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        "A left mouse push fires it. Kinda crazy really. We actually
         asked for a great big red button, but they wouldn't give us
         one..."
                  - Sky movie myths debunked by nuclear submarine crew
       http://media.guardian.co.uk/broadcast/story/0,7493,999743,00.html
         ...Are you *sure* you want to unleash unthinkable devastation
         on civilians you've never even met before? Click No to cancel,
                                                       Yes to continue


                               >> HARD NEWS <<
                               swiftly perused

         Back in July of 2001, we wondered what "the DIRECT MARKETING
         ASSOCIATION will say when they discover they've left their
         own membership mailing list available on their server". Two
         years later, Tom Stuart got a response. "There is a serious
         breach of data protection law in that a number of email
         addresses have been given out urging people to send these
         people spam", they wrote in shocked response to his
         mirroring of the list. Well, it's not often you have to wait
         that long for an unsolicited message from the DMA. Ah,
         they're probably right: although as Tom replied, "If these
         people have subsequently received spam, can't they just
         unsubscribe or register on an opt-out list? I hear those are
         effective at preventing unwanted direct marketing material."
         http://www.obsess.com/junk/dmaindex.html
- can't believe they're complaining about brand new marketing contacts
         http://www.dma.org.uk/Shared/Staff.asp?Mode=search&d=0
                               - not too worried about spambots either


         This isn't just a plug for a reader's site, as it meets at
         least 3 NTK core news criteria: low-tech retro-graphics; the
         paid-for content controversy; and letting people know what
         Stuart Campbell is up to, so we can all sleep a little sounder
         at nights. Anyway, Mr Campbell, together with fellow former
         "Digitiser" contributor "Mr Biffo", is responding to the web's
         woeful lack of opinionated independent games journalism that
         makes use of the "Mode 7" Teletext display format, and is
         launching a review site that is only available in this much-
         loved 40-column, max 4 paragraphs-per-page screen size. As if
         that weren't tempting enough, you can sample all the weekday
         content for free as an incentive to subscribe to 10 weekend
         editions for just 50p each. The advantages over all those
         free, opinionated, comparatively-usable games review sites are
         clear - though the one thing that might swing the subscription
         issue for us would be if DIGIWORLD.TV (for that is its name)
         also converted modern-day game screenshots into its gorgeously
         chunky 8-colour 80 x 75 screens.
         http://www.digiworld.tv/d.tv?a=fnh2
       - bring back the Vic-20, heyday of the 20-column text adventure

         In other "stuff you might have missed while we were on
         holiday": it still pains us to see THE GUARDIAN (and subsequent
         Slashdot discussion) perpetuating the popular myth - and
         mainstay of Ed Byrne's standup act - that Alanis Morisette's
         song "Ironic" might "not be ironic at all". The web is packed
         with critics devising coincidences that are more "ironic" than
         Alanis' examples ("It's like rain, on your wedding day - if
         you're marrying a weatherman! And he predicted that it wasn't
         going to rain!"), but the song actually seems to deal in minor
         everyday instances of *situational* irony, defined by the same
         Guardian piece as "a state of affairs or an event that seems
         deliberately contrary to what one expects and is often amusing
         as a result". It's "often" amusing, but doesn't have to be:
         a "black fly in your Chardonnay" therefore runs contrary to
         the wine's la-di-dah connotations; "rain on your wedding day"
         flies in the face of Western associations between happiness
         and sunny weather. There's no doubt that Alanis could have
         come up with more "ironic" examples if she'd studied genre
         classics like Oedipus Rex - "It's like killing your father/
         when you're trying not to/ It's like marrying your mother/
         when that's socially taboo" - but her original scenarios were
         probably more recognisable to the CD-buying public.
         http://www.guardian.co.uk/weekend/story/0,3605,985375,00.html
                    - vs http://www.thudfactor.com/archives/001379.php
         http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Picture/7379/byrne.html
                    - of course Byrne is exaggerating for comic effect
         http://www.marcusbrigstocke.com/pacman.asp
                     - and don't get us started on that "Pacman" quote


                                >> ANTI-NEWS <<
                             berating the obvious

         ... unusually Hollywood cast for a Dr Who fan-video:
         http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B00004CTDO/ - must
         be Mark Gatiss' League of Gentlemen connections... Netscape
         (falco!) memorial: http://www.ntk.net/2003/07/18/dohcack.gif
         ... Adobe demonstrates powerful global search and replace
         feature: http://www.adobe.co.uk/products/acrobat/acrrfaq.html#A
         ... haunting Tony Kaye TV ads for Dunlop perfectly recalled by
         fact-checking journalist not sloppy blogger Bill Thompson:
         http://www.ntk.net/2003/07/18/dohpir.gif (see also
         http://www.uktvadverts.com/Adverts/Adverts.aspx?artist=634 )
         ... let the train take the pain of your existence advises:
         http://www.pembrokeshiregreenways.co.uk/frames.asp?sectionid=5
         ... unfortunate corporate URLs http://www.poo.uk.com/ compete
         with unpleasant oval logo at http://www.pooldevil.net/ ... was
         aiming for last one: http://www.ntk.net/2003/07/18/doheight.gif
         ... BBC test site ignores internal anti-NTK "be dull" guidelines,
         dares to be exciting instead: http://www.bbc.co.uk/films/gateways/
         ... scorchio! http://www.ntk.net/2003/07/18/dohsco.gif ...


                               >> EVENT QUEUE <<
                         goto's considered non-harmful

         Both b3ta and The Rockall Times are holding sophisticated
         cocktail evenings tonight, perhaps scant consolation for those
         of us who haven't made it to the world's first NIMBUS 2003
         HARRY POTTER SYMPOSIUM (started yesterday, the Swan & Dolphin
         Hotel, Walt Disney World, Florida, from $69.75 per day).
         Papers include "Imperial Harry: Race, J.K. Rowling, and the
         Postcolonial Context", "Strangers in a Strange Land: How the
         Muggle-born are a Powerful Force for Social Change", plus
         Daily Telegraph science editor ROGER HIGHFIELD, author of "The
         Science of Harry Potter: How Magic Really Works", explaining
         how putting the mystical incantation "Harry Potter" in the
         title can supernaturally increase your book sales.
         http://www.hp2003.org/
                             - vs http://www.geocities.com/buffyology/
         http://www.therockalltimes.co.uk/2003/07/14/update-eight.html
                       - vs http://www2.b3ta.com/party/2ndbirthday.gif


                                >> TRACKING <<
               sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering

         Whose idea was it to run RSS news aggregators on the client?
         There must have been a good reason, but whenever we think back
         to recall it, a giant laughing face of Dave Winer balloons up
         and then it goes black. Now here comes Mark "ONElist"
         Fletcher's BLOGLINES, challenging the received wisdom by being
         quite good. Bloglines is a server-based RSS reader. You
         download a bookmarklet that you can stab at whenever you see a
         blog, RSS-enabled monkey-torturing site, or whatever. Blogline
         adds it to its spider crawl. You log on to their server to
         read your carefully rendered RSS feeds. You can import OPML
         feeds from your local newsreader too. Right now, it seems the
         perfect solution: platform indy news reading from anywhere,
         plus you're saving the bandwidth of all those poor sites. Why,
         it's like Netscape Netcenter lives again!
         http://www.bloglines.com/register
     - logon. And save that password, cos the cookies are session only
         http://www.bloglines.com/help/easysub
                                              - here's the bookmarklet


                                >> MEMEPOOL <<
                ceci n'est pas une http://www.gagpipe.com/

         http://www.blogjam.com/ vs www.brunching.com/weblogfaqk.html
         ...(unidentified) satellite net "was even able to turn on
         Studabaker's [satellite?] mobile when it was switched off":
http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/allnews/page.cfm?objectid=13186085&method=full
         - or give Marines these: http://www.gametrac.com/track/ ...
         what every summer barbeque/ clan "induction" session needs:
         http://www.game-storm.net/services/brander_overview.aspx ...
         startlingly overlooks ability to "mod his lady's Playstation":
         http://www.cyber-mag.com/station/me2.htm ... now, if only he
         could do something about their automatic voice recognition -
         Caller: "Swiss Cottage", Booking line: "You have selected
         Odeon Manchester": http://www.dracos.co.uk/odeon/ ... NME.com
         readers do it (a strict maximum of) once a week (question 13):
         http://microsites.nme.com/glastosurvey2003/ ... KEVIN WARWICK
         turning Reading into the closing scenes of "Terminator 3":
         http://www.spy.org.uk/cgi-bin/morgui.pl ... saved for nation:
         http://digdug.cx/quotes/ ... http://www.grumbletext.co.uk/ -
         thanks everyone, that ought to do it...


                                >> GEEK MEDIA <<
                                  get out less

         TV>> here's hoping ALT-TV (7.30pm, Fri, C4) emphasises that
         the DIY reactor kid was not following the official curriculum
         for the Boy Scouts of America "Atomic Energy" merit badge:
         http://www.ece.cmu.edu/~griffin2/scouts/rd-response.html ...
         spotting the pointless movie references might keep you awake
         during Paul Anderson "Shane" remake stinker SOLDIER (9pm, Fri,
         C5): http://www.imdb.com/Trivia?0120157 ... while the racial
         role-reversal of John Travolta parallel universe misfire WHITE
         MAN'S BURDEN (11.45pm, Fri, BBC2) means there's still hope for
         our alternate reality pitch in which - get this - men rule the
         entire planet and women are virtually second-class citizens...
         they really owe it to the fans to play Shatner's "Rocket Man"
         http://www.bentmen.com/realaudio/rocketman.ram over the end
         credits of STAR TREK - AFTER THEY WERE FAMOUS (9.15pm, Sat,
         ITV)... the plaintiffs in LAW AND ORDER: SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT
         (10pm, Sat, C5) were originally going to be developmentally
         disabled... and Angelina Jolie and Dave "Eurythmics" Stewart
         consider a "28bps" modem and "million colour" screen "insanely
         great" in the unwittingly hilarious HACKERS (9.35pm, Sat, C4)
         ... North Korea's Kim Jong II is profiled as THE REAL DR EVIL
         (7.15pm, Sun, BBC2)... DON'T DROP THE COFFIN (8.30pm, Tue,
         ITV) appears to be "The Real" SIX FEET UNDER (10pm, Sun, C4)
         ... and HORIZON: THE DAY THE EARTH NEARLY DIED (9pm, Thu,
         BBC2) is "The Real" DEEP IMPACT (8.15pm, Sat, BBC1)... the
         non-binding phone-in judgements of ASYLUM: YOU THE JUDGE (8pm,
         Wed, BBC1) loosely imitate Uri Geller's adoption game-show
         idea: http://tinyurl.com/71ov , actual Australian immigration:
         http://www.how2immigrate.net/australia/preassessment-form.html
         ... "Shatner, Shatner... no, doesn't look like he's in" the
         magnificent MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000: THE MOVIE (11.20pm,
         Wed, ITV)... daughter of disgraced former Tory MP Victoria
         Aitken shows an unexpected inability to rap in YOUNG, LOADED
         AND POSH (10.30pm, Thu, ITV)... leaving you with this week's
         second "Shane" remake, Eastwood's PALE RIDER (9pm, Thu, C5)...

         FILM>> the improbable F/X of "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon"
         meet the numbing psychodrama of "The Ice Storm" in Ang Lee's
         spectacularly disappointing Jennifer Connelly CGI yawn HULK
         ( http://www.capalert.com/capreports/hulk_the2003.htm : shape
         shifting, numerous; electric torture, sadistic; I wrote a book
         on the handling of radiation accident patients by paramedical
         and hospital personnel and wish I could share with you a few
         things that make what is portrayed absolutely stupid)...
         still, it makes a good smokescreen for covering up unacclaimed
         turkeys like Denis Leary, Steve Buscemi and Liz Hurley -
         together at last! - in bizarre indie police drama DOUBLE
         WHAMMY ( http://www.cndb.com/ : you get about 25 frames of
         [Hurley's] nipple if you want to pause and zoom)... or Heath
         Ledger/ Kate Hudson cowardly history-frolic THE FOUR FEATHERS
         ( http://www.screenit.com/movies/2002/the_four_feathers.html :
         we see rugby players in the locker room after a match, with
         some having just towels around them. We then see a very brief
         shot of several of their bare butts)... though that doesn't
         seem to include the modern-day "Sgt Bilko" antics of Berlin-
         based still-unreleased-in-the-US military tell-all BUFFALO
         SOLDIERS ( www.bbfc.co.uk : strong language and hard drugs
         references) - could never happen in real life, of course:
         http://www.time.com/time/covers/1101030714/wairport.html ...

         CONFECTIONERY THEORY>> and http://www.snackspot.org/ is also
         back from its summer break, currently alternating between the
         latest UK product releases, the edible unusualness we've
         encountered on our recent travels - and, in the case of WILD
         BERRY SKITTLES (45p), methodical cross-cultural comparisons
         between the two. In the former category: a relative thumbs-up
         for STARBURST SOUR CHEWS (33p, and "sour as a bastard" -
         Stuart Campbell), PENGUIN CHUKKAS ("I was a [bit] concerned
         that the biscuit bits might have been from dog biscuits...
         halfway though the pot, I don't care anymore"- Josh Roulston)
         http://www.snackspot.org/thread.php?story=0304221946sbc , plus
         whatever madness is currently emanating from WALKERS CRISPS
         flavour labs, in the form of their ORIENTAL CRACKERS, GREAT
         BRITISH TAKEAWAYS CRISPS, and FRENCH FRIES FISH AND CHIPS
         FLAVOUR... but it hasn't all been plain sailing: WALKER'S
         SHOTS appear to be gravitating towards bargain bins nationwide
         http://www.snackspot.org/thread.php?story=0304142342cas , and
         Stuart Campbell (again) slammed the artificially-sweetened
         BANANA AND PEACH LILT for "tasting of about 4% banana, 0%
         peach and 96% dirty radioactive metal", further clarifying
         that "IF I WANT THE FREAKING DIET VERSION I'LL BUY THE
         FREAKING DIET VERSION, YOU FREAKING TOSSWIPES"... on the
         international front, Adrian Furby and his team from Australia
         were swift to dismiss the "mint-flavoured" SPRITE ICE ("looks
         a little bit like diluted blue Listerine"), and went on to
         document the antipodean arrivals of TWIX WHITE, CADBURY'S
         PICNIC ROCKY ROAD ($1.60), and NESTLE KIT KAT BITES ($2.30),
         while receiving the intriguing accolade of being the first
         contributors to have their pics "borrowed" by another site:
       http://www.foodlineweb.co.uk/FoodWeb/newsletter/july03/product.asp
         ... over in the US, tasters were largely underwhelmed by
         drinks like RUSSELL SIMMONS' DEFCON 3 and PEPSI BLUE, but did
         enjoy MCDONALD'S RASPBERRY TRIPLE THICK SHAKE, ideally
         accompanied by an as-seen-on-The-Money-Programme maple syrup
         MCGRIDDLE. And as NTK goes to press, Snackspot is currently
         assessing currently unconfirmed sightings of the sunflower-
         based SNICKERS MAD MIX plus MCDONALD'S GREEK MAC, and still
         think the Fast Food Rockers' song "McDonalds, McDonalds,
         Kentucky Fried Chicken and a Pizza Hut" has potential as a
        "Natwest-Barclays-Midlands-Lloyds"-style anti-capitalist anthem:
         http://home.arcor.de/starluver/manics/lyrics/natwest.htm ...


                               >> SMALL PRINT <<

       Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
         happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
       on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
     nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
                       Registered at the Post Office as
                          "not a huge liquorice fan"
                    http://www.55379009.com/mediaassassin/

                                 NEED TO KNOW
            THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK.
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