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happy sysadmin day!
>> HARD NEWS <<
And the long summer days continue to drag by. What shall we
waste our copious and collective free time on, especially
now that none of us have any jobs? NTK's old business
manager, TERRY SHUTTLEWORTH writes in to suggest we should
all enter the free "International Star Trek Guru of the
Year" contest, but then he would, being connected in some
Ferengi fashion with the Paramount Franchise Collective. But
what about the other, negligible non-Trek parts of our
brains? Looking over last week's memepool, we're still
inspired by MATTHEW SOMERVILLE's dynamic recoding of the
godawful Odeon site into something that's usable (and
accessible) by people wanting to actually give Odeon money.
Long time NTK curmudgeon STEF "up yours, street" MAGDALINSKI
senses in his bones that there might be one or two other
sites that could be successfully recoded in this way. And
it's about time we had another legally-dubious competition.
We're still thinking about how to do this, but the first
step's easy: send us the sites that you hate to use, but you
think could be given a working makeover. We'll collect a
list of the worst/potentially most useful, and go on from
there. We sense a great deal of interstitial Flash in our
- good for reassuring that you're *not* the biggest trek saddo out there
- fuxx0red sites...
In other competition news: the (already arbitrary) closing
date for our contest to come up with a "Japlish" slogan for
NTK has now been extended, as most entrants so far have
taken it as an invitation to auto-translate one of our
existing slogans into Korean or something and then back
again. Not that we didn't enjoy PAUL DOODY's "They're steel
iron is in our transposition. Our steel iron is now that
back", or JOHN12's "*The* English with weekly high
technology because of NTK sarcasm renewal" - it's just we
were hoping for more like ADRIAN FURBY's "Heat up auto
battle is exciting scene. Fight!" or WILL HARRIS's haiku
"Friday refreshness? / Let's heartful communicate!/
ntk.net". So, please keep them coming until you get bored of
them (or we do) - don't forget that you could win one of
five copies of the official UNNOVATIONS spinoff book, a
filth-packed adventure into techno-despair in any language
you care to name.
- *Ground* is storongest technic; there is exciting scene
>> ANTI-NEWS <<
berating the obvious
at last, a company spokesman who corrects himself in brackets
afterwards: http://www.ntk.net/2003/07/25/dohlge.gif ... why
C4 seem to be repeating the same episodes over and over again:
http://www.ntk.net/2003/07/25/doh10th.gif ... self-defeating
user interfaces: http://www.lian-li.com/proclass.php vs
http://www.ntk.net/2003/07/25/dohbad.gif ... glaringly obvious
(right side of): http://www.3m.com/ergonomics/ ... seeing
popularity on Amazon, DOOYOO attracting prank reviewers too:
... and while you're at it, could you remove his phone number?
... a pinch and a punch - puerile GOOGLE GOOFS of the month:
http://www.google.com/search?q=vaginia+state , "honk kong",
"carless driving", "anti natal", "unclear weapons", "defecto
standard", depratment - and "I'm Feeling *Very* Lucky" on "lager"...
>> EVENT QUEUE <<
goto's considered non-harmful
Never mind all these-newfangled Games, Fringe, Jazz, Book, TV,
Film and Erotica Edinburgh festivals - doing their best to
provide wholesome working-class entertainment for the locals
this year will be the 4-day UK UNIX USER GROUP LINUX FESTIVAL
2003 (from next Thu 2003-07-31, George Watson's College,
Edinburgh, UKP12.50 concessions, commercial UKP100+VAT). Last-
minute bookings are still available for Stephen Tweedie's
off-Broadway hit "Inside the Linux Kernel", while the other
attractions include the usual flown-in Hollywood stars (Andy
Fenselau of SGI presents his acclaimed one-man show "New
Breakthroughs in Linux Supercomputing") - plus student stand-
up from Cambridge Footlight Matthew Garrett, whose multimedia
odyssey "Dasher: An Information Efficient Text Entry and
Control System" is said to conclude with the audience throwing
him Alphabetti Spaghetti for him to catch in his mouth.
- we're joking of course; it's actually very good
- reader Iain Aitch gigs at Vox 'N' Roll on Thu in London
- Thursday after: Berlin Chaos Communication Camp!
>> TRACKING <<
sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering
A while back we asked if anyone had any IDEs that worked on
PDAs or smartphones. Most of you assumed we were asking in
much the same tone as that spammer who wants spare parts for
his Dimensional Warp Generator time-machine, but we had some
replies. We'd hoped to scare off the Symbianites by unfairly
disparaging their newly open-sourced OPL, but unfortunately
we misspelt it as "OML", so they got a look in. Zooko gets
points for mentioning NTK's favourite time-waster, the
smalltalk environment SQUEAK, which has Zaurus and Ipaq
ports. Squeak's enduring some major refactoring work right
now though, so perhaps you'll want to leave it for a little
while. In the end, we settled on Paul's suggestion of Onboard
C, which combines one of nature's finickety but trusty
languages with Graffiti, one of nature's finickiest but
trusty data-entry systems. It's an ANSIish C IDE for your
- the Amiga of PDAs
- squeak on a zaurus. but then you can get anything on a zaurus
- "others enjoy being able to code during their daily commute"
- don't reply of course, it could be a trap
>> MEMEPOOL <<
contains a source of www.snackspot.org sniff the POP3 passwords of entire Guardian G2 section staff,
win prize: http://www.theisociety.net/archives/000789.html ...
after "Masturbation cuts cancer risk", another great week for
geek health: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/3086013.stm ... plump,
slightly spotty baby required for demographically-confused
photo shoot: http://www.snackspot.org/images/frenchfries.jpg
... "Pipkins" diet: only eat hare, pork, monkeys, chiming
clocks... and we thought our "doh" collections were boring:
http://www.scorpioncity.com/mscrash.shtml ... yodel view
controller: http://0x2a.no-ip.org/mt/archives/000008.html ...
EMAP "looking into" weekly email newsletter ... oh, these'll
get you into university: http://www.personalstatement.info/
... http://lnk.to/ - raising (or lowering) the stakes in the
competitive URL-shortening market: http://notlong.com/links/
... DRM reclaimed: http://www.drm.org/whydigital/globwhats.htm ...
>> GEEK MEDIA <<
get out less
TV>> wonder if Endemol will reuse the BIG BROTHER (9pm, Fri,
C4) web data for FAME ACADEMY (6.30pm, Sat, BBC1) again this
year? http://www.ntk.net/2002/10/11/dohfame1.gif ... Saturday
night is Bill Paxton night, making heavy weather of CGI chaser
TWISTER (6.25pm, Sat, ITV), which then segues into APOLLO 13
(8.30pm, Sat, BBC1)... and look out for more NHS spectacle
frames than at a Morrissey gig in Philip Larkin recreation
LOVE AGAIN (9.15pm, Sat, BBC2)... THE HEAVEN AND EARTH SHOW
(10am, Sun, BBC1) features Danny Wallace's made-up "random
acts of kindness" cult http://www.dannywallace.com/joinme.html
- apparently that's not all he has in common with Dave Gorman
nowadays... James Cameron weekend begins with his writer
credit for RAMBO: FIRST BLOOD PART II (11pm, Sat, BBC1), then
explodes all over C5's TERMINATOR NIGHT, beginning 5.45pm on
Sun with LAST ACTION HERO... as AMERICA BEYOND THE COLOUR LINE
(7.10pm, Sun, BBC2) delivers a more careful deconstruction of
"Black Hollywood"... Sarah Michelle Gellar turns out to be the
opposite of SIMPLY IRRESISTIBLE (11.15pm, Sun, BBC1)... "The
Real George Orwell" is the subject of an all-Newspeak THE
SOUTH BANK SHOW (10.45pm, Sun, ITV)... Asperger's spectrum
docu MY FAMILY AND AUTISM (9pm, Wed, BBC2) not to be confused
with Jo Brand celeb quiz NOBODY LIKES A SMARTASS (6pm, Mon-
Fri, BBC2)... and expect face-pulling and overacting - and
that's just the interviewer - in RUBY WAX WITH JIM CARREY
(10.35pm, Mon, BBC1)... the "Japanese woman who thought it was
real" http://www.snopes.com/horrors/freakish/fargo.htm follows
FARGO (10.40pm, Mon, C4)... GENERATION TERROR (11.20pm, Tue,
BBC2) profiles 1970s Red Army lightweights Baader-Meinhof...
and you don't have to seen the "My Wrongs" prequels 1-116 and
118-8244 to understand what's happening in Chris Morris short
MY WRONGS #8245-8249 & 117 (11.10pm, Wed, C4)...
FILM>> must be the school holidays already, as "Distributor
chose to cut sight of a dangerous imitable combat technique
(double ear clap) to obtain a 12A" rating for this week's
"Malcolm In The Middle" adolescent spy spoof AGENT CODY BANKS
( http://www.screenit.com/movies/2003/agent_cody_banks.html :
[Angie "Law And Order" Harmon] wears tight and cleavage-
revealing outfits throughout most of the film)... but rendering
on Linux http://www.wired.com/news/culture/0,1284,59452,00.html
(like the average cinemagoer can spot the difference) somehow
hasn't prevented goddess of chaos and discord Eris from being
portrayed as the *villain* of SINBAD: LEGEND OF THE SEVEN SEAS
( http://www.bbfc.co.uk/ : Cut required for U to remove head
butt in accordance with BBFC Guidelines and Policy. 12A uncut
>> SMALL PRINT <<
Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
Registered at the Post Office as
"ahh, the 'switching protocols' HTTP status code. Clever"
NEED TO KNOW
THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK.
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