAVELLING as "strange, but pleasant, synthetic flavours that I have failed to match with any known ice cream". Though he does add that one that tastes like bubble-gum, but with the added advantage that "swallowing it doesn't lead to slow death by internal strangulation. At least, it hasn't yet"... over in savouries, DOUGLAS YATES was perhaps a little harsh towards the ultra-rigid JACOB'S CRACKERS THAI BITES ("Lightly salted", "Sweet herb" or "Oriental spice", from 39p), alleging they're merely "small rice crackers with a hint of flavouring powder sprinkled on them", though WAYNE WILLIAMS was more positive about the erratically distributed MCCAIN MICRO CHICKEN WINGS ("Curry", "BBQ" or "Tandoori") - "Nice, but (as chicken wings tend to be) quite small". Or maybe the "micro" part of their name doesn't just refer to their microwaveability... the cool reception continued for NESCAFE'S "HOT WHEN YOU WANT" self- heating coffee ("tepid piss" - Jolyon Sandercock) - we had a surprisingly palatable one ("with milk & sugar") where the temperature was just right, but this can be tricky to judge because of natural anxieties over returning to the can once the "red liquid" (red mercury?) has been activated. NTK's own LEE MAGUIRE described the "DIET AIR" peach variant of SNAPPLE ELEMENTS (UKP 1.69) as "having a really nice bottle", but it clearly hasn't tantalised your tastebuds as much as the RAC's long-awaited entry into the "Red Bull" energy drink market, RAC 124: http://www.rac.co.uk/news/issues/26072001RAC124 (124mg of caffeine, that is!). JOSH ROULSTON found the "lightly carbonated" peach flavour "disgusting", only buying it because "it was such a strange idea" ("Not to be used as a substitute for sleep", the can reassuringly proclaims). Yet WAYNE WILLIAMS, still buzzing from his spicy chicken find, argued that they should play up the refreshing flavour more, instead of all the "Do Not Drive If Tired" waffle. Hey, it was vodka that popularised Red Bull, so let us know if you ignore the "Do not mix with alcohol" disclaimer and come up with a delicious Bellini-style RAC 124 caffeinated cocktail... >> SMALL PRINT << Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent. Registered at the Post Office as "computer virus? my arse" http://www.herdofsheep.com/issue_42/anus.html NEED TO KNOW THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK. Archive - http://www.ntk.net/ Unsubscribe? Mail ntknow-unsubscribe@lists.ntk.net Subscribe? 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