_   _ _____ _  __ <*the* weekly high-tech sarcastic update for the uk>
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        "Although [Russell "Queer As Folk" Davies] says he wants to 
         'introduce the character to a modern audience', Lorraine 
         Heggessey, the controller of BBC1, insisted yesterday
         that she did not expect a gay Doctor Who..."
http://news.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2003/09/26/nwho26.xml
         ...foppish "Time Lord", travels with entourage of "companions" 
                                 - what could be straighter than that?


                               >> HARD NEWS <<
                            what happened to MOOs?

         A contrary couple of weeks among the forces fighting the
         good fight - or at least, convincing everyone else they are.
         MSN certainly added a few people to their buddy list after
         many outlets ran MSN's cancelling of their chat services
         without a glimmer of analysis. MSN UK head Gillian Kent was
         on all media, recommending people switched from "free and
         unmoderated" chatrooms to... MSN Messenger. Oh yes, much
         safer. Anyone wanting to write a real follow-up story might
         want to try opening MSN Messenger. Click on "Search for a
         Contact". Choose "Search By Interest". Browse "Profiles By
         Interest". Click on "People > Romance". Click on "13-19".
         Voila. A list of potential penpals, sorted by age and gender.
         Any chance of MSN Messenger getting shut down now? Or is the
         AIM-killer a bit more profitable than free, moderated chat?
         http://www.currybet.net/archives/000099.shtml
                                                        - more quotes
         http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/3139754.stm
- and while you're running that press release, could you put this one up too?

         It got even weirder in Parliament last Thursday, when the
         Lords debated a bit in the Sexual Offences Act that would
         let police and GCHQ "make" their own child porn. While the
         Lords wandered off into a fascinating fancy that Al-Qaeda
         was using steganography to send sekrit messages in illegal 
         material, the rest of us were left wondering exactly what
         kind of David Icke-level conspiracy was going on here. Turns
         out that it's not just the cops "making" pr0n. Since 1999,
         "making" child porn, in the legal sense of the term,
         includes caching indecent GIFs, preserving them for the
         police, or even seeing them fly past as a moderator or
         suspicious sysadmin. Everyone, it turns out, involved in the
         self-policing of the Net: from the Internet Watch Foundation
         helpline callers to those very same MSN moderators keeping
         an eye on chat rooms, yea even unto GCHQ spies who must
         stare at every Usenet binary until their eyes bleed, have
         been "making" the stuff. A crime which, understandably, has
         no possible defence. And which carries a hefty penalty of 
         ten years in jail. Currently the police are pushing for an
         "authorisation" fix - which means that every sysadmin would
         have to apply for a special "Yes, I Make Child Porn But It's
         Okay" license, or face possible prosecution for even
         investigating dodgy practices. FIPR, very sensibly, are
         arguing that perhaps caching isn't *quite* same as "making"
         child porn, and could have extenuating circumstances under
         the law. Whatever the final form, for now, a huge chunk of
         Britain's "family" ISPs are discovering they're legally the
         same criminals as they're trying to catch. Which might
         further explain why MSN - and other ISPs - would rather
         close down their entire service than see employees thrown in jail.
www.chiark.greenend.org.uk/pipermail/ukcrypto/2003-September/028553.html
                                  - mostly funny stuff about Al-Qaeda
         http://www.cl.cam.ac.uk/~rnc1/SexualOffencesBill.pdf
                                                  - look what I made!

         So the European Parliament, after some bitching, did the
         right thing in the end, and voted for enough of the
         amendments to stop software patents. And who have we got to
         thank among British MEPS? Not Labour, who voted with Arlene
         "nasty dirty voters bullying me with their opinions"
         McCarthy. Not the Tories (although apparently there were a
         couple of dissidents). How about the Liberal Democrats,
         then, whose JURI committee member Diana Wallis spoke to
         their conference on Monday about how "We should be exposing
         the political choices that lay beneath... technical issues.
         For example we are currently dealing with a directive on the
         patentability of computer generated inventions; we have been
         lobbied to death by various individuals. This is about
         liberty, about choice, about protecting innovative small
         enterprises and the consumer." Oh, do guess. The British
         LibDems voted against fellow European Liberals and for
         software patents. Only the Greens and the UK Independence
         Party consistently voted down the bad provisions. Just so
         you know who is on your side next election.
         http://lwn.net/Articles/50722/
                                    - directive, with useful comments


                                >> ANTI-NEWS <<
                             berating the obvious

         new minimalism: http://www.ntk.net/2003/09/26/dohlogo.gif ... 
         ... football, football - that's all you ever think about: 
         www.ntk.net/2003/09/26/dohstoke.gif ... 'cos no-one has an up-
         to-date laptop: http://www.ntk.net/2003/09/26/dohobs.gif ... 
         impressively eclectic lineup for triple-CD PiL tribute album: 
         http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B000007UDQ/ ... Open 
         University project threatens to set research back 70 years: 
       http://computing.open.ac.uk/Research/Showproject.cfm?ProjectID=39
         ... e-Envoy's idea of "html version of full list of e-
         Champions" is - an html page with another link to the Word 
         file: http://www.e-envoy.gov.uk/EStrategy/EChampions/fs/en ... 
         nothing more annoying than forgetting to rewind your DVDs: 
         http://www.ntk.net/2003/09/26/dohdvd.gif ... Brit initiative 
         in action: http://www.ntk.net/2003/09/26/dohbdi.gif ... The
         Friday Thing blog lambasts Bowie, Morissette for elementary 
         geographical goofs: http://www.ntk.net/2003/09/26/dohbelt1.gif 
         - yet believes "Beltway" [sic] to be "a suburb of Washington": 
         http://www.ntk.net/2003/09/26/dohbelt2.gif ... 


                               >> EVENT QUEUE <<
                         goto's considered non-harmful

         Obviously we have only the vaguest idea of what a "private 
         view" might involve, so instead we've decided to hold a "gala 
         opening" for FROM DESPAIR TO LEISUREWEAR: NTK - THE T-SHIRT 
         YEARS (5.30-8pm, next Fri 2003-10-03, Access Space, 1 Sidney 
         St, Sheffield S1 4RG, admission free, exhibition continues 
         11am-7pm Tue-Sat until end of Oct). It's not just 20 or more 
         of our most technically sophisticated t-shirt designs draped 
         over the walls and shop-window dummies - there'll also be rare 
         and hard-to-get collector's items (like the mythical "red 
         Adminspotting"), and an educational "designer's commentary" 
         explaining the jokes on each one. Plus free wine and nibbles 
         at the opening. And supermodels. Possibly. And next weekend 
         threatens to be a busy one for fans of the esoteric and 
         bizarre, incorporating what seems to be the UK premier of 
         MCSWEENEYS VS THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS (7.30pm, Sat 2003-10-04, 
         the Barbican, London, tickets from UKP10), and the innovation 
         of a "strippers" and a "curry" track at Birmingham 2600's 
         informal computer-security fest BRUMCON III - RETURN OF THE 
         FED GUY (also Sat 2003-10-04), though their site currently 
         seems to be down, making its Birmingham location perhaps even 
         more "top secret" than they'd originally planned.
         http://www.leisurewear.lowtech.org/
         - next: the return of "Memes don't exist, tell your friends"
         http://www.barbican.org.uk/generic/details.asp?eventID=1776
              - "McSweeney's deserves no praise and accepts no blame"
         http://brumcon.org/
                  - (slightly) more info at http://www.phreaking.org/
         http://www.infowar.com/
             - please "Be civil" for InfowarCon, Washington, next Tue


                                >> TRACKING <<
               sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering

         KNOPPIX 3.3 is the most convincing argument for Linux on the
         desktop we've seen. Hell, it's the most convincing argument 
         for thin clients we've seen. Use the free distrib-on-a-CD on 
         your nearest laptop, and the chances are you'll be terrified 
         by its hardware detection skillz (it spotted video card, USB, 
         sound and wireless networking on a straight-out-of-a-box 
         Vaio). Then, after a while being taken aback with its 2GB of 
         speedily uncompressed apps (including two office suites and 
         most of the KDE collection), you'll wonder whether you need to 
         install it at all. If you do (with 3.3's knoppix-installer), 
         you'll get the easiest Debian distribution you could ask for. 
         If you don't, you can content yourself with hardware config 
         and home dir details on USB storage or floppy (optionally 
         encrypted), and keep your precious hard drive virginally 
         intact.
         http://www.knopper.net/knoppix-mirrors/index-en.html
                                                      - git your isos
         http://www.knoppix-std.org/docs/crypto_home.html
                                - keep your keychain on your keychain


                                >> MEMEPOOL <<
                contains a source of http://snackspot.org/

         bad worm pics - "surf without rhythm" to avoid attracting 
         them?: http://www.ecommercetimes.com/perl/story/31632.html , 
         http://wireless.newsfactor.com/images/story-computer-worm.jpg 
         ... http://www.anandasangha.net/mysticmicrosoft/ vs power of 
         prayerware: http://www.ultraedit.com/products/story.html ... 
         the laser beam-reflecting game that hasn't disappeared into 
         Macromedia's subscription area: http://www.dyson.co.uk/game/ 
         ... dull Amazon title of the week (falls asleep while typing 
         it?): http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/920111186X ... 
         SETI@home "successful", reveals www.climateprediction.net/ ... 
         well, thanks for clarifying the whole "heterosexual" aspect: 
         http://www.cannibalism.org.uk/ ... token Japlish of the week: 
    http://www.webtribe.net/~davidgentle/2000_10_29_8factsarc.html#1241216
         ... Kieren McCarthy lashes out at Prof Kevin Warwick's latest 
         pronouncement, unfortunately omits when or where it took 
         place: http://www.theregister.co.uk/content/28/32991.html 
         (under heading "Welcome back, Master of Gibberish")... 


                                >> GEEK MEDIA <<
                                  get out less

         TV>> forget muzzle velocity and armour penetration - it's all 
         about reliability when GREATEST MILITARY CLASHES (8pm, Fri, 
         C5) pits the AK47 vs the M16... according to the now-defunct 
    http://web.archive.org/web/20001018091551/magi.com/~rhdf/scms/arnd.html
         Arnie's body count hits just 15 in THE RUNNING MAN (9pm, Fri, 
         C5), compared to a whopping 105 in COMMANDO (9pm, Thu, C5) - 
         couple of suggestions for recreating that "futuristic escaped 
         prisoner" look http://www.nokia.com/nokia/0,,43613,00.html , 
         http://store.yahoo.com/sharperimage-gb/iu558.html yourself ...  
         and who knows what kind of scary RFID metal-strip technology 
         was involved in tracking THE LIFE OF A UKP10 NOTE (11.35pm, 
         Fri, BBC2)... hang on, is this a Saturday afternoon kid-
         friendly edit of LOGAN'S RUN? (3.50pm, Sat, C4)... in the 
         quest to find the UK's dullest people, the champion of sports 
         reality show BORN TO RUN (5.30pm, Sat, BBC1) goes on to face 
         the winner of WIFE SWAP (9pm, Tue, C4) in the final... while 
         Jonny Lee "Hackers" Miller seems unlikely to correct the 
         popular misconception that Ada Lovelace was "the world's first 
         computer programmer" in BYRON (10pm, Sat and Sun, BBC2)... 
         first they renamed Opal Fruits and Marathons, now Boadicea/ 
         Boudicca loses another letter to become BOUDICA (9.20pm, Sun, 
         ITV)... still, she comes across as something of a peace-loving 
         diplomat compared to whatever goes on INSIDE THE MIND OF TONY 
         BLAIR (8pm, Sun, C4), itself preceding 1983-era Rory Bremner 
         style impersonation political drama THE DEAL (9pm, Sun, C4)... 
         as if you care, being glued - if that's the right word - to 
         the original-and-best AMERICAN PIE (9pm, Sun, C5)... the Radio 
         Times describes "erotic manga cartoons" as one topic of the 
         final WHATEVER TURNS YOU ON (10.55pm, Tue, C5), though GOTHS 
         MAKE BETTER LOVERS (1.15am, Wed, C4), argues C4's "Outside" 
         strand... Robert Winston uses computer graphics to probe THE 
         HUMAN MIND (9pm, Wed, BBC1)... and tough call for Brad Pitt
         fans between Guy Ritchie rubbish SNATCH (10pm, Wed, C4) and 
         Terry Gilliam's TWELVE MONKEYS (11.20pm, Wed, BBC1) - also 
         rubbish, of course, but - hey - partly set in the future... 
         
         FILM>> interestingly, Kevin Smith's "Critical Mess" coterie 
         http://www.moviepoopshoot.com/mess/10.html claim that being 
         friends with Ben Affleck *isn't* why they haven't done a spoof 
         poster for not-as-bad-as-you'd-hoped "Chasing J-Lo" remake 
         GIGLI ( http://www.screenit.com/movies/2003/gigli.html : we 
         see [Lopez] in a sports bra (that shows cleavage) and small 
         and tight shorts as she exercises and does various stretches, 
         some of them sexually suggestive; [Affleck] threatens to put a 
         gagged man through a spin in an industrial clothes dryer)... 
         "best" of an odd week is Robert Rodriguez's characteristically 
         incoherent El Mariachi III actioner ONCE UPON A TIME IN MEXICO 
       ( http://www.capalert.com/capreports/onceuponatimeinmexico.htm :
         firearm threat to crotch; thong nudity, repeatedly; death by 
         fire; death by bus; invasive medical procedure, twice, once to 
         gouge out eyes)... the accent-fest continues in grim 1950s 
         "Confessions of a Canal Drifter" Scottish odyssey YOUNG ADAM 
         ( http://www.cndb.com/movie.html?title=Young+Adam+(2003) : 
         Emily Mortimer shows ample breasts in three sex scenes with 
         Ewan McGregor)... while almost all the Australians from this 
         month's other movies - Heath "Sin Eater" Ledger, Naomi "Le 
         Divorce" Watts, Joel Edgerton and Rachel Griffiths from "The 
         Hard Word" - reunite in armour-plated period shoot-em-up NED 
         KELLY ( http://www.bbfc.co.uk/ : contains infrequent strong 
         violence)... 
         

                               >> SMALL PRINT <<

       Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
         happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
       on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
     nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
                       Registered at the Post Office as
                                  "parseable"
         http://membled.com/work/apps/xmltv/presentation/12future.html

                                 NEED TO KNOW
            THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK.
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