_   _ _____ _  __ <*the* weekly high-tech sarcastic update for the uk>
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        "What has caused the terrorist attack today in Turkey is not 
         the President of the United States, is not the alliance 
         between America and Britain. What is responsible for that 
         terrorist attack is terrorism..."
       - Tony Blair puts his finger on what's really going on the world
      http://politics.guardian.co.uk/iraq/story/0,12956,1089630,00.html
         ...furthermore, it is precisely because we fear that which we 
                                       fear - that we are afraid of it


                               >> HARD NEWS <<
                              summarily removed 

         Remember the good old days, when you and your transhumanist
         mates could amicably disagree on such pressing topics as the
         name of your crypto-currency, the ocean your data haven
         nano-atoll would float on, and whether or not you'd let your
         other post-singularity instantiations join a hive-mind?
         These days, that precious techno-consensus has shattered.
         Brother against brother, Stross against Raymond; people
         don't even agree which Political Compass quiz to take any
         more. We're still trying to map out this new reality (so
         much more tedious than the new realities we thought we'd
         have by now). But an announcement this week seemed to peg
         out the scale a little for us: the techno-libertarian Cato
         Institute arguing with techno-socialist Bill Thompson over
         whether Google should be a public utility. As diverse a
         viewpoint as you could muster, and just as realistic a
         discussion as those "what colour will you dye your solar
         system" chats we had all those years ago. Meanwhile, in an
         attempt to be non-partisan, we've accepted a 1UKP bribe from 
         an anonymous NTK subscriber to "lay off Bill" for a bit - 
         see: interventionism *and* the free market, together at last!
         http://www.cato.org/tech/tk/031114-tk.html
                                     - there, the best of both worlds
         http://politics.beasts.org/
                               - Which Cartesian Co-Ordinate Are You?

         First off, apologies to subscribers whose NTK was spam-trapped 
         a couple of weeks ago for inadvertently including a open proxy 
         IP address buried in the Received: header. We've realised how 
         to stop that: we don't have such an easy solution for anyone 
         who works at Channel4, whose corporate gateway blocked last 
         week's issue for being "of a pornographic nature", possibly 
         due to the inclusion of some of the channel's own TV listings. 
         If SAM KINGTON can read this at all, it's probably via our RSS 
         feed, after his SpamSieve installation achieved an superhuman 
         level of Bayesian sentience and rejected NTK 2003-08-08 for 
         its gratuitous use of such giveaways as "organised", "mitnick", 
         "mercy", "preceded", "erotic", "non-" and (apparently) "3210". 
         But even he should consider himself lucky that he doesn't work 
         at HITACHI DATA SYSTEMS, who hinted at their strict definition 
         of work-related mail by remarking "Your message failed to pass 
         Hitachi Data Systems content filtering system", in response to 
         our "Welcome to the NTKnow mailing list" Mailman confirmation 
         greeting.
         http://www.hexkey.co.uk/lee/log/2003/11/08/#1068321120
                          - our spam correspondent has the full story
         http://www.ntk.net/rss.php
                               - aka the poor man's rich site summary


                                >> ANTI-NEWS <<
                             berating the obvious

         bloody outer-space property developers have sold off all the 
         moon: http://www.ntk.net/2003/11/21/dohmoon.gif ... or visit 
         our Mars branch: http://www.ntk.net/2003/11/21/doh40m.gif ... 
         quite a commute, so need typists that can travel at 9 times 
         speed of sound: http://www.ntk.net/2003/11/21/dohtype.gif ... 
         powered by a 300 megawatt wristwatch (gets through lots of 
         batteries though): http://www.ntk.net/2003/11/21/dohmega.gif 
         ... http://www.kelkoo.co.uk/b/a/ss_Honda_lawnmowers.html ... 
         double-URLtendres of the fortnight: http://www.mp3shits.com/ , 
         http://www.mattressex.co.uk/ , http://www.atitproductions.com/ ,
         www.nutrend.co.uk , http://www.cts-group.co.uk/coprofile.htm , 
         http://www.blackfriarswinebar.co.uk ... when testdata attacks: 
         http://dogbert.abebooks.com/servlet/BookDetailsPL?bi=14107508 ,
         http://dogbert.abebooks.com/servlet/BookDetailsPL?bi=101203338
         ...Comdex 2003 at the Las Vegas Convention Center welcomes BRIAN: 
         http://www.ntk.net/2003/11/21/dohbrian.gif ... infinite monkeys 
         making real progress: http://www.ntk.net/2003/11/21/dohape.gif


                               >> EVENT QUEUE <<
                         goto's considered non-harmful

         (Just to settle this whole "goto's" apostrophe business once 
         and for all, reader TOM DOLAN helpfully chips in to suggest 
         "Couldn't you just pretend it's a contraction of 'goto is'?" 
         To be honest, Tom, we're currently looking to whether the 
         plural of "goto" should in fact be "goes to", just as it 
         should technically be "passers-by", "Whoppers Junior" and 
         "Burgers King".) Anyway, we're sure someone will be able to 
         explain the correct pluralisation to you at next Tuesday's 
         open-to-the-public "introduction to Linux and free software" 
         MENSA LECTURE (7pm, Tue 2003-11-25, Dover Castle pub, London 
         W1G, UKP4.50 inc "1 drink from bar"). It's delivered by NTK 
         reader, Linux Magazine contributor (and Lead Programmer on 
         Gamecube "Die Hard Vendetta"?) STEVEN GOODWIN, with the 
         intriguing title "Why My Friends And I Re-Invented The Wheel. 
         Again" (and not, as we'd hoped, "You Don't Have To Self-
         Identify As Having A Genius-Level IQ To Successfully Install 
         Linux Nowadays - But It Helps"). 
         http://www.bluedust.com/mensa/
                   - what's the plural of Mensas? Mentalists? Mensae? 
         http://www.doolin.com/events.html
                            - doh: same day as Ronan's Irish RSS talk
         http://www.buynothingday.co.uk/
         - next Saturday: Adbusters-instigated anti-consumer activism
         http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ukbloggers-social/message/723
            - doh: same day as Funjunkie's Christmas London blog bash


                                >> TRACKING <<
               sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering

         There are many TLA to TLA convertor utilities, but none so
         perversely useful as VNC2SWF. This blob of super-glue for
         Linux intercepts the remote display protocol VNC and
         converts it into a Macromedia Flash animation - an instant
         Webbable replay of every repaint, every mouse twitch on a 
         screen. It's the obligatory Sourceforge screenshot of the
         future! VNC2SWF isn't perfect - some screen recordings 
         confused both the legit Flash plugin and the GPL'd clone. 
         And while VNC2SWF is cool, wouldn't a full VNC client 
         serving out of a Flash file be even cooler?
         http://www.unixuser.org/~euske/vnc2swf/
                            - Flash. cool. what has *happened* to us?


                                >> MEMEPOOL <<
                contains a source of http://snackspot.org/

         sick of Firebox? http://www.seethru.co.uk/shop/cocoon/ , 
         www.gizmo-guru.com , www.buymethatnow.com/category87_1.htm ... 
         http://www.groovymother.com/archives/2003/11/12/specchums.html 
         - eeurgh Miss, Begbie swapped POKES!... Pong at up to 8Mbps: 
         http://www.binatonebroadband.com/ ... Anton Maiden RIP: 
         http://www.waxy.org/archive/2003/11/09/anton_ma.shtml - his 
         idiosyncratic Iron Maiden-covering spirit kind of lives on: 
http://www.piccadillyrecords.com/ver2/search1.php?new=1&search=iron+maiden
         ... this week's all-too unfortunately inappropriate Google 
         text ad: http://www.ntk.net/2003/11/21/dohcrate.gif ... spam 
         taking that SpamAssassin "QUOTED_EMAIL_TEXT" test literally 
         [NSFW]: http://www.ntk.net/2003/11/21/dohquotes.txt ... truth 
         in hoardings: http://www.ntk.net/2003/11/21/dohrevolutio.jpg 
         ... how *all* the "top--sites.com" are describing themselves: 
         http://top--sites.com/update.htm?d=top--sites.com&e=w ... we 
         say - download it quick before they start rolling out IPv6: 
        http://blort.org/~kgasso/images/how-to-catch-script-kiddies.gif


                                >> GEEK MEDIA <<
                                  get out less

         TV>> 24 hours of DR WHO (7am-7pm, Sat & Sun, UK Gold) 
         commemorates the show's 40th anniversary, along with perhaps 
         the ultimate tribute - yet another spoof by the multitalented 
         "Dead Ringers" team as part of CHILDREN IN NEED (around 8pm, 
         Fri, BBC1) http://www.martian.fm/a_to_z.htm ... Jon Ronson 
         rediscovers Disney song Oscar-winner Randy Newman in THE ART 
         SHOW (7.30pm, Fri, C4)... while the popularity of SOUTH PARK 
         (12.25am, Fri, C4) just *proves* that the right is fighting 
         back against a media dominated by pesky big-business liberals: 
         http://www.city-journal.org/html/13_4_were_not_losing.html 
         ... Victor Lewis-Smith's Radiophonic Workshop hagiography 
         ALCHEMISTS OF SOUND (7pm, Sat, BBC4) gets a digital repeat, in 
         accordance with NTK prophecy... don't expect too savage a 
         critique of star-friendly mysticism in JERRY HALL'S GURUS 
         (8pm, Sun, BBC3)... as Piers "Who he?" Morgan ponders the 
         hollow, empty world of modern celebrity in THE IMPORTANCE OF 
         BEING FAMOUS (9pm, Tue, C4) - not to be confused with the more 
         literal parasites profiled in BODYSNATCHERS (9pm, Wed, BBC1) 
         ... more conventionally disturbing entertainment is available 
         in the form of Jan Svankmajer's overlong Czech-subtitled semi-
         animation LITTLE OTIK (12.40am, Mon, C4), online suicides 
         documentary CHATTING TO DEATH (10.40pm, Tue, C4), plus ex-
         dancer Lisa Bufano talking "about using the internet and other 
         media as forums for expressing herself sexually as an amputee" 
         in DESIRABILITY (11pm, Tue, BBC3) - though you don't get very 
         much if you Google for her name... oh, and in case you missed 
         any news coverage of the event, HORIZON (9pm, Thu, BBC2) muses 
         whether the recent breakup of the Columbia space shuttle may 
         have been caused by "damage to the wing" or something...
         
         FILM>> "When the planes hit the Twin Towers", says Hugh Grant 
         in the opening narration, "as far as I know, none of the phone 
         calls from the people on board were messages of hate or 
         revenge - they were all messages of love" - but only 'cos it 
         was way too early to text your friends to tell them to avoid 
         Richard Curtis' latest zany posh Brits nonsense LOVE ACTUALLY 
         ( http://www.screenit.com/movies/2003/love_actually.html : The 
         filmmaker wants [Joanna Page] to remove her top so that they 
         can see her nipples. She then complies)... everyone else seems 
         to be trying to avoid releasing anything at all the same week, 
         with the possible exception of Eurotrashy "xXx"-alike STEAL 
       ( http://www.cndb.com/movie.html?title=Riders+%28aka+Steal%29 :
         Natasha [Henstridge] supposedly engages in a scene with male 
         lead [Stephen] Dorff in a hot steam room around the 29 minute 
         mark, but it's so obviously a body double)... while James 
         Cameron may have wanted to make "Aileens", and Jean-Pierre 
         Jeunet "Aileen: Resurrection", but Nick Broomfield stood firm 
         and made his own limited-release sequel to "Aileen Wuornos: 
         The Selling of a Serial Killer", AILEEN: LIFE AND DEATH OF A 
         SERIAL KILLER ( http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0364930/ : If you 
         like this title, we also recommend... Lily Tomlin)... 
         
         AVAILABLE IN A WIDE RANGE OF BLACK>> yes, we did a T-shirt 
         round-up just the other month, but the post strike's over now 
         and we've got the Nochex payment system fully up and running, 
         so all you need is a valid UK debit card (Switch, Solo, Visa 
         Debit, Electron or Maestro) at http://www.ntkmart.com/ - and 
         you don't have to sign up for any fancy PayPal account or 
         anything! This month: you can declare that *your* chest is 
         "Not A Place Of Honor", that "No Highly Esteemed Deed, Rock 
         Concert, and/or Software Release" is commemorated there - and 
         that, furthermore, it is a "A Message And Part Of A System Of 
         Messages/ We Considered Ourselves To Be A Powerful Culture" 
         etc etc - with our adaptation of the popular "Expert Judgement 
         on Markers to Deter Inadvertent Human Intrusion into the Waste 
         Isolation Pilot Plant": http://downlode.org/etext/wipp/ ... or
         indicate your disdain for the current "heavy metal" revival 
         (like it ever went away!) with the "AD/HD" logo (surrounded by 
         "Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder/ World Tour 200... 
         - What Year Is It Again?"), or all those Hollings-Bill-style 
         proposals thanks to DUNCAN MARTIN's Ben Franklin tribute "They 
         That Can Give Up General Purpose Computers For The Sake Of A 
         Little Eye Candy Deserve Neither Computers Nor Eye Candy": 
         http://www.ntkmart.co.uk/ntkmart.cgi#Frank - which he sent in 
         about this time last year, but still gets a couple of quid 
         royalty from each one sold nevertheless... in more recent 
         entries: SAM PIKESLEY stood out from the pack with his "l33t" 
         pun http://www.pikesley.org/1337brigadetshirtdesign.html ; 
         WAYNE WILLIAMS sought to capitalise on the relative success of 
         his previous "l3m4r5" shirt with a selection of quirky follow-
         ups http://www.ntkmart.co.uk/images/wwilliams.jpg ; and ANDREW 
         WIFFEN sent in no less than 29 suggestions - sadly we can only 
         print the best: http://www.ntkmart.co.uk/images/awiffen.gif 
         ... it's been quieter in "Buy One, Subvert The Mass Media, Get 
         One Free" recently, though we've had reports of VIOLET BERLIN 
         wearing one while interviewing Matt "Little Britain" Lucas in 
         GAMEPAD 4 on Bravo http://www.whizzbang.tv/news.html , while 
         PAUL EDWARDS provided this year's traditional sighting of both 
         an "Adminspotting" and a "404" at this year's "Erotica UK" (as 
         per http://www.ntk.net/index.cgi?b=02002-03-08&l=258#l )... 
         which just leaves the winners announcement for the World's 
         Best and Worst Email Impersonations of Iain "Thumb Bandits" 
         Lee (see http://www.ntk.net/index.cgi?b=02003-08-29&l=291#l ) 
         - the former going to whoever mailed from a "scoshi" email 
         login explaining that "it's Japanese for 'The Eleven O'Clock 
         Show'" (it isn't, it's more like "small" or "little one" - but 
         we're not sure whether the real Iain Lee would know that 
         either), and the latter being the self-confessed "femalee" 
         lookalike GILLIAN KIRBY. We just need their addresses now to 
         send out their prizes, so if they could mail us again with the 
         subject line "I'm A Pretend Iain Lee Prize-Winner (Or Somebody 
         Pretending To Be One)"...
                  

                               >> SMALL PRINT <<

       Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
         happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
       on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
     nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
                       Registered at the Post Office as
                             "deeply ungenerous"
              http://www.crookedtimber.org/archives/000807.html              

                                 NEED TO KNOW
            THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK.
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