Need To Know 1999-01-29

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"You have zero privacy anyway. Get over it." - SCOTT MCNEALY, scott.mcnealy@sun.com, +01 650 960-1300 (to wife, in bathroom of personal residence, 1999-01-26 09:32:04) >> HARD NEWS << with armed crews The NATIONAL CRIMINAL INTELLIGENCE SERVICE helpfully pitched into the no-really-very-soon-now cursed E-COMMERCE crypto legislation. Director General John Abbott said that a number of serious criminal cases had been hampered by the perps' use of encryption. To back this up, three vague case studies were presented. You know, even we lunatic extremists here at NTK do accept this argument - that law enforcement needs assistance in crypto cases. We become even more convinced they need help when we see the NCIS picking three tales where the proposed new law would be *no* use at all. All three were nasty individuals (terrorists, child pornsters, murderers, PGP users) encrypting data on their permanent hard drives, an area where the new law has very little purchase at all. So, two questions for the NCIS: how would a voluntary system stop this (or do you want to make it illegal to use any encryption, even on home computers, without key escrow?). Secondly, why is it that none of the cases address what everyone in business is worried about - the deliberate weakening of encrypted communication over the Internet? Getting into secret files, sure: desirable, but impossible to enforce. Crippling of government-supported commercial and personal transactions on the Net to allow transparent tapping of anyone's communications? Possible, but is that what you really want? Yeah? Then argue the case. http://jya.com/ncis012699.htm - no names, no pack drill http://www.cosc.georgetown.edu/~denning/crypto/cases.html - memo to NCIS: scarier examples here It's good to see that the new brooms at the TIMES INTER//FACE section haven't damaged its reputation for clear, honest, factual reporting. While we usually keep our coverage of their work to Antinews, we thought this week's excelled itself so admirably that we'd give you a full run down. Inside: The supplement welcomes the arrival of the new Star Wars prequels, featuring "Luke Skywalker and friends". Evil virus writers are planning to tie-in their work with the Y2K bug (what?). A "new online guide to virtually every movie" is premiered: it's 1990's very own http://www.imdb.com/. And finally, an impartial piece on Open Source Software, which says "there are alarming parallels between a fanatic organisation and the way the Open Source movement can behave. Journalists have been known to receive death threats for daring to question the movement's ideology". Nigel Powell, journalist, writes that Eric Raymond himself "flew into a rage" when Nigel suggested that open source culture embodied the communist ideal. Well, he seemed very calm a few minutes later when he discussed "some clueless hack" with us. And we believe the words were "oh, fuck off". Maybe you're not asking daring enough questions? All this *and* Dr Keyboard - check the floor of your nearest train carriage for that free copy now! http://www.the-times.co.uk/news/pages/tim/99/01/27/x-timintcon01001.html?1741204 - Lotus launch $100 million marketing campaign? Hold the front page! And finally... shopping around for local Internet access took on a new dimension on Wednesday, when UUNET opened its Manchester Point-of-Presence to incoming calls *and* incoming cars. An out-of-control vehicle embedded itself into in the wall of the Manchester Telecity building, and ended up parked in the UUNet suite of machines. While the machines did not suffer any downtime, Telecity operations did manage to inform the UUNet technical staff with a brief e-mail. "There is a car in your pop. All fine." http://www.manap.org/ - okay, so it's a slow news week. You wanted the Lotus story, maybe? >> ANTI-NEWS << berating the obvious YAHOO buys Geocities (maybe they're running out of webspace or something)... OFFICIAL PLAYSTATION magazine claims "22 Exclusive Demos" on coverdisc, *14* of which are Yaroze games from previous issues... new ENTERTAINMENT HEAT magazine reads like ill-fated TV mag THE BOX... "Theft of passwords and hacking does not violate HOTMAIL terms of service", say HOTMAIL... RICHARD BARRY emails all Ziff-Davis UK staff re Internet Watch Foundation, asks "does anyone know the URL???" (qv altavista, hit number 1)... you don't want to know what MICROSOFT are planning with the blueprints from FASA INTERACTIVE... LOOT Exposed As Tool For Software Pirates, reveals Exclusive ZDNet Investigation... Guardian Online's LUCY ELLMAN still struggling with the CAPS LOCK key... Big Mac-style carnage already reported on BURGER KING free "Fryday"... reports say LEGO laying off 10% of Danish workforce: problems prising them off the green base reported... BILL GATES on course for 100 billion... Modern Man Still has Primitive Sexual Instincts, reveals Reuters... BEEB.COM sends 205k Windows game to all "beeb blurb" subscribers - to distract from "the dull, the mundane and the totally tedious" (process of downloading their mail?)... >> EVENT QUEUE << goto's considered non-harmful Some slightly trickier-to-access events than usual: we're not sure if Peter Sommer (the author formerly known as Hugo "Hacker's Handbook" Cornwall) wants us to plug his COMPUTER SECURITY COLLOQUIA, which resumed at the London School of Economics last Monday - but if it's the sort of thing you should be going to, we're sure you'll find a way. By contrast, a tenner gets you into the not particularly non-trade friendly BRITISH INTERNATIONAL TOY AND HOBBY FAIR (Sat 1999-01-30 - Wed 1999-02-03, London Olympia). But if you've got lots of inner children to amuse, we're hoping - as ever - that the IEE's touring FARADAY LECTURE (until Thu 1999-03-28, venues nationwide) is a bit like an electromagnetic Radio 1 Roadshow, with pumped-up PhD students tossing dynamos and copper coil windings to a hysterical pre-teen crowd. http://www.ntk.net/lse/ - last year's dates; we're not that stupid http://www.atei.co.uk/ate/index-n.html - you missed this too http://www.eco.co.uk/html/whatson_detail.cfm?SNBRShwNbr=9041 - no link to http://mudhole.spodnet.uk.com/fist/simon.html http://www.iee.org.uk/Lectures/faracrnt.htm - could feature quiz game "Who Wants To Be An Engineer?" >> TRACKING << making good use of the things that we find In accordance with prophecy [NTK 1999-01-08], SONY have slapped an injunction on CONNECTIX for selling their PSX emulator, and quite right too: software of that calibre should stay where it belongs, being handed out for the hell of it by obsessive coders. And, anyway, everyone we know has moved on to the UltraHLE's N64 Emulator, which plays Zelda, Mario, GoldenEye, on 200Mhz+ Pentiums with 3DFX+GLide at 30fps. The program, which is only 175850 bytes zipped, is titled ultrahle.zip, has an md5sum of 3e3a77f10666d14cef069805dcb57cfd and is... oh. Oh it's gone. Oh, well, I'm sure your cooler friends have backups. Looks like we'll have to go back to playing with this port of Doom for the TI-82 Graphing Calculator. http://www.emuunlim.com/EmuUnlim64/ - you think we're making this stuff up, don't you http://defiance.adamman.nws.net/ - NO PORTING TO THE TI-83 UNTIL THE PROJECT IS DONE >> MEMEPOOL << hasta la altavista CNN Space Correspondent is called "Miles O'Brien": you don't think? Nah... ebay for nuclear reactors: http://www.usedturbines.com/#powerplants ... Microsoft Linux... generic Monsanto slag-off "withdrawn from publication" - but it's available on the Web: http://www.gn.apc.org/ecologist/SeptOct/index.htm ... part of the Animated Violent Deaths Webring: http://www.stickmorgue.com/sticklightsaber.html ... VIRGIN ENTERTAINMENT CENTRES... driving schools with TOYOTA RAV-4s... more blusher, marca, more blusher: http://www.cnn.com/TECH/computing/9901/26/andreessen.aol.ap/andreessen.jpg Q in future BOND FILMS to be played by - Q from STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION... honey, I overclocked my keychain: http://www.triptonics.com/keychain/ ... make the dino swear! http://www.geekchic.com/~jpd/barney/ ... if you were the size of Heath Bunting, would you have chosen the name "SUPERWEED"?... N64's first music sim: http://www.gamefaqs.com/console/n64/faq/zelda_64_ocarina.txt Larry Wall calls REBOL "a cute toy", John Lindal ponders OSS http://www.its.caltech.edu/~jafl/misc/bazaar_fizzle_fail.html - yup, we've found another Weblog to steal from: Scripting News for Grown Ups at http://www.elj.com/new/ (thanks to frequently plundered http://i.am/jorn for that) ... meanwhile, out viral namesakes at http://www.memepool.com call on the protection of http://smfa.edu/~kaiju/ and now do you see why we don't credit as much we should? >> GEEK MEDIA << may contain strongly-typed language TV>> sounds like it's about the host's links to the Mob, but GRAHAM NORTON - SO CONNECTED (10.30pm, Fri, C4) purports to be a "best of" the last series, before (oh god) a new one starts next week... equally high-pitched porn-fixated THE RUPAUL SHOW (1.20am, Fri, C4) isn't part of 4Later's SCI-FI MUTANTS strand (from 11.20pm, Sat, C4), featuring cult Argentinian soft-core THE CURIOUS CASE OF DR HUMPP (1.15am, Sat, C4)... but should keep you awake till the long-awaited return of godlike video sarcasm POP-UP VIDEO (2.50am, Sat, C4)... speaking of sci-fi mutants, not too sure about the shape-changey girl and lame new theme music in the second series of SPACE: 1999 (3.40pm, Sat, BBC2)... the shock table-turning conclusion of ANIMAL MINDS (6pm, Sat, BBC2) has chimps trying to measure the intelligence of Jane Goodall... C4's WW2 season continues with Japanese co-production TORA! TORA! TORA! (8.55pm, Sat, C4), after painfully slow repeat of STATION X... we made the Namco gag last time for the cinema re-release of Lee Marvin arty hardman trip POINT BLANK (9pm, Sat, BBC2)... and DANCES WITH WOLVES? (10.55pm, Sat, ITV) - smells-of-wee, more like... stagey Bosnian sniper drama SHOT THROUGH THE HEART (10.10pm, Sun, BBC1) is not based around the Bon Jovi song with the same opening line: "And you're too blame/ You give love a *bad name* (Bad name!)"... if those Mariah Carey / Ike Turner marriage rumours are true, maybe she should watch the not-so rhetorical Tina biopic WHAT'S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT? (10pm, Sun, C4)... Mark "Dr Chinnery" Gatiss mines his previous career as New Adventures Of Dr Who author when a "thing" is dug up by THE LEAGUE OF GENTLEMEN (9.30pm, Mon, BBC2)... and those idiots who did the C4 Roswell alien autopsy docu get a 3-part UFO series to solve the RIDDLE OF THE SKIES (8pm, Mon, C4)... about as plausibly, the couple who fooled the fly-on-the-wall crew last year claim to be telling the truth this time on CUTTING EDGE (9pm, Mon, C4)... just in time to be exposed again on TV hoax investigation FAKING IT (10.30pm, Tue, C4) - believed to be "the new media sabotage" (pardon?)... an inspirational, rather more realistic attitude to home improvement with three people who never do any housework in COMING CLEAN (10.15pm, Tue, BBC2) ... and wholesome kiddie-script cuties Sarah Jessica Parker - from FLIGHT OF THE NAVIGATOR (2.35pm, Sun, BBC2) - and Kim "Mannequin" Cattrall go all "dirty-something" in frank, provocative etc SEX AND THE CITY (10pm, Wed, C4)... David Koresh looks oddly like Bill Gates in dramatic retelling of AMBUSH IN WACO (12.05am, Thu, BBC1)... and surely HORIZON (9.30pm, Thu, BBC1) should be paying more attention to classic sci-fi films when they travel to the Arctic Circle to dig up a lethal virus buried there since 1918... FILM>> acclaimed playwright finds inspiration in other people's material, extra-marital affairs - but that's enough about Tom Stoppard because SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE (imdb: 1500s / 1590s / biographical / historical) largely triumphs over its O-level-flattering corny cod Tudor trappings, and is directed by John Madden, author of the Megadrive's best-ever American football game... not sure what kind of message putting "It's bad. It's very bad" on the posters sends out, but ultra-dark Shallow Grave-style accidental murder "comedy" VERY BAD THINGS (MPAA: Rated R for strong, grisly violence) is far more unpleasant than even the presence of Christian Slater and Cameron Diaz would normally alert you to... TWO GIRLS AND A GUY (MPAA: Rated NC-17 for a scene of explicit sexuality) isn't the alternative title for Susan Sarandon / Julia Roberts / Ed Harris weepie STEPMOM (MPAA: Rated PG-13 for language and thematic elements), but a talk-heavy sexual politics menage a trois with Robert Downey, Heather Graham and Natasha "Mind Ripper" Wagner that even sticks too many words into its tagline: "Thanks to his two girlfriends/ Blake's about to learn a new sexual position./ Honesty." Given the illustration, the "two girlfriends" bit is redundant and defuses the double punchline - we reckon they should have gone for: "Blake's about to learn a new sexual position. Honesty" then, down at the bottom of the poster in brackets: "(Thanks to his *two girlfriends*!)"... FEEBDACK>> proof-reading motorbike consultant to the stars PAUL BLEZ writes to complain about the mis-spellings of "wander" and "meagre" in last week's issue, but missed our slightly more embarrassing confusion between the Annals Of Improbable Research and the Journal Of Irreproducible Results in NTK 1999-01-15, and the missing "h" in "Cthulhu" in NTK 1999-01-22. Or did we deliberately avoid spelling it out in full, for fear of invoking the Old Ones themselves?... similarly, the "Providence, Rhode Island" reference in this DTI press release http://www.dti.gov.uk/IBB/US/1999-01-014.html should "send a shudder through any HP Lovecraft-aware crypto worriers", says STUART HOUGHTON, the 70,000 per cent enhancement offered by "Ntru" surely evidence of n-dimensional tampering... the ubitiquous KRAGEN asks whether we *really* meant to say that someone had *patented* Princess Diana, instead of trademarking her virtual likeness? We're not sure if we're even allowed to answer that... while we're at it, we'll sneak in the corrigenda that SEGA DREAMCAST may be water-cooled after all, just don't blame us if they start blowing up if you leave them on all day... "Why doesn't Geek Media include radio?", inquires SUE BROOM of the BBC Science Unit (natch). "It does come in digital these days and for a mere UKP700 you can listen in true DAB at home." Sadly, Sue, our computers interfere with FM reception and we never switch them off, so we know little of this "Logged On", "Frontiers" or "new series on the brain" of which you speak. Audio fans, keep us posted... and finally the remarkably named BREMSTRAHLUNG X JONES informs us that, as far as he can establish, "he's the only person who watches Buffy The Vampire Slayer for reasons other than to masturbate at the lead". He watches it "to masturbate at the slightly geeky one"... you know, this is the kind of subscriber information marketeers kill for... >> SMALL PRINT << Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent. It is registered at the Post Office as "rather tiresome" [Edge Magazine] NEED TO KNOW THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK. Archive - http://www.ntk.net/ Excuses - http://www.spesh.com/ntk/ Unsubscribe? Mail majordomo@lists.ntk.net with 'unsubscribe ntknow'. Subscribe? Mail majordomo@lists.ntk.net with 'subscribe ntknow'. NTK now is helped by THE ILLUMINATI and UNFORTU.NET. They worry about us, but we don't worry about them. (K) 1999 Special Projects. Non-business copying is fine, but retain SMALL PRINT. Contact terry@spesh.com for commercial license details. 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