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  • NTK 2007
  • NTK 2006
  • NTK 2005
  • NTK 2004
  • NTK 2003
  • 2002-12-27
    MiniNTK #18
    Question Me!
  • 2002-12-20
    #271
    Seasonal Humbug
  • 2002-12-13
    #270
    Fear and Ignorance. Ignorance and Fear. Those are our watchwords.
  • 2002-12-06
    #269
    Lies, USENET lies, and government consultation periods
  • 2002-11-29
    #268
    thanks, but no thanks
  • 2002-11-22
    #267
    letters to the government, packets to the people
  • 2002-11-15
    #266
    changing our underwear, updating our risumis
  • 2002-11-08
    #265
    uk.gone, digital rag and bone, dance dance implementation
  • 2002-11-01
    #264
    Old Media Cheek, Currently Residing in The Event Queue File
  • 2002-10-25
    #263
    Hilary's term at Oxford
  • 2002-10-18
    #262
    the meetings will continue until morale improves
  • 2002-10-11
    #261
    zer0 day b33b and the Sinclair Brothers
  • 2002-10-04
    #260
    Google shark-jumping?, Perl and Cocoa
  • 2002-09-27
    #259
    Children of the Banned, Party poop
  • 2002-09-20
    #258
    LibDems, KidPr0n, DVDSync
  • 2002-09-13
    #257
    The claims of Acclaim, Perl world tour
  • 2002-09-06
    #256
    Cons and conmen, HARRIXOS will never die!
  • 2002-08-30
    #255
    Earth invasion postponed.
  • 2002-08-23
    #254
    EUCD2, Bayes Watch, PlayStation "cool"
  • 2002-08-16
    MiniNTK #18
    Summertime Squeak Special - in Dolby
  • 2002-08-09
    #253
    EUCD UK, Defcon Upshots, another W3C compliance test to fail
  • 2002-08-02
    #252
    Summertime Surveillance, No Orgasms for Kevin
  • 2002-07-26
    #251
    Movement down the Redbus, Sexy Torrents of Bits, No *I'm* Ploticus
  • 2002-07-19
    #250
    Back in the former USSR, Charlie the Angry Drunken Satirist, 8 bits enter a room 1K leaves
  • 2002-07-12
    #249
    Do y*u Y*h**?, Edge vs NTK vs KLF vs Johnny Ball
  • 2002-07-05
    #248
    man perlbeg, googlebucks, be the gipper of fipr
  • 2002-06-28
    #247
    careless talk, lies at the palladium, checking lilo status
  • 2002-06-21
    #246
    RIPA, mate; ooh UKUUG; and fizzy milk
  • 2002-06-14
    #246
    post-XCOM letdown, BBCing you, socat sogood
  • 2002-06-07
    MiniNTK #17
    a word from our sponsors
  • 2002-05-31
    #245
    Demons of the past, Extreme Pleading
  • 2002-05-24
    #244
    Phone bridge of sighs, but Outlook is rosy at last
  • 2002-05-17
    #243
    All Cons, No Pros
  • 2002-05-10
    #242
    Grammy Boots, Perl To Python, Emerging Conferences
  • 2002-05-03
    #241
    Everyone dress up as monkeys and run for mayor. Pass it on.
  • 2002-04-26
    #240
    CDR, EUCD, DPA, 1475!
  • 2002-04-19
    #239
    No^H^H Yes Minister, Computers Freedom Privacy, For Fsck's Sake
  • 2002-04-12
    #238
    invisible nets, unrecognised countries, zen differentials
  • 2002-04-05
    #237
    Going CYC-O, audioshopping, doubleplus unconvention
  • 2002-03-29
    MiniNTK #16
    Happy Mozday!
  • 2002-03-22
    #236
    Bad BT, Bad PPP, Bad BBC!
  • 2002-03-15
    #235
    Murdoch (probably) owns you, silly billing, haiku-fu
  • 2002-03-08
    #234
    Liberty requires eternal ebullience, love and reality both bite
  • 2002-03-01
    #233
    Grammy sucks eggs, Dead Men Posting, and get well soon Rob
  • 2002-02-22
    #232
    Codecon, Funky Dredds and "Life" is the name of the game
  • 2002-02-15
    #231
    goth bands, froups banned, bitmap of the heart
  • 2002-02-08
    #230
    Takedown's a bitch, creme egg *cones*?
  • 2002-02-01
    #229
    Booby prizes, dorkbot and dillo
  • 2002-01-25
    #228
    BBC basics, Ms Tron, more of .me
  • 2002-01-18
    #227
    It's always about .me, isn't it?
  • 2002-01-11
    #226
    Big Marc, Little Marc, Gopher broke, and get whitey chocolate
  • 2002-01-04
    MiniNTK #15
    "Happy New Warez" porn link round-up
  • NTK 2001
  • NTK 2000
  • NTK 1999
  • NTK 1998
  • NTK 1997
  • HARD NEWS
  • ANTI-NEWS
  • EVENT QUEUE
  • TRACKING
  • MEMEPOOL
  • GEEK MEDIA
  • SMALL PRINT
 _   _ _____ _  __ <*the* weekly high-tech sarcastic update for the uk>
| \ | |_   _| |/ / _ __   __2002-03-08_ o join! mail an empty message to
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|_| \_| |_| |_|\_\|_| |_|\___/ \_/\_/   o     http://www.ntk.net/


        "Microsoft has built a FreeBSD version of Linux, but this is
         more of a publicity gig than a serious endeavour..."
                 http://www.cw360.com/article&rd=&i=&ard=110220&fv=1
       ...still, that's what we'd hoped about their DOS version of CP/M


                                >> HARD NEWS <<
                                delicate truce

         To the BIG BROTHER AWARDS: traditionally a bit of a friendly
         get-together for those who fight for personal privacy while
         desperately attempting to get "monitored" by the press doing
         so. This year, however, saw a bit of extremist entryism -
         principally in the form of those chubby young men in their
         uncomfortable suits, the Orthodox Libertarians. And, on
         discovering that everyone else wasn't quite the government
         lickspittles the pamphlets implied, how pleased they were!
         Seeing both Mark Thomas and the Telegraph editorial team
         join forces to protest the government's recent invasive
         policies, they fell to their knees and thanked the gods of
         Critical Rationality that everyone had promptly united
         behind the libertarian cause. "Could they possibly come to
         any conclusion other than the ownership of self and the
         sovereignty of the individual?", marvelled the Libertarian
         Alliance's David Carr looking with new eyes upon those who
         he had previously dismissed as "wall-to-wall dreadlocks".
         Well, we'd have asked them all down the pub after the
         ceremony, but what with David Shayler getting pied by a
         bunch of anarchists and someone else throwing a pint over
         the Telegraph's Deputy Ed, it was a little tricky to ask how
         they'd all managed to put aside their differences. Still,
         nice to see those unidealistic libertarians as grounded in
         the real world as ever.
         http://www.privacyinternational.org/bigbrother/uk2002/
                               - usual suspects sweep the board again
  http://samizdata.blogspot.com/?/2002_03_03_samizdata_archive.html#10429119
                                       - same blogs, different planet

         "I wonder if the average NTK reader thinks as highly of
         .name as I do?", writes - well, somebody. Putting aside the
         truth that there are no "average" readers, only less extreme
         outliers, we certainly believe that they do. It is, after
         all, a silly domain. Any single-issue TLD is going to get
         trashed sooner or later, unless they're really careful with
         the nominees. And so desperate are all the registrars to
         make a buck, that just isn't going to happen. And, as if to
         prove us right, the Hithertofore Nameless One continues:
         "Well, I've registered a .name which I felt conveyed my
         feelings. If anyone wants to share and have their own free
         subdomain under bork.bork.bork.name, they can", says the
         subscriber, who we'll call Judge Bork, "provided they a)
         email hostmaster@bork.bork.bork.name with their nameserver
         IP numbers and subdomain request and b) it's amusing
         enough". So there you are. Pollute the namespace: It'll
         annoy Esther Dyson, and make Vernor Vinge's "True Names"
         look a bit silly (although we still believe Mr Vinge was
         predicting IRC 'nicks', not the global DNS framework)._
         http://www.almac.co.uk/chef/chef/chef.html
                                  - the Instant Chef ... it's borken!
         http://www.icannwatch.org/
                                                 - still naming names


                                >> ANTI-NEWS <<
                             berating the obvious

         modern music all sounds the same, admits MINISTRY OF SOUND:
       http://www.ministryofsound.com/radio/features/mix_template.asp
         ... bad typo: http://www.ntk.net/2002/03/08/dohwop.gif ...
         makes you wonder where they're going to "stick" the modem:
         http://www.ntk.net/2002/03/08/dohblue.jpg ... case of missing
         EUROs: http://www.ntk.net/2002/03/08/dohmoto.gif ... revving
         nearly 1000 hits per day: http://www.suziperry.com/stats/ ...
         crimes of the future: http://www.grandprix.com/ns/ns05861.html
         ... book well in advance for gigs by TEST in the year 2099:
         http://www.wayahead.com/dotmusicmaj/price.asp?code=65000 ...
         "Long Lead Time Expected" for ever-popular EMPTY PACKAGING:
     http://www.dabs.com/products/prod-info3-info.asp?&m=y&quicklinx=B6P
         ... or display it to the whole Internet, whichever you prefer:
     http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=%22please+delete+this+slide%22
         ... true banners: http://www.ntk.net/2002/03/08/dohlies.gif
         ... hugely reassuring choice of database engine from ORACLE:
         http://www.ntk.net/2002/03/08/dohoracl.gif ... experience in
      frickin' FLASH preferred: http://www.ntk.net/2002/03/08/dohcock.gif


                               >> EVENT QUEUE <<
                         goto's considered non-harmful

         At time of writing, there are 893 events that have declared
         themselves part of NATIONAL SCIENCE WEEK (from today Fri 2002-
         03-08, various venues around the UK), from "How To Find A
         Water Vole" (The Ivel Valley Countryside Project, Biggleswade)
         to "Every Tree Tells A Story" (Odell Country Park, Harrold,
         Bedfordshire). The listings for rival digital arts festival
         LOVEBYTES 2002 (from Thu 2002-03-14, various venues around
         Sheffield) are, if anything, even more exciting, with a
         performance by Robin "Scanner" Rimbaud, that Linklater
         rotoscope movie, Star Wars parody films - and NTK's very own
         DIY web-publishing workshop, currently scheduled for 6pm at
         the Redundant Technology Initiative's "Access Space" HQ on Fri
         2002-03-15. But we're not listed on the Lovebytes site at the
         moment - 'cos we like to keep it underground, and don't want
         to play that corporate game with the likes of Lego and Apple.
         http://www.lovebytes.org.uk/2002/
                                      - vs http://access.lowtech.org/
         http://www.the-ba.net/the-ba/page.asp?selectPage=193
                - no less than 3 science-oriented Mother's Day events
     http://www.tate.org.uk/modern/programmes/webcasting/surveillance.htm
       - sensors detect Duncan "Zircon" Campbell tomorrow at the Tate


                                >> TRACKING <<
               sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering

         You've read his blistering indictment of a world imprisoned
         by universal surveillance - now buy the contacts manager to
         rule it! Simson Garfinkel, author of dystopian non-fic
         "Database Nation", exemplary risks journalist and ex-NeXT
         hacker, is sneakily previewing the next incarnation of his
         decade-old address book applet SBOOK - now up to version 5,
         and ported via metempsychosis to the Mac OS X platform. It's
         a sweet little program which looks innocently like one of
         those freeform cardfile databases, but hides terrifying
         "proprietary search techniques" and sinister "artificial
         intelligence" to allow speedier monitoring of all your
         victim's names and addresses. Have a file on everyone! Dial
         their number using the internal modem! Send them blackmail
         letters using the "print envelope" functionality!
         http://www.sbook5.com/
               - no relation to S Book 7, the teenage literary circle
         http://www.simson.net/sbook/92.4.Winter.BarlowLavin.html#SBook
                  - still think it should have been called DataFinkel


                                >> MEMEPOOL <<
                ceci n'est pas une http://www.gagpipe.com/

         ELECTRONIC TAGGING of lager-swilling troublemakers begins at
         last: http://www.ananova.com/yournews/story/sm_538560.html ...
         MS unwittingly hothousing next generation of macro virus
         writers: http://www.microsoft.com/uk/visualstudio/terrarium/
         ... once you've popped one wireless network, you can't stop:
     http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/sci/tech/newsid_1860000/1860241.stm
         ... alternative explanation of how he got that "DIZZY"
         nickname: http://www.monkeon.co.uk/gallery/html/1c.html ...
         http://www.people.fas.harvard.edu/~dgreenf/lesson2.html ...
         ... "it gets so lonely here in space", rambles ROCKET MAN:
         http://www.spacedaily.com/news/oped-02b.html ... former BORG
         DRONES reunited?: http://www.globe-guardian.com/borg.htm ...
         scarier than http://web.mit.edu/aram/Public/godkills.jpg :
       http://www.claancy.net/index.php?area=lunacy&showcat=Domo%20Kun
         ... hmm, maybe "cocking Action Script" is somehow to blame:
     http://www.macromedia.com/support/flash/ts/documents/crushinghead.htm
        "Happy Valentine's Day from Potty Bear Goes Poopy": 
         http://www.pottybear.com/ ...


                                >> GEEK MEDIA <<
                                  get out less

         TV>> and who'd have thought it'd be Winona Ryder whose career
         hit the skids out of the cast of Ben Stiller Gen-X classic
         REALITY BITES? (1.05am, Fri, BBC2)... Orson Welles double-bill
         CITIZEN KANE (1.40pm, Sat, BBC2) and THE MAGNIFICENT AMBERSONS
         (3.35pm, Sat, BBC2) collides with THE HINDENBURG (3pm, Sat,
         ITV): http://www.theonion.com/onion3209/hindenbergguy.html ...
         and a weekend of interesting but flawed movies continues with
         Kevin Bacon worm battler TREMORS (11.25pm, Sat, BBC1); Gina
         "Brass Eye" McKee London drama WONDERLAND (10.20pm, Sat, BBC2)
         - apparently features a character who works in Micro Anvika on
         Tottenham Court Road; Kevin Costner baseball bash BULL DURHAM
         (12midnight, Sat, ITV); and Terry Gilliam's semi-bearded Robin
         Williams fantasy THE FISHER KING (10.55pm, Sat, C5)... that
         bloke out of "Coupling" joins Samantha "Game On" Janus in
         spooky Buffy-spinoff-spoiler STRANGE (9pm, Sat, BBC1)... for
         all you Paul Auster fans, SMOKE (12.45am, Sat, BBC2) is way
         better than improvised "companion piece" BLUE IN THE FACE
         (12.40am, Sun, BBC2), as hinted by the latter's casting of
         Roseanne Barr and Madonna... and there's an impromptu tribute
         to the late Charlotte Coleman in posh Brit self-stereotyping
         exercise FOUR WEDDINGS AND A FUNERAL (10pm, Sun, C4) plus
         asylum-seeker comedy BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE (12.30am, Mon, C4)... C4
         marks science week by demonstrating key principles on a budget
         of just UKP25 in UKP25=MC^2 (7.55pm, Mon-Thu, C4), presumably
         as a bizarre protest against grant cuts for pure research...
         after last week's "Disco" episode, the BBC bafflingly seems to
         be remaking all of C4's "Top Ten" music shows with WHEN ROCK
         RULED THE WORLD (10.35pm, Wed, BBC1)... so thank heavens you
         can always rely on Channel 5, this week showing Bill Murray
         golfing goof-off CADDYSHACK (9pm, Mon, C5), Kim "Sex And The
         City" Cattrall chase-em-up BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA (9pm,
         Tue, C5), and parallel-reality Nazi thriller FATHERLAND (9pm,
         Thu, C5), starring - who else? - Rutger Hauer...

         FILM>> continuing the intriguing trend of US soldiers "just
         happening" to find themselves in impossible situations then
         having to bravely fight their way out, Mel Gibson discovers
         further practical flaws in that "leave no (dead) man behind"
         attitude in 'Nam-set "Black Hawk Down"-alike WE WERE SOLDIERS
         ( http://www.screenit.com/movies/2002/we_were_soldiers.html :
         people who are shot have blood squirt out and/or are bloody;
         [Gibson] and others urinate on hot mortar equipment to cool it
         off; we see a bad looking blister on one of the men's feet)...
         while Anthony Hopkins ditches Stephen King's "Dark Tower"
         continuity for a more conventional tale of smalltown coming-
         of-age "Tomorrow People"-style telepathy in HEARTS IN ATLANTIS
         ( http://www.capalert.com/capreports/heartsinatlantis.htm :
         sneaking out of house by a child; sexual humor to a child; sin
         of "filthy communication"; beating with a bat)...

         DRESS DOWN FRIDAY>> we're as surprised as anyone, but PayPal
         has caved to our thinly-veiled threats of NTK 2002-01-25, and
         non-US citizens can now buy a http://www.ntkmart.com/ t-shirt
         on their credit cards without having to sign up for a full
         PayPal account. Prices are still in dollars (hey, it's good
         practice for converting everything into Euros) - and thanks to
         everyone who alerted us to http://www.paypalsucks.com/ and the
         like, which appear to primarily document the claims of users
         who naively allowed thousands of dollars to accumulate in
         their PayPal accounts. Our tip: don't do that then... new this
         month is the "404 /SHIRT/TIE: NOT FOUND" design submitted by
         reader CAMILO MESIAS back in NTK 2001-12-07, and a (slightly)
         less sexist variation of DAVID J BODYCOMBE's "Hi-Score Table"
         idea http://www.geekstyle.co.uk/images/hiscoresf.gif which has
         been kicking around since NTK 2001-08-24. Both receive at
         least UKP2 per shirt sold (Bodycombe quite a bit more in fact
         because he funded this new design from royalties from the
         "Encoded" one which he co-designed and which will be back in
         stock real soon now)... the latest runners-up include PAUL
         COOPER's "IANAL" (prone to misinterpretation), JEREMY ARDLEY's
         "b4 i gt my pHn / i cdnt evN Spll / DslXc Mrn / nw IR1" (a bit
         harsh towards dyslexics, we felt), PAUL RANDALL's copyright-
         infringing http://www.darkwave.org.uk/~gribbley/gauntlet.txt ,
         and MATT "Yahoo Serious" JONES' proposed series of footballing
         physicists: http://www.blackbeltjones.com/sagan_shirt.gif and
         http://www.blackbeltjones.com/feynman_shirt.gif (we don't do
         these kinds of shirts yet, but when we do)... though we were
         quite tempted by JAMES SWIFT's currently embryonic suggestions
         of http://www.geekstyle.co.uk/images/jamesswift1.gif and
         http://www.geekstyle.co.uk/images/jamesswift2.gif - the second
         might go quite nicely with a "Fly al-Qaeda" slogan if anyone
         out there is any good at designing fake airline logos. And
         we'd still like to see some parodies of the classic Designer's
         Republic "look": http://www.thepeoplesbureau.com/ - rather
         than, say, IAN STUART's elaborate spoofs of our current range:
         http://vlucas2.ucs.ed.ac.uk/roverspotting.800x600x300.png ...
         not much action at the moment in the parallel "Buy One,
         Subvert The Mass Media, Get One Free" competition, as NTK's
         own Dave Green continues to plough his own lonely digital-TV
         furrow: http://www.geekstyle.co.uk/images/ , although ALASTAIR
         ALEXANDER did spot someone in an "I Got 80million" shirt at a
         recent London Fetish Fair, but was unable to supply evidence
         as, kinkily, "cameras aren't allowed" - so we may never know
         if its cheery orange schadenfreude now forms an essential part
         of any modern gimp costume...


                               >> SMALL PRINT <<

       Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
         happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
       on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
     nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
                       Registered at the Post Office as
                             "superb", apparently
         http://www.base58.com/booms/archives/2002_03_03_archive.html

                                 NEED TO KNOW
            THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK.
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  • HARD NEWS
  • ANTI-NEWS
  • EVENT QUEUE
  • TRACKING
  • MEMEPOOL
  • GEEK MEDIA
  • SMALL PRINT