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  • NTK 2007
  • NTK 2006
  • NTK 2005
  • NTK 2004
  • NTK 2003
  • 2002-12-27
    MiniNTK #18
    Question Me!
  • 2002-12-20
    #271
    Seasonal Humbug
  • 2002-12-13
    #270
    Fear and Ignorance. Ignorance and Fear. Those are our watchwords.
  • 2002-12-06
    #269
    Lies, USENET lies, and government consultation periods
  • 2002-11-29
    #268
    thanks, but no thanks
  • 2002-11-22
    #267
    letters to the government, packets to the people
  • 2002-11-15
    #266
    changing our underwear, updating our risumis
  • 2002-11-08
    #265
    uk.gone, digital rag and bone, dance dance implementation
  • 2002-11-01
    #264
    Old Media Cheek, Currently Residing in The Event Queue File
  • 2002-10-25
    #263
    Hilary's term at Oxford
  • 2002-10-18
    #262
    the meetings will continue until morale improves
  • 2002-10-11
    #261
    zer0 day b33b and the Sinclair Brothers
  • 2002-10-04
    #260
    Google shark-jumping?, Perl and Cocoa
  • 2002-09-27
    #259
    Children of the Banned, Party poop
  • 2002-09-20
    #258
    LibDems, KidPr0n, DVDSync
  • 2002-09-13
    #257
    The claims of Acclaim, Perl world tour
  • 2002-09-06
    #256
    Cons and conmen, HARRIXOS will never die!
  • 2002-08-30
    #255
    Earth invasion postponed.
  • 2002-08-23
    #254
    EUCD2, Bayes Watch, PlayStation "cool"
  • 2002-08-16
    MiniNTK #18
    Summertime Squeak Special - in Dolby
  • 2002-08-09
    #253
    EUCD UK, Defcon Upshots, another W3C compliance test to fail
  • 2002-08-02
    #252
    Summertime Surveillance, No Orgasms for Kevin
  • 2002-07-26
    #251
    Movement down the Redbus, Sexy Torrents of Bits, No *I'm* Ploticus
  • 2002-07-19
    #250
    Back in the former USSR, Charlie the Angry Drunken Satirist, 8 bits enter a room 1K leaves
  • 2002-07-12
    #249
    Do y*u Y*h**?, Edge vs NTK vs KLF vs Johnny Ball
  • 2002-07-05
    #248
    man perlbeg, googlebucks, be the gipper of fipr
  • 2002-06-28
    #247
    careless talk, lies at the palladium, checking lilo status
  • 2002-06-21
    #246
    RIPA, mate; ooh UKUUG; and fizzy milk
  • 2002-06-14
    #246
    post-XCOM letdown, BBCing you, socat sogood
  • 2002-06-07
    MiniNTK #17
    a word from our sponsors
  • 2002-05-31
    #245
    Demons of the past, Extreme Pleading
  • 2002-05-24
    #244
    Phone bridge of sighs, but Outlook is rosy at last
  • 2002-05-17
    #243
    All Cons, No Pros
  • 2002-05-10
    #242
    Grammy Boots, Perl To Python, Emerging Conferences
  • 2002-05-03
    #241
    Everyone dress up as monkeys and run for mayor. Pass it on.
  • 2002-04-26
    #240
    CDR, EUCD, DPA, 1475!
  • 2002-04-19
    #239
    No^H^H Yes Minister, Computers Freedom Privacy, For Fsck's Sake
  • 2002-04-12
    #238
    invisible nets, unrecognised countries, zen differentials
  • 2002-04-05
    #237
    Going CYC-O, audioshopping, doubleplus unconvention
  • 2002-03-29
    MiniNTK #16
    Happy Mozday!
  • 2002-03-22
    #236
    Bad BT, Bad PPP, Bad BBC!
  • 2002-03-15
    #235
    Murdoch (probably) owns you, silly billing, haiku-fu
  • 2002-03-08
    #234
    Liberty requires eternal ebullience, love and reality both bite
  • 2002-03-01
    #233
    Grammy sucks eggs, Dead Men Posting, and get well soon Rob
  • 2002-02-22
    #232
    Codecon, Funky Dredds and "Life" is the name of the game
  • 2002-02-15
    #231
    goth bands, froups banned, bitmap of the heart
  • 2002-02-08
    #230
    Takedown's a bitch, creme egg *cones*?
  • 2002-02-01
    #229
    Booby prizes, dorkbot and dillo
  • 2002-01-25
    #228
    BBC basics, Ms Tron, more of .me
  • 2002-01-18
    #227
    It's always about .me, isn't it?
  • 2002-01-11
    #226
    Big Marc, Little Marc, Gopher broke, and get whitey chocolate
  • 2002-01-04
    MiniNTK #15
    "Happy New Warez" porn link round-up
  • NTK 2001
  • NTK 2000
  • NTK 1999
  • NTK 1998
  • NTK 1997
  • HARD NEWS
  • ANTI-NEWS
  • EVENT QUEUE
  • TRACKING
  • MEMEPOOL
  • GEEK MEDIA
  • SMALL PRINT
 _   _ _____ _  __ <*the* weekly high-tech sarcastic update for the uk>
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                                >> HARD NEWS <<
                                 absent acutes

         The new edition of the Shorter OED came out too early (or
         too late) to include medireview, the Yahoo-generated
         alternative to medieval [NTK 2002-07-12]. We have higher
         hopes for the next edition and "risumi" - a new autocoinage
         spotted by Jeremy Ardley and still, it would seem, growing in
         popularity. A "risumi", word fans, is a special kind of
         "resume" that has been written with a ISO-8859-1/14 character
         set and then sent through a mailer that drops the high bit.
         Lowercase e with an acute accent, minus the top bit, turns
         into an "i". Hence, risumi. Our favourite citation for the
         new dictionary entry: an article by Peter Kaufman, "creative
         strategist" at clickz.com, who confidently declares "Why
         would anyone hire a person with spelling errors in a
         document? Several risumis I've seen over the years have had
         spelling, grammar and syntax errors that would make you
         either laugh or cry". Coincidentally or not, Kaufman's piece
         is now the highest hit on Google for the neologism. How
         diclassi.
         http://www.clickz.com/article.php/838241
                                                             - touchi
         http://www.google.com/search?q=risumi
                     - google translates 621 pages into South African

         Obviously we're suspicious of whether AMAZON.COM APPAREL have 
         made their recommendations exceptionally bizarre in a bid to 
         get viral publicity for the launch of their spinoff clothing 
         store. Nonetheless, many of you felt their winter wardrobe 
         suggestions worthy of comment, from the hint of e-shopping 
         nudity in the tagline "Customers *who wear clothes* also shop 
         for:" (our emphasis), to the fact that, presumably due to 
         insufficient sample data, it regularly proposes a fetching 
         ensemble consisting of "Clean Underwear, Ladybug Rain Boots, 
         Suede Headwraps and Cheetah Print Slippers", for all the more 
         adventurous Rod Stewart impersonators out there. In fact, it 
         advises a purchase of "Clean Underwear" to go with pretty much 
         everything (is "Used Underwear" also an option?) - including, 
         as reader JONATHAN BEESTON soon discovered, the unexpectedly 
         apposite title, "Overcoming Incontinence: A Straightforward 
         Guide To Your Options".
         http://www.ntk.net/2002/11/15/dohpants.gif
                - those "Ladybug Rain Boots" could also come in handy
         http://www.ntk.net/2002/11/15/dohuse.gif
           - cashmere top, clean pants, and no trousers: a look which 
                               is *never* going to go out of style...


                                >> ANTI-NEWS <<
                             berating the obvious

         probably not the kind of "attracting girls to IT" that they 
         had in mind: http://www.ntk.net/2002/11/15/dohbpi.gif - but 
         then again: http://www.ntk.net/2002/11/15/dohinout.gif ... 
         slightly more exotic double-entendre GOOGLE MISSPELLINGS: 
         http://www.google.com/search?q=%22thrust+me+on+this%22 , plus 
         "retart your computer", "bridget jones dairy" - making up for: 
       http://www.empireonline.com.au/new/html/home/content.html#bjones
         ... hit "click to enter" - and it 404s, "at the speed of 
         thought": http://www.microsoft.com/billgates/book/ ... hello? 
         Brighton Uni? I think I've found three faults all on one 
         page: http://www.brighton.ac.uk/is/faults.shtml ... your 
         shtoopid English names are UNACCEPTABLE, barks the German: 
         http://www.ntk.net/2002/11/15/dohte.gif ... why he's called 
         "Rabbit"?: http://www.ntk.net/2002/11/15/dohhop.gif ... 


                               >> EVENT QUEUE <<
                         goto's considered non-harmful

         Chris's MORRIS and CUNNINGHAM - together at last! - at this 
         weekend's digital and lowtech film festival RESFEST (from 
         today Friday 2002-11-15, various London venues, from UKP7.50 
         per showing) - a great opportunity to catch the state of the 
         art in pop videos for anyone who doesn't have MTV2. Somewhat 
         less disturbing entertainment should be available in the form 
         of gangling NTK fellow-traveller BEN MOOR, whose whimsical 
         pseudophysics odyssey A SUPERCOLLIDER FOR THE FAMILY bounces 
         around the Chaplaincy Centre, Bath (7.30pm, next Friday 2002-
         11-22, UKP5) - email su1fish@bath.ac.uk to reserve your 
         tickets today.
         http://www.resfest.com/cities/london.html
                 - is this different to "onedotzero"? And if so, how?
         http://www.bath.ac.uk/~su1fish/
                     - aka "Brian O'Green" in "Time Gentlemen Please"
         http://www.koerperwelten.com/en/aktuelle.htm
            - on Wed: live human autopsy at London's Body Worlds show
         http://dorkbot.org/dorkbotlondon/
               - plus: advance notice of DorkBot December spectacular


                                >> TRACKING <<
               sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering

         OS X developers must sometimes feel like the early American
         colonists (oh yes they must). Under the guide of good King
         Steve, they bravely build on the very edges of the known
         world - only to have a bunch of laughing natives slinking
         through every Winter and plundering their stores of new
         ideas to use on their Free Unix teepees. Next up, we hope,
         for booty, is the Mac's genius (and $20) LaunchBar app. With
         LaunchBar installed, OS X's surprisingly bad keyboard
         accessibility is cured. It's a menubar app which keeps a
         list of all the popular appplications, documents, and
         bookmarked URLs on your machine. To reach any of them, you
         just hit ALT-<SPACE> then the first few letters of the title
         you want. With a bit of training (it learns from your
         choices), it's not long before you wish that every OS had
         this - and wonder when Gnome and KDE will get the feature.
         http://www.obdev.at/products/launchbar/
 - we may have got American history mixed up. The natives won, right?


                                >> MEMEPOOL <<
                ceci n'est pas une http://www.gagpipe.com/

         Aussies not as "up for it" as popular stereotype makes out: 
         http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_700109.html ... BUSH 
         counts "millions of peaceful-loving Muslim Americans": 
http://www.reuters.com/news_article.jhtml?type=topnews&StoryID=1734219
         ... slightly harsh description of popular kids' character: 
     http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A57430-2002Nov15.html
         ... Radio 1 claim "100th Window" = "threat of internet piracy": 
     http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio1/news/altnews/021114_massiveattack.shtml
         - though the book of the same name seems to suggest otherwise: 
         http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/068483944X/ ... so, 
         how's my driving?: http://www.changingtheclimate.com/ ... 
         browser games which don't need the latest Flash plugin: 
         http://kisrael.com/features/gb.html ... when ANTI-AUDIOPHILES 
         STRIKE BACK: http://home.cfl.rr.com/happysurfer/audio_bs.htm 
         ... ORWELL by name: http://www.orwellpolice.com/Crimetip.htm 
         vs http://www.easycar.com/eng/core/nossl/OverdueCars.asp ... 


                                >> GEEK MEDIA <<
                                  get out less

         TV>> the stealth bomber's special "passengers" configuration 
         is unveiled by in-flight "Die Hard" romp EXECUTIVE DECISION 
         (8.55pm, Fri, ITV)... "there's more" to Isaac Newton than just 
         the Principia Mathematica, argues GREAT BRITONS (9pm, Fri, 
         BBC2)... and Z-list celebrities murdering pop standards is the 
         theme of the week in what seems to be most of BBC CHILDREN IN 
         NEED (7pm-2am, Fri, BBC1), SONGS OF BOND (9.15pm, Sat, ITV), 
         THE UK'S OFFICIAL 100 BESTSELLING SINGLES (9pm, Sat, C4), and 
         CELEBRITY BIG BROTHER (9pm, Wed, C4)... there's a rare chance 
         to see the first two episodes in a double bill of THE NORM 
         SHOW (3.55am, Sat, C4)... porn star Kobe Tai avoids 
         typecasting by playing a prostitute in botched stag night 
         black comedy VERY BAD THINGS (10pm, Sun, C4)... and director 
         Danny Cannon's thirst for justice served him well as he went 
         on to direct and produce CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION (9pm, 
         Sat, C5) a few years after JUDGE DREDD (10.55pm, Sun, BBC1)... 
         it's unclear whether NTK t-shirts form part of Violet Berlin's 
         cute new outfit in GAME-PAD 3 (4.30 & 7.30pm, Mon-Fri, 
         Bravo)... "Alistair McGowan's Big Impression" impersonation 
         DEAD RINGERS (9pm, Mon, BBC2) is only loosely based on the 
         David Cronenberg gyno-horror film of the same name... the 
         fruits of C4's "digital animation scheme" are premiered in 
         MESH (7.55pm, Mon-Thu, C4)... and GROUNDHOG DAY (9pm, Mon, C5) 
         gets its third terrestrial showing this year, aptly enough... 
         Channel 5's late-night schedule becomes increasingly self-
         referential in masturbation docu HISTORY OF SELF-PLEASURE 
         (11.40pm, Mon, C5) - not to be confused with controversially 
         weird Bjork musical DANCER IN THE DARK (11.40pm, Mon, C4)... 
         as the Guardian Guide usually puts it, Dirty Harry encounters 
         some cops even more right-wing than he is in MAGNUM FORCE 
         (9pm, Wed, C5)... bookmark the new location for that site on 
         how CONTACT (8pm, Thu, C5) - and Morrissey - predicted Diana's 
         death: http://home.cogeco.ca/~veganmozfan/part3.html ... while 
         Adam Buxton and Alice "Garth Marenghi" Lowe play struggling 
         rock stars in COMEDY LAB: THE LAST CHANCERS (11.40pm, Thu, 
         C4)... 
         
         FILM>> if you don't mind Moore's overbearing manner and the 
         terrible poster tagline ("Are they a nation of gun nuts or 
         just nuts?"), then hire your shoes for BOWLING FOR COLUMBINE 
       ( http://www.screenit.com/movies/2002/bowling_for_columbine.html : 
         Marilyn Manson wears makeup that includes a black stripe 
         across his face; we see some women in skimpy swimsuits [...] 
         holding various guns; some may view Moore as having a bad 
         attitude for his apparent liberal approach and anti-gun agenda 
         with the film)... that pesky Internet Movie Database said it 
         was out a month ago, but this week appears to be the real 
         release for gross-out stoner police slapstick SUPER TROOPERS 
         ( http://www.screenit.com/movies/2002/super_troopers.html : 
         two local cops answer a call about a man having sex with a 
         bear)... and even professional movie reviewers seem to be 
         having difficulty distinguishing between the previous film 
         http://www.ntk.net/2002/11/15/dohpotter.gif and the somewhat 
         Freudian-sounding HARRY POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS 
         ( http://www.bbfc.co.uk/ : contains mild language and horror, 
         and fantasy spiders)...


                               >> SMALL PRINT <<

       Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
         happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
       on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
     nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
                       Registered at the Post Office as
                              "ZDNet's top mp3z"
        http://techupdate.zdnet.co.uk/story/0,,t481-s2125586-p2,00.html

                                 NEED TO KNOW
            THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK.
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  • HARD NEWS
  • ANTI-NEWS
  • EVENT QUEUE
  • TRACKING
  • MEMEPOOL
  • GEEK MEDIA
  • SMALL PRINT