Need To Know 2002-06-21

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"The appearance of the desktop may also provide powerful insights into how comfortable someone is with technology. 'It could be that the person with not much on their desktop is naive about technology,' said Mr Williams." http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/sci/tech/newsid_2045000/2045175.stm ...pop-psychologists : the very definition of "not much on the desktop" >> HARD NEWS << we choose to recuse We must avoid getting too self-congratulatory about COMPLETELY VANQUISHING THE PRIVACY-SMASHING R.I.P. STANDING ORDER USING ONLY OUR BARE HANDS KEYBOARDS AND MICE. And by "we" here, "we" mean "you" - as it was your thousands of faxed letters to MPs that, by all accounts, put the willies up David Blunkett, and caused him to can the whole thing. Before we embark on our usual cynicism, you may take this brief moment to read the reviews, and glory in your new found power. http://www.stand.org.uk/weblog/archive/2002/06/19/000199.php - STAND story: Faxes, Hugh, and slashdotting the government http://news.bbc.co.uk/media/video/38084000/rm/_38084144_privacy22_marr_vi.ram - the BBC says it was you what won it. http://www.ntk.net/2002/06/21/dohbbro.gif - simply *everyone's* talking about it Right, where were we? Well if it's in search of cynicism, we're due at BOB AINSWORTH's, the Home Office minister, who in the dying moments of the Standing Order, did one of those spectacular "Doesn't matter anyway" pouts. "Allow me to say to you that there are people in the Food Standards Agency now who apply for, in what they think are appropriate circumstances, data about people's communications - and they get it", he said to Nick Clarke on the World at One, before laughing in the heroes face, and activating the self-destruct sequence. Can this be true? Can those dastardy Health and Safety Officers really already fly into your ISP with their black helicopters and lift your Web cache? Was it all in vain? So far, the evidence suggests that Mr Ainsworth was economical with the truth, and it's not as bad as all that: yet. http://www.stand.org.uk/privacy/isp1.html - data we've gathered about gathering data in the UK http://www.theregister.co.uk/content/6/25761.html - John Lettice catches the transcript Ah, sod the worthiness. Let us now idly humiliate AT&T BROADBAND. Switching your newsserver config? Want to tell all your customers who use Usenet? Why not post a message about it? And for extra effect, why not accidentally propagate it to everybody else's newserver - on every newsgroup? <NELSON>Ha-haa.</NELSON> http://groups.google.com/groups?q=insubject%3A%22regarding+your+usenet+service%22 >> ANTI-NEWS << berating the obvious CNN's Daljit Dhaliwal prefers "Nexus Lexus" to "LexisNexis": http://media.guardian.co.uk/mediaguardian/story/0,7558,738629,00.html (maybe it's a portal for info on the Lexus luxury car range?) ... this week's UBIQUITOUS PUERILE GOOGLE MISPRINTS AND TYPOS: http://www.google.com/search?q=%22pubic+relations%22+-guardian , http://www.google.com/search?q=cococunt and, more practically: http://www.google.co.uk/search?q=Start+browsing+through+CGI-based+proxy ... one way of stopping them deleting your spoof eBay auction: http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=237479800 ... active server pages = somewhat less active love lives: http://www.aspfriends.com/aspfriends/aspsingles.asp ... "Professional musicians have more grey matter in a part of the brain involved in processing music, scientists have found": http://news.bbc.co.uk/low/english/sci/tech/newsid_2044000/2044646.stm - in other news, secretaries can type quicker and porn stars have larger genitals... YAHOO autolinking has left the building: http://uk.music.yahoo.com/020616/4/d19yu.html ... >> EVENT QUEUE << goto's considered non-harmful No longer in full-time education - yet can't fully enjoy the summer without the illicit thrill of imminent exams? The ostensibly NTK-sponsored UKUUG LINUX DEVELOPERS' CONFERENCE (9am, Thu 2002-07-04, University of Bristol, from about UKP70.50 incl VAT) may have the answer, in the form of your chance to sit the 90-minute Linux Professional Institute certification test without paying the usual $100 fee. As well as the usual crowd-pleasing sessions on MySQL, the Linux kernel (version 2.4) and how to secure your network before somebody else does, the event also evokes the "free - as in admission" philosophy, and throws its doors open to the non- paying public for the Linux Printing Workshop on Friday am plus the "exhibition" part of the show all day Saturday and Friday afternoon. Exhibitors include IBM, SuSE, Debian, Borland, the PlayStation 2 Linux roadshow folks, discounted books from O'Reilly, ideologically sound heckling from the Association For Free Software and someone from NTK shamelessly selling Adminspotting shirts out of the back of a transit van. http://www.ukuug.org/events/linux2002/ - same day as http://www.desktoplinux.com/news/NS3432021257.html http://www.lpi.org/p-sample-101.html - just pick the first multiple-choice option each time? >> TRACKING << sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering No, no, you're wrong. This isn't another Elite-obsessed tracking. This is a perfectly normal, 3D starmap-obsessed tracking. Chris Laurel's CELESTIA is a 3D space simulator for Windows, Linux and MacOS X. Zoom around the solar system, lock step with planetary orbits, marvel at various NASA-sourced textures, go on time-accelerated jaunts to over 100,000 stars, play around with the built-in scripting language. Then install the MOSTLYHARMLESS extension, which contains a gravity and thruster simulation so you can orbit semi-realistically around Jupiter, thrust over to Abraham Lincoln space station above Earth, hyperspace off to Lave (Elite star systems included), prepare to battle Thargoids in... oh, I've blown it again, haven't I. http://www.shatters.net/celestia/ - set the Tools/Select menu to the heart of the Sun http://mostlyharmless.sourceforge.net/ - "To create a free Elite like space game based on Celestia." >> MEMEPOOL << ceci n'est pas une http://www.gagpipe.com/ http://www.popgossip.fsnet.co.uk/mainpage.html vs THE ONION's http://www.theonion.com/archive/archive_harvey.html (or indeed http://www.bazing.co.uk/index.php?page=article&id=53 )... ANOTHER.COM reveals its unsuspected Republican sympathies: http://www.another.com/domain_wizard.jsp?searchString=fart ... tackling the tricky matter of involuntary FPS sexual arousal: http://www.misterstick.com/aboutmusic/cs.shtml ... where wasting resources isn't just encouraged - it's compulsory!: http://www.uswaternews.com/archives/arcsupply/2somhom6.html ... hate to see what their non-simplified ordering looks like: http://www-3.ibm.com/ibm/easy/eou_ext.nsf/Publish/2174 ... BBC now recruiting graphic artists from http://b3ta.com/ forums: www.bbc.co.uk/news/media/images/38087000/jpg/_38087323_becks_owen_prayer.jpg ... MARKOV the beast: http://www.fourteenminutes.com/fun/words/ , http://www.sincity.com/penn-n-teller/pcc/shaney.html ... real space cadets, the BLUNKETTS: http://qwer.org/020621blunk.html ... >> GEEK MEDIA << get out less TV>> "Are telephone polls a rip off? Call 0900 1447705 for 'yes', 0900 1447706 for 'no'" requests the reality-programme special of rebranded-Right-2-Reply THINK TV (7.30pm, Fri, C4)... Debbie Reynolds returns for an extra-camp edition of WILL AND GRACE (9.30pm, Fri, C4)... and tonight's late-night arthouse three-way sees Marilyn Monroe explaining relativity to Albert Einstein in INSIGNIFICANCE (12.20am, Fri, BBC2), John Malkovich discovering it's no holiday in Cambodia in THE KILLING FIELDS (2.20am, Fri, C4), and the reassuringly unambiguously titled DARKMAN III: DIE DARKMAN DIE (12.15am, Fri, BBC1) - a sequel-naming trend which never quite caught on: "Jean de Florette II: Die Jean de Florette Die"... C4 investigates THE CURIOUS CASE OF INSPECTOR CLOUSEAU (6.50pm, Sat, C4), hopefully touching on how films like THE PINK PANTHER (7.55pm, Sat, C4) could once have been hailed as comic masterpieces, yet are now basically unwatchable... Sarah Michelle Gellar and Jack Black host, but the skits and offbeat live numbers remain the highlights of the MTV MOVIE AWARDS (2.40pm, Sun, C4)... rappers Ice T and Coolio go toe-to-toe with an earth-threatening asteroid on JUDGEMENT DAY (9pm, Sun, C5)... and the "Xenon 2: Megablast" theme is still the best bit of John Carpenter's ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13 (11.30pm, Sun, BBC1)... STRIP NOTES (12.10am, Sun, C4) is an added-nudity electronic press kit for Daryl Hannah's "Dancing At The Blue Iguana" movie - of which more later... TJ Hooker cedes C5's prestigious weekday morning slot to MAGNUM PI (11am, Mon-Fri, C5)... Rutger Hauer's BONE DADDY (9pm, Mon, C5) gets its now- annual outing - last shown June 2001 and June 2000... and A THOUSAND ACRES (12.10am, Mon, C4) is basically King Lear, on a farm... the best movies continue getting shunted off to the early hours - YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN (1.45am, Tue, C4), REVENGE OF THE NERDS (3.35am, Tue, C4) - leaving primetime to tame Jennifer Aniston gay "Friends" dilemmas like THE OBJECT OF MY AFFECTION (9pm, Thu, ITV), and A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 2: FREDDY'S REVENGE (10.05pm, Wed, C5) - preceded just the other week by "Nightmare On Elm Street 3: Die Nightmare on Elm Street Die"... SECRET HISTORY: MAGIC AT WAR (9pm, Thu, C4) appears to cover the work of WW2 illusionist Jasper Maskelyne instead of actual weapons-grade witchcraft... but still ought to be an improvement over the famously disappointing GODFATHER III: DIE GODFATHER DIE (9pm, Thu, C5)... FILM>> so it doesn't actually have any of the "Friends" cast in it, but in every other respect it might just as well have been called "The One Where Phoebe Tries Dating Women" rather than the somewhat less self-explanatory KISSING JESSICA STEIN ( http://www.screenit.com/movies/2002/kissing_jessica_stein.html : a miscellaneous character shows some cleavage; it's possible the film could encourage some women on the fence to experiment with lesbianism)... otherwise - with the possible exception of Keanu Reeves/Diane Lane inner-city Little League feelgooder HARDBALL ( http://www.capalert.com/capreports/hardball.htm : toilet comment with anatomical reference; vulgar rap music in background) - it's a week of fairly cheap thrills, thanks to rumoured Heather Graham/ Natascha McElhone nudity in cheesy London-set erotic thriller KILLING ME SOFTLY (imdb: based-on- novel/ bondage/ sexual-obsession/ cover-up/ dangerous-love/ desire/ dominance-submissiveness/ domination/ duplicity/ masochism/ mountaineer/ murder-mystery/ obsession/ obsessive- love/ sabotage/ sadism/ sadomasochism/ sex-game)... or plenty of the real thing in the partly-improvised remake of Demi Moore's appalling "Striptease", DANCING AT THE BLUE IGUANA ( http://www.cndb.com/movie.html?title=Dancing+at+the+Blue+Iguana : Daryl [Hannah] may have a boy's name, but she has no boy's body; [Jennifer Tilly] exposes both her breasts and comedic talent in a few scenes)... CONFECTIONERY THEORY>> "The packet says 'fruit-shaped gums' rather than 'fruit-flavour gums'. And well it might, because if you're looking for flavour you'd be better off chewing bacon fat", reports STUART CAMPBELL of ROWNTREES FRUIT RUSH (30p/bag), part of a hail of invective which also takes in KP TICKLE PICKLE "PUFF MELT" SKIPS - "bigger and lighter than normal Skips, which makes them a bit chewy, as if they were past their sell-by date. Taste mostly of air" - and BUZZ BOLT "CRUNCH MELT" BACON FLAVOUR SKIPS - "slightly harder and crunchier [...] taste like the long-forgotten Rancheros"... but Stuart, like so many of you, saved his sternest criticism for this month's ultimate Taste Abomination, DIET COKE LEMON: "0:01 - Mm, it's Coke, but with a fresh lemony twist!", he timelines. "0:04 - ACK! It's *Diet* Coke with a fresh lemony twist. Blergh". "Really, really disgusting", agreed LAURENCE FILLMORE, "like fizzy lemon juice with a twist of Coke", while both PHIL WHITE and DAN BURGESS compared it to "Pledge" lemon- scented furniture polish - though Dan found it "less repulsive" after drinking 12 cans in one evening (he had "bought it on sale and refused to throw it away"). We assume he's still talking about Diet Coke Lemon rather than Pledge Furniture Polish but, if not, maybe he's onto something... there was a more even-handed response to the summer's other new snacks: "KFC's new 'Pocket' is a (more portable) variant on the Twister", related EDWARD AVIS, going on to describe its sour "Caesar dressing" which "makes it taste like sick - even coming with authentic square chunky bits which turned out to be 'croutons'. I ate it anyway". And we actually quite enjoyed the acidic tang of HULA HOOP SHOKS (48p per Borg-style cube), despite - or perhaps because of - reader DAVE EVANS' protestations that they're "the worst tasting things you have put in your mouth in a long time [...] The Sauce flavour tasted like burnt Chinese food" - and that appeared to be his favourite of the three... but Snack-Spotter Of The Month was CHRIS HEATHCOTE, who found the following South African imports in his local corner shop: SMARTIES IN MILKYBAR CHOCOLATE (49p, "intense excitement at all the colours in the white bar"), and MILKYBAR JELLY TOTS (also 49p, "an unreal texture explosion, with a few scary moments, and intense tot juiciness combine to make the most palatable Milkybar yet"). And totally different to the US standard MILKYBAR: MILK AND COOKIES variant as well: http://www.cybercandy.co.uk/search/indprod.php?xlc=622 . As ever, we await your reactions to: ROWNTREE'S FRUITSOME CEREAL BARS, MASTERFOODS' CRISPY M&MS and, long held by this column to be the "Holy Grail" of dairy produce, WHITE SODA CARBONATED MILK: http://www.bevnet.com/reviews/whitesoda/ ... >> SMALL PRINT << Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent. Registered at the Post Office as "klogmuters and krechtsers" http://cheerleader.yoz.com/archives/000019.html#000019 NEED TO KNOW THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK. Archive - http://www.ntk.net/ Unsubscribe? Mail ntknow-unsubscribe@lists.ntk.net Subscribe? Mail ntknow-subscribe@lists.ntk.net NTK now is supported by UNFORTU.NET, and by you: http://www.geekstyle.co.uk/ (K) 2002 Special Projects. 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