_   _ _____ _  __ <*the* weekly high-tech sarcastic update for the uk>
| \ | |_   _| |/ / _ __   __2003-06-13_ o join! mail an empty message to
|  \| | | | | ' / | '_ \ / _ \ \ /\ / / o ntknow-subscribe@lists.ntk.net
| |\  | | | | . \ | | | | (_) \ v  v /  o website (+ archive) lives at:
|_| \_| |_| |_|\_\|_| |_|\___/ \_/\_/   o     http://www.ntk.net/


        "The commercial value of nanotech stems from the simple fact 
         that the laws of physics don't apply at the molecular 
         level..."
               - Green party MEP Caroline Lucas says "no, no" to nano
        http://www.guardian.co.uk/comment/story/0,3604,975427,00.html 
       ...the laws of the European Parliament, on the other hand, are 
                                      substantially more far-reaching 


                               >> HARD NEWS <<
                               harmonised EUs?

         Noted Roxy Music fan [NTK 2002-10-25] and MEP in charge of
         software patents ARLENE MCCARTHY has finally revealed on
         what side she stands on the issue: fiercely pro-vague. After
         Richard Stallman and Nick Hill wrote a piece in the Guardian 
         worrying that the proposed EU directive was ambiguous enough
         to let in US-style software patents, Arlene went on the
         attack. It's far better to harmonise laws across the EU, she
         wrote, than to continue with the current mess. (A mess
         within which software patents are not expressly permitted.)
         Thankfully, though, RMS has nothing to worry about: "This
         directive will not have any adverse effects on open source
         software development", she says, pointing to the success of
         free software in the USA as proof. (Oddly, she doesn't
         mention the years of confusion and wasted effort that the
         LZW GIF patent caused - timely if only because it finally
         expires next week.) Then she put a bit of damper on it all
         by declaiming that free software is not free at all, and
         "actually a different form of monopoly", an argument that 
         more traditional monopolies have always had a fondness for.
         Looking on the bright side, Phil Hunt and the CD-Rers on the
         old free-sklyarov-uk list have written asking her to back up
         her assurances by providing an explicit exemption for the
         Evil Monopolistic Open Source Software in the law. Well,
         it's worth a try, isn't it?
         http://www.cabalamat.org/weblog/art_29.html
                        - if only sarcasm could overturn bureacracies
         http://petition.eurolinux.org/pr/pr17.html
           - software patents literally slipping in on a technicality

         Talking of trying, you'll be glad to know that the British 
         Code of Advertising, Sales Promotion and Direct Marketing 
         now officially disapproves of unsolicited commercial email. 
         So, every time a UK company (with whom you don't already
         have some sort of relationship) mails you without asking,
         you can mail the ASA and ask them what they're going to do
         about it. There's some godawful online form without a proper
         URL to fill in, and if Barry Dorran's experience with a WH
         Smith spam (below) is anything to go by, you can expect a
         long wait. But do it anyway, and let us know what happens.
         It'll be worth documenting exactly how seriously
         self-regulation is taken by spamming UK businesses.
         Especially as the government appears to be backsliding a bit
         about how it implements the EU's own rather more stringent
         anti-spam legislation. Apparently, a consultation with the
         marketing folk has already persuaded them that a simple,
         obligatory "ADV" in the headers could "restrict legitimate
         commercial/ entrepreneurial creativity and scope". Sigh.
         http://www.asa.org.uk/newcomplainbnm/
                                                 - all new complaints
         http://oberon.idunno.org/whspam/
                                               - Barry sits and waits
         http://tinyurl.com/e8cd
                                                      - DTI wimps out

         We've been assured that the brief and temporary unavailability 
         of THE REGISTER's "Vulture Capitalist" ISP last month was due 
         to a "problem with the DNS" - rather than, say, the company 
         dispatching their black ops team of Lester Haines And Kieren 
         McCarthy to the farthest reaches of the North Atlantic to 
         found a offshore data haven there. Nonetheless, the duo - also 
         responsible for relentless UK satire site THE ROCKALL TIMES - 
         appear determined to visit the remote rocky outcrop of the 
         same name on around July 19th of this year, in a bid to raise 
         money for the charity Mental Health Media. The trip, which 
         involves about two days of sailing out to Rockall, then a 
         daring attempt on its guano-spattered summit, is costing about 
         UKP5,000 in all, and there's still time for you to contribute 
         in the form of corporate sponsorship, buying one of their 
         collector's edition t-shirts, or just PayPal-ing them some 
         loose cyberchange. Let's face it, 5 grand to send two of the 
         UK's top web satirists to a windswept lump of granite in the 
         Atlantic ocean has never been cheaper - and, as the old joke 
         puts it: how much to send them all there?
         http://www.therockalltimes.co.uk/rockall-ho/
                  - all documented in appropriately terrifying detail


                                >> ANTI-NEWS <<
                             berating the obvious

         "somehow it just seemed like the right time to mention this": 
         http://www.ntk.net/2003/06/13/dohv.gif ... huh, no option to 
         "visit our text-only version"?: http://www.usability.co.uk ... 
         "If this had happened 10 years ago, when the internet didn't 
         exist, [former New York Times editor] Raines would still be 
         running the place", asserts rigorously factchecking blogger: 
         http://www.timesonline.co.uk/newspaper/0,,176-706335,00.html 
         ... new thrill! innocently named sites with unfortunate URLS: 
         http://www.powergenitalia.com/ , http://www.gotahoe.com/ ... 
         plus (variation on old) thrill - puerile Google spellcheck 
         fixes: http://www.google.com/search?q=%22Osaka+Bin+Laden%22 , 
         http://www.google.com/search?q=%22Saddam+Hussies%22 , and 
         http://www.google.com/search?&q=%22Forsythe+Saga%22 - slightly 
         different "Generation Game"... shaving minutes off time wasted 
         in bathroom: http://www.ntk.net/2003/06/13/dohshave.gif ...


                               >> EVENT QUEUE <<
                         goto's considered non-harmful

         A couple of people have written in saying: well, if NTK's not 
         going to do an "Extreme Computing"-style event this summer 
         [see NTK 2003-05-09], then maybe they'll just have to organise 
         one of their own, a trend of which we entirely approve. In the 
         meantime, the speakers from last year's conference must plough 
         their lonely solo furrows, with '80s throwback GARY LE STRANGE 
         unpacking his full-length one-man-show POLAROID SUITCASE (from 
         next Fri 2003-06-20, Canal Cafe Theatre, London W2, and thence 
         to the festivals of Edinburgh and York). On the subject of 
         "leftfield electronica", NTK's Dave Green is supposed to be 
         joining the Paying the Piper panel at CYBERSONICA (from next 
         Thu, 2003-06-19, various prices/ London venues), a festival 
         which also features Howie B, Kid 606, regular fixture DJ 
         Spooky, and onomatopoeic techno writer David Toop. Then cyber-
         activist author and polymath CORY DOCTOROW (of The San 
         Francisco Boing Boing) arrives the week after next, discussing 
         OPEN SPECTRUM: SETTING THE AIRWAVES FREE? (12:30pm, Tue 2003-
         06-24, iSociety, London SW1, free but RSVP), and enlivening 
         the lineup of Alan Cox, Tim O'Reilly and Jon 'maddog' Hall at 
         THE LINUX USER AND DEVELOPER EXPO 2003 (from Tue 2003-06-24 to 
         06-26, Birmingham NEC, conference UKP80+VAT but exhibition 
         free), an event which has now redesigned the menu options on 
         its website so as not to offend NTK readers' sensibilities. 
         http://www.linuxuserexpo.com/
              - vs http://www.ntk.net/index.cgi?b=02003-04-11&l=128#l
      http://www.workfoundation.com/research/isociety/open_spectrum.jsp
              - also addressing Oxford Uni SciFi/ Computing societies?
         http://www.cybersonica.org/festival_programme/
              - see also http://www.strangeattractor.co.uk/talks.html
         http://www.garylestrange.co.uk/
              - and not, as some people have assumed, Danny in a suit


                                >> TRACKING <<
               sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering

         It's not often that we let the likes of JavaScript show
         its mucky face around this gaff, but JESSE RUDERMAN's
         bookmarklets collection is worth a closer look - especially
         if you're currently hacking on your imminent CSS redesign.
         It's your usual pile of slightly-too-many-things to drag to
         your toolbar, but hidden among the mundane apps are some
         truly amazing utilities. As described by Simon Willison,
         Jesse's Gecko-only "edit styles" bookmarklet is astounding:
         it pops up a little window that shows the CSS style sheet of
         the current page - then lets you dynamically edit it, with
         changes being reflected in the page in realtime. Some other
         corkers: a complete javascript shell (with history);
         converting textareas in forms into wysiwyg HTML editors;
         quick validation; highlighting regexps and more. There are
         even bookmarklets for remotely-loading bookmarklets on
         someone else's computer that doesn't have your bookmarklets
         installed. It's like the obfuscated 1K competition of code
         that actually does something.
         http://www.squarefree.com/bookmarklets/
                                                  - the complete list
       http://simon.incutio.com/archive/2003/06/03/bookmarkletsAndCSS
                                        - simon's gentler explanation


                                >> MEMEPOOL <<
                ceci n'est pas une http://www.gagpipe.com/

         worth persevering: http://scenario.com/ericrice/cyber.txt ... 
         being "a good cybercitizen" surely requires avoiding Comic 
         Sans?: http://www.cybercrime.gov/rules/cybercitizen.htm ... 
         Oxford University takes "ubiquitous internet" slightly too 
         far: http://www.shahidhussain.com/gallery/Oxford/IMG_0515 ... 
         "Greg Brady" doll regenerated as "Tom Baker" action figure: 
         http://www.leviathanstudios.com/figures/who/ ... "pre-WW2"-
         style scifi features Angelina Jolie and Maggie Philbin - 
         together at last!: http://www.imdb.com/Title?0346156 ... 
         character above the "Search" option appears to have Yoda's 
         head: http://www.inlandrevenue.gov.uk/pensionschemes/ ... 
         scary thing is, National Lampoon were writing this back in 
         1984: http://www.nationallampoon.com/flashbacks/wg/hj00.html , 
         http://www.nationallampoon.com/flashbacks/wg/wg02.html ... 


                                >> GEEK MEDIA <<
                                  get out less

         TV>> it's camp cameo week all week, with Cher in WILL AND 
         GRACE (9.30pm, Fri, C4), Julia Roberts in LAW AND ORDER (10pm, 
         Sat, C5), and Christopher Biggins - as himself! - in BAD GIRLS 
         (9pm, Thu, ITV)... SPEAR OF CHRIST (9pm, Fri, BBC2) digs out 
         the religious artefact which seems to have inspired the Nazis, 
         "Raiders Of The Lost Ark", and Kirk Brandon's 1980s band 
         "Spear of Destiny"... and STAR WARS EPISODE V: THE EMPIRE 
         STRIKES BACK (6.45pm, Sat, ITV) certainly would be "the best 
         one", if it wasn't for bloody Yoda... Chris "Not The Nine 
         O'Clock News" Langham *is* GEORGE ORWELL - A LIFE IN PICTURES 
         (9.05pm, Sat, BBC2)... THE REAL ROOM 101 (10.35pm, Sat, BBC4) 
         turns out to be where the BBC tortured dissident writers... 
         and TOTAL RECALL (10.25pm, Sat, BBC1) is basically a more 
         entertaining pre-CGI version of "The Matrix", right down to a 
         - frankly more dramatic - "take the red pill"... FIGHTING THE 
         WAR (9pm, Sun, BBC2) is not a "military docusoap", the BBC 
         protests, too much... gimmicky realtime assassination drama 
         NICK OF TIME (10.55pm, Sun, BBC1) remains the inspiration for 
         "24"... and London 2600 http://www.london2600.org.uk/ have 
         traced the IP quad hilariously hacked in SPOOKS (9pm, Mon, 
         BBC1) as belonging to the US Navy, rather than MI5... WHAT 
         THE WORLD THINKS OF AMERICA (9pm, Tue, BBC2) may be partly 
         explained by pre-Election-2000 fly-on-the-wall JOURNEYS WITH 
         GEORGE (11.20pm, Wed, BBC2), or indeed all those weird links 
         to Iran-Contra, Savings and Loans, BBCI, and the Bin Ladens 
         explored in THE BUSH FAMILY FORTUNES (9pm, Thu, BBC3)... ARE 
         YOUR KIDS ON DRUGS? (8pm, Wed, C5), inquires Kirsty Young... 
         if so, consider sending them to a novel environment which does 
         not evoke conditioned withdrawal symptoms, recommends KILL OR 
         CURE (9pm, Thu, BBC2)... hope Paxman points out the Star Wars 
         parallels http://homepage.ntlworld.com/terry.dooher/potter.jpg 
         when he interviews smug self-congratulatory single parent JK 
         ROWLING (7.30pm, Thu, BBC2)... the mighty brain of Carol 
         Vorderman counters with ARE YOU TELEPATHIC? (8.30pm, Thu, 
         C5)... and the dark sorcery continues in BLAIR WITCH 2: BOOK 
         OF SHADOWS (10pm, Thu, C5)... 
         
         FILM>> John Cusack, Rebecca De Mornay and Clea DuVall head a 
         star-studded B-list murder mystery with a post-modern twist in 
         IDENTITY ( http://www.screenit.com/movies/2003/identity.html : 
         we see a flashback of [Amanda Peet] wearing a bra [that shows 
         cleavage] and panties)... Peet Week continues as Kieran Culkin 
         is left emotionally "Home Alone" by her, Claire Danes and 
         Susan Sarandon in aimless spoilt-rich-kid's odyssey IGBY GOES 
         DOWN ( http://www.cndb.com/movie.html?title=Igby+Goes+Down : 
         when she's getting ready for a "date" with Jeff Goldblum 
         [Peet] stands topless in front of a mirror)... otherwise 
         there's a choice of 12A-rated gross-out smut comedies, in the 
         form of Jason "Chasing Amy" Lee fiancee-fooling farce A GUY 
         THING ( http://www.capalert.com/capreports/guything_a.htm : 
         focusing viewer on male privates by repeated scratching of 
         them; use of illegal drugs in catered foods; [Jason Lee and 
         Julia Stiles] end up in bed together - nude)... or original-
         cast-free cash-in DUMB AND DUMBERER: WHEN HARRY MET LLOYD
( www.screenit.com/movies/2003/dumb_and_dumberer_when_harry_met_lloyd.html :
         woman on woman kiss; a few instances of male/female making 
         out; women are seen in revealing and/or tight/small attire; a 
         young man is seen completely nude save for an object in the 
         foreground of the shot that blocks a view of his crotch)... 
         

                               >> SMALL PRINT <<

       Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
         happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
       on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
     nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
                       Registered at the Post Office as
                          "generally leftist... nuts"
            http://slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=66881&cid=6144202
            http://slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=66881&cid=6144304

                                 NEED TO KNOW
            THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK.
                         Archive - http://www.ntk.net/
              Unsubscribe? Mail ntknow-unsubscribe@lists.ntk.net
                Subscribe? Mail ntknow-subscribe@lists.ntk.net
 NTK now is supported by UNFORTU.NET, and by you: http://www.ntkmart.com/

                          (K) 2003 Special Projects.
             Copying is fine, but include URL: http://www.ntk.net/
         Full license at: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/1.0

                    Tips, news and gossip to tips@spesh.com
             All communication is for publication, unless you beg.
              Press releases from naive PR people to pr@spesh.com
     Remember: Your work email may be monitored if sending sensitive material.
       Sending >500KB attachments is forbidden by the Geneva Convention.
              Your country may be at risk if you fail to comply.