_ _ _____ _ __ <*the* weekly high-tech sarcastic update for the uk>
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|_| \_| |_| |_|\_\|_| |_|\___/ \_/\_/ o http://www.ntk.net/ >> HARD NEWS <<
The new edition of the Shorter OED came out too early (or
too late) to include medireview, the Yahoo-generated
alternative to medieval [NTK 2002-07-12]. We have higher
hopes for the next edition and "risumi" - a new autocoinage
spotted by Jeremy Ardley and still, it would seem, growing in
popularity. A "risumi", word fans, is a special kind of
"resume" that has been written with a ISO-8859-1/14 character
set and then sent through a mailer that drops the high bit.
Lowercase e with an acute accent, minus the top bit, turns
into an "i". Hence, risumi. Our favourite citation for the
new dictionary entry: an article by Peter Kaufman, "creative
strategist" at clickz.com, who confidently declares "Why
would anyone hire a person with spelling errors in a
document? Several risumis I've seen over the years have had
spelling, grammar and syntax errors that would make you
either laugh or cry". Coincidentally or not, Kaufman's piece
is now the highest hit on Google for the neologism. How
- google translates 621 pages into South African
Obviously we're suspicious of whether AMAZON.COM APPAREL have
made their recommendations exceptionally bizarre in a bid to
get viral publicity for the launch of their spinoff clothing
store. Nonetheless, many of you felt their winter wardrobe
suggestions worthy of comment, from the hint of e-shopping
nudity in the tagline "Customers *who wear clothes* also shop
for:" (our emphasis), to the fact that, presumably due to
insufficient sample data, it regularly proposes a fetching
ensemble consisting of "Clean Underwear, Ladybug Rain Boots,
Suede Headwraps and Cheetah Print Slippers", for all the more
adventurous Rod Stewart impersonators out there. In fact, it
advises a purchase of "Clean Underwear" to go with pretty much
everything (is "Used Underwear" also an option?) - including,
as reader JONATHAN BEESTON soon discovered, the unexpectedly
apposite title, "Overcoming Incontinence: A Straightforward
Guide To Your Options".
- those "Ladybug Rain Boots" could also come in handy
- cashmere top, clean pants, and no trousers: a look which
is *never* going to go out of style...
>> ANTI-NEWS <<
berating the obvious
probably not the kind of "attracting girls to IT" that they
had in mind: http://www.ntk.net/2002/11/15/dohbpi.gif - but
then again: http://www.ntk.net/2002/11/15/dohinout.gif ...
slightly more exotic double-entendre GOOGLE MISSPELLINGS:
http://www.google.com/search?q=%22thrust+me+on+this%22 , plus
"retart your computer", "bridget jones dairy" - making up for:
... hit "click to enter" - and it 404s, "at the speed of
thought": http://www.microsoft.com/billgates/book/ ... hello?
Brighton Uni? I think I've found three faults all on one
page: http://www.brighton.ac.uk/is/faults.shtml ... your
shtoopid English names are UNACCEPTABLE, barks the German:
http://www.ntk.net/2002/11/15/dohte.gif ... why he's called
"Rabbit"?: http://www.ntk.net/2002/11/15/dohhop.gif ...
>> EVENT QUEUE <<
goto's considered non-harmful
Chris's MORRIS and CUNNINGHAM - together at last! - at this
weekend's digital and lowtech film festival RESFEST (from
today Friday 2002-11-15, various London venues, from UKP7.50
per showing) - a great opportunity to catch the state of the
art in pop videos for anyone who doesn't have MTV2. Somewhat
less disturbing entertainment should be available in the form
of gangling NTK fellow-traveller BEN MOOR, whose whimsical
pseudophysics odyssey A SUPERCOLLIDER FOR THE FAMILY bounces
around the Chaplaincy Centre, Bath (7.30pm, next Friday 2002-
11-22, UKP5) - email email@example.com to reserve your
- is this different to "onedotzero"? And if so, how?
- aka "Brian O'Green" in "Time Gentlemen Please"
- on Wed: live human autopsy at London's Body Worlds show
- plus: advance notice of DorkBot December spectacular
>> TRACKING <<
sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering
OS X developers must sometimes feel like the early American
colonists (oh yes they must). Under the guide of good King
Steve, they bravely build on the very edges of the known
world - only to have a bunch of laughing natives slinking
through every Winter and plundering their stores of new
ideas to use on their Free Unix teepees. Next up, we hope,
for booty, is the Mac's genius (and $20) LaunchBar app. With
LaunchBar installed, OS X's surprisingly bad keyboard
accessibility is cured. It's a menubar app which keeps a
list of all the popular appplications, documents, and
bookmarked URLs on your machine. To reach any of them, you
just hit ALT-<SPACE> then the first few letters of the title
you want. With a bit of training (it learns from your
choices), it's not long before you wish that every OS had
this - and wonder when Gnome and KDE will get the feature.
- we may have got American history mixed up. The natives won, right?
>> MEMEPOOL <<
ceci n'est pas une http://www.gagpipe.com/ Aussies not as "up for it" as popular stereotype makes out:
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_700109.html ... BUSH
counts "millions of peaceful-loving Muslim Americans":
... slightly harsh description of popular kids' character:
... Radio 1 claim "100th Window" = "threat of internet piracy":
- though the book of the same name seems to suggest otherwise:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/068483944X/ ... so,
how's my driving?: http://www.changingtheclimate.com/ ...
browser games which don't need the latest Flash plugin:
http://kisrael.com/features/gb.html ... when ANTI-AUDIOPHILES
STRIKE BACK: http://home.cfl.rr.com/happysurfer/audio_bs.htm
... ORWELL by name: http://www.orwellpolice.com/Crimetip.htm
vs http://www.easycar.com/eng/core/nossl/OverdueCars.asp ...
>> GEEK MEDIA <<
get out less
TV>> the stealth bomber's special "passengers" configuration
is unveiled by in-flight "Die Hard" romp EXECUTIVE DECISION
(8.55pm, Fri, ITV)... "there's more" to Isaac Newton than just
the Principia Mathematica, argues GREAT BRITONS (9pm, Fri,
BBC2)... and Z-list celebrities murdering pop standards is the
theme of the week in what seems to be most of BBC CHILDREN IN
NEED (7pm-2am, Fri, BBC1), SONGS OF BOND (9.15pm, Sat, ITV),
THE UK'S OFFICIAL 100 BESTSELLING SINGLES (9pm, Sat, C4), and
CELEBRITY BIG BROTHER (9pm, Wed, C4)... there's a rare chance
to see the first two episodes in a double bill of THE NORM
SHOW (3.55am, Sat, C4)... porn star Kobe Tai avoids
typecasting by playing a prostitute in botched stag night
black comedy VERY BAD THINGS (10pm, Sun, C4)... and director
Danny Cannon's thirst for justice served him well as he went
on to direct and produce CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION (9pm,
Sat, C5) a few years after JUDGE DREDD (10.55pm, Sun, BBC1)...
it's unclear whether NTK t-shirts form part of Violet Berlin's
cute new outfit in GAME-PAD 3 (4.30 & 7.30pm, Mon-Fri,
Bravo)... "Alistair McGowan's Big Impression" impersonation
DEAD RINGERS (9pm, Mon, BBC2) is only loosely based on the
David Cronenberg gyno-horror film of the same name... the
fruits of C4's "digital animation scheme" are premiered in
MESH (7.55pm, Mon-Thu, C4)... and GROUNDHOG DAY (9pm, Mon, C5)
gets its third terrestrial showing this year, aptly enough...
Channel 5's late-night schedule becomes increasingly self-
referential in masturbation docu HISTORY OF SELF-PLEASURE
(11.40pm, Mon, C5) - not to be confused with controversially
weird Bjork musical DANCER IN THE DARK (11.40pm, Mon, C4)...
as the Guardian Guide usually puts it, Dirty Harry encounters
some cops even more right-wing than he is in MAGNUM FORCE
(9pm, Wed, C5)... bookmark the new location for that site on
how CONTACT (8pm, Thu, C5) - and Morrissey - predicted Diana's
death: http://home.cogeco.ca/~veganmozfan/part3.html ... while
Adam Buxton and Alice "Garth Marenghi" Lowe play struggling
rock stars in COMEDY LAB: THE LAST CHANCERS (11.40pm, Thu,
FILM>> if you don't mind Moore's overbearing manner and the
terrible poster tagline ("Are they a nation of gun nuts or
just nuts?"), then hire your shoes for BOWLING FOR COLUMBINE
( http://www.screenit.com/movies/2002/bowling_for_columbine.html :
Marilyn Manson wears makeup that includes a black stripe
across his face; we see some women in skimpy swimsuits [...]
holding various guns; some may view Moore as having a bad
attitude for his apparent liberal approach and anti-gun agenda
with the film)... that pesky Internet Movie Database said it
was out a month ago, but this week appears to be the real
release for gross-out stoner police slapstick SUPER TROOPERS
( http://www.screenit.com/movies/2002/super_troopers.html :
two local cops answer a call about a man having sex with a
bear)... and even professional movie reviewers seem to be
having difficulty distinguishing between the previous film
http://www.ntk.net/2002/11/15/dohpotter.gif and the somewhat
Freudian-sounding HARRY POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS
( http://www.bbfc.co.uk/ : contains mild language and horror,
and fantasy spiders)...
>> SMALL PRINT <<
Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
Registered at the Post Office as
"ZDNet's top mp3z"
NEED TO KNOW
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