_   _ _____ _  __ <*the* weekly high-tech sarcastic update for the uk>
| \ | |_   _| |/ / _ __   __2003-08-01_ o       join! sign up at
|  \| | | | | ' / | '_ \ / _ \ \ /\ / / o    http://lists.ntk.net/
| |\  | | | | . \ | | | | (_) \ v  v /  o website (+ archive) lives at:
|_| \_| |_| |_|\_\|_| |_|\___/ \_/\_/   o     http://www.ntk.net/


        "We got an e-mail last week from someone saying 'How did you 
         find me? I used Peer Guardian' and he thought that would save 
         him from our spiders. There is nowhere to hide..." 
                                - http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/3104281.stm
         ...though, for Tom Cruise, submerging himself in a bath full 
                                   of ice-water almost did the trick:
       http://www.stomptokyo.com/filmboy/extras/summer2002/minority.jpg


                               >> HARD NEWS <<
                               och aye the EUs

         There's a bit in Dark Knight Returns where Harlan Ellison,
         appearing as a television pundit, calmly explains off-camera
         how we'll all "be eating our own *babies* for *breakfast*".
         For some reason, we always think of that cameo when reading
         ROSS ANDERSON's analysis of forthcoming laws. This year's
         horror: THE IP ENFORCEMENT DIRECTIVE, of which Ross paints a
         pretty picture. "Significant adverse effects on economic
         growth and innovations", he warns, "will undermine the
         European Single Market; and liberty will suffer in many
         ways". Sadly, he's not wrong: the Enforcement Directive
         seeks to turn all copyright-infringement in the course of
         doing business into a criminal act, EU-wide. EU prosecutors
         pursuing pirates (arr) will be able to seize bank accounts
         and do pre-emptive searches, and force companies to withdraw
         products at their own expense. In other words: more bullying
         of modders, and the criminalisation of even slight copyright
         infringement, from buskers to parody t-shirt sales. Or yet
         another example of how the EU is listening more to the
         corporations whispering in its ear than any of its
         inhabitants. The Enforcement comes before the EU parliament
         on the 11th September. A perfect date for adequate scrutiny
         and news coverage, of course. 
         http://www.cl.cam.ac.uk/users/rja14/draftdir.html
            - "och, and zombies stalking the streeeeeeeets of London"
         http://www.sequentialellison.com/images1.html
                          - of course, Ellison would be all for it...
         http://harlanellison.com/kick/kick_rls.htm
                                                               - arr!
        http://www.broadbanduk.org/news/bsg_press_release_23_07_03.htm
                 - either that, or p2p is broadband's real killer app

         Got a bit of spare time? Want to do something a bit worthy
         but find the folk at those big, bustling charities a bit ...
         well, creepy? FaxYourMP, our human->politician bridging
         service is looking for some new volunteers. OWEN BLACKER,
         who has been mostly handling constituent questions, and
         calming down MP's secreatries with his treacly words, is now
         more likely to be found authoring consultation documents,
         co-ordinating pressure groups, being quoted in the papers,
         and generally being a very important person. So much so that
         now we need a replacement Owen to do the dirty work. No
         money (unless you can work out a way to get some that
         doesn't make us Evil), not much coding (unless you find a
         script that makes your life easier), and not much glamour
         (unless you were born to sit in pubs and plot the rewiring
         of the British political system, then actually do something
         about it). Lots of hands-on techie experience with a
         high-profile Website, some nice people, and a few mails
         every day from shell-shocked citizens telling you how
         brilliant you are. Mail gizzajob@spesh.com and tell us CVish
         stuff.
         http://www.faxyourmp.com/
                                        - read the faq! read the faq!

         Speculation remains rife over the nature of CHARLIE "TV GO
         HOME" BROOKER'S new project. Is it some sort of collaboration 
         with fellow enfant terrible Chris Morris? And, as the BBC 
         incisively predicted, might it turn out to be the long-awaited 
         spinoff vehicle for the popular "Joey Tribbiani" character 
         from "Friends"? Brooker himself declined to be interviewed for 
         this story, but a spokesman did provide this statement on his 
         behalf: "We've been doing experimental shooting for a 
         television programme and/or knitwear pattern featuring people 
         and objects, some of which move and some of which don't. Any 
         further information will be provided to NTK in advance of 
         other outlets. Although that won't happen for some time, and 
         might turn out to be a lie."
         http://www.ntk.net/2003/08/01/dohnat.gif
                          - whaddya mean, "not really been accurate"?
         http://tvgohome.com/ 
              - not quite the Nathan Barley joke we'd been hoping for


                                >> ANTI-NEWS <<
                             berating the obvious

         nowadays, no gadget complete without "accidental on/off 
         powering": http://www.ntk.net/2003/08/01/dohpod.gif ... so 
         which one's Vladimir Lenin - and which one's Paul McCartney?: 
         http://www.ntk.net/2003/08/01/dohdoom.gif ... James Stewart, 
         John Travolta: http://www.ntk.net/2003/08/01/doharrow.gif - 
         together at last!... 5-star user review from one "DFurby": 
         http://www.novatech.co.uk/novatech/specpage.html?NOV-CCSP41 
         - is he by any chance related to David Furby, Novatech MD?: 
         http://www.wired.com/news/print/0,1294,44284,00.html ... 
         Sedgefield Labour Party get in on "Tony Bliar" t-shirt action: 
     http://www.sedgefieldlabour.org.uk/cgi-bin/webbbs/staff_room.pl?read=5
         ... unfortunate URLs: http://top40.about.com/cs/80shits/ , 
         http://www.therapistfinder.com/ ... "Ream" your disk now: 
         http://www.execsoft.co.uk/html/downloads/diskeeper/update.htm 
         ... Lothian and Borders police deem body found in suitcase 
         "suspicious": http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/3105845.stm ... a torso, 
         yesterday: http://www.ntk.net/2003/08/01/dohtorso.gif ... 


                               >> EVENT QUEUE <<
                         goto's considered non-harmful

         In yet another opportunity to combine the words "Linux", 
         "piss-up" and "brewery", next week's LONDON LINUX USER GROUP 
         meeting will be held at THE GREAT BRITISH BEER FESTIVAL (from 
         5.30pm, Wed 2003-08-06, Badger Beer stand #17, Olympia, event 
         entrance fee UKP6). Although the fixture is technically a 
         "friendly", it's come to be considered vital "limbering up" 
         practice for those who'll go on to represent their country at 
         international level at the LINUXBIERWANDERUNG the following 
         weekend (Sat 2003-08-09 to Sun 2003-08-17, in and around the 
         village of Tajov, Slovakia, basically free though obviously 
         you have to pay for accommodation, beer, etc). Check it out 
         before SCO decide they've patented the idea of getting drunk, 
         and/or walking. 
         http://www.lonix.org.uk/tnet-cgi/Lonix?CODE=userMeetings
                - mmm: "Italian Focaccia Breads", "Olives and Things"
         http://lbw2003.anteus.hu/
                  - where a pint costs just 0.5 Euros (ie, about 35p)
         http://www.ccc.de/camp/2003/index.en.html
               - drop by Berlin's Chaos Communication Camp on the way


                                >> TRACKING <<
               sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering

         VIM reached 6.2 last month. It's a pretty boring version
         jump (unless you're worried about Bram's Amiga), but one of
         its additions - a new exception trapping mechanism - does
         rather hint as to what's been happening in the Vim community
         of late. Vim.org has been slowly transforming into a
         repository of serious, looong scripts. There's now a
         spellchecker plugin (which highlights misspelled words as
         you type); numerous file explorers; a calendar; an extension
         to make the '%' key bounce between not just brackets but
         HTML tags and shell conditionals. There's a Sokoban
         implementation and a full-colour Tetris. And for folk who
         actually work, there's a CVS menu, a dandy source browser,
         and a stack of online hints on how to use Vim's built-in
         arcana in real life. For an editor that's got such a
         user-unfriendly rep, the website is one the most generous
         deposits of deep app hacking around. And did we mention the
         Emacs emulator?
         http://www.vimacs.cx/about.html
                                                   - well we have now
         http://www.vim.org/
                                         -  hooray for the super star
         http://macvim.swdev.org/OSX
                                                      - now on Carbon


                                >> MEMEPOOL <<
                 contains a source of http://snackspot.org/

         if only he'd linked the time travel guy up with some Nigerian 
         VCs: http://www.lindqvist.com/xpo/index.php?newID=1142 ... TV 
         startlingly revealed to be "cruel and shallow money trench, 
         [...] long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free": 
        http://www.nameandshame.dsl.pipex.com/ , http://www.tvdregs.com/ 
         ... http://www.scotlandonsunday.com/scotland.cfm?id=734812003
         - PROF KEVIN WARWICK shelves implanted tagging device, cites 
         "infringement of civil liberties" - ie, the imminent "Rise Of 
         The Machines"?: http://www.ntk.net/2003/07/18/doht3.gif ... 
         Bob Hope dead, Tarzan's Cheeta alive and well in Palm Springs, 
         California: http://freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/912885/posts 
         ... "Use of rock as an opening move is seen by many players to 
         be a sign of aggression": http://www.worldrps.com/gbasics.html 
         ... when audiophiles are attacked - in spoof hifi reviews:
http://www.audioreview.com/DACs/Arcam,Black,BoX,,500/PRD_116784_2738crx.aspx
         ... geek health week 3: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/3104093.stm - 
         but if you don't wear one, what do you use to mop up the mess 
         from weeks 1 and 2?... 


                                >> GEEK MEDIA <<
                                  get out less

         TV>> usually shown just as we're sending out NTK, RESCUE 
         ROBOTS (4pm, Fri, ITV) is "Thunderbirds" from the makers of 
         "Robot Wars" - and seems to have single-sex teams to prevent 
         the disagreements from getting even more fractious?... croc 
         nonsense LAKE PLACID (9.30pm, Sat, BBC1) has its moments, but 
         it's no "Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course"... leaving both 
         the weekend's best films to be shown after midnight, in the 
         form of CARRY ON SCREAMING! (12.15am, Sat, ITV) and John Dahl 
         poker nailbiter ROUNDERS (1.05am, Sat, C4)... a robot shark is 
         utilised to film SMART SHARKS - SWIMMING WITH ROBOSHARK (8pm, 
         Sun, BBC1)... a robot Bronte sister is used to record the 19th 
         century novelists in their natural habitat in WALKING WITH 
         BRONTES (7pm, Sun, BBC1)... and WHAT IF (10pm, Mon, BBC4) 
         ponders a parallel reality where the Major/ Currie affair had 
         come to light earlier - as opposed to the truly interesting 
         alternate universes, like the one where picking your nose is 
         a sign of intellectual activity... C4 cashes in on the recent 
         "School Disco" craze with 1950s throwback THAT'LL TEACH THEM 
         (9pm, Tue, C4), plus another "oh how shocking" series of 
         TEACHERS (10pm, Wed, C4)... a new kind of property programme 
         captures the changing mood of the market in HOUSE TRAPPED 
         (8pm, Tue, C4)... the smart answer is of course "the telly" to 
         rhetorical facial reconstruction docu WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT? 
         (9pm, Wed, BBC2)... and Adam Hart Davis tries to walk on water 
         in a new series of SCIENCE SHACK (7.30pm, Thu, BBC2) - hey, 
         any excuse to link to http://www.antics.org.uk/memes.htm ... 
         
         FILM>> it starts with a few good jokes, has a better car chase 
         than Matrix Reloaded, then takes a quite unexpected direction 
         altogether - 3 cybernetic thumbs up for TERMINATOR 3: RISE OF 
         THE MACHINES ( http://www.cndb.com/ : Yes, the Terminators 
         show up naked [both Kristanna and Arnold], but their butts are 
         covered in heavy shadows and you don't see any crack. Also, 
         Kristanna's breasts are covered by her hair, and you certainly 
         don't see her crotch)... female characters continue to hand 
         out various varieties of ass-kicking in this week's other 
         offerings, including Joel "Batman Forever" Schumacher's based-
         on-a-true-story Irish journalist drama VERONICA GUERIN (imdb: 
         biographical/ ireland/ murder/ reporter)... Sly Stallone *is* 
         the Master Control Program in substandard CGI sequel SPY KIDS 
         3: GAME OVER (imdb: 3d-sequel-to-flat-movie/ kid/ sequel/ spy/ 
         villain/ virtual-reality/ wheelchair/ actor-playing-multiple-
         roles)... while "not tested on animals" is the claim of the 
         appallingly-cruel-to-human-beings XX-comedy LEGALLY BLONDE 2 
         ( http://www.ahafilm.info/movies/moviereviews.phtml?fid=7518 : 
         Mooney was propped up on the passenger seat atop a flat 
         platform covered in a mountain of pillows, meticulously placed 
         for Mooney's comfort; in a touching moment, Bruiser is finally 
         reunited with his biological mother [...] they sweetly lick 
         each other and frolic on the grass)... 
         
         RED BOOK AUDIO>> original soundalikes of the month: Billy 
         Bragg/ Half Man Half Biscuit/ Cake hybrids MJ HIBBETT AND THE 
         VALIDATORS are back with new concept CD "This Is Not A 
         Library" (the concept appearing to be working the phrase "This 
         Is Not A Library" into every other song), and a Spectrum-themed 
         sample site which doesn't have the best track off the album 
         "Things'll Be Different When I'm In Charge". But, in a bid to 
         recapture the popularity of their previous "Hey Hey 16K" hit, 
         it does include the astutely observed "Programming Is A Poetry 
         For Our Time" - "I reckon Byron would see/ The irony/ Of 
         writing words to change the world that we/ Can't live without 
         but no-one ever sees": http://www.mjhibbett.com/sampler/ (you 
         might catch Hibbett on Steve Lamacq, 3pm, BBC 6Music, today)
         ... when not engaging in (largely unprovoked?) defences of Yes 
         frontman Jon Anderson on the frankly horrifying Friday Thing 
         blog http://www.hangingday.co.uk/archives/000515.shtml , ALAN 
         CONNOR found time to muse "Surely I'm not the only reader fond 
         enough of Cpt Sensible's 'Glad It's All Over' to note its 
         similarity to Track #7 on Yo La Tengo's new CD?", adding, 
         "While we're at it, Travis's track for the War Child CD ('The 
         Beautiful Occupation') is all very well, but it's making me 
         want to dig out my C90s of Suzanne Vega LPs to listen to 
         'Fancy poultry'". Now you're scaring us, Alan - though you've 
         got to admit Evanescence's chart-topper "Bring Me To Life" 
         http://www.merqurycity.com/ssxtricky/coolstuff/musicvideo.html 
         is a dead ringer for '80s technogoths Curve covering Wham's 
         "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go"?... over in adverts, STUBRUISE 
         alleged "The Walkers Oriental Crackers ad sounds rather like 
         Sleeper's 'What Do I Do Know?'", as LEO CARROLL fumed that 
         track 2 ("Prologo") of the new Air album "City Reading" ("an 
         Italian author, reading his work, in Italian, to Air") "sounds 
         exactly the same as those [fricking] Nestle bank robbers in 
         the Deep South vs grizzled old marshal ads". But SIMON CARLESS 
         confessed that the "Andrew WK-ripped-off soundtrack" he'd 
         identified in a US KitKat ad [NTK 2003-04-25] is, in fact, by 
         Andrew WK: http://www.audibleimagesrecording.com/clients.html .
         He then tried to get back in our good books by finding out
         that "German kiddie-rave demigods" Scooter seem to have a KLF 
         obsession http://www.mono211.com/ffwd/archives/000106.html ; 
         their own tribute band, Moped http://www.diffusiononline.net/ ;
         plus a "cheesy trance cover of a Chris Huelsbeck 'Turrican' 
         (classic Amiga side-scrolling shooter!) tune" on their latest 
         CD. OK, Simon, we forgive you - it sounds like you've suffered 
         enough... 
                  

                               >> SMALL PRINT <<

       Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
         happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
       on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
     nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
                       Registered at the Post Office as
          "above '2nd in Dublin Feis Senior Piano Solo competition'"
          http://www.maths.tcd.ie/~icecube/cgi-bin/index.php?page=cv

                                 NEED TO KNOW
            THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK.
                         Archive - http://www.ntk.net/
              Unsubscribe? Mail ntknow-unsubscribe@lists.ntk.net
                Subscribe? Mail ntknow-subscribe@lists.ntk.net
 NTK now is supported by UNFORTU.NET, and by you: http://www.ntkmart.com/

                          (K) 2003 Special Projects.
             Copying is fine, but include URL: http://www.ntk.net/
         Full license at: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/1.0

                    Tips, news and gossip to tips@spesh.com
             All communication is for publication, unless you beg.
              Press releases from naive PR people to pr@spesh.com
     Remember: Your work email may be monitored if sending sensitive material.
       Sending >500KB attachments is forbidden by the Geneva Convention.
              Your country may be at risk if you fail to comply.