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  • NTK 2007
  • NTK 2006
  • NTK 2005
  • NTK 2004
  • 2003-12-19
    #318
    I want to defy - the logic of your spam laws
  • 2003-12-12
    #317
    Mugabe - yes, ICANN - no
  • 2003-12-05
    #316
    Who's pirating the anti-piracy regulations?
  • 2003-11-28
    #315
    Download, where's your troosers?
  • 2003-11-21
    #314
    Not *now*, Cato!
  • 2003-11-14
    #313
    unusually bottom-obsessed doh special
  • 2003-11-07
    #312
    Kitcat snaps, merciless ming-boggling
  • 2003-10-31
    #311
    poorly Perl, Ripley's believe it or not
  • 2003-10-24
    #310
    RMS "friendly little monkey", Wyatt Erk
  • 2003-10-17
    #309
    M&S PANTS
  • 2003-10-10
    #308
    Do not press shift, go directly to jail
  • 2003-10-03
    #307
    ICANN SMASH!
  • 2003-09-26
    #306
    Free wine and nibbles at the opening
  • 2003-09-19
    #305
    Tlak lkie a tanrspsoed pritare day
  • 2003-09-12
    #304
    Target Mr Blaine's flying toilet
  • 2003-09-05
    #303
    Game poetry, patent remedies
  • 2003-08-29
    #302
    SCO selecta, Brussels rout
  • 2003-08-22
    #301
    Partyful dyslexia warrior; taste the destiny of Lara Croft
  • 2003-08-15
    #300
    Vigorous usability fights with tiny Gordon Freeman!
  • 2003-08-08
    #299
    Pleasure to be decived! For your enjoyable Newsletter life
  • 2003-08-01
    #298
    der-der-der, der der derrrr, der-der-der, der-der DER der
  • 2003-07-25
    #297
    The Nielsen Guerilla Army
  • 2003-07-18
    #296
    Stu Campbell and the Beautiful Irony of Spam
  • 2003-07-11
    MiniNTK #22
    OSCON AWOL
  • 2003-07-04
    MiniNTK #21
    Ding-dong, ezmlm is dead
  • 2003-06-27
    MiniNTK #20
    Super Summertime "Special"
  • 2003-06-20
    #295
    The Random Consultation Number Generator
  • 2003-06-13
    #294
    Come on Arlene
  • 2003-06-06
    #293
    Fruits machined, jargon filed
  • 2003-05-30
    #292
    suffering little children, SCO news like no news
  • 2003-05-23
    #291
    national elf service, murky dealings with Clear
  • 2003-05-16
    #290
    S'truth Names, Jane Austen in bondage gear
  • 2003-05-09
    #289
    TV Cream nostalgia, the WAN from Atlantis
  • 2003-05-02
    #288
    MSPs MOA, Bye DA
  • 2003-04-25
    #287
    The Orlowski Report
  • 2003-04-18
    MiniNTK #19
    Gone Blashphemin'
  • 2003-04-11
    #286
    fear of a googlebot planet
  • 2003-04-04
    #285
    upmystreet upforsale, unheavenly creatures
  • 2003-03-28
    #284
    spam, warez, spam, bugs and spam
  • 2003-03-21
    #283
    More spam, Wrox off
  • 2003-03-14
    #282
    Another great Viking victory
  • 2003-03-07
    #281
    MPs and MP3s, BBC and PDFs
  • 2003-02-28
    #280
    EMI wants more cash, libraries demand more cache
  • 2003-02-21
    #279
    menace of the phantom withdrawals, a weak link in the chain
  • 2003-02-14
    #278
    the calm before another storm
  • 2003-02-07
    #277
    banned or potentially offensive text
  • 2003-01-31
    #276
    Groundhog NTK... again
  • 2003-01-24
    #275
    Groundhog NTK, "non-geek" SF festival
  • 2003-01-17
    #274
    my voice is my passport, switch Case
  • 2003-01-10
    #273
    Stand back up, be counted
  • 2003-01-03
    #272
    Answer me too!
  • NTK 2002
  • NTK 2001
  • NTK 2000
  • NTK 1999
  • NTK 1998
  • NTK 1997
  • HARD NEWS
  • ANTI-NEWS
  • EVENT QUEUE
  • TRACKING
  • MEMEPOOL
  • GEEK MEDIA
  • SMALL PRINT

 _   _ _____ _  __ <*the* weekly high-tech sarcastic update for the uk>
| \ | |_   _| |/ / _ __   __2003-01-31_ o join! mail an empty message to
|  \| | | | | ' / | '_ \ / _ \ \ /\ / / o ntknow-subscribe@lists.ntk.net
| |\  | | | | . \ | | | | (_) \ v  v /  o website (+ archive) lives at:
|_| \_| |_| |_|\_\|_| |_|\___/ \_/\_/   o     http://www.ntk.net/


        "AOL has estimated it would need 360,000 CDs each year at a cost 
         of UKP34m to set up and maintain the [data retention] system."
                    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/technology/2706677.stm
                     ...ie: about as many as they mail out in a week?


                                >> HARD NEWS <<
                               distinct deja-vus

         After our jocular "history is repeating itself" motif of last 
         week, we're disturbed to find that 2003 is continuing to 
         increasingly resemble a 1990s megamix. One of the first major 
         cyberrights flaps in the UK was a 1996 piece by THE OBSERVER 
         newspaper, which unfairly declared Clive Feather of Demon to 
         be Britain's "pornographer in chief" - all because Demon had 
         newsgroups with funny names, and The Observer had a picture of 
         Clive looking shifty. The whole thing turned out to be major 
         embarrassment for the truth-seeking, civil-rights-loving 
         Observer, as the paper claimed credit for the shut-down of the 
         first anonymous remailer, anon.penet.fi, and the FBI point-
         blank denied the quotes ascribed to them. The Observer has a 
         short memory, though, and ran the story a second time, back in 
         2000, when, on a slow news day, it reeled once more at the 
         shockingly continuing presence of Demon newsgroups. Still, 
         like the addled Net users we are, we're getting a bit hardened 
         to these sensational exclusives. Which is handy, because this 
         week, they ran the same story again. Admittedly, this time, 
         the names had been changed: it was Easynet now, not Demon, who 
         were "peddling child porn involving incest and bestiality" 
         (ie: running a full newsfeed). Basically, then, The Observer 
         digs out this story roughly every three years, in the hope 
         that nobody notices. It may be worth checking to see if they 
         do that with the rest of the paper, too.
         http://www.community.org.uk/met-obsl.htm
       - back then even the CIXen were roused from their sedan chairs
         http://www.ntk.net/index.cgi?b=02000-03-24&l=60#l
                 - article itself mysteriously gone from the archives
         http://tinyurl.com/54tc
                                          - archive.org remembers all
         http://www.theregister.co.uk/content/6/29062.html
                                   - Easynet not taking it lying down

         Open source PC-recyclers THE REDUNDANT TECHNOLOGY INITIATIVE 
         describe themselves as "very impressed" with the standard of 
         entries they had from our readers for their last UKP1000 2-
         week residency at their Access Space media lab in Sheffield. 
         And NTK was "definitely one of the places" where the eventual 
         winner, German electronic sound artist Malte Steiner, heard 
         about it, making us almost morally compelled to tell you about 
         this next one, just in case you - yes, you, Mr "Between Jobs" 
         Tinkering Sysadmin - could make $$$ by going all "artistic". 
         As before, tamar@lowtech.org would like to receive not more 
         than 2 sides of A4 plus your CV, outlining a moderately low-
         tech free-software project that would "contain a strong visual 
         element", to wow the crowds at a 2-hour workshop at the end of 
         your fun-packed fortnight in post-industrial Full Monty-land.
         http://lowtech.org/intro/
                  - 2 weeks, 10 working days, or "80 hour equivalent"
         http://www.ntk.net/index.cgi?b=02002-10-04&l=46#l
              - and they even got round to updating their website too

         While we're handing out the curatorships: does anyone want
         the 5K competition? It's nearly the season for the only
         half-way decent annual challenge on the Web, and by now
         compressimaniacs around the world should be obfuscating
         their javascript at the very thought of fitting a neat game,
         design or flesh-eating worm into 5120 bytes of http-served
         glory. But the 5K's creators have left the building. They're
         spending their time these days hacking on their prospective
         MOO-for-money, The Game Neverending, and they are not coming
         out. Last September, the judges offered the 5K to anyone who
         wanted it - but as yet, nobody has come forward. Any
         volunteers? Would you like to be king of the modern-day demo
         scene? Should we do it? Or should everyone sit outside the
         Neverending's portal, yelling until the founders come out?
         http://www.the5k.org/
                                    - answers to a Yahoo mailing list
         http://groups.yahoo.com/group/the5k/
                         - currently demonstrating the apathy L-curve


                                >> ANTI-NEWS <<
                             berating the obvious

         in Middle East, the punishment for smoking in toilets is harsh:
         www.ntk.net/2003/01/31/dohegypt.jpg ... Naked eBay Guy Strikes Again!
         http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=1942839616
         (look at the reflection in the TV) ... we think everyone with
         experience of Grimes, Iowa deserves a sizeable commiseration:
         http://desmoineshasjobs.com/0/0/4/0/po/000002.htm ... children
         can be cured of fear of dark with torches, lit rooms:
         http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/2686891.stm ... not fair, BBC
         designers: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/technology/2699481.stm ...
         and the inappropriate banner ad folk are trying too hard too:
         http://www.ntk.net/2003/01/31/dohnohands.png ... and if PUERILE
         GOOGLISMS http://www.google.com/search?q=%22bums+night%22
         lose their appeal, will SCR1PT K1DDI3 GOOGLISMS be far behind?
         http://www.google.com/search?q=%22index+of+hidden%22 ... and
         what about our extensive SURREAL GOOGLE MISSPELLING collection:
         http://www.google.com/search?q=%22bob+marley%22+whalers ...
 

                               >> EVENT QUEUE <<
                         goto's considered non-harmful

         Extensive research has revealed that next week's THE POLITICS
         OF CODE: SHAPING THE FUTURE OF THE NEXT INTERNET (from 9.15am,
         Thu 2003-02-06, the Oxford Union, registration from UKP15)
         isn't the same as the similarly named 2001 bash in Cambridge
         which featured a shouting Richard Stallman (for a change).
         Nonetheless, it does promise LAURENCE "Eldred v. Ashcroft"
         LESSIG, ESTHER "Release n.0" DYSON and FIPR's IAN "not the
         Stone Roses" BROWN discussing - and hopefully explaining -
         "IPv6, digital rights management systems, and digital identity
         and authentication technologies". You can catch Stallman,
         meanwhile, at the Free and Open source Software Developers'
         European Meeting FOSDEM 2003 (from Sat 2003-02-08, Universite
         Libre de Bruxelles, Brussels, all talks and tutorials free but
         "donations are welcome"), along with JON "MADDOG" HALL, the
         latter illuminating "The History Of Free Software: From 1300
         AD To The Present Day". Handily, the UK's Linux User Groups
         have set up a mailing list for anyone interested in "exploring
         shared travel/accommodation/sponsorship arrangements" for the
         event - and let's hope that's not all they end up "exploring",
         if you know what we mean.
         http://mailman.lug.org.uk/mailman/listinfo/fosdem/
             - we mean Brussels' many other delightful attractions...
         http://www.fosdem.org/
                                                       - ...of course
         http://pcmlp.socleg.ox.ac.uk/code/
                       - requires IE, Opera or "Netscape 6 and above"


                                >> TRACKING <<
               sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering

         So, you did something awful in a past life, and now you've
         got to do a proper, businesslike presentation in front of an
         audience of your peers. But how? You don't want to use
         PowerPoint because of those pledges your friends made to
         shoot you if you ever did. Your grungy five-year old clown
         laptop might spontaneously self-immolate as you sweep onto
         the stage - but you don't know what backup hardware they'll
         have running at the venue. You want your presentation to be
         in plaintext so you can hack final tweaks, but you also want
         to be able to stick in those funny pictures you snagged at
         the last minute from Google Images. You don't want to use
         Keynote because your image is of a raw, rough-and-ready
         soothsayer, not a turtlenecked Jobs clone. So what do you
         do? Can we suggest the rarely mentioned, but rather cool,
         presentation feature of the unbrowser, Opera? Pressing F11
         in any version of Opera since v.5.0 will switch the app
         fullscreen, with a new media stylesheet enabled: simple HTML
         pages magically become individual slides, which you can
         flick through using PgUp and PgDown. Opera itself fits in
         under 4MB, so you can stick it on a USB key, or download it
         at your destination. Your presentation is in HTML, so you
         can download that too. Opera's non-free, but hell, it'll run
         on anything - and the ad-supported versions don't show their
         wares in presentation mode. Plus the more people use this
         feature, the (marginally) more likely it will that Mozilla
         and friends will adopt the same useful functionality.
         http://www.opera.com/support/tutorials/operashow/
                                                 - step-by-step guide
         http://www.w3.org/Talks/2002/04/11-pemberton
                                                 - as used by the W3C
         http://bugzilla.mozilla.org/show_bug.cgi?id=120398
                                                     - but not by Moz
         http://titanium.dstc.edu.au/xml/jacksvg/
                      - alternatively, how about doing it all in SVG?


                                >> MEMEPOOL <<
                ceci n'est pas une http://www.gagpipe.com/

        these days the West Country treats WiFi with merely suspicion, 
        not mortal fear: http://www.psand.net/watershed/ ...
        at last, the perfect place to stick a sellotape dispenser:
        http://www.extremetech.com/article2/0,3973,846370,00.asp ...
        and you thought it was hard to get permits for anti-war marches:
        http://c8.com/anathematician/lrrs.htm ... www.omfg.com !1!!1!!
        ... www.homedespot.com/ ... Darth Straw up to his Jedi Mind Tricks
        again: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/2697667.stm ...
        www.ugly-midis.de.vu/ ... could this be the next Kevin Warwick?
        http://www.augerment.com/projects_at.html - *seems* zany enough:
  http://www.gsa.ac.uk/design/product/degreeshow95/people/peopfour.htm#James
        ... wonder if they also considered doing this to the pop song
        "Halo", by Texas: http://halo.bungie.org/misc/aholemirrors.html
        ... the perfect combo: unsteady boats, alcohol, and electric drills:
  www.hydrobikes.com/Hydrobike_Video/Products/Boat_Blender/boat_blender.html


                                >> GEEK MEDIA <<
                                  get out less

         TV>> Antoine "Training Day" Fuqua directs Mira Sorvino in THE 
         REPLACEMENT KILLERS (11.10pm, Fri, BBC1) - aka "Time Crisis: 
         The Movie"...CD:UK HOTSHOTS (1.25am, Fri, ITV) "may include 
         content unsuitable for Saturday mornings"... and Kim Delaney 
         Week kicks off with CSI: MIAMI (9pm, Sat, C5), NYPD BLUE 
         (11.40pm, Tue, C4) plus erotic thriller TEMPTRESS (10.50pm, 
         next Fri, C5)... while CSI: Vegas's William Petersen 
         confusingly faces Hannibal Lecter in the '80s-tastic MANHUNTER 
         (10.05pm, Sat, C4)... the rapid-reacting BBC now holds its top 
         2002 TV MOMENTS (9pm, Sat, BBC1) in Feb instead of mid-March: 
         http://www.ntk.net/index.cgi?b=02002-03-15&l=214#l ... THE 
         SIXTH SENSE (9pm, Sun, ITV) is basically "Signs" but without 
         any aliens... here's hoping "Baghdad" isn't suddenly added to 
         the list as archeologist Dan Cruickshank rummages through the 
         rubble of THE LOST CITIES OF IRAQ (9pm, Sun, BBC2)... and 
         Alotta Fagina's cameo in the original-and-best AUSTIN POWERS: 
         INTERNATIONAL MAN OF MYSTERY (9pm, Sun, C4) is followed, aptly 
         enough, by DESIGNER VAGINAS (10.45pm, Sun, C4)... the mildly 
         unairworthy CON AIR (9pm, Mon, C5) and LEONARDO'S DREAM 
         MACHINES (9pm, Mon, C4) are both scheduled against Martin 
         Bashir's typically po-faced LIVING WITH MICHAEL JACKSON - A 
         TONIGHT SPECIAL (9pm, Mon, ITV)... Richard E Grant's career 
         goes from Argos ads to a 10-min cookery spoof written by the 
         "Does my bum look big in this?" woman POSH NOSH (9.50pm, Tue, 
         BBC2)... and Morrissey gives a rare TV appearance as GOD 
         ALMIGHTY (10.50pm, Tue, C5)... THE DAY I DIED (9pm, Wed, BBC2) 
         gives credence to the bollocks "that near-death experiences 
         actually come from beyond the brain"... scifi Western OUTLAND 
         (9pm, Wed, C5) perpetuates that old "explosive decompression" 
         myth: http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a3_147.html ... and 
         20 THINGS TO DO BEFORE YOU'RE 30 (10.35pm, Thu, C4) is a drama 
         about 20somethings who must somehow have missed last year's C5 
         show "99 Things To Do Before You're 30", and indeed Dom Joly's 
         presumably still-unmade "100 Things to Do Before You Die": 
         http://www.amiannoyingornot.com/2002/view.aspx?ID=6670 ... 
         
         FILM>> Spielberg makes a rare venture into comedy - what next 
         for this talented young director: romance? - in overlong 
         anachronism-packed '60s-set social-engineering missing-kid 
         caper CATCH ME IF YOU CAN ( http://uk.imdb.com/Goofs?0264464 : 
         when [DiCaprio] escapes from the plane after crossing the 
         Atlantic, the plane is a modern 2-engine jet; the US currency 
         seen throughout the movie is from the 1996 and 1999 issues)... 
         it's "Death Wish" meets "Memento" in extraordinarily brutal 
         French filmed-backwards rape-revenge arthouser IRREVERSIBLE 
       ( http://www.cndb.com/movie.html?title=Irr%E9versible+%282002%29 : 
         [Monica Bellucci] and real life lover Vincent Cassel wanted to 
         work together on a project that involved steamy sex scenes)... 
         - despite the similar title and explicit theme, not to be 
         confused with ageing-groupie midlife-crisis THE BANGER SISTERS 
         ( http://www.screenit.com/movies/2002/the_banger_sisters.html :
         due to [Goldie Hawn's] presence and influence, [Susan Sarandon]
         eventually loosens up, smokes a joint and uses some profanity; 
         [Hawn] and [Sarandon] return home to discover [Erika "Traffic"
         Christensen] having sex in the family pool)...
         
         FROM DESPAIR - TO LEISUREWEAR>> and well done to first-time 
         caller BEN GOLDACRE, who was apparently unaware of sites like 
         http://www.googlism.com/ when he suggested the not-at-all 
         puerile - and occasionally quite poetic - Google search: 
         http://www.google.com/search?q=%22the+internet+is+like%22 at 
         the start of last November. Exactly 43 edited results of 
         things that "the internet is like" - from "a large appletalk 
         network" to "trying to put a cat in a washing machine" - are 
         now available on t-shirts over at http://www.ntkmart.com/ , 
         and Ben gets a pound for each one we sell (yeah, it's usually 
         more, but it's not usually such hard work converting the idea 
         into a usable graphic)... also new this month: special knock-
         down prices - for as little as a week or so - on design 
         classics like the "Born To Run" ZX font and "I Spend All Day 
         Bitching About You On IRC Channels You Can't See", while the 
         ever-creative LLOYD WOOD has invested some of his royalties 
         from last year's popular "++ungood;" into what he believes to 
         be its diametric opposite: text saying "++good;", in black ink 
         on a women's white "skinny tee". Continuing his "1984" theme, 
         Lloyd hopes that the man's version of the shirt will now be 
         called "the Winston", and that "the ++good; F-fit will have 
         a strange attraction for the Julia set", he puns, shamelessly 
         ... leading the pack of this month's runners-up was STEPHEN 
         GILLIES' strong-concept-but-not-quite-there-for-some-reason: 
         http://www.max.net.au/t-shirt.html ; LUKE PILLANS' pleasingly 
         pixellated - though not immediately obvious - Tetris tribute: 
         http://www.btinternet.com/~l.pillans/tetris_ntk_lpillans.gif ; 
         and THOMAS CHIVERTON'S poignantly text-only "suicide.h:1198: 
         warning: 'class MWaitSelf' only defines a private destructor 
         and has no friends"... ED FEAR took the media placement prize 
         for getting his "FairPlay" shirt onto BBC2's "Can't Get Enough 
         Video Games" - more at http://www.geekstyle.co.uk/images/ - 
         but WILL GRAINGER received nothing at all for asking "Does he 
         get a free t-shirt?", regarding the man wanted by police 
         earlier this year regarding "the dismembered remains of two 
         women found in bin bags" http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/2619123.stm . 
         (Un)fortunately, Will, it wasn't one of ours, and anyway, the 
         rules clearly disqualify "entrants who, for instance, commit a 
         hideous felony then wear the shirt to the subsequent court 
         case" - please note, http://www.martian.fm/uckWa.htm ... 


                               >> SMALL PRINT <<

       Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
         happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
       on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
     nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
                       Registered at the Post Office as
               "What do we have to do to get banned round here?"
               http://cyber.law.harvard.edu/filtering/china/test/        

                                 NEED TO KNOW
            THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK.
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  • HARD NEWS
  • ANTI-NEWS
  • EVENT QUEUE
  • TRACKING
  • MEMEPOOL
  • GEEK MEDIA
  • SMALL PRINT