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        "Search engines are the right tools with which to find the 
         needed information. According to 101Register.com, there are 
         over 600,000 search engines currently available on the Web; 
         the major ones are Yahoo, AOL, Lycos, Hotbot, Excite, 
         Altavista, MSN, Ask Jeeves, Netscape Search and Northern 
         Light..."
  http://globalarchive.ft.com/globalarchive/article.html?id=020107000559 
        ...plus, a bit more research reveals, a little-known newcomer 
                                               by the name of "Google"...


                                >> HARD NEWS <<
                            going to shoot through

         Just a week in, and 2002 is already shaping up to be the
         super-retro Year Of Any Other Previous Year. In the only
         major news stories this week, Steve Jobs shamelessly mined
         his back catalogue for design ideas (NeXTCube, Pixar lamp -
         the new iBooks, we prophesy, will be shaped like a Buzz
         Lightyear Jet Pack). Bill Gates regressed into a Harry
         Potter childhood for CES, and espoused the future pad
         computer he's been banging on since the Pen Windows days.
         And the wider Net's gaze persists in being drawn into the
         nostalgic netherworld of the Google Archive. Most disturbing
         retro-post so far uncovered is a 1991 "Marc Andreessen"
         confessional, where he offers "Dickman and Throbbin" as his
         "all-time favourite porno". "This has to be one of the
         funniest movies I have ever seen, porno or not...", writes
         the young Univ of Illinois student. Of course, we should
         point out it may well be an entirely different Marc
         Andreessen. Or even more tantalisingly: could it be a fake
         post placed in the Google archive by mischevious USENET
         "benefactors"? Well, no. But that *does* sound a good idea
         for a competition. First one to proveably drop a ringer into
         the DejaGoogle database gets a tenner from us. Extra quids
         for the inclusion of eerie futuristic premonitions, celebrity
         value, and mentions of other Marc Andreessen porn
         preferences. But please: do try to ensure that your
         changing of the past does not influence the present.
http://dailynews.yahoo.com/h/p/nm/20020108/ts/imdf08012002012255a.html
                                                        - Bill Gates...
         http://www.theonion.com/onion3744/harry_potter_craze.html
                                                       - imitates Onion
http://groups.google.com/groups?selm=1991Jan11.073833.14136%40ux1.cso.uiuc.edu
                               - starring master of comedy, John Holmes 
         http://groups.google.com/groups?selm=5094%40ucbvax.ARPA
- earliest NTK reader post: 1985's Gordon Joly becomes self-aware on net.ai

         What a piece of work is Peter Noble PR, who yesterday mailed 
         out a press release pegged around the recent deaths of rock 
         musicians Jon Lee (the drummer in Feeder), Zac Foley (the bass 
         player in EMF), and Stuart Adamson (the singer from Big 
         Country). Under the heading "It's Official: Rock'n'roll is a 
         Dangerous Game", the release goes on to surmise that "the 
         recent rock suicides serve as an ironic twist leading up to 
         the much hyped computer game release entitled Rock Manager 
         [...] released on PC CD-Rom on 28th March in the UK". "Has no 
         one learned anything from the Jo Moore fiasco?" wondered one 
         gobsmacked recipient, and we'd be inclined to agree - it's 
         inconceivable that PR companies might set out to deliberately 
         court controversy in this way, under the impression that
         "any publicity is good publicity", or something.
         http://www.ntk.net/2002/01/11/dohnoble.txt
               - "for screen shots, additional information, obituaries"
     http://www.femail.co.uk/pages/standard/article.html?in_article_id=36136
                        - taking that "any publicity..." thing too far?


                                >> ANTI-NEWS <<
                             berating the obvious

         "low level violence" - not been using RED HAT for long?: 
         http://www.adminbase.net/~inorog/dead-rat-800x600.jpg ... 
         hell, freezing over: http://www.ntk.net/2002/01/11/dohsnow.gif 
         ... "If you are using Netscape please upgrade to IE5", barks 
         http://www.oswaldmosley.com/ ... scoring low on "dish care": 
         http://www.whitebox.co.uk/detailsx.asp?pfid=DW_DG6145WG ... 
         COCA-COLA puts "name on electronic goods for the first time": 
        http://media.guardian.co.uk/newmedia/story/0,7496,630088,00.html
         vs http://members.aol.com/wrob282988/GroovyNet/Thing.html ... 
         "lack of SSL" security loophole plugged by deleting script: 
         http://www.gofers.co.uk/new_account/body_new_account.html ... 
         ever-professional DR KEYBOARD publishes NHS-style performance 
         table: http://www.drkeyboard.com/stats/stats.Dec-2001.html ... 
         it's Shockingly-Underpaid-Vital-Role-In-Society Of The Week: 
         http://www.reed.co.uk/cgi-bin/JobDetails.asp?JobID=1119033 ... 
         honesty attack at http://www.geneanet.org/members/ - where 
         "Few features are coming soon!" ... it's a new paradigm 
         alright: http://www.ntk.net/2002/01/11/dohvisuo.png ...


                               >> EVENT QUEUE <<
                         goto's considered non-harmful

         Only a couple of days or so left to get your nominations into 
         the "BLOGGIES" SECOND ANNUAL WEBLOG AWARDS - and perhaps 
         prevent Metafilter, PlasticBag.Org and - imaginatively enough 
         - Blogger.com from scooping all those $20 PayPal prizes again. 
         (Slightly) closer to home, the titanic battle for the soul of 
         arty-farty online liberalism is shaping up at next week's 
         CYBERSALON: AN INTIMATE ENCOUNTER WITH DOUGLAS RUSHKOFF (7pm, 
         Fri, 2002-01-18, Global Cafe, London W1, free). In the blue 
         corner: West Coast writer, technorealist ringleader (and one-
         time "software developer") Rushkoff will be giving a "short 
         talk"; while Cybersalon's own RICHARD BARBROOK will be hosting 
         the discussion afterwards, and thus hopefully representing the 
         beret-wearing Euro-cynicism of the Nettime mailing list, 
         memorably described by Doug in the Guardian as "hyper-
         intellectual neo-communists" after they dared to "snicker" at 
         last year's bombing of the World Trade Center. 
         http://www.fairvue.com/?feature=awards2002
               - vs "drivel, banal shit" http://psychcentral.com/blogs/
     http://www.guardian.co.uk/Archive/Article/0,4273,4260490,00.html
                                        - vs http://www.cybersalon.org/
         http://www.filmhouse.demon.co.uk/GHIBLI.html
                     - plus: Manga movie festival hits Edinburgh on Thu
     http://www.marssociety.org.uk/sections.php?op=viewarticle&artid=61
                             - then, next weekend: get your ass to Mars


                                >> TRACKING <<
               sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering

         Seven years ago, Gopher had it all - bigger audience than
         those struggling HTTP Eurotrash types, MTV VJ's wearing
         "Gopher World Tour" t-shirts, groupies in airport lounges
         screaming tab-delimited text in case jetsetting Gopher
         developers heard, and "request more files". Now, its creators
         live in rubbish bins and drink each other's wee. The One
         True Reason for this fall to grace, tradition teaches us, is
         that back in '93 Gopherenes demanded a $10,000 a year
         licence for commercial gopher service users. The source was
         unfree, development languished, and Marc Andreessen turned
         up with this brand new guitar sound. A year ago, the
         University Of Minnesotta finally relented and GPL'd the
         mother, and voila - GOPHER 3.0. True be told, GOPHER 3.0 is
         largely a bunch of security updates, better MIME-handling
         and the usual nips and tucks to port the code to a wider set
         of (Unixy) platforms. But everyone knows that 3.0 is when 
         programs *really* take off.
         http://quux.org/hurg/hurg?selector=/Software/Gopher&host=quux.org
          - now set up that gopher porn site and watch the hits explode
         http://www.scn.org/~bkarger/gopher-manifesto
                                            - gopher for Mozilla? tick!
http://groups.google.com/groups?threadm=1993Mar11.015639.16976%40spdcc.com
                    - "If X Mosaic gets ported to Windows, gopher is a gonner."


                                >> MEMEPOOL <<
                ceci n'est pas une http://www.gagpipe.com/

         SLATE UK editors request anonymity, fear "naming and shaming" 
         campaign: http://slate.msn.com/?id=2060511&entry=2060514 ... 
         colour of universe suspiciously close to ZX Spectrum "Cyan": 
         http://www.newscientist.com/news/news.jsp?id=ns99991775 ... 
         but where's "how many frames of animation make up my walk?": 
         http://blog.ravenblack.net/quiz/videogame.pl ... shame he 
         wasn't elected over here (for the tabloid headlines alone): 
         http://www.minge.org/ ... nautical, not really that nice: 
  http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/Bluffs/5740/pictures/picture.html
         ... avoid discussing: a person's occupation, birthplace, 
         religion, your "family tree", sex, the mediocrity of British 
         food: http://qwer.org/foreigners020111.html ... NZ imitates DR 
         WHO: http://www.nzherald.co.nz/storydisplay.cfm?storyID=585240 
         ... Japanese imitate "I do eyes! Genetic designs, just eyes!": 
  http://dailynews.yahoo.com/htx/nm/20020105/sc/japan_eyeball_dc_1.html
         ... when oh when will the public tire of FRIENDS REUNITED 
         Spoof Of The Week?: http://www.convictsreunited.com/ ... is it 
         because I is God?: http://www.emailgod.net/view.asp?id=205 ... 


                                >> GEEK MEDIA <<
                                  get out less

         TV>> hey, maybe SMACK THE PONY (9.30pm, Fri, C4) *will* one 
         day persuade other comedy sketch shows to go back to funny 
         song parodies... Julie Delpy bungee-jumps without a rope in 
         heat-vision CGI monster romp AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN PARIS 
         (10.35pm, Fri, BBC1)... Mel B - who is the "scary" one, right, 
         not the tracksuit-wearing PE teacher - explores the religious 
         traditions of West Africa by living as a VOODOO PRINCESS (8pm, 
         Sat, C4)... and there's a handy double-header of films that 
         are the subject of monologues in other movies, namely: DOG DAY 
         AFTERNOON (11pm, Sat, C5) - dissed by Travolta in "Swordfish" 
         - and TOP GUN (11.05pm, Sat, BBC1), as immortalised by Quentin 
         Tarantino: http://uk.imdb.com/Quotes?Sleep+with+Me+(1994) ... 
         oncogeny recapitulates phylogeny on Sun, as cloning docu HOW 
         TO BUILD A HUMAN (9pm, Sun, BBC2) follows caveman fantasy STIG 
         OF THE DUMP (5.55pm, Sun, BBC1)... Mia Sorvino remakes "Alien" 
         with giant insects on the New York underground in MIMIC (10pm, 
         Sun, C4)... Ben Affleck presages "Pitch Black" in smalltown 
         Dean R Koontz adaptation PHANTOMS (10pm, Mon, C4)... and 
         contestants think they're living in an isolated tropical 
         paradise, but it's actually one of those domes in Cornwall, in 
         new reality vote-off EDEN (6pm, Tue & Thu, C4)... disaster 
         nostalgia CHALLENGER - GO FOR LAUNCH (9pm, Tue, BBC2) ignores 
         the controversial http://www.trosch.org/for/7j05/7oct05.htm 
         theory (search for "Shuttle")... Cindy Crawford actioner FAIR 
         GAME (10.30pm, Tue, ITV) pioneeringly features a combined 
         Mexican stand-off sex scene... Ridley Scott takes on the 
         Yakuza in leisurely "Black Hawk Down" prequel BLACK RAIN (9pm, 
         Thu, C5)... and ANGEL (9pm, Thu, Sky1) returns to satellite, 
         followed by new would-be-M*A*S*H medical comedy SCRUBS (10pm, 
         Thu, Sky1) - starring Sarah Chalke, aka "the second Becky" 
         from "Roseanne"... 
         
         FILM>> a big week for studios junking their box-office 
         underperformers, the most disappointing being Eliza "Faith 
         from Buffy" Dushku and Melissa "Get Over It" Sagemiller's 
         hotly-awaited teen-horror near-death coma, SOUL SURVIVORS 
         (http://www.screenit.com/movies/2001/soul_survivors.html : we 
         see [Dushku] and [Sagemiller] in the shower together (clothed) 
         as they rinse off the paint, with [Dushku] rubbing it off 
         [Sagemiller] and herself with a sponge in a slightly sensuous 
         fashion; [Sagemiller] then catches sight of [Dushku] and [a 
         goth girl] making out together (standing) in the library, 
         suggesting something lesbian related)... a B-list cast - 
         including a bearable John Cleese - amble good-naturedly 
         through gross-out "Mad, Mad, Mad World" remake RAT RACE 
         (http://www.capalert.com/capreports/ratrace.htm : flatulence; 
         beatings; leg wrapping; tongue piercing - repeatedly; adult 
         males kissing by mouth; additional homosexual presence; punk 
         skinhead neoNazi museum)... Teri "Meet The Parents" Polo 
         divorces John Travolta, thoughtlessly moves in with murderer 
         Vince Vaughn in non-nuclear potboiler DOMESTIC DISTURBANCE 
         (http://www.capalert.com/capreports/domesticdisturb.htm : 
         denial of personal accountability by blaming divorce for poor 
         behavioral choices; abusive attitude toward stepson)... which 
         just leaves a choice of "Spinal Tap" tribute-band effort ROCK 
         STAR (http://www.cndb.com/movie.html?title=Rock+Star : [Mark 
         Wahlberg] pulls his pants up fast but we still get a good 
         enough shot of that awesome, round, deep-cracked butt)... or 
         inexplicably renamed-for-the-UK Neil Diamond singalong EVIL 
         WOMAN (http://www.cndb.com/movie.html?title=Saving+Silverman : 
         [Odessa Munroe] plays a hooker who strips off her top in a 
         ping pong match. One look at her tits and you'll want to suck 
         'em to death!)... 
         
         CONFECTIONERY THEORY>> bafflingly, white chocolate looks set 
         to be *the* confectionery craze of 2002, with CADBURY'S DREAM 
         "Creamy White Chocolate Egg" appearing to resemble a Milky Bar 
         shell filled with white chocolate of an almost perceptibly 
         different consistency. Milky Bar owners NESTLE are, however, 
         fighting back with their own "new fondant-filled" MILKYBAR EGG 
         and the unappealingly named KIT KAT CHUNKY WHITE, part of a 
         Spring line-up that also includes the "Monsters Inc"-inspired 
         I SCREAMS (a "milky dessert with a green centre") and MIKE'S 
         BURSTING EYES. Here's hoping they go down better than the pre-
         Christmas ROWNTREE'S FROST PASTILLES (an "assortment of fruit 
         sorbet and fruit ice cream flavour pastilles"), described by 
         DAVID TRAVELLING as "strange, but pleasant, synthetic flavours 
         that I have failed to match with any known ice cream". Though 
         he does add that one that tastes like bubble-gum, but with the 
         added advantage that "swallowing it doesn't lead to slow death 
         by internal strangulation. At least, it hasn't yet"... over in 
         savouries, DOUGLAS YATES was perhaps a little harsh towards 
         the ultra-rigid JACOB'S CRACKERS THAI BITES ("Lightly salted", 
         "Sweet herb" or "Oriental spice", from 39p), alleging they're 
         merely "small rice crackers with a hint of flavouring powder 
         sprinkled on them", though WAYNE WILLIAMS was more positive 
         about the erratically distributed MCCAIN MICRO CHICKEN WINGS 
         ("Curry", "BBQ" or "Tandoori") - "Nice, but (as chicken wings 
         tend to be) quite small". Or maybe the "micro" part of their 
         name doesn't just refer to their microwaveability... the cool 
         reception continued for NESCAFE'S "HOT WHEN YOU WANT" self-
         heating coffee ("tepid piss" - Jolyon Sandercock) - we had a 
         surprisingly palatable one ("with milk & sugar") where the 
         temperature was just right, but this can be tricky to judge 
         because of natural anxieties over returning to the can once 
         the "red liquid" (red mercury?) has been activated. NTK's own 
         LEE MAGUIRE described the "DIET AIR" peach variant of SNAPPLE 
         ELEMENTS (UKP 1.69) as "having a really nice bottle", but it 
         clearly hasn't tantalised your tastebuds as much as the RAC's 
         long-awaited entry into the "Red Bull" energy drink market, 
         RAC 124: http://www.rac.co.uk/news/issues/26072001RAC124 
         (124mg of caffeine, that is!). JOSH ROULSTON found the 
         "lightly carbonated" peach flavour "disgusting", only buying 
         it because "it was such a strange idea" ("Not to be used as a 
         substitute for sleep", the can reassuringly proclaims). Yet 
         WAYNE WILLIAMS, still buzzing from his spicy chicken find, 
         argued that they should play up the refreshing flavour more, 
         instead of all the "Do Not Drive If Tired" waffle. Hey, it was 
         vodka that popularised Red Bull, so let us know if you ignore 
         the "Do not mix with alcohol" disclaimer and come up with a 
         delicious Bellini-style RAC 124 caffeinated cocktail... 


                               >> SMALL PRINT <<

       Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
         happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
       on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
     nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
                       Registered at the Post Office as
                           "computer virus? my arse"
               http://www.herdofsheep.com/issue_42/anus.html


                                 NEED TO KNOW
            THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK.
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