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        "Google's a very nice system, but compared to my vision, it's 
         pathetic..."
          - JIM ALLCHIN, VP in charge of MS Windows, has one of those 
         "if you could index the URLs I've seen with my eyes" moments
                         http://news.google.com/news?q=allchin+google


                                >> HARD NEWS <<
                            from the house of clues

         Time was when the music industry could just put any old
         rubbish in a press release and have the media and MPs parrot
         it verbatim the next day. That time, of course, was last
         week. This week, however, things are looking just a little 
         better. MPs debating the Communications Bill on Tuesday got 
         sidetracked into an almost honest discussion of "internet 
         piracy". With all the sleek coolness of dancefloor dads,
         they found themselves admitting to unauthorised home-taping
         in their crazy, reprobate past. And if you can plough
         through the high-larious puns on constituency names and
         reams of rote concern over our creative industries and the
         moral decline of youth, there's actually a faint whiff of
         clue hanging over the proceedings. They can't remember his
         name, but Jon Johansen is cited as the devisor of a Linux
         DVD reader. Micropayments are touted, "apocalyptic visions"
         are dismissed, the EUCD sceptically eyed. Now all we have to
         do is set them up an internal phpforum where they can
         fair-use photoshop each other's publicity photos, and then 
         they'll really start to understand.
         http://tinyurl.com/71fm
                  - listening to Showaddywaddy on their "iPod devices"
http://ukcdr.org/files/press-releases/20030307_debunking_the_piracy_myth.txt
                                 - still fighting the good info-fight

         POPBITCH are asking for money again - blimey, that UKP2500 
         they raised from their last server appeal (April 2001) didn't 
         last very long, did it? To be honest, we prefer this approach 
         to the alternative of trying to get readers to subscribe to 
         something with no guarantee of how long it'll keep going 
         (apparently the current business model for Salon), but most 
         people who go for a "tip jar" revenue stream at least try to 
         give some indication of where your money is going. You know: 
         bandwidth, unexpected credit card bills, breast enlargements, 
         that sort of thing. Popbitch has classified and banner ads, 
         high-class web hosting at a nuclear bunker, an "office" in 
         London's fashionable Farringdon, and a founder who is now 
         editor of EMAP's "The Face" magazine, just down the road in  
         EC1. But all they tell you for their new appeal is the vague  
         muttering that the site "needs money to continue". You know, 
         if they'd just say they needed a fancy showbiz lawyer to keep 
         them out of jail for another year, our cheque would already 
         be in the post.
         http://www.popbitch.com/appeal/
             - vs http://slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=03/02/23/1830217
         http://www.ntk.net/index.cgi?b=02001-04-20&l=231#l
          - and we never got to the bottom of this free hosting thing
         http://www.thefridaything.co.uk/comparison.shtml
                           - just wondering how b3ta would measure up 

         It's nice to see the BBC's new media wing make at least a
         partial show of publishing their license-funded research for
         the rest of the industry (who pay their license fees too -
         well, most of them). Like, for instance, their recent
         Accessibility study which took some hard-hitting looks at
         the BBC's own reach to those with disabilities or just
         really dumb terminals. It's actually quite a decent
         Nielsenesque overview of why every site should be accessible
         in a usefully pointy-headed prose. Stuff you've been trying
         to tell your boss for ages - like the evils of wanton
         javascript, Flash, colour schemes, and PDF files.
         Admittedly, the research is only meant for "suppliers" to
         the sprawling media duchy, not riff-raff looking to scam
         tips for their own shamefully commercial ventures - but hey,
         no-one's stopping you, right? Well, apart from the BBC
         themselves. The BBC put it all in PDF format. Gee, good 
         thing they're not expecting any disabled suppliers to help 
         out, isn't it?
         http://www.bbc.co.uk/commissioning/bbci/
 - you could pitch a show called "I'm a lynx user, get me out of here" 
   www.bbc.co.uk/commissioning/bbci/pdf/BBCi_Accessibility_Study_7-10-02.pdf
                                - those URLs could do with a trim too


                                >> ANTI-NEWS <<
                             berating the obvious

         NIKE UK's "Sweatshop" outlet located somewhere between Ipswich 
         and Birmingham: http://www.ntk.net/2003/03/07/dohnike.gif ... 
         419 not found: http://www.nigeriapolice.org/rights.html ... 
         for one week only, the return of PUERILE GOOGLE MISSPELLINGS: 
         http://www.google.com/search?q=%22earrings+per+share%22 , 
         "Rouge Trader", "Rouge Trooper", "Widows XP" plus - for you 
         classical scholars - "Res Pubica". Also, ill-timed snapshot 
         ahoy: http://www.google.com/search?q=dooyoo+pure ... make
         Georgia senators ANGRY about musical! Georgia senators SMASH!: 
       http://www.ledger-enquirer.com/mld/enquirer/news/opinion/5281218.htm
         ... standards of both literacy *and propriety* appear to be
         under threat: http://uk.news.yahoo.com/030303/80/dujmc.html 
         ... pick "Chelsea" as "Your Loved Team" to get SMS libel by
         phone: http://lifeanddeath.sportsmessage.co.uk/examples.shtml 
         ... learn all about how Tim Berners-Lee created the internet: 
       http://open-site.org/Computers/Internet/Programming/Languages/HTML/ 
         - then search for "." to get every article on the server... 
         give 'em an inch, and those pesky terrorists'll take 1000mm: 
         http://www.ready.gov/faq.html ... 


                               >> EVENT QUEUE <<
                         goto's considered non-harmful

         Due to immense public demand - and in accordance with NTK 
         prophecy - another date has been added to the nation-wide IG 
         NOBEL PRIZE TOUR (8pm next Fri 2003-03-14, Martin Wood Lecture 
         Theatre, Oxford, UKP1 for non-members of Science Soc), handily 
         coinciding with the election of a new University Chancellor 
         there (the Vice-Chancellor has ruled that "gowns need not be 
         worn" to either occasion, you'll be reassured to hear). Oxford 
         professor of fundamentalist-taunting RICHARD DAWKINS, oddly, 
         doesn't appear to be part of "National Science Week" [see last 
         NTK] when he delivers the first Douglas Adams Memorial Lecture 
         QUEERER THAN WE CAN SUPPOSE: THE STRANGENESS OF SCIENCE 
         (7:30pm, Tue 2003-03-11, the Royal Institution, London W1, 
         UKP15), with a raffle and auction in aid of endangered animal 
         charities Save The Rhino and The Dian Fossey Gorilla Fund. 
         And, as if to support at least the second part of Dawkins' 
         thesis, KEVIN WARWICK's tireless "I, Cyborg" roadshow forms 
         the post-AGM entertainment for the IEEE UKRI Section the 
         following day (6.45pm, Wed 2003-03-12, Royal Commonwealth 
         Society, London WC1, free) before, we understand, heading off 
         to give potentially unsuitable ideas to the research staff of 
         IBM Hursley (Thu March 2003-03-13).
         http://www.savetherhino.org./index.php?id=187
           - RD: "Apple Computer has lost its most eloquent apologist"
         http://www.ieee.org.uk/event.html#AGM
         - IBM event not open to public, and/or "bags of mostly water"
         http://users.ox.ac.uk/~science/details/ht03.html#Abrahams
                       - vs http://www.admin.ox.ac.uk/po/030124.shtml
         http://www.retrovision.org.uk/
              - this weekend: another retro-Yakfest, in an Oxford pub
         http://www.law.ed.ac.uk/ahrb/events/
                  - followed by an Edinburgh Uni lecture on copyright 


                                >> TRACKING <<
               sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering

         Rael Dornfest's blogging utility BLOSXOM is Perl code
         written as when the world was young, and Perl code had
         something to prove: two hundred lines of yogically back-bent
         hack designed to do one thing, and do it well. You have a
         directory. The text files in the directory are your blog
         entries, sorted by timestamp. Pop a few HTML templates in
         there, and Blosxom CGIs it all into a viewable page complete
         with permalinks and other blog miscellany. Now with the
         imminent arrival of BLOSXOM 2.0, the script has developed
         "look at me! I can put my whole fist in my mouth!"
         extensibility. The new Blosxom plugins API is just a wodge
         of Perl packages that support a handful of obvious callbacks
         and tootle with variables. But it works - well enough to
         have spawned over fifty extensions to the basic app, from
         automatic smartquotes to trackbacks to debian package tags.
         The main script is still just your bog-standard CGI script
         (though it can now generate static as well as dynamic blog
         pages), and you're still just sticking text files in
         directories (although sub-directories now work like
         fancy-schmancy Moveable Type-like categories). It's blogging
         if blogging was a shell command - right down to its
         unpronounceable name.
         http://www.raelity.org/apps/blosxom/
                                               - it's some OS X thing
         http://www.raelity.org/apps/blosxom/plugins
                        - unfortunately the current search needs java
         http://www.oreilly.com/catalog/googlehks/
                                    - from the hacker who brought you


                                >> MEMEPOOL <<
                ceci n'est pas une http://www.gagpipe.com/

         ROYSTON VASEY currently #1191 at bringing local ADSL to local 
         people: http://www.broadbandleague.org/complete11.html ... and 
         you thought BT had a negative attitude towards broadband: 
         http://www.centcom.mil/galleries/leaflets/images/izd-0010a.jpg
       ( via http://www.centcom.mil/galleries/leaflets/showleaflets.asp ) 
         ... any idea why sci.military.moderated is so quiet nowadays? 
         ... GOOGLE NEWS' wide range of global sources now include CBBC 
         NEWSROUND: http://news.google.com/news?q=bush+nasty ... at 
         last - a webpage showing you what "the Internet" looks like: 
         http://www.durhamcountylibrary.org/training/Whatdoes.html ... 
         http://www.perryhoberman.com/accept/html/infringement.html - 
         though you can still use "Have a break" legally (for now): 
         http://www.legalday.co.uk/lexnex/keeble03/keeble020103.htm ...
http://www.watch.impress.co.jp/akiba/hotline/20030222/etc_habrashi.html
         after http://www.dct-net.co.jp/special/img/usbhot.gif ... 
         "Women 'wired for worry'" http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/2814893.stm 
         while, just a couple of years ago, they could "cope better 
         with stress": http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/1657579.stm - both 
         studies summarily rubbished by Professor Stephen Bloom... 


                                >> GEEK MEDIA <<
                                  get out less

         TV>> C5 follows up Carl Sagan's "Dragons of Eden" hypothesis 
         that human-primate crossbreeds might be possible in THE HUMAN 
         CHIMP (9pm, Fri, C5)... SUBMARINE DISASTER (10pm, Fri, C5) 
         covers underwater nuclear calamities from the USS Thresher to 
         the Russian Navy's Kursk... and "Swordfish" writer Skip Woods 
         directs his own hilariously amoral domestic drug-dealer script 
         THURSDAY (2.05am, Fri, C4)... "The West Wing" is shunted off 
         to the prestigious Monday 11pm slot, to be replaced by sure-
         fire Saturday night ratings winner DNA: THE STORY OF LIFE 
         (7pm, Sat, C5)... we say: put http://www.garylestrange.co.uk/ 
         on the bus for '80s popstar reality show REBORN IN THE USA 
         (9.35pm, Sat, ITV)... and toxic industrial pollution week sees 
         CORRESPONDENT: POISONED CITY (6.15pm, Sun, BBC2) precede 
         worthy but sentimental one-woman's-struggle weepie ERIN 
         BROKOVICH (9pm, Mon, C5)... Inquirer writer and folk singer 
         Wendy M Grossman once advised that NTK "has" to see Spike 
         Jonze/ Charlie Kaufman's typically self-indulgent indie curio 
         BEING JOHN MALKOVICH (10pm, Sun, C4)... Catherine Keener and 
         Aaron Eckhart both re-appear in Neil LaBute's typically brutal 
         "In the Company of Men" follow-up YOUR FRIENDS AND NEIGHBOURS 
         (12.05am, Mon, C4)... and lifestyle makeover shows get down to 
         the real basics in the self-explanatorily titled HOW TO ROB A 
         BANK (9pm, Mon, C4)... Rob "That's you, that is" Newman is the 
         subject of novelist profile SCRIBBLING (11.20pm, Mon, BBC2)... 
         and never mind disappointing insect teen romance sequels like 
         THE FLY II (10.10pm, Thu, C5), there's a rare chance to see 
         the original TV pilot movie for David McCallum's THE INVISIBLE 
         MAN (2.20pm, Thu, C5)...
         
         FILM>> it's undeniably intriguing to see a "forbidden" romance 
         being made in such a deliberately old-fashioned format, but 
         that's enough about J-Lo/ Ralph-Fi comedy MAID IN MANHATTAN 
         ( http://www.capalert.com/capreports/maidinmanhattan.htm : 
         neither in the true "Cinderella" were the homosexual 
         euphemisms, the adultery, the exhibitionism, nor the excessive 
         breast exposure) - the usual mild anachronisms fail to detract 
         from 1950s-style unironic "Pleasantville" experiment FAR FROM 
         HEAVEN ( http://www.imdb.com/Goofs?0297884 : the Tupperware 
         container [Julianne "Hannibal" Moore brings to [Dennis 
         "Innerspace" Quaid's] office is a post '62 color and style)... 
         otherwise it looks like a limited release for '90s-nostalgia 
         Britpop hagiography LIVE FOREVER ( http://www.bbfc.co.uk/ : 
         contains strong language and drug references)... or a rather 
         more uncompromising look at the emptiness of celebrity, nudity 
         -packed "Hogan's Heroes" behind-the-scenes expose AUTO FOCUS 
         ( http://www.screenit.com/movies/2002/auto_focus.html : it's 
         possible the film could entice some kids to videotape sexual 
         encounters and/or become more interested in pornography)... 
         

                               >> SMALL PRINT <<

       Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
         happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
       on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
     nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
                       Registered at the Post Office as
                          "martyrs to the cause"
                 http://www.cathnews.com/news/302/116.php        

                                 NEED TO KNOW
            THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK.
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