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  • NTK 2007
  • NTK 2006
  • NTK 2005
  • NTK 2004
  • NTK 2003
  • NTK 2002
  • NTK 2001
  • NTK 2000
  • 31/12/99
    #127
    Backspace deleted, Icke vs Illuminati, Quiz Apocalypse '99
  • 24/12/99
    #126
    Unusually resentful Newtonmas edition
  • 17/12/99
    #125
    Tomb Raider - The Worst Revelation, Saving "Crazynet", Party like it's 2600
  • 10/12/99
    #124
    BT "Lollipop" licked, Dreamcast porn, ICA ice-cream
  • 03/12/99
    #123
    agency.com go "public", NSI return to form, retro round-up
  • 26/11/99
    #122
    Sinclair "mare", Reclaim the First Class Carriage, HARRIXOS!
  • 19/11/99
    #121
    Early Edition
  • 12/11/99
    #120
    Bill's new friends, countdown to Napster lawsuits, mondo retro
  • 05/11/99
    #119
    into the valley of death rode the 0800, penny for the GIF, out of Clinky
  • 29/10/99
    #118
    CSS Hissing, 0800 YAH-RIGHT, Neal S exported
  • 22/10/99
    #117
    Stray Ducks, Eggs, Marbles and Mutts
  • 15/10/99
    #116
    ICA hosts more than just fancy parties, give yourself over to the "dark" break
  • 08/10/99
    #115
    NCIS pushes "made-up drug", ritualistic Apple-bashing, and all new NTK live
  • 01/10/99
    #114
    Grey day steals idea of "grey days", quantum uncertainty, Gibson on the streets
  • 24/09/99
    #113
    Scrambling spooks, Aussie proxies, and nothing but the Knuth
  • 17/09/99
    #112
    Nethead is Deadhead, Elite Final Conflict, text browser wars
  • 10/09/99
    #111
    Getting medieval on your math, Space 1999 - '99
  • 03/09/99
    #110
    Hotmail hot water, Matthew Smith found alive, celebrity wrangling
  • 27/08/99
    #109
    Open Scores, the "." in L. Ron, and Mad Magazine
  • 20/08/99
    #108
    God hates Demon, everyone loves the QL, Russian Roulette goes edible
  • 13/08/99
    #107
    Red Hat rising, Martlesham woes, DNS the Secondary
  • 06/08/99
    #106
    Info drought, ancient arcades, and Edinburgh
  • 30/07/99
    #105
    Bloody hell it's ADSL, pan-European Adams-Pratchett wars, K&R warez
  • 23/07/99
    #104
    Nic nic, Freebieserve, Amiga non Amigo
  • 16/07/99
    #103
    DefCon, Moon shots, more D&D than usual
  • 09/07/99
    #102
    Local loopy nuts are we, CU (Amiga) in court, Phantom Menace non-special
  • 02/07/99
    #101
    The gong shows, Virtual depravity, Fear of a Black Hat
  • 25/06/99
    #100
    Special anniversary DTI moan, Sarcastic Bastard of The Year, rubber band massacres
  • 18/06/99
    #99
    You got an 'ology, BSA busted, Space 1999 '99
  • 11/06/99
    #98
    ADSL RSN, Microsoft is wormfood, and sweaty Palms
  • 04/06/99
    #97
    Last year's bits, everyone quits, The FAST Show
  • 28/05/99
    #96
    BT going free?, Kevin Mitnick isn't, Atari Teenage Riot Tryout
  • 21/05/99
    #95
    Russian ruling roulette, whinnying Winn Schwartau, ASCII Star Wars
  • 14/05/99
    #94
    Not-so secret agents, mystery Falco, IP on the radio
  • 07/05/99
    #93
    Clive's Linux, Live Linux, Jive The Phantom Menace
  • 30/04/99
    #92
    Acorn dead again, "Susan" "Blackmore", and more anon
  • 23/04/99
    #91
    anon, gratis and unconventional
  • 16/04/99
    #90
    Crypto Careers, Krause Carouses, Clubbing for Kosovo
  • 09/04/99
    #89
    General public licence to kill, dirty ISPs, and Star Wars lego, hoorah
  • 02/04/99
    #88
    April Fools, Norton Futilities, and Hairy PalmPilots
  • 26/03/99
    #87
    AOL Churls, "Be" jwz, Dumb IE5 tricks
  • 19/03/99
    #86
    Open Mac, Email Alack, Stallman's back!
  • 12/03/99
    #85
    Putting the "ow" in Escrow, Krazy Kubrick Konspiracies!
  • 05/03/99
    #84
    Sat hack hoax, .com con, Virus The Musical
  • 26/02/99
    #83
    Damn it Janet, Amazin' planes, That cheatin' Heat
  • 19/02/99
    #82
    EU fools, sci-fi rules, it ain't COOL news
  • 12/02/99
    #81
    Spice Girls outsmart the EC, OTT anti-artist ranting, and the usual skeptic jokes
  • 05/02/99
    #80
    Demo wars, Superweeds and Hotmail to Pop
  • 29/01/99
    #79
    NCIS, N64 Emus, and roaming POP access
  • 22/01/99
    #78
    Freeserve again, NSI again, and Linux 2.2
  • 15/01/99
    #77
    Undercurrents, Element -snigger- 14, and ESR
  • 08/01/99
    #76
    Green apples, Nightmare at Milton Keynes, C64
  • NTK 1998
  • NTK 1997
  • HARD NEWS
  • ANTI-NEWS
  • ANTI-NEWS OF THE YEAR
  • EVENT QUEUE
  • TRACKING
  • MEMEPOOL
  • GEEK MEDIA
  • SMALL PRINT
 _   _ _____ _  __ <*the* weekly high-tech sarcastic update for the uk>
| \ | |_   _| |/ / _ __   __1999-02-12_ o join! mail 'subscribe ntknow'
|  \| | | | | ' / | '_ \ / _ \ \ /\ / / o  to majordomo@lists.ntk.net
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|_| \_| |_| |_|\_\|_| |_|\___/ \_/\_/   o     http://www.ntk.net/
        
       
        "Negroponte is just like any ordinary rock star. He gets out
        of the plane and when he walks down the stairs he still
        doesn't know which country he is in."
         - ex-DIGICASH employee on the bankrupt company's board member
                                      ...well, it's all atoms, right?
                                         http://jya.com/digicrash.htm 

                                
                                >> HARD NEWS <<
                                 lack of clues 

         "Just give us your fokking MONNY!" pleaded this week's
         rather more self-serving version of Live Aid, seemingly
         daring Euro MEPs to see who could propose the craziest
         online anti-piracy measure. International petitioners
         including The Corrs (Ireland), Jean Michel Jarre (France),
         and The Spice Girls (2 years ago) scored a rare hit with a
         ban on unauthorised web cacheing (which surely wouldn't
         affect those "secure" new distribution systems that the
         music biz has so much faith in); next is a levy on blank
         CDs, guaranteed to win the sympathy of everyone who uses
         them as, say, the data storage they were originally designed
         for. We're with Malcolm McLaren on why record sales are
         really in decline: because punters can hear their favourite
         genre, varying endlessly, on the multiplicity of FM radio
         stations. As the Phonographic Industry's Frances Moore
         pointed out, it's "like a music company giving away its most
         precious asset" - only he was referring to MP3s appearing on
         "an Internet bulletin board".
         http://www.ntk.net/euro/
                       - they come up with all these cool amendments...
         http://www.ntk.net/euro/nonsense.html
                              ...then (natch) stick with the original 

         After this ear-bashing, the EC wouldn't do anything as stupid
         again, would they? Hey, perhaps they *already are*. Last
         month, during the ongoing privacy discussions between the US
         and Europe, officials representing the EC began suggesting
         that not only is caching illegal, but so is storing IP
         numbers. Because IP quads can refer to an "identifiable
         person" (well, no, they refer to identifiable machines, but
         do carry on), even those logs that your Webserver holds
         could be in breach of EC law. Thankfully, we're guessing
         that the British Data Protection People wouldn't be so insane as to
         implement this - but, it's still a sparkling demonstration
         of the clue-vacuum at the heart of government. On the other
         hand, this one's been fed to us third hand and via the US
         authorities but when the second hand was Vint Cerf, who
         exactly were they trying to fool?
 http://lyris.isoc.org/cgi-bin/lyris/lyris.pl?visit=isoc-members-discuss
 - search for "privacy". ironic, since it's supposed to be a closed list
         
         From four sources this week, we've had tales of woe
         regarding WHICH ONLINE. How their marketing department has
         gone rogue, how they're now flogging products from their
         Website (legit, but not quite right, yes?), and - most
         damnable of all, how if you want to escape from their free
         trial offer without paying for the full month, you have to
         *write* to them, begging to be taken off. And if we don't
         investigate them, who will? Let us know if you've any
         stories, and we'll entertain you with a Cook Report style
         punch up involving plenty of white goods.
         http://www.which.net/
          - ISP of the Consumers' Association? When do we get shares?
         http://www.cookreport.com/
                                       - not that cook report. idiot.


                                >> ANTI-NEWS << 
                             berating the obvious
 
         the Cringely on that free PC thang:
         http://www.pbs.org/cringely/pulpit/pulpit19990211.html ...
         new king of Jordan appeared in Star Trek: Voyager once...
         old king however no good at Web design deadlines:
         http://www.kinghussein.gov.jo/day.html ... "Couples break up
         because of decreased levels of satisfaction in the
         relationship - not because they stop loving each other",
         uncovers REUTERS ... best Tinky Winky site:
         http://www.liberty.edu/chancellor/nlj/feb99/politics2.htm -
         "Parents should be aware that the cards feature the same
         impudent and vile language as the series" ... British Police
         Unpopular, suggests poll... not even the HOME SHOPPING
         NETWORK can flog HOTWIRED? ... ICA local funding halved - this
         time not by PC thefts... Linus don't surf SLASHDOT... BT
         considering postponing ADSL to "end of this year", the
         *bastards*... trial MICROSOFT shows speed difference between
         Windows 95 and 98 (by using different speed modems)... SF
         restaurant offers free food to those tattooing themselves
         with their logo... NZ to give Great Apes rights, Gibraltar
         less enthusiastic - and Charlton Heston *furious*... 

                          >> ANTI-NEWS OF THE YEAR <<

                        "Grateful Dead to release MP3s"


                               >> EVENT QUEUE << 
                         goto's considered non-harmful

         Tech journo Wendy Grossman may lead a double-life as a folk
         singer, but somehow we doubt she'll be kicking off her talk
         MY LIFE AS A SKEPTIC with EMF's incredulity anthem,
         "Unbelievable". Be cool though, wouldn't it? It's all part
         of Skeptics In The Pub, believed to be Britain's only
         regular skeptics event: 7.30 pm, usually the third Thursday
         of each month (in this case 1999-02-18), upstairs in the
         Florence Nightingale pub, London SE1. Skeptics and
         non-skeptics are welcome to discuss science, pseudo-science,
         the paranormal, alternative medicine and postmodernism, and
         presumably to have huge arguments about whose turn it
         *really* is to buy a round...
         http://linus.mcc.ac.uk/~moleary/ASKE/
         - "some British skeptics appear to have reservations about ASKE"
         http://www.skeptic.org.uk/
                                                 - that's the spirit!

                                
                                >> TRACKING <<
                  making good use of the things that we find 

         We all know that net.artists are absinthe-swigging buffoons,
         with not the wit to sponge their drool-stained chins as they
         stare uncomprehendingly at Macromedia Lingo manuals;
         half-lifes who spend their fat grant cheques in the
         bawdy-houses of Hoxton and clog up the arteries of The Great
         Work with their sclerotic Web pages clogged with feckless,
         Photoschlocked mundanity. Bleating non-descripts, crowing at
         their own uncommercial purity even as they lick the ass of
         state and commerce with their manipulative talk of
         Interactive TV and Educational Community Projects.
         Stupid people who... who... smell of wee. Anyway, 
         the 12-HOUR ISBN JPEG PROJECT, we like. Firstly, it
         does what it says on the TCP/IP packet: a brand new
         monochrome JPEG to download every twelve hours.
         Secondly, the creator, Brad Brace, has been doing it for
         FOUR YEARS. Thirdly, he uses ftp and an alt newsgroup to
         propagate it: protocolically correct and righteously old
         skool. Fourthly, it has some hack value: cronjobbed with a
         shell script, it makes a charming, low-bandwidth, desktop
         wallpaper. And finally, he *really* pisses net.artists off
         by spamming their mailing lists with ASCII art. Reeespect.
         http://www.teleport.com/~bbrace/12hr-isbn-jpeg.html
                                            - hey, looks pretty geeky
         http://art-bin.com/art/rbrad.html
                                                       - oh. oh, well
         http://www.ntk.net/12hr/get12
                                   - cronjob for bash 'n' WindowMaker
         

                                >> MEMEPOOL << 
                              hasta la altavista

         http://www.evl.uic.edu/caylor/MONKEY/famousmonkeys.html ...
         DAVE WINER apparently unaware that killer app for
         http://www.mailtothefuture.com/ is suicide notes... oh no!
         *more* Heath Buntings! http://www.d-b.net/dti/ ... using
         whois as a contact manager... Joe-Bob Briggs back from
         grave: http://www.tnt-tv.com/monstervision/this_week.html ...
         ORANGE going 14.4K?... "rock the deathstar" seems too easy
         http://mosespa.starwars.com/products/large_product.gsp/id=201/
         the Americans are "adapting" FAWLTY TOWERS... you know, we
         preferred it when he was just eating our balls:
         http://www.pcgamer.com/thl/ ... STARSHIP TROOPERS: ANIMATED
         SERIES - yes to mobile infantry power armour, no to mixed
         shower scenes... maybe it is all weather balloons:
         http://www.accuweather.com/weatherf/ufo_qx01 ... Trip and
         the 3DO guys get it in the -uh, neck at
         http://www.gaminginsider.com/ ... bad handwriting = bad
         person http://www.myhandwriting.com/analyze/hlltrt5.html ...
         they *wish* http://www.tnt-tv.com/movies/tntoriginals/pirates/ 

                               
                               >> GEEK MEDIA << 
                      may contain strongly-typed language

         TV>> BBC2's Comedy Zone has never looked funnier:
         unconvincing nostalgia rubbish DAYS LIKE THESE (8.30pm, Fri,
         ITV) is literally Carsey-Warner's search-and-replace on the
         US "That 70s Sh**" (s/Red Forman/Ron Forman/ s/Jackie
         Burkhardt/Jackie Burget/)... presumably her involvement in
         that dire Spice Girls "spoof" qualifies Kathy Burke to spoil
         the flow of Mark Lamarr's gags in NEVER MIND THE BUZZCOCKS
         (9.30pm, Fri, BBC2)... and, in common with over 58 per cent
         of her output from 1982 to 1992, there is either partial or
         full Greta Scacchi nudity contributing to WHITE MISCHIEF
         (10.25pm, Fri, BBC1)... Howard Stableford gazes enviously on
         the Ballykissangel success of former colleague Kieran
         Prendiville, while he is left probing the mind and brain on
         OPEN SATURDAY (9.15pm, Sat, BBC2)... another WW2 weekend,
         with apologetically titled ONE OF OUR AIRCRAFT IS MISSING
         (12.35pm, Sat, BBC2) and A BRIDGE TOO FAR (8.55pm, Sat, C4),
         plus sci-fi's David McCallum in the plywood-framed MOSQUITO
         SQUADRON (2.15pm, Sat, BBC2)... surprisingly, it's the same
         Colin Wilson who wrote both "new existentialism" bible The
         Outsider and the trash space opera Space Vampires,
         inspiration for lively Dan "Alien" O'Bannon, Peter "Double
         Deckers" Firth slash nonsense LIFEFORCE (10.50pm, Sat,
         C5)... no wonder Peter Berg went mad and directed those Very
         Bad Things, after the sex-toy treatment he gets in THE LAST
         SEDUCTION (10pm, Sun, C4) - 18 months since last showing...
         other Valentine's Day treats include MEN BEHAVING BADLY, a
         god-awful documentary about Gretna Green, a rape trauma
         episode of THE LAKES, and the "Noreen Sleeps With Warren
         Show" of DWEEBS (2.25am, Sun, C4) - believed to be the CGI
         Keanu Reeves episode, not shown as part of original US
         run... we've got ANIMAL POLICE (9.30pm, Mon, BBC1) and
         ANIMAL ER (8.30pm, Mon, C5) but oddly no-one's doing ANIMAL
         FIRE-BRIGADE... a nervous RIAA would very much like to BLAME
         IT ON RIO (10pm, Mon, C4) but Michael Caine and Demi Moore
         have little on Keri "Felicity, Dead Man's Curve" Russell in
         an early TVM role in THE BABYSITTER'S SEDUCTION (10.45pm,
         Mon, BBC1)... BBC2 flagrantly interrupts its regular snooker
         coverage for some of those occasional episodes of SEINFELD
         (11.15pm, Tue, BBC2), LARRY SANDERS and BUFFY THE VAMPIRE
         SLAYER (6.40pm, Wed, BBC2)... isn't it weird how Alan J
         Pakula "died" after making conspiracy-revealing movies like
         All The President's Men, tonight's similar THE PARALLAX VIEW
         (11.50pm, Thu, BBC1), and, er, The Pelican Brief... and, in
         a plot twist we've seen only 5 or 6 times before, nanobots
         aboard RED DWARF VIII (9pm, Thu, BBC2) have built a tiny
         version of the old ship from 10 years ago, complete with
         crew - minus those who had too much self-respect to
         return...   

         FILM>> Londoners obviously have different expectations of
         what makes a good Valentine's date movie, with the
         ultra-bleak talk-heavy Ben Stiller sex games of YOUR FRIENDS
         AND NEIGHBOURS (imdb: sauna / sex / adultery / art-gallery /
         black-comedy / cruelty / dysfunction / infidelity / lesbian
         / mysogynists / relationship) - after this, Neil "The
         Company Of Men" LaBute hopes to move to screwball slapstick
         comedies... or Roberto Benigni's Italian-made sub-Chaplin
         homage LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL (imdb: holocaust / wwii), which is
         either a charming triumph of clowning over adversity, or an
         irresponsible Allo Allo-style attempt to make fun out of
         concentration camps... fans of naming films after songs will
         be pleased to see that the poster for mildly unusual
         hypnosis love-story DON'T GO BREAKING MY HEART (imdb:
         comedy/ romance) features the tagline "He couldn't if he
         tried!" - clearly an improvement on the original title, the
         motivational soundalike "Us Begins With You" (geddit? "U"!
         oh, never mind)... and maybe it's half-term or something,
         going by the frenzy of daft family films: least annoying
         should be semi-Romanian Billy Crystal curio MY GIANT (imdb:
         car-crash / monastry / monks / movies / sport / wrestling)-
         Michael Lehmann's gone from Heathers, Meet The Applegates,
         to The Truth About Cats And Dogs - and this... the naughty
         8-year-old antics of MADELINE (imdb: based-on-novel / family
         / kids-and-family) sound silly, but not as dumb as bad dad
         Michael Keaton coming back to life as a snowman in largely
         pointless f/x weepie JACK FROST (imdb: MPAA: Rated PG for
         mild language) - not to be confused with the similarly
         themed straight-to-video horror release of the same name...

         A PUNISHMENT YOU CAN TASTE>> the egg-spawning continues,
         with the crazy paved Easter grenade fragmenting into CHEWITS
         BUBBLE-EGGS (25p packet of 6) -  hollow dino eggs, related
         to the original Chewits genus in name only, much like other
         Leaf bubblegums, but with fantastic "foaming" flavours. All
         the fun of eating soap, without that unpleasant "soap"
         taste... upcoming CADBURY'S YOWIE -
         http://www.cadbury.com.au/yowie - is already usurped by
         euro-Kinder-clone CRAZY ZOO (40p), also offering mutatable
         animals for the junior geneticists of tomorrow... meanwhile
         Cadbury's excellent MINI EGGS have jumped species to the
         thriving ecosystem of chocolate "pudding corners" - not as
         good as the MUNCHIES choc/toffee version, Mini Egg lids tend
         to peel off in supermarkets and refrigerate rock-hard... the
         "fat free" revelations continue, with FRY'S (ie CADBURY'S)
         TURKISH DELIGHT relaunching as "92% fat free (and always has
         been)", but it turns out that an ordinary Mars Bar is (and
         always has been?) 82.4% fat free - presumably better for you
         than a bag of GO AHEAD CRISPS - only 80% fat free ... reader
         "recommendations" have flooded in for HARIBO MILLENNIUM BUGS
         ("repackaged Starmix gelatine gum sweets labelled 'Bugs,
         Viren, Virus'" - seen in Sainsburys, anon), MACCORNS CHEESE,
         CHOCOLATE AND BACON FLAVOURED POPCORN
         (http://www.maccorns.co.uk - 99p, seen in Aberdeen Spar, Ali
         Daniels), and Nestle's rapid response to the Crunchie
         Explosion, the WONKA EXPLODER BAR ("Chocolate and space
         dust: one of the more bizarre oral experiences" - Jane L
         Trobridge)... most romantic Valentine's cash-in strangely
         isn't TESCO'S "KISS KIND" GARLIC BREAD (95p - 10p more than
         usual), nor MR LAZENBY'S SPECIAL SAUSAGE (59p, 4oz, contains
         oysters, premium pork, ginger), but none other than KP SKIPS
         stepping on Lovehearts territory with a "secret love
         message" revealed to your beau when they vigorously rub your
         packet (ho ho). Not sure that empty crisp bags have the
         emotional impact of cards and flowers and chocolate, but it
         couldn't hurt to try...


                               >> SMALL PRINT <<

       Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
         happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
       on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
     nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
          It is registered at the Post Office as "liking boiled food" 
                (http://www.multimap.com/uk/ still intact. phew.)

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  • HARD NEWS
  • ANTI-NEWS
  • ANTI-NEWS OF THE YEAR
  • EVENT QUEUE
  • TRACKING
  • MEMEPOOL
  • GEEK MEDIA
  • SMALL PRINT